A/N: Thanks again to She'sAShipper for her work on the vacation activities. :)
Chapter 89:
Mac woke before Harm the following morning and decided to let him sleep while she showered and went down to the continental breakfast buffet. There she got a couple glasses of orange juice and two cups of coffee along with two bagels, a muffin for Harm, and a jelly doughnut for herself.
He was still sound asleep when she returned, and it was nearing 0900. Mac set down the food tray and gently patted his cheek. "Rise and shine, sailor."
He turned towards her and mumbled a bit before he opened his eyes.
"Hey there, sleepyhead. Time to get up and greet the morning" she smiled. "Sleep well?"
"Mm-hmm" he replied, wiping the sleep from his eyes. "You get breakfast?"
"I did" Mac replied. "I got us bagels and you a muffin. I also got juice. It's on the desk."
"Any coffee?" he inquired.
"Harm, how long have we been married?" Mac asked.
"Almost 7 months" he replied.
"And in seven months has there ever been a morning when there wasn't any coffee?" Mac asked.
"Uh, none I can think of" he answered with a little smile.
"Then why is it that every morning I'm up before you, you ask me if there's coffee?" Mac asked with a laugh.
He laughed at himself. "Good question, baby."
"Of course there's coffee" she replied. "Two cups for my sleepy sailor. You getting up?"
"Yeah, yeah" he mumbled as he tossed back the covers and crawled out of bed. "Did you sleep well?" he asked, leaning in to kiss her forehead.
"As well as I ever do" she replied. "Is this bed okay for your back? I'm pretty stiff this morning."
"It's okay, I suppose" he answered, placing a hand on his back as he spoke. "I'm a little stiff, not bad though."
"I'll call down and have them put a back board under the mattress. It's really soft" she replied. "Do you need a back rub?"
"Nah, I'm okay" he said. "Let's dig into that good looking food; I'm hungry."
"Go for it babe" Mac replied. "Kiss first."
"But of course" he said with a smile as he leaned down to kiss her lightly on the lips.
Mac smiled and made her way over to the small table near the fire place. Harm joined her and they ate and chatted about their day's plans. "Is there anything special you want to do today?" Mac asked.
"Not especially" he said, taking a drink of orange juice. "What would you like to do?"
"Well, we are in Salem" she smiled. "So we have to do the witch trial museums and go to the memorial. There's a pirate museum that comes with a combination ticket to two of the witch trial museums. Why don't we start there?"
"Works for me" he said, finishing the last bite of his muffin. "You wanna shower first or you want me to?"
"I already showered" Mac replied. "I was up long before you."
He smiled. "Well, I guess it's my turn then, huh?"
"Yep, I'm going to call home while you're in there" Mac replied.
"Okay" he said as he rose from the chair. "Tell mom to kiss my girls for me."
Harm showered quickly and emerged from the large hotel bathroom dressed in jean shorts and a black t-shirt that showed off his well-defined muscles. Mac was still on the phone when he came out. "She does that sometimes too, we just sit up with her until she stops crying. She's a really rough teether."
"Baby have a rough night?" he asked Mac softly as she remained on the phone.
"Yep, that tooth started to drop" Mac replied. "That's normal too" she said into the phone. "Sometimes I think she needs the strength. I hope Frank didn't mind."
They talked a few more minutes, then Mac ended the call. "Your daughter kept your Mom and Frank up half the night" Mac told him.
"Teeth, I presume?" he said.
"You said that right" Mac sighed. "Ainsley screamed for two hours and only quieted down when Frank rocked her. Believe that?"
"Oh yes" he replied. "Did they give her Tylenol?"
"They did and the teething ring, but she kept at it until she was exhausted. Poor baby" Mac sighed. "And of course she had a fever and that worried your Mom."
"Did you tell her that's status quo with Ainsley?" asked Harm.
"Yes I did" Mac replied. "She seems okay now though. I just hope she doesn't wear them out."
Harm smiled. "They wanted grandchildren so they could baby-sit them and spoil them rotten; we're merely giving them what they want."
Mac smiled. "You ready to go there, sailor?"
"All set" he answered, grabbing his keys from the nightstand.
"Do think we'll need sweaters?" Mac asked as she grabbed her backpack.
"Probably" he said. "It's not very warm out there once the sun sets."
Mac packed the rest of the necessary items into the back pack then put it on. "Where to first?"
"Let's start at the pirate museum" he said.
Mac smiled. "Okay."
Harm drove their rental car to a municipal lot in the center of town. The city looked less forboding in the light and was a bustle with tourists of all ages.
As they walked from the parking lot towards the museum, they spotted a family not too far ahead of them on the sidewalk. There was a mom, dad and 5 kids, ranging in age from around 7 years down to the newborn twins in the tandem stroller. One was a boy, the other a girl as evidenced by their pink and blue caps and blankets. The next oldest child, a girl of maybe 2 years old, clung to the side of the stroller as her mother pushed it along. The other two children held onto their father's hand, completing the picture of true family happiness.
Mac sighed as she observed the sight and bit back the tears that always stung her eyes when she saw scenes like that.
Her pain didn't go unnoticed by her husband. He reached out for her hand and squeezed it gently. "I know."
Mac smiled weakly. "Is this Derby Street?"
"I think so" he said, knowing she was aching inside.
"Then that museum should be..." Mac looked about and referred to the map she's taken from the hotel. "Two blocks that way."
"Okay" he said as they continued to walk towards the museum. "Are you gonna be okay if those folks are headed for the same place we are?"
"I think so" Mac replied. "Its just our reality. I have to live with it, right?" She looked up at him, unshed tears making her eyes bright.
"We'll be able to try again after awhile" he said gently. "We were blessed once, no reason to think we won't be blessed again."
Mac let it go. His reluctance to try again bothered and hurt her but she didn't want to ruin the day by bringing it up. "I think that's it there" she replied pointing to the building with three dummy pirates scaling rope ladders up the side of a brick building. The words, New England Pirate Museum were emblazoned over the door.
