Sho had never been to a graveyard before.
He had passed by plenty of them before. He had never been afraid of them, even before he got his powers he had never been afraid of ghosts, and msot graveyards didn't even have ghosts. Most of the spirits that he saw out in the world died with unfinished business. The people in graveyards were all dead and buried. Their business was done with and they got visited by people who loved them. This was a good place, Fukuda had said, not a scary place.
He had never been scared of this place in the first place.
"Um….hi." said Sho. He was standing in front of a gravestone. Different countries did different things when people died. Some people put you in the ground, some people sank you in a river, and some people set you on fire and pushed you down the river in a big boat. That was a Viking funeral. When Sho died that was the kind of funeral.
It would be ok, probably, because he would still leave ashes to put in this gravestone.
There were ashes in this grave. The ashes in this grave came not only his grandparents but also dad's grandparents. The Suzuki ones. This was where dead Suzuki's went. When he died he would be in this gravestone. When he died he would be in the gravestone and then his kids would be here and they would leave him stuff and talk to him and pour water over him and then leave.
Fukuda had showed him what to do.
"I got you guys some snacks…Fukuda said that…that grandpa liked mochi and mom likes cheesecake…or maybe it was the other way around. I can't remember…and I um…you guys can trade if I got is mixed up." Said Sho. He didn't know what he was supposed to say to these people. They were dead. He wished that they had been there with him as spirits at least. He never talked to spirits and…and maybe he totally would have…had his grandparents been spirits…
They weren't spirits. They were acid.
"My name is Sho, by the way. Sho spelled with the character for leader. Sho is….is what my mom and dad named me. Fukuda said that you died before you could meet me or my mom. She's called Masami…but she ran away from home. She's a really nice person and…and I think that you would have liked her…or maybe not since I don't know what kind of people you are. I mean you could be like dad for all I know." Said Sho. He felt weird talking to a rock with ashes in it. He felt weird about this whole thing. Fukuda said that it was important for him to be there.
To meet his grandparents.
But this was not meeting his grandparents. These were strangers to him. These were people that he hadn't ever given much thought to in his entire nine years of life. He was hot. He was hot and thirsty and he just…he sort of wanted to go home. Back to big sis…and even dad. What he really wanted to do was go back to baby sis…but he couldn't…
Would baby sis come and see him here?
After he died. He was nine years older than she was. He would get old and die before she died. She would come and see him and pour water on his grave and leave him snacks and stuff. What would he have liked? What did dead people like? What was even the point? It wasn't like they could even eat or take the stuff with them….though when he died he wanted people to leave him artist pencils and a good sketchbook….in case he could bring stuff with him to the other side.
He didn't know.
Fukuda said that nobody, not even spirits, knew what was on the other side. Sho…he didn't want to pass on. Not if he didn't know what was on the other side. Sho didn't think that he could go to the other side and also it was better if he stayed. That way he could have met his grandkids and stuff. That way he could hang out with big sis and baby sis after they died. But not dad. Dad…he didn't want dad to die or anything…
But he did want him to go to the other side when he died.
"I have a big sister, too. She's called Shigeko. That's spelled with the character for nurturing child. She's kind of nice. She's ok. She's so bossy sometimes and she's always on my back about taking baths and eating all the food groups and brushing my hair and my teeth and I don't really like dealing with that but she loves me and I love her and all of that love stuff. She's not here, though, because this is a secret mission and she would totally blab to dad about this if we have brought her. Fukuda said so. He's here too but he's visiting his own mom and dad. They're dead too and they moved on, too, so you might know them up in heaven or whatever." Said Sho. He wondered if that was enough words to say to them. He didn't know what you were supposed to tell dead people. Mom had said, before, that when someone died it was ok because even if you couldn't see them they were up in heaven watching over you and stuff.
But then big sis went and asked what happened to the spirits that she exorcised.
And then mom was all quiet and then they had to watch TV on their own because she was feeling tired. But Sho did wonder about what happened to the spirits that they exorcised. He didn't do that very often, they didn't run into a lot of evil spirits very often, but when he did…he had always wondered what happened to them.
He would know after he died.
"I have a little sister, well she's a pretend little sister, but I love her like a real sister. She's called Mukai and she likes to take off her socks and play with cardboard tubes and stuff. She's so cute and I love her so much…but you guys probably know if you're watching me from heaven…or just dad since he's your kid. I'm sorry that he never visits but there's nothing that I can do about that." Said Sho. He touched the gravestone and then pulled his hand away. There was a feeling, there, that was weird. He didn't know what that had been about.
