Disclaimer: Not mine, wish they were, so on, so forth...
A/N: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I love knowing that folks are still taking the time to read my story as long as it's gotten! The storyline for the final chapter has been "mentally written", though I still don't know how many chapters are left before we get there. I hope you'll all stick around and see, though!
Just a teeny reminder that the last several chapters of this story will be getting into some different emotional aspects of the Rabb's lives as they face a few challenges that come with being newlyweds and new parents. I promise the Mac/Trish matter will be dealt with soon. I've had a few folks comment that they feel maybe Mac is being overly emotional as of late, and I've taken that possibility to heart (as I do all comments folks care enough to make!). While I can't write from experience as far as being in Mac's exact place, I can write what I believe I would feel if I were in her place, just based on what she's been through. I can say with absolute certainty that if what happened to Ainsley happened to any baby of mine under those circumstances, I'd react just how Mac reacted. I'd save the long heart-to-heart with the mother-in-law for a time when I was better equipped to handle it and make it productive.
That said, I hope you enjoy this chapter, and another big hug and giant thank you to LadyCommish for helping me keep the muse going:)
Chapter 72:
The first sound they heard when they approached was Ainsley's laugh. They smiled at each other as they turned around the corner to the doorway. Harm smiled as did Mac at the sight before them. Ainsley was lying against Mattie in the rocking chair, and Trish was sitting on the stool across from them, shaking a hospital issue rattle at her. Each time she shook it, Ainsley laughed and tried to smack the object with her tiny fist.
"That's Grandma's girl" Trish praised. "You're going to be so smart, just like daddy and mommy."
"When did she wake up?" asked Harm as he watched the interaction.
"Just a few minutes ago" Trish replied shaking the rattle again. "She let us know she was ready to get out and play. Didn't you, baby girl?"
The baby smacked the rattle dead on this time and it made a noise. The look of surprise on Ainsley's face made everyone laugh.
"Her diaper feels a little wet" said Mattie, "but knowing how much she loves being changed, I decided to leave that task to one of you two." She placed a kiss in the middle of Ainsley's fuzzy little head.
"That would be daddy's job" Mac told Harm. "Go for it, babe."
"Come here, munchkin" said Harm, reaching down to take the baby from Mattie's lap. "Daddy's got to change you, which you won't like, but that's just how it goes." He laid her back in the crib and took to the task at hand as Ainsley wriggled and fussed.
"She's not fighting you too much" Mac smiled. "If I tried that we'd all think I was torturing her. Such a Daddy's girl."
"Harm loved to have his diaper changed" Trish recalled. "He just hated the part where I had to put his clothes back on. He loved to lay around in his diaper and undershirt, with socks. Try and put pants on him, and you'd think all Hell broke loose."
"Haha, you liked to run around with no pants on!" laughed Mattie.
Mac walked over to Harm as he was bent over fastening Ainsley's new diaper. "You still do" she whispered in his ear, and they both laughed.
"Hey, inside joke, no fair!" laughed Mattie, pointing her finger at them.
"Neither was making fun of Harm's preference to remain in a state of undress" Mac replied. "He was only a baby. I bet he liked to do that so all the little girl babies could see what a cute round six he had."
"Mac!" he exclaimed, blushing to a gorgeous shade of red as he picked Ainsley back up.
Mac batted her eyes at him, "Yes dear?"
"Don't talk about my six in front of my mom!" he said in a loud whisper, fully intending for everyone to hear it.
"Why?" Trish asked. "I diapered and powdered it for almost three years."
"Mom!" he exclaimed, turning to her with the same bright red look on his face. "Here, take your granddaughter and hush!" he laughed as he handed Ainsley over to her.
Trish took the baby and held her close to her chest. She hadn't really held her since she'd been admitted to the hospita,l so when she felt her granddaughter's weight in her arms she was hit with a myriad of emotions - thankfulness, happiness, and remorse among them. She tipped Ainsley's little ear up close to her lips and whispered very softly, "Nana's sorry, Baby." Only Ainsley heard her, and as if to accept her apology gurlged and rubbed her cheek against Trish's shirt.
"Where's grandpa?" asked Mattie. "I thought he'd be back up by now. I know he wants to hold her."
"Did someone say Grandpa?" Frank asked entering Ainsley's room. "Oh, wow. She's awake huh?" He walked over to Trish and reached out to tickle Ainsley's belly. In response she pulled up her knees and cooed.
"She's awake and doing great" said Harm. "We were beginning to think you got lost someplace."
"I ran into Irene in the corridor. So I thought that would be the best time to see to her compensation" Frank explained.
"Ah, okay" nodded Harm. "Thanks again for-"
Harm never got to finish when Frank interrupted. "Son, I said I wanted the best for her and I saw she got it. Don't think twice about it. I'm just glad she's well again."
