Disclaimer: the usual...
A/N: Thanks for all the supportive reviews! Also, thanks for not pelting me with those rotten tomatoes on account of Harm's nightmare, LOL! This chapter is fairly long, but I didn't want to break it up too much, so I hope you don't mind. :)
Chapter 76
It was that picture that greeted Mattie when she awoke the next morning to a silent house. It was a little before seven, and she had school that morning. Mac would usually be up by now, but with Harm being flat on his back, Mattie knew she might just be busy. She approached the master bedroom door and knocked lightly. When no one answered, she pushed the door open, knowing it was always possible they were still sleeping.
The sight before her made her stop right where she stood and smile. Harm was asleep against Mac's shoulder, and her head was resting atop his. Ainsley was sleeping in her mother's lap, her little arm draped off to the side as if to tell the world how completely comfortable and relaxed she was. As Mattie looked at the family, sharing what was one of the few peaceful moments they'd had together since before the wedding, she knew she needed to go find the camera.
She went into the office and located it without any trouble, and upon her return to the bedroom she snapped 3 shots, just to make sure she got a really good one. No one stirred even a bit as the flash went off; they were all so exhausted from the past few weeks and, more specifically, the past few days.
Once the photo was taken Mattie went to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee for Harm and make herself breakfast. She supposed she'd go inside and wake them up once the coffee was done, only her baby sister beat her to it.
Mac stirred first at the sound of her baby's cries. "Oh..." She opened her eyes and moved so quickly she jostled Harm. "What...Oh, baby you are so wet" she said to her fussy daughter as Harm began to stir.
"Mmm...did...did you sleep like that, with her?" he mumbled.
"I think so" she sighed sliding off the bed. "One minute I was feeding her and the next she's soaked through her diaper and it's...0714!"
"Really?" he asked. "I slept all night? That's...amazing."
"Well after that nightmare you had I gave you a pill, it must have knocked you out" she sighed. "Can you let her lay with you until I go and get her diaper stuff. I want to talk while I work and I have to wake Mattie or she'll be late."
"Sure" he said, shifting as best he could given the position he'd spent the night in. "Speaking of late, aren't you going to be?"
"Nope, I have to go in at 1000. I have about 90 minutes before I have to leave" she told him before handing him the crying baby.
"Okay, that's good" he said. "Come here, beautiful girl" he cooed as he took Ainsley into his hands and brought her close. "Oh wow, you are soaked! When did she get changed last, Mac?"
"Right before I fed her last night" Mac replied. "Speaking of which, you must be about to pop by now. I'll take you after I change her, okay?"
"That'd be great" he said, adding with a smile "I'll try not to think about it till then!"
Mac smiled and left Harm with Ainsley as she went to the nursery to get her diapering things. "Mats!" she called up the stairs on her way back.
"In here!" called the teenager from the kitchen.
"Oh, you're up. Why didn't you wake me?" Mac asked.
"Because you guys all need your sleep" replied Mattie. "I would have before much longer though; I know you have to work part of the day."
"Do I smell coffee?" Mac asked inhaling.
"Yes, ma'am" said Mattie. "I knew you'd need some; figured Harm would, too."
"Yeah, can you make his the way he likes it and put a bendy straw in the mug?" Mac asked. "I'll come for mine in a while. I have to change the baby and Harm needs to use the facilities."
"Will he be able to take care of himself with us all gone today?" asked Mattie. "I'm worried about him."
"I don't know, Mattie" Mac sighed. "He'll have to manage as best he can. I'll be home by four and I'll make sure he has an empty bottle, the TV remote, his newspaper...he should be alright." Mac's tone told Mattie she wasn't sure.
"Why don't you ask the General for some time off?" queried Mattie.
"I already did, sweetie" Mac replied. "He gave me half days but that's it."
"Can't you work from home or tele-conference or anything?" asked the worried girl. "I'm just scared to leave him alone..." She began to tear up.
Mac went to her and took her in her arms. "He'll be alright, Mattie. This has happened to him before and he had no one. At least now I can call him every hour and check on him. I can even ask Uncle AJ to stop by and look in on him."
"Mac!" called Harm from the bedroom.
"You going to be okay, Mattie?" Mac asked, followed by a quick "coming, honey."
She nodded, trying not to cry. "Go, he needs you and by the sound of it, so does my little sis" she said to Mac. "I'll come see him before I leave for school."
Mac smiled and turned to go back to the bedroom. Ainsley was in rare form by then and Harm wasn't so happy himself.
"Where have you been, babe?" he asked her. "We're kinda dying back here!"
"I'm sorry, I was talking to Mattie" Mac replied. "Come here, little one. Mommy's going to make you all dry. How's the pain this morning?" she asked Harm.
"Not as bad as you'd think for having been hunched over all night" he answered. "But as soon as you get a chance, I'd love my morning pill."
"How about a morning visit to the head?" she asked him as she wiped Ainsley's bottom with a baby wipe. "And I think it would be best if you used an alternate method of using the toilet while we're gone today."
He raised his eyebrow at her. "I thought we'd been over this already. I'll manage - in fact, I'll make a deal with you: if I can get myself out of bed right now, to the bathroom and back without any help, you'll let the 'alternate method' stuff go. Deal?"
"You bet, Flyboy" she said. "If you can do that, you owe me dinner at Calisto's when you're out of bed too." Mac had no faith in his ability to accomplish this feat.
"You're on, babe" he said, "and I was already planning to take you out as soon as I'm back on my feet." He gave her one of "those" smiles as he started in trying to maneuver his way out of the bed.
Mac finished diapering Ainsley and put her to her breast almost on autopilot as she watched Harm struggle. It took him nearly five minutes to get his legs over the side of the bed. "You sure you don't want help?" she asked.