He didn't know what any of this was about.
"Dad is…dad. He's a jerk but he might have always been a jerk. He's been a jerk for as long as I can remember. Was he a jerk when he was a kid? Was he like…anything? I don't know. I never knew him when he was a kid because he's my dad and I'm a whole other generation. Fukuda says that they used to be friends…or maybe you called him Tadashi. That's his given name…and I had no idea that his given name was Tadashi. I didn't know a lot of things…like the fort in the woods…or about how you died in an accident. You died in an accident and I'm sorry…if you don't know how you died…and stuff. I'm sorry that you're dead and stuff." Said Sho. What was he supposed to say? What was a person supposed to say in these places? What were you supposed to do? He came and left the snacks and poured the water and said a few words. When was he going to be done with this?
Were these jerk thoughts to have?
He didn't know. He didn't know what he was supposed to be feeling right now. These people were, the ashes of people, were his grandparents. He had no idea who they were. He knew who they were to him but he had no idea who they…were. Dad never talked about them. He never told stories about his parents. He must have had some. Sho had stories about mom and dad. He had stories and he would tell his kids, the boys and the girls, about his mom and his dad and he would tell them all. He would talk to them and…and he nice to them and…and then when he died then they would come to visit him there when he was nothing but ashes.
"I don't know what to say to you. I don't even know anything about you. Dad should be here, I think, because dad….you guys made him. You guys made him and took care of him and stuff. Just…why did you…were you guys the ones who made him a jerk? Or was he always like that?" asked Sho. He felt like he was being a jerk. You weren't supposed to speak ill to the dead and stuff…but he had to know. Were they jerks? Were they the reason that dad was a jerk?
Was that why he was a jerk?
Did you have to be a jerk to be a Suzuki? Suzuki was a name that was spelled with the characters for bud tree. Maybe it should have been spelled with the characters for 'family of big fat jerks' or something. Dad was a jerk and now Sho was a jerk…and maybe grandpa was a jerk too…and then maybe Sho's son would be a jerk…and maybe it was just a constant line of jerks one after the other…
He didn't know.
"Dad is such a jerk to me all the time and…and that's what I have to say about him. Since you're watching him from heaven or wherever then you should know this about him. He hits me and calls me names and makes me feel like the gum you find on the bottom of your shoes. It's just…why is he like that! Did you guys make him like that? Is it…is it just something about being a Suzuki that makes us jerks? Just…I don't even know. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. This is a graveyard and I have to be nice…so I'm sorry that I yelled at you. Please don't be mad…if you can even hear me." Said Sho. Even in a graveyard he was such a jerk. He didn't know what was wrong with him.
He wanted to go.
He wanted to leave this place and go literally anywhere else. He would have gone to an all-day showing of those stupid kissing movies that big sis liked. He would have happily gone back home and played the Shoko game all day if it meant that he got to leave. He knew that he had legs and he could walk back to the car….but he didn't. He had no idea how long he was supposed to take. He had no idea how long Fukuda would take. He had no idea how long his grandparents wanted him to visit them for.
He had no idea who they even were.
He smelled incense. Fukuda had lit some. He was still talking to his parents. He had no idea what was being said. He knew that it was none of his business. Mourning was private, Fukuda said, and he said that he would give Sho all the time he needed. Sho hadn't told him that he wasn't mourning. He couldn't mourn, which meant feel bad about, someone he had never met. Even if these people had made his dad he didn't…he didn't love them. Not like Fukuda loved his dead parents…or at all.
He didn't even know these people.
And they didn't know him. They didn't know that he liked to draw. They didn't know that he liked colored pencils the best and paint the worst because paint took forever to dry and also it was harder to make mistakes. They didn't know that his favorite movie of all time was Zootopia and his least favorite movie of all time was Whispers of the Heart or whatever. The one with the bike sharing scene that big sis keep watching over and over again. His grandparents didn't know that sometimes he and big sis were best friends and that sometimes he felt like they were mortal enemies. They didn't know that big sis liked strawberry milk and he liked cola. They didn't know that citrus could kill him. They didn't know that dad had almost killed him in an Awakening experiment.
Those were the things that he was supposed to be telling them.
