Disclaimer: Love it if they were mine, but they're not...
A/N: Big thanks to all my reviewers for taking the time to let me know what you think - I appreciate it! More big thanks and a super sized hug to my friend LadyCommish for nudging along the muse when it gets stuck in various places. As stated in the last chapter's notes, the final chapter of this story is mentally written, but we're still a little ways from getting there. I hope you're enjoying these latest chapters and the different kinds of issues that our beloved characters have found themselves in. Originally, I thought I might wrap the story once the baby was born (some 30 plus chapters ago!), but it's clearly taken on a life of its own and I'm enjoying putting the Rabb's into some different situations that I feel they could be faced with in "real life". It can be a challenge finding a balance between the drama, the angst and the super shippery fluff, but I'm trying!
Hope you like it:)
Chapter 73:
About three hours later, Pediatric Nurse Teresa Faulkner walked into Ainsley's room to check her vital signs. She made it over the threshold when she spied Ainsley's parents, a sweet couple from her limited acquaintance with them. He was a handsome man, and was laying on his back his chin resting on her hair. She was on her side, pressed against him, her cheek on his chest and her hand just over his heart. "Sherri" she whispered to the other floor nurse. "Come here a minute."
"What?" asked Sherri. "Something wrong?"
"No" Teresa replied. "I just wanted you see how sweet this is. Look." She indicated Harm and Mac entwined, breathing in sync with each other.
"Oh, that's too adorable" said Sherri quietly. "They must be the most perfect couple ever. Have you gotten to talk with them much at all?"
"Not too much, but interested in the rumor mill?" she asked.
"Is the sky blue?" asked Sherri. "Come on, spill it!"
"Well, from what I hear, he's a Naval Aviator turned JAG lawyer and she's a Marine JAG. They met at work, were best friends, then she got diagnosed with...um, I think Patty said endometriosis. Somehow or other, they decided to have a baby together and I guess the rest is history."
"Wow!" exclaimed Sherri, careful to keep her enthusiasm quiet on account of the sleeping folks nearby. "That's so romantic...she's one very lucky woman!"
"Lisa says that they were both secretly in love for years, and when she finally got pregnant they decided to get married. They were on their honeymoon and his mother gave the baby formula when she's on breast milk" Teresa said. "That's why they're here. I also heard that she is very upset with her mother-in-law over the whole mess."
"Where do you get all this stuff?" asked Sherri. "I'm always on the lookout for good gossip, and somehow I missed all this!"
"I was in the ladies room before and heard Irene talking about it" Teresa replied. "No names, of course, but I figured out who she meant. I'd better check the baby. I hope she sleeps through; they both have to be exhausted.
"I'm sure they are" agreed Sherri. "Do we know when the baby was fed last?"
"Chart says it was 1045. It's 313 now" she replied.
"Hmm, I wouldn't put money on her sleeping through" replied Sherri. "That's a long time for such a little tummy."
Ainsley surprised the nursing staff that night though, not waking at all to cry for a feeding or a new diaper. Instead she awoke at a little past six and looked around the large room, alert and interested. This place was very bright, and this crib very big and scary. She looked about more and her gaze fell on her mommy and daddy. If they were here it was okay, she decided and continued to look at her parents as she exercised her little legs, lifting them up and down and up and down.
Her belly was empty and her bottom was wet, and she needed both taken care of. She screwed up her face to let out a long wail. "AAAhhh. AAAhhh."
Harms eyes fluttered open as his daughter's cries registered in his mind. "Oh, ouch!" he muttered as he went to move his legs. He looked over at Mac and saw she was still crashed out next to him. "Okay, okay baby girl" he said as he tried again to move his legs. "I'm coming. Daddy's coming."
Hearing her Daddy's voice and seeing him move, Ainsley settled down a bit to mewls instead of cries.
With a great deal of difficulty and an equal amount of pain, Harm managed to get up off the cot and over to Ainsley's crib. "Hey, beautiful" he said, smiling at the fussy baby as he picked her up. "Come here. I'm willing to bet you're wet and hungry, huh?" He felt her diaper from the outside. "Yep, very wet. Let's get you changed, and then we'll wake mommy up so you can munch, okay?"
Being in her Daddy's arms settled Ainsley a bit. She loved her Daddy; he was big and strong and made her feel happy and safe. She squiggled to nestle closer to him.
"I'm so glad you feel better, sweet girl" said Harm as he laid Ainsley back into the crib to change her diaper. A couple moments later, she was clean and dry and very ready for breakfast. "Now for the fun part" smiled Harm to his baby as he carried her over to where Mac lay sound asleep. "Mac" he said in a normal tone.
Mac stirred a bit but didn't wake.
"Mac" he repeated in the same tone as before, hoping she'd hear him the second time around.
Mac stretched a bit and gave a tiny moan. "What?" she asked, opening her eyes to see Harm and the baby sitting beside her. "What...its 0623! Oh..." She gasped as she registered Ainsley's hungry cry. "Are you hungry baby girl? Are you hungry?"
"I'm thinking yes" said Harm as he held the baby in his arms. "She went a long time since her last feeding, that's amazing."
