Chapter 6: Lingering Emotions
Ashley, newly anointed as a "we'll see how it goes" Spectre, enters the bridge of the prototype ship Hackett gave her, and stands behind the pilot's seat. Even though they did not formally give her Spectre status, they gave her a substantial number of credits to equip herself properly. She, however, didn't care about the bureaucracy of it all. She was an Alliance woman, and her new armor reflected that.
Similar to the heavy armor she wore during her time in going after Saren, it was form fitting with heavy plates affixed to strategic places without sacrificing mobility. Alliance dark blue colored the main bulk of the armor with hints of golden strips throughout the edges of the suit. The left side of her chest piece bore the Alliance logo, her shoulders with the logo of her rank, and one other logo she didn't want. Along the backside of her left hand was the Spectre logo.
She gazes at the logo on her hand, brow furrowed with an expression of slight disgust. "How goes our active search for the Normandy?" She said as she buried the logo by crossing her arms.
"No hits on the scanners just yet. However, seeing that the Normandy has a similar and potentially better stealth system than ours, it could be awhile. A visual scan will probably be our best bet in finding them."
"Very well. Keep the high alert going and make sure there are people stationed in positions where observations can be made for visual contact with the Normandy."
"Will do ma'am." Ashley then turns to make her way up to the Meeting Room when the pilot speaks up once again. "Ma'am, permission to speak freely?"
She turns back to him. "Granted."
"Even if we find the Normandy, how will we disable it? We're not equipped to face a ship like that."
She remained silent as she too was pondering on how they were going to accomplish in bringing someone like Shepard, a marine, an N7, a Spectre, and the man that she loved, in. Prior communication with him hadn't gone well. The first time on Horizon with him went sour, and her attempt later on, through a message, was met with no reply.
Ultimately, her thoughts lingered on what Hackett told her. "Cunning. Cunning will win the day." While she still wasn't certain on how it would show itself, she had faith that it eventually would. "I'm uncertain on the how at the moment, but I have faith that the opportunity will present itself."
"Of course, ma'am."
――――――
With one hand on the side of her visor and the other on her hip, Tali moves in closer towards the foot of Liara's bed. "There's no way she will do what you want. She may not even believe you. She'll most likely not even give you a chance."
"Whoa, whoa, slow down Tali." Cole said, arms raised to calm the situation. "We can't go worrying about what could happen. I can't turn in this evidence anymore, but we also know that the Council, or at least the Alliance, needs to have this as soon as possible. We can use Ashley in that way and, in my opinion, it can be willingly or by force. I don't care anymore."
Liara, still sitting at the head of her bed, raises a finger. "If I may add to this." Both Cole and Tali look at her. "Regardless of Ashley's feelings about you or the situation, she was with us when we were going after Saren and learned about the Reapers. She should at least be receptive to this."
Cole just puts on a somber look. "She wasn't that receptive when I was on Horizon, as I detailed all about how the Reapers were using the Collectors."
"That was different. You popped out of nowhere and gave her that information while she was processing the fact that you were alive."
"She was a bit more focused on the fact that I was working with Cerberus." He said, in a slight chiding tone.
"That's beside the point." Liara said, waving her hand in front of her. "She wasn't hearing you because she was in shock that you were alive. Then you talked about Cerberus, which isn't a good name to bring up considering our pass with them and yours."
Tali leans onto the front of the bed. "Are you really taking her side?"
"I'm being practical, Tali. I'm certain you had your reservations about Shepard coming back."
"Of course I did, but I didn't just throw him away and accuse him of siding with an enemy."
"Sure, fine, that's on her for jumping to that conclusion, but she is also a soldier. She doesn't think the way we do. A grunt doesn't think about the big picture; only on what's in front of them."
"Well… that's a bit harsh." Said Cole.
"It's not wrong though." Said Tali.
"But that kind of sentiment applies to me though."
"All of us know that you're far more than that."
"Either way," Liara said, butting back into the conversation. "she has had the time to process all of it. I'm confident that she will hear you out."
"There's only one way to find out, Tali. No matter what happens with my conversation with her, she will leave with that evidence. Afterwards, we head to Omega for supplies, and then through the Relay to deal with my problem."
After a few moments of pondering everything that was said, Tali relaxes her stance along with crossing her arms. "Alright, we'll go through with this, but I want to be there for this exchange."
"Fair enough."