Hand in hand Harm and Mac made their way to the museum and found themselves behind the family they'd witnessed on the way there. The small two year old girl turned and looked at Harm, "You're big" she observed. Her own father was shorter than Harm, standing 5'8" if he stood an inch.
Harm smiled and knelt down to talk to the child. "You're big, too. How old are you?"
The little one held up two fingers.
"Two years old, wow" said Harm with an enthusiastic voice. "My little girl at home, she's just a baby right now, but one day she'll be two just like you and she can go to all these fun places, too."
"Dani, honey, don't bother the man" her mother scolded softly when she saw the child about to ask a question.
"Oh, it's fine, really" said Harm. "She's adorable."
"Thank you" the mother replied as Dani asked her question. "Does baby have any brothers?" The child's voice made the "r" sound like a "w".
Harm felt a pang of sorrow at her innocent words. "No, she doesn't. She has a big sister, though."
"Me too," she smiled. "She's Sarah."
"I like that name" said Harm. "In fact, that's my wife's name." He looked up at Mac, who once again smiled weakly.
To Harm's relief the line moved and the family of seven was allowed to purchase their tickets and move off to the side. Mac squared her shoulders, her Marine stance. "Move up, honey."
He took a few steps forward to the ticket window. "Tell her what we need, babe" he said to Mac.
"Two combination tickets, please" Mac told the clerk in a tight voice.
"Thirty dollars" the girl replied. "Are you alright ma'am?" she asked noticing Mac's pale color.
Mac nodded. "Yes."
"Cash or charge, Sir?" asked the clerk, her responsibility finished.
"Charge" said Harm, handing her his debit card.
A few minutes later after the clerk had explained how their tickets worked she told them, "you two can join that tour. There's two more places left."
"Great" said Harm. "Thank you."
Mac and Harm joined the large family and three others. Soon their guide, a middle-aged man dressed like Smee from Peter Pan, approached and began to explain the history and mythology of New England Pirates. All the time, the little girl, Dani, stared at Harm, her little face mesmerized by him.
He smiled and waved at her, and she returned his attention in kind. He tried to picture what Ainsley might look like at her age, but he just couldn't imagine it.
The group proceeded through the exhibits looking at recreations of pirate ships and villages. A recreation of Blackbeard made Mac jump when it made an unexpected animated motion.
"You okay?" Harm asked her.
"Yeah, that startled me" she smiled. "She's having fun" Mac nodded to Harm's young admirer.
"Yeah, she's a cutie" he said, knowing the sight of that particular family was breaking Mac's heart, for it wasn't doing his own any good.
"Ainsley before you know it" she murmured.
"Yeah" he sighed. "They grow too fast, don't they?"
"They do" Mac sighed. "You want to check out the treasure?"
Harm and Mac checked out the treasure and the bat cave following the winding halls of the museum until they came out on the other side. There in the gift shop Harm once again was questioned by his little friend. "You like it?" she asked playing with a sticker on her jacket.
He knelt down to her eye level. "I sure do; it's very pretty."
"Where's your baby?" she asked.
"She's at home with her Nana and Papa" replied Harm.
"Why not here?" she asked still playing with her sticker.
"Dani" her mother sighed.
"It's fine" Harm said to the mother. "She's too little to know what any of the things here are, so we decided to come by ourselves and we'll bring her back when she's older, like you are."
The child smiled. "Okay" as Mac said, "I'm getting a little warm. I'm going to wait outside."
Harm knew the real reason she needed to step away. "I have to go for now" he told the little girl. "You have fun, okay?"
She nodded. "Bye Mister."
Mac escaped and sat down on the first bench she saw. It was only after she sat down she noticed the woman next to her was in at least her seventh month. "Oh God!" she gasped and as quickly as she sat down, she sprinted to the public restroom behind the building.
Harm went out the front exit and looked around for Mac. He didn't see her, so he walked out a bit further and looked; still no sign of her. Puzzled, he went around the back, hoping she'd gone in the restroom because if not, he had no clue where she was.
The woman that Mac had sat down next to waddled by him. "Are you looking for someone?" she asked, telling by the look on his face he was bewildered.
"My wife" he said. "I thought she came out here, but I don't see her."
"Pretty brunette in a pink tee shirt?" she asked.
"Yes" answered Harm. "Did you see her?"
"Yes" she replied. "She sat down over there then sprinted off to the rest room. I can let her know you're out her if you like" she offered.
"Would you, please?" asked Harm, suddenly very worried about Mac.
"Certainly, its okay you know" she soothed. "It goes away, believe me."
"Uh, I'm sorry; I don't quite understand" said a confused Harm.
"The morning sickness" she replied. "She just ran off like that...I assumed..."
"Oh" said Harm dejectedly. "No, it's not that. She...wasn't feeling well, that's all."
"I'll tell her you're waiting" the woman smiled and went to take care of business.
Harm had a pretty good idea as to why Mac would've taken off as fast as she appeared to, and it had everything to do with the very pregnant woman he'd just spoken with. Mac didn't handle that sort of thing too well anymore, and being on edge as it was over the sight of the family with 5 children, he was willing to bet almost anything that this was just too much for her.
Imagine his surprise when two minutes later she emerged smiling from the rest room, "I heard there was a handsome sailor waiting out here for me" she smiled and stretched to kiss his lips.
He leaned down to kiss her. "You okay, sweetie?"
"Fine" she replied. "I just needed to use the bathroom. You ready to go? This next museum is supposed to have a recreated forest and live action scenes of the witch trial events. I might get scared" she teased and batted her eyes at him.
He wasn't sure if she was really okay or if she was hiding something, but he knew she didn't want to talk about it if the latter was the case. "Oh, well then" he said, smiling at her expression. "Let's go; I'll keep you safe."
They headed over to the next stop on their tour, The Witch History Museum. This tour had mostly adults and teens, for which Mac was grateful. They were met by their guide and given a history of the Salem Witch Trials before being led down a long, dimly lit staircase. In spite of the sign that said "Watch Your Step" Harm's faltered, but he caught himself on the railing. "Harm!" Mac exclaimed seeing his near fall.
"I'm okay, I'm okay" he said, catching his breath. "I'm okay."