Mac reached to take Ainsley from Harm. "You slept through the night. Yes, you did" Mac cooed to her. "Mommy is so proud of you. How are you doing, babe?" she asked Harm as she put Ainsley to her breast to feed.
"I'm hurting" he said. "Where did my meds end up?"
"Next to your cot" she replied. "Did you get any sleep at all?"
"Yeah, some" he said, walking slowly around to the other side of the cots. "You were out long before I was, though."
"I'm sorry" she apologized. "But mommy was so tired. Yes she was, baby girl. And did you know daddy has a boo-boo?" she asked. "Yes...I'll put the ointment on again before we leave to go home if you want."
"Yeah" said Harm before popping two pills into his mouth and taking a big drink of water. "I'm almost hurting worse today than I was before, I think."
"Maybe you should stay in bed after we get home" she suggested. "Let me take care of things with her. And if you aren't better tomorrow, I want you to see a doctor at Bethesda, someone who works with pilots."
"Believe it or not" he said as he carefully eased himself into the rocking chair, "I won't fight you on any of that this time. I'm pretty miserable."
Mac frowned. "Poor Flyboy."
She disconnected Ainsley from her right breast. "I think she's done for the moment. Do you want to burp her?"
"Bring me my girl" he said happily, holding his arms out to take her.
Mac slipped out of bed and brought Ainsley over to Harm so he didn't have to move. "Here we go, daddy" she said. "While you've got her I have to pee."
"Go for it" he said as he placed his daughter against his shoulder and began to pat her back.
"I'm going to change too" she said. "Don't move too much" she ordered.
"I'll try not to, babe" he assured her.
Harm spoke softly to Ainsley as he patted a gentle hand against her little back. "I'm glad your back feels better than daddy's does" he said. "Don't worry, though, this happens once in awhile, this thing with daddy's back; but I'll be just fine. Your mommy takes real good care of us, huh? Yes, she sure does. Mommy gave daddy his medicine last night, and rubbed some really weird stuff all over his back. It helped, though, it sure did. Are you gonna burp any time this week, Miss Ainsley Rose? Hmm?"
Finally the baby gave a tiny burp and rubbed her forehead against her Daddy's neck, cooing contentedly. Harm nuzzled his face against the top of the baby's head, wishing that she could somehow stay that little forever.
The door to Ainsley's room opened just then, and Harm lifted his face up expecting to see Mac. What he saw was his worse nightmare. "Mr. Rabb" Dr. Susan McKay spoke as she entered the room. "Did we or did we not have a conversation last night about sitting in chairs without pillows?"
He sighed. Of all the people he wanted to see just then, she wasn't among them. "We did" he said, "I just forgot this time, that's all."
"You can't forget, Mr. Rabb" she scolded. "If you 'forget', you won't be able to walk pretty soon." She moved closer. "She's beautiful."
Harm's face was immediately graced with what Mac called his "daddy gleam", the one she'd told him about that night on the beach in Corpus Christi. "Thank you" he said. "I think so, but then I'm told I'm not a good source of unbiased opinion on the matter."
"I have four girls" she replied. "And if there isn't any other reason in the world to do as I have told you to do, she's it. Now...I'm on my way home and I wanted to examine you once more before I left."
"Alright" agreed Harm, figuring he was already in so much pain, another exam couldn't make it much worse. "I'm waiting for my wife to get out of the bathroom so she can finish feeding the little one here, then you can check me over."
"Check you over?" Mac inquired as she arrived dressed in her jeans and button down shirt. She extended her hand to the doctor. "I'm Sarah Rabb."
"Mrs. Rabb, nice to meet you. I'm Dr. McKay. I took care of your husband in ER yesterday and gave him some instructions it appears he's been" she made air quotes, "forgetting about."
Harm looked at Mac sheepishly. "I forgot to put a pillow in my chair. So sue me!"
"I also told you I didn't want you sitting up that much at all. The vertebrae have to have a chance to decompress so the disc can heal" she told them. "Now, if you'd be so kind as to hand this beauty to her mommy, I can examine you."
He nodded, holding the baby out towards Mac. "I take I you want me to lay down for this?" he asked Dr. McKay.
"You would be correct" she replied. "Mrs. Rabb, I can do this here if you'd like, I don't want to drag him down to ER if I don't have to. Would that bother you?"
"No, of course not" Mac replied. "I want to hear everything you've got to say."
Harm walked from the rocking chair back over to his cot and moved very creatively to get into position on his stomach. "Okay, doc" he said. "Let's get it over with."
The doctor rolled up the back of Harm's shirt and felt along his back where the pain was. "Swelling has increased" she sighed. "Any numbness in your legs at all? It would be in the area just above the knee."
"A tiny bit last night" he said, "but none right now."
"That was probably the cream" she said. "That's good." She pressed along the spine. "Pain here?"
"None moreso than when you're not pressing on it" he answered.
"Good" she replied. "Very good." She ran her hand down his legs. "Now the pain, does it radiate at all?"
"Some" he said. "Last night I could feel it in my legs a little, and it was hard to walk very far."
"And this morning?" she pressed.
"Not too much" he said. "I took my meds as soon as I got up, about 45 minutes ago, and they helped some, but there's still a minimal amount of pain in my right leg."
