How to Lose Your Ears in Ten Days

Day 4

By YaoiKitten

For Rahzel, for everything you've done for me and being a sweetheart about it.

For Soubi, every Thursday was a late lunch with the Zeroes. He only had morning classes to teach on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. Mondays and Wednesdays were his long days where he taught until late at night, but he had a lengthy break in the afternoon so that he could at least see Ritsuka. The weekends were completely free and also devoted to Ritsuka or group outings - he was fortunate that he taught painting classes and didn't have a lot of grading to do at home. He was able to keep his job and his home life separate, but he was still busy enough where he had to schedule in his friends.

So every Thursday he had lunch with Youji and Natsuo.

As the three of them perused the menu at one of their frequented cafés he listened to the other two squabble. They hadn't changed, not really. They were still the same selfish, unfeeling brats they were the day that he had come home to find that note on his kitchen table. A single verb was all it said. That was so like them. They didn't need any more, any less.

They were a little bit different, he supposed while trying to decide between the shrimp Caesar salad or a tuna wrap. They were seventeen now, all grown up. Like Ritsuka. They had shed their childish lolita clothes and long hair. They blended in with most young adults their age. Until they spoke, that was.

They had also, at some point, lost their ears. Soubi had no doubts that it was to each other, even though the boys never acted like it in public he knew that they were close. They shared the same name, after all, and were bred to be together. Being together for them was imbued into their genes, their very existence. Not like him and Ritsuka.

They were so natural, so comfortable with each other. They were like best friends, or brothers. They were so close they didn't need word spells or physical contact to form a bond. Like they had said before, they knew they could loose their ears at any time. Apparently, one night and a couple bottles of alcohol later, they did.

He wondered if it was really the ears that made them seem so much older than Ritsuka, even though they couldn't come close to his depth of emotional and cognitive maturity.

"Oi! Soubi!"

He wondered what Ritsuka would look like without his ears and tail. More of an adult? Would he loose some of his charm? Would he be enhanced by it, like the Zeroes were?

"Earth to Soubi!"

Soubi jumped. Natsuo had thrown a sugar packet at him that hit him in the face. He looked down at the unassuming little Nutrasweet that managed to land right on his plate, then up at them.

Youji was looking at him with a raised eyebrow while Natsuo was snickering behind his hand. "It's time to order, the pretty waitress is waiting," Youji said carefully.

Soubi noticed that she was, in fact, standing at the table. He cleared his throat, he had never noticed her come up. "I'll have the shrimp Caesar salad."

"And to drink?" she asked, sounding more than a little amused.

"Iced Green tea."

She wrote it down.

"I'll have strawberry pie!" Natsuo chimed in.

"I'm sorry, sir, it's out of season."

Soubi shook his head. It was just like Natsuo to order something outrageous like that. Winter was just melting away, of course it would be a few months before they'd have something like strawberry pie.

Natsuo pouted, then smiled up at her. "Youji, you order for me."

"Eh? Why me?"

"Because I don't know what I want!"

"Maybe I was going to order the same thing as you!"

"Eh? We're in a bind then, aren't we?" They laughed about it, together and in unison. It was creepy.

The waitress looked uncertain. "I can come back again…"

"Just give them the same as me," Soubi interrupted.

She nodded and hurried away. The zeroes pouted. "Maybe we don't like shrimp."

"Pick it out."

"Then all you have is lettuce! Eew!"

Soubi rolled his eyes. It was something he learned from Ritsuka and found himself doing quite a bit when Natsuo and Youji were around. "Then don't eat it."

They looked at each other, and shared something secret between them. They snickered.

Soubi sighed inwardly. They were always like this. Childish.

"So what's bugging you?" Youji asked, looking at Soubi as if he was a specimen under a microscope.

"What makes you think something is bugging me?"

They looked at each other, and there it was again. A silent spark between them.

"We've known you for years. We haven't been friends for all of that time, but we've still known you."

Soubi looked up from his plate. Had that been Natsuo or Youji speaking? Did it even matter?

"There's nothing going on."

"What about Ritsuka?" It was Natsuo this time, Soubi saw the lips move. "How has he been doing?"