"You sure?" she asked as the tour guide made her way up to check.
"Mm-hmm" he said. "I didn't feel anything pop or pull; I'm fine, sweetie."
"Are you all right, sir?" the guide asked. "We lose about two a day to that step."
"Yeah, I'm okay" he said, "but if this step is such a liability, why doesn't the management do something about it. I'm a lawyer and I'm telling you this is a lawsuit in the making."
"We are going to get more light installed in here" she replied. "Thank you for the advice though. Care to make your way down to the bottom of the steps. Be careful, they get steep."
"Understood" said Harm, holding the railing extra tight as he made his way down the remaining steps.
At the bottom the tour guide joined them. The corridors did indeed resemble a forest, complete with leaves on the trees. "These scenes will depict the saga of the Salem Witch Trials. In 1692, 11 year old Abigail Williams and her nine year old cousin Betty Parrish..." She began and indicated the first scene of a black slave woman and two young girls. Mac and Harm made their way along the paths taking in the scenes of early American life. "I just can't believe i," she whispered.
"Believe what?" he whispered in reply.
"That anyone would do this" she pointed to the depiction of Gallows Hill.
"Yeah, it's pretty unreal" he said. "Pretty frightening."
Mac slipped her arm around Harm's waist as they continued on. "Out of the nineteen deaths that occurred during the witch hunt, perhaps the most gruesome was that of Giles Corey. He refused to enter a plea when charged with witchcraft shortly after testifying against his wife Martha on a similar charge. The court ordered that he be "pressed" until he entered his plea. He died after two days. Legend has it that his ghost haunts Burying Point and the area around it."
"How horrible" gasped Harm. "Can you imagine?"
Mac nodded. "Yes I can."
They continued through until once again they spilled out into a gift shop. "That was really interesting" Mac observed. "I'd like to go up there."
"Where?" he asked.
"To Burying Point" she replied. "After supper maybe."
"If you want to" he said. "Anything else you want to do here, babe?"
"We have the Dungeon Museum left on our ticket" she reminded him. "Let's do that, then maybe a swim at the Inn?"
"Lead the way, my love" he smiled.
Once again hand in hand Mac and Harm walked through the streets towards their next destination. They were nearly there when she felt something bump her leg. She looked down to see an adorable little boy, no more than three, in tears and all alone.
She was the one who knelt down this time. "Where are your mommy and daddy, sweetie?"
The little tot with dark brown hair and blue eyes continued to cry and shrugged.
"Harm, he's lost" Mac said.
He knelt down beside Mac and the little boy. "What's your name, big guy?" he asked the tot.
He sniffed. "Mikey."
"Hi, Mikey" said Harm. "My name's Harm and this is Sarah. Do you want us to help you find mommy and daddy?"
He shrugged again and cried harder burying his face in his shirt.
"Hey buddy, it's okay" said Harm, reaching out to touch his head. "Don't cry; we'll find them. Do you want me to carry you?"
The tiny head nodded but stayed hidden, an action that disturbed Mac. "Let's find a cop, Harm."
"Good idea" he said, picking the little boy up gently and holding him close.
Before Harm and Mac could locate a police officer, two teens approached. "What are you doing with him?" the young man asked. "Where were you?" he asked the little boy loudly.
The boy began to cry even harder in Harm's embrace. "He was lost" said Harm, feeling protective of Mikey. "My wife and I found him alone and crying over there and were looking for a police officer to help us find his parents. I assume that would be you two?"
"Not me" the boy replied. "Her, yeah. Come here Mikey."
The child clung tighter to Harm, a stranger, showing no desire to go to the man who Harm assumed was at least somewhat familiar.
"It's okay, Mikey" said Harm, trying to gently pull the boy away from his shoulder. "Go on."
The small arms finally relented and Harm handed the boy to the teen. "Thank you, sir" the girl replied and took her son, setting him on the ground. "He knows not to run off like that."
"He's only three" Mac said softly.
"Yeah, but he knows better" said the girl. "Sorry he caused a problem."
Mac nodded and began walking. She knew what was to be little Mikey's fate in the next few minutes, and she for one couldn't stand to watch.
Harm sighed and shook his head. "You ready to go, babe?"
"More than" she replied and walked quickly towards their destination.
They walked to the black building with a stockade out front. "That's what I should do with you when you forget to talk out the garbage" Mac teased.
"Oh, I think not" he said.
They stepped inside the building and were seated on the dreaded hard backless benches for a reenactment of the trial of one of the accused witches before being led into the dungeons. It was cold, and Mac shivered a bit as they moved along the rows of cells, seeing images of women and men alike chained to walls in cells so tiny one could not lay or even sit down properly. Some held several people huddled together; there were even recreated rats in the cells to give it a proper feel. It was in one of these cells Mac saw something that brought every emotion she'd felt since seeing that family with five children to a head. There were women chained inside, but not alone, there were children there too. "Oh, Harm. The babies" she gasped as she began to visibly shake.
"Are you okay, Mac?" he asked, knowing with one look she wasn't.
With her whole body shaking she replied. "Yeah."
"I don't think you are" he said, noting the color that was suddenly absent from her face. "Come on; I'm getting you out of here."
"I...I can finish" she insisted. "It not so bad over there, maybe."
"No" he said gently yet insistently. "We're done. You look sick, and we're not going through the rest of this."
"Women and children alike would accuse one another. Four year old Dorcas Good accused her own mother Sarah. There are unsubstantiated reports of mothers accusing their children..." At those words, Mac finally let out a sob and felt her knees slide out from under her.
Without another word, Harm reached out and scooped his wife into his arms. "Is there any way out of here besides the one at the end?" he asked the tour guide.
"Is there a problem?" the girl asked. "There's only the exit at the end or back the way you came."
"She's not feeling well" he said. "Is it shorter to go back or go to the end?"
"We're about halfway through" she replied. "Just go straight and watch the steps at the end. You'll come out in the gift shop."
"Thank you" he said, hurrying down the hallway as Mac continued to tremble and sob in his arms. He took great care to make certain her eyes were closed as they went past one frightening sight after another until finally they emerged in the gift shop.
