You were supposed to kowtow when you were very sorry about something.
Not every apology required you to kowtow. Accidentally using your brother's toothbrush, forgetting to turn the TV off, drinking the last of the milk, and other little things like that did not require you to kowtow. But Mob had much a very big mistakes and a big mistake warranted a big apology. With kotowing.
And also a gift.
She had to give a gift, too, because she had made the sort of big mistake that had gotten someone hurt. When you hurt someone you were supposed to get them a present afterwards to say sorry. That was why every time dad got mad at her he got her a new doll the next day. That was just how it worked. She didn't put any dolls into the gift box, no, because this was an apology gift for a boy and boys didn't play with dolls. Also when you were giving a gift you needed to get the other person something that they would like, not something that you would like.
So she got him things that he liked.
He liked a lot of things. He liked pudding and foods like it, good mouth feel he said, so she got him some double chocolate pudding cups. He liked that stuff. He also liked custard but custard had to be refrigerated and Mob knew that if she didn't refrigerate it then it would go bad but if she did then Sho would eat it and also wonder why were custard cups in the fridge. She couldn't tell him why. If he knew that she was apologizing to Shimazaki then he would have started up about how he thought that she liked it. She didn't…well she liked him as a friend…sort of…but she didn't want to be his girlfriend. She didn't know why people thought that she was trying to be his girlfriend but she wasn't….and nobody believed her…
Even though it was true.
No matter how many times she said it Sho just would not believe her. Neither did dad. Minegishi did, though, and Mob was relieved. She didn't know what she would have done if Minegishi thought that she was the sort of person who wanted to be the girlfriend of the person they kissed. Just for fun kisses were still kisses and Mob was not going to ruin that for Minegishi just like she knew that Minegishi would never do that to her. They were good friends like that. It was nice to have at least one person in the world who believed her.
If only Sho and dad would believe her, too.
At least they had stopped talking about that. Sho was going on his very first mission, soon, and that was what they were talking about now. Well she and Sho talked about it. Dad just said that it was going to happen, and he answered questions, but he didn't really talk to them about it. That was ok. Sho did enough talking for everyone. He was excited. Mob was excited for him. It was his very first mission and dad said that he was sending Sho on this mission because he was capable, not because he wanted him gone away from the family, and now Sho was upset. She didn't know why Sho would have thought that dad would have wanted him gone. Dad loved them both, he could just be really mean sometimes.
Really mean.
He could beat people up for no reason sometimes. Well not no reason at all, he thought that Mob had liked him, even though that still wasn't a good reason to beat someone up. Mob sometimes liked boys and…and if dad was going to beat up every boy she liked then she would never be able to like any boys…and she didn't want that. She wanted…she wanted a lot of things. She had already been in love, once, and she had been kissed once too. She had thought, before, that being in love once would have been enough and being kissed once would have been enough…but it was not enough. It wasn't and she did want a boyfriend….
Not Shimazaki.
Not him and not a boy like him. He could be very annoying. She didn't want to be with someone who did annoying things just to bother people. She never wanted to be with someone who did things that were annoying for the sake of not being bored. He could never stand to be bored. That would have been exhausting about him, being his girlfriend, because he needed attention all the time. She didn't think that she could do that. Also she was ten and he was almost thirty and he was an adult and she was a kid and she didn't think that she could be in a relationship with that big of an age gap. Like dad said, she wasn't old enough.
So why dad thought that she could have liked him like that she would never know…and she had asked a bunch of times….but that was not something that dad liked to talk about.
But they didn't talk about that anymore. They talked about how Sho was going on his first mission, he was going to be helping inspect the Seventh Division, and he wasn't even a little scared. Even though he had never been apart from her before…and also because they made Awakened there and he still had bed wetting nightmares about that….but Sho said that he was fine and that she needed to never ask him again because it made him mad.
So she stopped bringing it up.
Instead he just talked about how he was so excited about going to the Seventh Division. She had no idea what he was so excited about, they had been there once before and it hadn't been fun at all, but he just told her that it was mission stuff that she couldn't know about…even though she was second to dad…but that was ok. She was excited for him. She was also happy that he was talking to her again. He had gone some time without speaking to her since their bathroom fight. She didn't want to have to go through that again. She hated it when they fought.
Which was why he didn't know about the big apology she had been planning.
