Disclaimer: Same as before - none of the JAG folks belong to me, etc....
A/N: So many wonderful reviews, I can't thank folks enough! It means alot to me that people like my writing this much, it's really cool. On a side note, for those who keep offering me so many kind words and well-wishes with regard to my own personal situation, I have an update - but it's not a good one. In Chapter 5, I had Mac undergo a procedure to check for tubal blockages and uterine abnormalities. I had this done in 2003, and today I had it done again. This time, we found my left tube is blocked, and I'll have to have surgery soon to either clear and repair it or remove it. I'm so sad - this is just another painful blow in a very long line of painful blows. SO... we'll have to see what happens, but please keep the positive thoughts, prayers and kind words coming - I need them.... ::hugs to you all::
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Chapter 11:
The 6 weeks since the miscarriage had been filled with a vast range of emotions for Mac. She'd gone through times where she felt great and seemed to take it all in stride, and times where it seemed the world was coming to an end. Harm had been her rock through it all, she couldn't imagine going through it with anyone but him. She never lost sight of the fact that the baby she'd lost was his as well as hers, and she made a point to ask him how he was doing each day. It was tough sometimes with no one at JAG aware that anything had happened, but they found a way to keep it hidden and carry on their duties without letting on that they were grieving. Ultimately, the loss pulled Harm and Mac closer together and strengthened their love for one another, perhaps the only blessing that could come from so much pain.
"Everything looks wonderful, Sarah" said Dr. Kendall.
"That's good" said Mac, "we've been hoping it would." It was their first appointment since the miscarriage, and they were a little anxious about it, so it was a great relief to hear the doctor say things were good.
"Well, if you're ready, we can begin another treatment cycle." said the doctor.
"We're ready" answered Harm, "we're glad you didn't find any need for us to wait any longer."
Dr. Kendall turned to a page in Mac's chart and studied it for a moment. "According to my notes from a few months back, you'd decided you wanted to take the fertility pills and try naturally for 2 cycles, and if that wasn't successful you'd move on to the pills with artificial insemination. Is that still your plan?"
It had indeed been what Harm and Mac intended to do, but during the break, they'd given it some more thought. "We've changed our minds a little on that" said Mac, "if it's alright, we'd like to go ahead with the insemination this time around."
"Sure, that's fine" said Dr. Kendall, "may I ask what changed your minds?"
"We know time isn't our friend in this situation" said Harm, "and the longer it takes to try different things, the more difficult it could be, so we're ready to step it up a notch."
"I think that's a smart move, Commander" said the doctor, "you'd be surprised how many couples act as if they've got all the time in the world to try different treatments, and in reality that's just not the case."
"We've read over the information you gave us at our first appointment" said Mac, "and since insemination is an option for us, we'd like to go that route right now. We feel like we stand a better chance of conceiving that way versus trying naturally - do we?"
"Oh, yes, Sarah", answered the doctor, "your chances of success do increase with the more advanced treatments, so it can only be to your benefit to try them."
"That sounds great" said Harm, "how soon can we get started?"
"As good luck would have it - and you both certainly deserve some good luck", said Dr. Kendall, "today". Mac and Harm looked at one another, the same surprised expression on their faces.
"I can see you're a little surprised that you have a chance to get going on this today" said Dr. Kendall, "would you like a few minutes to talk it over?"
Harm looked at Mac "do we need to talk about it?" he asked her. "I don't think so" she replied, "we decided to try the insemination as soon as possible because we don't want to waste time, so if this is 'as soon as possible', then let's go for it."
"As long as you're sure you're ready" said Harm, "I'm with you, let's go for it."
"Great" said the doctor, "I'd like to go over the basics of this treatment, since a few things differ a bit from last time."
"Sure, that's fine" said Harm, "are there really many differences, aside from the obvious one?"
"No, Commander" said the doctor, "actually the only difference between this cycle and the last one you did will come after Sarah has her mid-cycle ultrasound."
"Mm-hmm" said Harm, nodding his head in understanding.
The doctor continued "whereas last time we gave her the shot to trigger ovulation and left the rest up to the two of you, this time we'll need you both to come back in the day after Sarah gets her shot."
"Right" said Mac, listening carefully to the doctor and holding onto Harm's hand.
"Actually", continued Dr. Kendall, "we'll need the Commander's 'contribution' a couple of hours before the procedure since it takes the lab awhile to get it ready to use, so we'll have an appointment for him for early that morning and then a later one for the actual insemination."
"That doesn't sound too complicated" said Mac.