"So are we" said Harm as Mac approached him and wrapped an arm around his waist.
Trish smiled and turned towards her husband. "Would you like to hold her a minute, dear?" she asked.
"Do you even have to ask?" replied Frank with a smile. "Come here, precious girl" he said as he walked over to take Ainsley from her grandmother. "Come see grandpa, yes, come see me."
"You missed all the hilarity, grandpa" said Mattie.
"Mattie" Mac warned. "We've embarrassed Harm enough."
"Oh, now this I must hear!" laughed Frank. "What'd I miss, Mats?"
"Oh, just Mac saying how Harm must have liked to lay around the house in his diaper and undershirt when he was a baby so that the girl babies could see how cute his round little six was, and..." She had to pause to catch her breath, laughter having consumed her again. "Then grandma said she'd diapered and powdered his six for three years, and you should've seen how red his face got! It was so funny!"
"Sorry I missed such a jovial time" laughed Frank, looking at his step-son, whose face was once again red.
"Can we please declare my six off limits as a topic of conversation?" laughed Harm.
"Okay, okay" Mac sighed. "Harm's had enough now so let's talk about something else." She kept her tone airy, the jovial nature of the topic lightening her heart. Ainsley must have sympathized with her father's plight, because she wiggled in Frank's arms and let out a cry.
"Oh, it's okay, Ainsley" said Frank, trying to calm the child by gently patting her back.
"Harm" Mac nodded to the baby, indicating he should take her.
"Here, I'll take her, Frank" said Harm, reaching out towards his daughter.
Frank transferred Ainsley to her daddy, who rushed to try and soothe her tears.
"We should probably head back to the house" said Frank to his wife. "We've got a lot of packing to do."
"Yes" Trish agreed, speaking louder over Ainsley's crying. "We'll see you again before we leave."
"Bye" Mac said to Trish and Frank. "Mats, you want to with Grandma?"
"Yeah, I think so" replied Mattie. "I need to clean my room. I left it in a mess the day of the wedding and haven't been in to clean it since."
"Okay, I'm glad you're taking care of that" Mac told her. "We won't be home tonight, but you can come with grandma and grandpa in the morning to help us take her home."
"You're both gonna stay the night here?" asked Mattie as she grabbed her purse and jacket.
"Yeah" Mac replied. "At least I am, I thought..." She looked at Harm, who was still very busy bouncing Ainsley, trying to calm her.
"Me, too" he said over the baby's increasing wails. "We'll check with you before we go to bed tonight, though."
"Okay, cool" she said, walking over to hug Mac, Harm and the baby. "See you tomorrow, Ainsley Bear" she said, the baby full-out howling by now. "Oh, I know, you're just fit to be tied, huh? Well, you'll have to tell it to them, because I'm outta here. Love you guys."
"Love you too, Honey" Mac said waving as Mattie walked out with Trish and Frank. "Be good."
"Speaking of being good" said Harm, "our little one here isn't."
"You want me to try?" she asked him, moving to take their daughter. "She shouldn't be hungry."
"Be my guest" he said, holding the baby out to Mac. "Nothing I'm trying is working."
Mac took the baby into her arms and patted her back. She stopped her tears almost instantly.
Looks like she's not as big a 'Daddy's Girl' as we thought" smiled Harm.
As if to make a liar out of him, Ainsley started up again.
Mac shifted Ainsley so she was lying sideways. That did it, Ainsley's mouth found Mac through her shirt and she started to take as much of said shirt into her little mouth as she could..
Mac sighed at Harm's frown. "Ah, we made daddy sad" she cooed to Ainsley. "Say, I'm your girl, daddy. You just aren't built like Mommy, that's all."
"Nope" laughed Harm, "you've got me beat there. How long has it been since you fed her last? I didn't think she'd be hungry yet."
"She shouldn't be" Mac replied. "It's only 1612; she shouldn't be hungry for another hour."
"I'm not sure she cares what the clock says, babe" he said. "She sure acts like she's hungry."
"Okay, baby" Mac soothed. "Let's see if you're hungry or just want something to suck on, hmm? Go to daddy like a good girl while mommy gets ready for you."
"Come here, sweet girl" said Harm, gently taking the baby from her mother's arms. He held her close and rubbed her back as she began to howl at the top of her lungs, clearly upset over being taken away from Mac.
Mac hurried to undo her blouse and her bra. "Okay" she said to Harm and held out her arms for her screaming daughter. She held her to her breast and to her surprise Ainsley latched on and began to nurse, though not as hard as she had done in times past.
"Guess she was hungry after all, huh?" asked Harm.
