Sho watched the fight through the gaps between his fingers.
Sho liked fighting. He liked being in fights and he liked watching dad fight, too. Watching dad fight was the only good part of working with him, it felt like, because it wasn't all long and boring like with memos and signing things and making decisions about money and staffing and all of that other boring stuff. The fights were few and far between but Sho always liked them. When dad fought traitors and people who tried to steal from him or kill him or do all three of those things at the same time. Those fights usually happened when he had to make more Scars or something. Sho liked those fights. He liked it when people challenged dad and then dad kicked beat them up. That was fun because it wasn't real…well it was real, it was something that happened, but it wasn't REAL. Dad was never trying to actually hurt those guys.
Sho knew what it was like when dad tried to hurt someone.
At least he had thought that he knew what it was like. He had thought that dad had been trying to hurt him, before, when he got mad and punished him and big sis. He had thought that dad was mad when he picked him up and threw him across the room or when he slapped him across the face or kicked him down the hall or stuff like that…but dad hadn't been mad then, no, and Sho could tell….
He had never seen dad so mad before in his life.
Sho closed his eyes as another blow connected. That wasn't a good sound for people to make but Shimazaki had made it. Dad had shattered his barrier like it was nothing. Sho didn't even understand why. Shimazaki had said that he wasn't in love with big sis but dad….he said that it didn't matter and that he was going to beat Shimazaki up because he deserved it. He also said that he wasn't going to kill Shimazaki, which had been a relief to Sho at the time, but that relief was gone now.
Shimazaki was bleeding.
Sho watched the whole thing from in between his fingers. Dad was kicking Shimazaki now…like he had kicked Sho so many times before…right there in the side where it hurt…but he was kicking harder than Sho had ever seen before in his life…and Shimazaki coughed up blood…and that was blood…and he was bleeding….and he wasn't even trying to fight dad…and there was no point in even trying to fight dad because he was dad…and….and there was nothing at all that anyone could do when dad got like this.
Sho watched from between his fingers.
He did not like the view. He was in the corner of dad's office where he and Shimazaki always built their forts. They had to rebuild it every single day because dad always had people clean it up. They had been talking about rebuilding their fort after Shimazaki talked to dad. Sho was supposed to draw signs saying that there were no girls allowed so that people would be clear that there were no girls allowed. Including big sis because she was boring and also…and also a lot of other things. She was the reason that the fort wouldn't get built. She was the cause of all of this.
If she hadn't liked Shimazaki then none of this would have happened.
She must have liked him. She must have liked him and then he had been nice back to her, not like he liked her but that he had been trying to be nice to her, and then therefore she was the reason why this was happening. Why Sho had to see this. Dad said that Sho needed to see how to deal with people who overstepped. That was what dad had said, overstepped, even though being nice to big sis like Shimazaki had didn't seem like he had done anything wrong. It wasn't like he tried to kiss her or hold her hand or touch her boobs or anything else that you were supposed to do to a girl when she liked you. He had just talked to her a lot and spent time with her and stuff, platonically he said which meant the way you hung out with a girl when you weren't in love with her or anything like that, and Shimazaki had explained to dad but then dad had been all 'you overstepped with my daughter' and also he had kept on saying over and over again 'my daughter is ten years old' and then Shimazaki had been all 'yeah, no shit, that's why I'm not trying to do anything' which was the worst thing that he could have said because now dad was mad at him and…and…and….
He had just been nice to her.
Dad didn't have to do this. At first it had been a fight. Dad had been all 'I'm going to fight you now' and then they had been fighting and Shimazaki had managed to avoid and evade dad for a while but then dad had said that 'stand still. You can't change the outcome' and then he had trapped Shimazaki with his powers to he couldn't teleport and then…and then….and then….
And then Sho had covered his eyes.
