The world of Exile (Avernum) remains the property of Jeff Vogel and Spiderweb Software, not me. I promise, following this non-profit bit of fun, to return unharmed to the game the following persons: Ahonar, Mickie, Irvine, Kendra Geoffrey, Stergnos, the dryad, Ernest, Ivanova, Laika, Kawas, the Gebrans, and the insane monks; and places: Shayder, Fenris Port, Softport, Lorelei, Remote Hut, Golddale, Storm Port, Gebra, and the Monastery of Madness. Apologies for the delays in uploading. I kept getting errors when I tried to upload, but I've been writing away in the meantime.
Deciding to replenish their funds, they went to Lyle and took a job delivering orders to Ahonar in Shayder. While they were in the city, they drank and were given a tip to talk to Irvine about possible shipping services.
Daniel sat down across from Irvine, who was drinking and wincing at the taste. "Why are you bothering me?" he said.
"Mickie told us you could use our services for shipping something," said Daniel.
Irvine grinned. "Excellent! Another courier!" He took another pull from his beer, and continued, "One of the lesser known crops of this isle is a certain herb which, when chewed, provides great release from the suffering of life," said Irvine. "There is a package of this herb in a chest in a room to the south. Get it, and take it to Kendra in the city of Lorelei, and you will be well-rewarded."
"Let me get this straight," said Daniel, "are you asking us to do something illegal?"
"Illegal? Don't be a fool," said Irvine. "There's no law anymore. There's just monsters and survival. And nothing else."
Taking rooms, Daniel then told the others about the deal Irvine had.
"It's bound to be illegal," said Daniel, "and I bet it's what they search for going into Lorelei."
"Then we'll have to avoid imperial entanglements," said Anicka. "It might be our key to the thieves' guild."
"All right," said Daniel. "It's just ... if we get caught, it's going to be trouble."
"We'll manage," said Anicka.
In the morning, they found the chest, and there was a small parcel inside, tightly wrapped in twine. Daniel picked up the package. It was small, and full of some sort of densely packed leaves with an odd, musty smell. Daniel buried it deep within his pack, and they prepared to move on.
They continued, first to Fenris Port, and then Softport, moving well north of Lorelei, and then crossing at a ford, carefully avoiding the Empire patrols on the road. It was with a great sigh of relief that they entered Lorelei, and made their way to Kendra's shop.
The woman behind the counter was busy repairing a gauntlet, looking with an amused look which suggested greater knowledge than she was revealing. "I'm Kendra," she said. "Welcome."
"We have a package for you," said Daniel. "From Irvine in Shayder."
Kendra looked them over, and said, "Really? Well, from what I heard, you aren't an Empire agent. Let's see it."
Daniel got it out of the pack and handed it to her. Kendra ran to a wall, opened a cabinet, put the package in, closed it. A minute passed, and she opened it again, and there was a sack of gold within, and she handed it to Daniel.
"Thanks," she said. "You know, the Thieves' Guild could use someone like you. If you're interested."
"Yeah, we are interested," said Anicka.
Kendra reached under her table and pressed something, pointed to a corner, and said, "Go through there."
In the next room, there was a man in leather armor, a peculiar eye insignia carefully painted on the breast, a sword across his lap dripping in black goo.
"I'm Geoffrey," he said. "Welcome to the guild."
"This is the Thieves' Guild?" said Anicka, looking almost disappointed.
He smiled coolly and rested his hand on the hilt of the sword, and replied, "I control the Guild of Thieves. I will not say details about the guild. I will not let you join. You are too visible and dangerous. However, it may be to the guild's advantage to assist you."
"Why can't I join the guild?" said Frrrrrr.
"You are not, shall we say, low-profile travelers. Our guild is barely tolerated. Recruiting Avernites would be very bad for us. Ask instead how we may assist you."
"All right," said Anicka. "How can you assist us?"
With a vicious grin, he said, "Let me count the ways! I have valuable intelligence about access to Blackcrag Fortress. I know useful secrets about certain miscreants. And, most intriguingly, I can even sometimes help people pretend to be members of the Anama. And you can even purchase tools from me."