Even though if she'd had his help it the whole thing would have gone much faster. He knew Shimazaki better than she did. Well Minegishi knew him the very best but if Mob told them then they would tell Shimazaki, because they told each other everything, and then the apology wouldn't be as good because it wouldn't be a surprise anymore. She didn't want the surprise to be ruined. If the surprise was ruined then the apology would be ruined.
And she had a lot to apologize for.
Which was why she was in her bedroom practicing her kowtowing before she went next door to apologize. He was home. She could see his aura. It wasn't all tangled up in Minegishi's, too, which meant that it was ok to come over. Minegishi said that when their aura was tangled in his it meant that they were hanging out in a 'just the two of them' sort of way. Mob suspected that they were kissing, well she had seen them kiss, but real kissing. There were different kinds of kissing. There was the kind in the movies she'd liked since she was little and also the kind that was in the dramas mom used to watch. Where people held each other and kissed for a long time and also opened their mouths, which somehow both seemed kind of gross but also kind of not, and she did not want to walk in on the two of them doing the TV drama kind of kissing.
She had already seen them do Disney sort of kissing and she sort of wished that she hadn't.
She was happy that Minegishi was happy and had someone to kiss but also she didn't want to see that. Sometimes they forgot that she was there and sometimes they had no idea that she was there. Which was why she didn't just let herself in anymore. She didn't need to or want to see that. That was private and she did not want to see something that private. Also she knew that if someone had walked in on her when she had her first kiss it would have ruined it.
She did not want to ever ruin something as wonderful as a kiss.
Thankfully it looked like she was ok to come over. Even if it was kind of late. Dad was in bed already, sometimes he went right to his room when he came home and said that they weren't allowed to bother him, but Sho was still up. He was playing Wii. It was a one player game. That was ok. Sometimes he played one player games…even though she was there and they had so many two player games and they should have been playing together as much as they could because they were going to be apart for the first time in their lives…but that was ok. She just wanted him to be happy.
And it wasn't like he was going to be gone forever.
And neither would she. She was just going to be going next door to apologize and then she would come back and then he might have been bored of that game and then they could have played together like they had when they had both been little. Yes…that would have been nice. That would have been nice and fun and…and just like when they had been little. Things had been so much easier when they had been little…
But they were not little anymore.
They were big kids now and they had their own things to do…and they were doing their own things. She practiced her kowtow once more and then decided to head out. She took the box, it used to have shoes in it, out from under her bed and carried it behind her back. That was Sho wouldn't notice and ask about it. Not that he been talking to her that often, lately, but that was ok too. She loved him so much and she didn't deserve a little brother as wonderful as him.
Even if he was playing Wii all alone and hadn't thought to even ask her if she wanted to watch him play…or have a turn…or anything.
"Where are you going?" asked Sho as Mob made her way past the living to the genkan. She didn't care if it was warm out, she was going to wear shoes, even if Sho said that wearing shoes when it was warm out was pointless. She wondered if he was going to say that to her again. She wondered if he was going to say something mean to her again. She didn't care. She just wanted her little brother to talk to her again.
"Next door." Said Mob. She kept the box behind her back. Sho looked at her for a while and his aura flared and…and she worried just a little bit…but even if got mad at her and yelled at her or hit her it would be ok because she loved him and he loved her.
"Whatever. Don't wake dad up if you come back." Said Sho. He didn't say anything else, he just went back to his game. Mob didn't say anything else either. She just slipped on her shoes and walked out the door. Quietly, of course, because she didn't want dad to know that she was leaving.
Even if it was just to go next door.
Dad still had his weird ideas about her and Shimazaki. She didn't like him and no matter how many times she said so nobody would believe her. Well that didn't matter. People could think whatever they wanted to and there was no way for her to change their minds so she just had to…to deal with it. Even if they were so wrong…the most wrong. She didn't like him like that. They were just friends. Barely even, really, because he could just be so annoying….but they were still friends and she was still going to say sorry and kowtow and give him the apology gift.
That was what she was going to do.
The walk next door was a short one. Dad always got houses close together even though apartments would been easier. Buying a building would have been easier than buying a neighborhood, and Claw had buildings, but not that many. Dad didn't like to live with a bunch of other people around him. He said that he didn't used to mind as much back when they had a permanent home but things were different now. So, even though it was a lot of money and stuff, they all lived in separate houses.
