Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time… On the GameCube?

Summary: What happens when Ocarina of Time is remade for the GC (as in completely remade to sweet current-gen standards) and everyone in the game somehow knows about the change? What happens when the non-player characters finally get to do more than just stand/walk around? This is not the typical "A fan's vision of Zelda 64" fic. This is just a crazy little idea that a friend and I came up with one day in college, basically about Link getting some action but with a twist. By the way, even though I'm bashin' the N64's capabilities, I love the N64, so don't think I'm a N64 hater. I kid because I love, as they say. This is just a crazy tribute to my favorite N64 game of all time.

Pairings: Teenage Link/Zelda/Saria/Malon/Ruto/Nabooru 

Rating: T for sexual situations (nothing descriptively graphic unless demand for it is great), language, and possible violence.

Disclaimer: Take a freakin' guess, peeps. I don't own Zelda. She's a princess. I couldn't afford her, not even for one night. Lol. I also don't own anything that I'm spoofing in this fic.

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Chapter 1: Realizing The Better

Another day in peaceful Hyrule. That's what it felt like one morning, a few years after the events of Ocarina of Time, when Link woke up in his treehouse in the Kokiri Forest to the sounds of the forest children playing. Thoughts of the sweet, green-haired maiden, Saria, filled his mind when he heard a few giggles from one of the girls coming from the other side of the main living area, near The Twins' house. When he opened his eyes, his mind went blank for a moment. He didn't expect to see the sight that he saw. Didn't expect it at all…

His house. It seemed more defined, more lively, more like a real home, even though it's still basically a big hollowed out spot of a large tree. Sure, it looked the same as it always did, but Link was just amazed at how it seemed to be more natural. Getting his bearings, he decided that he liked this change. So, he got dressed and combed his hair, like he does in his usual morning routine. But, while looking in the mirror, he suddenly saw a strange purple image. An insignia of sorts. It slowly spun around, looking like a box tilted on a corner, but it was only some purple lines that looked like the letter G when the insignia was positioned just right. He did not know where it came from, nor who's mark it is, but he thought only one thing upon seeing the purple mark in the mirror.

'GameCube…'

His eyes widened, wondering how he knew what the mark meant. He definitely knew that he had not seen it at all in his life. Sighing, he grabbed his Master Sword (which also now looked a lot more like something a master smithy would've made), strapped it onto his back with his Hyrulian Shield, and walked outside. The view was amazing. He was sure that this "GameCube" thing had something to do with it. The Kokiri Forest was a paradise of nature. The fresh air, the scent of gentle flowers, the giggles of the females as they watched the guys play some outdoor game near the Kokiri Shop, it all looked and sounded like what Kokiri Forest should've always been like. He began to wonder why it all looked so semi-unrealistic before. Then, he wondered if he ever thought that about the Forest at all before this change.

The shock of it all behind him, he climbed down his creaky ladder and began looking around. He came across a girl that sighed dreamily when she saw him.

"Hi, Link!"

"Hey, Mina. (A/N: Yes, the unnamed Kokiri have names now, courtesy of me) You wouldn't happen to know why everything looks better somehow, would ya?"

"Why yes I do. We all know. It's the GameCube! It came and made us all look better. Look at me. Aren't I adorable? Isn't she cute too? And what about him? And whoa! Look at you! You're hot! May I kiss you?" she asked, apparently being a hyperactive fangirl. Indeed, he had grown quite a bit over time and he had been receiving dreamy, loving, and even lustful looks from all sorts of girls since after he hit puberty.

"Wouldn't Saria be mad? Speaking of which, I wonder how she looks now…" Link replied, resuming his earlier thoughts of the beauty with leaf-colored hair.

"Link! Aww… Come on. She's not gonna mind. Just one little kiss? Please?" Mina begged, clinging to his torso.

"But I'm a grown Hylian…" Link groaned, embarrassedly trying to get the blonde Kokiri off of him.

"Saria's a Kokiri too and you don't mind having a crush on her!" she snapped, fed up. She huffed and got off of him, marching off.

