Chapter 3: Sudden Realizations

"You know Lieutenant… you're a lot easier on the eyes than I an… antici… anticipated."

"It's Lieutenant-Commander to you; random ass Salarian." Ashley said while picking up the shot of liquor she ordered. She stared at the shot for a moment, wondering what exactly she had ordered. In the end, though, it didn't matter. What she hoped it would do is give her a quick buzz before she had to meet with someone she really didn't want to meet.

"Oooooo… Lieutenant-Commander. My apologies… heh, heh, heh."

She downs the shot, "Mmmm, damn… hit me." The bartender nods and pours her another shot. "What exactly do you want Salarian?" She said before downing the shot and gesturing for another. "Are you wanting to set up a mating contract or something?"

"Pfffff, of course not. I'm not that kind of *hiccup* of a Salarian. I'm just looking for a good time."

Giving the heavily drunk Salarian a confusingly look, she downs her third shot. "With a Human?"

"Why not? I've done it…" The Salarian loudly makes a noise that either suggests he was about to throw up or whatever he drank was knocking his kidneys out. "Ugh… as I was saying, I've done it with a Human before." He then throws up one of his hands and counts. "I've done it with Humans, Asari, even a Turian. Though I got a rash afterward…"

"That's great…" Ashley turns to the bartender, looking for a way to get out of the conversation, but the Asari just shrugs at her.

"I want to do it with a Quarian too. Not sure how though… barely seen them on the Citadel."

"You might want to try their Flotilla. I'm sure you'll find plenty there."

"Bah, I don't have a ship. That's no answer."

"Then I guess I can't help you." Suddenly, her omni-tool lights up. "Sorry, I have to take this." She immediately gets up and rushes away.

"Awwww, don't go away beautiful."

"Just put it on my tab." She shouted to the bartender. "You have no idea how much you just saved me Counselor."

"Williams, when I'm not in front of the rest of the Council members, it just Anderson."

"Yeah, well, I like the thought of calling you Counselor, Anderson." She said, making her way out of the bar and towards the nearest tram.

"Unfortunately, you may not like calling me that after our meeting today."

"What do you mean?"

"Well clearly, I'm not going to tell you over a call. Meet me in my office and we'll discuss it then."

"On my way."

A sinking feeling hit her stomach as she took the trams to the Embassies – where Anderson's office was located. About a month ago, Anderson had called her about joining the Specters. With Shepard going rogue and working with Cerberus, someone else had to be the shining beacon for Humanity in the Specters. For some unknown reason to Ashley, Anderson had chosen her. She had refused him outright, but Anderson told her to think it over before actually giving him an answer. Today was the day to give him the answer, and it was still no.

As she entered his office, she saw Anderson talking with the rest of the Council members – causing her to freeze in place.

"Ah, Councilor." The Asari Councilor said. "Looks like your guest has arrived."

He half turns and greets Ashley with a smile. "Ah, Miss Williams. Please come in."

"Councilor…" Ashley said, slightly bowing her head – discomfort settling in. "I was hoping to discuss this in private."

"The situation has changed unfortunately."

"Now Councilor," The Turian Councilor interjected. "we haven't even agreed with admitting Miss Williams into the Specters. Letting her in on this discussion…"

"She's the only one that can remotely get close to him, Councilor."

In that very moment, she knew exactly who they were talking about. "Wait, what? Why do you need me to get close to Shepard?"

The Salarian Councilor turns to look directly at her. "Because his ship was the last ship to leave the Bahak system before it was destroyed. We believe that this was a terrorist attack by Cerberus."

"That's impossible!" Ashley said, clearly rattled by the sudden accusation. "Shepard wouldn't do that."

"That's exactly what I've been trying to tell them Williams, but they're not convinced. Which brings me to my proposal. We send Miss Williams to find Shepard and bring him in. That, or at least give us some information on what happened. In return, she'll become a Specter."

