Chapter 5
They worked hard the rest of the week and solved the case before Thanksgiving. Gia was a victim and her uncle had been raping her since 14. No one listened to her. It was a sad story, but they put the bastard away. The whole squad was invited to the Captain's house for Thanksgiving dinner, no excuses or exceptions. Amanda met Eileen, the Captain's wife. Melinda and Fin came clean so they could go together. Brian wasn't working for once, so he made an appearance. Amanda felt like a third wheel.
She made it through dinner, everyone singing happy birthday to her, and cake. "She's a Thanksgiving baby!" When Olivia excused herself to the bathroom, she said goodnight. They hadn't talked about that night at all. Olivia tried but Amanda didn't want to hear it. She was afraid that Olivia was regretting it. Olivia put Amanda on notice heading to work, "You ducked out on us for Thanksgiving, good luck doing that for Christmas, because you're staying at my place. You have to wake up with someone on Christmas.
Amanda was about to protest, "Before you say no, Brian is working and won't even be there." They worked cases and were busy. The holidays always brought up something. "Fin, what's the deal with Brian? I mean he doesn't seem like Liv's type." Fin smiled, "They were a thing when they became detectives together. I wasn't here yet. He couldn't handle SVU and he left. He's bounced around quite a bit and he's making the move for undercover work, so I'm sure he will be around less." Amanda thought it was weird that Olivia didn't mention it. "Oh ok." Fin just smiled, "You think you're her type?" Amanda laughed, "No!" Fin laughed, "Good, because you act up a lot."
Christmas Eve came and Amanda knocked on Olivia's door. "Hey, come in." Olivia showed her to her guest bedroom, "The bed is comfy and you have your own bathroom. My room is down the hall. If you need anything, let me know." Amanda, she opened her bag and looked at the gifts she dropped on the bed, "These are for you and this one is for Brian." Olivia smiled, "Put them under the tree. That's where yours are." They had dinner and talked, "Where is Brian? He works a lot." Olivia agreed, "He's trying to switch to undercover work, so I'm sure I will see him less."
Amanda asked, "Are you ok with that?" Olivia nodded, "I think we are in two different places right now. We have sex and that's it, if you want to know the truth." Amanda watched her wash the dishes, "Are we ever going to talk about that night?" Olivia turned around, "I think I tried, but you shut me down. I learned not to push you." Amanda swallowed hard, "You messed me up that night. I don't know how I'm supposed to sleep down the hall from you. I have sex sometimes, what we did didn't feel like just sex."
Olivia looked down, "What do you want me to do Amanda? You want me to come clean? You want me to tell Brian we're done? You want me to inform Cragen and One PP?" Amanda stood up, "No, I want you to fuck me." Olivia knew this was wrong. She was breaking all the rules. She grabbed Amanda's hand and headed for her room, "No, I can't go in there. I can't have you thinking of Brian." Olivia kissed Amanda and walked her backwards into the guest room until her legs hit the bed, "Amanda when I'm with him, I'm thinking of you." She pulled off her shirt and Amanda saw her full tan breast and toned body. "Fuck, you're body is amazing. Of course you're perfect."
Olivia pulled off Amanda's shirt, bra, and pants. "I'm not perfect, but I love your body too." Olivia disappeared between her legs. She kissed, licked, and sucked each inner thigh and finally used her tongue to part her slit. "You taste better than dinner." Olivia dipped her tongue in and out teasing Amanda and making her moan, "Mmmm Liv!" She moved her tongue to her clit and then sucked while she inserted a finger, "Fuck!" Amanda's knees closed around Olivia's ears which caused Olivia to stop.
Amanda yelled, "What the fuck are you doing?" Olivia flipped her like a pancake, pulled her up on her knees, and smacked her ass. "Your mouth is awful." Olivia left, "Don't move!" Amanda was on all fours and when she heard her leave, she stayed but looked at the door. She saw her ass was tan and toned. She watched the door until she heard her feet. She looked forward and felt Olivia lean on her back, "Did you move?" Amanda shook her head, "No." Olivia smiled and smacked her ass harder than before, "Liar!"
Amanda felt her hand cuff her front and then she felt an object push into her, "Fuck!" Olivia massaged her, "Are you ok?" Amanda's eyes were wide, "Yeah!" Olivia turned the vibrator on the first speed and Amanda's head fell down on the bed. Olivia rubbed and found a rhythm before speeding up. Amanda's moans became louder and more husky, "Fuck Liv! I'm going to cum!" Olivia pushed harder and faster, "That's the point of fucking you. Your words not mine. Let go Amanda!" With her words, Amanda came hard. Olivia turned it off and watched her body shake and keep coming.