"Put me down" she whimpered against his neck.
"Can you stand up?" he asked gently.
Mac shrugged. "Put me down. I'm too heavy for you to carry."
"No, you're not" he said as he held her tight. "I think you need to lie down."
Mac nodded hoping to hide her emotional torment inside the terrible images they'd just seen. "I don't feel very well" she sobbed then as the manager of the museum approached. "Sir, ma'am, is there a problem?"
"My wife isn't feeling well" said Harm. "Is there someplace she can lie down for a few minutes?"
"In the office" he replied. "This way."
Mac shook her head. "I want to go home."
"You mean back to the hotel, sweetie?" asked Harm.
She nodded but stayed buried. "I don't feel well."
"Sir, where is your vehicle?" the manager asked.
"In the municipal lot down the street" replied Harm.
"Derby or Chestnut?"
"Derby" replied Harm.
"That's a bit of a walk. Why don't I sit with her and you can get the car?" he suggested. "One of our guides, Beth, will join us."
Harm nodded. "Mac, you lie on the couch and rest, I'm gonna go get the car and be right back."
Mac nodded and Harm laid her down on the sofa. She rolled onto her side and pulled up her knees, making her body a tiny ball.
He left quickly and jogged the few blocks to the parking lot. Within 5 minutes, he arrived back at the museum. Parking in the street out front, he turned the flashers on and hurried inside to get his wife.
Harm was met outside by the manager. "Do I need to call a doctor or something? I've seen people get upset but this...When Beth asked she said her stomach hurt. Is she...with child?"
Harm shook his head. "No, but we have a 10-month-old at home."
"Still, this is out of the ordinary. Are you sure I don't need to call?" he asked truly concerned about he young woman that was now sleeping in his office.
"I'm sure" said Harm. "I'll take her back to the hotel and let her rest."
"She's gone to sleep I think" he replied and let Harm inside. Mac was indeed sleeping on the sofa, still sobbing in her sleep. Harm lifted her up and carried her to the car. He laid her in the backseat and drove the few minutes back to the hotel carefully. Once there, he lifted her and carried up to their room.
As he laid her on the bed, she awakened and looked at him with tear-filled eyes as she began to cry all over again. He pulled her close and let her cry.
When she could finally breathe again, she whispered, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be" he said softly. "That stuff was hard to look at even for me."
"It wasn't that stuff, I'm a Marine, I can take that stuff" Mac replied.
"What was it?" he asked, caressing her arm as he held her close.
"Everybody..." she began. "I don't want to talk about this right now. Let's just go swimming."
"No, Mac" he said. "We need to talk about this now. You fell apart back there, and something has you all tied up in knots."
"I want to be like...like that family" Mac whispered. "I want a little Mikey..I...I want it so badly" she whispered as she made a high pitched squeaking noise in her throat.
He sighed and pulled her even closer. "I kind of thought that was it" he said. "I knew that family was breaking your heart; those tiny little twins."
"At least their parents love them" she replied. "People...some people are blessed with babies and they...What am I...You don't understand."
"I really think I do" he said. "We're in this together; you hurt, I hurt, remember?"
She shook her head. "No...you don't" she whispered. "If you really did you'd know that you not wanting this with me hurts."
"I do want it, sweetie" he insisted. "I just...I'm not ready to start trying again just yet; that's all."
Mac sniffed. "I sometimes have a hard time believing that..."
"What? That I want another baby?" he asked. "I do, I really do, just not quite yet."
"Then why have we not been careful?" Mac asked wiping her red face on her hand.
He took a deep breath. "I've actually been meaning to talk to you about that" he said.
Mac drew back and met his eyes, "You have?"
"Yeah" he said softly. "I know we've never used anything, but..." He took another deep breath. "I think we should start."
If he'd slapped her Mac couldn't have been in more pain. She drew back from him "What?"
"I...it's just that the doctor said there's a chance it could happen before we get back into treatment" said Harm, knowing his wife was very upset about this. "I'm not ready yet, and I'm not sure that you're really, truly ready to be pregnant again. I think we should talk about it and decide, you know...what would be the best thing to use for a few months."
"It didn't happen fast with Ainsley" Mac replied sliding off the bed.
"No, it took awhile to conceive her, you're right" he said. "But I just feel in my gut that we should be careful until we get back under Dr. Kendall's care and he has some level of control over things."
Mac walked over to the seat where he'd laid her back pack and picked it up. "Well then, I've got just the method for us to use." She reached for the door knob.
"No, Mac, don't walk away, please" he asked, rising from the bed and walking towards her. "Please, let's talk about this. Avoiding the issue won't solve anything, and I don't want this to ruin our week."
"News flash, Commander" Mac sighed and opened the door. "It just did."
Mac ran down the steps of the Inn with as much speed as she could muster. She didn't know where she was going to go, all she knew is that it would be as far away from Harm as she could get. She could hear him coming after her, calling after her, but she kept going. She ran out of the Inn past the pool and the parking lot, past the restaurant on the corner until she spotted a sign for the wharf, she turned in that direction and lost herself in the crowd.
How could he do that? How could he say in one breath that he wanted a baby and in another ask about birth control? How could he hurt her like that? With an aching heart Mac slowed her steps and walked towards the water, tears falling from her eyes as she went.
Harm had followed behind her as far as the sidewalk in front of the Inn. When she kept walking despite his desperate calls out to her, he knew he was wasting his time. She needed some space; some time to think things through, and he needed to give it to her. His timing on the birth control issue couldn't have been much worse, and he was kicking himself over even mentioning it just then. He should have saved that discussion for a much less stressful time. With a heart almost as broken as Mac's was at that moment, he turned and walked slowly back to the room, closed the door behind himself and flopped onto the bed to think things through.
Harm didn't know how long he lay there, in fact he must have dozed off in his pain for when he next saw the clock, Mac had been gone nearly two hours.