"Okay" she replied. "I've seen enough. I want you to continue the salve every four hours, take the Naproxen as needed, and we're looking at bed rest, six days. I'll write a note for your boss.
"Guess that answers that question, babe" he called to Mac.
"Guess so" she replied, hiking up Ainsley. "How serious is this?"
"It's a fairly common injury" said the doctor, "and if he listens to me he'll be pain free in ten to fourteen days. I mean bed rest, Mrs. Rabb. He lies down, he get up only to go to the bathroom, and he gets back in bed." With a flourish of her pen on a doctor's note, she left.
"This sucks" he said dejectedly before beginning to laugh a little.
"Yes, it does" Mac replied, "and I don't find your pain the least bit funny."
"Oh, trust me, babe" he said, "I'm not laughing at my pain. I'm just thinking about how it'll look to everyone at JAG when they hear I threw out my back on my honeymoon." He looked at her, eyes wide with mischief.
Even Mac laughed at that. "That will be interesting" she sighed as she disconnected Ainsley. "Daddy needs some love, baby girl" Mac told her. "Go to daddy." She laid the baby on her belly next to Harm. Ainsley moved her tiny hand and touched his arm. "Baa Baa Baa" she babbled.
Harm took the baby's hand and nibbled at her fingers, making her laugh. "Daddy loves it when you laugh, baby girl."
"Good morning, one and all" Dr. Cameron greeted. "I have Ainsley's discharge papers. Her labs look perfect and..." He peered at the laughing little girl, "and so does she. She's going to be fine. You can take her home whenever you're ready."
"Wonderful" said Harm. "You hear that, Ainsley? We get to go home!"
She wiggled closer to her father and continued to giggle.
Mac took the discharge papers from Dr. Cameron and signed them. "Doctor, can we have some help for Harm, a wheelchair or something?"
"I can walk, really" Harm insisted. "I'll lean the seat back in the car and let you drive, and I'll lay down as soon as we get home."
"Are you sure?" Mac asked. "You heard Dr. McKay."
"I know" he said, "but I'll be fine. We're not going that far."
Slowly but surely Harm, Mac and Ainsley made their way to the car. They'd called home and told Mattie since the baby was coming home there was no need to come to the hospital again. She also asked her to get down their heating pad and make sure that the bed was turned down. With Ainsley in her carrier and Harm's arm wrapped firmly around her waist, the small family left for home.
Harm rested in the car on the way, and Ainsley fell asleep halfway to their house. Mac pulled into the driveway, and spoke to Harm. "You wait for me to get her inside before you even think of moving" she ordered.
"Aye aye, ma'am" he replied with a mock salute and a huge smile.
"Don't play with me, Flyboy" she warned as she worked to take the baby out of the car. "I'm the warden for the next week. Don't make me have to cuff you to the bed. Remember what happened last time?"
"Aw, you wouldn't do that to me again, would you, babe?" he asked, his lower lip sticking out just a bit for dramatic effect.
"If you don't follow Dr. McKay's instructions to the letter, you bet your six I will" she told him. Her tone softened then as she spoke to Harm through their sleeping baby. "We just want daddy to get all better and be good as new, don't we, pumpkin?"
"I'll be a model patient this week, babe" he assured her. "You'll see. I'll do everything Dr. McKay told me to, and not do everything she said not to do, I promise."
"Promise me" she told him before holding Ainsley up to him, "Promise us."
He laughed a tiny laugh. "Well gee, Mac, you didn't have to pull out the big guns - you coulda just asked!" He reached out and tickled Ainsley's foot. "Tell mommy that I promise I'll be good and I'll do everything she says. Yes, I will."
The baby stirred and kicked her tiny foot, but remained asleep. "I'll be right back. Don't move."
Mac took Ainsley's carrier inside and quietly called "We're here!"
"Where is she?" called Mattie as she hurried down the stairs. "I wanna see my baby sister!"
"She's right in here" Mac replied. "But she's sleeping so go easy."
"Okay" said Mattie in a soft voice. She peeked into the carrier at Ainsley, then leaned down and kissed the baby's nose. "I've missed you, sweet girl."
Again the baby stirred but did not wake. "Did you turn down the bed in our room and get the heating pad like I asked?" Mac queried.
"I sure did" replied Mattie. "He must be in pretty bad shape, huh?"
"He has to stay in bed for a week" said Mac. "He's only allowed to go to the bathroom, that's it. He can't shower or anything. I'm going to need you to help out here when you're not in school until he gets back on his feet."
"Oh, sure thing" said Mattie. "Anything I can do, just say the word."
"Right now you can take Ainsley to her bedroom and put her in the crib while I go help Harm out of the car. Where are Trish and Frank?" Mac asked.
"They ran to the store to get a few groceries" answered Mattie. "They didn't want you to have to take care of that with everything you've already got to take care of."
"That was sweet" she replied. "When's their plane leave?"
"Flight is at 3 something" said Mattie as she carefully unfastened the straps on the baby's carrier, "but they need to leave here by noon."
"If he's too bad I'll have to call Bud and see if they can take them" Mac sighed. "I'll be right back. Try not to wake her."