"Could I take a look at some of the tools?" said Frrrrrr.
Geoffrey produced an array of tools, and Frrrrrr selected one extraordinary lockpick.
"Why does the Empire tolerate your activities?" asked Phaedra.
"Well, the Empire is gone from here. But, even when they weren't, we were cunning," replied Geoffrey. "We had to be. The punishment was harsh."
"What was the punishment?" said Nathan.
"You, of all people, should not need to ask. The underworld. Many of my friends disappeared into Avernum," said Geoffrey. "I have heard nothing of them since."
"Actually, we were all born down there," said Anicka. "Why do you keep a sword on your lap?"
"Let's just say this is a high-risk occupation," said Geoffrey, patting the sword. "The Empire's agents are everywhere. If you hadn't delivered the herbs, I would never have felt safe contacting you. I never go anywhere without the ability to kill at a moment's notice."
"Makes sense," said Anicka. "So, about Blackcrag Fortress?"
"It is well-known that the Empire has quarantined off Valorim to prevent the monster plagues from spreading. The gateway from the rest of the Empire to Valorim is Blackcrag Fortress," said Geoffrey. "We have a tunnel to bring people and goods in and out of Valorim."
"How can this tunnel of yours be useful to us?" asked Anicka.
"There is a tunnel through the mountains to the north. A fork of this tunnel is a secret entrance into Blackcrag Fortress. It is our tunnel, not yours," he said with a grin. "But I can sell you permission to pass through it. Permission to pass through can be had for a scant three thousand gold. If you want to obtain permission, let me know."
"Well, I ... maybe later," said Anicka. "We don't have that much right now."
"I understand," said Geoffrey. "Well, I'll be here."
"Do you have any ... less expensive secrets?" said Anicka.
" A certain, normally successful thief was recently slain. He tried to run off with one of my packages, and he suffered an accident. An unfortunate accident. Complete disemboweling. Very sad," said Geoffrey. "At any rate, I know where he concealed his loot, and I'll tell you for five hundred gold."
"All right, we'll bite," said Anicka. "Where'd he conceal his loot?"
Geoffrey said, "He had this weird thing for hiding loot in stables. Heaven knows why. I know he left caches all over Valorim. When you find an animal pen in a town, though, take a good look around. You might find something good."
"And how could we pretend to be Anama members?" said Anicka.
"The Anama are freaks, but they're sure to have a massive treasure in their temple. I can get some of the rings they use to mark themselves as members. You might be able to sneak into their inner sanctum wearing them," said Geoffrey. "If you ever want a set of their rings, they're only twenty-five hundred gold."
"We'll have to work to collect some more money," said Anicka. "We can't afford that either right now."
"You'll be back, then," said Geoffrey. "Just talk to Kendra, and I'll be here."
Taking some courier work, they earned a good deal of money—though not enough to buy both the rings and the passage, and so they continued exploring, after having gotten into a spat with some bigoted militia in the vicinity of Squiggus.
At the end of a narrow, concealed gully, they found the center of the local volcanic activity, a massive fumarole, a bubbling caldera of hot mud and sulfurous gas. Attention, however, was drawn to the drake bathing in the mud. He got out of the mud, not hostile, and they waited. He walked over to them slowly and somberly. Each step of the massive creature crushed basalt beneath it.
He approached, little flames coming from his maw with each word, and said, "I am Stergnos, Lord among Drakes! I wish to purchase the aid of a few humans, and you will do. Some smaller members of my kind have threatened to come here and fall upon me, hoping for the wealth and status such an attack would confer." He chuckled, and said, "I feel I could defeat them, but I did not reach this age by being incautious. If you help ensure my victory. I will reward you. Will you?"
"Sure, why not?" said Anicka.
They had to wait a day before his expected attackers arrived. In the meantime the drake stayed apart and aloof, making them camp outside its lair and not speaking with them.
Finally, he emerged, and said, "The enemy approaches. Ready yourself."