Fearing that something may have happened to her, he immediately got up, grabbed his jacket and car keys and headed out to look for her. He wasn't sure where to begin, but he knew she couldn't have gone to terribly far on foot, so he drove around the streets within a few blocks of their hotel, looking left and right in hopes of finding her. When this turned up nothing, he drove out a bit further, still scouring the crowds of people on both sides of the street, still not seeing his wife.
Finally he parked the car in the same lot as before and started retracing their day. He spotted several people bustling about the streets and stopped a few of them, though no one had seen Mac. Finally a woman dressed in a dark purple dress with crazy black hair approached him. "You look lost."
"Well, I'm not lost" he said, "but my wife is. Have you seen a young woman with brunette hair just past her shoulders, wearing a pink shirt and jeans come by here within the last couple of hours?"
"See her no, but I feel her. She's hurt or..." the woman began.
"Hurt? Like physically hurt?" asked Harm. He didn't believe in witchcraft in any shape, form or fashion, but when someone said they felt his wife was hurt, it scared him.
"I don't think so...She is in pain" the woman said. "Do you have a photograph?"
Again, he didn't believe in this kind of stuff, but he dug his wallet out and pulled out their wedding portrait, handing it to the strange woman.
"Not physically hurt but in pain nonetheless" the woman sighed. "She's ill, she's had sickness?"
Harm nodded. "Yeah, she has. Do you have any idea where she is?"
"You already know" she replied and handed him the photograph. "She's already told you where she'd go." With those words, the woman walked away.
Harm stood baffled for a moment before it dawned on him where Mac had gone. He ran back to the car and followed the signs to a place she'd mentioned earlier in their vacation that she'd like to visit before the week was over.
Finally after another half hour of driving he spotted her. He parked the car in the nearest lot and started walking up the hill towards the old cemetary. He saw her there sitting on the lone bench in the center, the red setting sun glinting off her hair. She was sitting in a tiny ball, knees pulled up to her chest shivering against the Massachusetts air. Even cold and deeply saddened, she was still the most beatufiul sight he'd ever seen. Carefully he approached.
"Mac?" he said apprehensively.
She raised her head and sniffled when she saw him. "What do you want?"
"To talk to you" he said gently. "Are you cold?"
She shrugged and only hugged herself tighter.
Knowing she was freezing, he removed his jacket and draped it over her back and shoulders. He'd dressed in warmer clothes than she had that morning, so he wasn't uncomfortable in the chilly evening air. He took a seat beside her, not touching her, though. He knew he needed to let her come to him in her own time, at least as far as this evening was concerned.
"I really don't know why you're here, I don't have anything to say to you" Mac said pulling his jacket around her.
"I'm here because I was worried about you" he said. "You've been gone a long time, and I didn't know where you were."
"Like you even care" she whispered, laying her head back on her knees.
"Of course I care, Mac" he said softly, taking a chance and reaching out to touch her back. "I'm sorry you're so angry with me, but-"
She slid away from him. "I have every right to be angry with you" she spat. "And if you really cared about me about how I felt you'd never have suggested such a thing. Not when you know how I feel about it."
"What about how I feel about it?" he asked calmly.
That stopped her. "You said you wanted us to have another baby. You said you wanted it as badly as I do."
"I do, sweetie" he said. "Honestly, I do, but I'm just not ready yet. It seems crazy for me to not be ready after everything we went through last time, but...I dunno, maybe that's why I'm not ready. And I know the whole birth control thing threw you for a loop-"
"Damn right it did" Mac replied. "We've already got birth control." She touched her stomach, "Its built in!"
He took a deep breath. "Dr. Kendall said there was a chance that once you got your cycles back on track, you could possibly get pregnant in the run of everyday life."
"We had that run, Harm" Mac replied. "And so what if I did? That would be great. It would save us time, money, and to be honest a hell of a lot of pain!"
"But if you got pregnant and we didn't know it" he said, "something could happen to the baby or to you. That scares me, Mac. It's not that I want to have to go through treatment again, but I'm just scared that if you got pregnant naturally, we wouldn't know it and something bad would happen, not to mention I'm still not convinced that your body is ready for another pregnancy yet."
"Its not" Mac replied. "That's why I haven't had another cycle yet. And what could happen, Harm?" Mac asked. "Really? What do you think could happen to me if I were to get pregnant unexpectedly?"
He thought for a moment. "I don't know exactly, it's just a fear I have. I'm just afraid of something bad happening. I don't have anything to base it on, and I can't even give you specific examples; I'm just scared. We lost one baby and it was one of the worst things we've ever experienced; I don't want us to go through that again."
"We might have to" Mac sighed. "I...I keep having nightmares about trying again, about how bad this is going to get and...if you aren't going to be with me on this then...I suppose its best I find that out right now."
He moved around to face her. "I'm with you, baby, honest I am. We just have different ideas as to what the best way is to get there, that's all. I guess maybe I've gotten used to the level of control that comes with a treatment cycle, how closely the doctor watches you and checks everything. I just can't shake my fear that if we conceive on our own, you won't get the care and attention you need soon enough because if we're not trying, we probably won't know when it happens."
"Harm, I just don't...I'm a healthy, fairly young woman. I know I had eclampsia with Ainsley but that's in late pregnancy. Every day women get pregnant and don't know it for two or three months. What are you scared of? Is it really me not being looked after or is it something else?" she asked.
He sighed and ran his hands through his hair as a breeze blew over the couple. "I'm not ready for another pregnancy yet Mac. I've been honest about that from the first time we talked about when to try again. I know we don't have a lot of time to wait, but we do have a little and I think we need to spend it enjoying the baby we have while we get things lined up to try again in a few months. I'm really worried about the lack of monitoring you'd have with an unexpected, natural pregnancy, but I guess maybe it's more a case of just...just not being ready quite yet."
"Well at least we've gotten that far" Mac sighed. "I just..." She felt her emotion begin to overwhelm her. "I just remember the day at the Admiral's dining out after my surgery that...you said you'd always be there, always support me and...I just feel so...alone." With that word she fell apart again.
Once again, he felt two inches tall. He moved close to her and took her in his embrace as she cried. "You're right, baby. I did say that, and I'm not doing a very good job of keeping my word, am I?"
