Sho was a good little brother.
Well he tried to be. He tried his best to be a good little brother but…but it was hard sometimes. Like the times when your sister made you so mad that you exploded and scratched her arms up real bad. She was still asleep. Sho could tell by her aura. They had put their mattresses down on the floor to make one big bed out of two little beds. That was nice. Last night hadn't been very nice but waking up next to her like this…it was nice.
Even if being this close gave him a clear view the scratches that ran up and down her arms.
She was wearing summer pajamas for some reason even though it as winter. That was how she had gotten so many scratches on her arms. If she had been wearing long sleeves then maybe Sho wouldn't have hurt her so bad…but he shouldn't have hurt her in the first place. He should have been nicer to her. he should have controlled himself better instead of getting so mad at her that he would do something like this. He had been such a bad little brother last night. He had been as bad as he could be and…and she still loved him. Even though he had been so terrible to her she loved him just the same.
He loved her too.
He pulled her blankets up over her. She must have been cold. She was wearing summer pajamas so she must have been cold. He was fine. He had never ended up putting his shirt back on and he was fine but she must have been cold. So he covered her up to her neck witch her blanket. Now he couldn't see her scratches anymore. He hoped that he hadn't left any scars. He had enough scars for the both of them. He could see his when he looked down. He could see the places where his skin had been shot full of lightning or poked or stabbed or….or all of that other stuff.
Stuff that he didn't want to think about.
He didn't know why he thought about that stuff sometimes. It had happened and it was over and the past was in the pat so he had no real reason to think about it. He was the Awakened Child now, it had all been worth it, so there was no reason to sit there and look at his scars and touch his scars and then think about what had happened to give him those scars and…and there was no reason at all for him to be all sad like this. He shouldn't have been sad about his old scars, no, he should have been sad about the ones that he had probably ended up giving big sis during their big fight.
He hadn't meant to.
He hadn't meant to hurt her. He had meant to…to not hurt her. He had been trying not to hurt her but then she came close and touched the tree on his back and…and then the next thing he knew he had been on top of her. But now it was over and…and she loved him. She loved him and he loved her and they loved each other even after they had fought. Even after he had hit her. Even after she had yelled at him for hitting himself. Even after they had both exploded…she loved him and he loved her and they loved each other and everything was going to be ok now.
Right?
Well there was still the question of what today would be like. It was daytime now, the room was full of sunshine and stuff, and now they had to wake up and get dressed and have breakfast and then he would go to work with dad….dad had left without him for some reason…which meant that he had to play with big sis all day today…and that would have been nice. Him and her playing and being happy and stuff. Could they be like that again? Just playing and being happy? He didn't know. He didn't know but…but he was going to try. He had been so mad at her for saying that dad treated them the same, now, but she had said sorry so there was no more reason to be mad…and he wasn't mad…but he did sort of wish that dad had brought him with….and he didn't know why. Unless dad had been sleeping deeper than he had ever slept in his life he must have heard them yelling and seen them exploding and….and it was weird that he hadn't come in and punished them for fighting and waking him up and stuff…..
Sho's glad that dad left.
With dad gone then he doesn't have to worry about being punished….for a while. For a little while at least. He might have been planning on punishing him later when he had the time. Just him and not big sis, never big sis, and he was not going to be jealous. He loved big sis and of course he wouldn't want her to be punished. He cared about her and he wanted her to be safe and happy and stuff…and she cared about him. They cared about each other.
So why did he feel like this?
Why did he feel like he…he wanted to hide from her? Because he still felt bad about how last night had gone. Because when he thought about it, about how he had jumped on her and hurt her, he wanted to hit himself over and over again because he had been bad and that was what you were supposed to do when you were bad, get hit, and Sho had been as bad as he could be….and he was still mad at himself…but he had promised her that he wouldn't do that ever again and she had even ordered him not to…because she outranked him and she could tell him what to do even though he was the boy and next in line to be President she still outranked him in Claw and in the family and she was older and what she said went, dad had said, even though she was only a year older than him and…
And he was not going to be having any more jerk thoughts.