"Ah! Damn it..." he muttered to himself. "No, I can do it." he said. "I've been through this before, to a degree anyway. This is the worst part, learning how to move by myself."
"Honey...I..." She stopped and watched as he tried to lever himself up.
"Ow! Ow! Ow!" he said aloud as he finally made it into a sitting position. "Okay, now for the hard part."
"Harm..." She began again then fell silent again looking at the baby and not at him.
"Yeah?" he asked as he slowly and painfully pushed himself into a standing position, one inch at a time.
"Never mind" she said and stroked the baby's head.
Once he was on his feet, he reached out and placed one hand on the wall so he could use it for balance as he inched his way around the perimeter of the room towards the bathroom. "No, you can say it, babe" he said. "You don't like me doing this, right?"
"I don't like it at all. Not with me right here and certainly not with me gone all day. What if you have another spasm? What if you fall?" Mac fretted.
"It's never happened" he said, his voice indicative of the effort each step was taking from him. "But, if it'd make you feel better, you can bring my cell phone in before you leave and when I get up, I'll clip it on my waistband so if I were to end up in trouble, I'd be able to call for help."
"It'll make me feel better if you don't get up while I'm gone" Mac sighed. "But fine. I'll bring you your phone." She shifted Ainsley to her shoulder for a burp.
He stopped moving and looked back at her. "Baby, I have to do this. I wish I didn't, but its part of living with this injury. I'll be okay. Please don't worry any more than you feel you have to." He knew better than to tell her not to worry at all; since if the shoe was on the other foot he'd be worried silly about her.
"I feel like I have to worry a lot. What if there was something to that nightmare?" she asked, continuing to pat Ainsley's back.
"Mac, in that nightmare the surgery went awry" he said. "Nothing happened to me at home. I know you take nightmares seriously and I fully respect that, but I don't want what happened in my subconscious last night to scare you." He began walking again, realizing that he'd been on his feet far longer than he should have been.
"Fine" she sighed rising. "Have it your way." Finally, Ainsley burped, a good sized one too. "Good job, baby girl" Mac praised. "Now say, daddy's being stubborn."
"I'm not stubborn" he called from the bathroom, having finally made it there. "I'm what the Admiral liked to call 'strong willed'."
"Same thing" Mac replied
"Yeah" he answered, "but my version sounds better."
"How are you doing?" she asked, letting her anger at his "strong willed" tendencies fade a bit in comparison with her concern.
"I'm fine" he answered. "I haven't had to pee this badly since...damn...I can't even remember when..."
"No pain?" she asked.
"Some" he said, "in my back, not in my...anyway." His voice trailed off.
Mac walked over to the bathroom. "Not in your what?"
"I forget" he said with a smile. "What was your name for it last week?"
"Ah, I get the picture" she laughed. I think it was the 'Harmon Rabb Special'."
"Yeah, I think it was" he said. "It'll be nice when we can do that again, you know...?"
"You just think about getting well, never mind the perks" she gently scolded. "Oh, by the way, Mattie is really upset about this. I think we're going to have to gloss over the gorier details of last night."
"She's upset? Really?" asked Harm as he leaned against the sink to wash his hands. "Did she talk to you?"
"Yeah, a bit" Mac replied. "She was pretty scared about leaving you alone all day and she teared up a bit" she told him, adding very softly, "not that I didn't."
He looked up at her. "You were in tears over leaving me, babe?"
Mac tried to cover. He couldn't have heard that, could he? She didn't want him to know that. "No, I said Mattie was" she fibbed.
"Mac" he said, tipping his head to one side, a sure sign that a lecture of sorts was coming. "Were you both crying about this? Please tell me."
She looked down at the floor. "Not together."
He turned around slowly, bracing himself against the counter. "Come here" he said softly.
"I don't want to hurt you" she replied, rooted to the spot where she stood, cuddling Ainsley tighter against her breast.
"You won't" he insisted. "Please, come over here. I've already been standing for ten times longer than I should have, and the longer you take to come here the longer I'll have to stand here" he said gently.
Mac gently laid the baby down on the bed and walked over to her husband. "Let's get you back in bed."
"Only if you promise to hear me out afterwards" he said.
"I'll hear you out when you're lying down with your legs elevated" Mac replied. "I promise." She slipped a hand around his waist. "Let's go, Sailor."
With a simple nod, he accepted her assistance, and they walked very slowly back to the bed. "I can sit down by myself, I think" he said.
"Okay, you sit and I'll move Miss Ainsley to the floor. She can have tummy time while I set you up here." Mac set Ainsley's little blanket down on their bedroom floor.
Bracing his hands against the side of the bed, he lowered his body very gingerly until he was in a sitting position. "See" he said happily and out of breath, "told you I could do it myself."
"It wasn't the sitting I doubted, Sailor" she replied. "Its the standing and the walking that worry me." She rose from laying Ainsley down and went to help him lift his legs into the bed.
"Ooh, ouch!" he muttered. "I'm fine, I'm fine, that just stung a little is all."
"Okay?" she asked him. "I'm going to prop you up just hang in there, babe."
"Yeah" he said. "You know, this is actually getting better the more we do it. Kinda scary, huh?"
"Left side now" Mac told him and repeated the same motions with that leg. "You have great legs, Sailor" Mac smiled running her hand over his bare skin as she moved to place the pillow behind his neck.
"Hey now" he said in his best bedroom voice, "don't go starting anything we can't finish."
"You did after Ainsley was born" she reminded him with a smile. "Payback time. Lift up" she instructed. It was already becoming routine.
He did as she instructed, his body knowing what to do from sheer repetition. "When did I do that" he asked, "start anything right after she was born?"