"Oh." Soubi realized it in an instant.

"Oh?"

"He's acting strange." Soubi stated this as if it was a fact of his existence.

Youji and Natsuo smiled.

"Is that what's bothering you?"

"Why do he think it's bothering me?" he asked.

"Because it has to do with Ritsuka," Youji told him.

Soubi thought it over, chewing on his words until he could decide what to say. The waitress came and put their food down in front of them. Salads were quick and easy to make. He stared at the little crescents of pink nestled among the leafy greens. "He's just been acting strange?" He worded it like a question, hoping that it would be answer enough to satisfy the Zeroes.

"How so?"

"Well, he's been… clingy. More affectionate. He wants to touch more. He wants to kiss."

Natsuo snorted, running his hands through his short, reddish curls. "Most people wouldn't complain about that."

"Ritsuka's really cute!" Youji added. "I would kiss him."

Natsuo made a little sound that could have been agreement or jealousy.

Soubi shook his head. "It's just not like him. He's always been reluctant about those kind of things."

"God, Soubi, he was a kid then. Of course he would be. You took his first kiss before he could even think about who he wanted to give it to."

Soubi looked away. "It was necessary at the time, to form a bond…"

"He's seventeen," Natsuo reminded him firmly. "He's probably horny."

Soubi looked stricken, the shock was clear on his face. This, of course, caused both Zeroes to laugh uncontrollably. It was very rare to see such an expression on someone like Soubi.

Soubi began to eat his salad, if anything to give him something to do. He attacked it with that damned little three-prong fork that European-styled cafes in Japan were so fond of using. He knew they didn't use little three-prong forks in Europe. They just weren't very practical for salads at all.

"Seriously, Soubi," Youji began. "Boys have needs, you know. Ritsuka isn't above that kind of thing."

Soubi could feel the heat in his cheeks. "I know that. I'm a man too."

"Yeah, but he still has his ears," Natsuo pointed out. "At his age, it's gotta be bothering him."

"Seimei still had his ears at seventeen, and after." Soubi stated this as if it explained everything.

Youji looked at him through a fringe of pale bangs. He spoke slowly, as if Soubi wouldn't understand if he didn't. "That's only because he wouldn't let you hit it."

Soubi glared at them both. It didn't matter that Youji was the one who said it.

"Oh! I get it now!" Natsuo said, laughter in her voice. "That's why you aren't trying to get into Ritsuka's pants! You are afraid of him rejecting you like Seimei did, so you aren't even willing to try!"

"You are just trying to content yourself with being close to him, being in love with him!" Youji continued, catching onto the game as well. "After all, you can't fail if you don't try. You can't be rejected if you don't put in the effort!"

"But is that how Ritsuka feels?" Natsuo asked his partner.

"No, I don't think it is." Youji told him.

"I think Ritsuka wants him."

"I think so too."

"So what are you going to do, Soubi?" They both turned to him and said this in unison, their voice sing-songy and light.

God, it was creepy.

He swallowed his anger. He couldn't get mad at them. He wouldn't let himself. They were being rude, but maybe it was what he wanted, or needed, to hear. "How do you know he, uhm, he wants me?"

"Because he's been trying to tell you. That's why he's acting weird. He's been trying to let you know he's ready for you."

Soubi chewed thoughtfully. It was too good to be true, really. Could he really allow himself to hope? Could he really entertain thoughts of holding Ritsuka close to him, of feeling the other man's heat from the inside out? Could he handle it?

Or would he reject him, the same as Seimei?

The thought of being rejected by Ritsuka hurt. It sent a painful wave across his stomach when he considered the possibility. Like nausea from a carnival ride, only he wasn't going to throw up. So maybe the Zeroes were right. He didn't have to show them that he agreed.

"If Ritsuka wanted something like that from me, he would come out and say it. All he has to do is order me."

Youji cringed at the thought. Look at that, a spark of humanity in the Zeroes. "Where's the romance in that?"

"Ritsuka isn't one to play games."

"When it comes to something he is embarrassed about, yes he is."