He didn't know what he had covered his eyes for. He had seen people getting hurt before. He knew what it looked like when people fought and bled. He had even seen people so hurt that they were dying….on TV. He had only seen it on TV and…and this was life but…but dad wasn't going to kill Shimazaki. He had said so. He had told Shimazaki that he as just going to beat him up. He also told Sho that he had to watch so he could learn how to deal with people….and Sho had watched…and he was still watching….through the spaces between his fingers…
He had covered his eyes but he was still watching.
He heard a low sort of thud and then some heavy breathing. Heavy and wheezy, too, and Sho…he wanted to forget that he had ever heard that sound. That sound meant…it meant that Shimazaki was really hurt…and it meant that…that he could have been hurt enough to die…and it meant that dad was actually capable of…of killing….well he was. Sho had seen it. Well he had been there but he had left them room when it actually happened…but those people had been traitors and people who had tried to kill dad first. Shimazaki hadn't done anything to dad besides be in like with big sis….
Well big sis had liked him.
There was the sound again. Once, twice, and then three times. Then nothing. Just two sets of breathing. Dad's heavy breathing and Shimazaki's wheezing breathing. Sho had closed his eyes at some point. He had closed his eyes even though he had seen the whole thing from in between his fingers. He had closed his eyes even though he had known what was happening. He had closed his eyes even though dad told him to watch. He had closed his eyes even though he knew that he could have been next. He had closed his eyes even though he knew that it would make dad angry. He had closed his eyes even though he knew that at any time dad could get that angry with him.
"I'm finished." Said dad. That was all he had to say. That he was done.
Sho opened his eyes.
He could see the whole office in the spaces between his fingers. There were broken things. The bookshelf was broken and the books on the shelf had broken and the furniture was broken and also his drawings that dad had stolen and then tacked up where everywhere…and dad was picking them up for some reason…he was using his powers to pick them up and tack them back up…and he was using his hands to straighten his tie…and there was blood on the cuffs on his sleeves…and also there was blood on his hands a little…and now Sho could smell blood….and now dad was looking at him.
"I told you to watch. Have you been doing that the whole time." Asked dad. Sho took his hands away from his eyes quickly. Dad's aura was weirdly calm. Like he had just got up or something. That was the worst part. If dad's aura had been lashing out and flaring and stuff then it would have been better…somehow. Not better like everything would have been all better but better like…something that would have made more sense than what was happening now.
Shimazaki was trying to sit up.
Sho didn't like seeing him like that. He had always been such a cool guy. The coolest guy ever. He had always been untouchable and invincible. He had been able to take getting shot and blown up and stabbed and stuff. He could dodge bullets. He could see his opponent's movements before they even happened. He was the blind master. He was the coolest guy in all of Claw. He was so strong and big and…and now he was sitting up and gasping and…and Sho could see him in the space between his fingers…
And then something pulled his hands down.
And now he wasn't seeing the world in the spaces in between his fingers. Now he was seeing the world with his bare eyes. He could see dad and he could see Shimazaki and he knew that he was being seen, too, and he wished that he had been the one born blind, not Shimazaki, because dad was looking at him and he did not want dad to be looking at him and he didn't want to be looking at any of this and-and-and-
"Honestly. Can't you ever do as you're told? I don't know how your sister puts up with you." Said dad. He went back to his desk and then…and then he just…sat there like it was normal. He wasn't even looking at Sho anymore….and Sho….he didn't know. Shimazaki was still breathing weird and it was…scary. It was scary and Sho was scared and he…he didn't like this. He hated this, this feeling, this scared and…and….and also he was…
He wanted to hurt dad.
He always wanted to hurt dad at least a little but now…now he wanted to hurt him for real. Not like in the daydreams he had about hitting dad back. The daydreams where he was big and dad was little and he was hitting dad back as hard as he could and dad was the one on the floor crying and Sho was the one telling him that the crying just made it worse and that he knew that he was not allowed to cry and how his crying just made him a disappointment…this was different. He didn't just want to be big enough to give dad a taste of his own medicine….
He wanted dad to hurt.