"Mina! …Aww, dammit… Why do I have to be so damn popular with women?" Link muttered. It definitely wasn't that he didn't like women. He just didn't like being the heartbreaker. Grumbling, he decided to start his search for Saria. He was certain that she was at her favorite spot again, the Meadow at the end of the Lost Woods. So, he went past Mido the Bully's house (which somehow had the words "Suck my Deku Nuts" painted above the entrance), climbed the vine wall, and entered the maze of trees that's known for turning people into lost souls and Stalfos.

Unfortunately for Link, even the Lost Woods got the "GameCube Treatment" as the maze was a lot more confusing than before. He tried to go the way he remembered, but for some reason, there seemed to be a few more twists and turns than he remembered. He started to get annoyed when he was thrown back to the Village for the 20th time. But then he realized that at least he could rely on Saria's ocarina music, which was (quite literally) music to his ears.

"Duh! Thank Nayru for that music of Saria's!" he said, slapping his forehead. He followed his ears easily through the confusing maze of green. Soon enough, he came to a familiar area: The smaller, easier-to-follow maze that was his last obstacle between him and one of his many crushes. Somehow, the Moblins were still allowed to charge around the little maze randomly. To Link's painful discovery, their muscles seemed to have gotten bigger as one of them shoulder-tackled him as he turned a corner. It took a half hour for Link to slay the new-and-improved Moblins and get past the maze. It also took an extra 15 minutes to kill the Giant Moblin that clubbed the ground of the natural hallway to the Forest Temple entrance. He climbed the flight of stairs and walked into a beautiful garden that spanned the entire area. Even the ruined-looking tree he used to hookshot up to the Forest Temple doorway had some leaves on it. He saw the familiar green-haired Kokiri, sitting on her tree stump and playing her ocarina. The stump was accompanied by two rosebushes now, the stump in between them.

It wasn't just the new garden that stunned Link into awe, but also the fact that Saria was even cuter than when he last saw her, even though her body hasn't matured at all from the passing years. Her Kokiri Tunic seemed to fit her more realistically, showing her adolescent curves and hinting at the shape of her small breasts. Her fingers fluttered at the ocarina as she played her song instead of looking glued to each other. Link sat on the stump, right next to Saria, and took out his own ocarina. Afrer Saria glanced at him and gave him a wink, they had the medieval equivalent of a jam session, playing everything from solos to duets, from ancient melodies to the current-day hits.

A couple of hours later, they finished up. Saria glanced at him while pocketing her ocarina. "My, my… You've gotten more handsome since the GameCube came along" she said, looking him over as the smile on her face bloomed into a complete grin. Link blushed. "I was just about to say how cuter you've gotten…" he replied, snickering. "Someone's quite the softie for someone who's supposed to be the brave and manly Hero of Time" the girl teased.

"I can't be serious all the time. Heh. So, do ya know anything about this GameCube thing?" he asked.

"Not really. I woke up this morning, saw myself, and this insignia appeared on the mirror. Somehow, I knew what it meant…"

"That's the same thing I went through this morning!"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Hmm… I wonder how the rest of Hyrule looks now" he said, the curiosity in his voice being evident.

"Oh no… I can tell what that means. I'm guessing you're leaving again…?" she said, a little bit of sadness in her tone. Yet again, her Link was leaving the forest and yet again, she was going to be left behind to miss him.

"Sorry, Saria… Too bad ya can't go with me…"

"Yeah. Darn that binding spell of the Forest…"

"I'll tell ya all about it when I get back, alright?" he asked, hoping that it'll satisfy her enough.

"You better. Otherwise, I'll make you stay here next time you want to go on a leisure trip" she grinned at this. Link admired her pretty smile. "Promise, Saria. But, if the world's in danger before I decide to take another journey, you know I have to save it" he answered, adding a grin of his own.

He got up and was about to say his goodbye when Saria got up and leaped at him, clinging to his chest in a hug. After regaining his balance, Link hugged her in return. "Remember the first time you left? I gave you one of my ocarinas?" she asked, still clinging to him. "Yeah. Definitely" he said, beginning to reminisce back to that fateful day, when his quest to destroy Ganon began. "Well, I got another gift for you" she said in a sing-song tone before placing her lips on his.