He took his sad and angry and confused feeling and stuffed them down deeper than even the deepest traitor hole and he left them to die just like the worst of traitors. His feeling were traitors to him. Hid feelings made him do bad things. Like now. He was biting the side of his hand again because he was just so mad at himself for having been mad at her and he was still sort of mad because she had said all of that stuff about outranking him and…and he was just upset and he knew that he had made her a promise and he knew that he had to stop and-
She moved.
"Good morning, Sho." said Mob as she yawned and stretched and tried to wake up. She felt…good. Lighter. Happier. She was near her little brother and of course she was happy. They had fought yesterday but today was a new day and she could make the very best of it.
"Hey." Said Sho. He took his hand out of his mouth and wiped it on his blanket. She sat up and pulled her hair out of her face. He watched her aura. She was….happy? Even after that great big fight that they'd had last night she was happy? But why? He had hurt her and scratched her and…and she was still happy….
"What time is it?" asked Mob. There was a lot of sunlight in their room…but that might have been because they had left the blinds opened last night. It was the winter sort of light, very pale and bright, not the warm light of summer. That was weird, it being wintertime, or maybe it just felt weird because they had never stayed in one place long enough to see the seasons change like this. She didn't care what season it was, though, just so long as she got to spend it with Sho. They were ok now, him and her, because they had gotten all of their feelings out. They had let them go. Just like the song said, sometimes you just had to let it go.
"I don't know. Dad left already, though." said Sho. He couldn't feel dad's aura anywhere. Good. He knew that they had been loud and stuff and he knew that dad hated it when they got like that. He didn't feel like dealing with dad being all mad at them. He was glad that dad had left him behind. Maybe he would start pretending that Sho was invisible too just like he pretended that big sis was invisible.
"Oh. I'm sorry that he didn't take you with." Said Mob. She knew that Sho liked it when dad was nice to him. She knew that dad could be nice to Sho when he came to work with him. That was where dad was happiest, when he was at work. He used to be happiest when he was with Mob…but Mob didn't want that anymore. Not just because too much of dad's love could be scary. She didn't want dad to give her all of his love and then none of his love to Sho. She would much rather have had dad never talk to her or look at her again if it meant that dad loved Sho just a little more. Enough to stop punishing him, at least, even though she knew that this was not how things worked in their family.
"It's ok." Said Sho. Dad could do whatever he felt like it. It was better that he was with big sis anyway. They hadn't hung out together in a while. He could play Minecraft with Fukuda later. He would come home eventually and he loved to play Minecraft even though he was so bad at it. The worst. Maybe he and big sis could play together…or something. He didn't really want her in his and Fukuda's Minecraft world even though he loved her. Maybe they could make a world on their own…but also with her boyfriend because he was a nice guy and stuff and also he was good at messing the game to get them rare stuff.
This could be a fun game….if they ended up starting one.
She liked it and he liked it but he had his own game with Fukuda and she had her own game with dad…well dad had took over that whole game so she had no game at all…so it could be fun. It could be fun to play with her again…or they could play other video games….or they could play outside or something. Anything but the Shoko game. He knew that they always played the Shoko game when he was mean to her but….but she was also mean to him and stuff….and also he didn't feel like dressing up in big sis' clothes and pretending to be her little sister and stuff.
He didn't know what they would do but he did know that they could have fun together.
"I should have woken you up and gotten you dressed and made sure you brushed your teeth and brushed your hair and made sure you ate breakfast and stuff. I'm sorry." said Mob. He was her responsibility. She was the one who had to get him up in the mornings but she had been too busy sleeping in, they had been up late, and she had been a bad big sister to him. First she had yelled at him and now she had just not taken care of him at all. That was why dad had left him behind. She had even let him go to bed without a shirt on even though the cold could have made him sick. She was so bad at taking care of him…she should have been fired from the family…or at least de-ranked.