"Maybe" Mac replied. "She's taking milk, but she's not in any hurry."
Mac leaned back in the rocker and rested her head against thecushion. "I think she just wanted the comfort" she told him, her voice losing strength and her rocking slowing.
She was exhausted, he knew that. He also knew she needed some sleep or soon she'd have no energy left at all. "Close your eyes, Mac" said Harm softly. He knelt next to her chair and slowly stroked the top of her head, just beside where her hair parted. "Go ahead, close them; it's okay."
"I have to stay awake...the baby needs..." she protested.
"Ssh, no, listen to me" he whispered. "You need to take a nap. You've gotten almost no sleep for the past 2 nights and it's catching up with you. She'll be fine; in fact she'll probably sleep, too."
"But what about you?" she asked, rapidly losing her battle for consciousness as his fingers continued to stroke the place he always could to put her to sleep.
"I'm okay, babe" he said quietly. "I'll sleep tonight, but you need to get a little now or when everyone comes by tonight, you'll be a zombie."
"But...what if she needs me to rock her or...I can't...sleep now" she protested again, his hand motions lulling her into a sleep she didn't want to embrace. She moved her head. "Stop that, you're going to put me out."
"I know" he said softly, his hands following her head as she tried to get away from him. "Don't fight it, babe. Just close your eyes...and relax a little...and before you know it..."
"Mmm" she sighed softly in answer as she finally succumbed to sleep.
Harm looked down at Ainsley, who had fallen asleep in Mac's arms. "You need to sleep, too, little girl" he said. "We've all had a rough couple of days."
He carefully picked the baby up from Mac's lap, pulling her blouse back over the front of her body. "There" he said softly, "mommy's all set, let's get you back in your bed, okay?" He laid Ainsley into the crib and pulled one of her blankets over her. "Sleep tight, beautiful" he said, leaning in to kiss her cheek before going to find a blanket for Mac.
He went to the nurses station and got a blanket, and returned to place it over Mac, who was sound asleep in the rocking chair, as he hoped she'd remain for awhile. With both mother and baby napping, Harm decided to take a walk through the halls to stretch his aching back.
As he rounded the corner near the elevator, his back aching and legs following suit, he heard a familiar voice call his name.
"Mr. Rabb" Dr. Cameron called. "How's our little patient?"
"Oh, she's great, doc" replied Harm with a smile. "She's been awake a lot today, nursing like a champ, smiling and laughing, she's so much better than she was yesterday."
"Good to hear" he replied. "I'm going to be by to check on her in a little while. How's Mrs. Rabb?"
"Exhausted" said Harm. "She's asleep in the rocker in Ainsley's room right now."
"Good" he replied. "Nursing mother's need a lot of sleep and a good amount of nutrients to keep them healthy. We don't want her to get sick next. Is she eating better?"
"Not really just yet" said Harm, "but I'm working on that. She's been really worried and stressed this last few days, but believe me under normal circumstances, she's got no problem eating!"
"That's good, but she needs to eat at least six times a day until Ainsley gets back on her regular feeding schedule. Not big meal, but something. What about you? Your step is favoring the right."
"Oh, that" said Harm. "My back's been acting up for a couple days. Stepped wrong off a steep landing and tweaked it. Happens a time or two a year. I'll be alright."
"Are you sure?" he asked. "I could take a look. I'm no orthropod but still," he offered.
"Thanks, but I'm alright" insisted Harm. "I've seen the orthropod in the past, had all the x-rays and the MRI and the whole shooting match. I've got some compressed discs and one that's herniated a bit."
"You should be out flat with your legs elevated" the doctor scolded. "And I get the feeling you know that."
Harm looked sheepishly at the floor. "Yeah, I do" he answered. "It just hasn't been possible with all this. I'll do it when we get Ainsley back home, though."
"Are you staying with her tonight or just Mrs. Rabb?" he asked.
"We both are" said Harm. "That's not a problem, is it?"
"Not at all. I'll arrange for you to have some cots and I'll see what I can do about a backboard for you, how's that?" Dr. Cameron suggested. "My brother was in the Air Force, he has a similar problem. How did you manage to do this?"
"One too many punch outs" replied Harm. "I fly Tomcats in the Navy."
"Well, I'll be" Dr. Cameron smiled. "You and Dan would get on famously then. You need anything for the pain?"
Harm thought for a moment. "You know, that'd actually be great. I left mine at home and I'm wishing I'd remembered to bring them right about now." He put his hand on his lower back and turned his upper body carefully.
"No, no, no" Dr. Cameron scolded. "Don't do that. That only pulls the disc even more. I'll see what I can do about some Naproxen for you and I'll arrange a hydraulic heat pad, an ointment, and a back board for tonight. I know how those backaches can be."
