A/N: Sorry for the delay - I've been out-of-town, plus my MS (yes, as in Multiple Sclerosis, known about it for 2 and a half years) is in relapse, making it veeery hard to type (left side of my body is numb). Sorry for any bad typos, but my fingers aren't cooperating. :)
Chapter 83:
Mac sat with Ainsley at her breast about to feed her one Saturday morning a few weeks after Harm's surgery. He had gone to the corner store for bagels. Mattie had slept at a friend's house the previous night, andHarm and Mac were looking forward to a lazy Saturday morning together.
The baby fussed and Mac fumbled with her shirt in order to nurse her. Ainsley was so hungry all the time lately, although that mindset was about to change.
Harm, using but not leaning on his cane, slipped his key into the lock and pushed the front door opened only to be greeted by his baby girl's wails and his wife's cry of pain. "Ouch!"
"What's wrong?" he asked, setting the bakery sack on the counter and tossing his keys beside it.
Mac stared at Harm, amazed at what had just happened. She held the baby out to him.
"She bit me" Mac told him, still in shock.
"Bit you?" he asked, taking Ainsley in his hands. "She has teeth? When did that happen?"
"I don't know" Mac said. "All I know is your daughter just bit me and it hurts."
Harm smiled as he tried to comfort the crying baby. "My daughter, huh? Seems like she's always mine when she's being a bit of a challenge, have you noticed that, by chance?"
"That's when she reminds me of you" Mac sighed. "Check her mouth see if there's a tooth."
Harm walked over to the sink and managed to wash his hands while still holding Ainsley. He shook the water off, then slipped his finger inside her mouth, feeling around carefully until...
"Ouch!" he exclaimed, pulling his finger from her mouth.
"Got you too, huh?" Mac sighed. "And its only your finger."
"Definitely got a tooth breaking through" he said. "Maybe more than one, but one for sure."
Just then Ainsley started to cry loudly, little arms flailing about as her daddy held her and her mommy continued to keep the sustenance away.
"I think she needs you, babe" he said, handing the baby back to Mac.
"Can you keep her a minute until I stop seeing stars?" Mac asked him. "And tell her not to do that again."
He chuckled. "I don't think me telling her not to do it will make any difference, babe. She's teething, she's gonna chew on anything she can get into her mouth."
"Then I'm in trouble" Mac laughed and took the baby. "Go easy on Mommy, huh angel?"
Mac held Ainsley to her breast, but to her chagrin she wouldn't latch on.
"Come on Ainsley" Mac cooed. "Its okay. Time for breakfast, huh?" Mac directed the baby's mouth to her again and this time Ainsley began to suck, her little tooth scraping Mac's skin but not digging into it as it had before.
"I'm sorry she hurt you, babe" he said as he pulled the bagels from the sack on the counter.
"So was she" Mac sighed as she stroked the baby's cheek. "But I think that's going to happen every now and again so I best buck up about it. Right, pumpkin?" she asked smiling at the baby as she ate.
"Would you like a blueberry or a plain bagel this morning?" he asked as he started the coffee pot.
"That's the only kind you got?" she asked not looking up at him, too focused on Ainsley's precious baby face.
"Yeah" he replied, "was I supposed to get something else?"
"I thought you'd know that I like seeded bagels by now, that's all" Mac sighed, her jovial mood rapidly dissipating as she stared at Ainsley's face.
Harm thought for a second. "I'm sorry" he said, "I've never known you to care too much what kind of bagels we had." The more he looked at her face as she stared down at their daughter, the more he realized there was more going through Mac's mind than bagels.
"Plain is fine" she replied. "Toast it please."
He nodded, picked up a plain bagel and slipped it into the toaster before pouring two glasses of orange juice and placing them on the table. "Want anything on it?" he asked. "Butter, cream cheese?"
"Sure" Mac replied as she worked to detach Ainsley's mouth in order to burp her and switch sides.
"Which one, babe?" he asked as he opened the fridge.
"Whatever is fine" Mac replied patting the baby's back and noticing for the first time that her hand no longer covered it fully as it once had.
"Okay" he said, grabbing the tub of cinnamon flavored cream cheese just as the toaster popped. He prepared Mac's breakfast and set it in front of her before pulling out his chair and sitting down beside her. He didn't say anything, instead he sat and watched her feed Ainsley and waited for her to make the first move.
"She has teeth, Harm" Mac said after ten minutes of steady silence. "Teeth. Do you know what that means?"
He took a sip of his juice. "Means she's growing up."
Mac disconnected the baby again having felt her little mouth go lax and handed her to Harm to burp while she paced around the kitchen. "Exactly. She's growing up. And look how fast, last night just gums, no teeth and this morning..." She snapped her fingers. "Teeth. Just like that. Next thing you know she'll be walking, running all around. Then she'll go off to school and have friends and boyfriends and before we know it she'll havebeen to college, joined the Corp andmarriedsome guy from Fresno who will take her away so we never see her..."
"Whoa, slow down, sweetie" he said to Mac as he put Ainsley against his shoulder. "I know what you mean about things happening so fast with the teeth and all that, but we need to try not to get lost in thinking so much about what she'll be doing a year from now. We need to enjoy every moment we have with her in the present; she won't be a baby forever, and we're supposed to cherish these times, right?"
"Yes, but...What if she ends up hating us? What if she...I'm sorry, honey. I'm getting all crazy but...I don't want...I don't know how to say this. Its in my heart but I can't get it out of my mouth without sounding like a complete idiot."
"Hating us? Mac, what...what's got you so frazzled this morning, babe?" he asked, rising from the chair with the baby. "I know something's upsetting you; is it really Ainsley, or does it go deeper than that?"
"Well, I kind of despise my mother, and while you were in surgery I overhearda girl on the phonesaying she's rather drive around the city in circles than be near her mother...But that's not it. And it's not her, it's...I don't know what it is."
He walked over to her, holding Ainsley with one arm and reaching out to put the other one around Mac. "I think I know" he said softly, pulling her close.
"Do you?" she asked against his chest, glad to be able to hide there for a while.
"I really think I do" he answered gently. "You're feeling sad that our baby is growing up so fast, and that's got you thinking about the next one."
"You're right" she whispered. "But its more than that, too."
"What else is it?" he asked, maintaining his loving grasp around her shoulder.
"I'm just so scared about trying again...I so scared we'll never be able to do it. I had that dream again last night" she confessed.
"Sweetheart" he said, "our dreams have been playing some rotten tricks on us both lately. Don't let anything you see in your subconscious in the middle of the night add to your fear of trying again. It's enough of a challenge without either of us letting things like that make it worse."
"What tricks have they played on you?" she asked wondering if he'd dreamt anything else scary since he'd woken up screaming a few nights after his back went out.