Even though Mob had seen the budgets and thought that if they had buildings instead of houses they could have put that money into more raises for people and other stuff that they had been asking for.
But she was not supposed to worry about running Claw anymore. Dad had said so. She was supposed to worry about running the house and taking care of Sho and stuff like that. She wasn't the one to inherit the world, Sho was, so running Claw was not her problem…even though people were not very happy working for dad…but that was ok. She had to stick to the things she knew, like this. She knew how to apologize.
Minegishi said that she did it too often.
Which made no sense to her. How could someone say sorry too many times? Sorry was for when you messed up. Mob messed up a lot. It was a wonder that she had made it this far without messing up in a big way…well bigger than she had. She didn't agree with Minegishi about not saying sorry all the time…but she did agree that it wasn't polite to just let herself in…but Minegishi had said that it was impolite to just let herself into their room. The house was not their room…and also the door was unlocked…and also it wasn't like she was going to do anything bad…
She opened the door.
She stepped through the doorway and slid her shoes off in the genkan. She did this as quietly as she could. Shibata had fallen asleep in front of the TV again. Mob wondered how he could sleep with all the noise and light. Mob needed darkness and quiet to sleep. Minegishi was the same way. Mob wondered if they were asleep. Their aura was…fuzzy. Not asleep but not awake either. It got like that sometimes. Mob wasn't worried. She would visit them in a minute, anyway, just as soon as she said sorry. Then she and Minegishi could hang out all night.
Since Sho didn't want to.
She tried not to think about Sho. She tried not to think about how she wanted to play videogames or, really, anything with him. How she wanted them to be best friends again. How much she wished that she knew what it would take to make him forgive her totally and stuff. It would take more than what would fit in a shoebox, anyway. She figured. She didn't know.
One apology at a time.
She made her way down the hallway. It was dark but she knew where she was going. This house was a lot like her house but it had three bedrooms. Also there were more auras, too. Minegishi's from behind their door, Shibata's from in the living room, and Shimazaki's from in his room. She stopped at his doorway. She had never been to his room before. She had never wanted to be there before. She had never seen the inside…and she was sort of curious. Mostly about how he could find his stuff since he was blind and all. How he picked out clothes every day. How he knew where any of his stuff was once he put it down. Even how to make his bed since he couldn't see how it looked. She wondered a lot of things about him.
Like if he was still mad at her.
He must have been mad at her. She had gotten him beaten up by dad. She was the reason that had happened. Also she had done something to make him like her, too. Maybe. She didn't know. She hoped that he didn't like her like that. She hoped that everyone in the whole world was just being clueless. She hoped that he had just been annoying her for the sake of annoying her. She would ask him. She would knock on his door and she would ask him if he was mad….and if he liked her….and if he accepted her apology….and why he played his music so loud….and why this whole hallway smelled weird…..or why-
"As much as I enjoy your company I have to ask, Mob, why are you here?" asked Shimazaki. He was suddenly right behind her. She turned around and clutched her box to her chest. She put a barrier up, too, but that part was on accident. She got rid of it as soon as it was up. She hoped that he didn't think that she was scared of him, she wasn't, she was just startled.
Stared at her. She could feel his aura. She could tell.
"Um…." Said Mob. She knew that dad had hurt him but…but she didn't know that it was that bad. He had bandages tapes to his arms and stomach and also his back, maybe, if that tape went anywhere. She was so sorry. She was so very sorry. She needed him to know that she was so very sorry.
"Taking your box out for a midnight stroll?" asked Shimazaki. He reached over and tapped the box with the…it looked like a vape pen…in his hand. Mob saw some blood, there, seeping through the bandage on his arm…and it was just horrible….and she was the cause of that…and she was so sorry…
"This is for you." Said Mob. She practically shoved the box into his arms. He held it in one hand and tested the weight of it.
"You got me…a box with….a can of something in it…and also…something cylindrical…." Said Shimazaki. He bounced the box up and down with one hand and inhaled from his vape pen with the other. Mob stared at him. Dad had beaten him up and…and he was just being so calm? He had bandages all over him but he was just going to be all calm like that? It made no sense….he made no sense. Dad had beaten him up, because of her, and he was just going to…vape?
Mob scrunched her nose. That wasn't vape…or at least not the kinds she had.