They spent the next 20 minutes making out. To the ordinary passerby, it would appear that the maturing Hero of Time is committing pedophilia. However, the ordinary passerby would not know the history behind these two very well, for Link was raised as a Kokiri even though he was actually Hylian. To add to that, Link and Saria have been the closest of friends since Link was taken into the Forest as a baby. As for Saria, she had developed a crush on her childhood friend, even before Link's quest began. From the tales that he told her about his adventures, including the Majora's Mask incident in Termina, she knew of the other women that wanted his affections. But, after Link spent hours confusing himself by trying to sort out his feelings for the women aloud with her one day, she told him that it was fine with her. She knew he was the kind of guy that would be super-reluctant to choose one woman over the others that also liked him. Probably because he figured that the other women would start a huge catfight over him. After that, she told herself that he'd choose a girl when he's good and ready. For now, she'd just enjoy whatever moments of intimacy they could have together.

When they stopped 'tongue-wrestling', Link put a grinning Saria down. "Thanks for the gift" he said, smiling back. "Not a problem" she replied. After a couple of heartfelt goodbyes, he left the Meadow to return to the Village. Saria sighed, took out her ocarina again, and played another tune, this time it being a tune that had the feeling of loneliness and worry to it…

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Link sighed as he finally got back to the Village, having heard the slightly melancholy tune that Saria played throughout his return trip. He hated making her worry, but it was understandable why she did when he considered the adventures he told her about. But still, he wanted to have a journey across Hyrule to see if anything's different. 'As much as I like adventuring, I hope this'll be a quick and peaceful trip. I really should stop stressing Saria out. She has enough on her plate being a Sage' he thought, an image of her standing in that Temple of the Sages place alongside her allies/friends came to mind. Even though he was the Hero of Time, the Sages still had to keep the peace, guarding their respectful temples.

He stopped by the Kokiri Shop to buy some potions, in case of an attack. After a greeting by the friendly Kokiri on the roof, Lana, he went inside. He saw one of the Twins, Flora, standing at the side of the counter, browsing as she always did. Her sister, Fauna, was at home. Link wondered what Flora was getting, but put that thought aside as he ordered a couple of Red Potions. The midget shopkeeper (even at Kokiri standards, he was considered a midget) took the Rupees and gave Link his potions, jealous of him for being so tall. Link thought he heard the midget grumble something about being insulted all the time. After that, he said a goodbye to the shopping Flora and left, ready to take on the world.

Mike, the Kokiri guy that's always at the exit, waved a goodbye to Link as he passed by. The other Kokiri always considered Mike to be a type of guard, since he's always hanging around the exit. Link remembered one time when Mike grabbed an intruding rogue Hylian bandit that tried to use the forest as a hideout and, despite their obvious age and height difference, picked up and threw the Hylian thief right through both entranceways from where he was standing.

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Link silently gave a fond goodbye to the forest as he crossed the bridge to Hyrule Field.

More than once, Link had thought of Hyrule Field as a beautiful piece of land (when it was daytime, anyway), with the view of every major place in Hyrule Kingdom, the fresh air, and the overall sense of a new adventure that he'd always get from going out from his home. Now, after the mysterious "GameCube" had overhauled Hyrule, the field seemed to be even bigger than ever before, the incredibly vast view of the Hyrule Market, Death Mountain, Lake Hylia, the outskirts of Kokiri Forest, and the Gerudo HQ that altogether surrounded him was nearly overwhelming to the young Hylian. The grass seemed greener, the leafy trees that dotted the field were practically overflowing with leaves and (in the case of a few trees) fruit, and the breeze felt good against Link, the stray strands of hair being blown backward. He sorely began to wish he could bring Saria out of the forest to show her the fantastic view.

"Wow... And here I thought things couldn't look better when I was home!" he said, grinning at the sight as he took out his ocarina. After playing Epona's Song, his faithful horse trotted toward him, looking even more like a horse worthy of being a hero's steed. Link climbed aboard and sent Epona on her way, riding toward Hyrule Market.

Halfway through the field, he spotted the familiar Lon Lon Ranch. The sleepy little farm immediately brought in thoughts of milk, horse racing, and a certain red-haired, singing rancher girl. With a grin on his face, he found himself turning Epona toward the horse's home to pay Malon a visit.