"Making me think you took her and walked out of my life forever" he said, referring to the only nightmare Mac remembered him having recently. "But I know it was just a nightmare, and I'm sure not spending any time thinking about when it may come true because I know it won't."
"You weren't even a little bit scared that the first part would be true, that the surgery would fail? Sometimes part of our dreams are true, and others are manifestations...You can't tell me you weren't the least bit scared about the surgery" Mac challenged as she pulled back to look at him.
"Sure, I was scared" he said, "but it's natural to be scared about something like that, in the same way it's natural to have some level of fear and apprehension about getting back into fertility testing and all that. Some level, though, doesn't have to be all-consuming, babe."
"That's easy to say, but when its happening to you, its not so easy to do" Mac replied moving further away from him.
He knew he had to be understanding of her feelings while being as encouraging and supportive as possible. "I'll be right back" he said as he left the kitchen with Ainsley. He returned a moment later, having placed her into the baby swing and given her a toy to play with. "Come sit out here with me" he asked Mac when he returned to the kitchen, where she was staring out the window above the sink. "You're awfully down this morning, and I'd like to talk some more."
"There's nothing to talk about" Mac replied. "Things are just going to be the way they are."
He nodded. "True." He stepped in close behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders before softly asking "would you come sit in there with me...just so we can be together? We don't have to talk, but we need to be close."
Mac nodded her head slightly and let him lead her to the sofa.
Once there, they sat next to one another, his arm around her shoulders as her head rested on his chest. They watched Ainsley in her swing, alternating between shaking her toy and chewing on it. After a few moments, Harm leaned his head down closer to Mac's. "She's beautiful, isn't she?"
"She is" Mac agreed. "And our...Harm, I know you want to wait but...I really need to at least get checked. Just to see." she looked up at him, eyes steady not downcast, and not watering, just firm and direct.
"We already decided to get started on that" he said sweetly. "At least, I thought that's what we decided. I'm all for it, especially since you're so ready to get that part of it taken care of."
"Can you call him?" Mac asked, the tiny hint of a smile beginning to show on her face.
He closed the space between them, planting a tender kiss upon her lips. "I can, and I will."
She returned the kiss gently. "You'll call now?"
He nodded. "It's Saturday, but I'll try. First available appointment?"
"As long as it doesn't interfere with your physical therapy" Mac replied. His recovery was still more important to her.
"Understood" he said, giving her one last kiss before rising from the couch and heading towards their bedroom to make the call.
"Harm!" Mac called to him when he was about half way out of the room.
He stopped and returned to the living room. "What, babe?"
"I love you" she said softly. "And I'm sorry I'm neurotic."
"I love you, too" he said with a smile, "and you're far from neurotic. You're...impassioned."
Mac laughed with a bit more heart this time. "Go make that call, and..." She rose and carried his cane to him. "Use the cane next time."
Harm playfully rolled his eyes and reached out to take the cane from her. "If I must" he said, the smile never fading as he turned and continued down the hall.
"Overall, I feel quite confident that everything will come out fine" said Dr. Kendall as he discussed the testing he was planning for Harm and Mac.
"Really, doctor?" Mac asked holding tightly to Harm's hand. "I'm just...I'm more nervous this time I guess."
"Perfectly understandable" replied the doctor. "It's been over a year since the initial testing was done, but you're not telling me anything that's causing me to be ultra concerned that things have gone south again in the time since your delivery, which is good."
"Yeah, that's true" Mac replied. "Harm's had the health troubles this year. All I've had was that one incident with the breastfeeding."
"Incident?" queried Dr. Kendall.
"She went through a brief period while I was laid up" said Harm, "where she was tired all the time, had dizzy spells, she fainted a few times. Her interinst put her on iron and vitamin tablets and since then she's been fine." Mac shot daggers at Harm for mentioning the fainting part of that period of ill health, but he ignored her.
"Well, so long as the matter is being taken care of" said Dr. Kendall. "Do you breastfeed your daughter exclusively?"
"No, she has the bottle sometimes" Mac replied. "But she doesn't really like it."
"Bottles of formula or breast milk?" asked the doctor.
"Breast milk!" Mac replied as if shocked he'd suggest anything else.
Harm intervened. "She had formula only once and it didn't turn out very well. She had a very severe reaction to it. She was hospitalized for three days." He shuddered at the memory.
"Wow" said Dr. Kendall. "I'm sorry to hear that happened." He turned to Mac. "This means that basically you are breastfeeding her exclusively, since she's not taking any formula. Do you hope to do this for her entire first year?"
"I was hoping too, except of course for some baby food when her pediatrician says its okay" Mac replied. "Why, is that a problem?"
"Hopefully not" he said as encouraging as he could, "but it could be. The hormones that support breastfeeding can interfere with your cycles, which is why you haven't had a period since before you conceived 14 months ago. As you begin to decrease the number of feedings, your hormones will regulate and your cycles will start up again. It's not impossible for you to become pregnant again before you ever have a period - I've seen some women experience that very thing, though it's rare."
"So what are you saying, Doc?" Harm asked. "If we want to do this she has to stop breastfeeding?"
"I hope it doesn't come to that" replied the doctor. "But if once we're actually ready to begin a treatment cycle, things aren't in a place where we can figure out what her body is doing with regards to ovulation and such; she may not have much choice."
"Well that about sums that up" Mac said. "I can't stop breastfeeding her. She can't have formula and if I can't feed her..."
"Mac" Harm said gently. "Calm down, honey. He didn't say you definitely had to stop and there are all sorts of formulas out there."
"Yes, Sarah" said Dr. Kendall, "please, please don't let anything about this lead you to feel you'll have to abandon the nursing before you or your daughter is ready. Before I'd ask you to stop completely, we'd try scaling back a little at a time, just until we reached the point where your cycles started up again. Beyond that, you'd be free to nurse her as long as you wished."
Mac let out a sigh of relief. "I wouldn't want to have to wean her before she's a year if I don't have to. But what if I do? What does she eat then?"
"By about 9 months" said the doctor, "which is the timetable we're looking at, she'd be able to eat enough other things in conjunction with the breastfeeding that she'd be just fine."
"Could we ever try her on another kind of formula?" Harm asked in spite of Mac's nails now digging into his skin. He turned to her, "It's a fair question, honey."
"Sure, you could" said the doctor without hesitation. "If necessary, she could even go on a special hypo-allergenic formula for a couple of months. Try to remember, Sarah, that we're still looking at a span of another 4 or 5 months before we're ready to do any treatment. By then she'll be on baby food and even a few finger foods such as Cheerios and the like. Worst case scenario, as far as the breastfeeding goes at that time would be you'd have to cut back to a couple of times a day, and she'd get the remainder of her nutrition from the solid foods and a couple bottles of formula each day."