Stiff in his embrace she shook her head. "It hurts" she cried. "It hurts so much."
He held her even closer. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, Mac; I'd never do that on purpose. I hate that we're even in this position, and I hate that it has to hurt so much."
She didn't say anything for a long while, just stayed close until she stopped crying. "I know you do. I'm sorry I got so crazy today. It was just too much. It just got to be too much, you know?"
He nodded. "I know" he whispered, "but when I saw you sitting out here, you looked just beautiful."
"With my face all blotchy and my eyes all red?" she asked. "Did I really worry you?"
"Of course" he answered, cupping her tear stained face with his hand.
"Why?" she asked. "I can take care of myself. In spite of that little demonstration earlier. God, I was so embarassed."
"You mean at the museum?" he asked, tucking a flyaway strand of hair behind her ear as he kept his arm around her.
She nodded. "I made such a scene and it had nothing to do with what we saw in there. It was creepy..." She paused and sat up straight.
"What?" he asked. "You okay?"
"Harm we're in a graveyard" Mac said.
He looked around. "Yeah, we are. You just now realized that, sweetie?"
Mac nodded. "I didn't really realize where I...How did you find me? I'm miles from the Inn."
"Oh, I ran into some spooky lady on the street in town" he said. "I think she thought she was psychic or something, she asked me for your picture, and said you were where you'd told me you wanted to go. I think she's nuts, but I thought for a second and knew you were here."
"Maybe you're psychic" Mac smiled. "I want to walk around here a little while we're up here. Is that okay?"
"Sure" he said, rising from the bench and offering her a hand.
They held hands and roamed the rows of graves pausing to read the names on the tombstones and the dates. "So many of them are young children, Harm" Mac sighed. "And some of these families must have had ten, twelve kids."
"Mm-hmm" he said. "Doesn't seem fair, does it?"
"Most of them didn't live to be ten years old" Mac sighed. "Makes our little one seem even more precious."
He squeezed her hand. "She's our world."
"She is" Mac replied. "And I pray every day that nothing bad ever happens to her or to Mattie. Can I...Harm, were you serious about what you said before?"
"What did I say before, sweetie?" he asked as they walked along through the cemetery.
"About the birth control" Mac replied kicking a rock out of their path.
"Yes" he answered, his heart beginning to pound a bit harder for fear of upsetting her all over again. "I've been thinking about it for a little while now, I just hadn't brought it up. Pretty dumb thing to bring up on vacation, but I am serious about it."
"There's nothing I can do to change your mind is there?" Mac asked sighing softly.
He sighed as well. "Maybe...I dunno. I'm not asking you to do anything. It'd only be for a few months, I'd take care of it."
Mac smiled slightly then. She remembered encounters with Chris, with Mic when they'd been in charge of the protection, it was always short lived. "Fine" Mac agreed grudgingly. "If it means that much to you."
"I know it seems crazy" he said. "Of every couple on earth, we're probably the last one who needs to give birth control a single thought, but... I can't explain it really; it just feels like the right thing to do."
"Can we not talk..." She paused mid-sentence when her stomach growled.
He smiled. "Want to go have some dinner?"
She nodded. "We lost our reservation."
"So we'll go someplace else" he said, his hand still entwined with hers. "What sounds good?"
Mac shrugged. "That Japanese place by the mall?"
"Sounds good to me" he replied. "We're parked over there a little ways."
"Let's walk to it" Mac requested. "If you're up to it. I hope you weren't running around too much. I don't want this vacation to end up like the last one."
"I'm fine" he said. "We can walk there, no problem."
Mac slipped her arm around Harm's waist and together they walked to the restaurant. They were seated with two other young couples around the large grill and soon were being entertained by their chef as he prepared their meals. When they were finished, Harm bought his bride an ice cream and the pair strolled back to the car. "I want to go to the pier tomorrow before we leave for Boston."
"Sure, baby" he said.
"Do you want to do anything special tonight?" she asked licking the chocolate that dripped down her cone.
"Not particularly" he replied as he climbed into the driver's seat. "You have any ideas?"
"A hot bath?" she suggested.
"If you want to take one" he said, "you do it. You had a hard day; it'd probably do you some good."
"I meant for you" Mac sighed. "I put you through the wringer."
He reached over and took her hand. "I deserved it. You're right, I haven't really been there for you like I promised to be, not all the time, and I need to change that."
"You have been there, Harm" Mac sighed. "Even...when the baby was sick and then you were sick but you were strong the whole time for me and I haven't done...I was hateful to you today, running off like that."
"I upset you with the whole birth control thing" he said as they arrived at their hotel. "And you were already upset from the museum. I should've known enough to keep my mouth shut."
"And bottle it up even longer?" Mac sighed. "Let's just table it tonight. You go upstairs, run a bath and call me when you get in the water."
"Uh, okay" he said, stepping out of the car. "You sure you wouldn't rather take a bath instead of me? I'm sure you could use one, to relax I mean, not because you stink, because you don't...I'll shut up now." He smiled as he realized how funny he must have seemed to her.
Mac did indeed laugh for the second time that night, the first time being when the hibachi chef missed his hat and sent a shrimp tail flying into an elderly lady's water glass. "I'm sure" Mac replied. "You need it. I can tell. You're getting old there, sailor."
"44 isn't old" he defended with a grin. "Besides, as long as you find me attractive, it doesn't much matter how old I am, now does it?"
She reached over to him and squeezed his love handle. "If you don't start losing this I dunno..." She raised an eyebrow.
"Hey now!" he laughed. "I haven't lost the baby weight yet." He gave her a cute little wink.
"That's true, you gained one pound for every two I gained" Mac replied. "I can't believe..." She stopped as they climbed the steps to their room and got a wistful look in her eye.
"What is it?" he asked, placing his hand against the small of her back.
"I...You ate steak for me. Remember?" Mac laughed.
"How could I forget?" he said with a smile. "I nearly gagged on every bite."
"Now its funny but...I can't believe...What was I six, seven months?"
"Something like that" he said. "I can't believe...yeah, I can. I'd do anything for you, Mac."