"Thanks, doc" said Harm, moving carefully so as not to get reprimanded again. "I'd really appreciate it."
"I'll arrange those items, and myfriend in ERcan probably handle the script for the Naproxen, but she might want to take a look at you" Dr. Cameron advised.
"If she must, that'll be alright" agreed Harm. "I think the stress of what happened with the baby is making it worse this time."
"Tell you what, let's take a walk down there now, let her poke you so she can say she did, and get it fixed up so Mrs.Rabb has a little less to fret about" Dr. Cameron offered.
"Okay" replied Harm. "Let me tell the nurses that I'm going down there in case they need to find me or if Mac wakes up and wonders where I am."
"Certainly," Dr. Cameron said. "Try not to favor the right side."
Harm left word with the nurses saying only he was going with Dr. Cameron for a stroll, he didn't want to say the words Emergency Room. It would scare Mac.
"Alright" he said as he returned to the doctor's side, "let's go."
Over an hour later, it was a slightly disgruntled Harm that emerged from the ER. While he was there he'd hadthe bandage on his wrist changed, his back poked and prodded, and had finally received his script for painkillers. He was on his way to the pharmacy when he heard Bud Roberts call out to him.
"Commander Rabb!"
"Hey, Bud" said Harm, making sure he moved very gingerly. "Good to see you."
"Hello, Sir" Harriet greeted. "How's the baby? Where's Mac? Why are you coming out of the emergency room?"
"Baby's fine, Mac's sleeping, and I needed something for this crippling pain in my back" answered Harm.
"What happened to your back?" Bud asked as they made their way over to the elevator.
"I stepped wrong coming off the USS Lexington" answered Harm, "you know, the WWII ship in Corpus Christi? I pulled it there, aggravated the same old stuff and all this stress with Ainsley hasn't done much to help it."
Bud winced in sympathy and when Harm reached out to punch the elevator button with his bandaged hand, Harriet asked, "What happened to your wrist, Sir?"
"Oh, that" he said, pulling his sweater sleeve back over the bandage. "Uh, it's nothing, little cut."
"Pretty large wrap for a little cut, Sir?" Bud pressed.
"Okay" said Harm as the elevator arrived and the doors opened for them to step inside. "It's a little cut that needed a few stitches, but it happened a few days ago and it's fine, honest."
"How'd you manage to need stitches on your honeymoon?" Harriet asked.
Harm knew there was probably no escaping this one. "If you really must know" he said to Harriet, "those oh-so-cute little fuzzy handcuffs you gave to Mac", he held up his wrist, "notexactly my favorite toy."
"Oh no" Bud gasped and started to laugh. "We're sorry, Sir."
"Yeah, I bet you are" said Harm with a smile and a little laugh. "I had to get twelve stitches in my wrist thanks to you two jokesters, so you go right ahead and yuck it up all you want, just keep it between the four of us, please?"
"No problem" Harriet promised. "Right Bud?"
Bud was still laughing so Harriet asked more about the baby. "How's Mac taking Ainsley being in the hospital?"
"About as well as you'd expect, I suppose" said Harm. "She's pretty upset with my mom, but I can understand that. She'll get over it in time."
"Of course she will" Harriet comforted. "If you need me to talk to her, mother to mother, just say the word."
"Thanks" said Harm as the elevator stopped on the 2nd floor, where the pharmacy was located, "I'll remember that. You guys can go on up to Ainsley's room if you'd like, I need to get this script filled first."
"We'll keep you company, Sir" Bud offered. "Let the Colonel sleep a little bit."
"Okay, sure" said Harm, walking slowly and carefully towards the drop-off window. The clerk took his prescription slip, looked it over and noticed a little info was missing.
"Date of birth, Sir?" the clerk asked.
"It's not on there?" asked Harm. Of course he could have simply told her October 25, 1963, but he was baffled that it wasn't already on the slip.
"No, Sir. And neither is your address" the girl replied. "I can't fill it without that information. I'll also need to see proof of ID and your insurance card."
"Oh, holy hell" muttered Harm as he carefully moved his right arm around to reach his wallet. He fished out his driver's license and insurance card and handed them to the clerk. "Everything you need should be on one of those" he said, his back hurting worse than before.
"Thank you, Sir" she replied and began to run the information into the computer. Meanwhile Bud and Harriet looked on with concern. Bud approached Harm, "Sir, are you all right?"
Harm nodded unconvincingly. "Yeah, I've just been on my feet too long today, and that exam earlier was NOT fun."
"Should I go for the Colonel?" Bud asked.
"Sir, I need to list a next of kin on the records" the clerk stated.
"Oh for the love of..." grumbled Harm. "Sarah Rabb, my wife."