Mattie nodded and gently lifted Ainsley from the carrier as Mac returned to the car where Harm was waiting.
"How's the pain?" she asked when she approached him.
"Tolerable for the time being" he said. "I'm ready to lie down, though."
"Okay" she replied. "Let's do this. Try and turn yourself in the seat so your legs hang out of the side."
He did as she asked, his face contorting as he felt short bursts of pain in his back.
Once he was facing her she studied him. "Okay?"
"Mm-hmm" he said, "just have to take it slow and easy."
"Put your hands on my shoulders" she instructed.
Again, he did as she asked, this time managing without any added pain.
"Now I'm going to put my hands on your sides and ease you down" she told him. "Press down with your hands as I pull your hips."
He nodded, taking a deep breath as he braced for what could be a very painful maneuver.
Mac pulled his hips forward and felt almost all of his weight go onto her shoulders as she eased him down so he was seated on the step of the SUV. "Okay?" she asked him.
He exhaled quickly. "Yeah. That wasn't too terrible."
"Now, we're going to get you up. You're legs okay?" she asked, stroking his cheek with tender fingers.
"Mm-hmm" he said, turning his head to place a kiss on her fingers.
"Okay, here we go" she coached. "Up on three. One. Two. Three."
Harm pushed himself up with his legs as she lifted, his hand flying to his back as he straightened up. "Honey?" Mac fussed.
"Okay, that hurt!" he exclaimed.
"I know it did" she soothed. "You need a minute or do you want to go in?"
"Let's go" he said. "It's not gonna hurt any less the longer I stand here."
Mac slipped her arm around Harm's waist. "Easy steps" she advised. "Take it slow. If you hurt you stop and I'll get a chair and Mattie and I'll get you in some how."
"Okay" he said, walking beside her, carefully pacing himself as they neared the front door 6 inches at a time.
Finally, after a slow, painful trek they made it inside. Harm was soaked from perspiration by the time the got into the house and Mac got his jacket off him. "You need to sit down or you want to go the bed?"
"The head, then the bed" he answered. "Once I stop, I don't wanna move again for awhile."
She leaned against him just a bit and placed a kiss on his chest. "I'm so proud of you" she told him. "I'm not sure I could do this." They walked slowly to the head. "Are you going to need help?"
"Nah" he said. "I've been doing this for awhile by myself, I think I can manage, but if I get in trouble, you'll be the first one I yell for." He looked at her, flyboy smile shining partway across his face.
Mac hovered outside the bathroom, mentally taking inventory of the things Harm would need. "Mattie" she called.
"Yeah" called the teen from the kitchen.
"Can you get some extra pillows from upstairs for Harm and maybe put some juices in the cooler so he can have them next to him?" she asked.
"Sure" said Mattie, starting up the stairs to do as Mac had asked.
Mac heard a noise from inside the bathroom. "Honey, you okay?"
"Yeah, babe" he said. "Just knocked your hairbrush into the sink."
"Okay, you scared me" she told him. "You almost done?"
"Done" he said, reaching to push the door open.
Mac opened the door before Harm could touch the knob.
"I can open a door, Mac" he said. "I'm not completely helpless, but thanks."
"Let me fuss a bit, please?" she asked.
Knowing he couldn't possibly win that fight, he didn't even try. "Fuss away, my dear."
"Do you want to lie down right away or do you want to strip down to sleep shorts?" she asked him.
"Shorts sound good" he answered. "Are my green plaid ones in here?"
"Yep...in the middle drawer" she said. "You start to undress and I'll get them."
He nodded and began the tedious process of removing his shirt and jeans.
Mac retrieved the shorts from the drawer and stood by as she watched Harm disrobe. Usually this task was a major turn on for her, now the only thing it turned on were tears she fought to hide.
He finally got the left leg of his jeans to cooperate, and stepped out of them. "Ready" he said, holding his hand out towards her.
Mac knelt before him and eased his feet into the shorts. "Okay" she said gently. "Let me help you pull them up and then you can lie down."
Harm laughed a little.
Mac pulled the sleep short up over his hips. "Sit down on the edge of the bed now" she instructed. "How's the pain?"
"Getting worse" he said, "all this moving around."
"Almost over, sweetie" she told him. "Now, Dr. McKay said you had to elevate your legs. Do you think it would hurt less to get in first and let me prop the pillows under you legs then or should we put the pillows down first and let you wiggle into place? Your call."
He thought for a second. "Pillows first would probably be better."
Mac put three pillows on the lower part of the mattress then put two more on top of those. "Okay, push back with your arms. I'm going to lift your legs for you okay?"
He nodded, and once again braced himself for the pain.
Harm pushed back with his arms and Mac lifted his long legs up onto the mattress until he was in the bed in the proper position.
He let his head rest deeply into the pillow behind his head. "I'm so glad that's over" he sighed. Looking at his wife, "thanks for helping with that, babe. I owe you one."
"You owe me nothing" she replied caressing his sweaty forehead with her hand. "After what you did for me to help bring Ainsley into the world, from the treatments right to the minute she was born, I'm the one who owes you." She rose from the bed and went to their bathroom to get a damp cloth for his face. She sat down next to him and checked the placement of his pillows. "Are you on there all the way?"