"That's an I'm sorry present…because I'm sorry….wait! Hang on. I have to kowtow-" said Mob. She started to kowtow when he poked her in the chest his with vape pen.
"Don't kowtow, that's boring. What isn't boring, however, is why you're here and giving me mystery boxes. What, your dad ready to go another round? Well I'm not going easy on him this time so, yeah, hope you like being an orphan." Said Shimazaki. He poked her on the forehead with his vape pen and then he inhaled from it again. He coughed a lot as he exhaled. Mob didn't blame him.
That smelled just terrible.
"I…I don't think that my dad wants to hurt you again….and I am so sorry! I didn't mean to-!" said Mob. Before she could get any more words out a hand was over her mouth. He was behind her, now, and she was pressed up against his chest. His hand was over her mouth. She couldn't do anything, not even that thing that Sho did where he licked her hand when she did this to him not that she would because it was gross but maybe she would have she didn't know, when the world went black for a second.
And then she was on a bed.
He was sitting on a chair across from her. It took her a moment to realize that she was in his room. She didn't know what to make of this. She was in his room and…and she had never been in his room before. It was….a lot cleaner than she would have imagined. He had plastic bins with labels….bump writing labels…brail. Brail labels that she could not read. He also didn't have anything hanging on his walls, not even drawings…which made sense because he couldn't see them…but he had a lap top on his desk…which also didn't make sense because he couldn't see….and he had a bunch of little boxes on his desk lined up with brail labels…and she sort of wished that she could read them…and she had never seen a bedroom so clean before…well aside from dad's…and also that music was very loud….
And he just sat there, on his chair, vaping and staring at her.
"Sorry. I just didn't need you waking Shibata and Toshi. Shibata, well, I don't give a damn what he thinks. Toshi's been icing me out lately. They're pretending like I don't exist and I don't need them any more upset at me than they already are. Hell hath no fury and all of that. You know." Said Shimazaki. Mob didn't, not really, but she was sad that his best friend was mad at him…probably because of her, too. She was always messing up and making things worse for people.
"I-I'm sorry about…about everything. I didn't mean to make my dad beat you up and I didn't mean to make Minegishi mad at you and I'm sorry that my dad beat you up so bad that you're covered in bandages. I really should kowtow, I'm very sorry, but I won't because you asked me not to. But I should." Said Mob. He didn't say anything. He just inhaled for a very long time.
A VERY long time.
And then he exhaled. He exhaled slowly, very slowly, and Mob didn't get it.
"Was that a smoke ring? I can't sense smoke. You're going to have to be my eyes here, Suzuki." Said Shimazaki
"Um…no. It wasn't…but…um….did you hear what I said?" asked Mob. He passed her his vape pen. She didn't really want to, it smelled just terrible, but she inhaled anyway…and it tasted terrible too. Burned her throat a little bit, too, just a little…
She preferred the bubblegum kind.
"Yeah, you're sorry that your dad kicked my ass. It's fine, we're cool. Hit that again, too, you barely got any." Said Shimazaki. Mob was confused…but she did what she was told…because she didn't want to be rude. She was confused about why he was being so…normal…but she was sure that she didn't want to be rude…even if this was terrible. Well the second time wasn't that bad. Still tasted terrible, though.
"What kind of vape is this? It's…not…un-good…" said Mob. She passed it back to him. He held out his hand and pushed it back to her.
"I have no clue. My friend traded me that oil for free reign to do whatever he wanted to my back." Said Shimazaki. He spun around on his chair and showed her the big bandage across his back. Now Mob was extra confused. First of all she thought that vape fluid was water, not oil, and second of all he traded terrible tasting vape fluid so that his friend could hurt him badly enough that he needed bandages.
"Shimazaki. Explain." Said Mob. She sounded like dad then. It was so funny. She thought that it was so funny, anyway, which was why she started laughing. Even though she knew that it wasn't that funny.
"That's it, get on my level." Said Shimazaki. He pushed her hand, the one with the vape pen in it, towards her.
"Level?" asked Mob
"Hit it again." said Shimazaki. His hand was still on hers. She felt….weird. Not doki doki, like it should have felt like but instead like the time that Sho had wanted to see if his stomach would explode if he ate pop rocks and drank soda so she volunteered for the experiment because she didn't want her little brother's stomach to explode. It felt like that again. Weird and kind of fizzy.