"The day we were taking her to see Dr.Kendall," she reminded him. "That kiss was...I can still feel it."
"Oooohhh yeah" he said, a mammoth grin spreading across his face. "I remember now. That was some kiss, huh?" He looked directly at her as he spoke, his smile fading as he lost himself in those amazing brown eyes.
"I made you a promise, Flyboy" Mac replied. "What did you want to talk to me about?"
"Sit down right here" he asked her.
Mac obeyed him and sat down beside him, reaching for his left hand. She wanted to touch him as he told her whatever it was he wanted to say.
"I know you're worried about leaving me here alone today" he said. "I can't ask you not to worry, and I can't ask you not to leave because neither of those are viable options. What I will ask you to do is try your best to remember that I've been through this before, and those times I was alone, almost from the beginning. My mom was there for a couple days one time, but other than that, it was all me. I'll be okay, Mac. It'll be a long day and I'll have to push myself a little, but I can do it."
"But you said this is the worst it's been, and maybe you don't remember but last night you...you were so scared and I was so scared...you couldn't feel your legs honey, you said that never happened before. You begged me, begged me to help you, to fix you, and I couldn't help you and I...what if I'm gone and that happens again?" she asked, not able to stop one tear from escaping before she got a hold of herself.
"Hey, hey" he said softly, reaching up to caress her face. "I know that's always a possibility and I'll admit the idea does scare me some, but...I don't want to lay here today thinking about how worried you are about me. Aside from staying right here until you get back, would there be anything else I could do that would make today any easier on you?"
She shook her head. "If you're in here you can't get hurt" she replied. "Please, honey. Please."
Before Harm could reply, Mattie entered carrying a travel mug with a straw sticking out of the top.
"I fixed your coffee" she said. "I hope I got it right."
"Thanks, kiddo" he said, taking the mug from her. "I'm sure you did fine."
"How are you feeling?" she asked him. "You looked like you were sleeping pretty peacefully when I peeked in this morning."
"Oh, you peeked in this morning, huh?" he asked with a smile.
"Yep" she replied. "All three of you were sacked out, it was sweet. I took a picture."
"You didn't tell me that" laughed Mac.
"Yeah, I took 2 or 3" said Mattie. "Come on, it was a Kodak Moment if ever there was one!"
"I'm sure it was" said Harm, taking a careful sip of his coffee. "Mmm, it's perfect, Mats. Thanks."
"Welcome" she said. "I wasn't sure if I put too much creamer in or not."
"Nope" he said, "just right."
"Harm was just telling me he's feeling better this morning" Mac told her. "Right, sweetie?"
"Right" he said. "Still got a ways to go, but I'm noticeably better than I was yesterday."
"But I'm still calling that specialist" Mac told him.
"What specialist?" asked Mattie.
"Dr. Bryan Peddie, a neurologist at Bethesda who deals with pilots and submariners who have chronic back pain from bad discs and nerves" Mac replied.
"You need that?" Mattie asked Harm. "I thought you were getting better."
"I am" he assured her, "but it's still time to see about getting this fixed."
"It's just preventative, sweetie" Mac assured her. "As Harm gets older, these attacks will become more frequent unless we get it taken care of."
"Okay" replied Mattie, "as long as it's just to be on the safe side and not because he's getting worse."
"Mats" Mac said quickly. "Its almost 0800, you better get going or you'll be late."
"Oh, crap!" said Mattie. "Glad you're feeling better" she said, leaning in to kiss Harm on the cheek.
"Have a good day. I'll see you went you get home" Mac said going to receive her own kiss.
"Bye, Ainsley Bear" said Mattie, getting on her hands and knees to kiss the baby as she enjoyed her tummy time. "Okay, see everyone later!"
With that Mattie was out the door.
As soon as Mattie left the room, Mac resumed her seat beside Harm, her brown eyes found his blue ones as she awaited his answer to her earlier plea.
"You want me to stay here all day" he said. "Nothing else will appease you, babe?"
"No" she said firmly. "I want you to do as the doctor said and if you get up you won't be able to get back into bed right and you'll be out flat until I get home" Mac said. "Of course there is option B."
"Am I gonna like this at all?" he asked with an apprehensive smile.
"Nope" she smiled. "Option B is I call over to Bethesda and ask them to send over a health aid. What's it going to be?"
He weighed his options for a moment. "If it'll make you feel better and allow you to get your work done today" he said, "I'll stay put." He didn't feel it was necessary, but he also knew she'd be a mess by the time she got home if he didn't cooperate, and truth be told he wasn't super comfortable with the notion of being up by himself either. He wanted to be, but he knew deep down that it wasn't the best of ideas.
"Thank you" she said sincerely. "There is the problem of using the head though."
"I'll wait till you get home" he said.
"Are you sure you can hold it for seven hours?" Mac asked. "I could get you an empty Coke bottle or something. Maybe Bud still has that thing he used when he got home after his accident?"
"That's not exactly the kind of thing you wanna borrow, Mac" he replied with a laugh. "I've held it for longer than 7 hours before, and if I stop drinking this coffee and don't drink too much, I'll be fine."
"Let me just leave the bottle, just in case" Mac requested. "Every time a person tries to not go, they have to go more."
"Point taken" he said. "That'll be fine; that way I'll have it if I get desperate. Hey, speaking of bottles, I thought of something earlier."
"What's that?" she asked.
"Unless you know something I don't" he said as he looked over at Ainsley, "we don't have any bottles to send to day care for her."
"They have some extra bottles" Mac told him. "There are at least three in the freezer there. Don't worry."
"Okay, great" he said. "Not sure what we'd have done otherwise!"