"I said that it was ok. I'm actually kind of glad that he left without me. I don't want to be around him after…after what happened. I know that he's going to be mad at me." Said Sho. He didn't care. He was used to it. The worst parts, really, were the parts when he worried about what dad was going to do to him. It was like reverse Christmas. The best part of Christmas was looking forward to what he would get just like the worst part of being punished was waiting for dad to punish him. But it was fine. He was used to it, to dad, and he would always be used to it. There was no point in not being used to it.
"Sho….I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we fought and I'm sorry about…about how dad treats you. He shouldn't treat you like that." Said Mob. She didn't know why dad was the way he was but she knew that there was no way to make him better. He was dad and he could be so mean…and she didn't understand. Dad could be so mean to Sho but at the same time he could show her all the love in the world. How did that even work? Mob would have had more trouble being mean than being nice….but that was her. Dad was a totally different person than her and he acted however he wanted…even meanly. Even meanly towards Sho…and Sho didn't deserve that.
He didn't deserve to be treated badly.
Not by dad and not by himself. She wished that there was something that she could do about how dad treated Sho. She wished that there was some way to make dad change. To make dad give Sho the love that he showed her….well no, because Sho would not like being smothered like that…why couldn't dad just show normal love? Not the smothering kind and…and enough for both of his kids. Like mom. Mom knew how to love them….well she had until she left….so maybe both of her parents were just bad at this…
But that was ok. She was there for Sho and she loved him and she could…she could show him love and stuff.
"Whatever. It's not like there's anything that either of us can do so it's whatever." Said Sho. He got up and stretched. No point in talking about this now. Dad would come home and punish him and that was that. No point in talking about it or worrying about it. She didn't get it, she never got punished so she didn't know, and he needed to stop being mad at her about not knowing.
"I know but I wish that it wasn't. I wish that there was more that I could do for you." Said Mob. Even when dad had loved her he still would not have listened to her. Dad didn't punish Sho as often as he used to. She was happy about that. Ever since she had been promoted to mom's rank dad had been a lot nicer to Sho…but nicer meant that he wasn't punishing Sho as often…but that was still good…good for them. Good by the standards of their family. She got the feeling that other people's families were different so he could only speak for her family.
"Just don't…don't say dumb stuff like dad treats us the same, ok? Just don't ever say that again." said Sho. He said that sort of meanly…and he didn't mean it. He knew that she hadn't been saying that to hurt him and she knew that they had talked about it and…and he knew that it still hurt when he thought about what she had said. That dad treated them the same. He wished that dad treated them the same, though, but in reverse. Instead of dad
"Don't worry. I won't. I know that it bothers you now." Said Mob. She wished that she had thought more about how Sho had felt. She wished that she hadn't said something that had hurt him. She never wanted to hurt him, she loved him, but she was glad that she knew now that she had said something that bothered him. She wished that he could have just told her how he had felt from the very beginning but she didn't have a time machine and even if she'd had one she wouldn't have messed with time just to keep an argument to happening. Well she did wish that the argument had never happened but it was good that they'd had that argument because now they could understand each other better. Like how Elsa and Anna could only understand each other better after Elsa frozen her sister's heart with magic and then Anna's heart unfroze. Mob looked around the room. She was glad that she hadn't lost control that badly. The room was a mess but at least she hadn't hurt Sho at all. She didn't know what she would have done if she froze her own brother's heart or hurt him in any way.
She loved him more than anything.
"Ok…and I won't hit myself anymore either because it bothers you. We're brother and sister and we should be nice to each other and…and stuff." Said Sho. That was how siblings were supposed to be. He had been a bad little brother but he…he could try to be better to her. He didn't look at her arms. She had taken her arms out from under her blanket and he tried his best not to look at what he had done to her. He wished that there was some way to turn back time to make it so that he never hurt her or….or if he could make her scratches go away. But he couldn't because he didn't have healing powers and Fukuda…he was really weird about big sis. For some reason he talked about her like she was a jerk or something. Maybe he just didn't like her because she was like dad sometimes. They both could be boring and weird but that was the whole of it. Dad was never as nice as big sis. Even at her meanest when she was talking about how she outranked him and…and stuff like that she was nicer than dad had ever been in his entire life.
