.o0o. There's less humor in this chapter, but I'll try to make up for it in the next chapter. Also, sorry I took so long to update (as usual)…I lost this chapter somewhere in the disaster I call my bedroom and took a week to find it. .o0o.
Chapter 4 …Kagome, the Girl that Never Existed?"You know, black hair…brown eyes…weird outfit…Kagome."
Normal Inuyasha was sick of this tedious attempt to remind everyone who Kagome was. They simply thought he was delirious or something, imagining things. But he was sure that Kagome was real! There had to be some sort of exclamation.
"Kagome is the one who split the jewel into shards," Normal Inuyasha pointed out. "How could they be split if she doesn't exist?"
Miroku sighed. "Inuyasha, you honestly don't remember?"
"The scary crow that stole the jewel that day was slaughtered by you. You got the jewel back, but Kikyo later accidentally split it with an arrow when she was resurrected," scaredy Inuyasha stated matter-of-factly.
The other Inuyashas nodded their heads. Normal Inuyasha was getting impatient. How could he convince them of Kagome's existence? There had to be a way.
"Enough of this Kalome business," cheerful Inuyasha said, grinning for the heck of it.
"It's Kagome!" normal Inuyasha snapped, secretly taking Micki4's idea of killing his "clones" into consideration.
"Oh, yeah. Kagome. Whatever," cheerful Inuyasha shrugged.
"Let's get down to more serious business," Sango said loudly. "We've got to continue our search for the jewel shard that is close by. I bet Roku has it."
Though the subject was changed, normal Inuyasha's thoughts of Kagome wouldn't so easily ebb away. If the others thought that she actually didn't exist…
No. He wouldn't consider it. A world without Kagome wasn't worth thinking about.
"Kagome," he muttered to no one in particular, "where are you?"
Perverted Inuyasha studied normal Inuyasha. He had heard him muttering. Actually, everyone had. Normal Inuyasha wasn't too good at quietly muttering. But I'm getting off topic, so anyway…
"So," perverted Inuyasha smirked, "you dreamed up some lover."
Normal Inuyasha jumped. "Huh? Lover? No! Me 'n Kagome aren't—"
"Ooo! He's blushing!" cheerful Inuyasha burst out. "He's in l-o-x-t…um, l-u-w—"
"It's L-O-V-E."
"Oh, yeah. I knew that. He's in LOVE!"
Normal Inuyasha, his face completely flushed, yelled, "L-l-love! I am not in love with Ka—"
"Heh. Too bad this Kalome person is just dreamed up," Shippo said. "I'd like to see the crazy girl that'd allow Inuyasha to fall in love with her."
"It's Kagome, and I'm not—"
"Does she have a nice butt?" (You can automatically tell which Inuyasha said this line, as usual.)
"Shut up! But…uh…ahem…she does have a pretty nice butt…"
"AIEEE! Normal Inuyasha's in love with a gal with a nice butt!"
"EEEK! He's all ready kissed her!"
"KAIIIII! They've had sex!"
Normal Inuyasha's eyes bulged. "Wha—!"
The discussion of the "dreamed up" girl Kalome—I mean, Kagome—went on for quite some time until everyone was convinced that Inuyasha had made up a girl in a dream that he had married and had kids with. Normal Inuyasha somewhat regretted brining the subject up. But he had to admit that he had once dreamed of Kagome and himself together doing…uh, never mind.
The day passed quickly with no luck of convincing anybody that Kagome was real. It was now nighttime, and the waning moon peeked out through the tree branches. There were a lot of annoying mosquitoes, but still no Kagome.
Just as crybaby Inuyasha yawned and laid down to go to sleep, an evil laugh was heard. It was the stereotypical laugh of an evil female demon plotting something against the Inuyashas. You know the laugh I'm talking about.
Angry Inuyasha immediately put on him best scowl. Crybaby and scaredy Inuyasha both shrieked. Everyone expressed some form of alertness. The laughing continued.