"Thanks for remembering, honey" Mac smiled at him. "Now if you are set I have to take a shower and get dressed. Want to play with your daughter?"
"Can't think of too many things I enjoy more" he replied with a smile.
Mac bent over and lifted Ainsley off her blanket, an action which her daughter protested.
"Oh, baby girl" said Harm as he reached out to take her, "come see me while mommy takes her shower. You can have tummy time with daddy, okay?" he said as he positioned the baby against himself, tummy-to-tummy. "Ainsley, look at me" he said softly, "look at daddy." The baby's fussiness died down, and her little blue eyes made contact with her father's matching pair. "Hi, beautiful!" he said with a smile, which the baby immediately copied. She had her daddy's smile, which aside from her eyes was always one of the first things people would comment on.
"You're not worried about me, are you?" he asked her. "No, you know your daddy can handle this, huh?" The baby looked at him and laughed. "Oh, you're laughing at me? Ainsley Rose Rabb, I thought you loved me." He stuck out his lower lip the way Ainsley always did just before she pitched a fit, but when he saw she was beginning to cry, he quickly smiled at her instead. As always, his smile made her tears disappear and within seconds both her smile and his were ear-to-ear.
Mac hurried in the shower wanting to spend as much time with Harm as she could before she had to leave. She had a terrible feeling about leaving him today, something that even his promise to stay put couldn't ease.
Fifteen minutes later she was out of the shower and stepped back into the bedroom to find Harm and Ainsley both smiling and happy. "She loves doing that with you" Mac smiled as she watched the baby snuggling with her daddy.
"I know" he said, beaming with pride. "It's mutual."
"Still feeling good?" she asked him as she began dressing.
"Mm-hmm, pretty good" he said, bringing the baby up a little closer so he could kiss her head.
"I hope it lasts" she said. "But I'm still calling Dr. Peddie. I won't listen to or heed any argument so don't waste your strength."
"I wouldn't dream of it" he replied with a grin as Ainsley gummed his index finger. "Any chance we're getting close to teething?" he asked.
"I don't know" Mac replied. "Are her gums red or puffy?" she asked, as she powdered her nose.
As Harm tried to remove his finger from his daughter's mouth to peek at her gums, she once again let her displeasure be known.
"I don't think they're puffy" he said, "but she's gnawing the daylights out of my finger. I bet she's gonna be a load of fun to nurse once she starts doing this while she eats."
"She's already doing that while she eats" Mac replied. "She's bruising the heck out of me."
"How badly?" he asked her. "Enough to stop?"
"Enough to make me consider it daily" Mac replied as she pinned on her insignia and moved back to Harm's side. "That is, until I look down at her while she's doing it. That's too precious an experience to give up for a little bruising. I wish I didn't have to go in today. I don't feel right."
"I know you don't" he said, reaching out to place his hand on hers. "It's only for a few hours, though, and I promise I'll stay right here the whole time. I've got the cordless phone right here, and if you'll bring me the TV remote and my cell phone, maybe a few snacks, I should be all set."
"Okay" Mac sighed. "You want your pill or some breakfast?"
"Both would be great" he said. "Would you fix me some peanut butter toast and scrambled eggs? Do you have time for that? If not, some cold Pop Tarts and a glass of milk will be fine."
"I think I can manage the eggs and toast" Mac replied and leaned over. "Kiss?"
"Certainly" he answered, craning his neck up just an inch or so to kiss his wife.
"I'll be right back" she told him, and headed to the kitchen to fix his breakfast.
Fifteen minutes later Mac was back with his breakfast, his juice and pill, and an empty Coke bottle. There was also an apple and a baggie of grapes. "Here you go, Flyboy. All set" she announced as she set the tray down. "I also put some fruit on there for you to have while I'm gone. I have to get going."
"Thanks, babe" he said. "That looks great. Have you got everything you need for her?" he asked, nodding towards the baby, who was still busily chomping at his finger.
"Yeah, I packed the diaper bag last night" she told him. "She's all set, you're all set...So I'm off. I'll call you a lot today, okay. If you start to hurt worse you call me ASAP, that's an order Commander!"
"Aye aye, Colonel!" he replied, his usual mock salute replaced with a Flyboy smile.
With that and another quick kiss, Mac lifted Ainsley and was gone.
Mac arrived at JAG HQ just under the wire after hitting some traffic and dropping off a fussy Ainsley at daycare. It seemed everywhere she turned she was assaulted with questions about the honeymoon, the baby, and of course Harm's back. It was in fact a miracle she finished anything that morning, but thankfully she did. In fact, in spite of her worries about Harm and the baby, she had quite a productive morning until her phone rang.
"Mackenzie-Rabb" she said into the receiver. That was her legal last name, though most of the time outside of the office, she just used Rabb.
Mac listened to the caller, a worker from Ainsley's daycare. With each word the woman spoke her heart beat faster. "I see" Mac sighed. "She did have a bad experience with a bottle lately and since then...Of course, I'll be there as soon as I can. Thank you for calling."
Mac rose from her desk so quickly she knocked her chair into the radiator behind her. At warp speed she made her way to the General's office and knocked on his private door.
"Enter!" he called out, an order which Mac quickly followed.
"At ease" said the General, looking up at Mac. "What can I help you with, Colonel?"
"I need to leave immediately, Sir" Mac informed him.
"For what reason?" he asked.
"My baby, Sir" she replied. "Her daycare called, she's refusing to eat, Sir and I must go and tend to her."
"I take it you're the only one who can handle this particular situation?" he asked.
"Yes, Sir" she replied. "And...Well, that would bring me to a secondary request Sir."
"I'm listening" he stated.
