disclaimer: Danny, Lacy, Jenny, and Zelig are my creations. All others are the property of Marvel and I expect no monetary benefit from the use of their characters in this work intended for entertainment purposes only.

pre-note: This story takes place during the end of chapter 18 to the end of chapter 19 of "Human and the Demon".

Rest in Peace
by Dizi

That did not go well. Not well at all.

You would think as much time as I've had, I would have been able to come up with a better way to tell her. I didn't even lead into it very well. It's not that I was in denial. I went through that stage long before I met Jenny. Any denial I might have been suffering from was the need to tell her about my condition.

To just say "I'm dying" seems a little blunt. And it was. I hadn't intended it that way. Well, that's a lie, because until yesterday I didn't really think about how to tell her at all. I didn't want to. I didn't want to hurt her.

Jenny has told me about her past and the fate of most of her friends throughout her life. They have all died until the X-Men. She said she thought she was cursed or something for a long time, and I can't blame her for that. As we've both lost people we loved, I understand.

So how to tell her she was going to lose another? That I had kept it from her deliberately all this time? It's not an easy thing to do, both the telling and the hiding. Don't judge me unless you've had to do it yourself.

If I could have lived with myself - sorry, bad pun - I wouldn't have told her at all. But I love her too much to do that to her. Like Hank said, she doesn't deserve to be surprised that way.

I didn't expect her to react the way she did though. I knew she'd be hurt and upset, but I really thought she'd get angry at me for not telling her sooner. I would.

Or I think I would since I've never been on the other side.

Maybe if I'd had someone else be here at the time it would have been different. Not Kurt, Jenny was hard and I couldn't have made myself tell them both at the same time. Hank would have beedn willing to be there, but I felt I'd layed enough of a burden on her. I have become close to several of the others but...

It was my responsiblitily. I made the decision to let myself into her life knowing I wouldn't be there long. I chose not to tell her, and I also decided the time was right. It was me all the way and I deserve to be the only one to take the blame.

I deserve to feel alone now. Of course, I've been told we all die alone, but this is the first time since I came here I have really felt that way. Jenny wouldn't be happy to know how I'm feeling now and I won't tell her. Because I made this decision too.

I have, and in some ways still am, grieved for myself. I have mourned the time I will not have with my son, all the parts of his life I will miss, that he will never know me. I can't go to the mansion and listen to others talk about those things. Even if they don't sy them out loud, they'll be thinking them and it will show. I just can't.

Zelig has stopped crying. I wonder if he was crying for me or Jenny? I read that babies can sense tension and pain from their mother, and Jenny has been as much his mother as I have since he was born.

Due to my circumstances and my plans for his future, it had to be that way. I can't take care of him the way I would like to. When he was first born I could have but Hank warned me it wouldn't last long. I knew that really from the time I knew I was pregnant.

I prayed for someone to love and take care of my baby when I was gone. Jenny was my answer. Maybe Zelig and I were also hers. I know I am causing her pain but I am also giving her both of our dreams.

My child will become hers.

It's what I want. I started the process as soon as he was born, before to be honest. I'm not being selfish nor selfless. Really, I'm not. Death makes a person practical in many ways.

To put it simply, my soon to be motherless child needs a mother. Jenny was born to be a mother and cannot have a child of her own. So she will.

Maybe having Zelig will push her to accept Kurt's proposal. Then they they will be a real family. I'd like that. My son to have a real family like I almost had.

All my life that's what I wanted. Oh, I was born to parent and suppose you could say I did at one time have a family, but I try not to remember them. I was born looking the way I do and my parents didn't want me. They made it very clear to me all my life, until I ran away at sixteen. So a real family that loved me was what I wanted.

My Danny was determined to give it to me, to let me be like everyone else. It's not really that I want to be like everyone else, because I never have been, but I wanted what they had. In the short time I had with Danny, I like to think I was a good wife. I loved doing things for him and around the house, baking, dusting, all the everyday things. I wanted to be June Cleaver. He wanted me to be me. I think we found a good midpoint.

He was so special, I loved him so much, our time together was a dream.

But I woke up. He wasn't supposed to die. I was the one who was sick. It was supposed to be me. Was he careless that day? Too determined I would get well? That time is a fog in my mind and I don't even remember the details of his death. Just that he was taken from me. He was just gone. On his way home to take me to the doctor. Jenny plays a song which says it very well, isn't it ironic?

I wanted to die. I wouldn't have had to do anything to make it happen; I was already dying. But I would have changed my mind because I know he would want me to live. That's the kind of man he was. And I could have lived. I could have gotten treatment.

If I had been willing to pay the price. What was left of Danny. My baby. Our child. The miracle that is part of us both. He even looks just like my Danny. No one who knows me could ever really believe I would do that. Not even Danny.

Danny. I'll see him soon. He'll understand and know our child was worth it.

The phone is ringing again. Kurt keeps calling. Every time he does Ororo checks on me and I pretend to be asleep. I should be. I have dozed a bit, but real sleep seems to be beyond me right now.

I hope Jenny is alright. When Logan came for her it was like she wasn't really there. Thankfully she doesn't drive or I'd worry she might have an accident too.