The Turian Councilor gestures in a disapproving manner by cutting the air with his arm. "We will not make a deal like that again, Councilor."

"Then, what do you suggest?" Anderson said chidingly.

"Seeing that the Alliance brought this information to us, it should be the Alliance that investigate it."

"I see. So, the Alliance does the dirty work while you three sit behind the scenes and rule out judgement during and after the investigation." All three Council members physically show their discomfort of the situation, but none of them say anything to rebut. "Fine, but I still get what I want. Ashley Williams will become a Specter."

Just as the Turian Councilor was about to argue about the subject some more, The Asari Councilor interjected. "Agreed."

"Good." He turns to Ashley. "Williams, I'll arrange a ship and a crew for you to command. All your reports will come to me. I will then relay them to the Alliance. Bring Shepard here by any means necessary."

――――――

Tali spent the rest of the evening with Cole. While it was her turn to do the routine maintenance on the core, Gabby insisted she focus on spending time to wind down from the last mission Cole took on. So, they just laid in bed – holding one another. Soon enough, sleep took a hold over Tali. Her two-day windup of stress and anxiety, along with her infection, had exhausted her completely. Cole, on the other hand, was still wide awake.

Even though he couldn't sleep, he laid there for an hour to ensure that Tali remained asleep. With the infection in her chest, he knew she needed as much rest as she could get. Carefully rolling over to get up from the bed, he headed to his hamster that he had gotten several months prior to the non-suicide mission. What was just an impulse buy turned into a proper love-hate relationship. Sure, the hamster was grateful to being nurtured, but every time Cole would come up to it, it would climb up the side of the container, squeak, then dart into hiding. It was almost ritualistic.

Just like all the other times, as soon as Cole got near the hamster's container it climbed up the side, squeaked, and darted away. Off of the corner of his eye, he saw a repeating flash of light come from his message terminal. A chill went through him as his mind raced through what the new message could be.

It's only been four-ish hours. There's no way the Alliance would call him in that quickly. Then again… maybe it's not from Hackett. Eh, who am I kidding, it's Hackett.

Sitting down at his desk, he opens the terminal and accesses the new message.

Subject: Fair warning

Shepard,

I told the Alliance what happened. Needless to say, they were not happy. They contacted the Citadel Council, but I haven't received word yet on what they plan to do. Whatever your next steps are, get them done fast before the call comes.

Hackett

"Damn." Cole said after reading the message from Hackett.

That was way faster than I expected. I figured Hackett would have given me more time. Then again, something this big doesn't stay quiet for long. He rubs his chin; I'm going to need a better plan than lying low with Liara. Unless… unless I turn myself in.

He ponders for a moment and attempts to weigh all the outcomes. Without any proof, I'm done for. If I have any chance at saving this Galaxy, I have to find something. I can't just turn myself in, not yet.

Getting all that he could from Hackett's message, he reaches over and presses the 'Archive Message' button. Though, right after the message went away, a prior message pops up on his screen. A message that he couldn't bring himself to archive or even delete.

Subject: Hey there.

Shepard-

I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. When I lost you two years ago, it tore me up. I prayed for you every day. I read a lot of Tennyson, thinking about you, just like I did when my dad passed. And then you came back, and it was like my prayers were answered. But I'm not who I was then, and neither are you.

I don't know what's true anymore. Part of me can't believe it's really you. I keep going back to that night before Ilos, our night... I haven't let myself think about those memories in over a year.

I wouldn't have expected you to work for Cerberus, but I know why they sent you to Horizon. I saw how many people were lost there, and if anyone can stop the Collectors, you can. I can't go where you're going, but I can wish you luck.

Just stay alive out there... Skipper. I don't know what the future holds, but I can't lose you a second time.

-Ash

Death closes all: but something ere the end

Some work of noble note, may yet be done,

Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.

This was the seventh time Cole had read Ashley's message, and every time he read her message, his mind would wander off and replay what happened back at Horizon. Tonight was no different.