"Sir, I request a schedule of ten until one until such time as Commander Rabb is healed and Ainsley has recovered fully from her ordeal" Mac said in a rush. "My family needs me, Sir."
"Colonel, I thought we discussed this before" he said. "You're needed here as well." He was quiet for a moment, obviously thinking things over. "In addition to being in the office for 3 hours a day, would you be willing to work from home for the other 5 hours of your workday?"
"Yes, Sir" Mac replied. "I certainly would."
He nodded. "Very well, then" he said. "Effective immediately your schedule will be as we discussed, and we'll re-evaluate your family situation in one week and determine if any further changes are warranted. Anything else, Colonel?"
"No, Sir" Mac replied. "Nothing except my gratitude, Sir."
"Go take care of your baby, Colonel" answered the General. "That'll be all."
"Aye, Aye, Sir" Mac replied before executing an about face and exiting his office.
Harm was lying in bed, bored out of his mind. He'd surfed every channel at least a dozen times, thumbed through a flight magazine that was on his bed side table as well as one of Mac's parenting magazines, and tried to take a nap but he wasn't very sleepy. He looked around the room at all the pictures on the wall, the ones he could see anyway. There was one of them in Santa Monica the night they got engaged. He remembered back to that night, how magical it was. Mac was just over 6 months pregnant and looked amazing in that long purple dress. There was one of the three of them the day Ainsley came home from the hospital. He smiled as he remembered how special that day was. Beside that was the 16 by 20 of their wedding portrait, a permanent reminder of what a wonderful life he had. He was lost in thought when he heard the front door open.
"Mac?" he called. "Mattie?"
"It's me, honey" Mac called. "Me and Ainsley." Mac balanced the baby and half of her desk as she made her way to the bedroom.
"Everything okay?" he called back, worried about why they were home so soon.
"Yes and no" she replied as she made it to the room and dropped the files on the bed. "Your daughter is being stubborn."
"Oh, my daughter is, is she?" he replied with a smile. "What did my daughter do?"
"She refused her bottle, then dissolved into complete hysterics, so the day care called me and I had go over and feed her" Mac replied sitting down on the bed next to him. "Then on the way home she dropped her rattle and would not stop crying until I got it for her, so I had to pull over and..."
"Sounds like you've had a rough afternoon" he replied. "Creswell let you come home, though; that's good."
"Yeah, but he had conditions" she replied and motioned to the files on the bed. "Lots of them."
Harm glanced over at the array of files spread across the bed. "Work from home?" he asked.
"Five hours a day, I have to pull the other three at JAG" she sighed. "And of course I'm full up; I have my case load, half of yours, but enough about that, how are you feeling?"
"Aside from being bored silly?" he asked. "I'm feeling fine; not much pain at all."
"That's good. I did get a chance to call Dr. Peddie" she replied and finally began to remove Ainsley's outerwear.
"Oh?" asked Harm. "What'd he say? Did you talk to him or just a nurse?"
"I talked to his PA who said he can see you tomorrow at 1400. She's sending a van for you" Mac replied.
"Will you be here?" he asked. "Which 3 hours a day does the General have you working at HQ?"
"1000-1300" Mac replied. "I'll meet you there, I promise. She has to send an EMT crew."
Harm rolled his eyes. "I suppose she does, but I'm really not in that bad of shape, you know? I can't drive myself, but an EMT crew just seems pretty extreme."
"You aren't supposed to sit up" Mac reminded him. "If you really don't want them I'll tell her I'll bring you in and you can stretch out in the back of the SUV, but..."
"No, it's okay" he said. "I don't want you to have to leave work early or have to rush us there in time for the appointment. I'll go with the EMT's, it's not a problem."
Mac leaned forward and patted his head. "Good flyboy" she praised. "Want a baby?"
"Most definitely" he replied with a smile. "Come here, baby girl" he said, holding out his hands towards Ainsley.
Ainsley babbled and reached her little arms out towards her daddy as Mac transferred her over to him. "I have to start reading some of these" Mac told him. "You two play nice."
"We'll play nice" he said. "You go get into come comfy clothes and get as much work done as you can. I'll holler if I need you, but we should be fine for awhile."
"Thanks" Mac sighed. "She should be okay for another two hours on food. You rest easy."
"Tell mommy we'll just lay here and play" he said to the baby, taking her little hand and giving it a kiss.
As if to obey her daddy, Ainsley giggled at Mac then started blowing bubbles at Harm.
Mac sat down at the kitchen table and spread out the files. Most of them were generic things like drunk and disorderlies, reckless driving, unpaid parking tickets, and one civil law suit. It peaked her interest, but she decided it best to deal with the simpler things first.
She waded through depositions and petitions from convening authorities, making notes and so on until...
"Hey babe" called Harm.
"Yeah" Mac called not wanting to have to interrupt her momentum.
"I think she's hungry" he called back to her.
"Oh" Mac groaned and stood up. She dragged her tired body into the bedroom, "We have to get her to take bottles again. I'm swamped out there."
"Do we have any?" he asked.
"One more" Mac replied. "But she won't take it. You tried last night."
"You're right though" he said as Ainsley began to cry louder, "we have to get her used to taking bottles again. You wanna warm up the one you've got out there and I'll be the bad guy and make her take it?"
"Normally I'd say no, but she has to do it again eventually" Mac replied. "I'll be right back."
It didn't take long for Mac to heat up the bottle of milk and bring it back to Harm. "She's really getting upset. I don't know if she'll take it."
"Let's give it 15 minutes or so" he said as he cradled Ainsley and reached for the bottle. "If she works herself into a panic, we'll have to try again later. Think you can work on saving another bottle while you're reading files?"
"That I can do" Mac replied going to get her breast pump. "Good luck with this."