"Think so" he said, burrowing his shoulders a little deeper into the mattress. "Where's everybody else? I haven't seen my mom or Frank yet."
"They went to the store" she replied taking the cloth and wiping his face with it. "They'll be back soon." She took the cloth and dabbed at his neck, then back up to his cheeks. "How's that feel?"
"Nice" he whispered. "It's gonna suck not being able to shower for the next week. I'm gonna stink like a pig."
"I'll help you sponge bathe, babe" she replied. "And I have a leave in shampoo for your hair. Do you need a pill?" she asked. "Some water?"
"That'd be great" he said. "Mac, I'm sorry for all this. I..."
"Ssh" she placed a finger on his lips. "I'm your wife. You hush now." She told him and went to get his medication from her purse in the living room.
She sank down on the couch for a second, unaware that Frank and Trish had just returned and were standing with Mattie in full view of the sofa.
"Mac, you okay?" asked Mattie. "Do you need me to do anything?"
She shook her head. "I need to get Harm's pills" she replied, taking the bottle out of her purse. "Did you get the juices?" she asked.
"Oops, I was headed out there and got sidetracked" said Mattie. "I'll take him one and his pills for you if you want?"
"No, he needs me to do it" she replied. "I'll just get this and some water." she looked at Frank and Trish. "You all can come in and see him in about five minutes."
"Oh, okay" said Frank. "How's he doing?"
"He's in pretty bad shape" she replied. "He has to stay in bed for a week; he's not supposed to get out except for the bathroom." She bit her lip. "I'm scared, Frank."
"Mac" said Trish gently. "If it'll help you, I can...I'd be happy to stay until he gets back on his feet?"
Mac shook her head. "No" she replied. "No I can handle it. Thank you, though."
"Okay" said Trish, accepting her daughter-in-law's answer, knowing better than to push too hard.
"I better get him his medicine" she sighed, turning to go back to her husband.
Harm lay in bed, propped into the position Dr. McKay had ordered him to be in as much as possible. "This sucks" he thought to himself. "Last week was...wow, and then the baby got sick and...now this. Mac doesn't need all this right now."
He heard what she'd admitted to his step-father; that she was scared. He was, too. This was the worst his back had ever been, and though Dr. McKay never mentioned the possibility of surgery, he knew it was there. He also knew the chance that he'd lose his wings was there. Very much there, and it shook him to his core.
When Mac returned to his side she was smiling, "Here we go. A nice cool glass of water and high test pain killers" she said. She sat next to him and handed him two pills. Once he'd put them in his mouth she lifted his head and held his water glass to his lips allowing him a few sips before easing him down. "Do you want a pillow for your neck?
"No, thanks" he said. "I'm fine. I heard my mom and Frank come back; when do they have to leave for the airport?"
"In about an hour" she replied. "They want to see you I'm sure. I'll get them." She rose from the bed and started for the door.
"Mac" he said as she was walking away.
"What?" she asked. "Do you want..."
"No, I'm fine" he said. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm gonna be okay. This will all pass and I'll be back on my feet in no time. Don't worry too much about me, baby."
"I'm not worried" she lied. "I'm just tired. Once your Mom and Frank leave, I think I'll cuddle up with you and take a nap." She smiled then continued to the door. "I'll get them."
A few minutes later Harm was joined by his Mom, Frank, and Mattie. Mac closed the rear, hovering near the door so she could hear the baby who was due to eat any time. "How are you feeling, sweetie?" Trish asked.
"I've been better" he admitted.
"Is it like it was when you had the crash?" she asked, knowing this injury had its root in his first ramp strike.
"Pretty close to it" he said dejectedly. "This is the first time it'd been this bad since."
"Are you gonna have to have surgery?" asked Mattie, her worry showing in her voice and on her face.
"Don't know yet" he answered. "Possibly, but the doctor didn't really say."
"Don't talk about such things Mattie" Mac scolded. "Harm will be fine. You'll see."
Trish smiled. "Can you at least walk this time?" she asked, remembering her pain and fear at seeing Harm struggle for every step for over a month when he was first hurt.
He nodded. "I can, but it's hard. I overdid it these last couple days, brought a lot of this on myself. I'll survive, though; always have." He smiled at his mother, even if it was only a half-hearted one.
"You just get well, son" Frank told him. "You are a very lucky man to have such a devoted caregiver." Frank smiled at Mac.
"Yeah, she's pretty amazing, isn't she?" replied Harm, looking at his wife and smiling proudly.
"Ladies" Frank smiled. "Would you excuse us?"
"Certainly" Trish replied and rose from Harm's bedside following Mac and Mattie out of the room.
When they were alone, Frank asked Harm, "Level with me son."
"What do you mean?" Harm asked.
"I mean are you telling your wife and your mother the truth or are you trying to protect them?" he replied. "I'll help you with whatever you need, money, specialists..." He trailed off.
Harm waved him to silence. "Thanks, but it's not that. It's...I dunno. I'm not lying to anyone, but I'm not exactly telling them the whole truth, either. Mac probably already knows, ah hell, mom does too, who am I kidding?" He sighed deeply, frustration showing in his eyes.
