Whumptober Day 8

Coughing Up a Lung

Prompts: pneumothorax/exotic illness/"Definitely just a cold")

This one may be about the cheesiest thing I've ever written. Please don't take it too seriously. I figured we needed some humor after the seriousness of the most recent stories. I can pretty much guarantee this one will NOT make an appearance in the main storyline, but never say never! As a reminder, I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. All medical references were obtained by Googling, so take them for what they're worth.

"Master Barton?"

Clint looked up from his seat on the couch to find the God of Thunder hovering over him. "What's up, Thor?"

"I am in need of a struggle. Care to spar?"

Clint considered the request for a moment. He'd never known Thor to want to spar, considering during most of their fights, he would either electrocute people or throw Mjolnir at them. It would be a good distraction, though. Mikayla was off on a mission with Natasha, so sparring would be a good way to keep his mind from going off in all directions, thinking about the endless number of ways Mikayla could get hurt. "Sure," Clint finally replied, hopping up from the couch.

"Wonderful!" Thor beamed with pleasure as he bounded toward the gym with as much enthusiasm as a golden retriever puppy. Clint chuckled as he followed behind his teammate. Once they entered the gym, Thor immediately went to the far end of the gym and started bouncing on the balls of his feet. "I've been looking forward to this, young Barton. I was watching the competition on the television and would like to try out some of the maneuvers I witnessed."

Clint was wracking his brain to remember what had been on TV recently. 'Oh, yeah,' he thought to himself, 'I haven't been watching it lately, been occupied with other activities.' Translation – he and Mikayla had finally been in between missions at the same time. Clint shook his head to clear his mind, bending his knees followed by some stretches. "OK, let's see what you've got, Thor." The two men, knees bent in crouching positions, circling the mat, waiting to see who would make the first move. Being trained in hand-to-hand combat, Clint knew he could wait out the less experienced but bulkier man. Suddenly, Thor launched into the air, flying across the mat and landing directly on Clint, knocking both men to the floor. "Oof," Clint grunted as his back slammed into the mat, the heavier Thor landing on top of him with enough force that Clint swore Thor had crushed all of his ribs. He tried to shove Thor off him so he could learn how to breathe again.

After pounding his palm on the ground three times, Thor rolled off Clint and raised his arms in triumph. "Yes! The warriors would be proud!" He looked down and noticed Clint still lying on the ground, gasping for air. "Master Clint? Shall I call the good doctor?" Thor knelt, concern showing on his face.

After Clint gained the ability to breathe again, he replied, gasping, "Nope, I'm good."

"Allow me to assist you up, friend." Thor held out his hand, waiting for Clint to take it. Once he did, Clint grasped Thor's hand, and Thor lifted him off the ground. "Are you all right?" Thor asked, noticing Clint was still struggling to breathe.

Clint nodded, propping himself up against the wall. "Yep, just never got taken down like that before. You caught me by surprise, big guy. It's not a conventional move, but it worked."

Thor patted Clint on the back. "As long as you are all right, then all is well. Thank you for sparring with me."

"No problem."
"Agent Barton," Friday said. "Agent Mikayla has returned uninjured from her mission."

"Go, greet your young maiden," Thor said. "It's time for my weekly call with Lady Jane."

Clint waved at Thor as he left, then began rubbing his chest. "Damn, guess now I need to figure out how to defend that move now." He went to the hangar to meet Mikayla and Natasha.

"I'll meet you in the conference room for debrief," Natasha said. "Go." She playfully shoved Mikayla toward Clint.

"Hey, babe," Clint, standing casually, hands in his back pockets.

Mikayla wrapped her arms around him and soundly kissed him. "God, I missed you," she said after coming up for air.

"No more than I missed you." Clint put an arm around her waist, walking out of the hangar into the main part of the tower. "Successful mission?"

"Yep, got the intel." She held up a USB drive. "Sending the info to Fury and Hill. Hopefully, they can use it to dismantle more AIM facilities." Mikayla sat down on a barstool at the island. "Thanks," she said, guzzling the glass of water Clint handed her. "I'll be right back. Debrief, then a nice, long, relaxing shower."

"I'll get it ready for you," Clint murmured in her ear, then nipped her earlobe and moved just out of her reach.

"Tease," Mikayla joked, standing up and walking toward the conference room.

"Only if I don't follow through, which you know I will." Clint disappeared into the hallway.

Forty-five minutes later, Mikayla and Natasha left the conference room. "Enjoy the downtime, Barton. I have a feeling will be going on another mission soon."

"Will do," Mikayla waved as she headed upstairs.

Later that evening, the team was spread out in the common area, watching a Jurassic Park marathon. Mikayla looked over as Clint began sniffing. "I know you're an animal lover, but they're dinosaurs, Clint."

"Huh?" Clint stopped before inhaling more popcorn. "Oh, the sniffing. I think it's a cold." He sneezed. Mikayla handed him a tissue. "Yep, definitely just a cold." Clint continued sneezing and sniffing the rest of the movie, adding some coughing towards the end of Jurassic Park III.