"I know" Mac sighed. "I do, and I'm so sorry for how I acted."
He leaned down and kissed her sweetly on the lips. "I'm sorry for upsetting you. Let's forget about the whole thing and just enjoy the evening."
"Upstairs Mr. Get your six in the tub and turn the jets on" Mac told him. "I need a few minutes in the bedroom."
"Yes, ma'am" he replied, giving her a mock salute as they headed towards their room.
When they got to their room, Harm went straight to the bathroom and turned on the water in the whirlpool tub. Making sure it was nice and hot, he stripped down to his birthday suit and waited a few moments as the water level began to rise. Once it was within a few inches of the top, he climbed in, the steamy water making his muscles relax instantly. He sat on the bench built in to the tub, and called to Mac "I'm all set in here, baby."
In the other room, Mac slipped into her lavender lacy nightie and waited for Harm's call. When it came she pushed the door open and smiled at him as he soaked in the warm water. "How's that feel, baby?"
"Heavenly" he said, his back to her. "You should join me, it's-" He was left speechless the moment he turned around and saw her standing there in that little nightie.
"Something catch your eye?" she asked moving closer to the tub and sitting on the edge.
"Oh, yeah" he whispered, reaching out to touch her face. "You look gorgeous."
"I feel...I feel like I've been very bad. A very bad wife" she frowned, reaching her hand up to cover his.
"Oh Mac, don't think like that" he said. "It's okay, really."
"Slide over here" Mac told him.
Following her orders, he slid a couple of feet closer to her. "You look so pretty tonight."
"You look pretty good yourself" she smiled and slipped her legs into the warm water. She ran her foot up and down his leg to tease him.
"You just gonna bathe your legs?" he asked, feeling the goose bumps all over his body from her touch.
"Well, that's up to you" Mac smiled. "I know you needed this soak. What remains to be seen is do you need company?"
"Oh, I dare say I do" he said softly, reaching up to slip a strap of her nightie off her shoulder. "Care to join me, my love?"
A few minutes later, between Harm and Mac they had stripped her of the slip of a nightie and she'd slid down into the hot water. "This is amazing," she sighed as she snuggled against him. "Can we cuddle in here a bit?"
"We can" he answered simply, taking her face in his hands and bringing it in for a kiss.
"Are you running in this year's Jagathon?" Mac asked. He had all the years since the first one with the exception of last years, when Mac was very pregnant.
"I plan to" he said. "You thinking of running this year?"
Mac shook her head. "I"m thinking I'll take the baby and cheer you on. When's your next appointment with Dr. Peddie?"
"Another 5 weeks" he answered. "After that, no more for a year." He ran his hand down her leg as it rested beside his in the water.
"I bet you're glad" Mac smiled. "Make sure you start doing those squats again. If your not in top shape he won't release you from treatment."
"I will" he said, reaching his arms around her to pull her close. He kissed her on the lips. "I love you."
"I love you too, I'm am so lucky to have you...I thought...there were so many times we were almost there and then we missed it" Mac sighed.
"We were both too stubborn to see what was right before our eyes" he said. "It took your accident to wake us up. I hate that, but I'm so glad..."
"Harm..." Mac began then fell silent.
"I could have lost you that night" he said softly.
"I know" she said softly. "And at that moment...that's what I wanted to happen. I was so lost over everything and when you walked into that room..."
"I was only there because you asked for me" he said, bringing one of her hands up to his lips for a kiss. "I was so scared of what I'd see when I got there."
"What was in your head?" Mac asked him sensing his fear from that night.
He shook his head. "All the paramedic told me on the phone was that you'd been in an accident. He couldn't tell me how badly you were hurt or what they'd have to do to you once you got to the hospital. I had images of you lying there near death, unconscious... Imagine my relief to get there and see you sitting in bed with nothing hooked up to you except an IV."
Mac smiled and played with his chest hair. "I was nearer to death that night at the Admiral's party."
He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I know. I remember how much you were hurting; almost dying inside over finding out you might never have a baby. Did you think I meant it when I said 'the offer still stands'?"
"I didnt' care" Mac replied. "All I knew was my dream of little blue eyed babies was gone and I didn't care about anything."
"I meant it" he said softly. "You know, in case you hadn't figured that out by now." He looked at her with his trademark smile.
"I did" she sighed. "Harm, I'm trying to tell you something."
"What is it?" he asked, feeling like he was supposed to be catching on, but he seemed to be missing her message.
"This baby thing...If she told me I'd had cancer I'd have been happier" Mac sighed.
He brought her close as he could. "Well, it doesn't matter what the doctor said back then, because we proved her all wrong."
"You saved me" she whispered. "You did. If I didn't have you...even at arm's length...I don't know...All I know was in my whole life, even with everything I'd been through, I never just wanted to go to bed and never get up again...that's how I felt over this diagnosis. I just wanted to curl up and hide away..."
"I'm so glad you didn't do that" he said. "I'm so glad you let me in, let me share in that pain. I was hurting over it, too, that I'd probably never get to have the baby with you that I'd dreamed about for so long. It felt like someone had torn my heart in two that night."
"You saved me" Mac whispered again and gave his chest a tiny kiss. "I never said this before, but you saved me even by getting in my face with all that research, even though I got angry and pushed you away...You gave me hope" her voice broke as she said those last words. "Th...Thank you."
He wrapped both arms around her and pulled her as close as he could. "Thank you for giving me my little girl."
"I miss her" Mac replied. "She's having another hard time tonight."
"Her teeth?" he asked, sliding down a little deeper into the nice, warm water.
"Yeah" Mac sighed. "Your mom said that she's been crying all evening, nothing makes her happy."
"Poor girl" he said. "I miss her, too, but we'll be back with her before we know it. Try not to miss her too much, it'll only make you sad and we're not supposed to be sad this week."
"You know as much as I miss her, I feel better about this trip than I did our honeymoon. I think I knew she'd get sick, but this trip...no worries" Mac replied. "How're you doing?"
"I'm good" he said. "My back feels okay, I'm...good. You doing better than earlier?"
Mac nodded. "I want to go back to that museum."