"What?" Frank prompted. "Say it out loud."
"I could lose my wings, Frank, or even worse." Hearing himself admit it out loud was harder than he thought it would be, and he turned his head to focus on a picture beside the bed, doing his best not to cry in front of his step-dad.
"It's alright, son" Frank comforted. "What's worse?"
"I could have to live with this for the rest of my life" said Harm, blinking away a tear he hoped had gone unnoticed. "What if this pain never goes away? What if I can't ever take Ainsley flying? Hell, what if I can't even chase her around the house? I'm scared, Frank."
"I know" he sympathized ignoring his son's tears. He felt the man's pride had been hit too hard to take another swipe. "But so is Mac. You can't give up. You can't let this beat you."
"I'm trying not to let the worst thoughts take over my mind" said Harm, "but it's hard not to, you know?"
"I know. That's why I want you to tell me. If you say it out loud, it won't be so scary" he told him. "Then you can focus on Mac. She's strong but...she's...very upset. So tell me, it's not just the wings is it?"
Harm shook his head. "I've known guys with this injury who went from managing it just fine to living in a back brace and constant pain after a flare up this bad. I've got a brand new wife, a brand new baby, I've got Mattie...I can't imagine how their lives would be if suddenly I couldn't do half the things for myself that I've always done."
"They'd manage, they love you" he replied. "There are surgical options. Spinal fusions are very successful."
The sound of Ainsley's wail penetrated the room just then. "Have I apologized to you for this whole mess?" Frank asked.
"For what?" asked Harm.
"The baby getting sick" he answered. "Has Mac forgiven your Mom yet?" Frank rose from the bed, glad that Harm revealed some of his fears and glad he could change the subject.
"Not yet" said Harm with a sigh. "She will though, I know it'll just take her a bit of time to work through what happened."
"I understand," Frank replied. "We better get to the airport. I'll call for a car to take us. Mac is in no condition."
"You know she'll do it" said Harm.
"I know" he replied, "and I don't want to add a car wreck to the list of things she has to deal with. You get some rest and remember if you need something, you call."
Mac pushed opened the door just then, holding a squalling Ainsley in her arms. "Someone wants her daddy."
"Well, bring me my baby" said Harm, truly smiling for the first time in awhile.
Mac brought Ainsley to her Daddy's chest.
"We're going to be going soon, Mac" Frank said to Mac. "I'm going to get a cab for us. You're needed here."
"I could..." Mac began.
"I know you could, but you won't" he gently scolded. "You tend to your family."
Harm talked softly to Ainsley as she cried. "Baby girl, why all the tears? Hmm? Daddy loves you. Yes, he does." He gave her a kiss on the top of her head. "Does she need to eat, Mac?"
"Nope, I fed her" she replied. "She wants to snuggle, I think."
"Okay" said Harm. "Could you bring me her blanket, please?"
Mac quickly went to retrieve Ainsley's blanket. "Here you go" she said.
"Thanks, babe" he said, taking the blanket from Mac and draping it over Ainsley as she lay on his chest. He put his arms around her and began to pat her little behind as he gently sang to her the only song that was guaranteed to calm her fussiness, the Navy Hymn.
Ainsley wiggled some more until finally resting her little tear soaked face against her Daddy's shoulder. Once that happened, her cries stopped and her story began. "Baaa baaa baaa" she babbled near his ear. Then she made his favorite sound of all, she laughed.
Mac moved to sit down next to him. "What did Frank want?" she asked.
"Oh, just wanted to make sure I knew to come to him if I need anything" said Harm.
"He's a good man" Mac smiled. "They're leaving for the airport soon. I want to drive them but he's..."
"I know" smiled Harm. "He's not one you can argue with and win."
"Like you" she smiled. "How's the pain?" she asked for the third time.
"Better now than it's been all day" said Harm, nestling his cheek against his daughter's head.
"That's good" she smiled. "I have some cleaning up to do. I want you to try and get some sleep while the pain is less. Then I'm going to call the General and try and get some leave for me as well as you."
"Okay, babe" he said. "Go ahead and do what you need to, my little girl and I will just hang out right here, won't we, Ainsley Rose?"
"Babaaa" she replied to his query and tapped at his chest.
"I want you to close those eyes, Rabb" she told him. "Dr. McKay warned us it would get worse before it got better."
"I know" he said, trying to hide his fear. "Go ahead, we'll be fine."
Reluctantly Mac left the room, placing the baby monitor just inside not only to hear Ainsley, but to hear Harm as well. With a heavy heart and a darkened spirit, she went about the task of cleaning her house.
Forty-five minutes later, Mac peeked into their room to find that Harm was sound asleep with Ainsley, also asleep, snuggled against his chest. It was one of the sweetest scenes she'd ever witnessed, and before she left the room she took a picture to save that moment in eternity.
She moved to take Ainsley from Harm, so that if he rolled he would not hurt the baby. When she lifted their daughter from his arms, he stirred and his eyes fluttered opened.
"Hey" he said, his voice gravely with sleep. "How long was I out?"
"Just under an hour" she replied. "I'm just going to put her down. Go back to sleep."