"Is it Sarah, S-A-R-A-H or S-A-R-A?" asked the clerk as she stood in front of her computer.
"S-A-R-A-H" answered Harm, concentrating on taking deep breaths as the pain got worse.
"Do you have any allergies to any medication, to eggs, or to aspirin?" she asked.
"Not that I'm aware of" said Harm, trying not to take out his pain and frustration on the clerk, who was just doing her job. "How long will it take you to fill this for me?"
"I just need a bit more information, Sir" she replied. "Have you ever had an addiction to alcohol, sleep aids, or any narcotic?"
"No" he replied.
"Okay, we're nearly done here" the clerk said going down the list. "Are you pregnant of nursing?"
At hearing that question and witnessing the look on Harm's face, Bud snorted a laugh which ended in a groan as Harriet jabbed him.
"Somehow I doubt it" answered Harm, fast losing his last ounce of patience. "I'm a man, miss, or does it not say that on my driver's license?" He spat the last two words with a little more disgust than he really meant to, but he was in a lot of pain and just wanted his meds, not this silly run-around.
"I'm sorry, Sir"replied the clerk, clearly embarrassed. "Okay, let me run the insurance information through the computer and I'll get your medication."
"Thank you" said an exasperated Harm as he walked slowly to the waiting area and took a seat next to Bud.
"How are you feeling Sir?" Bud asked.
"Pretty damn awful to be honest" said Harm.
"I'm sorry, Sir" Harriet smiled in sympathy.
"Mr. Rabb?" the clerk called.
Harm breathed a disgusted sigh. "Yes?"
"There's a problem of with your insurance. We don't accept this particular plan. You'll have to pay for the script in full and submit to the insurance company for reimbursement."
"It's a universal government plan" said Harm, his voice low and monotone. "It's good everywhere. Check your computer again."
"We don't accept government HMOs" the clerk replied.
Harm had taken all he could tolerate. "Okay, fine, I'll pay for it, just fill it so I can take it and get rid of the blinding pain in my back." He turned to Bud and muttered the remainder of his thought, "to say nothing of getting out of here, which will do wonders for the pain in my ass..."
Bud almost laughed again, but a glare from his wife cut him down. "That will be $384.19, Sir. Cash, credit, or check?"
"Credit" answered Harm through a clenched jaw. "Here, Bud" he said, handing over his credit card, "take that up there for me and bring me the receipt to sign, please."
"Sure thing, Sir" replied Bud.
A few minutes later Bud had the receipt and the script signed, sealed and delivered. "We better get upstairs before the Colonel wakes up," Harriet told him.
"Yeah" agreed Harm, "I didn't intend to be gone this long."
"She said to explain to you that the pills may cause drowsiness so you shouldn't drive or operate any heavy machinery while taking them" Bud replied.
"Yeah, yeah" said Harm, "it's the same thing they tell me every time I take this, and it never makes me drowsy. Thanks for passing along the message, though."
"Aye, Sir," Bud replied. "Let's get upstairs."
The group made their way upstairs to the Pediatric unit, Harm taking each step after they got off the elevator carefully as not to make the pain worse than it all ready was. As they walked towards Ainsley's room, they heard Mac's voice call out, edged with a hint of fear. "Harm!"
"Uh-oh" he said, unable to walk any faster but trying anyway.
"Be careful, Sir" Harriet warned, but he didn't listen. He ignored the pain and hurried to Mac; Bud and Harriet close behind.
He was just about to the door when he heard it again. "Harm!"
I'm here, babe" he said as soon as he got through Ainsley's door. "I'm here, I'm here."
She was breathing hard, having been frightened by waking up alone. "Where were you?" she asked. "Was I asleep? How's the baby?"
Harm looked over into the crib, where his daughter was still sleeping peacefully. "She's fine" he said, "still sacked out. You had a good nap there, Marine. I was gone for awhile and you just now came to."
"I was..." Her eyeslooked upon his sweaty face, and her features fell. "Honey, what's wrong with you? You're soaked."
He heard her question, but decided to get around to answering it later. "Bud and Harriet are here" he said.
"Hi" Mac smiled and rose to greet her friends. "Thanks so much for coming."
And that began a night of friendly chatter for the young couples, interrupted only by Ainsley's incessant demands to be fed almost every ninety minutes, and Admiral Chegwidden's arrival.
Finally, visiting hours had ended, and two cots with backboard and hydraulic pad were delivered at Dr. Cameron's request. Mac laid Ainsley in her crib while Harm was in the men's room changing into more comfortable clothing for the night. When he returned, the pinched look was back. "Okay, time to spill it Flyboy. What's wrong?"