Sure enough, not long after that,a horde of drakes slithered into the valley, ready for blood. After the battle, the drake rose, having healed itself of its wounds, and went over to devour dead drakes, while undead allies did likewise.
"I thank you for your assistance. You deserve a boon," he said, moving a boulder to reveal a suit of chain mail. "Our business is done. Go now."
Sensing no other choice, they left the valley.
As they continued, they entered a grove far too peaceful and well-tended to be entirely natural. Listening carefully, they heard a sad female voice singing from within.
"Let's check it out," suggested Anicka.
They walked quietly into the grove, and everything became silent, and then a dryad appeared and looked them up and down.
The dryad said, "Adventurers, Hmmph. That's all I need! Here I am, overwhelmed with utter sadness, and in addition I have to deal with big smelly oafs tromping my begonias. I have half a mind to make you grow the ears of an ass, or be forever cursed, or something like that. But I am merciful, like nature herself. If you can improve my mood, I will spare you. I am sad because it has been hundreds of years since I have seen something truly beautiful. I'm sure you understand. And you might be able to make me feel better. Do you have something beautiful to show me?"
Anicka winced, as she thought of the flower they had carefully brought along, intending it for the garden of their house in Lorelei, and she presented the dryad with the flower.
The dryad sniffed it, twirled on one foot, and laughed. "Thank you! It's wonderful," she said, giving each a kiss on the cheek in turn. "Now, as a reward, I'll tell you a secret. Far to the north, near Calloc, is a place where the trees grow in a square. Stand in the middle, and walk straight south, and you'll find a reward. Now go away."
They slipped away as the dryad sat down to admire the flower.
"Sorry, Nick," said Daniel. "I really thought that flower would be great in our garden."
"It would've been," said Anicka. "Hey, look—there's a hut."
"Maybe that's Ernest's?" said Phaedra. "Ivanova said something about that."
"And Anaximander said something about possibly being a place where we could teleport around," said Angarahad.
They entered the small, cozy home, burrowed into the side of the hill. An old man was pacing around the room, lost in thought.
He stopped, and smiled, and said, "Welcome! Come in! I suspected you were coming, and I'm glad you have arrived safely. I am Ernest. Welcome to my humble abode. I am glad someone is finally able to visit me."
"You live here alone?" said Anicka.
"Yes. It is a great pleasure to meet some Avernites at last," said Ernest. "Welcome to my home."
"What makes you think we're from Avernum?" said Daniel.
Ernest held up a hand in a peaceful gesture, and said, "Well, the paleness of your skin immediately marks you as an Avernite. Don't worry about it. You aren't likely to meet much hostility. Around Krizsan, anyway."
"Why aren't the people around here hostile to us?" said Nathan.
"Well, people are really busy worrying about whether the slimes will return, and they don't believe your lot is powerful enough to create them. So you're safe around here. The other provinces are a different story," replied Ernest.
"Avernum has many powerful mages," said Phaedra, "so I suspect we may be powerful enough to have created the plague. Though I'm not sure that we have a reason to."
"Agreed. I know you are powerful enough. Did you create them? Or not?" said Ernest. "I couldn't care less. Avernites are as good to test my teleporters as anybody."
"So what are the attitudes like up north?" asked Anicka.
"I hear up north that they think the monster plagues were caused by your people," said Ernest. "Be careful if you go up there."
"Why do you live out in the wilderness like this?" asked Angarahad.
"This little warren out in the remote reaches is where I do my teleportation research," said Ernest. "It is so far out that not even the slimes could come here. When there were slimes, that is."
"Tell us about your research," said Phaedra.
Ernest smiled wryly, and said, "Seems like everyone's doing teleportation research these days, doesn't it? Well, my devices actually work. I'll even let you test them, for a cost."
"What did you use to do research?" asked Phaedra.
"I have a small library here. Small but powerful. You may wander my home if you wish, but please don't take any of my books," said Ernest. "Some of them are very delicate and powerful."
"What's it cost to use your teleporter?" asked Anicka.