She told Kurt right away. I know because he called very soon after Jenny would have arrived. I didn't talk to him, but I heard Ororo tell him I was sleeping that first time.

Maybe I should have told him first. He talked to me, told me about his ideas for his and Jenny's future. That's how he put it, but he included me in it. He talked like we would all be together.

I know it's not just Jenny I have hurt with my silence.

But he would have told her and I couldn't let him. Nor could I tell him and ask him not to tell her, because he couldn't have kept a secret like that from Jenny. If he was the kind of man that could I wouldn't want him to raise my son.

He is so determined, I have no doubt he and Jenny will be married. Okay, I have lots of doubt; Jenny is determined too. But none that they will be together and he will be a father figure for my son. Actually, Kurt is Kurt is already a good father to Zelig.

I'm so tired. I can feel the medicine weighing on me, but I just can't sleep. It's getting late. Zelig is asleep and Ororo watching tv, but still I am awake.

And alone. I know it's my own fault. I could get up and go to the living room, talk to Ororo. I could go to the nursery and hold my baby while I can. But the person I want isn't here.

I need to see Jenny and know she is okay. I need her to yell, scream, or cry at me the way I thought she would. I need to know that we are okay before I sleep. What it comes down to is that I need to know she is still my friend, the sister of my heart.

That's what all the reminiscing and self-pity of these past hours has really been about. Waiting for Jenny to come home, so I can get past whatever comes next. I already knew everything else.

The house is so quiet, the only sound the low murmur of the tv. I immediately hear when they arrive.

I can hear voices in the other room, footsteps going to the nursery, more hesitating in the hall outside my room.

Slowly, the door opens and they are both there.

Kurt leans against the doorway, silent. Not joining Jenny as she comes to stand beside me, but watching us both.

I brace myself, ready for the anger I expected earlier, as Jenny crosses her arms and give me a stern look. "You are to do everything you are supposed to. You will rest if I have to tie you down, do you hear me? You have to be strong enough to be at my wedding."

We have our arms around each other before I thought to blink, both of us laughing and crying at the same time. Did I really expect her to be angry? I should have known better. There is no one to blame, even if I have blamed myself.

We calm down slowly and she tells me all about their argument, their plans, how much they both want me to be there. In turn, after she finishes, I apologize and again explain my reasons for not telling her sooner, while she apologizes for leaving me alone. We both say we are angry with the other at the same time and laugh.

And all is well. Just that easy.

We have always been able to talk, Jenny and I. Neither of us are really very outgoing, but surviving an experience like ours can make people close. Once she had healed, especially once I moved in with her, we started telling each other everything - with one obvious exception. Now we are talking about everything we can think of, needing to say all we can. We both know my time is short and we tell each other things we already know in case we may have forgotten to say it before. We don't want to take the chance something won't be said.

All the while, Kurt watches us. He takes in every gesture, expression, and word, drinking it all in. Though he does not speak himself, I can feel his presence and know he is there for us both. Quietly supporting us emotionally and letting us connect again.

My eyes drift shut over and over, no matter how hard I try to keep them open. I don't want this time to end.

I feel the blanket being pulled up, someone kisses my cheek.

Everyone I care about is settled.

Jenny and Kurt will be married. Together they will raise my son as their own. They will be happy, I know.

It is what I wanted.

It is everything I hoped for.

I feel my body relax further.

Now, I can rest...

note:
Elizabeth Robbins- Not sure if it's just that she sees through him or if she's been through so much a hard ass like him just doesn't really scare her anymore. But either way they've kinda gotten that neither would really know what to do in that place without the other. Aren't they fun though?
GothikStrawberry- Glad you liked it. I had a lot of fun with that one. I actually wrote this before I thought to put him in the chapter after they had rescued Jenny. I wrote this and read over it again knew he had to go there too. Funny how that worked out.
Shorty McGee- I wouldn't go so far as to say Harry's a softie underneath but he does recognize a good thing, and knows that's what Jenny is for both him and his bar. (Though maybe he is a softie underneath.)
B Oots- Racquel is one of the bimbos Harry dates. There's always one around somewhere, though we never see them. His true love is his bar so none of them are ever serious but if you notice throughout all the stories Jenny usually asks or mentions someone in relation to him and it's always a different woman.
CaptainTish- Well, at least he isn't blaming himself for her getting kidnapped anymore. But I think he's finally figured out that his heart doesn't belong only to the bar anymore either. Oh, well. He had to figure it out sometime.
Jinxeh- I know about fighting over the computer. I used to have to fight with four other people for comp time. I liked the piano story, it was fun and insightful. Unfortunately, this one isn't as much fun but it is insightful.

This one wasn't too fun, I know. I actually never intended to get into Lacy as much as I did. Kinda like Jenny, she grew. So before I let her go I had to let her say her piece. I hope it touches you the way it did me. I cried. I admit it. But it had to be done and here it is.

Next! the next story is "Yes, Dear" and it is fun. Touching too but also lots of fun. It spans from when Kurt proposed to just before the big event.

Thanks for reading and the support,
Dizi