"My back's killing me, babe" he answered. "Hence the reason all this fancy stuff was sent up; Dr. Cameron ordered it for me."
"How bad?" she asked.
"Worse than ever" he said, carefully taking a seat on the edge of his cot.
"Want me to help you get in the bed?" she asked. "Did he say you should or shouldn't do anything?" she asked worried. "We don't want Ainsley's daddy hurting. She'll be very upset."
Harm smiled a little. "Yeah, can you help me slide around here? There should be some lotion or ointment or something that he ordered, do you see it anywhere?"
Mac gently lifted Harm's legs and helped him push back. "Yeah, its with this funny looking brown thing. What is that?"
"I have absolutely no idea" Harm chuckled. "It could be that heat pad thing, or some kind of dirty hand puppet."
"Have you taken that medication yet, Flyboy?" she asked with a laugh.
"Not the second dose" he replied. "I wanted to be alert, in case. Why don't you find out what that is? I'll use anything to get rid of this pain."
"Alright, honey" she agreed, and kissed his forehead before leaving to ask the nurse what the contraption was. Ten minutes later she returned with the brown pad wrapped in several towels. "The hot pack. They have to microwave it. Can you roll on your side for me?"
"Okay" he said, gingerly rolling onto his left side.
Mac slipped the pad underneath him. "Okay, roll back" she instructed. "She said to leave it on for fifteen minutes. Then I have to rub that gel on you."
"Mmmm, that'll be fun, huh?" smirked Harm with a gleam in his eye.
She gently smacked him. "No funny ideas there, Flyboy. Now, you owe me a few explanations."
"Yeah, I do, huh?" he answered.
"Yes you do" she scolded. "Why didn't you tell me how much you were hurting before?" she asked.
"It just got really bad this afternoon" he said. "I'm not sure exactly what set it off, but right after you fell asleep and I put Ainsley in her bed, it was killing me. That's when I went for a walk and ran into Dr. Cameron and he sent me downstairs."
"Downstairs?" she queried. "Lift your legs up a bit. The nurse said to elevate your legs."
"Mm-hmm" he answered as he lifted his legs a bit so she could slide a pillow underneath them. "He sent me to the ER while you were sleeping, so another doctor could check things out. She said it's the same thing as always, the compressed disk is pressing against the herniated one and everything is inflamed.She's the one whogave me the script for thepain killers, though filling it was almost more painful than the disaster area known as my lower back."
"Poor Flyboy" she cooed with a little frown. "I'm sorry."
"I know you are, sweetie" he said, reaching over to take hold of her hand. "I'm sorry to be like this right now. You've got enough to do taking care of the baby."
"Don't worry about it" she scolded. "I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. I've been a pretty lousy Marine, but that's changing, don't worry."
You haven't been a lousy anything, Mac" he said, caressing her hand with his thumb.
"You're in pain and all I've been doing is crying and whining being all irrational" she shook her head. "Look at before. I wake up and I mean...I'm..."
"You didn't know where I was" he said softly. "If I were in your place, I would have called for you, too."
"For all I knew you were in the head and I got all crazy" she sighed. "You don't need that now. You need me to be strong now, you've shouldered so much the last few days."
"So have you, Mac" he said. "We're a team, remember? When one hurts, we both hurt. What burdens you, burdens me." He brought her hand to his lips and gave it a kiss.
"I don't deserve you" she smiled and leaned her head against his chest. "I love you so much."
"Mmm...I love you too" he said, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. "Earlier today, when you were talking to Ainsley and you told her she could never do anything to make us stop loving her or to leave her, were did that come from, babe?"
"It's not important" she replied. "Like I said, I was being silly."
"No, Mac" he said, "I know when you're being silly and I know when you're speaking from your heart, and that was definitely the latter. You can tell me; its okay."
"I guess it came from growing up the way I did" she replied. "I always felt that I had to work for their approval you know. If I did everything the best, if I did exactly what they asked, then they'd love me and stop fighting, then dad would love me and stop drinking, then mom would love me...and would have stayed." She said the last bit so quietly he barely heard her.
He put his arm around her as tightly as he could given his condition. "Don't let what happened to you" he said, "all the sadness and the pain and the loneliness, don't let that creep into what you have now; what we have now. I know its part of who you are, but just like my dad's disappearance and death are part of who I am, we need to leave it all in the back of our hearts so we can soak up every minute of the present. We deserve that, Mac. We deserve to live without the pain that followed us for so long."
"I know, but..sometimes I'm so scared that..." she replied.
"Mac, Mac" he said tenderly, "if you think for an iota of a second that you'll doanything like your parents did to you, thenit's only fitting to tell you that I think you're certifiably nuts." He smiled as he waited for her to look up at him.
