Sho was not Fukuda's son.
He had to remember that. Sho was not his son. Sho could not and would not ever be his son. Sho was Suzuki's son. Sho was a child who Fukuda had no relation too. Sho was just a child who had been left in his care for the time being. Sho was just a child who Fukuda was sharing a meal with. Sho was just a child who Fukuda cared for. Sho was not his son. Sho was Suzuki's son. Sho was Masami's son.
Sho was not his son.
So why did it feel like he was? Why did it feel the two of them sitting at a table together, like they could have been father and son? Like they could have been a family in some far off time? In some other world? In another existence? He had shared meals with Sho before, more and as of late, but it had never felt like this before. Maybe because he had always been able to feel Suzuki there. At the corners of his perceptions. His aura always so bright, so there, so very much. Being away from Suzuki gave him some room to finally breathe…
And Sho, too, it seemed.
"Sho, eat your salad. You can't live on junk food." Said Fukuda. He sounded like a father, there, like he could have been Sho's father…and he needs to stop thinking about him like that. This was not his son. This could not be his son. He and Masami hadn't started up with…all of that…until well after Sho had been born. This was not his son. This was just…just him taking care of Suzuki's son for him. That was all. This child was not his child.
Even though it felt like it sometimes.
"I don't live on junk food. I had a cinnamon apple poptart for breakfast this morning." Said Sho as he picked at his salad. It was gross. There were cucumbers on it and no ranch dressing. If there had been ranch then he could have picked off the cucumbers and then drowned the taste away. That would have been perfect. But there was no dressing at all. Just a plate of leaves and vegetables.
Which was gross.
He didn't want to eat it, he didn't think that he could even get it down his throat without throwing up everywhere, but he knew that he had to try. Dad wasn't there to tip him backwards in his chair and big sis wasn't there to go on and on and on about how he needed to eat his salad….but he still didn't want to make Fukuda upset with him. He still didn't want to make Fukuda not let him see baby Mukai. Fukuda had that kind of power and Sho…he knew how adults could be.
Even nice ones like Fukuda.
"That's all you had?" asked Fukuda. He'd had to leave Sho on his own for breakfast…and it had been hard for him…but he was there to work and not play house. Ishiguro rose before the sun and that meant that the whole of the Seventh Division had to rise before the sun. When the Seventh Division rose then he rose too. He had a lot of work to do. Apparently since stress and pain made new Awakened then the best thing to do would be to up the stress and pain no matter what it did to the human mind.
There were a lot people to heal and a lot of machines to recalibrate.
Ishiguro was trying to get back into Suzuki's favor. It wasn't going to work. The failures of the Division fell on the Division leader and Suzuki did not tolerate failures. He wanted that kid back. He needed that kid back. Esper kids were a rarity and he needed as many as he could get his hands on…that is if they weren't his actual, biological, children.
He was risking his life bringing Sho here.
Sho had a right to see his own little sister. Suzuki hadn't been listening when he proposed that Sho come with. That was the only way that he'd said yes. When Suzuki was stressed he got obsessive. When he got obsessive there was only enough room in his mind for one thing at a time. So his youngest daughter slipped his mind. Good for Sho and Fukuda…and arguably Mukai as well. She was being raised in the Seventh Division compound, Fukuda didn't think it counted as maternity leave if Tsuchiya couldn't actually leave but what did he knew he wasn't Division Leader, and that was a hell of a lot better than being raised in the Suzuki household.
Just look at what happened to Sho.
He was less angry, which was good, but more anxious. He had been upset earlier because he had shouted at Mukai…which was not good at all…but he'd said sorry. He was still going to see Mukai tomorrow. Her mother trusted Sho around her and Sho…he was going to try to trust himself around her. He wondered if Tsuchiya knew that Sho was Mukai's older brother…she probably did…but she was also probably smart enough to keep quiet about it. After all, it would do no good to tell Suzuki that she knew all about his private fuck ups.
Of which there were many.
Suzuki may have been the most powerful man in the world but that didn't make him smart. He'd always gotten good grades, and when he put his mind to it he could accomplish a lot, but he was also a real idiot about a lot of things. Like his kids. Like raising his kids. Like the very basics of raising kids. When Masami had been pregnant with Sho he had poured over baby books because, according to him, he only needed to learn about the stages of life which he had zero memories of. He really should have kept on reading about parenting. Especially if he had been planning on driving his wife away.
Don't think about Masami.
She was out there somewhere and after three years he'd finally had a chance to get Sho to her…and he had no idea where she even was. He had no idea where to even start looking. Part of him wondered if she even wanted to be found. She was hiding from Claw, yes, but also….also it felt like she was hiding from him. It hurt. He'd always had those fantasies, and he wasn't stupid he knew that they could never be more than fantasies, of finding her and then…and then picking up where they'd left off. Running away together. Taking the kids…well taking Sho…and then just starting a new life. Maybe even having a kid of his own…all wild fantasies. Not just because he was forty three and way too old to be having kids. She was gone and…and he had to accept that. He had to accept that and do his best by her son.
