Sho didn't care if dad forgot his birthday.

So what if dad forgot the day that his own son had been born? So what if dad had taken a whole week to remember that his own son had turned ten? So what if dad cared more about work and stuff than his son? So what if dad cared so little about his own son, the human being that he had made with his own two hands, that he forgot that his own son had been born ten years ago? Sho didn't care. He didn't even know when dad's birthday was so it was even!

It was.

When Sho had a son…or a daughter…or whatever babies his wife felt like having he would of course remember when they had been born. How did you forget when a human being was born? How did you forget when you made a human being all by yourself! Well the girl helped…but Sho knew that he would not forget when his own kids came out of their mom's stomachs! He would not forget the day that they came out of her belly button or the doctor cut her open or…or…or anything like that! And he wouldn't forget when they turned ten! He would remember and he would always throw them birthday parties and tell them all day a thousand times 'happy birthday' and also they would have all the pancakes that they wanted and also their big sis and all of their friends would be allowed to come with them on their birthdays! And also there would be…..be….be whatever they wanted there to be on their birthdays!

He didn't care if dad remembered his birthday or not, he would remember his kids' birthdays, that was what mattered.

At least everyone else had remembered. It had been nice how he had gotten a breakfast birthday party and there had been presents and also Shimazaki had been there…well he lived there…but he had gotten him this awesome paper that was awesome and not at all hard to draw on because it was awesome and he was the most awesome guy ever and maybe Sho was a little mad that Fukuda had taken him away before he could figure out fun stuff for them to do but that as ok because he had gotten to do a lot of fun stuff with Fukuda and now there was no point in being upset about his birthday because that had been over a week ago and…and now he had Christmas to worry about and stuff….so he needed to stop thinking about his birthday.

Now he had Christmas to think about.

He always drew his own Christmas cards. That was better than what they had at the store. Mom loved all of the Christmas cards that Sho had drawn for her, she had saved them all in a box under her bed, and they were probably still there. Big sis saved the ones he gave her in a folder. Fukuda had a book he kept his in. Dad….Sho had no idea what dad did with the cards that Sho drew for him. Maybe he kept them, maybe he didn't, Sho didn't care. That was why he didn't put as much effort into dad's cards. His just had the Claw symbol on them and said Merry Christmas or something like that. Dad didn't care about Christmas. Dad didn't care about anybody but himself.

Well maybe big sis too.

He had made up with big sis, she had said so, and Sho was trying his best to be happy for her. He had gotten mad when she had told him but he hadn't hit her or yelled at her or anything. He just went to a small dark place and started counting like the book had said. He had hid in his closet and counted to two thousand six hundred and forty three before he was calm enough to come out and hug her and tell her that he was happy for her…even though he wasn't. He wasn't happy for her even though he knew that she should have been. He should have been happy for her because that was what a good little brother would have felt, happiness for his sister, but instead of being happy for her had had just been…sort of mad…

But mostly just all twisted up inside.

Dad loved her. Dad loved her again and he had never stopped loving her…but he still couldn't have bothered to remember Sho's birthday….but he didn't care. Dad never cared about him, had never cared about him, and dad never could care about him. So why did Sho care? He knew that dad didn't care and…and he knew that he didn't care if dad cared or not. He had no reason to feel bad about dad forgetting his birthday or about dad making up with big sis or…or about anything. He should have been happy. He was ten now and Christmas was coming and also there was a party, Shimazaki said that parties were the most fun things ever and Sho trusted him about what was and what not the most fun thing ever, and he should have been happy.

So why did he feel like this?

He didn't know. Maybe it was just too early in the day, or whatever, for figure out how he felt. He had gotten up early and had decided to draw since he couldn't get back to sleep. It had been sort of light out when he got up and now it was even more light out. He wasn't tired. He just…he wanted to draw. He didn't want to go back to his rom. Big sis was there. Big sis being there…he didn't know what was making him feel like this. Like she should have been in dad's room. Like she should have been with dad since he liked her so much better. Like he wanted her to be with dad. Like he wanted her to be far away from him.

It made no sense.