――――――

The turret defense system deafened all sounds as it opened up and fired onto the Collector ship. Cole watched as the first barrage hit the ship, then watched as parts of the ship shifted and moved, followed by fire as it started to take off. The ground beneath him and his team rumbled and rattled, but Cole kept his eyes locked onto the ship. It brought flashbacks of what happened on Eden Prime. He didn't know what was taking off from the docks then, but it terrified him – just as this ship did.

"Hey!" Cole turns around to see who was yelling. Strangely enough, it was the man they had met and left behind in the maintenance garage. "They got half the colony in there. Do something!"

Cole stares at the man gawking at the Collector ship getting away. "There's nothing more that can be done now. I'm sorry, but… they got away."

Garrus pulls in behind Cole and lays a hand on his shoulder. "You've done more than most, Shepard. We'll get them next time."

"Agreed." Mordin said, "Plus, new tech worked. Will refine of course."

"Wait… Shepard?" The man said as he turned around to face Cole. "I know that name. Yeah, sure, I remember you. You're some kind of big Alliance hero."

A new yet familiar voice calls out from some rubble nearby. "Commander Shepard, Captain of the Normandy." Cole turns to face who was talking and smiles when he sees Ashley. "The first human Specter and savior of the Citadel." She stops in front of everyone and looks to the man. "You're in the presence of a god, back from the dead."

The man she addressed just looks to her and crosses his arms. "Figures you got left behind while all the good people were taken." He shakes his head as he walks away. "Screw this, I'm done with you Alliance types."

The team watches the man take his leave from the conversation. Ashley, however, took a few steps forward towards Cole. "I thought you were dead, Shepard… we all did."

Cole turns back to her and quickly embraces her. The feeling of holding her in his arms again sent a wave of relief through his body. Though, he soon realized that she was tensing up in his arms and not relaxing – causing him to pull away.

"What's the matter, Ash?" He looks into her eyes and sees only sadness and anger. "You don't seem very happy to see me."

She pulls further away to release his hold on her. "Shepard…" she crosses her arms, "I spent the last two years believing you were dead. I thought we had something special Commander, something real." She then shakes her head. "How could you put me through that? Why did you make me believe you were dead? Why didn't you even try to contact me to tell me you were alive?"

Completely thrown off, he takes a few steps away from her. "Ash… I wasn't able to. I spent those two years dead or in some kind of comatose state as Cerberus revived me."

"It's true? You're with Cerberus now?" She leans over slightly to look at Garrus. "Garrus too? I can't believe the reports were right."

"Wait, reports?" Garrus said. "You mean, you already knew?"

"Alliance intel said Cerberus could be the ones behind our missing colonies. We got a tip that this might be the next colony to get hit. There were also rumors that you weren't dead. Worse, that you were working for them. I went to Anderson, but he wouldn't talk."

Cole holds his arm out, gesturing in a way to calm Ashley down. "Anderson respects what I'm trying to do here. He's keeping this… alliance I have with Cerberus on the down low as much as possible." Ashley just shakes her head in dismay. "As to Cerberus, we may share the same interests for now, but that doesn't mean I answer to them."

She draws in closer to him, "Do you really believe that? Perhaps that's what they want you to think." She then rubs her forehead, "I wanted to believe that you were alive. I just never thought… I never expected anything like this." Suddenly, her demeanor and her tone shifted to something far more venomous. "How could you turn your back on all of us? You betrayed what we stood for. Most of all, you betrayed me."

Her words cut him like a chilled gust across his face. Though, the cut it gave him turned his astonishment into anger. "You know me better than that, Ash. I wouldn't be doing this unless it was the right thing to do. You saw it for yourself. The Collectors are targeting Human colonies. What's worse is that they're getting their orders from the Reapers."

"I want to believe you… but I don't trust Cerberus. It worries me that you do. Cerberus can just be saying it's the Reapers, when it really could be them behind it all. Why haven't you thought that it could be Cerberus working with the Collectors?"

