Chapter 1: A Dream to Remember

Personal log – January 23, 2186

It's been roughly a month since I destroyed the Collector Base and cut my ties with the Illusive Man. As much as I appreciated his… passion in funding that entire operation, I couldn't allow Reaper technology to get into his hands. Those eyes of his are of Reaper tech. I know it.

Unfortunately, because I've cut ties with him, any funding has been cut off. Luckily, Miranda has recovered some of the credits that were in my account for the operation. Because of this, maintenance for the Normandy has been relatively painless and definitely easier with Tali's help.

Tali… it's a wonder that she's stayed with me. That she made it. Hell, that we all made it through that last mission. With her help, we've been able to keep this ship afloat and out of the hair (poor analogy) of the Council and the Alliance.

I fear about what might be on the horizon for us though. My dreams, my visions, they're not stopping. If anything, they're getting more frequent. There's something else, something beneath the original message that the Protheans left in those beacons. Perhaps I'll visit Liara about it. She does owe me a few favors.

――――――

Commander Shepard – Captain of the Normandy SR2, softly pinches the bridge of his nose while letting out a quiet sigh. Cole wasn't one for writing out personal logs for himself. Partly because he liked to process these kinds of thoughts internally. The primary reason however was not wanting to leave personal information out there for anyone else to read.

Sure, he would encrypt and password lock all of his personal log entries, but all it would take is a good hacker to break through. Then all his thoughts would be laid bare and potentially used against him. Kelly Chambers, both his Yeoman and psychologist, recommended that he practice this. To what ends, he didn't know. All he knew was that it wasn't helping much.

Looking over to the right of his personal computer, he picks up his tablet to look over the latest maintenance logs. Tali, himself, and his two engineers were constantly setting up safety measures for the Engineering deck – especially the room holding the Normandy's engine core. They all agreed that the Illusive Man's engineers were idiots when they designed that specific area of the ship and desperately needed a redesign.

A soft tone came through the speakers in his room – causing him to look up slightly. "Shepard, you have an incoming call from the Engineering deck."

Letting out a heavy sigh, he tosses the tablet back onto his desk. "Again? She should know that she doesn't have to ask anymore." Pausing for a moment to let his disappointment settle in, he turns his chair to face the door to his room. "Sorry EDI, just send it through."

"Very well, Shepard."

A slight crackle goes through the speakers before Tali's soothing voice comes through. "Hey Shepard. Do you mind if I come up?"

"Tali…" he said with a crooked smile, "you know that you don't have to keep asking, right?"

"I know. I just… I'm still getting used to this."

"It's okay," he said with another sigh, "I understand. You're always welcome up here, Tali. Come on up."

This conundrum was something that Cole and Tali had been going through ever since they had sex before their last mission. She wasn't keeping her distance. In fact, she couldn't get enough of him – couldn't stay away. Quarians and their romantic relationships were always complicated. Their relationship was far more complicated than any Quarian relationship known to their race.

Sure, there might be another Quarian/Human relationship out there in the galaxy, but it was something Cole had never seen or even heard of. Fortunately, Mordin had been a massive help with allowing them to be together. The brilliant geneticist had supplied them with ointments, antibiotics, and sexual positions that would help ease any major complications or discomforts either of them would encounter during and after their moment together.

Getting up from his chair, he moves over to his bed and smooths out a section for both of them to sit on. After a few minutes, a soft chime sounded off in his room. Though, instead of coming through his speakers, it came through his door.

"Uh… Tali?"

A few, quiet seconds later Tali said, "Yeah… it's me."

Shaking his head, "Tali… you know you don't have to do this. This is your place too."

A few more seconds passes by before Tali opened the door and entered the room. "I know. Well not that I know but."

With a comforting smile, Cole stretches out his hand – which Tali eagerly accepts and guided her beside him onto his bed. Then, interlacing his fingers with hers, he gave her hand a gentile squeeze. "It's alright Tali. I know all of this is still new for you." He said while gesturing to the room around them.

"I wouldn't say that I'm still new to this. I've been wanting this since we stopped Saren."