A person—a woman, more specifically—jumped from a tree and landed on her feet right next to the fire crybaby Inuyasha and Shippo had made earlier. She had on a blue kimono that went well with her icy, harsh eyes. She held her ash black hair up in a sloppy side ponytail, and she carried a blood red leaf in her left hand. Basically, you could tell immediately by the sight of her that she was a demon. But it's not like you couldn't infer that all ready from her evil laughing.
The unwelcome demon licked her lips. "How's it going? Not so well without that strange girl, I'll bet."
Strange girl? Wait a minute! Normal Inuyasha knew who she was talking about!
"What'd you do to Kalo—uh, Kagome!" he demanded. "Tell me now!"
The demon girl smirked. "You remember her? That spell must not have touched you because of some shield cast by the Tetsusaiga. Bummer. Oh, well. I can cope."
She laughed again as the Inuyashas, Shippo, Kerara, Sango, and Miroku prepared for a fight. (Shippo and scaredy Inuyasha prepared by hiding behind a rock, but of course.)
"Oops. I never introduced myself to make it easier on the author so that she doesn't hafta write 'the female demon' every time she refers to me." She licked her lips again (because she was wearing cherry lip gloss that tasted quite good). "I'm Aku. You better remember the name, 'cause I—EEP!"
Perverted Inuyasha had beat Miroku this time. The others discovered his groping Aku's butt, standing behind her. Aku screeched and smacked perverted Inuyasha on the face. She lifted her red leaf above her head and chanted some weird spell. Her eyes lit up. The red leaf began to glow intensely. Then a huge ball of energy busted from the abnormal leaf, causing perverted Inuyasha to tumble to the ground, blood coming off of his chest.
That put angry Inuyasha's temper out of control. He charged but soon remembered that normal Inuyasha still had the Tetsusaiga. He was weaponless and easily brought to the ground next to perverted Inuyasha.
"Two down, four to go," Aku snickered, her hair starting to come out of its awkward pony. "This is too simple. I at least expected a little challenge."
She laughed again and put the red leaf to her lips. (When she was younger, she used to pretend she was kissing the leaf for practice so she'd know how to kiss her first boyfriend…but, uh…you didn't really need to know that.)
I bet you're wondering where normal Inuyasha was at this time. Why doesn't he come out and fight, you say. Where is he? Well…cheerful Inuyasha had glued the Tetsusaiga to its scabbard a few days back as a practical joke, and normal Inuyasha was still struggling to get it free.
Since normal Inuyasha was out of commission, it was crybaby Inuyasha to the rescue! He, oddly enough, had a mad look on his face and no tears.
"Lady," he yelled, "your laughing is really starting to tick me off. Quit it!"
Hearing this only made Aku laugh even harder, which made crybaby Inuyasha madder. He grabbed poor Shippo from behind the rock and hurtled him straight for Aku. Aku didn't expect this to happen, and she fell on the ground with Shippo on top of her. Crybaby Inuyasha started…well, crying again.
Shippo took one look at Aku's furious face and screamed. He grabbed her red leaf and bolted. He hid for dear life behind that rock after tossing the red leaf to normal Inuyasha's feet. (Wow! Go Shippo, retrieving that leaf!)
Aku was outraged. She hadn't expected that to happen at all. (Then again, who would?) She glared and clenched her teeth.
"Hand the leaf over," she coldly said.
Normal Inuyasha didn't even flinch. "Tell me where Kagome is."
Aku turned away. "Not a chance."
Normal Inuyasha finally managed to draw his sword. "Tell me! Now!"
He charged toward Aku, who was practically defenseless without her special red leaf. Aku's eyes widened in pure terror.
"Wait!" she exclaimed hastily. "I'll tell you where the girl is! Stop!"
Normal Inuyasha halted but left his sword intact and raised. "Go on."
"She's in the leaf, along with the memories of her," Aku hissed.