"Okay, beautiful" he said to the baby as she lay screaming in his arms. "I know this isn't want you really want, but you've got to get used to it again." He put the bottle to her mouth, and as expected, she wanted nothing to do with it. He knew all he could do was continue to try for the next few minutes. He hated it, but he knew it was what had to be done.
Mac tried to continue reading the files as she listened to her baby's cries turn into screams. She didn't really think Ainsley would take a bottle from Harm or anyone else. Mac's heart broke as she listened to her baby, and she was just about to break down and go into get her when the screaming stopped and was replaced with silence. Mac rose from the sofa, walked back to the bedroom and peeked around the door.
She saw Ainsley lying in her daddy's arms, heartily taking the bottle. She could see the baby's little body shudder every few moments as she calmed down from her screaming fit, but the important thing was she was taking the bottle. Harm looked at Mac and gave her a spectacular smile, and then mouthed to her "we're good, get back to work."
Mac returned his smile and did just that.
The rest of the evening seemed to fly by as Mac worked on her case load. She took a break to fix dinner and eat it in the bedroom with Harm before he gave Ainsley another bottle. Afterwards, she bathed the baby and gave her back to Harm for another hour so she could finish a file she'd been reading earlier. Once that was done, she sat in the bedroom with Harm and nursed Ainsley before putting her, almost asleep, into her crib and then busying herself with Harm's bath and back rub. By the time she got to bed herself, it was well after midnight and she fell right to sleep.
The next morning found Mac awakening first to go and feed a crying Ainsley. Harm had had a difficult night's sleep, she could tell by how much shifting he'd done and how his brow was furrowed. She'd have to wake him and make him use the head before she showered, then she hoped she'd be able to get him to nap until it was time to go to Dr. Peddie's.
Once the baby was fed, burped and changed, Mac woke Mattie, and then returned to Harm. He was groggy, having not had much sleep but said he wasn't feeling too badly. Working together, they got him to the bathroom and into clean sweats. By the time they were finished he was totally spent. "How you doing, babe?" she asked him as she fluffed his neck pillow and finished situating him in the bed.
"I don't know why I'm so out of it today" he said. "I didn't do anything yesterday; I slept all night, why am I so exhausted?"
"I don't know, sweetie. We'll let the doctor tell you, okay?" Mac stroked his head. "You didn't sleep peacefully, that much I can tell you."
"Did I keep you up?" he asked.
"Not really, but you kept shifting and making sounds" she replied. "I heard you mostly when I got up to pee. Anything you want to tell me?"
"No..." he said with a sigh. "I must be nervous about this appointment, I guess. I'm hoping he says it's still not bad enough to need surgery, but the down side to that would be that this could happen again and I'm tired of dealing with it."
"I know you are, honey" Mac sympathized. "Let's see what our options are. How's the pain? You were huffing and puffing a bit in the head."
"Little worse than yesterday" he admitted. "Not terrible though, I'll live."
"Worse?" Mac immediately grew concerned. "Shouldn't it be better?"
He shook his head. "It does this sometimes; gets better then a little worse and then better again. Don't worry, babe; my back loves to play tricks on me."
Mac nodded. "I better get off to the office. I'll see you at Dr. Peddie's at 1400, okay? You listen to the medics."
"I will" he promised her. "Got everything for the baby?"
"Yep, we're all set" she replied leaning over to kiss him. "Get some rest. We'll see you later."
The three hours Mac was at the office were pleasantly uneventful. She asked the General for permission to employ Bud as co-counsel on the drunk and disorderlies, and once approved she spent an hour with Bud going over the finer points of the cases. After finishing up with that, she worked for awhile on one of Harm's cases from before they went on leave for the wedding and honeymoon. He'd been granted a continuance because of the prosecutions need to research a witness further, and the case was due back in court in two days. Needless to say, she would be defending in Harm's place. Before she knew it, her internal clock read 1300, and she quickly packed up the files she needed to work on at home and headed for Bethesda.
For his part, Harm slept most of the day until about 1300 when the persistent knocking at the door woke him. It was then he realized that neither he nor Mac had thought to leave a key or anything so that the medics could get it. Painfully and slowly, he had to get out of bed and meander his way to the front door. Once there the medics eased him onto the stretcher they'd brought and one took Harm's information while the other retrieved Harm's coat and other belongings before transporting him to Bethesda.
He arrived at the hospital before Mac, meaning he had some time alone in the exam room to think about the situation. He was glad to be seeing a new doctor, since new doctors often offered new opinions and new outlooks. Part of him wanted to be told that surgery was a realistic option; that he could have it and be done with the pain from that particular injury forever. Another part of him wasn't too sure about spinal operations; his recent nightmare not helping any. He wasn't sure how to feel about things, so he shifted his focus to looking forward to Mac's arrival. He needed her support, and there was no doubt he'd have it.
Traffic was awful on the way to Bethesda, and Mac arrived at Bethesda with little time to spare. Add to that one very dimwitted Ensign at reception, and by the time Mac got to Dr. Peddie's suite and into Harm's room, she was thoroughly aggravated. "Hey, babe" she greeted. "Sorry I'm late. How was the trip?"
"Fine" he said, holding his arms out to tell her he wanted a hug and kiss. "Guess what we forgot to give any thought to."
Mac walked into his arms and held him a moment, placing a kiss on his lips. "Mid afternoon traffic, idiotic receptionists..." She began.
"Leaving a house key for the medics" chimed Harm.
"Oh, no!" Mac gasped. "How did you..."
"I had to get up and let them in" he said. "Nothing else to do."
"Oh, babe" Mac fretted. "How do you feel?"
"Not all that great" he said, "but since I'd gotten myself up yesterday morning I was able to do it again. Hurt though."