Amanda woke up to the best Christmas gift, safe in Olivia's arms. Amanda blinked those blue eyes and Olivia smiled, "Merry Christmas!" Amanda smiled, but she knew it wouldn't last. They had a quiet breakfast and then opened gifts. Amanda smiled as Olivia opened her boxes, "Amanda, I love them!" Amanda wanted to be the first. She got her a desk plate and NYPD jacket that said Sergeant Benson.
Olivia pushed a big box her way, "Your turn." Amanda opened the box and smiled, "Thanks!" She held up the blue Nike running shoes, blue dri fit Nike pullover, and pants. "Notice the pocket that will hold your phone." Amanda hadn't been running in months and she wasn't about to come clean as to why she never could answer her phone. "Liv, you should run with me. You obviously work out."
They were laughing and the good time ended when Brian walked in, "Merry Christmas you two! What did I miss?" Olivia rolled her eyes, but Brian didn't see it. Amanda smiled and held up his box, "Presents!" Brian opened his gifts and went to sleep while they cooked dinner. Amanda blocked Olivia in using the counter, "You've made me cum twice and I haven't made you cum at all." Olivia looked into her eyes, "Actually, that's not true. That lip action you gave me the first time, made me cum first." They heard the door and Amanda jumped, but not before Olivia kissed her lips."
After the holidays things seemed to settle down or so everyone thought. Munch retired and Olivia officially became Sergeant and celebrated her birthday with everyone. Amanda secretly wished it was just them. Valentine's weekend was a hard time for Amanda. She did all the wrong things, trying to keep Olivia out of her head.
She was watching her every move in the squad room. "Liv! Nick! I need you two at the Eckhouse residence. Parents are dead and the teenage daughter is headed to the hospital." Fin looked at Amanda, "Wow!" Amanda asked, "Who's that?" Fin explain Joan Eckhouse was the head of the New York Gay Rights Coalition. They brought the case back and as they dug deeper, they learned the father was in deep with a gambling ring.
Amanda froze as suspects walked in. She recognized them well, they were bookies in the same undercover gambling ring she frequently visited for months. Fin saw the look they gave her, "Everything ok? What's the look for?" Amanda smiled, "Are you jealous?" Amanda knew she was in trouble, she watched Cragen call Olivia into his office. "Fin, I'm not feeling good. Can you tell Cragen?" Fin nodded, "Sure." Amanda ran out without even putting on her coat. She ran right into John and Declan. "Do you think we're stupid? You're a fucking cop!"
John punched her in the stomach and looked at Declan, "Deal with her!" He turned and Declan gently helped her up, "Don't talk. The color of the day is green. I know who you are, I've known for a while. When I heard he was being brought in I came to protect you. Your Captain and Sergeant know about you being in the club. I couldn't cover that up, but they also think that you are helping me at Vice." She looked around for John, "He knows nothing and is about to go down."
Amanda walked back in the squad room, "You're back?" She looked at Fin, "False alarm." She watched Olivia come out and look at her and she knew she was in trouble. "Nick, come with me." Cragen looked at her, but didn't call her in yet. Amanda looked at Fin, she had to tell him. "Fin, I'm in trouble." Fin listened and she told him everything, "Why are you gambling? You can lose your badge." Amanda shrugged, "The rush, the fun. They know." Fin felt bad that he didn't notice, "I'm not ready for a new partner."
Olivia and Nick returned and busted a major gambling and sex operation. Cragen came out, Rollins! Liv! My office." Fin sat back in his chair, "Good luck!" Amanda walked in the office and shut the door. She couldn't look at Olivia. "Liv swears she didn't know you were gambling in the underground club. She swears she doesn't know what's going on with you." Amanda finally looked at Olivia. She didn't tell him and she didn't know why. She had never trusted anyone. "Amanda, I brought you here, because I thought you were in trouble in Atlanta. I know addiction, because I used to drink. I drank off the job and on the job. My Captain could have put my ass in a sling, but he helped me instead. Lieutenant Murphy believes in you and went to bat for you at One PP. I know he's lying. He would have asked for prior authorization and permission for overtime. Do you want my help or not?"
Amanda couldn't believe what she was hearing. She looked at the man who saved her and the woman who was trying to save her, "They raped me Captain!" She told him everything and didn't give Olivia away at all. Olivia held her and rocked her while she cried. Cragen was livid, he knew something was wrong, but never imagined this. He called his friend the commander immediately with Amanda's permission. He gave him the name of the nurse at the hospital with the kit. Cragen hung up, "He'll be in touch."
Amanda asked if she could be excused to go home. "Amanda, you can go home and rest. I understand this has been traumatic. I'm ordering you to see a counselor and I'm taking 10 vacation days. No exceptions. You will report to Olivia and she will make sure you follow through with counseling. I'm doing this to keep it from your file, don't disappoint me." Cragen walked out, leaving Olivia and Amanda alone. "So you were called in here to talk about me?"