Silence filled the room – neither of them know what to say next. It was an unspoken truth that was between them during those last few days before Tali returned from her pilgrimage. Even though Cole had a romantic relationship with Ashley, there was a certain spark of energy between him and Tali. Whenever they were together on a mission or chitchatting about one another's life, it always hit him in the gut. He imagined it was the same with Tali.

"How… have you been doing?" Cole said, wanting to cut the silence that had been building up. "I mean, how have you been feeling ever since our… joining? Have you been getting better?"

Using her free hand, she pulls her hood back and then turns to gaze into his eyes. "I've had my ups and downs. Health wise, I've been good." She said with a few nods. "The cough I had is finally gone."

"That's good to hear." He said with a sigh of relief.

"What about you?"

"Nothing new since I had that rash. Though I did have some swelling the other day." Tali's eyes go slightly wide, causing him to put on his dumb grin. "I was probably just horny though. So, nothing to worry about."

Tali just shakes her head. "Perv."

"Sorry, bad joke." Giving a reassuring squeeze of her hand, he turns to the head of his bed then back to Tali. "I was planning on going to sleep soon. Would you like to join me?"

"Sure!" She said happily and eagerly. Though, upon seeing Cole's dumb smile again made her feel a bit embarrassed – making her rephrase her acceptance. "I mean… I was just thinking about doing the same."

Pressing his head against her visor, "Great, just let me get changed."

A slight flush hit her face as she watches him get up and head to his dresser. For any normal person, or Human, watching your loved one get undressed becomes a norm after the first few times. For a Quarian, however, it wasn't something they really experience on a day-to-day basis. While Tali was getting used to it, the idea of getting undress meant intimacy to her people. Every day Cole could share himself with her. She however could not.

After pulling off his shirt and pants – leaving him in his boxers, he opens up his top drawer and pulls out a pair of pajama pants. Though before putting them on, he paused for a moment to glance at Tali, still sitting at the foot of their bed. Her body was half turned towards him, her hands clasped together on her lap, but her head was fully turned towards him. Even with her helmet obscuring her features, he somehow knew that her eyes were probably glazed over.

Putting on another smile, he unfolds his pajama pants, and puts them on. "You know, we've been together for quite a few weeks now. Yet you still look at me like we just got together."

"It's… the idea of what you're doing. Of what this is." She said while turning her gaze downwards. "Quarians never really spend quality time with each other like this. We don't go to our rooms, undress, then cuddle with one another day-to-day."

She looks back up to him, "Quality time is working on our ships. Constantly repairing them and upgrading them. Something like this…" She gestures between the two of them. "usually happens when we procreate."

Taking the moment to process what she said, he finishes putting on his pajama pants and then sits beside her. "Perhaps one day" He pauses for a quick second to lay his hand on her inner thigh – feeling the ever so slight tremor go through her leg upon feeling his touch. "when we get your home world back, the Quarians can start having these kinds of moments more frequently."

Warmth filled her cheeks, chest, and lower abdomen. It wasn't the fact that she was being touched. Even with the Nerve-Stim application she had reinstalled into her suit, it couldn't remotely come close to feeling like you were truly being touched by someone else. No, the real reason she was reacting this way was because someone actually loved her. Few Quarian were interested in her, and from those few Quarian, only a handful of them were remotely interesting to her. None of them could compare to Shepard, though.

Instinctively, she reached out to caress the side of his face. "It would be a nice change for us."

With a smile, he reaches up and lovingly grabs her hand along his face. "Ready to go to bed?"

She just nods, "Yes."

――――――

Lying flat on the ground, Cole stares into what he could only interpret as a void. An absolute nothingness. The ground below felt cold to him, but not harsh. For him, things felt safe, calm, almost tranquil. It was only when he stood up did things change.

As Cole looked around to take in where he was at, he noticed a faint red light coming from the horizon in front of him. Because of this light, he could see where the floor ended and where the sky began. In between was the red light. It had no shape, no form, but it felt familiar.

Having the urge to speak to whatever was showing itself, Cole focused on the light and mentally prepared himself for what was to come.

"What are you? What do you want?"

The ground rumbled beneath him, forcing him to regain his balance. Shortly after that, a mechanical roar shot out from the light along the horizon. It was a sound that he never forgot.

"You are not Saren." The light said in its rumbling, tone.