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The young woman had just finished washing the dishes from the breakfast that she and her father, Talon, had eaten when she heard a neigh from outside. A neigh that she knew all too well. Epona. She went to the window and, after a glance, smiled. The man of her (mostly erotic) dreams had arrived to visit. Filled with an excitement from a few suggestive ideas she suddenly had, she went outside to greet him. And what a greeting she gave him.

Link hopped off Epona, taking in a whiff of the breezy fresh air of the ranch. He was just about to call for Malon when he was tackled to the ground by a red and white blur. He would've protested against the attack if soft, warm, definitely female lips hadn't locked with his own. It was Malon alright.

'Whoa! I never knew her to be the pouncing type' he thought as he started to return her kisses. Then, he snickered inside. A guy could certainly get used to this kind of warm welcoming. He felt her gentle hands get beneath his tunic, rubbing his back as her tongue wormed her way into his mouth. Yep, a very warm welcome.

'Nothing can go wrong now!' he mentally shouted, thanking the Goddesses.

…And that's when Talon came out.

"Malon? I—WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE!"

The kissing stopped as Malon quickly got up off of Link.

'Shit! I'm so screwed! He's probably gonna grab his rake and bash me with it!' Link chastised mentally, expecting the worst from Talon.

"Oh. Hullo, Link. Decided to marry Malon after all, huh?" the slightly rotund farmer asked, laughing a little at his joke.

Link's jaw dropped. 'He's not mad?'

"Daddy…" Malon muttered, her face growing as red as her silky hair. Link took that chance to look her over and think for a moment about how the ever-so-mysterious GameCube changed her. Her hands looked gentle and soft (and again, not 'glued together'), yet they also had the look of hands that had worked many tough physical jobs for a long while. He then checked out her outfit. Her dress that she always wore was slightly dirty already from her welcome pounce on him. Her shoes seemed to be more like rounded, foot-shaped leather shoes instead of the brown blocks he always thought they looked like. Finally, as though saving the best for last, he looked at her face, with the lovely lips that he was just kissing a moment ago, the cute blush that spread across her cheeks, her shiny blue eyes, and of course, her long fiery hair that fluttered as a breeze blew through. Talon's jolly laughter interrupted the 2 seconds that Link took to observe her.

"Aw, it's ok, Malon. I trust Link after what he did years ago" Talon said, laughing joyfully.

'Well, I did save the world after all' Link's mind admitted modestly.

"He found my Super-Cuccos, so he's the only boy I'll trust you with" Talon said, heading back inside to snooze.

Malon looked confused, as did Link. 'Oh yeah. He doesn't know about that adventure…' Link realized.

"What does finding 3 cuccos have to do with supporting me in marriage?" the redhead asked Link, feeling a little embarrassed to have Talon for a father.

"I… dunno" the Hero of Time replied. 'I remember that very few people know about my adventure, but seriously… was that cucco game really how he finds a boy for his daughter? How LAZY!' A sweatdrop mark appeared on the back of his head as he thought.

He and Malon spent five minutes staring stupefied at the spot where the lazy rancher had stood.

'I bet I have a few ideas on where Malon's mother is…' Link thought. He could just imagine some red-haired, older woman packing her bags and leaving, yelling at Talon for being too lazy for anything. The portly rancher was likeable enough to Link, but still…

"So… wanna help me feed the animals?" Malon asked, the mind-numbing effects of her father's actions wearing off. She smiled at him. How could the Hero of Time refuse with an innocent smile like hers?

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What would be the upside of working at Lon Lon Ranch? Link got to work alongside Malon, so he spent the day talking with her about this and that while they worked. The chat never got boring or awkward for the duo, which made time pass quite quickly while making the work more enjoyable. Although, as far as the awkward part went, there was that hour or so when Malon kept playfully bugging him to tell her more about the other women he liked… Once again, she chose to have fun watching him stutter and blush as he told her about them. Innocent as she was, she wasn't opposed to the idea of Link seeing more than one woman. From what Link told her, they all sounded like nice girls anyway (even though she did think that the desert-girl, Nabooru, seemed more like a prostitute and that the fish-girl, Ruto, was just a bit too clingy). Nonetheless, it was an hour of Link putting his foot in his mouth, much to Malon's pleasure.

