Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine, it's all just for fun (if you can call a story about this kind of suffering "fun").
A/N: A giant THANK YOU to all who've read and reviewed the first 2 chapters!! I'm happy to see I'm succeeding in using my own painful experiences with endometriosis and infertility to bring the story to life. The majority of trials that befall Harm and Mac throughout the course of this story will paralell what I've gone through, and trust me, it makes for a story that will rival anything Holloywood could create....
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Chapter 3:
Mac woke up unusually early that morning, which wasn't really surprising considering what day it was. She laid awake contemplating what the day would bring - sadness and disappointment, or excitement and joy. She'd already bought a home pregnancy test, and if her period hadn't started by the end of the day, she'd take the test before bed. If she ended up taking it, she wasn't sure whether it would be better if Harm was there or not. If it brought good news, of course she'd want him to be there, but if it didn't, she might just want to be alone and have a good cry. "I'll think about it and decide this afternoon" she said to herself as she got up and headed for the shower.
Harm knocked on her office door mid-morning.
"Mind if I come in, Colonel?" he asked.
"Not at all, Commander" said Mac, as Harm entered and closed the door behind himself.
"Well…?" asked Harm.
"Nothing yet, but it's still early" said Mac, a quiver of uneasiness in her voice.
"You said you'll do the test tonight, right?" he asked.
"If we don't get the answer before then", she said , "yeah, I'll do it tonight".
Harm really wanted to be there for her, whatever she might need that day, but he knew her well enough to know that if she wanted him to be there for anything or to know anything that was going on, she'd let him know. "Ok, well, you know where to find me if you need me" he said as he started to leave her office.
"Harm, wait" said Mac.
He stopped and turned around. She looked into his amazing blue eyes, eyes she'd gotten lost in so many times before, and said "I just wanted to tell you I love you, that's all".
He smiled and said "I know, I love you, too".
They ended up on the same elevator at the end of the day, and Harm could tell by the look on Mac's face that they hadn't gotten their answer yet. As they walked to the parking lot, Mac asked him if he wanted to come over later on. She wasn't specific in her reason for asking, but he knew what it was.
"Of course Mac, when would you like me to be there?" he asked.
"9 or so" she said. With that, the two headed home thinking about little else except what "the answer" might be.
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Mac held the test kit box in her hand, carefully reading the directions when she heard Harm knock at the front door. She left the box in the bathroom and went to let him in.
"You can come back here if you want to" she said as he laid his coat down on a chair.
"OK" said Harm, and he followed her down the hallway. "You don't actually want me to watch you take this thing, do you?" he asked, figuring she'd prefer to pee on the stick in private.
"Not particularly, but you can come in as soon as I'm done and we can wait for the results together" said Mac. "It says you can see positive results in a little as 1 minute, can you believe that?" she asked.
"Amazing", said Harm, hoping they'd be able to attest to that very shortly.
Mac closed the bathroom door, read the directions once more, and anxiously took the test.
"Come on, Harm" she said, "I'm done, you can come in now".
He joined her on the edge of the bathtub as they stared at the little stick sitting on the counter. One minute passed, no second line.
"The box says it can take up to 3 minutes" said Mac, "let's give it a little longer".
Another minute passed, and another, no second line.
After 4 minutes, Mac grabbed the stick, shoved it into the box, and threw the box in the trash can. She headed out of the bathroom without saying a word, but Harm grabbed her and pulled her close.
"Let it out, Mac, it's OK" he said, and he felt her begin to cry.
"I'm so stupid for thinking we even had a chance of making this happen on our own!" she cried. "I got my hopes up and I let you get your hopes up and it was all for nothing"!
Harm's heart was breaking over seeing Mac in such pain, not to mention his own disappointment over the negative test, but he was determined to be strong for her.
"It wasn't all for nothing, Mac" he said, "I know it's hard right now, but try to remember that this was only our first try. We're disappointed, but we'll just keep trying, OK? Just because we didn't make it happen this time doesn't mean we can't do it eventually."
She knew he was right.
"Would you stay here tonight? I don't want to be alone" she asked as she began to calm down a bit.
"You know I will" said Harm, "I'll do anything you need me to".
"Just watch" she thought to herself, "my period will start first thing in the morning".
Sure enough, it did.
TBC....