"I've made teleporters that go to the five biggest cities in Valorim. A week's travel in an instant. Generally, somewhat safe. And only two hundred fifty gold for a chance to try one of them," he said with a chuckle. "Quite a bargain, eh? Let me know if you want to purchase a ticket."
"So how did you know we were coming?" said Daniel.
"Thanks to the power of teleportation, I frequently speak to people from all over Krizsan province," said Ernest. "Some of them have told me certain rumors regarding a group of traveling Avernites."
"I guess we'll try one of the teleporters," said Anicka.
"Excellent! The portals are around here somewhere," said Ernest. "Help yourself. And don't play with the crystal pillar."
"The pillar?" said Anicka.
"My portals are powered by a powerful pillar of magically treated crystal. If you come across it, don't tinker with it," said Ernest. "That would be bad. Very bad."
They continued into the next room, and amongst Ernest's copious notes, Frrrrrr spotted the black leather-bound book Ivanova had mentioned, and he quickly slipped it into his pack after ensuring no one was looking.
They crawled into the portal leading to Lorelei, and Ernest's voice seemed to be coming from all around them.
"It wasn't that valuable a book. Not sure why you wanted it," he said. "But it wouldn't be right for me to let you go without a little slap on the wrist now, would it?"
"What does he mean?" said Anicka, as they reached a cave filled with lava.
"I took the book Ivanova wanted," said Frrrrrr.
"Great," said Anicka. "Where the hell are we ..."
They fought a few drakes and fire lizards, and finally found that they were quite near Golddale.
"It better be worth it," grumbled Anicka.
They entered Ivanova's shop, and she greeted them.
Frrrrrr said, "I have the book on teleportation that you asked us to get from Ernest."
Ivanova flipped through the book, ensuring that it was genuine and intact, and then she pulled out another book, teaching them from the book on how to avoid damage and danger.
After spending the night in the inn, they decided to go south again, in the hopes of finding the isle where the key from Foxfire would work.
Finally, they arrived in the small town of Storm Port, and a beggarwoman knelt by the docks there, an alms bowl and a roll of tickets.
"I am Laika," she said.
"Are you selling those tickets?" said Anicka. "Where are they for?"
"Well, I'm a beggar really," said Laika, sneezing and wiping her nose on her sleeve. "But lately I've been more of a ticket saleswoman. You can purchase tickets to the city of Gebra from me. Only twelve coins. Ten for the ticket, and two for a service charge."
"Service charge?" said Anicka.
"It's also known as a 'keep the poor beggarwoman from starving to death' charge," said Laika.
"Reasonable enough," said Anicka. "We'll take the tickets."
"Watch yourselves on Gebra, unless you're well-equipped to defend yourselves. They're a weird lot, and not everyone who goes there comes back, if you get my meanin," said Laika.
"Understood," said Anicka.
The trip to Gebra took some time, as they had to sail around Gorst Island. When they landed, the fishermen said, "Come back to the dock and wait when you're ready. Next time we're by, we'll take you back. And watch out, the people in Gebra are odd."
"How odd can they be?" said Anicka, and they entered Gebra.
Within Gebra, they met a sour-faced little man in monk's robes performing a complicated stretching exercise, and he said, "I am Kawas."
"Greetings," said Anicka.
"I am in charge of welcoming people to Gebra," he said coldly.
"Anything interesting going on in town?" said Anicka.
"This is a quiet, uninteresting town," said Kawas. "Perhaps you should return to Storm Port. It's much more interesting there."
"You seem eager for us to return to Storm Port," said Daniel.
He graced them with an icy smile, and said, "It's a lovely town, with much to offer, and only a short boat ride away, too! I'm sure you would find it much more interesting!"
"So how do you welcome people to Gebra?" said Anicka, who thought the greeting definitely qualified for odd.
"I tell people all the things Gebra has to offer," said Kawas.
"What does Gebra have to offer?" said Anicka, a little impatiently.
He looked at her blankly, and said, "Hmm. Come to think of it, we don't have anything to offer. Just some crops. And dull people. Fortunately, it's very easy to return to Storm Port. Why don't you?"