Sho didn't want to be with dad. Sho didn't want to hang out with dad or talk to dad or be around him more than he had to. Dad was mean. Dad was a jerk. Dad didn't care about him at all. The only thing dad cared about was Claw and the only reason he would possibly have to care about Sho was the fact that he was the only boy in the family. The only reason dad had even made Sho was because he needed someone to make more Suzuki's. Girls couldn't inherit the Earth. Girls joined their husband's families. Girls had the husband's family names and that was the only reason that Sho even existed. That was the only reason that dad had even made Sho, so he had someone to make another person called Suzuki. That was the only thing that mattered. Making more people called Suzuki.

If big sis had been big bro then Sho wouldn't have even existed.

Dad had never once forgotten big sis' birthday. He had never once forgotten her birthday, not once in her life, and if he had then he would have been sad about it. Dad said 'sorry' to her sometimes. Dad was always there for her. Even when he was mad at her he was always there for her. She got a day with him, Sunday, and Sho didn't even get his birthday. Big sis got one day out of the week, one of the seven days of the week every single week, and Sho didn't even get one day out of the year. He only had the one day and he didn't even get that!

Calm down.

"One…two…three…four….four and a half…four and three quarters….four and four quarters…five and no quarters…five and a quarter and then half of a quarter….five and a quarter and then half of a quarter and then…whatever comes before half of a quarter…" counted Sho. The room was kind of dark, the light was barely coming in through the windows, but he closed his eyes for good measure. The book had said that he needed to be in a small and dark place where there wasn't a lot of stimulation. Stimulation was bad because it made his brain work when he needed it to calm down. He needed to make himself calm down…even though it was hard. It was hard to calm down and…and stuff like that. But that was ok. It was hard. It was hard but ok because he was working at it and working at it was…was what mattered.

He kept his eyes closed.

He counted and kept his eyes closed. He could hear himself breathing and he could hear the heater rumbling…and he could feel the floor under him….and he could feel how warm the room was…and he could smell the paper and…and it was nice. He stopped counting somewhere around fifty one and a quarter of a quarter of a quarter of a quarter. He stopped counted and then just…felt. He felt and heard and smelled and listened. He let his aura move away from his body. He could sense…

A lot of things.

He could sense big sis asleep in their room. He could sense dad getting dressed in his room. He knew that dad was getting dressed based on how he was moving. He could feel dad putting his arms through the arm holes of his shirt…and he could tell that dad was in front of his mirror…Sho was getting good at this. He smiled. He was getting really good at this. Shimazaki had showed him how to do this before. How to use his aura to see. How to close his eyes and just see the world…and stuff. It was hard…it had been hard…but it was getting easier. The trick was shutting out the world. Like the book said. In order to be calm he had to shut out the world and…and dad had always said that power was nothing without control and he couldn't have control if he was calm…

He was calm now.

He stopped looking at dad. He didn't care that dad put his left arm in his shirt hole and then his right arm and then…he didn't care what dad did. He moved his aura sight over to big sis…and she was sleeping. She was sleeping and something was in her hand…probably Mukai's little baby sock again…and he stopped watching her now. He wondered if he could see outside of his house. Shimazaki said that he could see everything in all directions and he could see things better the closer they were to him. Sho could see…he had to stop thinking of things as in front and in back and just….let himself see. He had to see and also not see…

Because if he figured this out then Shimazaki would think that he was so cool!

Well he said that he already thought that Sho was cool, the coolest kid that he knew, but Sho didn't want to be the coolest kid that he knew. Sho wanted to be the coolest person that he had ever met in his entire life! Then they could be best friends and hang out all the time and build a fort together but one big enough to live in and they could eat pudding for every meal and have at least ten if not twenty dogs and they could have all the candles that they wanted and also they could have coke instead of water even though that would make their insides rot…it would be great! But that couldn't happen if he didn't think that Sho was cool so Sho had to figure out how to do this!

Sho could do this.

He could do a lot of things. He could do a lot of things and…and he may not have been even half the prodigy that big sis was but he could still do things. She couldn't do stuff like this. She couldn't see with her aura, she had never even tried, and she never tried new stuff. Sure she had really strong telekinesis and stuff but she had really bad control. Dad was always saying, had been saying for their entire lives, that big sis had rally bad control. She had bad control over her emotions and she had bad control over her powers and that was what made her weak and…

And Sho knew that he should not have given a…a fuck…about what dad thought.