As Bruce passed by, he handed Clint some pills. "Cold medicine. If you're still sneezing and coughing tomorrow night, come see me, and I'll get you some stronger stuff." Clint nodded. When the movie was over, Clint and Mikayla went to bed.

Over the next several days, Clint's cold symptoms continued, and he noticed his chest was hurting. "Probably from all the coughing. I still think it's a cold," he told Mikayla as they were working out in the gym.

Mikayla talked to him while working on her archery. "I didn't think you got colds."

Clint shrugged his shoulders as he jogged on the treadmill. "I don't, but there's a first time for everything."

"Think it could have anything to do with that massive bruise over your chest?"

He shook his head. "Nah, that's just from sparring with Thor. I've had worse bruises from our sparring."

"Is that what you're calling it now?" Natasha's voice rang from the observation deck. "Sparring?"

"Shut up, Romanoff," the archers said in sync. Suddenly, Clint doubled over and started violently throwing up. Mikayla ran to get a trashcan while Natasha came downstairs after grabbing towels off the rack. Clint began to moan and couldn't stand up. "Friday, call Bruce!"

Bruce hurried in from his workshop, running over to Clint, curled up in a fetal position on the ground. "What's going on?" Mikayla filled him in on Clint's symptoms. "We need to get him to medical."

Clint shook his head. "Medical, no."

"Medical, yes," Mikayla said. Between the three of them, they maneuvered Clint into the medical wing and onto a bed. Mikayla placed a trashcan next to his bed in case he vomited again as Bruce checked him out. "Well?"

"Let me do an x-ray, and then we'll know more." By this point, Clint had vomited a couple more times until it was nothing but dry heaves. His body finally decided enough was enough, and he passed out.

Mikayla stepped out of the way as Bruce wheeled the x-ray machine over. As soon as he scanned Clint's chest, he recognized what the issue was. "Find something?"

"Somehow, a rib pierced one of his lungs. He's got a pneumothorax." Bruce ran a hand through his hair.

"You can fix it, right?"

"Yep, just a small surgery to insert a needle and drain the fluid. He should be fine." Bruce looked up at her. "Trust me. I haven't lied to you before, and I'm not going to start now. Do me a favor and see if you can figure out how this happened."

Mikayla nodded and left the medical wing, shaking her head. "How does he end up with a punctured lung? He hasn't been on a mission, so unless he's parkouring around the area without anyone knowing about it, I don't have a clue."

"What's up with our resident hawk?" Tony asked, having returned from a business meeting for Stark Industries. At that moment, he was lounging in one of the oversized recliners, swirling a drink around in a glass, a drink she knew was apple juice. He'd dialed back on his drinking since Morgan had been born.

"He has a collapsed lung," Mikayla said in disbelief.

"What the hell?" Bucky asked. "He hasn't gone anywhere."

"I know. I'm the resident klutz," Mikayla said. "I'm the one with the stupid injuries." Thankfully, no one brought up the incident with the windowsill. "Now we need to figure out how he injured himself."

"What's he been doing lately?" Steve asked, carrying in a plate of sandwiches.

"I don't know. Nat and I have been gone on a mission for a week. Before that was the case of the fighting Doombots, and neither one of us fell off a rooftop or went flying during that attack." She thought for a few minutes. "He did say he'd done some sparring with Thor. Friday?"

"Yes, Agent Mikayla?"

"Can you pull up cameras from the gym, please?"

"Of course." A slight whirring was heard as the A.I. accessed the gym cameras, then displayed the results on the TV.

"OK, there's what we need." The team watched as Thor took out Clint with a vicious body slam. "What the hell? When did we start using WWE moves?"

Thor sank back into the couch. "My apologies, Lady Mikayla. I told your young archer I had seen some wrestling moves and wanted to try them out."

Mikayla put her head in her hands, trying not to think of the damage Thor could've done to Clint's body. "Oh, Thor. How about we not watch WWE anymore? If you'd like to see real wrestling, try watching the Olympics."

"I shall do that, Lady Mikayla. I hope I did not permanently injure him."

"You didn't." Everyone looked up to see Bruce appear. "I aspirated the lung and sewed up the hole. He'll be in the medical wing overnight and will need to take it easy for a couple of weeks. Did you find out how it happened?" Mikayla told him about the wrestling session. Bruce chuckled. "Yeah, probably a good idea to block WWE from airing."

A few hours later, Mikayla was sitting next to Clint, waiting for him to wake up from the surgery. She was holding his hand when he began stirring. "Hey there." She ran her fingers through his hair.

"Hey," Clint said weakly. Mikayla was ready with some ice chips, feeding them to him with a spoon. He sighed as the coolness traveled down his throat. "Let me guess, dengue fever?"

Mikayla, rolling her eyes and shaking her head, and tried not to laugh at him. "No, dear heart. You haven't been out of the country or anywhere that you could catch that. Thor broke a rib, which pierced your lung. Bruce went in and drained it, then sewed up the hole."

Clint groaned. "No more sparring with Thor."

"Which reminds me. Friday? Be sure to block WWE from the TV when Thor's here. We don't need any royal rumbles in the tower."