This story was created by my two good friends, Win and Mia as we listened to a debate in our school hall. Please forgive us for the insanity of this fic as we weren't quite right in the head as we wrote this.The starting of this story is copyrighted by Bonnie from Criminality. A thousand apologies to Bonnie if you feel angry that we copied your idea for a starting, but it is your idea where we got the inspiration to creat this fic.
It was a bright and sunny day in Ireland. Artemis Fowl the Second was feeling particularly restless that day. Seated at his computer (or laptop) with his trusted bodyguard, Butler, at his side, he suddenly let out a most unbecoming wail.
"Oh, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, I'm bored! I wanna eat McDonalds and ice skate! I wanna be cool!" Artemis jumped on his bed, throwing a temper tantrum. In his fit of upset ness, he knocked against the window frame beside his bed and fell out said window one-storey down. "AAAGH!" he screamed (very much like a girl). Meanwhile, Butler was staring, his eyes glazed and shining with admiration, at the abandoned bed. "Oh, Arty! You're SOOOO cool! (Insert hearts here) If I wasn't old, grey and balding, I want to grow up to be just like you!" he squealed. "In fact, I'll start trying to be like you!"
Butler began jumping on the bed and bounced out the window (and screamed) and landed on Artemis. The young master exhaled loudly as the man mountain fell on his body. Butler, who was still in a daze, did not see the two slender arms snaking around his neck until they tightened enough to shrink his windpipe. "I love you, man!" Artemis cried joyfully. "I love you and all the pretty, pretty flowers and trees and the forsaken world!" He paused. "And the fluffy bunnies! You can't forget the bunnies!" he sang, arms growing tighter around Butler's gorilla-like frame due to his overwhelming affection for the big, wide world. Artemis danced around, nearly choking Butler. "I have a mission…A mission to hug trees!" Butler pried his charge off and they both went around hugging trees and flowers and everything in the forsaken, big wide world.
Artemis attempted a pirouette and landed clumsily on his backside. Butler immediately copied Artemis perfectly down to every wobble and shake, and he landed on his big bottom with such might that you could have sworn that an earthquake had occurred in that area. As it was, the traumatized bunnies living around the massive gardens of Fowl Manor resolved never to return after witnessing that deranged affair. They began to tunnel their way out hurriedly, producing a huge hole in the gravel beyond.
Artemis chased after the poor bunnies, singing,"Oh the fluffy bunnies! I will follow you!" and fell into the hole head first. "Artemis!" A deranged Butler chased after him loyally, diving into the hole and banging his head on Artemis's. After blinking away the stars dancing in front of his eyes, the young master stared at his bodyguard. "Oh!" he squealed happily. "Aren't you just the biggest, fattest, fluffiest bunny I've ever seen!" He latched his arms around Butler's beefy neck once again and proceeded to give him another bone-crushing hug, accompanied by two sloppy kisses on each of his bodyguard's dry cheeks. Sudden visions of Butler in a Playboy bunny suit, complete with fishnet stockings, appeared in the three author's minds. But that's beside the point. Anyway, Butler crushed Artemis's body, shrieking," Artemis! I finally found my true nature! It's a fluffy bunny! Oh, thank you, Arty!" Butler's eyes shone as if he had found the meaning of life.
Artemis managed to wiggle out of Butler's crushing grip with little squeaks and snorts. "Let's go!" he cried to Butler. "Back to the Fowl Manor! WHOOOSH!" Artemis jumped out of the hole and imitated an airplane on the way back to his manor, complete with outstretched arms and sound effects. Butler, of course, imitated his young master and managed to look like a charging fighting jet. They rushed to Artemis's room and opened his gigantic walk-in closet, intending to look for fluffy Easter bunny suits. All they got was the shock of their lives as they found Juliet in a skimpy Playboy bunny suit messing around with the young master's loafers. "Oh, hi guys!" she waved enthusiastically. "I was just…collecting samples of your radioactive toe fungus for my Venus flytrap's dinner!"
Artemis's eyes widened in amazement. "It's perfect!" he shouted, ala director-that-found-the-perfect-actor-slash-actress. "Yes, it's perfect!" Butler agreed, although most part of him didn't quite know what the fish Artemis was talking about. "Oh, Butler will definitely look like a cute fluffy bunny in that suit!" Artemis bounced around in joy. "Juliet, take that off now! We have to fulfill Butler's dream of being a bunny!" Juliet's eyes shone. "Finally someone realized that fluffy bunnies are good indeed!"
We will now leave the part about how Juliet changed out of her bunny suit up to the readers as undoubtedly nosebleeds will occur as you perverted people imagine it. Butler strapped on the much-too-small suit on and tottered around, wheezing. "Aren't I the cutest, biggest, most fluffy bunny you've ever seen?" he announced. Artemis grinned, showing every single one of his pearly white teeth. "You're beautiful!" he sang to the tune of James Blunt's horrible, raggedy voice (utmost apologies to fans of said singer). Just then, a shout came from the wardrobe. Both Artemis and Butler turned to Juliet who was holding yet another bunny suit in her hands. "There's one for you too, Arty!" Artemis clasped his hands to his chest, eyes sparkling. "Oh, Juliet! You're so wonderful, I could just hug you!" And so, he gave Juliet a bone-crushing hug not unlike the one he gave to Butler previously and rushed off with the suit.
Seconds later, he appeared decked out in the suit. Butler and Juliet gasped. "You're stunningly gorgeous!" Artemis looked at his reflection in the full-length mirror and struck a model's pose, pouting seductively. "Yes, I think I am," he declared. And they all rushed off to McDonalds, bouncing and twirling along the way with Butler causing more than a few earthquakes by landing on his mighty rump. Everything was okey-dokey, until…
"AAAGH!" The real Artemis screamed as he bolted up from his bed. "What a nightmare," he panted, putting a shaking hand on his heaving chest. "I think," he paused as his stomach rumbled. "McDonalds and ice skating would do me good."
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