"We will, baby" he said. "We will, before we leave town, we'll go back."
"I'm not a wimp you know" Mac replied. "I'm not a sniveling little..."
"Of course you're not" he said as he softly caressed her back. "You're a strong, intelligent woman. A very beautiful one at that."
"Honey, there's something that's been on my mind that last few weeks, and now seems like a good time to bring it up" she sighed.
"Go ahead" he said.
"Well actually its two things" Mac replied. "First is I'm thinking you should have the disc fusion."
"Okay" he said. "What brought this up? I haven't had a bit of trouble since my surgery."
"I know you" Mac sighed. "I know you've had stiffness but...for me...Harm, I spend every minute worrying about you. If you had the fusion done...Do you realize what a trip and fall could do? Since you've decided to hang up your wings there's no reason not to have it."
He was quiet for a moment. "Tell you what - the moment I start having trouble, I'll go see the doctor and talk about having it done, but until then I just don't want to volunteer for another major operation. I know you worry, but I'm just not in the right frame of mind to go volunteer for surgery, sweetie."
"Think about it?" she asked, softly playing with the hair on his chest near his nipple.
"When I start having trouble" he said, "then I'll think about it. Until then, I'd much rather think about...other things." He leaned down and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.
"I was also wondering" she continued, "how you're handling the whole...not flying for the Navy anymore thing."
He sighed. "I try not to dwell on it too much" he said. "When I do think about it, I get sad sometimes, but then I just think of the reason why I hung it up, and there's no doubt in my mind I did the right thing."
Mac smiled and began to slip her hand down his chest to areas more southern in order to entice him.
"Mac?" he asked. "What...?"
"Feel good?" she asked.
"Yeah" he whispered. "Does this mean you're...ready?"
"It means I want to touch my husband" Mac replied. "The rest of it...we'll see."
He nodded. "Can your husband touch you?" he asked softly, not wanting to do anything she didn't want him to do.
"Let do this somewhere else" she suggested. "The water's getting cold anyway."
"Wanna go get in bed?" he asked, assuming that's where she wanted to continue their activities.
Mac nodded and rose from his embrace, rising and stepping out of the tub in one fluid motion. "I can't promise..."
"I know" he said softly. "We'll see what happens; no pressure."
"You got it?" she asked referring to rising from the water.
"Mm-hmm" he said as he climbed out of the tub. "I'll drain it, you go crawl into the bed and warm up."
Mac nodded. "See you soon, sailor." She smiled and winked as she walked out of the bathroom without even bothering to dress again.
Harm pulled the plug on the tub and made sure it was draining steadily before drying off a bit and going to join his wife in the bed. He knew what he hoped would happen, but he also knew he had to defer to her 100 percent. He slid in beside her, beneath the covers, and rolled over to look into her eyes, illuminated only by the soft moonlight as it peeked through the drapes.
Mac slipped her hand out of the bed and placed it behind his neck, lowering his head to hers so she could take his lips. They were so soft, always so soft, and while soft was not a word she usually equated with Harm she loved the feel. The softness made them gentle, and since she'd been with Harm that first time, she knew that gentle and sensuous was the only way for her, for them. "Touch me."
He reached his hand up and gently touched her chest. "Like this?" he asked quietly.
She nodded. "I love how you touch me" Mac replied. "It feels like love."
"It is love" he whispered, continuing to move his hands tenderly about her upper body.
Mac slipped her hands around his waist and began to caress his back. She knew he'd felt sad the other night and she wanted to make it up to him, only she wasn't sure if she could.
She used her foot to run up Harm's leg enticing him as she had tried to do before. She felt him reacting against her belly as he played with her breasts, but she did not feel the familiar heat ignite within herself.
He moved up a bit to kiss her, sensing she wasn't completely comfortable with the situation just yet. He melded his lips with hers, softly at first, then with more passion, more love. When the kiss broke, he looked into her eyes. "I love you; you're doing just fine, sweetie."
"I don't feel fine" she whispered.
He knew what she meant, and he longed to change it. "What can I do, baby? I'll do anything you need me to."
"Touch me there" she requested softly, thinking a little direct stimulation might help.
"Okay" he whispered, moving his body a bit so he could better reach where she needed him. He moved her leg just a little, and concentrated his attention on the places she'd asked him to go. After a few minutes, he noticed her begin to relax, the way she usually did, though not to the same degree. "Am I helping at all?" he asked gently.
Sadly she shook her head. "No, I'm sorry."
"Its okay" he assured her, ceasing his touch. "Want me to do anything else? Would a back rub help, maybe?"
"Not with this" she sighed. "I don't know what's wrong with me."
He crawled back up alongside her and snuggled in close. "I don't either. You haven't felt this way for very long; I wonder what's going on?"
"I've felt this way since the hotel" Mac replied. "It just got worse over time."
"Stress, maybe?" he suggested, running his fingers gently through her hair.
"Probably, maybe my iron count?" she suggested. "I'm so tired all the time, maybe that's it."
"Sounds like you need to go back to the doctor" he said. "I don't think you're on the right supplements."
"I haven't had any of those spells, but I'm so tired. I'm just not interested" she sighed. "I'm sorry." Her voice cracked as she said that and she turned from him.
"Oh, sweetheart" he said, draping his arm over her as she began to cry. "It's okay. I know whatever's causing this, it isn't your fault. We'll get through it."
"I don't want to go to the doctor again" she whimpered. "I just want to be normal."
"I know you do" he said. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do to help you with this? I hate seeing you so upset."
"I'll be okay," Mac assured him covering his hand with his. "Let's just go to sleep. I just want to sleep."
"Okay" he replied lovingly, pulling the covers up higher over them both. "I love you."
"I love you," Mac replied closing her eyes and nestling into his body. Sleep this time, however, only came to him.
A/N: The emotions and fears in this chapter are based on real life, as is Mac's reaction in the dungeon.
On a side note, the final chapter of the story has just passed the draft stage! Only a few chapters remain until that one, then it'll be on to the sequel, "The Journey Continues." I'm exctied about it, I hope you are, too:)