Olivia frowned, "Not at first. I had to inform Cragen that I'm pregnant." Amanda blinked, "Congratulations Liv!" It hurt hearing it and it hurt to say it, but Olivia deserved to be happy and Amanda's life was a mess. "I know you'll be a great mom. Can we still be friends without, you know?" Olivia didn't want to do this here. She needed privacy to tell her Brian flew off the handle and wanted nothing to do with her or the baby. Instead she smiled, "Amanda of course we can be friends, let's talk later ok."
Amanda nodded and Olivia was worried about her, "Where are you going? Don't lie to me." Amanda wiped her tears, "I just need some air and I'm going to thank the Lieutenant. Then I'm going home. I'm not lying." Olivia wanted to kiss her, but they were at work, "Ok. Call me if you need anything. Amanda we'll get through this." Amanda nodded, but she really wasn't sure. Maybe New York wasn't the place for her.
Amanda left and went to Murphy's precinct. He was only there because they busted the ring. "I was just leaving." Amanda smiled, "Thank you, but why did you help me?" Declan smiled and pointed, "Walk me out?" They walked and talked, "It was my job to check the people coming in. I knew who you were and I was hoping it was one time, but you kept coming back. I saw someone young, a little unsure, and about to hit rock bottom. I looked you up and saw you were new from Atlanta. That was a red flag. I guess I wanted to protect you until you pulled it together. I was also going to scare you after the bust." Amanda smiled, "I'm so embarrassed."
They stopped walking, "Well this is my stop. May the road rise to meet you detective." Amanda hugged him and cried, "Hey, it's ok. Why don't you come up and have a drink." Amanda went up with him and had a few drinks. They both had more than they should have. Amanda was going off emotions and Declan was horny and drunk. Amanda straddled him and kissed him. She could taste the alcohol on his breath and it made her flashback, but when she looked at him, she felt safe.
They kissed each other and he picked her up and carried her to his bedroom, "Are you sure?" Amanda pulled him close by his shirt, "Yes!" He knew he shouldn't but he had also been undercover and was going back under the next day. He pulled off her pants and undid his belt. She grabbed him around his neck. She could tell he was unsure, "It's ok!" He licked his hand and rubbed her below. When he felt she was wet, he pushed all the way into her. Declan was a big man and his length didn't disappoint, but she didn't love him. They both came, but they knew it was just a body's reaction. Amanda headed out, "Good luck on your next journey, stay safe, and thank you. I won't mess up again."
Amanda went home and showered. She was sitting on the couch and drinking tea when she heard the door. She checked the peephole and smiled. She opened the door, "Hey." Olivia sighed, "I'm glad you're checking the peephole now." Amanda smiled, "I think I'm in enough trouble with you." Olivia smirked, "I agree. Can I have some tea?" Amanda made her a cup and they sat on the couch. Amanda tried the friendship mode, "Is Brian excited?" Olivia shook her head, "No, he's more than pissed."
Amanda sat up, "What? Why?" Olivia looked at her, "I forgot my shot. I've been busy and didn't pay attention to my appointment. He didn't want kids and we talked about it. Which is why I went with the shot and not the pill. The pill is too easy to forget in our line of work." Amanda got that she had some bad Chinese food and missed a whole two weeks of her pill.
Amanda sat forward, "When are you due? Maybe he'll come around." Olivia sighed, "I'm due in August. And after what he said even if he does, I'm done." Amanda felt sad, "Did you want kids? I mean even if he didn't." Olivia nodded, "I did, but I was willing to be with him even though he didn't. He thinks I did it on purpose. We're definitely done." Amanda closed her eyes, "I'm so sorry. He's an asshole." Olivia laughed. "Liv, how mad were you when Cragen told you? How mad are you now?"
Olivia turned to see a kid Amanda, "I think I knew something was wrong. You don't hide it well at all, but I decided not to push you away." Olivia sighed, "So how mad were you when I said I was pregnant?" Amanda shook her head, "It was a punch to my gut, but only because I want you." Olivia leaned forward to kiss her and Amanda pushed her back. Olivia frowned, "So you don't want me?" Amanda twisted her hands, "What did you do?" Amanda had chance after chance and she kept messing up, but she wasn't going to lie. "I slept with Declan tonight."
Olivia threw her head back, "That was your thank you. Amanda Rollins, you need your ass spanked." Olivia laughed, "Was it good? Was it better than me?" Amanda frowned and Olivia pulled her close, "You better be glad I'm pregnant and I love you." Amanda's eyes got big, "Liv?" Olivia tilted her head, "I love you Amanda. I don't know why I was forcing things with Brian. Truth is, you scare me Amanda." They went to the bedroom and climbed into bed together. They didn't have sex, they just held each other and slept.