"It can't be… it can't."

"You touch my mind. Fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding."

"Sovereign." Speaking the identity of the red light before him immediately causes the light to grow and envelope him. Pain shoots through his body, causing him to go stiff. "You…" he gasps, "you will not beat me."

Then the red light shifts into a blinding white light – forcing him to close his eyes. Just as it felt as it was too much to endure, it shifted back to the darkness that had surrounded him before. Opening his eyes, he saw a planet before him. It was Ilos, and then it clicked for him. The message from the Prothean beacon was playing in his mind once again.

Images of the Protheans demise once again cut into him. All their pain, their suffering engulfed him – causing him to fall to his knees in agony. Blackness hit him once again. Moments later, the image of the Citadel materialized in front of him. Then from the center of the Citadel, a light burst forth followed quickly by the massive Reaper armada.

"My god… there's so many of them."

The ground once again rumbles as Sovereign speaks. "We are legion."

"I stopped you from bringing the Reapers from dark space."

"Reaper. A label created by the Protheans to give voice to their destruction. What they chose to call us is irrelevant. We simply… are."

"I also stopped what your kind were doing with the Collectors. You won't win."

"Confidence born of ignorance. We impose order on the chaos of organic life. You exist because we allow it, and you will end because we demand it."

Suddenly, from out in the distance, another voice was calling out. It was faint, but he knew it was Tali. Every fiber of his being wanted to call back to her – reach out for her, but he was frozen in place. Whatever this dream or vision was had to play out once again. The light from the Citadel drowned out its shape and suddenly replaced it with another planet.

"Where is this? I can't… make out anything on the surface."

The same mechanical rumble washed over him as Sovereign spoke to him. "My kind transcends your very understanding. You cannot grasp the nature of our existence. We have no beginning. We have no end. We are infinite. The time of our return is coming."

"I will stop it." The red light once again envelopes him – amplifying the pain he was feeling two-fold.

"Our numbers will darken the sky of every world."

"No… they… won't." He said, in between pants.

"Your words are as empty as your future. This exchange is over."

――――――

"Shepard!" Tali yelled, hoping to wake him up from the nightmare he was experiencing – it didn't work. Placing a hand on the side of his head and along his left shoulder, she attempts to shake him awake. "Shepard, wake up!"

"No…" He whispered. "I'll find a way."

"Shepard's vitals indicate that he is experiencing a night terror." EDI said.

"That's impossible, he's never had anything like this happen to him before." She shakes him one more time. "Shepard, you need to wake up!"

"That is incorrect Tali'Zorah. Shepard has indeed had a history with night terrors. He only has had them when experiencing the message from the Prothean beacons he encountered."

"He's never told me about them. Shepard!"

Suddenly his eyes shoot open. For a moment, he locked his eyes to the window above his bed – just staring at the stars going by. Then the reality of the moment hit him, and he takes in his surroundings.

"Shepard, as requested, I have logged the night terror. It has been one month, fourteen days, and thirty-two minutes since your last one. Would you like me to contact doctor Chakwas or professor Mordin?"

"No EDI, thank you."

"Logging you out."

Sitting up, he turns his attention to Tali and quickly grabs her hand. "I'm sorry if I frightened you Tali. As EDI so robotically stated, I haven't had this since we got together. I was kind of hoping it was going to go away, but I guess not."

She just nods slightly, "Is it PTSD?"

"That was my first thought, but I'm no stranger to PTSD."

"Meaning your mission on Akuze."

"Yeah. While I may still experience moments of heighten stress and anxiety from time to time, they've been lessening throughout the many years. This on the other hand has been getting more frequent and far more vivid."

Tali tightens her grip on Cole's hand, "I never thought you would wake." She said while shifting her weight uncomfortably.

"Hey, it's alright. I'm okay now."

"No you're not!" She said as she got up and turned away from him. "You broke out in a cold sweat, you were moaning in pain, and your body went stiff – as if you were being electrocuted."

A feeling of remorse washed over him as he got up and wrapped his arms around Tali. Leaning his head against hers, he slowly swayed her body back and forth to sooth her nerves. "I'm sorry. If these… dreams or visions were that big of a problem, I would have told you."