Which included getting him to eat a vegetable that wasn't smothered in cheese or deep fried in tempura.
"I had some chocolate milk, too, and some bacon. That's food groups. The poptart had fruit and grains and the chocolate milk had dairy and the bacon was protein. That's enough for breakfast." Said Sho. He sort of missed being back home. At least dad hardly ever tipped his chair back anymore and big sis would back off if he complained enough. Also he could eat boxes of cereal in front of the TV. That was always a good time.
"Uh-huh. And what did you have for lunch?" asked Fukuda. He knew that food was not the hill to die on. He had told himself, when he was Sho's age, that when he had kids he would never try and force them to eat things that they did not want to…but he had been nine or ten when he'd had that thought. That had been over thirty years ago and since then he'd realized that even though he healed quickly that didn't mean he got to live on sugar.
Sugar wasn't good for anyone.
That was the one thing they agreed with Minegishi about. Sugar was poison. Of course they were a hypocrite, though, since Fukuda had seen them eat an entire platter of chocolate covered strawberries at a Claw function once. Still, sugar was not something that Sho needed more of. He had enough energy and enough trouble keeping still and focused as it was. Also there was the state of his teeth. Sho's last baby tooth was pretty much one big cavity…and that was his fault for not thinking to periodically heal the kid…
Sho was a big responsibility but he was Fukuda's responsibility.
"Tsuchiya made me a sandwich but it was gross. The meat had these weird red things in it. She said that they were pimentos. They were gross. They gave me hernias." Said Sho. He had been exaggerating a bit but when he said that things made him react like that it sounded like he was allergic. You weren't supposed to eat things that you're allergic to. That was why he didn't have to eat citrus fruits…and also some fruits that he did not like even though they didn't have citrus in them.
"What?" asked Fukuda trying not to laugh.
"The red things that grow on my skin and itch when I eat something that I'm not supposed to." Said Sho. Fukuda was laughing…but he was not trying to be mean….and Sho had to remember that he was not trying to be mean.
"Hives, Sho. You mean hives." Said Fukuda. He laughed, well he tried not to, but he laughed. Sho glared at him…which made him laugh a little more.
"Fine. Hives. The red things on my skin. Pimentos give me hives but I still ate it anyway because I didn't want her to kick me out. Besides, Mukai drinks formula and I tasted it back when she lived with us. It doesn't taste like milk at all. It's so gross." Said Sho. He stuck out his tongue as he remembered what little sis' main source of food tasted like. Even though he knew that he was not supposed to stick out his tongue at the table…or ever.
Dad's rule.
But dad wasn't there. Dad wasn't there and big sis wasn't there. He had never been so far away from the both of them. It was…weird. She had been his big sister for his entire life and they had always been together…but now they weren't. It was easier to be away from dad because dad had always gone off to work and stuff…but being away from big sis was weird…but it was for the best. He had been about to hurt her, before, but it was ok so long as he never ended up doing stuff like that. Hurting her for real. It was important to never cross lines like that. Fukuda has said so. It was better that they were apart…even though he missed her…but also didn't…
He got to see baby sis and that was enough for him…or at least it should have been.
"It was good of you to eat it even if you didn't like it. That was very grown up of you. Very polite." Said Fukuda. Sho had controlled his temper. He had been good about it since coming here. He was a much calmer boy when he was away from his family…and Fukuda didn't much want to bring him back…but the time was coming.
This was not going to be forever.
Sho was going to have to say goodbye to his little sister again. It wouldn't be forever….hopefully. One mission would turn into two and then three and so on and so forth. Suzuki had different standards for each of his kids. He didn't care much for his son. Sho could be allowed out of his sight. Shigeko on the other hand…well she was daddy's little girl. Even if her dad didn't always know what to do to be a good father. There was that debacle with Shimazaki..and Fukuda had never imagined that he of all people would ever have had to tell Suzuki to beat someone up let alone a grown man who had taken interest in his ten year old daughter. Suzuki had such a soft spot for Shigeko it was ridiculous.
He didn't much care for Sho, though.
So these missions would come again. There was about a once yearly inspection of the Divisions. Fukuda rarely went to these unless there was something that warranted his presence. Like now. There was only so much he could do for the Awakened….and he was so glad that Sho wasn't around to see…and he didn't want Sho to ever have to see…but sometimes you had to weigh the pros and cons….and the pros outweighed the cons.
Sho needed to get away from his father and he needed to see his little sister.
"I didn't want Mukai to see me being a jerk. If she sees me being a jerk then she might end up being a jerk too and baby sis is too little to act like that." Said Sho. She was not going to grow up to be a jerk like he was. She was going to grow up to be happy. She was going to grow up and be nice. She was going to grow up to be gentle. She was going to grow up to be much better than what Sho could be.