"It's really not" said the doctor, "it's a bit more involved than the last time, but it's really not a big thing. The insemination itself takes about 5 minutes. I'll be using a very tiny catheter to deposit the sperm inside you uterus, then you'll need to lay flat on the table for about 15 minutes afterwards to give 'the little guys' as good a chance as possible to make it where they need to make it, and that's it."
"I think we can handle that" said Harm, "can you think of any questions?" he asked, turning to Mac.
"No" she said, "I'm clear on how it all works, you?"
"Nope, nothing I can think of" replied Harm.
"Well, if we're all clear on everything" said the doctor, "I'll write you the prescription for the fertility pills, which you need to start taking today, and just like last time I need to see you on day 11 of the cycle."
"Got it" said Mac.
Dr. Kendall handed her the prescription, and they shook his hand on their way out.
12 days later…..
"Knock, knock" said Harm as he stood at Mac's office door.
"Hey, you're back" she said, "how'd it go?"
"Fine" said Harm, "they'll be ready for us at 11:30, I double-checked the time on my way out of Dr. Kendall's office."
"Yeah, that's what I have written down but it never hurts to make sure" said Mac. "Did you put in for a few hours of personal leave for this?" she asked him.
"Yeah, did you?" he replied.
"Yeah, I knew I didn't need the whole day", she said, "and I'm trying not to use my sick leave unless I have to, you know?"
"Same here" answered Harm, both thinking about the day they called in sick following the miscarriage.
"I better go get a little work done", said Harm, " I'll meet you in the parking lot at 10:45, OK?"
"I'll be there, flyboy" said Mac, smiling just a bit. She was excited about trying again, they both were. The heartache and pain of the miscarriage was still very real, as was the fear that it could happen again, but both she and Harm agreed that when it came to the really important things in life, they couldn't be afraid to keep trying.
The doctor's office was right on schedule that day, and they called Harm and Mac to the back almost as soon as they arrived.
The doctor's office was right on schedule that day, and they called Harm and Mac to the back almost as soon as they arrived.
"I'm sure by now you know the drill" the nurse said to Mac as she led them into the exam room.
"Oh yes" replied Mac, "all too well I'm afraid." She got undressed and covered up with the sheet and sat on the exam table while Harm sat in the chair next to her.
"Look over there on the counter" said Harm. Mac looked over and saw the small glass vial sitting in a stand, the label on it read "Mackenzie, Sarah" in bright red ink.
"Hey, go give your 'little guys' a pep talk while we're waiting" she joked to Harm.
"Oh, and just what exactly am I supposed to tell them?!" said Harm, kidding back.
"Tell them they've got a mission to do and they better do it and do it right, in fact make it an order!" said Mac, and the two of them laughed together.
"Are you nervous?" he asked her.
"Not about the procedure" she said, "but I'm nervous about the chance of losing another baby."
"We've gotta try not to think about that" said Harm, "I know it's easy to say 'we just won't think about that', but we know it's not something we can ever forget about and it's scary."
"Yeah" replied Mac, looking down at the floor.
"Hey, chin up, Marine" said Harm, "this is a new chance and a new opportunity and we need to think positive, alright?"
"Yes, sir!" she said, giving Harm a mock salute.
"There's that smile I love so much" said Harm, flashing her a killer smile in return.
"Come in" said Mac when they heard Dr. Kendall knock at the door. He entered and greeted the couple, asked if they had any questions, and then got down to business.
"Alright" said Dr. Kendall as he checked to make sure everything he needed was there, "are we ready?"
"We are" said Mac, with just a hint of nerves creeping in.
"OK, just lay back, relax, and we'll be done before you know it" said the doctor.
Mac reached out to hold Harm's hand, and he took her hand and kissed it gently. "I love you" she mouthed to him. "I love you, too" he mouthed back.
"All done, Sarah" said Dr. Kendall a few minutes later.
"Wow, that was fast" said Mac, "and it didn't hurt at all".
"I'm glad to hear that" said the doctor, "I need you to lay here for about 15-20 minutes, I'll send a nurse in to let you know when you can get up and get dressed, OK?"
"Sure" said Mac, knowing that she didn't need anyone to come tell her when the time had passed, but she understood it was standard procedure.
"Thank you, doctor" said Harm as the doctor finished making a few motes in Mac's chart.
"My pleasure, Commander" said the doctor, "I hope this cycle ends with very good news" and with that he left the room.
"So, how do you feel?" Harm asked Mac as she laid on the table waiting out her time.
"Fine" she said, "seriously, I hardly felt anything at all, and none of it hurt."
"That's a pleasant change of pace from everything you've been through lately, huh?" replied Harm.
"Indeed" answered Mac, "and I agree with Dr. Kendall, I hope this cycle ends with good news."
"Me too, " agreed Harm, "we'll know in 2 weeks."