"You shouldn't do that. Touch me like that. That's why people think that I like you and that's why my dad beat you up." Said Mob. He took his hand off of hers, for once, and then started spinning back and forth on his chair. Mob inhaled again to be polite. It wasn't that bad once you got used to it. It sort of tasted, on the third time around, kind of citrusy for some reason….so she inhaled again. Citrus was the forbidden fruit in her family.
"Your dad beats everyone up. I don't take it personally." Said Shimazaki
"But he hurt you so bad that you're covered in bandages and you've been gone for so long…." Said Mob as she exhaled. Now she could taste the citrus…and feel her socks on her feet, too. The seam of them against her toes. The tag of her dress on the back of her neck. How soft his blanket was under her legs. That wasn't real silk, she knew what real silk felt like, but it was still so soft and nice…she squirmed a little bit. The whole world just felt really nice….
"I've had worse. Believe me, I've had worse. You dad didn't even do all of this. Well, ok, that Fukuda guy sucks as a healer. I told him not to go too fast because every time he goes too fast it messes with the ink but he went too fast, and it hurt like a bitch too, and now I've been getting pretty much every single piece touched up." Said Shimazaki. Mob nodded. She nodded and vaped again. That made sense…and also didn't.
"Why do you have those if you can't see them? And why aren't you made at me? And why do you have so many labels around? What do they say? And why is your bed so soft?" asked Mob as she exhaled again. She coughed a little less that time. She felt…good. She felt like she was floating…and she was a little. So she sat back down. His bed made a loud creaking sound when she sat down. It was funny. She laughed.
"Other people can see them, that's what matters, and to answer all of your other questions….you can keep hitting that by the way….of course I'm not pissed at you. Your dad was just doing what dad's do. I mean, yeah, I'm pissed that everyone thinks that I'm a creep for some reason but I'm not pissed at you….and to continue the labels tell me what's in the boxes and the boxes are full of clean and dirty clothes, mostly, but some stuff that I have to have Toshi separate out into things that match. As far as my bed goes….why not?" asked Shimazaki. Mob nodded. She nodded a bunch of times.
Nodding was fun.
And he could see her nodding. Every time she nodded he poked her on the top of the head…which was annoying…but also funny. Everything was funny. She didn't know why. She liked it, though, the way she felt. Even if she did keep on trying to float away.
"Welcome, Your Ladyship, to my level." Said Shimazaki. Mob stopped nodding.
"Why won't you call me Mob? That's what I want to be called." Said Mob
"Because I like to make you squirm." Said Shimazaki
"I don't squirm when you call me things other than Mob." Said Mob
"You do, emotionally, and I like that. Getting a reaction out of you…and to be clear the only reason I hit on you is to get a reaction out of you. I am not in any way attracted to you. You're not my type. My type is not kids. Ok?" said Shimazaki. He spoke really loud and clear like she couldn't' speak Japanese or something…or like how people spoke Japanese to Sho when they went places together…or like how people spoke English to her when she was in places where they spoke English…and it shouldn't have been funny but it was.
"I know that you're just trying to be annoying when you do stuff like that…I know….but nobody else does…they think that I like you…but I don't. I mean I don't want to be your girlfriend. You're a very nice person but…but you annoy me sometimes…and also you've kissed Minegishi a lot of times and that means that they at least like you enough to kiss you and I would never do that to my friend…and I don't want to kiss you….ok?" asked Mob. She thought that she had made herself perfectly clear, as clear as a person could be, and she hoped that he out of all the people she explained this to ACTUALLY LISTENED!
He listened…and he laughed.
"Rejected by a ten year old….I just got rejected by a ten year old…" said Shimazaki. Then he laughed…and she laughed too…and she didn't know what was so funny….but she was laughing…
"I-I'm sorry but I don't like you like that and I don't think that I ever will. I mean….I don't think that….not to be mean." Said Mob. She didn't want him to think that she was rejecting him. She wanted them to be friends. She wanted them to get along. She just didn't want to kiss him.
He took her hand, the one with the vape pen in it, and pressed it to her lips.
"Never say never." Said Shimazaki. He said it so low and slow and…and she stopped breathing…and then he went back to his own personal space.