"You're right. We should be nice to each other…and I should never yell at you like that again because it was wrong of me and…and stuff. To yell at you and to be mean to you." Said Mob. She couldn't believe that she had lost control over herself like that and that she had been so mean to him. She had been mean and…and that was not her. She didn't know where that person had come from, the person that she had been last night, but she hoped that she never became that person again. She wasn't supposed to be like that. She had to be nice and sweet, like mom had said, and even if mom hadn't said so being mean…it felt bad. It felt so bad. Like eating too much junk food and then riding the tea cups over and over again for an hour and then your stomach hurt and you wanted to throw up but you couldn't and…and it felt just like that.
"Yeah…but…whatever. I'm tired of all of this apologizing. It's boring." Said Sho. He didn't like to be bored and people saying sorry was boring. Shimazaki had said so and he was the coolest guy who ever lived so of course Sho was going to be like him. He sort of wished that he had gone to work with dad because he wanted to see him again. They always found something fun to do. Even when it was this cold out they could still find something fun to do. Like climbing trees and looking for birds and squirrels…or staying inside and stealing food from people's trays and putting the food on other people's trays so that they thought that their friends had stolen from them and then they started fighting. That was fun. Big sis didn't have that kind of fun, though, so that was why he wanted to see Shimazaki so badly…but he could have fun with big sis too and he had to be nice to big sis and stuff because he had been mean to her and now they had to make up.
"Oh, ok. What do you want to do today then?" asked Mob. She hoped that at some point they cleaned this room up….or she would just do it herself. She didn't know where any of her stuff was. Everything was just in piles, now, which was normal for Sho but not or her. She wished that she hadn't lost control. She wished that she had been better. She wished that she had done more to keep control of her powers and also…and also that she hadn't yelled at him and…and she didn't know. She got up and put her bed where it belonged. There, that was a little bit cleaner. At least she had her powers. It would have taken a lot longer if she did it by hand.
"I don't know. What do you want to do?" asked Sho as he used his powers to put his bed back where it went. They had to clean this room up because he had no idea where any of his stuff was. His art stuff, his pens and pencils and crayons and stuff, were scattered everywhere. Even with powers it would take him a while to get everything right again. His papers and sketchbooks were scattered everywhere. He was…he tried not to be mad at her. She had lost control and that was ok because he lost control, too, and at least when she lost control she never broke anything or hurt anyone or beat him up…and stuff.
"Um….we can play together. We haven't played anything together in so long. Or we could clean up, too. I mean I could clean up. All of our stuff is everywhere….and I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't have lost control and stuff. That was wrong of me." Said Mob. She used her powers to pick up the clothes on the ground and put them back in their dresser. She was putting them back as best as she could. She could sort them out later. That way she and Sho couldn't end up switching clothes on accident.
"You don't have to clean up my stuff for me." Said Sho
"But I want to. I made the mess so I should be the one to clean it up." Said Mob
"Let me clean my own stuff up. I have to get my stuff back to the way it was." Said Sho. He went around and started collecting his pencils and pens and markers and crayons off the ground. Big sis was cleaning up too. She was getting her dolls the way that she liked them. She had a whole system for putting them away and he didn't get it. At least he had a reason for organizing his stuff. Dolls were just dolls. His stuff was for drawing and that was more important than playing dolls.
Those were jerk thoughts to have.
Dolls weren't always boring. Dolls could be fun when you put them on balloons and made them float away or you had them execute each other like when big sis and Minegishi played dolls…so Sho wouldn't have minded playing dolls with big sis…but he would have preferred it if she played dolls with her other friends. He really didn't want to play the Shoko game that day….or most days. Not just because he didn't want to wear her itchy clothes and play her boring games. He didn't like how she had always wanted a sister instead of a brother and when they played that game then she could pretend that she'd had that little sister that she had always wanted. Why couldn't he be enough for her just the way he was?
Why couldn't he just be enough for himself just the way he was?