"How do I get her out?" normal Inuyasha demanded.
Aku's eyes darted from normal Inuyasha to the red leaf in his hand. "Offer the leaf a small portion of your blood and say the girl's name."
Normal Inuyasha stared suspiciously at Aku. Perverted Inuyasha decided to speak up. (He was still lying on the ground, the lazy bum.)
"I'll do it," he said. "I'm all ready bleeding, anyway. Besides, It'd be nice to remember the woman you love with the nice butt."
He slowly let some blood drip from his chest wound, and then he said calmly, "Kalome."
Nothing happened. Aku seized the opportunity to attack. She stole the leaf back and hurriedly moved out of the Tetsusaiga's reach.
"You baka!" normal Inuyasha groaned. "Her name's Kagome, not Kalome! That's why it didn't work!"
Perverted Inuyasha scratched his head and shrugged. "Oops."
But the red leaf still had perverted Inuyasha's blood on it, and when normal Inuyasha yelled Kagome's name, it broke the spell. Aku screamed in agony as Kagome broke free from the leaf prison. Then she herself was sucked into the leaf, and her screaming faded. The red leaf turned black and crumbled.
At last, Kagome stood before normal Inuyasha alive and well but a little overwhelmed.
"I remember you now!" scaredy Inuyasha exclaimed, appearing from behind the rock. "Hooray!"
Cheerful Inuyasha joined in with scaredy, and soon there was a loud chorus of hoorays.
"Normal Inuyasha was correct. You do have a fine butt." Perverted Inuyasha grinned rather sexily.
Kagome blushed slightly and yelled, "Perverted Inuyasha! Ugh! SIT!"
Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!
"Thanks for saving me, but I've got to go to my own time for a while," Kagome said as the Inuyashas overcame their shock of being sat. "Don't follow me, you hear? I can just imagine the chaos you'd cause with even a simple gumball machine from my time (see chapter three)…"
"WAHHH!"
"Hey, wait a minu—"
"Don't leave me! It's scary without you!"
"What's a gumball mu-cheen?"
"Oww…this hurts…"
"I wonder what her bra size is…"
A/N: Kagome didn't give much thanks before leaving, did she? Eh heh. Guess she's just used to being rescued by now. Sorry the chapter is so sloppy.Please review, though! By the way, two chapters from now there will be a big thing going on. There's a hint to that "thing" in the paragraph in this chapter that reads:
'The day passed quickly with no luck of convincing anybody that Kagome was real. It was now nighttime, and the waning moon peeked out through the tree branches. There were a lot of annoying mosquitoes, but still no Kagome.'
Try to guess what it is! Speaking of upcoming chapters…
NEXT CHAPTER: SIX DRUNK DOG DEMONS AND A PLAYBOY MAGAZINE
.(). A new short side story! Yayyyyy! .().
INUYASHA AND THE GANG: BAND GEEKS (not related to the actual story, but of course)
Kagome: "Hey, who took my clarinet reed?"
Koga: "Oh, here it is. Somebody threw it in my tuba."
(Inuyasha approaches.)
Inuyasha: "Hey, has anyone seen my drumsti—OW!"
Shippo (bonking Inuyasha on the head with his drumstick): "Ha, ha! Revenge is sweet!"
Inuyasha: "Why you little flute playing—"
(Miroku approaches.)
Miroku (staring at Sango's butt, drooling): "I'm so glad Sango decided to be on the dance line for marching band. -drool, drool-"
(Sesshomaru appears out of nowhere and sees everybody with instruments wearing utterly geeky band outfits and picking their noses.)
Sesshomaru (panicking): "RRRRIIIINNN! The Tylenol isn't working!"
Heh...this was actually one of my many odd story ideas. In it, Naroku and Inuyasha competed to get first chair trumpet (later changed to drums). Kikyo was second chair clarinet, and Kagome was first chair clarinet. Sesshomaru played the trombone. Ha, ha, ha!