Mac was about to lean over and kiss him again when the door opened. "Good afternoon Commander, Colonel" the tall red headed man greeted. "I'm Lieutenant Commander Bryan Peddie."
"Commander" said Harm, offering his hand to the doctor.
"Before I examine you I'd like you to give me a history of the injury" said Dr. Peddie. "When you sustained it, how, the other times you've had trouble with it...I've read your records and viewed you tests but I'd like to hear you tell it."
"It began when I was involved in a ramp strike back in '91" said Harm. "I had other injuries, too, but this is the only one that hung around. Since then I've had to punch out of two more F-14's, I crash landed a two-seater and I've been in a head-on car crash." He squeezed Mac's hand as he spoke.
"Wow, impressive" Dr. Peddie smirked. "How many flare ups have you had since 1991?" he asked.
Harm counted in his head. "Maybe 4 or 5 of any significance" he replied. "Probably 6 or 8 smaller ones, just a mild back ache sort of thing."
"Out of the 5 major flare ups, which one has been the worst?" Dr. Peddie asked, writing down the information on a note pad.
"That would be a toss up between this one and the one about 3 years ago" he answered. "That one I couldn't walk no matter how I tried; this time I can walk but it's not a lot of fun and the pain was much more severe throughout this time."
The doctor nodded, "Any leg involvement this time other then the normal radiation? Any numbness, tingling, loss of feeling?"
Harm nodded. "Two nights ago when I was rolling over."
"What happened, in detail?" Dr. Peddie seemed very interested in this.
"I went to roll onto my stomach" said Harm, "and about halfway there I felt a terrible shot of pain and then my legs went completely numb. I panicked, but thankfully my wife here knew all the right things to do. She massaged the knot out and whatever nerve I'd compressed was eventually released and the feeling came back as a nasty case of pins and needles."
"Is this the first time that happened?" Dr. Peddie asked. "Have you had pins and needles or tingling since then?"
"No, not since then" he answered, "and yes, that was the first time that had ever happened."
"Okay, how's the pain now?" Dr. Peddie asked rising and moving closer to Harm.
"Bearable" answered Harm.
"On a scale of 1-10" Dr. Peddie pressed.
"Around 3, maybe 4" said Harm. "I took my pain killer this morning, but nothing else since, no Tylenol or anything, which sometimes I have to have in between."
"Alright, Commander. Can you roll over onto your left side please?" he asked. "Your records state compression of Lumbar 1-3 and a herniation of the discs between Lumbar 2 and Lumbar 4" the doctor read off. "Is that correct?"
"That's correct" said Harm as he slowly rolled onto his side, Mac helping him a little bit.
"Tell him about how you felt this morning" Mac told Harm.
"The pain was a little worse this morning than it was when I went to bed" he said. "I told her my back usually does that; gets better then a little worse then better again."
"That's not what I meant and you know it" Mac said sternly.
He gave her his "oh, alright" look before addressing the doctor. "In addition to the pain being a bit worse" he said, "I was really tired this morning and I'm not sure why. Any thoughts?"
"Yeah, probably an acute pain attack overnight," the doctor said matter of factly. "If you were in deep sleep you might have not been aware of it" He said this as he poked around near the area of injury with his hand.
"Oh, ow!" said Harm when the doctor hit a tender spot.
"Try and use the pain scale, Commander" the doctor told him, moving his hand laterally now over a visible abnormality in Harm's back.
"Eight" said Harm, squeezing Mac's hand again. "That spot has always been bad, just ask the Colonel."
"Colonel, has this always been here?" Dr. Peddie asked her indicating the area of concern to him.
Mac looked at where the doctor was pointing. "Not since I've been the one working on him" she said. "This is the first time he's had an episode since we've been together, so I'm learning as we go, but no, I haven't seen that before today."
"Probably wasn't there before today" he doctor said. "Thank you. Commander, your lumbar 2 disc is swollen. Any idea what caused that?"
"That would probably be from walking from the bedroom to the front door to let the paramedics in so they could transport me for the appointment" said Harm. "We foolishly forgot to leave a key for them."
"Can't do that" the doctor said. "This is...I'm going to get some new pictures Commander, but I'm concerned by the amount of swelling. What happens when I press in?" he asked.
"Oh, God!" exclaimed Harm. "Ten! Ten! I can't feel...my legs!"
Mac's hand squeezed down on his. "It's okay. I'm right here."
The doctor let go. "Now what's happening?"
"Pins and needles!" answered Harm. "Don't do that again!" he added in his best prosecutor voice.
"I won't have to" the doctor replied. "Colonel, you stay here and calm your husband. I'm going to get transport to take him for an MRI. I'll be right back."
The doctor left Mac alone with Harm. "I'm sorry, sweetie," she whispered, kissing his brow. "I'm sorry. Take deep breaths."
"You have no idea how much that hurt!" he said.
"Ssh" she whispered. "I know, I know" she comforted. "But he's going to help you, honey. I promise." She kissed his damp cheek again.
"I wonder what he's looking for?" asked Harm, trying to relax as best he could.
"I don't know" she replied. "Is it going away any?"
"Not really" he answered. "How did we both forget to leave a key?"
"Too much on our minds" she replied. "Can I do anything to help?"
"You can tell me that Ainsley cooperated" he said. "Did you get any calls from the day care?"
"Nope" Mac replied. "She's been an angel so far" Mac replied. "Took her bottle and all."
Mac just finished saying this when the transporter came for Harm. "Commander, Sir, I'm hear to take you for your test. Colonel, Ma'am, you can wait outside here until he comes back," the young corpsman told her.
"Thank you" said Mac before turning to Harm and giving him another kiss. "You'll do fine, babe. It's just an MRI, no biggie, okay?"