When she did she had a smile on her face and a few tears dripping down her cheeks.
"No crying" he whispered, wiping the teardrops as they fell.
"I'm good at crying these days, since the baby, all these hormones and all" she smiled. "How's that back feeling?"
"Better" he replied. "If you'll bring me that pill bottle over there, I'll take the next dose and you can rub that...whatever it is on me."
"Okay, sweetheart" she replied and went to retrieve his pain killers.
Mac returned a few moments later with the bottle of pills and some water. "Here you go. It says it may cause drowsiness, so if you're tired, don't fight it."
Harm laughed a little as he took the bottle and the water. "I'm tired, but these things never knock me out like everyone says they can. I wish they would, though."
"In another six minutes, I can rub that cream on for you and maybe that will relieve some of the pain" she said tenderly. "Is it just you back or is it radiating? I remember when my Uncle Matt threw his back out, he couldn't walk for two weeks."
"It's mostly my back" said Harm, laying back against the pillow, "but today I've felt it creeping into my legs. It sucks."
In reply to that she pulled back his covers. "Thighs?"
"Hey, give those back!" he said, reaching towards the sheet and blanket she'd removed from his lower body.
"Okay" she sighed. "If you don't want me to rub the pain out I don't have to."
"Well..." he thought for a moment. "No, go ahead, see what you can do. I haven't hurt this bad in a long time. I don't recall it ever spreading beyond my back like it has this time."
"Its probably because you didn't rest it like you should have" she told him taking some of the cream from the bin and applying it to his thighs. "Pain's along the nerves right?"
"Mm-hmm" he said.
"Let me know if I hurt you" she replied as she started to massage the soft skin of this right leg. "Right here?" She ran her hand down the center of his thigh, in between his hip and his knee.
"Ah! Yeah, there." he said as she worked the cream into his leg. "Ow...ow...ow.."
"Ssh" she crooned. "I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry." She lessened her touch just a bit.
"It's okay" he said. "This really hurts this time. I must have way overdone it. Actually, I know I did."
"Well, you'll learn your lesson for next time, won't you Sailor?" she asked him, leaning over to place a kiss on the spot she's touched before he'd cried out. "Better?"
"A little" he said. "What's in that stuff, anyway? It feels funky."
"I have no idea, it says Lidocaine cream" she replied. "Funky how?"
"Like, half-numb funky" he said. "I guess it's supposed to kill the pain that way, which is fine by me."
"Is it just the leg with the cream?" she asked calmly, knowing that back injuries were nothing to play around with.
"Oh, yeah" he answered. "Believe me, I have total feeling in the other one."
"Okay" she smiled. "The right one doing alright for now?"
He nodded. "Yeah, growing more numb by the second, which I must say isn't all that bad."
"Okay, I'll move on to the other one then" she told him, then laughed a bit.
"What's so funny?" he asked.
"My hands are numb" she replied, fumbling with the cream tube as she put some on his left leg. "Is the back of your legs worse than the front? If so, when you roll I'll do you back and legs there too."
"I wouldn't say the backs are worse than the front" he said, "but they need to be done."
"Okay" she replied and started massaging the cream into his left leg.
"Can we talk about something while you're doing this?" he asked her.
"Sure" she replied. "Anythingin particular?" she asked, only to be interrupted by a few whimpers from Ainsley.
"She awake?" he asked as Mac leaned over the end of her cot to peek into the crib.
"She's stirring"replied Mac. "Want me to get her for you to cuddle or see if she soothes herself."
"Leave her there for now" he answered. "If she really gets fussy, then I'll take her."
"Probably a good idea" she replied as the baby let out another set of tiny whimpers then settled down again. "So what do you want to talk about?"
He took a deep breath. "We need to talk about what our plan is for the next baby" he said. "I get the feeling that you're already feeling pressure to start trying again because of all the complications we've got to contend with, and I'm just not there yet. Can we talk about this tonight?"
"If you want to" she replied. "Although it seems you've already made up your mind." She ran her hand down the muscle of his left leg, pressing on a knot she felt there and pulling down trying to release the tension there.
"Ah, ow!" he gasped.
"Hurts there?" she asked. "The muscle is all tangled up. You probably stressed it out walking around here all day. Go on, babe; say what's on your mind."
"It's not that I've made up my mind, per se" he said, "I just think we need to talk about this, see exactly where each of us is at, and try to reach some common ground. It's such a major decision, you know? We have to be in agreement on it. Can you imagine going through all that again and not being 100 percent together on it? We can't do that to ourselves."
"No we can't" she said. "So where are you on it?" She removed her hands from his left leg. "Roll over if you can."