"We'll keep that in mind," said Anicka.
They left, and shortly thereafter met one of Gebra's citizens, a thin, haggard man.
"Hi, what's your name?" said Anicka.
He was quiet, as though trying to figure out the question, and finally said, "I am ... a Gebran."
"What trade are you in?" said Anicka.
They waited while this question percolated through the mind of the man, and then he said, "I ... I farm."
"Do you enjoy it?" said Daniel.
"Farm. Yes, farm," said the man. "For food."
"Are you ok?" said Angarahad.
After another long, confused pause, he said, "Yes. Food. That is what I farm for. And I am busy."
"Perhaps you should rest?" said Angarahad.
"Yes. Food. Farm," he said, and wandered away.
"They did say they were odd," said Anicka, with a shrug.
Continuing, they found other Gebrans were similar in responses, and found a small building with a half-dozen thin sleeping mats, with monks sitting on them, chanting, meditating, and performing complicated and demanding stretching exercises. Upon seeing the group, they emitted high-pitched shrieks and charged.
Having no choice, they killed the monks, and found a lot of handwritten rantings about avoiding the End Times, strenuous self-denial, and "feisty slap of pain".
"I think we're on the right track," said Daniel.
Rather than go back to Storm Port, they continued, getting fishermen to take them to the next island, and chaining along until they were ambushed by a bunch of monks who leaped from the bushes, and shouted "Feisty Slap of Pain!" and charged.
They fought off the ambush, and forded to another island, and there, despite the signs of no habitation, they found a tower and the sign at the gates read, "Monastery of the sacred tai kwan leap fighting martial art organization."
"OK, I think this is it," said Anicka. "Nathan, I sure hope the recipe is a good one."
The key allowed them to enter, and from within, the sounds of chanting and vigorous exercise could be heard, with the floors and walls showing signs of constant combat.
Suddenly, someone shouted an alarm, and the corridors were filled with the alarmed yells of a host of upset monks.
In perfect unison, they chanted, "We are the Youth Brigade of the Heaven and Earth Association!"
They fought these off with difficulty and began to explore in earnest, finding a hall of statues of fallen heroes, reflecting the wounds suffered by those commemorated, unlike most statues of fallen heroes.
Finally, they found an altar, and completing the ritual of sanctification, the evil magic left the altar stone with a horrible howl, drawing monks from everywhere around the monastery. Their reactions were varied—some cursing the group for removing the source of madness, others grateful. All of them, however, expressed their opinions in extreme and physical manner.
"Let's check upstairs," said Anicka.
With that, she led the way, finding many more monks who hadn't attacked at the altar, and finally, nearly spent herself, she ended the life of the mad monk who ruled the monastery, while her companions took care of the gorgons in his thrall.
"That should be that," said Anicka, exhausted.
They searched through the library, finding a thick book packed with hundreds of pages of demented rantings, carefully calligraphed.
Within the pages was a scrap of vellum with a recipe, and Anicka handed that to Nathan.
"I can brew a knowledge brew with this," said Nathan, sounding awed. "They said that recipe was lost."
"In that case, let's go," said Anicka.
"At least we won't ever have to deal with those people again," said Daniel. "They were totally insane."
However, the monks who had survived the assault on the monastery had set up one vicious ambush—one final attempt to get vengeance and keep their secrets from reaching the mainland. With vicious intent and animal grace, they emerged from the trees and brush.
"I ask nothing more from the rest of my life, than to be able to kill you!" said one of them.
"No mercy shall be asked, and none shown!" cried another.
"Feisty Slap of Pain!" they all chorused, and yet another fight was joined.
The monks at last had all fallen.
"I guess we won the islands back for the sane," said Angarahad.
"I hope this time, we really won't see any more of them," said Daniel.
"So where do we go now?" said Phaedra.
"Back to Lorelei," said Anicka. "We've made enough to buy that stuff that the Guild was selling, and it'll give Nathan here a chance to try out his new recipe."