"Did mom and Frank get out of here on time?" he asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"Yes" she whispered and rocked Ainsley as she stirred. "Don't worry about anything. Please go back to sleep."
"Kay, babe" he said, wallowing his head back into his pillow.
Before Harm fully drifted off, Mac asked in a quick whisper, "how's you back?"
"Hurts like hell" he answered.
"Do you need anything or just more rest?" she asked. He looked terrible, exhausted even. She wanted him to be still and let his body heal.
"Maybe shifting positions would help" he said. "Can I move at all or do I have to stay like this?"
"Dr. McKay said in bed, lying flat, with your legs elevated" Mac replied. "I could adjust the pillows maybe that will help. Let me put her down and I'll be right back. Don't try to move without me."
"Wouldn't dream of it" he said, his eyes still closed, his voice conveying the pain he was in.
Mac quickly carried Ainsley into the nursery and put her down in her crib. Then before returning to Harm she set his heating pad on to boil. Maybe it would help with the pain.
She returned to Harm's side. "I put the hot pack in the pot to boil" she told him. "We'll see if that helps. Is the pain any worse?" she asked, reaching for his hand.
"It's not any better" he said. "Guess it's about the same. It's gonna be one hell of a long week, Mac."
She kissed the hand she held. "I know. But we'll manage. If this doesn't get better by the end of the week, or if it gets worse, I want to you to see someone who deals with pilots."
"I know, I will" he assured her. "I wish this hadn't happened now; not that there's ever a good time for it, but everything with the baby and..."
"I can handle it, Harm" she replied. "You just worry about yourself. Do you need to use the bathroom before I get you fixed up in here?"
"No, not yet" he said.
"Okay...Maybe I could bring you a bottle or something incase you need to go and I'm busy with the baby" she suggested.
"No way, Mac!" he said, his tone leaving no room for debate. "I'm not in that bad of shape!"
"Sweetheart, you can barely walk" she reminded him. "I don't want you to hurt yourself. What if you fall?"
"I don't need anything yet" he insisted. "If I need it later, you'll be the first to know."
"Okay" she sighed and dropped her gaze to study him. He looked fine, if not a bit pale from the pain, yet she saw a thousand nightmares in his prone and vulnerable position. She let out a long sigh.
"I'm not trying to be difficult, babe" he said softly, "in fact, I'm trying to be just the opposite."
"I know," she replied. "You are actually being quite the patient. I'm just...very tired."
"Come sit down with me" he said, nodding towards her side of their bed.
"I can't just yet" she replied. "I have to get your heat pack and fix your pillows and the upstairs bathroom is a mess."
"Get the heat pack" he said, "then come back in here, get me settled and then I want you to sit down here with me and rest for 30 minutes. You've been going full steam ahead for the last 3 days, and I need you to slow down just a little bit, okay? For me and Ainsley. Please?"
"But...Harm the place is...I still have to call General Creswell, then I need to get your supper and there's tons of laundry to do. I just can't stop right now. Two more minutes until the pack is done."
"Mac, all the house work can wait" he said. "You can call the General as soon as you get the heat pack in place, but after that I want you to some sit with me for a half hour. The last thing I want is for you to run yourself into the ground trying to keep up with too many things at once."
"Well someone has to do it Harm!" she snapped at him as the time buzzed.
"Mattie can help with a lot of things, babe" he said. "She's more than willing to do anything you need her to."
"This house isn't Mattie's responsibility Harm, its mine" she replied. "She has homework and friends. I just can't sit with you right now. There's too much to do. I'll be right back with your pack." She turned on her heel and went towards the kitchen.
A few minutes later, she returned with the towel wrapped hot pack. "Okay, Sailor" she said, "can you lift up for me just a bit so I can get this under you?"
Harm took in a deep breath and used his arms to lift himself a few inches off the mattress.
"Okay?" she asked as she slid the pack in place under him. "Is that the right place?"
"Oh yeah" he sighed as he relaxed into the warmth. "Thanks, babe."
"Do you want me to fix your pillows?" she asked him all ready pulling back the covers to expose his long legs.
"Please" he answered. "The one on the right is too high up."
"Is it pulling?" she asked him looking at how unevenly his body was distributed on the pillows.
"Little bit" he said.
"Okay, let me know if I hurt you" she told him as she moved all of his pillows out from under both of his legs.
"Can you bend you knees a bit for me?" she asked.
"Ah...ow" he said as he moved his legs to bend at the knee.
"Hurt?" she asked.
"Yep" he replied, "same old stuff."
Mac sighed and took one of the softer pillows and manipulated it so it fit underneath his knees. "Okay, relax your legs and see how that feels?"
He did as she asked of him, relaxing into the comfort of the repositioned pillows. "Oh, that's a lot better, Mac. Thanks."
"I'm not done yet" she told him. Next she took a firmer set of pillows and lifting his leg from his knee the slightest bit she slid it under his thigh.
"Jesus, Mac!" he exclaimed as he felt a sharp pinch in his back.
Mac ignored him and moved to do the same to his other leg. She was sorry it hurt him, but the website she'd looked at said this was the best way.
"Mac! Stop! Stop!" he said, feeling as if he wanted to cry. "God, you're killing me here..."