"But she...I'm just not comfortable with the formula after what happened the last time" Mac sighed. "You know that, Harm."
"Yes, I do, and I'm not either, but...Mac, this is something we need to talk about later" he told her. "For now, let's just decide what tests need to be done when."
"One other possibility before we discuss the testing" said Dr. Kendall, "if you're afraid of the whole formula issue, you could pump and freeze as much milk as possible as we get nearer to beginning treatment. That way you'd have it to use for up to three months after that. Would you feel better about doing it that way?"
"Much" Mac replied. "I just can't risk it again. I just can't."
"No reason why you should even have to worry about that" the doctor said with a warm smile. "Now, let's talk a bit about the testing you both need within the following months. As before, Commander, yours is pretty simple and straight forward."
Harm laughed a little at the fact that Dr. Kendall still called Mac by her first name, yet called him by rank. "Do I have to do that again?" he asked sincerely. "I mean, the results were okay last time, and we know the problem so..."
"I won't say you absolutely have to" replied the doctor. "However since it's been over a year since the date of your last test, I feel it'd be in your best interest to repeat it. I'm willing to put money on everything being just fine, as it was before, but you never know for sure without checking."
"Well again its nothing compared to her portion of things so, why not?" Harm sighed. "Does she have to have anything different?" he asked. "Nothing is going to hurt her, will it?"
"Harm, except for the HSG, nothing last time really hurt" Mac replied smiling a small smile at his concern.
"I can't say everything will be free of pain for her" said the doctor sympathetically, "but no, I don't see us needing to do anything other than what we did initially. I want to repeat the hysterosalpingogram to make sure her tubes are still clear, I'll run a few different blood tests as we get closer to beginning treatment, and I don't plan to repeat the laparoscopy unless something surprises me with the HSG."
Harm sighed. "There's no way around that one, the HSG?" He always hated to see her in pain but now that she was his wife, truly his in every way, it gutted him to even think of her having any sort of discomfort, especially when there was no reward immediately following.
"Sorry" said Dr. Kendall, "there's no way we can begin treatment again without repeating that one. If her tubes have become clogged or blocked since the first one, all our efforts at conception would be in vain and we wouldn't know it. I can prescribe some pain killers for her to take beforehand this time, since she had a bit of a tough time with the first procedure, and that should help a great deal."
"I can handle it Harm" Mac replied. "It'll be okay, you'll see."
"I wish we could skip it" said the doctor, "I know it's among the least fun things I make you endure, but it does have an important purpose."
Harm remained silent and nodded while Mac squeezed his hand. "So when do we start the testing?" she asked.
"Much like last time" began the doctor, "we can do your husband's test pretty much any time, and we'll set up your HSG as soon as we get some blood work done to see where your body is at cycle-wise and to make certain you're not pregnant already."
Mac gave a harsh laugh. "We're not that lucky, Dr. Kendall. I thought once, but no."
"I'm sorry" said the doctor. "It seems like a ridiculous thing to test my patients for, but in cases such as yours where you've conceived in the past and now you're nursing and your cycles aren't regulated yet, it's a necessary evil. We certainly wouldn't want to do anything to harm an existing pregnancy."
"We understand, doctor" said Harm, gently squeezing his wife's hand. "It's just the disappointment a few weeks ago was pretty big, so the idea of needing a pregnancy test seems extra cruel."
"I'm sure it does" replied Dr. Kendall. "But once we get it out of the way and figure out where we're at in the game, we'll get the HSG booked and go from there. Sound okay to the both of you?"
They both nodded, but Mac still slid closer to Harm for support, the sting of their last disappointment still very much alive.
"Were there any other questions either of you had for me today?" asked the doctor.
"Yeah, just one," Harm spoke up to Mac's surprise. "Do you thinkwe need to start using birth control from now on or would it be okay if she did happen to get pregnant in the swing of things?"
"It'd be perfectly alright with me if you found yourselves blessed in that way" said Dr Kendall with a smile. "There's no need to be concerned about birth control of any kind right now. Granted, if your wife did conceive before we began treatment, she may not know it if her cycles haven't begun because, obviously, she wouldn't miss one. That's exactly why I have to run a pregnancy test before we do anything, but if it comes back positive, we'll be just as excited as you two."
"Thanks, Doc" Harm replied with a warm smile. "You have any questions for him?" he asked Mac.
"No, I think we covered everything for now" Mac replied.
"Wonderful" said the doctor as he rose from his seat. "Just give the office a call when you're ready to get started, or if you think of anything else you need to ask me."
"We will" Harm replied reaching out to shake the doctor's hand.
"It's good to see you both again" said Dr. Kendall, "though I'm sorry there's a need to do this again. You'll do fine, though; I've got faith in you."
Mac smiled and rose to stand next to Harm. "Thank you for that, Dr. Kendall. I have a feeling we'll need it."
Later that night after Ainsley was fed and Mattie was in for the night, Harm and Mac lay in bed together, bodies entwined. She'd clung to him since they left the doctor's office and he'd been content to let her, promising himself he'd address it when they were alone in bed that night. Now, though, the time was here and he wasn't sure what to say, so he let his heart lead.
"Did he say what you expected him to, babe?" he asked.
"Pretty much, yeah" Mac replied as she ran her hand over his chest. "I didn't expect him to say that I had to stop breastfeeding though."
"He didn't say that" said Harm softly. "The way it sounds, you might not even have to cut back on it, but even if you do it won't be for a few more months."
"I'm going to have to, I just sense that" Mac replied. "And I'm really not looking forward to the HSG."
"Yeah, that wasn't a lot of fun the first time around" he said as he reached out for her hand. "It makes sense why he wants to do it again, though. No reason to do a treatment cycle unless we know everything is in good shape."
"What if its not?" she asked so softly he barely heard her.
"If it's not" he replied, equally soft, "we'll deal with it when we're faced with it. I know how hard it is not to worry, but let's really try not to borrow trouble, babe."
"Okay," Mac sighed. "How are you doing? You were up a lot today after therapy, and I forgot to ask."
"I'm fine" he answered, his fingers locked with hers. "It's getting easier, the therapy. I can already say, after only a couple weeks, that I'd have the surgery again in a minute if I had to. Life is so much better when I'm not living it in bed."
"I imagine so" Mac smiled at him. "No more cramps or anything I need to fix?" she asked as she continued to play with his chest, finger running over the nipple.
"Hmm...nope, none" he said, shivering a bit under her touch.
She leaned over and placed a kiss on his chest where she was playing, "I'm glad."
"Me, too" he replied. "I do miss those massages, though."
"Oh, yeah?" she asked. "Which part do you miss? The pain, the numbness...anything in particular?" she asked with another kiss to his nipple.
"Oh, none of those" he answered, his heart beginning to beat a little bit faster. "The massages themselves, that's all."