"Damn it, Williams." Garrus cut in before Cole could get a word in edge wise. "You're so focused on Cerberus, that you're ignoring what's really going on here. If Shepard wasn't doing the right thing, I wouldn't be here."

"He's right." Cole said, reinforcing Garrus's statement. "You're blinding yourself with 'what ifs' about Cerberus and not realizing that the Reapers are the only ones with the technology who are capable of doing mass abductions like this."

She just chuckles and shakes her head. "Or maybe, you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved your life. Maybe you're the one who's blind."

――――――

A tear falls down his face after the scenario played through his mind again. The emotional weight of how it all went down, took a toll on him that day. After telling what happened on Horizon to the Illusive Man, he had put himself into a drunken stupor to wallow in his new misery. Afterwards, each time he read Ashley's message; he would throw himself into that dark well of misery – minus the drinking.

"Shepard?" Tali said as she sat up on the bed.

"Just looking at my messages." He said as he continued to stare at the screen. "I hope I didn't wake you."

"No, you didn't." She gets up and starts to walk to his side. "I wasn't all that tired to begin with."

"Liar."

"I'm not lying. Just because I have an infection doesn't mean I…" Just as she reaches Cole's side, he turns up to look her in the eyes and notices the sadness in his face. "What's wrong?"

All he does is look at the screen for a spilt second and then looks down to the floor. Turning her attention to the message, she reads the whole thing – causing her anger to bubble up. "Ugh, that bosh'tet. She can't possibly think that this fixes everything between you two."

"It doesn't." Tali looks at him. "Doesn't matter what she thinks, doesn't matter what she says, she crossed a line that day."

She looks back to the message, "Why now and not…" Her eyes then lock in on the timestamp of the message. "You never deleted her message. Why?" She said in an accusative tone.

He turns his chair around towards her. "I needed to know why she said what she said to me. I haven't found an answer."

"Why does it matter?"

"Because… ever since then I've been questioning myself, questioning my judgement. And now…"

She quickly cuts him off, "No. She was wrong. You have always been right."

"But why?" Tali quickly gauges the emotional tone in his voice and his expression and realizes that this wound went far deeper. "I had Garrus with me, vouch for me, and still she pushed me away." The emotional sound of his voice shifted to pure anger – causing him to rise in his seat. "If I'm always right, then why couldn't she see it? The facts were there. The evidence was all around her. I even had the right people with me. So why did she refuse to see it?"

"I… don't know." She said, dumbfounded. Then suddenly, a thought occurred to her. The mere concept of the thought scared her on how Cole would react to it, but she knew she had to say it. "Perhaps she… never truly loved you."

Tali's words made him feel as if a rampaging Krogan had hit him in the chest. Giving her an aspirated sigh, he slumps back into his seat and just stares up at her. "Is that why you joined me?"

"No." She said, shaking her head. "If that was the case, I would have joined you back at Freedom's Progress." She kneels beside him and interlaces her hand with his. "We both know that genuine love is more than just… commonalities and sex. It's about our actions and what we give to one another. What you did for Garrus, for me, hell even Wrex while we were going after Saren showed how much you cared for us."

Cole nods – understanding what she is trying to tell him. "You all became my family as time went on. The love I gave to all of you bought the belief in me."

He pauses for a moment to gather the rest of his thoughts. "Ash, on the other hand, just saw another soldier. And when Kaidan died, she got hurt just as I did. Our relationship turned into easing our pain, not falling in love. All she saw that day was a turncoat Alliance soldier. The whole, 'How could you do that to me?' jargon was just a front."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He gets up from his chair – bringing Tali up with him. "A lot of what happened doesn't make sense still, but…" He turns his head to the screen and reaches over to delete Ashley's message. "I think I'm done with letting it bother me." After deleting the message, he turns back to Tali and holds her other hand. "In the end, I found someone who saw pass the soldier in me."