He wanted dad to know what it was like to be hurt. He wanted dad to know what it was like to be the one on the floor. He wanted dad to know what it was like to be so small and scared…and he wanted dad to know what it was like to bleed. Sho had never wanted to make anyone bleed before…and he knew that it was wrong…and he knew that mom would have been so upset with him that she would have run away, again, if she were to suddenly appear and find him like this…and he knew that he was supposed to be a good boy like she had always wanted him to be…but he also knew in that moment that he wanted nothing more than to make dad bleed.
He scared himself a little bit.
"No matter. That's settled now. That's what matters." Said dad. He had gotten his laptop back on and now he was working…and Shimazaki was standing up now…well as best as he could. Sho…he wanted to help. He wanted to run over there and help and just…just find some way of making this whole thing better…but he couldn't. There was nothing at all that he could do. He was small, so small, and…and dad was so big…and he couldn't even move from that spot because…he was afraid that he would be next…
He was a coward.
"You're both dismissed. Take him to Fukuda, Son, and then you stay by Fukuda's side for the rest of the day. Oh, and keep Shimazaki by your side as well. That's all." said dad. Sho knew that he was dismissed. He knew that he needed to walk away. hHe knew that he needed to leave the room. But he couldn't. Sho couldn't move. He knew that if he moved he could have easily been next…and he did not want to be next…he wanted dad to be next…
Dad should have been the one afraid of him.
Sho knew that if he started moving he would have started moving towards dad and if he stared moving towards dad then…then he would not be able to stop himself. He would not be able to stop himself and then…and then he would be the one on the floor and dad…dad would be the one who was bleeding. He would be the one who was scared. He would be the one who was watching from the spaces between his fingers. Dad would be…not him….dad…
Sho took a step forward.
And found himself standing outside Fukuda's office. The hallway was white and bright. He had to close his eyes. That was all. The room was just too bright and it was making his eyes hurt. That was why he closed them. That was also why…why his eyes were getting wet. Because the light was bothering them. That was also why…why he was shaking. Because of the light. It was just too bright in there, that was all, and he just…needed to get used to it. To the light.
There was a heavy hand on his back.
"Don't cry for me. I'm already dead." Said Shimazaki. He coughed when he said that. Sho knew from his tone that he was kidding, he did that sometimes, but that didn't make the shaking stop. It didn't make his eyes any less wet. It didn't do anything about…about how he felt. About how much light there was in the room.
"I'm not crying. The room…the hallway…it's too bright. It's just so bright that it hurts my eyes." Said Sho. He was not crying and he would prove it. He opened his eyes…and then wished that he had closed them. Shimazaki's face had blood in it…and also it was turning colors…and there was blood on the front of his shirt, too. Sho could see it, sort of, even though his shirt was black. Sho wanted to cover his eyes again. He didn't want to look. He wanted…he wanted to…he didn't even know what he wanted to do at this point besides just…not look.
"I suppose that I'll have to take your word for it, then, though if you were crying I would suggest that you stop. There's no point to it. Your tears won't change the outcome. You crying won't make my ass any less kicked. The healer showing up will but I have no idea when that'll be. So, yeah, stop crying already. It's not that bad." Said Shimazaki
"I told you that I wasn't crying and if I was then I could cry about whatever I felt like!" said Sho. He stomped his foot, then, and he accidentally put his powers into it. The hallway shook. Some people stuck their heads out of their offices but then ducked back inside quickly like they were afraid that if they stared for too long that they would be next.
"Calm down, Little Suzuki, there's nothing to be upset about." Said Shimazaki
"I'll feel however I want to feel…and there is too something to be upset about! My dad almost killed you!" said Sho. Shimazaki shook his head. He didn't look like he was in any condition to be shaking his head but he shook his head just the same.
"He was holding back, I could tell. If your dad wanted me dead then I would have been dead a long time ago. He just had a point to make and, yeah, message received. I brought this on myself and I have only myself to blame. Ok? So just stop…whatever this is. I can sense you and I know that, before, you were about to kick your dad's ass. I'd have to advise against that. Unless you know that you can end him I wouldn't even think about taking a shot at him. That's just me, though, you do you. If you want to end up in my shoes then by all means, go for it. It's your life, kid." Said Shimazaki. He smiled when he said that, he tried to act like everything was fine, but he also coughed and wheezed and…and he was holding on to the wall for support…
Sho took a step forward.