"You know what you have to do to get one?" Mac asked as she ran the tip of her index finger around his now aroused flesh.
"No" he said softly. "Do tell me."
"Oh, I think you know" Mac replied, enjoying the affect she was having on him.
He took a hold of her face and pulled it close to his own before he sweetly kissed her lips. "That?" he asked with a wink and a smile.
"Nope" she replied and shook her head with a wicked smile. "But that was a very good try."
He took her shoulders and gently rolled her onto her back and leaned his upper body against hers. "Give you one first?" he asked, his voice low and sensual.
"You're thinking is too complex" Mac replied. "But this could work. It is a very simple thing, my love."
"Simple, hmm?" he said as he brushed the hair off her forehead. He appeared to be thinking when a smile came across his face, and he leaned down against her shoulder so he could whisper into her ear. "May I have a massage, my love?"
"All you had to do was ask" Mac replied. "That's all you ever have to do."
"But sometimes" he said, "guessing is more fun." He slowly pressed his lips to hers once again.
"No" she whispered and pulled away from his kiss.
He was confused. "What's wrong, beautiful?"
"No kissing, no touching, not yet" Mac replied as she slipped out of bed and moved over to his side. "Lie on your back in the middle of the bed."
"Giving orders now, are we, Marine?" he asked with a soft smile as he turned over.
"I'm very good at that, so I've been told" Mac smiled. "I want to play, you game?" She asked with a wicked spark in her eye.
"With you" he said, "always. What'd you have in mind?"
"Well basically you lie there and let me tend to you, and you can't do anything but talk to me. No touching, no kissing. I can touch you and kiss you all I want, but you can't."
He laughed a little. "Let me guess, your latest issue of Cosmo came?"
"Nah, this was in last months" Mac replied. "This months I didn't get to yet."
"Sounds...interesting" he said with a grin. "Do we get to trade places halfway through?"
"Not this time, but you can do me tomorrow night. If this works neither one of us will be able to move until morning" she said with a glimmer in her eye.
"Hmm..." he replied. "Well, what are you waiting for? Incapacitate us, my love."
Mac rubbed her hands together and gently placed him at the base of his neck. Shebegan to rub in slow circles at the muscles there, a few or which she found to be pinched and tense. She used her fingertips to get into the small crevices of tissue and awaited his feedback.
"That's nice, babe" he sighed.
"I'm glad" Mac replied. "The key to this is feedback." She continued working on his neck for a little while before she dipped down and worked on his shoulders feeling the strength he'd built there since his injury.
"Mmmm..." he moaned. "I like it."
"That's good, sweetie" she whispered. "Anything tense or sore? Or just keep going down?"
"Keep going" he answered softly. "You know what I like."
"Yeah I do" she whispered, and leaned forward to place a warm kiss on his breastbone. "Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?"
"Yes" he answered, "though I think 'beautiful' is a word far better suited to you."
"No" she replied. "A man can be beautiful when he's strong and solid and sturdy, just like you are." She lifted her body up and ran her hands over his chest before massaging his pecs.
"You...you're good at this game" he said, closing his eyes and enjoying himself.
"You need a little help" she replied. "You've got to tell me how what I'm doing makes you feel. Did I leave that out?"
"Yeah, you did" he said, "but I can oblige."
Mac kept massaging his chest, "Go on."
"This makes me feel…" he thought for a moment, "like you see me as a strong person in your life."
"Oh yeah" she whispered leaning over to take one tight nipple in her teeth. "Why's that?"
His breath hitched as he felt her teeth against his body. "I'm not...not exactly sure. I guess maybe because you're always saying that's what I am. It feels good, your words and your touch."
"I'm glad, sweetie. I want you to feel good" she whispered, moving her hands lower to his stomach gently rubbing there. "You're losing that handle, sailor."
"Not eating for two weeks will do that" he said softly.
"Don't I know it" she replied. "I lost weight too." She ran her finger along to soft skin on his side.
"I like that" he said. "I'm feeling...like we made it through a crisis together, but we've both been a bit changed by it. The love handle you loved so much is gone, but so is our pain from the whole matter with my back."
"I'm glad it's gone, even if I do miss you needing me" Mac replied as she began to run her hands across his hard abdomen, inserting her little finger into his naval to play there for a few seconds.
He laughed a bit. "That tickles."
"Does it?" she asked her voice growing husky. "How about this?" She leaned over him and began to run kisses down his body from the point between his nipples down to his belly button. When she reached that goal she inserted her tongue into the tiny hole and made slow, moist circles around its circumference.
"Mmm...God, baby" he purred. "That just feels...really good."
"Uh, uh" she scolded. "Emotional feelings, Harm" she reminded him and did it again, even slower.
"You're such a stickler" he said playfully as he thought about his emotions. "I'm feeling...sentimental, thinking back to when I used to dream about doing these things with you. Do you have any idea how...good that feels right now...?"
"Nope" she whispered. "How good does it feel?" she whispered, tongue leaving his navel and working its way back up his body until she reached his right nipple, which was highly aroused and sensitive. She took it into her mouth and sucked on it, using her tongue to bathe it gently after she bit down.
"Almost as good as that" he gasped. "How come I don't get to touch you?" he added, his eyes once again closed as he enjoyed the sensations she was invoking on his body.
"I don't know, that's the rule" Mac replied. "It's supposed to help one person to not always be the aggressor or something" she replied moving to his other nipple to give it equal attention.
He sighed, melting into the bed as she worked her magic. "I don't think we're very 'aggressive' in bed, really. Do you?"
"Maybe that wasn't the right word, but usually you are the initiator" Mac replied. "Not that I mind but that can be burdensome after awhile."
"Well, if this is your version of initiation" he whispered, "by all means, relieve me of the burden."
Mac lay across him a moment and took his lips in a soft kiss, one that said "I love you" not "I want you." Then she moved to the side and stepped away from the bed.
"Where are you going, baby?" he asked her, his voice soft and low as he remained sprawled out in the center of the bed.
"Oh, I'm done now" she replied. "I'm going to take a shower."
"You're done?" he exclaimed, hoping she was merely toying with him, as she so often did. "Okay" he sighed, sitting up enough to reach the covers and slowly begin to pull them over himself. "I'll keep that in mind tomorrow night, you know, when it's your turn in the hot seat. Enjoy your shower, sweetie" he added before turning over and smiling to himself.
"Not so fast, Flyboy" Mac laughed. "You used to be able to take a joke. Drop those covers and don't move again if you know what's good for you."
"Yes, ma'am" he chuckled as he tossed the covers back towards the foot of the bed.
A moment later Mac returned with peppermint scented massage oil and a few towels.
Mac sat down on the edge of the bed and before she took the oil in her hands, she slipped her hand beneath his waistband and tugged. "Lift up, sailor."