Sho was himself. He shouldn't have cared if dad thought that his control was good or if he thought that Sho would be a good leader of the world, which was why he had called him leader, or if he only had Sho and was going to make him leader of the world because he was the only boy, or if he even remembered that Sho had been born in the first place…or if…if he cared or….or….

Sho didn't care.

He didn't give a fuck…and he could say that word if he wanted to. Fukuda was…he couldn't see far enough to Fukuda's house…but he could see far enough to next door. Shimazaki let him curse. Shimazaki had taught him how to curse. How you didn't call a guy a bitch and you didn't call a woman a bastard and how you could use fuck as a noun or a verb or an adjective and how you could just say fuck when you were out of ideas and also how you shouldn't call someone a cock sucker unless you wanted to fight and how things could be damned or goddamned but they couldn't be damned or goddamned in the same sentence…

Sho's aura was getting all fuzzy.

He wasn't mad. He wasn't mad but…but his control wasn't as good. His aura was fuzzy and his vision, well aura vision, was getting fuzzy. He could still see Shimazaki, though, and he was near Minegishi. They were all close and….and they were both in the same bed…and now Sho felt mad. He opened his eyes and tried to start counting…and he couldn't get past five. Why was he so mad? He and big sis shared a bed sometimes. He and big sis shared a bed when one of them was feeling bad about something so it was ok. It was ok and…and they were brother and sister so that was ok. Shimazaki and Minegishi weren't brother and…whatever Minegishi was. They were just friends and…and just friends couldn't sleep together in the same bed. That was only for brothers and sisters or married people….and Shimazaki said that he was never getting married. He said that there were too many people out there to settle on just one. He said that settling on just one person was like going to a buffet and only eating one food. So that meant that he wasn't trying to be married to Minegishi or anything like that…but they were still way too close…

They were friends.

But Sho and Shimazaki were friends too. They were friends too and they had never had a sleepover before. They had never…Sho gets kind of red when he thinks about sleeping in the same bed as Shimazaki…because he's ten now. He's ten years old and ten year olds sleep in the same bed. They sleep in their own beds or sometimes with their sisters to make their sisters feel better but they did not even think about sleeping next to their friends. That was weird.

Sho was weird.

He could be so weird sometimes. He hated it when he felt like this. He hated the way that his aura hiccupped. He hated the way that he got all red. He didn't get it. He wished that he could just figure out why he was being this weird. He always got weird when the wanted to be best friends with someone. It had been this way for his entire life….well not exactly like this. This was worse than it had ever been before. He didn't get it. He didn't get it and he knew that it was weird and he just wished that it would stop. He wished that he could replace this weird feeling, it felt sort of like he had swallowed a goldfish and it was swimming around in his stomach instead of dying because stomach acid dissolved fish, with something else. Anything else.

He got his wish.

He could still only see in one direction with his aura. That was something he would have to unlearn, Shimazaki had said, and maybe Sho should have been working harder at unlearning it. He really should have been working harder at unlearning it because now…now he could feel an aura pressing down onto his…and he knew that aura. He was not scared…he wasn't scared much. Not too much. Dad was….dad could be scary…but Sho hadn't given him a reason to punish him….

But dad didn't always need a reason.

"Son. Explain." Said dad. Dad always just told him to explain like he just expected Sho to know what he meant. Well he didn't, he had no clue what dad had meant, because he had been doing a lot of things. He had been drawing and trying to see with his aura and also trying to count to make the weird feelings go away…he had been doing a lot.

And also he didn't even know how to explain.

He had been doing all of that because of feelings but dad didn't understand feelings. He knew that people had them but he, himself, did not have them. At least not that Sho could see. He was mad, mostly, but big sis said that she had seen him happy. She said that she had even seen him smile. That…that was not something that Sho could even imagine. Dad…smiling? What next, a fish riding a bike? Shibata watching the stove so that his food didn't burn on one side? Big sis not making him take a bath every single night even though he wasn't that dirty and she knew how he felt about water?