He pressed himself against Shimazaki's side. Shimazaki didn't need to be told anything, he knew to lean on Sho, even though he was tall and heavy. Sho felt…he didn't know how he felt. He felt glad that the coolest guy ever was still alive, all flip floppy in his stomach that he was so close to the coolest guy ever, worried that he was hurt, impatient because Fukuda was probably down in the cafeteria getting breakfast or maybe another Awakened had lost an eye or something, and also mad at dad for doing this to the coolest guy in the whole history of ever, and even madder at big sis because this was all her fault.
Sho should have beat her up for this.
But that was wrong. Hitting your sister was wrong enough but full on beating her up…that was the worst thing that he could ever do to someone…and now he was thinking about it…because this was her fault. She had been the one to like Shimazaki and then she had let dad think that Shimazaki liked her back, which was not true at all because Shimazaki was a grown up and also he probably liked Minegishi since they were always together and he talked about them a lot even when nobody had brought them up or anything, and now Shimazaki was bleeding and breathing funny and having trouble standing up and it was all big sis' fault!
But he was not going to beat her up. Mom would not have liked that.
Even though mom was gone to some other place so it wasn't like she would ever even know…but he would know and then…and then he would have been a traitor to mom….even though she was a traitor to the family…and he didn't think that she was a traitor at all! He just…he knew that he couldn't go home and beat up big sis because that was wrong. Even though this was all her fault. Why did she have to go and like Shimazaki? He was a cool guy, ok, and he was powerful too, and strong, and tall, and he had a lot of cool tattoos too and also he liked dogs and could eat sixteen pudding cups in a row before he got sick and also he was good at tag and hide and seek and he made good forts and…and he was just the coolest guy ever!
But big sis should not have liked him.
And he should not have liked big sis back…and he didn't…so he should not have been acting like he did! When girls liked you the thing to do was run and hide until they got bored! Everyone knew that about girls! Even Sho knew that about girls and he was only nine! He would have thought that a guy with a naked lady tattooed on his arm would have known more about girls and stuff but, obviously, he didn't…but it was still big sis' fault for acting like she liked him. This was all her fault.
But he was not going to beat her up.
"Hey, kid, after I get all healed up I need you to tell me if any of my tattoos get messed up. Ok? Sometimes they fade when Fukuda does his thing and I know I can trust you to tell me if they end up looking fucked up." Said Shimazaki. Sho couldn't breathe, for a moment, because Shimazaki…he trusted him…he trusted him and…and he had let this happen….even though there was nothing that he could have done…he still felt like…like this was his fault…
His stomach felt weird.
"Um…yeah. I can…I can tell you if they get messed up." Said Sho. He wanted to tell Shimazaki that he was sorry about what had happened, what he had let happen, and also that he was sorry that big sis had made this happen…but he was having trouble even figuring out how to say that…or how to say anything…
"Thanks kid. Most of these aren't important, I have no idea what some of these are even supposed to be, but some of them matter. Like the list of dates on the back of my arm. Tell me if that even gets a little bit fucked up…though I think that it's mostly my ribs that are broken…God, I hope the dragon is ok. That thing was such a bitch to get done. Oh, and my whole left sleeve, too. That one was a bitch. Make sure to tell me if something happens to anything on that arm." Said Shimazaki. Sho nodded.
"Ok. I'll tell you." Said Sho. Shimazaki was leaning on him more. Sho had to use his powers to keep him steady. Sho…he could not be afraid. Not now. Shimazaki had already seen him crying…because of the light….and he could not let him know how worried and scared he was. Then Shimazaki wouldn't think that he was cool anymore. Shimazaki was fine…right? He was fine. He was more worried about his tattoos than how he was breathing weird and that there was blood on the front of his shirt.