Closing her eyes, she gave into the comforting sway that Cole was doing. His warmth – even through her suit, was starting to melt into her – making her smile. After a little while of her love's swaying, a thought crossed her mind.

"EDI said that what you were experiencing were night terrors, but you called them dreams or visions. Which are they?" She said while turning to meet his gaze.

"It's hard to say really. The sensation of it is like being hit with the vision from the Prothean beacons. But it's intertwined with my memories with Sovereign on Virmire."

"Weird."

"Yeah." He said with a slight chuckle. "What's interesting about them though is that I'm getting new pieces of information. Like, the message they put in was actually longer than what I originally thought."

"Perhaps the message was damaged."

"That's my thought. It did take two beacons to ultimately piece together Ilos out of the message."

"Then perhaps we should go see Liara. She might be able to work out what this new information means or is pointing to."

"I had that thought as well, and she does owe me for helping her."

Tali pulls away from him slightly, breaking his hold on her, "She would help you even if you didn't help her become the Shadow Broker."

"Jealous?" He said with a raised eyebrow and a slight smirk.

"Well…" she pulls back in and wraps her arms around his waist. He in turn lays his hands on her waist. "She might be the Shadow Broker, and have all that power, but I have you. I think I come on top."

"Just how I like it."

"Ax'kah."

"Oh you know you like it."

She lets out a heavy sigh, "Yeah, I do. Kidding aside, even if you decide not to go see Liara for some reason, you'll figure something out. You always do, like with my trial. Looking back at all that, I'm not sure if I can properly express how much it meant to me when you withheld what my father did from the Admirals."

"I wouldn't let something your father did ruin your life with your people. Man, that trial was a bunch of bullshit. I'm just glad that they bought my dumb speech."

"Dumb but motivating." She said with a slight chuckle. "I never thought my life would turn out like this."

"How so?"

She once again pulls away but grabs his hands and squeezes them. "The fact that I have you."

"And I you." He said as he pressed his forehead against her visor.

Silence washed over them as they sank into the love they had for one another. But for Tali, something else had crossed her mind, and it ate its way through the loving warmth that had wrapped her up.

"Can I… can I ask you something Shepard?" She said while pulling away her hands.

"Of course, Tali, you need not even ask." He said, as a slight sense of confusion hit him.

"Once again, I don't think I can properly express how lucky I feel with what we have. There was a time that I thought I would never fall in love. Experience the touch of another on my skin. But… I must ask, how serious is this going to get? Where are we heading?"

A smile hits his face, "Where are we heading?" Giving her a slight nod, he lays a hand on her shoulder as he moves pass her and around their bed. "That has been on my mind as well these past few days." He stops the moment he was in front of his dresser. "So, I did some research on your people's customs and traditions."

Tali fidgets with her hands with how serious the conversation was going. "What kind of things did you find?"

"I found a lot of things actually. Found out that there's a lot I still need to learn. There was something that I quickly realized though. The things we've done… well, it doesn't happen until after your get married."

"Well… we didn't know if… I mean… how could we know… we would survive that mission." Feeling completely uncomfortable with the situation, Tali gave a slight tug on her hood to try to hide her visor as much as she could.

It was the truth though. Because of Quarian's immune system, sex for fun was taboo – almost unheard of. Only fictional pieces of work like Fornax or romance vids would explore this taboo. So, when Cole watched Tali's composure completely plummet, he knew that the taboo they explored – while enjoyable, was indeed too soon for their relationship.

"I know there was no way of knowing, but I now know that maybe we went too far too quickly."

"Maybe, but I don't regret it."

"Neither do I." Cole said with a smile. "But I did want to acknowledge it before I continued." He said before turning his attention to the first drawer of his dresser. "We've been so fortunate in getting to know one another. Dealing with Saren, then the Collectors, it feels like a whole lifetime." He takes the moment to let his words sink in, and search through the drawer for the item he wanted to grab. While it was only a few seconds – to Tali, it was an eternity.

What is he looking for? He can't possibly want to marry me. It's only been a month. Then again… it's been more of a year the way he's talking.

Tali's thoughts freeze for a moment as she sees Cole stop his search.