He raised his eyebrow and smiled just a little as he obliged her request.
A moment later, Mac had slid Harm's shorts down his legs, revealing to her view exactly how excited he had become just from her touch. She reached out and skimmed her hand over the most excited areas of his body. "Having fun yet?" she asked huskily.
She smiled a little. "Not really," she replied. "But I will be." This as she reached for the oil and poured a bit into her hands.
"I'm gonna come out of this little endeavor smelling like a candy cane, aren't I?" he asked in a boyish, sexy voice.
"Yes, but feeling a whole lot better than you have in a long time. Peppermint is relaxing and good for pain and stiffness" Mac replied rubbing her hands together and placing them on his right leg rubbing gently.
He was silent for a few moments as she worked. "It's nice to be able to enjoy this" he eventually whispered. "Not that I didn't enjoy all the times you did it over the past few weeks, but..."
"You didn't enjoy it," Mac said. "I know that, I know your body, remember?" She continued to massage his thigh muscle moving slowly down his legs until she reached his knee cap. Then she ceased her ministrations a moment and placed a kiss there. "What's this doing for you, baby?"
"Making me contemplate the value of a shower" he answered comically. "A very cold one."
"You won't need that" Mac replied. "I"ll take care of you, you'll see." This as she moved her hands lower to concentrate on his well formed calf. "I love your legs, did I ever tell you that. So long and sexy...beautiful."
He sighed; her hands felt so good. "You have" he answered softly. "I remember when we were first trying for Ainsley; one night you said it was a toss-up between my legs and my six as your favorite feature of mine."
"I think I solved that dilemma" she replied running her hands up and down his calf, working the muscles until they were soft under her touch.
"Glad to hear it" he said, shifting against the pillow and sliding a little deeper into the bed.
"Okay, your choice" Mac said gently. "I can do the other leg first or I can work on your foot and then the other leg. Which would you like?"
"Other leg" he answered. "Stir it up a bit, ya know?" He smiled and gave her a little wink.
"You are not doing your part, though sailor" Mac scolded. "You're supposed to be talking to me while I do this." She rose and moved to start on his other leg, this time starting at the bottom and working her way up.
"I'm sorry" he sighed, "I'll try to do better."
"Good" Mac replied as she moved in slow circles over his other leg. She knew what it made her feel inside, but she wanted to hear his feelings.
"I'm...I'm trying to figure out what emotions go with this, baby" he said, eyes once more closed and hands behind his head. "Truth is, when you're touching me, it's all I can do to communicate in the English language. That's what being with you like this does to me...and I love it."
Mac moved her hands and her attentions higher concentrating on the inside of his thigh. His words were so beautiful that last time - she made him incoherent, and he loved it - it made her eyes well up until one tear escaped and fell upon his leg.
"That feels really nice, Mac" he whispered as she gently massaged his thigh. "You know just how to do that to make me melt."
She sniffed back the emotions clogging her throat, "Well I aim to please," she replied as she let her hand brush againstall the right placesas she finished his leg.
"You meant to do that, didn't you?" he asked playfully, opening his eyes just a bit.
"You bet" she replied moving away from him again and settling herself sideways at the end of the bed.
Mac took one of his feet and placed it gently on her lap. She ran her hand over the edge of it first tracing the outline, and then she ran her fingers gently up the sole from heel to toe before she began to massage the limb.
"Mmm..." was all he could think of to say.
"You like that, baby?" she asked, fingers working on the arch of his foot rubbing away the tension she felt there from daily abuse. She remembered something she read once about how the nerves in the feet connected to other nerves in the body so she asked softly, "Got any aches in this body, baby?" she asked.
"Shoulders are a little tight" he answered, his voice indicating how lost he was in what she was doing with his foot.
Mac closed her eyes to recall the position on his foot that would help loosen his shoulders and moved her fingers there pressing gently then increasing the pressure slightly. "How's that feel?"
"Oh, wow..." he sighed. "You're amazing, you know that?"
"So you tell me" she replied. "How're those shoulders?"
"A little better" he answered quietly, "but they'd be a lot better with your hands on them."
"I"ll get there" she whispered, leaning over to run her lips across the top of his foot before she shifted the other one into her lap. "You know, you...I can't believe how strong you are, I mean emotionally strong," Mac said as she worked her touch very light this time on his other foot.
"Only because I have you in my life" he said. "You still touching me?"
"Yes" she whispered and continued to rub the bottom of his foot lightly. "I don't think that's true," she replied not pressing any harder.
"It is" he said with certainty. "These last few weeks, I could have gone through them without you, but I hate to think about what that would have been like. You're the one who kept me sane in my worst moments, baby." He quieted and focused on the barely-there touches she was placing on his foot. "That feels amazing..."
"Sometimes I wonder..." she began but stopped. This was supposed to be about him.
"Wonder about what?" he asked, taking in a deep, relaxing breath.
"If you notice how much I've changed. I notice and sometimes I don't really like it" she confessed setting his foot down on the bed and moving to sit near his head.
"If you've changed" he said, reaching out to touch her hand, "it's only been because we've changed. Look at everything we have now that only a couple years ago was a dream; a wish that we weren't sure would ever be granted. I love you like crazy, Mac, changes and all."
With a warm smile that lit her entire face she replied, "I love you too. Are you ready for round two?" she asked him hand going to hold onto his.
"Very much so" he answered with a smile that rivaled hers.
"Roll over onto your belly" she requested. "I'll be careful of the cut, I promise."
With careful precision, Harm did as he was asked and assumed a position on his stomach in the center of their bed.
Mac poured more oils onto her hands and began to massage the base of his neck. "Lots of knots in here, baby. Why?"
"Dunno" he muttered. "Think you can get rid of them for me?"
"I'll do my best" Mac replied and set to work on the knots. "These don't pinch you?" she asked.
"Nuh-uh" he answered. "Just tight is all."
"I get these too" she replied using a gentler touch as the knots gave way. "You think at all about when you might go back to JAG?"
"Might go back half days by the middle of next week" he said quietly. "Dr. Peddie won't clear me for full duty until I get a few more weeks of PT behind me."
"How is the PT going?" she asked moving from his now pliant neck to his shoulders. "Let me know when I hit the sore spot" she told him.
"I will" he said. "It's good; doesn't hurt as much now as the first couple sessions."
"You never told me" she replied rubbing his tight muscles. "I could have helped."
"It's okay" he said. "It wasn't anything terrible; just normal stuff for my kind of operation. Oooh, right there..." he said as she hit the spot in his shoulders that ached more than the rest.
"Oh, I see" she whispered pressing her fingers a bit deeper into his flesh. "Working out too hard in PT?"
"I try not to" he said, "but I'm ready to be back to 100 percent and sometimes I get a little over-zealous. Aah! Right there, yeah, ooh, that feels good..."