"You aren't a jerk, Sho, but it is good for you to want to set a good example for your little…for the baby. She really looks up to you." Said Fukuda. He could not confirm that she was his little sister. She was his sister and he wouldn't just accept that fact without explanation…and Fukuda was not going to explain to Sho how adultery worked. How sometimes people did things with people who they were not married to and that sometimes it was wrong and sometimes it wasn't and…and Sho was nine and he did not need all of that banging around in his skull.
"She has to look up to me. I'm bigger than she is. She can't even stand up yet. She can sit up and she tries to crawl but that's it." Said Sho. Fukuda laughed, again, and shook his head. Sho stabbed another cucumber. Maybe if he stabbed them enough times they would disintegrate.
"That's true. She is tiny. But she does look up to you so it's good for you to set a good example…and that means eating things that you don't like. You need to eat some real food, Sho." said Fukuda
"I had a cinnamon apple poptart and that has fruit in it and fruit is good for me." Said Sho
"That's not as healthy as it sounds. Poptarts are mostly sugar. There's very little real apple in there. Come on, you can't just eat the meat and the rice. You need a vegetable, too." Said Fukuda. He didn't know if he was overstepping or not. He didn't know if he could even tell someone else's kid what to eat. Dinner had always been a battlefield when he had been young…but that had also instilled good eating habits in him. Sho…the kid lived on junk food and Suzuki let him because it was just easier than teaching him how to take care of himself.
Calm. Down.
"But I don't want to eat it. I don't like it, I especially don't like cucumbers, and it's my dinner and my stomach and I don't get why I have to put my dinner in my stomach if I don't want to. Dad never makes me eat anything. He just makes me leave the table or makes me fall out of my chair or something." Said Sho. He didn't see why he had to eat something he hated just because someone told him to. He did it for big sis because she never shut up about him eating all of the food groups. It was his stomach and he was the one who decided what went in it. He didn't get why people made other people eat specific foods. It wasn't like they were taking food away from you by not eating…or whatever.
"You don't eat a lot of vegetables, Sho, and you should. You're growing and you need nutrients." Said Fukuda. He didn't want to fight with him but…but he also had a responsibility to Sho. A nine year old should not have been allowed to have as much autonomy over himself at his age. A nine year old should have been working hard at growing up. He should have been learning how to take care of himself, not being thrown to the deep end.
"….are you going to get mad at me if I don't eat the salad? Because I don't like it. There's cucumbers on it and I don't like cucumbers and even if I pick them off the whole salad will taste like cucumbers and there's no ranch dressing to drown the salad in…and I don't like salad without ranch." Said Sho. He was calm and he was going to stay calm. He was going to stay calm and he was going to…to eat his salad…even though he couldn't even being himself to bring a single piece of cucumber to his mouth.
They were gross vegetables that were too lazy to become pickles.
"I won't be mad at you but I do want you to try. How about…three bites? Three bites and then if you still don't like it you can be all done." Said Fukuda. That had been Masami's rule for trying new things. He remembered that it had come up at some meal he'd made…he couldn't remember what…but the kids hadn't liked it. They had never had it before and they had turned their noses up…so Masami gad made them eat three bites…
They had still left the table but at least they had tried.
"Fine…and don't say 'all done' like that. I'm not a little kid anymore. I'm nine and a half. Only little kids need people to say 'all done' like that…and only little kids need the three bite rule…and I'm almost ten you know…" Said Sho. Three bites like when he had been little and Fukuda had made them that vegetable…thing. It looked like something that had already been eaten and it tasted that way too. Mom had said three bites and then they had eaten three bites, him and big sis, and then they had been done and it had been gross but…but at least they had made mom and Fukuda happy.
You were supposed to try and make people happy.
Maybe that was why people liked big sis better than him. She was always trying to make people happy even when it made her upset. Everyone had always liked her better. Especially dad. Dad and big sis were probably having the time of their lives without him. They were so alike…and he had been alike with mom…but mom was gone now and he didn't have anyone else…except for little sis. He didn't want little sis to be like him, though, he wanted her to be better…
The only way for her to be better was if he was better.
So he took three bites. He took them all quickly and forced himself to chew and swallow even though he would rather have drank a whole bottle of Mukai's baby formula instead of that….and her formula was disgusting. He hated cucumbers. He hated the taste and the smell and the way they felt in his mouth and also the little seeds that got stuck in his teeth…but he ate them anyway to make Fukuda happy.
Because that was what you were supposed to do when someone cared about you. You were supposed to do whatever you could to make them happy.
"See? That wasn't so bad now was it?" said Fukuda. He felt…good. He felt good about what he had done even though he knew that it had just been a drop in the bucket. Getting Sho to eat his vegetables. That was…that was something. That was something for now. That was the best that he could do. Sho was not his son and there was only some much that he could do for him. He didn't know if any of this would help. He didn't know that Sho would be better or worse off for his efforts.
He just didn't know.
He didn't know if Sho would be better off for having ate his vegetables and he didn't know if Sho would be better off for having seen his sister…or for having been allowed to go on missions…if getting him away from his father and sister would end up being good for him…Fukuda just did not know.
Sho was not his son. That was all that he knew.