"I'm his fighter, not you. What makes you think you know him so much better than me?" Soubi's voice hissed from between his clenched jaw. He was trying very hard to not show his anger and frustration.

Natsuo blinked at him. "Because we don't have our heads stuck up our ass."

"We're not so close to the forest we can't see despite the trees," Youji added.

Soubi stood up and walked to the restrooms. He didn't so much as excuse himself, he just got up and left.

He shut the door behind him and turned on the sink, splashing cold water over his hands and patting down his face. His skin was pink with anger, and the chilled water would help him cool off. He breathed deeply of some kind of masculine air freshener that bothered his nose and opened his eyes to look in the mirror in front of him.

He was twenty-five. Ritsuka was seventeen. Eight years between them. In another year or two, you wouldn't even be able to tell that there was an age gap. Ritsuka had grown up that fast, right before his eyes. He had witnessed it every day for the past five years to the point where he had not even noticed it happening. The only way to tell was to look at the Memories that he and Ritsuka had made when they had first met so long ago. Those photographs were the only thing that made the changes real, the growth apparent.

Well, not the only thing. There were the real memories- the kind that didn't need to be recorded on film. There were the battles. The heartache. The establishment of friendships. All those things made the changes real too, but Ritsuka's growth and maturity were the ultimate barometer of such things. He could measure where they had come in their relationship by the man that the little boy had grown into.

Was Ritsuka really ready? Did he really want to become an adult? Did he want to lose the last shred of innocence that he still possessed and enter the jaded world of adults?

A little voice told Soubi that Ritsuka had lost that long ago - the moment that he had seen Seimei again. Ritsuka had been an adult for a long time now. Maybe it was time for his body to catch up.

Soubi dried his hands and returned to the table. He had regained his composure and was ready to return to his frustrating lunch companions.

Both of the Zeroes were gone. They're plates were cleaned off without a single shrimp left behind. The bill was sitting on the table with money on top of it, enough to cover all three lunches plus tip, waiting for the waitress to come and pick it up.

Soubi sat down to finish his salad and noticed that there was a napkin laid over his fork. It simply said 'Sorry.'

He couldn't help but smile. One word. It was so like them.

ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Soubi leaned against the school gate and noticed for the first time he wasn't itching for a cigarette. Maybe this whole quitting thing was working after all. He took out the half finished pack from his coat and threw it in the nearby trashcan. He had no doubt that some high school kid would come along and pick them out, but it was the symbolism of the thing.

The school bell rang and moments later students came pouring out of the doors. Minutes later Ritsuka was among them, walking slowly as if his bag weighed as much as he did. His ears even drooped a little.

Soubi cleared his throat when Ritsuka almost walked past him.

He looked up at him, surprise apparent on his face. "Soubi?"

He smiled at him.

"I didn't think you'd come."

Soubi's smile faded and he became more serious. "Why wouldn't I?"

Ritsuka shrugged as if he was afraid to say it out loud.

Soubi crossed the space between them in a breath and pulled Ritsuka close to him, wrapping his arms around the younger man as much to trap him as embrace him.

Ritsuka dropped his bag and melted into Soubi's arms, laying his head on his shoulder and wrapping his arms around the other man's waist. "I've been thinking of you all day," he admitted.

Soubi held him, ignoring the looks they were getting from the other students. "You haven't left my thoughts either."

Ritsuka pulled away then so that he could look into Soubi's face, but the older man wouldn't let go. Ritsuka looked slightly embarrassed and one of his ears was turned down slightly. He looked up at Soubi with those lavender eyes even though his face was turned downwards.

"How was Natsuo and Youji?" Ritsuka asked, trying to make conversation, hoping that if they started talking about something Soubi would let him go.

"Same as always," Soubi began to say, but he changed his mind. "Well, I shouldn't say that. They've matured and we haven't even realized it."

Ritsuka looked at him, not sure about what he meant. "I can't believe that."

Soubi sighed and gave Ritsuka a final hug before letting him go. He could see Yuiko coming up to them with Yayoi in tow. "Believe it. At some point, they grew up on us."

Ritsuka didn't say anything.