After Boom
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: I own nothing, not being paid.
Spoilers: Up to part way through season 7, set between Chimera and Heroes.
Comments: Written for the Gilmore Girls Title challenge on Livejournal. Thanks to kate98 and annieohs for the beta, and starrylizard for checking to make sure I wasn't too subtle.
"Daniel, wasn't that a bit harsh?" Sam asked quietly as Jack walked away.
Daniel played with his jello, looking vaguely guilty. "No more than he deserved."
"What's going on?"
Daniel put his spoon down and leaned towards Sam conspiratorially. "Jack bought me fish."
He sat back with a knowing smile on his face. Sam studied him: no glowing eyes, no white-padded-cell-worthy freaking out, no multiple personalities (well, no more than normal on a good day with Daniel), no body swapping (the guilty look gave it away), and no ex-ascendant induced amnesia (well, again, no more than usual). "The Colonel bought you fish, so now you're not talking to him."
"Yep." Daniel nodded.
"You do realise that makes absolutely no sense?" The 'to a normal person' remained unspoken. She was starting to think that she couldn't rule out another foothold situation.
"You know how I went to see Sarah last week?" Daniel ran his fingers up and down the side of his glass.
Sam nodded, hoping that he wouldn't take all day to get to the point.
"I asked Jack to look after my fish for me. When I got back, I found that I had more fish than when I went away, and the tank looked different."
"Okay, so your fish had babies." Sam still couldn't see how this was a problem.
Daniel raised a finger, and Sam wondered whether he was aware of how annoying the gesture had become after seven years. She wouldn't have been surprised if he had used it on Oma one too many times, and been kicked out for it. "I thought that too, initially. But it would have required Charlie and Lucy, and Woodstock and Snoopy to all have babies at the same time. Plus, the fish were too large."
Sam grinned. "Why is this the first time I've heard that your fish are named after Peanuts characters?"
"It took me a while to remember it."
"Ahh." Sam moved her fork around on the empty plate in front of her. While she had moved on enough to be able to make jokes to herself about Daniel's ascension, it still hurt a bit every time he mentioned the holes in his memory.
"Anyway, I called Jack, and he said that he thought my fish were looking a bit lonely and could do with a change of scenery. So he bought me more fish, and redecorated my tank."
"Maybe I should get him to do my house," Sam said with a grin.
Daniel grinned back. "Only if you want sea weed in your living room and a treasure chest in your bedroom." He took a sip of his water, and winked at her. "I thanked him, he shrugged it off, and I went back to figuring out names for the new fish and reflecting on how bad a friend I am."
"Hang on, how did we get from fish to being a bad friend?" Sometimes Daniel's leaps in logic completely boggled Sam. Particularly the leaps that required a safety cord and something ordered months before from ACME.
"When was the last time I bought Jack fish or rearranged his tank?"
Sam blinked for a few moments, trying to block the inappropriate, yet strangely compelling, thoughts that Daniel's comment had conjured.
"Then I smelled something off."
Sam forced her mind back on track. "You mean with what the Colonel said?"
Daniel shook his head. "No, I literally smelled something off. I finally found Snoopy underneath my couch, on the other side of the room from the fish tank. Then I also found a copy of a receipt that the people in the apartment below me had left me for the clean up of water damage."
Only Daniel could need five minutes of introduction to the fact that the Colonel had done something to his fish.
"I went and talked to the neighbours, and apparently water had come cascading down the wall from my apartment. They said that Jack told them that my fish tank had burst, and he had offered to pay for the damage."
"The Colonel killed your fish."
Daniel waved his hand in my direction. "That was what I thought. So, I drove to his house, but he wasn't home. I'd brought Snoopy with me as evidence, but I wasn't going to sit in my car for who knows how long with a dead fish. You might not want to eat anything barbequed when you next visit Jack's."
She'd forgotten how well Daniel could build up the anticipation in a story. Of course, most of the time there wasn't a point to the story, at least one that anyone not-Daniel could understand, but when there was a point, well, he was up there with...some great story telling person.
"Jack finally turned up, acting like there was no reason for me to be at his house, so I gave him the glare."
Sam laughed, and covered her mouth. "You didn't?"
"That's about the reaction Jack gave me." Daniel pulled a face, and smiled.
"Daniel, your glare really is not a glare."
"Anyway, I told him that I knew that he'd destroyed my tank and killed my fish, and I swear, he looked like I'd kneed him in the balls."
Sam sprayed her drink. "Have you kneed him in the balls before, Daniel?" she managed to say with a straight face.
His brow furrowed. "That's beside the point, and he wasn't in his right mind at the time. Apparently, he went in to feed my fish, and one of the cats in my building decided to join him. He chased it, tried to get it out, but it crashed into the fish tank. The tank, and the fish, went flying, and the cat freaked out and ran out the door. He gave me a demonstration of the way that poor Lucy was flopping around on the floor, and the way that Woodstock catapulted into the air."
Sam joined Daniel in his sniggering, relishing the mental image of the Colonel. "What did you do?"
"You know that movie that Teal'c made us watch, Finding Nemo? You know the bit where Nemo is trying to escape from the Dentist, and the girl is shouting 'fishy in my hair'?"
Sam snorted.
"Well, all I could picture was Jack running around screaming 'fishy in my hair'."
They both tried to restrain their laughter, but couldn't. Daniel eventually wiped his eyes and continued. "So, I left, without saying a thing, stopped about a mile down the road, and laughed so hard I cried. Jack, the idiot, could have just told me what happened – he didn't need to hide it and make me feel guilty that I'm not a good friend – so I'm letting him feel a little guilty. I figure it's good for two, three weeks tops."
Sam chuckled, reminding herself to breathe. "I'm sorry, I can't get that image out of my head."
She stood up, and Daniel followed her. "You do realise that you're going to have to tell Teal'c this? He'll never forgive you if you don't. Oh, and Janet. This needs a title."
"The Sushi Slayer Strikes Again," he suggested as they walked out the door.
"What about Nemo's Revenge?"
Daniel chuckled.