A/N: Well here it finally is. Happy begining of Fall! I've gone back and re-written some of chapter nine, because it was just awful. So now, hopefully, it's better. It hasn't really changed that much, in regards to plot (there's a plot? where?), so don't feel like you have to read it. Happy reading with this chapter! And please review!
Writing really revolutionized communication. And not just in the obvious ways. People write things they can never say, and still manage to get heard. So when she left a note for Ryan on the fridge, she blessed the alphabet.
For once, there was something that let her be a coward.
"Meet me across the road, under the big maple tree.
I'll tell you about Verity, she's our baby.
Love M."
She walked across the road and looked at her hand. Stretched it so she could see the bones (or was it tendons?) moving. So she could see the sign of love everlasting.
Her little hand reached out into the sunlight. It was so pale, having never seen the sun before. She fancied that she could see the little bones through the almost translucent skin, under the blue of veins. And then Marissa realised, how incredibly tiny her daughters hand was.
Some people are just born with tragedy in their blood.
The maple was so familiar. It smelled of sweetness and summer. It smelled of innocence.
She walked the same to home every day. It was a back way, cutting through a baby meadow and over the tiny creek onto the path. She'd taken it for month before she saw a lizard.
The grass was long and swishy then. The council workers hadn't been around to cut it for months. It swished around her knees as she walked. Now she looked forward to her walk home from the bus stop. Despite the wonderful fairytale feel the grass gave her, she picked her way gingerly through it everyday. You never knew if there would be a snake, especially in long grass. And nature was not something to be trifled with. Especially not reptiles.
It was on one of the swishy grass, hot summer days that a deep fear of the unknown was instilled in her. She leapt across the creek and underneath her an unknown…thing scrambled and splashed away up stream. She barely stifled the shock and terror filled scream. She flew up the bank, scabby blisters on her heels tearing a little in the struggle to get up faster that humanly possible.
She didn't know what had run away from her. The next day she stood in front of the baby meadow contemplating using the way again. It looked still. She stood for a long time, searching for signs of danger. Just as she was about to step forward, she saw something in the corner of her eye. A lizard. The shock was almost as bad as the day before. Reptiles became the face of every unknown fear she pitted herself again when outdoors.
"Love is a little thing shaped like a lizard. It runs up and down, and tickles your gizzard."
Upstairs, Ryan was reading the note. He was crying, and it was giving him a headache.
She'd been sitting there for a while. An hour maybe, maybe longer. She wondered if he was even up yet. She didn't know if she'd actually ever seen Ryan completely smashed. That was usually her role.
"You're my mockingbird. You love me, and you forgive me, and you've never hurt me more than you've healed me. And I know you probably won't remember this, but when you're a little drunk, I feel like you need me. And I need you so much. You're my tequila mocking bird."
The leaves were so green. Vert(e). They weren't falling yet. In a few months though, the tree would be naked and shivering. The perfect green leaves would not longer me symmetrical. They wouldn't sway in sync.
"Hello lover," Ryan said walking into her room.
"Buffy marathon with Seth?"
"Yep, season two and three in one night," He sat on the bed and lay down with his head on her stomach, "whatcha' reading?"
"New Vogue," It was nice, listening to her suck peanut butter off and spoon and feel her breathing.
"The pages don't sound like fashion," he says after a while, leaning over to look at what she's really reading. She sighs in a happy way.
"You caught me."
"New record?"
"I think so,"
"So, what're you really reading?"
"'Ordinary People' by Judith Guest,"
"Can I have Vogue then?" he asked with a grin.
"Checking what's in store for you and the other Capricorns this month?"
"I might just,"
"You know, I think I should've been a Gemini. They're supposed to have two personalities. I'd be the person I am, and the person I want to be,"
"I think you suit Libra. For all your emotions, you're incredibly calm when most people are freaking out. You know where to look when you're walking. You keep your head up, but your nose isn't in the air so you can see where you're going. Most people look down because their scared of falling."
"Wow, so you're like Dr. Phil now?
"It's because I always end up reading one of you're magazines when I come over."
She'd been there for longer now. But under the tree, life was beautiful. So she didn't mind.
So she didn't notice the funny creaking noises that came from above.
She didn't notice the tree was dying until it was taking her with it.
He hears her calling.
And he hits the ground running.
Grief is much more like a cloud than a fog.
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