"I'm glad, baby" Mac whispered lightening her touch as the tension lessened. "If you push yourself too hard you'll do more harm than good" Mac scolded gently. "And next time you come home sore, please tell me. How's that now?"
"That's...really nice" he sighed against his pillow.
"Can I move on or does it need more attention?" she asked softly.
"It's better now, baby" he answered in a low voice. "You can move on."
She kissed her way across his back until she reached the other shoulder then set to work there. "This one tight too, it doesn't feel as bad."
"It's not" he confirmed. "Just the right side, but it's better."
"You still favoring your right side?" she asked
He nodded as much as he was able while lying face-down against his pillow. "Doc says that'll get better once the muscles he worked with stretch fully. No biggie, baby."
"I just want to make sure you're okay" Mac sighed working her way down his back, gently tracing the scar resulting from Dr. Peddie's cut.
"I am" he said, softly and simply. "The worst is behind me, and I've got you beside me. Life's...so good."
"Have you talked to Dr. Smith?" Mac asked, praying he'd say "No" but knowing better.
"Two days ago" he answered quietly. "The choice is still up to me."
"And?" she prompted. "When is your physical?"
"In 6 weeks" he said. "But let's not talk about this right now, baby. I don't want to talk about neurologists or flight surgeons or PT or flight physicals, I want to...just be in the here and now...with you."
"You have me" she whispered. "I love you so much. I missed you so much" she whispered her hands running down his back.
He rolled onto his side, reached his arms up and pulled her into a passionate embrace as he slid his hand behind her head to bring her in for a kiss.
"Mmm, Harm no" Mac gasped. "We're not finished."
"I know" he said as he kissed her. "But I can't keep my hands off you another second."
"But we're...we're not supposed to..." She whispered her protest dying in her throat as she assaulted her lips with his.
"I don't care what Cosmo says we're not supposed to do" he whispered as he pulled away from her lips only long enough to speak his piece. "I've missed you, Mac. God, I've..." He pressed his lips against hers once again.
"I didn't..." she gasped. "Mean the Cosmo." Yet she still surrendered to his kiss.
"The doctor?" he asked as his lips moved to her neck.
"Yes" she gasped and arched her neck to give him better access. "You're still not healed."
"Close enough" he countered breathily, "as long as you do most of the work. I need you, baby."
"Yes you do" she replied. "I guess my plan worked a little too well, huh?"
"Far as I'm concerned" he said as his lips continued to work on her neck, "it worked beautifully." He moved his lips back to her mouth and resumed their impassioned kiss from before.
"I need you to touch me" Mac whispered in between kisses. "You know where."
He didn't question her; he didn't have to. As he maintained their sweet kiss, he reached out one hand to feel her breasts through her night shirt. First one, then the other; gently, then a little harder.
Mac shuddered under his touch and whimpered, "Oh" she moaned then whispered a barely audible, "Off. Off."
"Sit up for a second" he said quietly as he pulled away from her just a little.
Unsure of why he made that request Mac struggled to sit herself up as he'd asked. "What are you going to do?" she asked breathily.
"Give you what you asked for" he replied, himself working hard for breath as he sat up, took a hold of the bottom of her shirt and lifted it towards her upper body. Once he had it off of her, he tossed it onto the floor beside the bed, and sat for a short moment in reverie of the sight before him.
"What?" she asked him as she gently touched his cheek when she noticed her was staring.
He shook his head a little. "You're just...so amazing..."
"Show me" she whispered leaning her head towards him. "I need you to touch me. I need you..."
He reached out and pulled her into another powerful kiss, lying back as he did so and bringing her with him. His hand returned to work on her breasts, gently brushing over the tops of them in the way he knew she loved.
Again, all she could offer was pathetic whimpers in response to his touch. He knew exactly how to touch her, how to caress her, how to make her feel perfect, safe, and most of all loved.
"You like that?" he asked, moving his lips to her left collarbone as he continued his caresses.
She was beyond any ability for speech, it was all she could do to breathe, in fact she was holding her breath unintentionally, as his fingers moved over her skin.
He knew her silence was his answer. As his lips focused on her collarbone and shoulder, his hand drifted from her breasts down to her stomach, where he continued to administer feather-light touches.
Again he was met with tiny whimpers, this time joined by the lifting of her hips telling him silently what she needed.
"Do you want something, my love?" he asked, deciding that night was going to bring anything but a hurried experience.
"You..." she managed. "I need you...I..."
Capturing her lips with his own once more, he slowly slid his hand down from her stomach to the place she was begging for him to go. He slipped a finger beneath the waistband of her panties, sliding it from left to right and back again before moving it back towards her stomach.
"That's where it will be" she whispered once he lifted his lips from hers for air.
"I know" he replied with a smile and a whisper as his hand rested just over her womb. "It'll be amazing..."
"Give me a baby, Harm" she whispered. "Please."
"Sshh..." he said, moving his hand up to cup her face. "We talked about this, my love. It's...it's not time yet...another few months and-"
"We can just...we can hope for a miracle though, can't we?" she asked softly. "You know, just see what happens."
He smiled at her again, his hand moving from her face as he leaned in to kiss her. "Yeah, we can."
She responded to his kiss by softly speaking against his lips, "I'm sorry we have to do it...you know...that we can't just do it when we want."
"We can't conceive when we want" he whispered, "but we can give fate a chance any time we feel like it."
"I'm not sure I can wait too much longer" Mac gasped. "I'm ready." She meant that in more ways than one.
"Are you?" he asked in a breathy whisper, and ran his hand down her soft leg . "Nah, I don't think you are. Almost, maybe."
"Almost? What do you mean?" she gasped.
"I mean you aren't ready" he replied with a flyboy grin. "You aren't desperate enough, Mac." With that he slipped two long fingers underneath the band of her panties and pulled at them sliding them over her hips just the tiniest bit, then pausing to kiss a line from left to right. He did this as he bore each inch of skin until finally there was no clothing left between them.
"Mmmmm, God, you're so...'" she whispered. "I can't get much more desperate..."
"I want you to beg me, Mac" he whispered as he kissed a line up the inside of her leg, purposefully avoiding the one place she wanted him to go. "I want you to tell me how much you want me. I want you to tell me what you want" he demanded gently as he began to kiss her other leg, this time from the thigh downward.
"Your hands" she whispered. "I want them so bad, sailor..."
'Where do you want them, baby?" he asked her as he neared her foot. Wanting to tease her, to drive her wild with passion he touched one. "Here?"
She shook her head. "Up here" she replied. "All the way up here..."
Running his hands up her legs he moved towards her face and put one large hand on either cheek before kissing her deeply. "Here?"
She replied with a soft nod, allowing her lips to meld with his.
He held her face in his hands running calloused thumbs over smooth flesh, settling his body over hers. "Why here?" he asked breathless from their kiss.