"Not attracted to you! One hundred percent not attracted to you!" said Shimazaki as he threw himself back into his chair and spun around. Mob nodded and inhaled.
"I know. I don't like you like that either…I mean I want us to be friends…because you can be a very nice person when you want to be…and also we have fun together…and also Minegishi likes you and I want to be friends with the friends of my friends….and also I think that we could be friends…and also I've never had that many friends in my life…and also I could always use more friends…and also…and also…" said Mob. She was having trouble picking out words. She knew so many words and she was having trouble picked them out….because there were so many…and the music was loud…and he was spinning….
Then he suddenly stopped.
He picked up the box and started to shake it. She covered her mouth so he couldn't see her smiling. She didn't want to laugh, now, even though she had been laughing before. She felt weird laughing, now, maybe because she had just been laughing for so long…
"Can I open my present or do I have to wait for Christmas?" asked Shimazaki as he shook the box. Mob wanted to tell him not to do that because there was a can of soda in there and it might explode. She didn't, though, because a present was useless if she spoiled it.
"You can open it now…or wait until Christmas…or your birthday since that's sooner." Said Mob. She wanted him to open it now but it was his gift and he could open it whenever he wanted to. That was how owning things worked.
"You know my birthday?" asked Shimazaki. Mob nodded. Of course she knew his birthday. They were friends, weren't they? Friends knew each other's birthdays. That was how friendship worked.
"Yes. October twenty fifth. You can open it then or now. It's your box." Said Mob quickly as she exhaled. This was good…very good vape….and also her hair felt good for some reason. She wondered what his hair felt like. It wasn't standing up anymore. That was because it was the end of the day. She wondered how he knew what it looked like, why he put so much gel in it in the first place, but she didn't ask.
"You know, I think I'll open it now." Said Shimazaki. He didn't look at the box in his lap while he opened it…because he didn't have to. He was looking at it while touching it…because he was blind…and she had forgotten that. She didn't know how she could have forgotten that…but she had…because he got around so well…even with his eyes closed….even if that didn't matter…
He opened his eyes.
She jumped back. She had forgotten about that! Well she hadn't but she also had. That was…he had no eyes and she knew that he had no eyes but she also wasn't used to seeing his eyes…where they should have been…and also it was sort of scary…but she couldn't be scared…because he looked happy….because he found the candles…
"Mob…don't take this in a creepy way but if you were three or four years older I would fucking kiss you right now…but don't take that in a creepy way. I cannot emphasize that enough." Said Shimazaki. Mob nodded even though she thought that maybe he shouldn't say stuff like that if he didn't want people to think bad things about him.
"There's other stuff in there…and that's a can of Coke, too. I mean I know that you have to open cans to know what's in them and I remember that you said that you liked Coke so I got you a Coke. It's an original Coke. They had diet Coke and orange Coke and cherry Coke and vanilla Coke and lime Coke and lemon Coke and Coke zero and also strawberry Coke but I didn't know if you liked any of those so I got you a regular coke. Because you like Coke." Said Mob. She didn't know what was so funny but he started laughing at her again…and she laughed too….even though she didn't know what was funny…and also she hoped that he shared that soda with her…because she was thirty…but for soda…or milk…or carbonated milk…but she wasn't picky.
"I do like coke…and also coke….God, you're hilarious…I wish Toshi was here….or maybe not since I feel like this is something that they would take the wrong way." said Shimazaki. He was laughing still and Mob didn't know why…but she did wish that Minegishi was there….but they felt like they were asleep now…but she did miss them…and also she was so thirsty.
"I don't know what we're laughing at but can we share? I'm really thirsty." Said Mob. He opened the can and passed it to her. He also took his vape pen back…and she would have to ask him what kind that was…because it may have smelled bad and tasted bad but it was great…she was great….everything was great….
"Ok, I'll share this coke with you now and the good kind with you when you're older. God, I fucking love hanging out with you. I can't wait until you take over. We are going to have so much fun together….and I mean that in the least creepy way possible." Said Shimazaki. Mob nodded even though him saying that he was trying not to be creepy made him sound sort of like he was creepy…since he was trying not to be creepy…because on his own he should have not been creepy….she didn't know. She was thirsty. She knew that she was thirsty…so she drank some soda…
And it was the best soda that she had ever tasted.
This was the best apology ever….and she hadn't even had to do any kowtowing.