Why couldn't he be who he wanted to be? He wanted to be a good little brother and…and he could try again. He had to try again. He wanted to be a good little brother and he wanted to make big sis happy and…and he never wanted to hurt her again. In any way. Even though she had said…what she had said…he still wanted to be a good little brother. A good person. He knew who he wanted to be and that person was the direct opposite of dad.
He hoped that he never grew up to be anything like dad.
A pencil flew down from above him and then into his hands. Then another and another. Oh. They had gotten stuck in the blinds. He decided to help her. She was just putting things in his hands without thinking about the thickness of the pencil or the color or the type. He had to do this himself. These were his things and he had to do them himself.
"Thank you for helping me, Sho, but you don't have to. I can do this." said Mob as she pulled his pencils and pens and stuff from where they had gotten stuck between the half rolled up blinds. The blinds didn't do much for the sunlight. It was late in the morning. They were late to breakfast and getting dressed and doing their school work…but that was ok because they had been up late and…and maybe it would be better if they had a play day. She looked out the window. There was some snow on the ground. Not that much but enough that they could play in it…maybe. Not enough to build a fort or an igloo or a snowman or anything like that…but they could still play outside. She didn't care what they did so long as they could be together.
"I have to because you don't know about my art stuff and you'll just mix everything up…but thanks for helping anyway." Said Sho. Nice. He had to be nice. He hadn't even realized that he had been mean until he was almost done talking. That was a dad thing. He always said mean things without thinking about what he was saying. He was just a jerk like that. Well Sho was not going to be anything like dad. Ever.
"You're welcome. Um…what do you want to do when we're done?" asked Mob as she picked up one of her dresses, her Belle one, and held it up. She could wear this one today. Her Elsa one, all of them, were dirty. She could always wear clothes…but these were clothes. Costumes were clothes. Anything that you could cover yourself with were clothes. So she would maybe wear this today…or maybe the Aurora one because it was purple and she liked purple…or maybe the Merida one because she was starting to grow out of that one so she needed to wear it as often as she could before she had to get rid of it.
"There's snow outside…because it snowed last night…and stuff. Um….do you want to build a snowman?" asked Sho as he pointed out the window to what didn't even look like enough snow to build a snowman…but he would still try. He didn't like the way that she was holding that dress up. She was holding it up like she was planning on making him wear it. She probably wanted him to be Shoko again…but he didn't feel like being Shoko. He felt like being Sho. Not just because her clothes were tight and itchy and also he didn't like clothes without legs because you had to be careful how you moved and stuff. No, he was happy wearing his own clothes and being his own self and stuff.
But he wouldn't be able to say no if she asked him to play that Shoko game with her.
He had to be a good little brother and…and she had those scratches all over her so he owed her one. He owed her and…and that was what he did when he acted like a jerk. Being nice was a lot harder than being mean…but he could still try. He had to try. For her and for himself. He was not dad and he could not let himself be dad. He was Sho, he was himself, and he was sorry for being a jerk.
So the least he could do was build a snowman with his big sister.
"Sho, I would love to build a snowman with you." Said Mob. She was so happy! And not just because he was singing from Frozen, either, but because were ok now. They were friends again, as much as a big sister and a little brother could be friends, and they were going to play together and he felt better from their argument and so did she and…and they were going to be ok again. That was all she wanted was for her and her little brother to be ok. To be friends again. For him to forgive her not just for losing control but for everything, the things that she'd said, even before their fight. She felt the scratches on her arms. They hurt. They hurt every time she moved and she knew that they would hurt even worse when she out something with sleeves on but…but that was ok. She shouldn't have made Sho upset. They were her fault just like Sho being upset had been her fault.
But it was ok.
Because she could be a better big sister to him from here on out. They were going to go outside and they were going to build a snowman and they were going to be alright. She was never going to make him mad enough at her to hit her like that again and she was never going to make him lose control again and…and that was how it was going to be. She was never going to lose control again either. They were going to be ok. They were going to go outside and build a snowman and everything was going to be ok.
More than ok. They still loved each other so everything was going to be more than ok.