"Because" she answered, equally out-of-breath, "I've never been kissed by anyone else the way you kiss me...it makes me melt..."
He leaned down and kissed her again, softly at first, then pressed his tongue into her mouth. Finally he pulled back and gave her a tiny peck on the lips before showering her face with tiny little kisses. "I love you so much, Mac" he told her as they lay forehead to forehead. "Tell me now. Tell me what you want." This time he said it like a lowly servant catering to the needs of a lovely goddess instead of hungry voracious sailor with an oversized ego. "Tell me, baby."
It was almost unbearably tempting to beg him to finish everything off at that point, but they hadn't been together like this in weeks, not since the honeymoon, and she was determined to dig down deep and find the power to hang on. "I still want your hands" she answered. "All over..."
Harm shifted his weight to his knees and began to run his hands down her arms, rubbing up and down until finally he slid them over to caress her breasts. All capacity of coherent speech left her for that moment as his hands moved about her most sensitive regions. Once she found her voice again, all she could do was beg, but not in the way he was expecting her to.
"Mmmmm...keep doing that..." she whined.
At that request Harm felt the tiniest bit of disappointment, he was aching to be inside of her, to love her, but if this is what she wanted he'd oblige her...for now. He continued to massage her body, all over.
"Is this what you want, baby?" he asked breathlessly. "Or is this?" He pressed his lower body against her tummy.
"Hands" she said, knowing he was ready to move ahead and desiring to tease him as long as she was able to. "God, that feels so...mmmm...do that...keep doing that..."
Again he obliged her, even though his entire body ached for her, he could never deny her anything she wanted. He kept touching her until it dawned on him, she was beating him at his own game. He moved his hands back just as he massaged her most sensitive spot with a little more power, then he simply stopped.
She smiled to herself; he was on to her little ploy, but she wasn't about to let that stop her. "Don't stop" she begged softly as he heart threatened to pound out of her chest. "That feels so good, please..."
"I...I have to have you, baby" he whispered moving his hand again so it pressed against her. "Please, I...I need you so bad."
"In a minute" she replied in a heated whisper as his hands made contact with her body. "Keep doing that...oh, wow..."
He did, he kept touching her hard then soft then harder still, until she was writhing beneath him. "I..I need you, Mac..."."
"I know" she gasped, realizing as she continued to writhe beneath his touch that while she was loving this devious little attack, it was becoming difficult for him to manage. "Slower..." she said, "slow down..."
He did, he rubbed her slower and moved slower slowing the fast paced rhythm they'd fallen into to a slow steady waltz, and ancient waltz known only by true lovers.
"Better, baby?" he asked, still massaging her, his movements becoming sloppy, less calculated as he fought for control over his body.
"Mm-hmm" she whimpered, loving every move he made. "You can stop now...it's okay..."
"Is it?" he asked. "I...I need you but I...I need you to be happy even more" he whispered. "Tell me. Is it...Can I?"
"Not til you come back up here" she whispered. "I wanna ask you something."
Again he obliged her, using every ounce of strength he had left to make it. Finally he laid over her hip to hip and forehead to forehead. "What is it?" he asked softly, worried about what she'd have to say now at such a moment.
"Did that drive you wild?" she asked softly, moving her hands up and down his back as she spoke. "Touching me like that, did you like that?"
"I...Yes..." He breathed. "I loved it..." he moaned. "You...you are...I can never get enough of being...Oh God."
"Ssh..." she soothed, sensing that he was even closer to the edge than he was letting on, if such a thing was possible. "I loved it, too" she whispered. "I always love it when you do that to me. You always take care of me...always put me ahead of yourself..."
He wanted so desperately to continue to do that, but he wasn't sure if he could last. Still, he needed to respond to those loving words. "I have to" he replied. "You are more important. Without you...I have nothing Mac, nothing. No purpose, no direction..."He pressed his hips against hers a bit to relieve the ache and gently touched her chest with one finger. "No heart."
She felt the tears welling up in her eyes. "You're so amazing" she said, determined not to cry. "I've missed this..."
"Me too, baby" he replied and meant it. He didn't want to press her or ask her again to enter her so he held fast. "I'm just glad we have it now, that we made it. I couldn't have made it without you, I wouldn't have wanted to, not this time. I love you so much."
"I love you, too" she answered softly, succeeding at keeping the tears inside as she slid her legs out from beneath his and haphazardly intertwined the two. "You feel up to doing all the work, flyboy?"
"Only if you're ready" he whispered. "Only if it's okay."
"I'm ready" she returned tenderly, a bit concerned about his back, but trusting he'd be as careful as he needed to be. "Show me how much you love me, baby."
And he did. Slowly, he raised his hips and entered her with infinite care and gentleness. He established a slow rhythm not rushing himself or her, although it was building for both of them the entire time they'd been touching. He placed kisses about her face the entire time, worshipping her with his lips and his body until finally neither could hold out any longer.
"Come here" she whispered afterwards, gently pulling his upper body towards hers as they both worked at catching their breath.
Harm slid up until he was lying against her and snuggled close. "What?" he asked thinking she needed him or wanted something.
She leaned over and kissed his lips, very softly and gently. "Did it hurt your back?" she asked mindlessly running her fingers through his hair.
"Not really" he replied. "I don't want to think about that. Just..."
She snuggled in closer to him. "It was nice; almost forgot how much I missed it until we had it back, you know?"
He touched his lips to her shoulder very gently. "I do. Mac?"
"Hmm?" she replied, placing a hand on his chest.
"Can you...Would you hold me tonight?" he asked. He felt the need to be in her arms, head pillowed by her breast. He didn't know why, but he went with his feelings.
"I'd love to hold you" she answered tenderly. "All night long, that is if our first little miracle will sleep through the night." She slid her free hand down to her abdomen.
He reached his hand over to cover hers. "Who knows. Maybe we made another one."
"I don't want to...I don't want to put that on this" she replied. "This was too beautiful all on its own."
"It was" he agreed softly. "But it's okay for us to hope and wonder, isn't it?"
"It is" Mac replied. "I love being like this. Just laying here holding each other like this. It's wonderful."
"I can't think of too many things I love more than this" he said, placing a kiss on her neck. "I think not being able to be together for the past few weeks makes this mean even more."
"Yeah, we should go without more often" Mac teased gently. "Seriously, did it hurt you?"
"Little bit" he admitted, "but not even as much as the night on the beach. I'm okay."
"I'm glad you are," Mac replied. "I...I'm..."
"What?" he asked as he tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear as she lay beside him.
"I'm not sure I could do that again, that's all" she confided. "I'm not sure I could handle it. I barely managed this time."
"You mean tonight?" he asked, hoping he hadn't done anything that hurt her. "Or do you mean on the beach?"