Dad wouldn't have been able to understand even if Sho had been able to explain.

"I'm making my Christmas cards." Said Sho. He held up the card that he had been drawing. This one was for big sis. It had Elsa on it and also cats because big sis liked Elsa and cats even though hamsters were better pets than cats because they were little and cute and also Merida the arrow princess was better than Elsa because she had red hair and arrows and also there wasn't any of that boring stuff in her movie about love and stuff. Dad's card would be plain. Just the Claw symbol and Merry Christmas. That was all. He didn't really care about Christmas.

He didn't care about anyone other than himself.

"I can see that but that is not what I was referring to. I felt your aura earlier. Why?" asked dad. He didn't seem mad. He didn't seem like he was anything. He was just normal. Normal dad…which was worse than angry dad. At least when he was angry it was the longest possible time before he could be angry with you again. Dad being all normal sucked because he could be mean to you at any time, he could be angry with you at any time, and he could hit you at any time….but Sho didn't care. He had been bit before and he could take it.

"Because I was trying to see with my aura like Shimazaki does." Said Sho with a shrug. He waited for dad to get mad at him for no reason like he always did. He didn't. Sho didn't know how to feel about that. He almost wished that dad would call him a failure or hit him or something. Just to get it out of the way.

"Oh? And how did that go?" asked dad. He didn't seem mad. He didn't seem like anything. Sho had a crazy thought. Maybe he could just make dad mad. Say something mean or stupid or just throw something or yell or…or something. Anything just to get dad being mad out of the way. Sometimes waiting for dad to get mad was worse than dad being mad.

"I could see as far as Shimazaki's house." Said Sho. He wondered if that would make dad mad. Dad must have been able to see much farther with his aura. He was the most powerful esper alive after all. Dad must have been able to see as far as Shimazaki if not farther. Shimazaki could see farther with his aura than Sho could see with his eyes. Like this one time when they had been in the woods together looking for birds to play with and he had found a nest at the very top of a tall tree and it had been so far away….and Sho hadn't even been able to see it from the ground or hear the babies…but Shimazaki had found it. He was the most awesome person who ever lived. Sho wished that he could have been over at his house, even if Minegishi was there, because anywhere was better than being near dad.

"Impressive." Said dad. Sho didn't know how to feel about that. Why was dad calling him that? Why say 'impressive' like it was nothing. Dad…he didn't tell lies….but he was just so….Sho didn't even know what dad was. He just knew that he had to say something before dad popped him over the head for being rude.

"Yeah, I know." Said Sho. He said it with the same shrug that Shimazaki would have. He was so cool like that. Nothing scared him, not even dad, and dad had made him bleed. Sho looked at dad with the same sort of 'nothing in the world could ever scare me because I'm me' sort of energy that Shimazaki had. He was not going to show dad that he was afraid. He would take whatever was coming to him. After all why else would dad bother talking to him? Dad hadn't even been able to remember his birthday….but he could remember how much of a failure that Sho was…how he would never be even half the prodigy that big sis was….

"Is that for your sister?" asked dad. He pointed to the card that Sho had been working on.

"Yeah, it's for big sis." Said Sho with a shrug. He wondered if dad wanted him to stand…well he wasn't going to do it. If dad wanted him to stand up then he would just have to make him. Maybe this would be the thing to set him off. Maybe once he had been set off Sho could just take his punishment and then relax.

"She'll like it. It has the ice queen on it. That's her favorite movie." Said dad. Sho…he knew that he needed to count. He knew that he needed to stay calm and start counting and go somewhere small and dark so he could make his brain be quiet…and he KNEW that he needed to keep his mouth shut….because he could feel his mouth making words…and he was too slow to make them stop…and then they came out-

"So you can remember her favorite movie but you can't remember my birthday?" asked Sho. He covered his mouth as soon as he said that. He put his hand over his mouth and looked up at dad. He waited for dad's aura to flare. He waited for dad to hit him or throw him or yell at him or tell him that he was a failure and that if hadn't been his son he would have been replaced a long time ago….

But none of that happens.