Sho had to be brave.
Shimazaki was being brave and he was the one who was hurt. He didn't even have to worry about being brave or not. He just was. Not being brave was not an option for him. Like when dad said that he was going to beat him up Shimazaki was all 'whatever think you is best, boss' and then everything had started up and Sho had seen…he had covered his eyes and opened his fingers…and then he saw…and he…he…
"Some of them mean something, some of them don't. Like you were asking me about how my leg, supposedly, says chicken fried rice. There's nothing significant to that. My friend is a tattoo artist and he just likes to practice on me sometimes." Said Shimazaki. Sho nodded and wiped his nose. His nose was all runny and his eyes were all watery…but he was fine. The room was just bright and also…also Shimazaki was close and Sho could smell all of the stuff he put on and it was getting up his nose…and stuff….
"What about the dragon? That's…that a cool one. Both of them." Said Sho. He needed to keep on talking. Even though his voice was getting all shaky….and he had to stop it. He had to be brave. Shimazaki was being brave so he had to be brave, too.
"Those? Those are from my last job. Dragons are supposed to mean wealth and prosperity and stuff. I just like dragons. I think they're cool." Said Shimazaki. Sho nodded and wiped his eyes.
"But you-you can't see them. Doesn't it hurt when you get them? I mean…why do you do things that hurt if you can't even see them?" Said Sho. Talking helped. Talking made him feel better. Talking kept him from thinking and he didn't want to think about…about anything. About anything that had happened. He didn't want to…to cover his eyes. He didn't want to cover his eyes again. He wanted….he wanted to be…to be…to be….
"Because other people can see them. Some people don't like them, some people don't care, but some people are really into them. Mostly women. Take that to your adult life, kid, women love tattoos. Men too, but women like them better. So be sure to cover yourself in tattoos as soon as you can. Best piece of advice you'll ever get for your adult life." Said Shimazaki. Sho nodded. He didn't really care about what girls liked. He had never had trouble getting them to like him, in fact he never did anything to get them to like him, and he usually had the opposite problem. They wouldn't leave him alone.
But he was still going to listen.
Because they were cool and Shimazaki was cool and Sho wanted to be cool and he wanted to talk to Shimazaki because he was cool and Sho wanted to be cool too…and also he liked talking to Shimazaki…and also he didn't want to think about…what happened….or why Shimazaki was sort of having trouble talking…and how he knew that they shouldn't have been talking because he was hurt…and…and….and…
Sho just wanted to keep on talking to him about this.
"Why do you have a naked lady on your arm, then? If you got those so girls would want to kiss you and stuff, gross by the way, or did you get that so that guys would think you were cool?" asked Sho
"Her? Oh, she's just somebody that I used to know. That's all." said Shimazaki. Sho…didn't know how to feel. Well he felt better, now, because he was less scared and stuff….and also he felt…weird. Because that was a picture from real life…that some lady had posed for…that he knew…..some lady had just…he felt weird. He didn't like it.
"Was she your girlfriend?" asked Sho. This was good conversation. This was good conversation and it helped him forget about…what had happened…and he had been feeling better…but now he felt worse…and he didn't get it at all. Feelings. His feelings. Sho wondered when Fukuda would be back. Sho hoped that he wasn't standing in line for the omelet station because that line could get long….and he wanted Shimazaki to get better already…and he didn't want to hear the story behind that tattoo…and also he sort of did…and also he smelled blood and that was the worst thing…and…
This was a lot.
"Girlfriend? No, I don't do the girlfriend thing or the boyfriend thing. She's just this woman I used to work with at my old job. Sort of like Toshi, I guess, but at some point she had enough of me. Story of my life. Heh. You know actually, yeah, if that one gets messed up I'll just get one of Toshi. Yeah, then they can't ignore me." Said Shimazaki
"Minegishi's a girl?" asked Sho. Well now he felt like he liked them less….or more….or…he didn't even know. He was just unhappy…but he was always unhappy. It was normal.