"No, sweetie" Mac replied. "Nothing about that. I meant you like that...I just can't. I don't ever want to do that again."
"Oh, I see" he said softly, reaching for her hand to hold. "I hope we never have to do that again, either, although we don't always get the things we want in life. Heck, look at what it takes for us to have a baby."
"But we will, won't we?" Mac asked knowing if he said it it would be so no matter what. "We'll have another baby. A son. Won't we?"
"We will" he said with a squeeze of her hand. "It doesn't matter to me if it's a son or not, I just want another baby between the two of us. Several more, if you want to know the truth."
"Harm" Mac said her voice cracking. "I don't know how many I can..."
"Hey, don't cry" he said, wrapping his arm around her. "However many more we get to have, that'll be just fine with me. I'd be lying if I said I don't hope for a few more, but when I think about how blessed we are to have Ainsley and about how some couples in our position never have a successful treatment cycle, it's kind of hard to complain too much."
"Will you promise me something?" Mac asked.
"Of course" he answered.
"Promise me we'll have one more baby. no matter what" she whispered, knowing it was going to be impossible for him to do but desperately needing to hear his strong voice give her his promise.
"I...I can't promise you that, my love" he said, wishing with all in him that he could. "I can, though, swear to you on my life and yours that we'll do everything we feel we can do to have one. We make such beautiful babies; it'd be a shame not to try as hard as we can."
"And I know you mean that" Mac whispered. "I just need to hear you say it, Harm. That was the one thing I could always count on. If you said it, then I knew it was true, even when your words hurt."
"We'll do everything we can to make it happen" he said tenderly. "It'd be amazing if we actually did it this time and could go tell Dr. Kendall he can take this try off, but I know that's not very likely."
"I know it isn't" Mac said firmly. "Don't ask me how."
"Yeah" he sighed. "The old adage that it'll happen when we least expect it; after what we went through before, I just don't buy it anymore."
Mac shook her head. "Harm, I don't want to talk about this anymore, okay?"
"Okay" he agreed, shifting in bed beside her as he thought about a change of subject. "Is Mattie getting over that guy from astronomy class?"
"I don't know" Mac replied. "She hasn't talked to me about it. Harm, I think she's seeing him still."
"Still?" asked Harm. "I didn't think she was ever 'seeing him' in the first place. Do you know something I don't?"
"Call it mother's intuition, but she's dating someone and I think it's that guy" Mac replied. "I know teenagers, babe."
He sighed. "Parenting a teenager is so confusing."
"You said that right" Mac sighed and abruptly sat up in bed and slid out of his reach.
He looked at her quizzically. "You okay?"
"Fine" she replied. "I just remembered I'm mad at you, that's all."
His eyes grew wide with panic. "Mad at me? Wh...what'd I do...or not do?"
"You broke a promise" she said going into a full on pout.
His mind began racing over everything he could remember promising her in recent times. "You're gonna have to help me out here, Mac. I can't think of any promise I've broken."
"You did it when you were hurt," she said playfully. "I can't believe you don't remember it. Maybe you just don't want to have to do it."
"If I promised you I'd do something" he said, "I'm sure I want to do it, but can I have a little hint, baby?"
"It required us being very nice to Bud and Harriet" Mac supplied. "Or the Admiral, since he did such a good job last time."
Suddenly it came back to him, and he realized she had it all wrong. "Oooh yeah" he said, "something about leaving Ainsley with any of them and taking a romantic trip to the Cape, which I do believe, my love, was your idea."
"But you promised we could" Mac replied. "That and its fun to play with your head, sailor."
He couldn't hold back his smile. "You're just another of the long line of women who only want me for what's in my head, aren't you."
"Not just your head" she whispered her voice getting serious once again. "I'm more concerned with what's in your heart. I love you."
"I love you, too" he said quietly, reaching his arms out to pull her close once again. "I don't want to spend a night away from you again as long as I live."
"We'll have to eventually" Mac sighed and settled into his arms, letting out a tiny yawn as the impact of their love making began to take hold.
"I know" he whispered. "I don't want to think about it, though."
"Me neither" Mac replied. "I just want to hold each other for the rest of our lives."
Ainsley chose this very moment to beckon her parents' attention. Harm chuckled a little. "The child's timing is uncanny. I'll go get her."
Mac nodded slowly hoping she would still be awake when he returned with the baby.
Harm slid carefully out of bed and padded down the hallway to the nursery, where his daughter lay crying in her crib. As was his routine when he tended to her in the middle of the night, he picked her up and placed a kiss on her cheek before doing or saying anything else. He held her close for just a moment to soothe her, then carried her to the changing table and got her into a fresh diaper. Once he was finished there, he picked her up once again, grabbed her pink fleece blanket and carried her either to the bedroom or to the kitchen, depending on if her mother was awake or not. Tonight he chose the bedroom, knowing if Mac was still awake she'd want to nurse her.
Mac lay with her eyes closed in bed, fighting sleep so she could feed her baby girl if need be. Still, if Harm didn't hurry she might lose the battle.
"Uh-oh" he whispered to the fussy child as he walked into the dimly-lit master bedroom. "Is mommy still awake, or do we need to go have a bottle? What do you think, Ainsley?"
"I'm here" Mac whispered pushing herself up in bed. "Barely but here."
"Do you want her or?" he asked, rocking the baby gently as he stood beside the bed.
"I'll take her" Mac replied reaching up andpulling Ainsley close. "Go easy on Mommy, angel" she whispered to the baby as she set her to her breast. They'd gotten better at this but sometimes Mac still got nipped.
"I think maybe she eats a little more when you feed her" said Harm as he slid back into bed beside his wife and daughter. "Sometimes she only takes half a bottle for me, but most times she'll nurse for at least 20 minutes. Seems like she gets more if you feed her."
"Depends on how hard she's going" Mac replied. "Like now, she's really sucking hard so she'll get a lot; sometimes though she just sort of laps at me. I think she just wants to make sure the milk machine is working."
"We should be able to give her baby food any time now, right?" he asked. "The books I've read say between 5 and 6 months."
'Yeah, i'm thinking we'll start out with something light like applesauce or something and see how she does" Mac replied as she stroked the babies head and stifled another yawn. "You getting tired?"
He nodded. "Yeah. I'm still building my stamina back up, you know?" He smiled in hopes she'd get his meaning.
She did and she smiled a winning smile. "I say your stamina is about back to normal. Want to cuddle with us?"
"Always" he answered, moving in a little closer. "It just amazes me sometimes..."
"What does?" she asked.
"How far we've come" he answered. "From strangers to partners, friends to lovers, parents to husband and wife. It's just...amazing to me."
Mac leaned her head against him and sighed softly, "Me too, Harm. Me too."
A/N: I'll try to get the next chapter posted later this week!