The downside of working at Lon Lon? Even for Heroes of Time, the work could be dreadfully tiring. It was twilight when Link finally let himself fall on a hay pile right when Malon told him that the chores were finally finished. 'How can she stand doin' this every day?' he thought as sweat ran down his face. He believed that, by now, he stunk. But apparently, Malon didn't mind, for she plopped on the same pile next to him, grinning.

"You're a hard worker, Fairy Boy" she said, that amused grin still on her pretty face.

"Well, considering all that I've been through, farming chores is a bit easier. But easier or not, it's still tiring!" he said, snickering. Malon giggled in response.

"How can ya stand to do all this work every day? Milking cows, cleaning the stables of droppings, giving the horses a good run, bailing hay, trying to get Ingo to stop whining, making breakfast, lunch, and dinner… More work… Man…" he asked, a curious look about him.

"One just gets used to it. Wouldn't that be what you'd say if somebody asked you about how you can take all that fighting you do to save the world again and again?" she replied, the grin turning into a sly smirk.

Link thought on that for a moment. "…I didn't think of it that way."

"I didn't think you would think" she laughed. Link groaned, but her laughter turned out to be contagious as he joined in soon after. After thinking on what she said about her work, he had a newfound respect for the redhead. She may not have saved a world, but Link believed that she was just as strong as he was. Just in a different way.

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Everything was white… Or was it white? Maybe it was colorless. But white is a color, right? Who knew? Nobody knows with The Void… Not even the only person trapped in The Void, Ganondorf. It seemed like eons that he floated around in the whiteness/colorless/nothingness of Limbo, contemplating the true look of the place and grasping his right hand which held the Triforce of Power.

For Ganondorf, he thought that he was losing his mind. White, colorless, nothingness… He could barely remember the face of the bastard who trampled over his precious plans of world domination. Hell, he was starting to forget what the word 'domination' meant. Years ago (or was it decades ago? Millennia?), he had tried to break through the barrier (wall?) to Hyrule. However, every time he tried, it seemed as though The Void stretched on forever with no walls or barriers at all. A universe of white nothingness. But if there's no color here, than what's with all the white? It can't be all nothingness here. Nothingness would be black, right? Wait. Black's another color.

It would be the five-millionth time that Ganondorf had come across these thoughts in his mind when finally, after so long, something began to appear. A purple (Violet? Indigo?) insignia. Some sort of spinning blocky G (Capital G? Lower-case g?) shape… He wondered what that was all about when the insignia (symbol?) disappeared and, in its place, a tear in the fabric of Void-space appeared, showing the Gerudo Desert beyond.

"YES! AN ESCAPE!" cheered the King of Evil as he swam toward the rip in space (or is it a rip in time?). As he grabbed the rip and was about to push himself through, he grinned a psychotic grin. "Link… You're goin' to Hell for confusing me for so damn long…" he sneered as he shoved himself out, landing on the sands in front of the colossus. "One question though… What the Hell's a GameCube…?" he muttered as he got up and wandered around the desert. He eventually found a little building with an underground room. He could see the invisible Poe floating around it. The sight of it annoyed him. A couple of dark chi blasts later, Ganondorf jumped down into the small underground building to rest and regain his dark energy, thinking of revenge (or is it just starting another attack?)……… He had just realized that he confused himself yet again.

"….Damn that Void…"

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It was the middle of the night. Link and Malon were sleeping on that very hay pile, a blanket covering them. Items of their clothing surrounded them as they slept, the top of Link's Kokiri Tunic lying almost symbolically on top of Malon's ruffled-up white and purple dress. Malon had her arms wrapped around her Hero as she smiled in her sleep, dreaming of the wild evening she and Link shared together, of how happy and free he made her, of how complete she felt when they became one. She wished that she would be the one that Link would choose in the end.

However, Link had a completely different dream. Almost like a nightmare…

Link had found himself sitting in a chair on some sort of stage, talking with an older man about his girl-choosing troubles. The older man was wearing a fancy suit, had short grey hair, and a green card with the name, Gerry Stringer, on the back of it. Sitting to his right were all the women he loved: Saria the Kokiri, Malon the rancher girl, Ruto the Zoran Princess that he was unwittingly engaged to, Zelda the Hyrulean Princess who had fallen in love with him after he destroyed Ganon, and Nabooru the Gerudo Leader.

"…so I really don't know which girl to choose. I love all of them, really…" Link heard himself finish.