"Toshi is Toshi." Said Shimazaki….which didn't answer anything. Sho knew who Minegishi was. They were big sis' equally as boring and bossy friend. They were just as uncool as big sis, just as boring as big sis, and just as annoying as big sis. Shimazaki liked them for some reason…and he should have been happy. That meant that he didn't actually like big sis like that…which meant that he didn't have to beat him up like a little brother was supposed to…by why did he like such uncool people? He was weird. He was so weird.
"But you're getting a picture of them naked on your arm. Like the girl you have already. Doesn't that mean that they're a girl?" asked Sho
"Girl, boy, it doesn't matter. I just care about Toshi…and if I get a picture of them on my arm then they can't ignore me anymore. God, I hate it when they do that. I mean it's not the seventeenth yet but…yeah. I hate it when they get like this." said Shimazaki. He coughed a little bit and Sho knew that they shouldn't have been talking like this, he was super hurt, but…but it was better than just being in silence…because then he would think and remember…and then cover his eyes again….
"What's on the seventeenth?" asked Sho
"When normal Toshi comes back. God, I cannot wait until they get back to normal…or at least closer to normal. Or at least pissed at me in the normal way. I cannot believe that everyone actually thinks…well I did bring this upon myself. Yeah, this was all my fault…but whatever. When God slams a window down on your hand then he also sticks your other hand in the door frame and slams it." Said Shimazaki
"Huh?" asked Sho. He didn't know why he wanted God to do any of that stuff to him…but then again Sho didn't understand a lot of things about him. Like why he only liked boring girls who were also very bossy.
"So I got my ass kicked, so my ribs are broken, so my arm feels cracked at least, and so my tattoos are going to get fucked up. At least now I'll be able to maybe get some new ones. Give the people something new to look at…but Akihiro had better not censor any of my new ones. I can't believe that he seriously censored that one…and that nobody told me! Seriously. You think you can trust someone but then they go and censor one of your tats even though you clearly said that you wanted it just like the photo…unless the photo was censored too…kid, never go blind. Promise me that you'll never go blind." Said Shimazaki
"I can try not too…and I'll warn you if your next tattoos get messed up. You can trust me. We're friends." Said Sho. Shimazaki reached up and patted his head like he was a dog or something. But Sho didn't mind.
"Yeah, we're friends. Toshi doesn't have the monopoly on having kid friends." Said Shimazaki. Sho felt a lot better, now, even though Shimazaki was still hurt and dad had still beat him up and he could still remember how it looked, the fight, through the gaps in is fingers…he remembered…and he just…
It was over. Things were going to be ok.
Sho could feel Fukuda. He felt Fukuda before he saw him rounding the corner. He had a coffee in one hand, a stack of folders in the other, and he looked….kind of mad. He gave Shimazaki a look but then smiled at Sho.
"Hey Sho, pass him over. I'll take it from here. If you could organize these for me, though, that would be great." Said Fukuda as he handed Sho the stack of folders. He didn't much like organizing things but, also, he didn't want Shimazaki to be hurt for any longer than he had to be. He decided not to argue and just…do what he had to do. Anything to get his friend fixed up faster.
It didn't take too long.
Fukuda went really fast…but that was just because it was serious. He usually went slow, or at least he had with Sho, because working too fast made scars and stuff…and also it messed up tattoos…but Shimazaki had figured that it would happen. Sho would still warn him later, though, because he had promised. But not while Fukuda was working.
Shimazaki had enough to worry about.
Sho didn't watch, though, not even through the gaps in his fingers. He heard bones sliding around and coughing and cursing and he saw auras and it looked like fighting but…but it wasn't. They weren't fighting but Sho still was not going to watch. He didn't have to watch. Nobody had told him to and he didn't want to so he didn't. He just sat on the floor and organized folders while Fukuda worked and Shimazaki cursed at him. He could have watched, though, if he had wanted to…but he didn't.
Not even through the gaps between his fingers.