She set his left leg down onto the pillow and moved to him, running her hand up his side gently. She leaned over him, kissed both his cheeks and stroked his forehead. "I'm sorry, baby. It's over now. It's over. Take a deep breath."
He squeezed his eyes shut; trying to get himself calmed down from the pain he'd just endured. When he opened them again, he saw Mac's lips only inches from his. "Can I have a kiss?" he asked softly.
She leaned over and gently kissed his lips. "I'm sorry about that, honey. But do you feel more comfortable now?"
"I think so" he said quietly. "I'm sorry about this; about never telling you that my back was such a monster when it wanted to be."
"That's all right, my love" she soothed pulling his covers back up. She got yet another pillow. "Lift up your shoulders."
"I don't think I can just yet" he said.
"Let me get you a cool cloth for your face. Would you like that?" she cooed to him as if he were as tiny and helpless as Ainsley.
"No" he said as he looked into her eyes. "All I want is for you to come lay beside me while I try to get some rest. That's all I want; all I need."
Mac nodded her head. She really didn't have time, but she relented. "Okay" she said, "for a little while. Can I put this pillow under your shoulders first?"
"You can try" he said. "I'll see if I can move."
"Just a tiny bit" she told him. "Lean up. It'll be worth it I promise."
Once Harm lifted his body up and Mac secured the last pillow, she made good on her promise. She slipped off her shoes and slipped into her side of the bed. She sat beside him taking him into her arms letting him rest against her. "How's that?"
"Perfect" he sighed. "I hate this...being stuck in this stupid bed and not being able to do anything."
"I know you do" she sighed. "I'm so sorry this happened."
"It's my fault" he said. "I shoulda been paying more attention to those steps when we were leaving the Lex."
"And I should have insisted we not make love on the beach" she sighed. "As beautiful as it was, I'm not sure it was worth this."
Harm smiled as he thought back to that glorious night less than a week earlier. "Now let's be real about this, babe. What are the odds either of us would have been able to stop that night even if we'd given a thought to my back, or anything else for that matter? Hell, if the possibility of getting caught wasn't enough to keep us from doing it, nothing would have been."
"I suppose that's true" she smiled and stroked his hair. "But was it worth this?"
Without thinking twice, he answered her. "Of course, Mac. It was worth all this pain and more. God, I don't know that we'll ever do anything like that again, you know?" He smiled and gently caressed her arm as she lay wrapped around him.
"That night opened up a lot of things for me" she replied. "A lot of memories I'd rather have left buried. But now that I've told you...I think we're stronger, you know?"
"I know, babe" he said. "I'm sorry that you had to face those things while we were supposed to be focusing on us and what we have together, but I'm glad you got it out in the open and we dealt with it."
"I think it brought us closer together" she replied, "just like this will in the long run." She leaned over and kissed his damp forehead. "I wish you'd let me get you a cloth."
"I don't need one" he said softly. "You're all I need. Well, you're all I need until that last dose of Naproxen wears off, in which case I'll need the next dose, but until then..." he was rambling playfully, smiling, temporarily forgetting his pain.
"Can I ask when this happened? Your mom said something about not being able to walk once?" she asked brows knitted with concern.
"Oh, that" he said, figuring sooner or later she'd ask about it. "It was a few months after my ramp strike. I knew I'd done something to my back in the crash, but they couldn't really tell me what to expect or when or anything. I stumbled over a cement parking block at the mall and a disc slipped out of place - the disc that's now herniated - and that was a lot worse than this. She was right; I couldn't even walk at first, not for almost a week."
"And with each landing and each punch out, you hurt it worse didn't you?" she asked.
"Yeah, sure did" he sighed. "It may not have gotten this bad this fast if I was just landing on runways, but carrier landings haven't been kind to me."
"But you're still going to keep flying?" she sighed.
He was silent. He wasn't ready to go there just yet.
"Harm?" she pressed.
"I'm...I...I dunno, babe" he said, thinking fast for a change of subject. "When does Ainsley have to go back to the doctor?"
Mac sighed, he wasn't ready yet. She'd let it go. "Thursday" she replied. "I'm thinking of switching her doctors."
"Yeah, so am I" he said. "Who're you looking at taking her to?"
"Dr. Cameron" she replied. "He's so sweet with her and he was so kind to us."
"He's a great doctor" agreed Harm. "I like him."
"So can we?" she asked hopefully.
"Sure, it's fine with me" he said.
"Good" she replied. "I think she'll be better off. Is the pain subsiding any?" she asked.
"Yeah, actually it is" he said. "See, I told you all I needed was you beside me."
She sighed and continued to stroke the top of his head, "Do you think you can get some more sleep? I'm going to have to bathe you later and you'll need your strength."
He chuckled. "No, babe, I think you'll be the one who'll need the strength. I'm betting I'll make bathing Ainsley seem like a total cake walk."
She smiled. "Still this pain has to be draining. Try and close your eyes. I have to go start dinner and call the general."
"Go ahead" he whispered. "I'm sure I can sleep now." And within a minute, he was out like a light.
A/N: For those who asked before about Harm's back and whether there was something to it, I dare say there just might be... Please take a second and review, I'd love to know what you think!