"Well, ya know, you're going to have to choose one. In most cases like this, fights break out among the girls to determine for themselves which is the best one for you. You don't want that to happen, right?" Gerry asked, in a serious tone. Even as he said that, Link could see his girls glaring at each other, ready to fight.

"No. I thought long and hard about this and… I think I made a choice. I'm… I'm in love with…. Malon" he said, sounding a little confident, but also a little dejected. After all, he had a hunch at what would happen, no matter who he decided on.

And sure enough, he was right.

"Oh Link…! I love you too!" Malon sobbed, being the happiest girl in Hyrule. However, Ruto ran up to her and slapped her across the face, screaming "He's my man!". That caused Saria to lunge at the figh girl and wrap her arms around her neck, choking her out. Zelda clung to Link, begging for a second chance at love. He could see the terrible heartbreak in the beautiful blonde princess' eyes, the very thing he didn't want to see in the eyes of any of the girls.

Zelda was interrupted by an attack from Nabooru, who had jumped up and wrapped her legs around Zelda's head before falling back and whipping her legs back, throwing the Hyrulean princess down to the ground. Malon ran past, being chased closely by a murderous Ruto, who had Saria still suffocating her with her chokehold. "Leave me alone…!" Malon shouted, afraid.

A wrestling bell rung a few times… The audience started to chant Gerry's name… The sound of the girls killing each other began to overpower the chants… It was too much for Link to take… He closed his eyes, not wanting to look anymore.

"Ladies… Stop it, please… I'm sorry! I didn't want this to happen! Please… STOP IT!" he cried. Instantly, the sounds of the chaos and clatter ended. Instead, the sound of birds chirping and a worried Malon replaced them. He opened his eyes to find himself back in the Lon Lon stable, a frightened Malon looking at him.

"A…are you ok, Link…?" She placed a hand on his forehead. He appeared to calm down at her touch.

"Yeah, Mal… Just had a hell of a nightmare…" he muttered, wondering if he should choose a lover soon before his girlfriends kill each other… he then thought if the GameCube's treatment was responsible for the new nightmare. He hadn't had a nightmare since the Majora's Mask incident…

"I'll get you some breakfast… I woke up, hearing you scream for someone to stop… You screamed for about a minute… I was so worried…" she said as she put her clothes on. Link would've enjoyed watching her dress if it weren't for the dream situation freaking him out. Malon figured that, so she didn't bother with the idea of slowly dressing to tease him. She'd striptease for him again sometime later.

Link apologized immediately for worrying her. She gave a small smile to reassure him and left to put together a good breakfast for the two of them. Link took that time to get dressed himself. While putting his tunic back on, he began to think about the nightmare again.

'Who the hell is Gerry Stringer anyway?'

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End of Chapter 1

Author's Notes: I hope you all enjoyed that. It took a while but I finally got this chapter put down. I hope I can write chapter 2 and update soon. I had a RockMan.EXE/Castlevania crossover fanfic goin', but I haven't been workin' on it lately, I'm sad to say. RockMan.EXE (aka "MegaMan NT Warrior" in the USA) came out with new episodes after a few chapters and things in the fic ended up getting too A/U for me. There were new characters that I could've used, new situations I could've taken advantage of, etc. Ah well. I hope I get to actually finish this new fic. It's my third fic ever.

Anyways, as far as the Link/Malon lemon that I obviously skipped over… Like I said at the rating part of the intro to this fic, I'm not gonna do lemon scenes unless I get enough demand for it. Then, I'll spike the rating to M and add in the sex. It's up to you, Zelda fans! Also, I would like to have your opinions on which girl Link should choose to be his true love. He's gonna have little romps with all of them, but I'm not sure who his final choice should be. So, again, it's up to you! Review please!

Preview of Chapter 2: Link is ready to leave Lon Lon Ranch and continue on his journey to see what other improvements the GameCube has made. Will he do Malon again before he leaves? Anyways, he visits the Hyrule Market to have a lookaround. Will he see Zelda? What will Zelda say about this GameCube thing? Will Link finally be able to go inside Zelda's home (besides just that Courtyard)? Will Link have another spoof-nightmare? If so, what's the parody this time? Find out in Chapter 2: Just Another Run To That Crazy Market!