Carefully, slowly he rolled onto his stomach. "I want more kids" he said, "that's a given. I also don't want to wait too long with everything being the way it is with all the medical stuff we have to work around. I just...I dunno. It feels like just last week we found out you were pregnant with Ainsley - Ooh, a little to the left, babe - and now we're talking about when to dive back into all the tests and procedures and appointments and waiting and hoping and - it's an awful lot to handle, and I'm not sure I'm quite ready for it yet. That said, though, where are you on all this?"
"I want tohave another baby" she told him. "I had this terrible nightmare the other night."
"Oh, babe, I'm sorry" he said. "Tell me about it."
"Well, Ainsley was walking, I know that and she was talking a little bit. We were trying for so long and I had to do these shots...my hips were swollen and it hurt and you were...you were so disappointed because it looked like we'd never have another child. Then...things started to get bad between us and we would fight and...I...I'm afraid if we wait too long that could become a reality."
Harm was silent for a moment as he processed what she was telling him. "I don't ever want us to fight about this" he said, turning his head so he could see her face. "I know, though, that this kind of thing can cause problems between two people. Hell, some marriages don't survive it; I know that. That's one reason we really need to talk our feelings through on this; we need to lay it all out for us both to see and then together we can decide what we feel most comfortable doing."
"I think I see where you stand" Mac replied calmly. "You want to wait."
"Honestly, right now" he said, "yeah, I do. But that's just based on things from my point of view, babe, that's not to say I can't be led to see things differently under the right circumstances."
"I don't want to wait. I'm afraid we'll lose our window if we do" she replied. "If we...I want to give you a son." She ran her hand along his spine over the defective area, then back down and then back up.
"Oh, ow...ow...ow" he said. "You have no idea how bad this hurts."
"Just a little longer, honey. I've got to get the cream in" she replied. "I'm sorry." A wail from Ainsley's crib drowned out her apology.
"She hungry?" he asked, his back throbbing.
"Nope" Mac replied. "She's upset."
"Poor baby" he said. "We'll give her a couple minutes and see if she calms back down. She usually does."
"She knows her daddy doesn't feel good" Mac told him. "Bite down, honey. I'm going to go as fast as I can." She squeezed more cream into her hands and ran the heels down the sides of his spine.
"Oh, shit! That hurts!" he said through his clenched jaw as she worked on his back.
"I know, but if I don't get the cream in it won't help" she soothed. "Its okay." Ainsley obviously didn't think so.
"You can get her if you need to, babe" he said as the baby continued to cry.
"Let's give her a few more minutes" Mac replied. "I think once we relax, she'll relax. She loves her daddy very much." She released her touch and gently kissed the injured area. "And so do I."
He began to relax just a little as the cream started to take effect. "Back to the discussion at hand, babe" he said, "I guess maybe right now isn't the best time to try and make such a big decision. We're tired, we're stressed and I'm more doped up than I've been since, well, since the last time I spent the night in a hospital. Let's table it until maybe next week sometime, when we're in better shape to be productive with it. I really want to hear what you have to say, I'm just not at my best right now."
"Well, I've made one definitive decision already Harm," Mac told him. "And I'm not going to budge on it so I might as well tell you."
"Uh, okay" he said, not sure what was about to come his way.
"I've decided that before either of us get set on anything we should go see Dr. Kendall and get a prognosis. Then based on that, we can decided to wait or not" she replied. "Is that fair?"
"Yeah" he answered with a smile. "I can work with that, babe. And Mac?"
"What?" she asked softly, glad that Ainsley seemed to have self soothed back to sleep. "Am I hurting you?"
"Oh, no, no, it's not that" he said softly. "I just wanted to tell you that no matter what happens, I love you like crazy."
She leaned over and pressed her cheek to his upper back. "Me too, daddy, me too. Can you roll over again?" she asked. "I need you to do something for me."
"I'll try" he said, working his arms underneath his upper body and moving more slowly and carefully than he had all night. "There" he said once he was flat on his back.
"Good job," she replied then slid in next to him. "Now, would you let me hold you? Please."
"Gladly" he answered, opening his arms up so she could snuggle in close.
She put her arms across his waist and rested her cheek on his chest. "Feel any better at all? Do you think I'll need to get you a medical leave?" she fretted.
"I'm not sure just yet" he replied. "I'm feeling some better right now, but I damn sure couldn't go to work like this, drugged and numb. It's kind of relaxing, though."
"Alright" she sighed, feeling exhausted and relaxed in his arms. "We'll take it...one…day at…a time."
Harm looked down at his wife, who was sound asleep, her head against his shoulder. "Goodnight, my love" he whispered, kissing the top of her head before closing his eyes.
A/N: Please take a second and let me know what you thought! I'm especially interested in what you thought was the funniest part, assuming you found any of it funny. :)