SOUR LEMONS
Thanks for being patient – and giving me the inspiration I need to keep working on my stories. You are the best! I know that I haven't updated in a long time, but promise (cross my heart and hope to die if I should tell a fan-fic lie) that I will update As Time Goes By no later than 3/21/2006. Until then, please enjoy this brain damaged one shot that sheds light on the perils that our beloved RK characters must go through…to find a lemon worth reading.
Please note that this story contains references (though humorous) to adult subject matter – Please, if you are not keen on reading about whacked out lemony action, then I would respectfully suggest that you skip this one
Sincerely Yours,
MightyMightyMunson
"So what do we have today?" Misao asked breezily, sipping her choco-lotto-mocha-frapachino coffee drink, unaware that a frothy dollop of whipped dairy-free product was smudged on her pert nose.
"The usual, I fear," Aoshi sniffed, his disdain palpable even behind the steaming cup of organic green tea that he was silently sipping. "just the usual collection of literary flotsam and jetsam." He glanced over at his wife, his gaze wandering first to the dairy-free product dusted nose, then down a little, settling at last on Misao's bow shaped mouth, a mouth that was slipping into a downright delightful pout.
"Oh, Aoshi…surely there has to be something good to read!" she protested, pointing to the rather impressive pile of paper on the table. "There just HAS to be a good lemon in this pile!"
"Alas my dear, they are all sour lemons." Aoshi said quietly, carefully hiding his own sense of disappointment. (I wonder what the problem is. Sagara, Saitoh and Yukishiro have well done erotica coming out of the woodwork…) He set his tea cup down and began to ponder upon the mystery of why people struggled so with creating palpable love scenes in regards to his person.
"Are you sure?" Misao just couldn't believe their bad luck. Quality lemons after all were a rare commodity, at least lemons between herself and her beloved. (If he wasn't so damn difficult to write, we just wouldn't have this problem…) She reached across the table and grabbed a handful of papers, determined to find a lemon that was worth reading! "There just HAS to be a good story in here! I mean honestly, how bad can they be?" Flashing her sweetheart her trademark five million megawatt smile, she took a deep breath and began to read aloud.
"…Misao shivered slightly, her apple green eyes shimmering with a bewitching mixture of vulnerability and white hot desire. Her heart, fluttering like a frightened butterfly, skipped a beat, when she felt his hands, so strong and sure moving down the silky smooth planes of her abdomen, down to the delicate triangle of curls that sheltered her womanhood…."
"Say! This sounds pretty good," Misao said hopefully.
"Keep reading." Aoshi didn't even bother to look up from his newspaper.
"….it was a dream come true for the young ninja, to be lying here, sheltered by both the welcome darkness of the night, and the warm, protective embrace of Sagara's muscular arms…oh…." Misao had the good grace to blush, and put the well written, but wrong coupled paper to the side. "I guess that wouldn't work would it?"
A rather icy snort was her only reply.
Misao shook her head, refusing to give up so easily. "Don't worry, I'll find something good!" She winked, also giving Aoshi her patented victory symbol. Quickly, she ruffled through the papers, finally selecting one that seemed at first glance, like a real winner.
"…Groaning softly, Aoshi pressed a petal soft kiss, his cool lips contrasting with the flushed warmth of his lover's golden tinged flesh." Misao grinned and glanced over at her husband, thrilled that she finally found a fic worth reading. "Now, what were you telling me about these all being sour lemons?"
"Keep reading."
Misao sighed and did as she was bid. "….as Aoshi continued upwards, his lips wreaked gentle havoc, the kisses landing on corded muscle. With a master's touch he prepared his partner, washing away mutual fears and doubts with each loving caress. At long last, he found the treasure he had been searching for, the goal he had struggled to attain! Eyes blazing with barely concealed lust, he wrapped his hand around Saitoh's turgid length…" Without making a sound, Misao crumpled up the paper and threw it in the trash.
"You see, they are sour lemons."
"There just HAS to be something. I will not accept defeat!" Misao growled, digging into the pile of papers with fierce determination. At long last she pulled out a hello kitty embossed paper and began skimming the purple and pink handwriting.
….."Oh Yes! Yes! Yes!" Misao screamed urgently, undulating with barely contained glee as she rode out her 8,465,785th orgasm. "Aoshi-Sama! Oh Lordy! Lordy, you're the best!" Legs flatulating with passion, she clasped her lover tightly to her bulbous chest. "Oh! Aoshi-sama. Take me now! Take me or I will just DIEEEEE!"
"Yes, Misao. I WILL take you now!" His man meat quivering, Aoshi poised himself above his darling's throbbing virgin womanhood, his blue eyes filling with tears of love and tenderness. "I will take you because I love you! Yes, my darling little darling, I love you with all my heart! Oh! How I love you!"
And with that passionate declaration, the tall ninja burst into tears, his icy heart melting from the warmth of Misao's steaming love pudding. Sobbing hysterically, he rammed his powerful mating masthead of masculinity upwards and inwards, piercing Misao's private pink parts with a pulverizing push of his pelvis. "Oh! You're so tight! I would have thought that after you had been ravished 654,846 times by the entire Yuppongatta and eight of Sagara's drinking buddy's that it would feel a little bit different!"
"It's because I love you! None of the other 654,845 times counted!" Misao mewled, wrapping her legs into an ornate pretzel around Aoshi's neck. "Oh Aoshi-Sama!" She mewled again and again, mewling out her passion until she coughed up a hairball. "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
Misao stared down in horror at the paper. "No! No! No!" Covering her red face with her hands, she shook her head. "This is just….ugh..."
"Horrible?" Aoshi offered, his own pale cheeks tinged pink.
"Yes."
"Insidious?"
"Yes!
"That's it! No more! I'm through!" Admitting defeat at long last, Misao closed her eyes and groaned.
Aoshi glanced at his wife, then down at the pile of stories, his mind coming up with the only logical solution. "Misao, there is only one thing we can to do combat these sour lemons and defy the fools that dare write them."
"What? Kill them all?"
"No." Aoshi said quietly as he bent down and placed a warn kiss on his wife's upturned mouth. "We write our own."
Disclaimer - I don't own RK - If I did, there would a lot more smooching and a lot less talking about super secret fighting techniques.