His breath has quickened. Whatever it is, it's important. Oh Keelah… is he really going to marry me? I know it's what I want, but is it what he wants? Does he feel obligated to marry me because we had sex? That's not how I wanted this to go…

"Tali?"

To her surprise, he was standing right in front of her. She couldn't help but stagger back from being startled at his sudden proximity to her. "Yee… yes?"

"I know things haven't been easy. I know things are going to get harder from this moment on." Cole pauses so he could pull out the gold ring from behind his back. "But in this moment, everything is alright. In this one moment, I have everything that I have ever wanted." He grabs ahold of her left hand and raises it to the ring. "I know this is a human tradition but Tali'Zorah vas Normandy, will you marry me?"

Tears swell up in Tali's eyes. "I… are you sure?"

"I am." Suddenly, Tali thrusts herself around Cole in the tightest hug that he's ever gotten – causing him to let out a chuckle.

"Yes I will Shepard." She squeezes even tighter, "I wasn't sure if you really wanted to be bonded with me."

Pulling away, she reaches for her hood and pulls it back. Recognizing what she was doing, Cole quickly grabbed her hands to prevent her next step.

"Wait, are you sure? We haven't prepped."

"I know but," she moves her hands to visor's seals, "in this moment, a simple kiss is the least of our worries."

Finding the release hatch for her visor's seals, she presses the button to break the seal. A click sounded the release of the seal followed by a soft, squeaking sound as the air rushed between the tight opening between her visor and helm.

She reaches on both sides of her visor and slowly pulls it off – revealing her unique beauty and her glowing, silver eyes. As she casually tossed her visor onto their bed, she pulled in Cole with her free hand and met his lips with hers. An overwhelming passion enveloped them both when they tasted each other's lips.

Engorging on the passion in the air caused them to shift the positions of their hands. Cole naturally guided his hands down the small of her back and onto her butt cheeks – giving them a good squeeze. Tali kept one hand latched on the back of Cole's neck – keeping him locked in their passionate kissing. The other hand traveled down his bare chest and down to his quickly growing package.

Several dizzying thoughts went through Cole's head in this moment. First was the primalistic thinking side of him, and it wanted exactly what she was doing to him. Her passion was filling this side of him up so much that the swelling in his groin would soon take over his more intelligent side. That side of him struggled against the thoughts of his primalistic side. It knew that they shouldn't be doing this. They didn't prepare and every second she exposed herself to the air – let alone him, would cause an illness. So a compromise was made.

Slowly, Cole moved Tali to their bed and gently laid her down onto it – making sure not to interrupt their kissing. This forced Tali to move her more exploratory hand back up to the side of his face, and his hands from her butt cheeks. Eventually, this allowed both of their passions and adrenaline spikes to smooth out.

Feeling that now was the time to stop, Cole gave one last, deep kiss and pulled back. "We shouldn't… keep going." He said between heated breaths. "Any longer and…"

"I know but…" tears once again well up in her eyes, "I want more."

Suddenly, a soft tone goes through the speakers in Cole's room – quickly followed by EDI's voice. "I apologize for the interruption Shepard, but you have an incoming call from an Admiral Hackett."

And with that, the passion vanished. The need for one another remained, but they knew they could go no further. Cole laid his forehead onto Tali's chest – taking the moment to catch his breath. Tali on the other hand quickly covered her face with her hands – in a hope to prevent herself from sobbing. Emotions were running high, but both were handling it differently.

"EDI… tell Hackett," he paused as he struggled to gather his thoughts, "tell Hackett to give me ten minutes. After that, he has my full attention."

"He did mention that it was rather urgent."

"Then remind him that I'm not a part of the Alliance anymore, therefore I'm not on his beck and call. He can give me ten minutes."

"Very well Shepard."

Looking over to Tali's visor, he quickly grabs it, then helps her to sit up. "We're going to have to work with Mordin to figure out a schedule of when we can properly spend time with each other."

She wipes her tears away and nods, "Yeah. We'll probably have to stop at the Citadel or Omega for supplies. You know… make sure we're well stocked."

He looks into her eyes and watches fresh tears roll down her cheeks. Instinctively, he wipes them away, then traces her jawline down to her chin. "We'll find a way to make this work." Cole said, pulling her in for one last kiss.