Ryan91: You're a funny one. Whenever you compliment me my self esteem is crushed by the insult that follows.
Genevra: the only thing you're guilty of is writing great stories. And that's not even something to feel guilty about. Thank you so much for the really, really, really nice review.
An hour later she was on a plane. Heading back the sunny shores of California.
They all knew they wouldn't be able to be together on the one year anniversary.
Not without Ryan.
And if he wasn't there they would all fall and melt into a puddle of sadness and tears
And she couldn't bear puddles
She looked out the window and watched the lights of New York slowly be swallowed by the darkness.
Ryan and Marissa stood together outside the departures gate. They weren't Ryan and Marissa. They hadn't been that for a long time.
They were a single noun.
Not two.
They were RyanAndMarissa. Affectionately RyRissa to their family.
And as they stood together that's exactly what they were.
"What will you miss most?" Marissa whispered into his shoulder.
"How we dance together. Do you remember our first dance? It was so long ago,"
"No, it was only a moment,"
And a moment passed. And she fell asleep. And another series of moments began as she dreamt.
She dreamt of Seth.
And Summer
And Kirsten
And Sandy
And Ryan
And deep grayness
And soon they all faded into oblivion. And all she was left with were her ceaseless wails.
Marissa woke when her dream wails turned into her daughter's hungry wails. She gave her a bottle of misty milk. The plane was wrapped in misty clouds. And below the blue of the ocean sparkled through. And Verity's eyes sparkled with the complete satisfaction of a baby with a bottle.
The plane began its decent.
Summer and Kirsten met her at the gates. Kirsten took Verity and held her close, looking at her grand-daughter, but seeing her son.
The first time Seth had run away was when he was 4 years old. When the Cohen's had moved from Berkley the Orange County. He disappeared the moment he saw the house.
But he was back 3 hours later.
The second time was when Ryan left.
That time it took 3 months for him to come back.
Marissa had seen him run. She's been hiding from her mother in a tree and had seen them arrive. Then he had turned and bolted away from the house. Ran right under her tree. She called out to him. The first time he stopped.
The second he turned.
And on the third he climbed up to sit beside her.
"I hate this place"
"Me too"
"I didn't want to move,"
"I'm Marissa,"
"Seth,"
"I didn't want to wear a dress with a million gazillion trillion bows on it. Or let mummy make my hair straight. I like it in piggies. And I don't like going to the grown up parties. So I hide in my tree,"
"Can we share it?"
"Sure. Daddy says I have to get used to sharing coz a new baby's coming soon and I'll have to share with it. But mummy says I won't have to share. But I don't mind sharing my tree with you. I like sharing really. Because then I'm not alone as much. Coz I'm sharing my stuff with someone,"
"Thank you very much Marissa." he siad carefully
"So, how old are you?'
"I'm four,"
"Me too,"
"Seth?"
"Yep?"
"I'm not going to marry anyone who lives here,"
"How will you meet them then?"
"I don't know, maybe he'll just be there one day, at the end of my driveway or something…"
"Maybe,"
"But if I don't I'll marry you ok? So I won't live here and we can both go somewhere else, like Afcira, ok?"
"Ok then," said Seth with a smile.
"Here, keep this so you don't forget," she said handing him a navy blue ribbon with a pattern of red sailboats.
"I won't, I promise,"
"How are you sweetie?"
"Yeah Coop, how's life in the big apple?"
"I'm fine. New York is great, how are you two?"
"I'm fine,"
"Me too,"
"You look a bit washed out honey, are you sure you're ok? I mean, taking care of a baby all by yourself in a new city…we'd love to have you anytime if it's too hard"
"Thanks Kirsten, but I really am fine. But I'll be sure to bring Verity out here, and visit you guys,"
"Ok, if you're sure"
"I am, I'm fine,"
Something Marissa knew was that if you keep telling people you're fine, eventually they'll believe you. Even if you've been shot in the chest.
And you're bleeding to death.
Even if you feel like throwing up because you're standing under a number three.
Even if you haven't been able to sleep for a year.
Because that's what they want to believe.
Because then, they can concentrate on making sure everyone thinks they're fine.
The second time he was gone for 3 months.
She had seen him run that time too.
As the limo pulled up she turned, Ryan had faded into a blurry spot. She turned to see the ocean one last time.
The last time as Marissa.
Before she fell into that person who drowned in sadness and vodka.
Seth was running on the sand.
She called out three times.
The first, he slowed to a walk.
The second, he turned to face her.
And the third he smiled. And put something down on the sand.
Then he was gone.
She ran over.
And lying in the sand was a little ring made out of ribbon.
A navy ribbon with red sailboats.
Marissa slipped it onto her ring finger.
Afcira was better than an endless wait in Newport.
That night, the pain started.
At dinner, none of them ate.
Nerves can give you butterflies.
The shards of a broken heart are a lot worse.