So, what, he was just supposed to stand here and tell his life's story to a rock full of ashes? Really? That just…he didn't understand this at all. He didn't understand and he wished that someone had explained it to him. He wished that dad had explained this to him. He wished that dad had been the one to take him here. At least then he could have copied what dad said and did so he would have known what to say instead of just…acting like a jerk.
Like a Suzuki.
If being a Suzuki meant being a jerk then he didn't want to be a Suzuki. He didn't want to be turned into ashes and then stuck in this fancy rock. He wanted…he wanted to be sent down the river in a burning boat. Then at least it would be cool and he'd be leaving everyone something awesome to remember him by. He would be remembered by his kids and they wouldn't have to stand in the sun at high noon during high summer when the sun was at it's highest and hottest in the sky talking to his ashes.
Was he supposed to do this for dad?
He didn't know…he didn't know if he could do this for dad. Talk to his ashes. He couldn't even talk to dad now when he was alive and flesh and blood and skin and bone and stuff. Maybe it would be easier after dad died and passed on…and he doesn't want to think about his dad dying. Or his mom. Or big sis, she would go first because she was older, or baby sis or…or anyone. He didn't want to think about his family dying or him getting old and dying. What was even the point of it all? if you just lived to die then why even live in the first place? What was even the point if one day he would end up as nothing but ashes inside of a rock?
He didn't know.
He just didn't know. He wanted to leave. He wanted to just walk away and go…somewhere. Back to baby sis. Back to big sis. Back to Claw. Back to dad. He was even ready to go looking for mom. He would knock on every single door in Japan until he found her. Look in all the windows. Up on top of all the roofs. He would even climb trees and dig holes and look in caves if he had to. He needed…he needed to see his mom. Mom was gone and for all he knew she could have been ashes in one of these shiny rocks. She should have been in there. She was Suzuki Masami and this was there Suzuki's went and mom was…if she died then….then he would be able to visit her. He would be able to leave her some cheesecake with strawberries and whipped cream on her favorite Aristocats plate and then tell her about his day and take his kids to meet her and probably whatever girl he ended up having to marry too just because he and the girl would end up in that rock too one day and…and then if he and mom were ashes in the rock together then they would be together again…and forever.
But then he and dad would be together forever too. There would be no big sis to be there to keep dad's attention on her and make him happy. She was a girl and dad said that when a girl got married she joined her husband's family which was why there could never be a girl ruling the world. That was why even though she was the older Suzuki he was the Suzuki who would rule the world. Big sis would probably end up in the Shimazaki family gravestone because she was in love with him and she'd finally end up with him when she was a grown up just like how it went in the movies she liked…and then he would lose being friends with the coolest guy ever…and that would make him upset…even though he should have been happy for her…or maybe not because little brothers weren't supposed to let guys like his big sister…
He didn't want her to marry Shimazaki because then she would end up in his family gravestone and then he would be alone with dad.
He didn't want that. He didn't want to be all alone with dad…well mom would be there…but no she wouldn't because she had run away. Mom had run away and he had no idea where the…he didn't know what her family name had been before she married dad. No. When he died then he would be all alone here with dad and the grandparents and great grandparents that he didn't even know…and he didn't want that at all…but that was what he would end up having to learn to live with…or die with…
Sho didn't know.
He felt an aura getting closer to his and he heard footsteps. Fukuda. Sho hoped beyond hope that it was time to go.
"Hey, I'm done…visiting. Anyway, do you need more time? Because we can stay for as long as you need to." Said Fukuda. Sho shook his head. It hurt. Sunburn. He had been out in the sun long enough to get a sunburn…but he shouldn't complain because there were dead people around him and they had real problems in their lives…after moms.
"…no. I'm done. Can we go now, Fukuda?" asked Sho. He must have spent long enough there is Fukuda was done. That meant that it was long enough….that he had been talking to his grandparents…meeting them…their ashes. Their ashes in this rock….
"Are you sure?" asked Fukuda. Sho looked over at the ashes rock. At the grave marker. He…he was ready to go. He had been ready to go. Even if…even if not wanting to stay made him a jerk but…but maybe not since he didn't even know these people….
"Yeah. I'm sure." Said Sho. He took one last look at the ashes rock. At the gravestone. At the last place that he would ever live when he died…where dad would stay after he died…and he would die one day. He would die and Sho would die and then…and then everyone would die. After dad died Sho…he would bring his kids here to visit dad…because that was just what you were supposed to do when you had kids. Well he would bring his kids, dad never brought him, but he would bring his kids…
Even though he really didn't like visiting the graveyard.