"I know" he said, giving her hands another squeeze. "Don't run off with any good looking officers while I'm gone, understand?"
"I'll be right here" Mac assured him and sat down to wait.
The hour that Harm was gone seemed to drag on for much longer, but finally she saw him being wheeled down the hall. "Hey, how was it?" she asked him, reaching for his hand.
"Miserable" he answered. "I hope he found what he wanted after all that."
"Pain?" she asked following him into the room. "You look so tired."
"I'm drained" he said weakly. "I wonder if he'll let me have anything for the pain right now?"
"We can ask him when he gets back" she said. "How about a nice warm rub down when we get home, hmm?"
"Okay" he said, "then its lights out for me, I'm just..."
"What, sweetie?" she prompted, caressing his forehead.
"Dead tired" he said, closing his eyes.
"You want to try to nap?" she asked. "I'll wake you when the doctor comes back?"
He shook his head. "No, God willing he won't take that long getting back in here. He said the radiologist had to read the films and give him the report, and then he'd be in."
Mac sighed; it worried her to see him so tired. "What do you want for supper?" she asked him trying to keep him engaged.
"Pizza" he said. "Deep dish with every veggie known to man on it."
"Sure" she replied. "Veggie deep dish it is. How are your legs?"
"Okay" he said with a sigh. "They're ready to be able to run again."
"Good, that's what I like to hear" she replied. "We have to get you well, Sailor. I'm going to need you to walk floors with Ainsley when she starts to cut teeth."
"You think she's getting close?" he asked. "She still hurting you?"
"Yep" Mac replied. "She should start in a couple weeks, month at most" Mac replied.
"That'll be fun" he said sarcastically. "When can we start giving her baby food?"
"Soon" Mac replied. "Probably in about a month. She's nearly doubled her birth weight so..." Mac never finished because a grim faced Dr. Peddie came in.
"That looks like the face of a man with bad news" joked Harm in an attempt to keep himself from being too frightened.
"It is I'm afraid" Dr. Peddie replied. "The nerve has been compromised, it is nearly full on compressed and the disc is swelling considerably. There are signs of deterioration along the entire lumbar region, especially between lumbar 2 and 4. There's a slight herniation of lumbar three's disc now as well" Dr. Peddie replied.
"Okay" said Harm. "So where does this leave us?"
"Well it leaves us with two options, really" Dr. Peddie replied. "The first is the conservative option. Bed rest for another ten days, then a six month physical therapy regiment with pain killers. Or I could perform a disectomy and see where that leaves us."
"How much rehab would be needed after the surgery?" asked Harm.
"About two months of physical therapy, but if you do have the surgery you'll be mobile after the anesthetic wears off" Dr Peddie replied. "Neither will completely cure the pain, but surgery will limit the amount of flare ups. With conservative therapy, there's no telling how or when you'll have the next one."
"My doctors in the past have said I'd probably reach a point where I'd need to think about having surgery" said Harm. "Looks like I'm there, huh?"
"You're not there yet, but I'd think it would be best to strike now" Dr. Peddie replied.
"If I decide to do it, how soon could you get me in?" asked Harm.
"Well, we'd have to wait until this flare up has passed" he replied. "Then I could get you on the OR schedule for the following week. Consider this though...either way, your flying days may be over."
"I know..." replied Harm softly. "I've been afraid of that for a long time; every flare up makes me think about that. Have you ever operated on anyone with this kind of injury who didn't lose their wings afterwards?"
"Yes" he replied. "More do than don't, but this is medicine Commander. Nothing is a certainty."
"I understand" he said. "Can you give the Colonel and I a few minutes to talk it over?"
"You don't have to decide anything now" Dr. Peddie replied. "I'd like to see you again in a couple of days. How's Friday? You can talk it over, sleep on it...Oh, and let me give you this." He handed him a prescription.
"Does Friday work for you?" Harm asked Mac as he took the prescription from the doctor.
"Yeah" she said softly. "What is that?"
"It's for oxytocin, its better for the pain" the doctor replied, "which you can expect to get worse before it gets better. It will make you sleep and you should only take one every eight hours on that dosage. Also don't mix it with any other pain killer. Keep taking the Naproxen to relax the muscles, and Colonel, keep up the salve and massages, they're good for him."
"Yes, please keep up the massages" said Harm.
"If you don't have any other questions, I'll see you both on Friday" Dr. Peddie replied. "The van will be here shortly. Feel better Commander, and please consider the operation." With that, the doctor left them to themselves.
"So..." Mac sighed and looked at Harm's face.
"So..." he echoed. "I guess I'm having surgery, unless you can convince me not to."
Mac bit her lip, "Do we have to talk about it right now?"
"No, I guess not" he said. "Tomorrow, though. I can't have this hanging over our heads all week."
She nodded. "Look, can you wait for the transport team alone? I have to backtrack and pick up the baby."
"Sure" he said. "Can you pick up the pizza on your way back?"
"Sure thing" she replied. "Half veggie, half dead animal?"
"So long as none of your half overlaps with my half" he said with a little smile.
"I'll make sure" she replied and leaned over to give him a kiss. "I love you. See you at home."
"Love you, too" he said.
Mac left Harm and went to pick up Ainsley. She was so shaken by the doctor's report and she had to get herself under control before they talked. If she showed fear, then he would too, and he might opt not to have the operation. On the other hand, spinal surgery was risky, but so was living in constant pain...There was no winning in this situation.
It was on autopilot that she picked Ainsley up, ordered the pizza, retrieved it and drove home.
A/N: Sorry there wasn't more happy fluff in this chapter, but if you'll stick with me, I promise you, it's coming!