"I know your birthday. It's December first." Said dad. Sho's aura was the one that was flaring. Sho's hands were the ones balling into fists. Sho was the one to jump to his feet. Sho was the one to jab an angry finger in dad's direction. Sho was the one who had lost control. Sho was the one who was about to start hitting. How could he? How could he?! That….that bastard! That fucking bastard! That bastard fuck! That…that other bad words that he was having trouble remembering!

"If you knew when my birthday was then why didn't you day anything!? Why did you wait a whole week before you said anything!?" shouted Sho. Now dad's eyes were narrowed. Sho lowered his arm and took a step back. He could feel his drawing under his feet. He could feel dad's aura flaring against his. He was in for it.

"I am well aware of the date of your birth. I was there when they fileted your mother like a fish to get you out of her. I know that you were born on December first. I just hadn't realized that the first had passed, I have other things to worry about beside you, but I never forgot that you were born on the first. I told you 'happy birthday' once Fukuda brought the date to my attention and I had the Awakened bring you a gift. My part is done. Also lower your voice before you wake your sister up. She needs her rest." Said dad. Sho glared up at him. That was all that he could do. Dad was so big and he was so little….so all he could do was glare at up dad with his fist clenched at his sides.

"All you care about is big sis. You don't care about me at all. That's why you forgot my birthday." Said Sho. He was all but daring dad to hit him now. At least if dad hit him it would be over with. He could get hit and then get healed by Fukuda and then he could spend the rest of the day drawing and relaxing because it was the longest possible time before he got hit again. That was why he said that, all of that, because he didn't care one bit if dad liked big sis best or forgot his birthday or any of that stuff. He didn't care.

He really didn't.

"I care about you as well. I care about you because you are my child and I want you to become an adult. I care about you. I care FOR your sister but I care ABOUT you….and I just told you that I remember that you were born on the first. I simply hadn't noticed the first passing. That's all. Now keep your voice down and let your sister sleep…and don't antagonize her when she wakes up. I'm leaving. You're going to be tiresome today, I can tell, so you just stay here with her. I'll have Shimazaki stay behind too. He's good at keeping you entertained. Goodbye Son. I'll see you at dinnertime. Don't deconstruct your food, it's strange, and it makes your sister anxious." Said dad. He said all of that and then he just left and…and he just left.

He left Sho standing in the middle of the room.

He was….he was and and…and he threw himself down onto the ground. He threw himself down onto the ground and pulled his shirt up over his head and started counting. He kept losing count at around three so he had to start again. He counted and counted and tried his best to keep on counting and…and it was hard…

He tried his best.

He tried to think of nothing, like the book had said, but his brain kept on going back to what dad had said. About how he knew Sho's birthday…that wasn't the point! Knowing the date was pointless if you didn't say 'happy birthday' on that day! Otherwise what was even the point of having special days!? Why not just say Merry Christmas in July and Happy Children's Day in April and Happy New Year in March and-and-and-

And he needed to calm down.

He closed his eyes and got back to counting. He counted and he tried to redirect his thoughts, that was from the book too. He thought about something else. He thought about…not about big sis that would just make him even madder…he thought about how he could spend the whole day with Shimazaki. How they could spend the day at his house…even if Minegishi would probably be there sitting in the corner and reading and being annoying with their reading and making Shimazaki pay attention to them and stuff…well Sho could deal with that. Big sis would keep them distracted, they were her best friend just like their matching bracelets said, and then Sho would be able to hang out with just Shimazaki and they could be best friends and hang out all the time…

He felt better.

Thinking about Shimazaki always made him feel better. They were good friends like that. They were good enough friends that they could hang out together and not need anyone else at all. Nope. Just him and his best friend. That was normal. Big sis hung out with Minegishi all alone all the time. That was normal. Sho was normal. The way he felt was normal. The goldfish in his stomach feeling was normal. Everyone felt like this about their best friend. They must have. They just never talked about it because it was so normal. He liked this feeling….he liked it because it took away the bad, twisted up, feelings that dad left him with. So it was ok to feel like this. it was good to feel like this. As long as the feeling he had inside of himself wasn't anger then it was ok to feel like this. He liked feeling like this.

Sho didn't care if dad had forgotten his birthday, or at least ignored it, because he at least had a best friend who remembered.