"Is there anything I can do on my end of things?" Liara said as she gets up from her bed. "I can funnel some credits your way for whatever you need on Omega."
Cole reactively waves his hands in front of him. "I don't think that's necessary."
"We'll take whatever you can give." Tali said, sounding more eager as she herself waved off what Cole was saying.
"Tali…"
"We still have some extensive repairs to make to the Normandy. The fourth thruster on the port side still flickers on and off." Cole moves to say something, but just holds his breath as he scratches the back of his head.
"Don't worry Shepard. I have a few contacts at Omega who will fix up the Normandy without cost. I'll also move some funds into your account. It won't be much though; I don't want any unneeded attention drawn to you."
"Thank you Liara, we really appreciate it." Tali said, bowing her head slightly.
"There is one other thing Liara…"
"Anything Shepard, I want to help as much as I can."
"I've been having… more vivid dreams or perhaps visions."
"You want me to join with your mind once again."
He nods. "I don't know if it will help, but if there's anything you can pick out from it."
"Very well, please take a seat." Liara said, gesturing to her bed.
Goosebumps crawl across Cole's skin as he recalled his most recent attack. It hadn't been that long since he was writhing in pain on her bed. The mere thought of placing himself back onto the bed filled him with uncertainty – almost dread. Liara took her position on her bed, sitting on her knees, and patiently waited for Cole to do the same. He looked at Tali and found that she was looking back – her eyes seemingly showing concern.
As a Quarian, she was intimate with the body languages of people. They molded their entire race to be hypersensitive to body language ever since they had to leave their home world. Of course, this turned into a two-way street. Because of their inability to show facial expressions, they themselves had to be more expressive of their gestures and postures. This both made them easier readers and easy to read.
Even though Cole was far from being a Quarian, he too developed to be sensitive to body language. No way near a Quarian's standards, but it was good enough for him to survive. His time with the Reds forced him to read people's intentions, as they were never at face value. So, when he looked into Tali's eyes, he knew she had to have some feeling of concern. He did not know what exactly, but the sentiment was there.
After the moment passed between them, all Tali did was give him a nod. Whether it was for acceptance for the merging of their minds, a gesture saying that everything was going to be okay, or a simple you can do this, he wasn't sure, but it was enough for him to take his position on Liara's bed as well.
Sitting cross-legged in front of her, she lifts and hovers her hands on the side of his face. "Like before, a joining like this can be strenuous for both individuals. It's important to maintain calm, deep breaths." Her head lowers slightly before shooting back up with eyes turned jet black. "Embrace eternity."
Shifting images and color pass through his vision. A jumbling, scrambling mess of the things he experienced in the past few days ran through his mind and alternately Liara's as well. "Something… is blocking me." She said, wincing in pain. "I have to go deeper."
Suddenly, everything goes black in his mind. He wasn't sure Liara's connection was severed, and he was now in a coma or if Harbinger took hold of him once more. Then, like a rising sun, a round shaped light appeared along the horizon that brought clarity to his surroundings. He was wearing the same clothes he brought today. The glowing scars on his arms, however, were gone.
"Hello? Is anyone here?"
"Over here Shepard."
Turning around, he saw Liara walking towards him, though she was wearing something different from what he last saw. Dressed in a simple short-cut grey tank top and grey sweatpants, she slowly makes her way across the black-tiled floor to him. It didn't take long to reach one another as he too made his way to Liara. As they met up, he could help but have a confused look on his face – she only had a smile.
"Liara? Where… where are we?"
"It's a little hard to explain. I'm not sure if you heard what I said before, but something was blocking me from connecting with your mind on a… surface level."
"Yeah… I think I heard that. It probably had something to do with Harbinger and their connection to me."
"I agree. That's the most likely theory of why. However, Asari are capable of going deeper into one another's minds. We… usually ask permission to do this as it's a very intimate thing to do within our culture. So, I apologize if I've overstepped but there was no other way of connecting with you to see your dreams or visions."
"Well… I mean, this isn't so bad." He said while looking around and gesturing to the surrounding area.
"The thing is… we're now permanently bonded. I'll be able to feel you in certain moments and you might be able to feel me. It's easier for two connected Asari to feel one another, so I'm not sure how often you'll be able to feel the connection between us."
"Oh…" He said as his eyes go slightly wide, realizing the impact this would have.
"I'm sorry, truly. Like I said, we reserve this for our partners or extremely close friends." She said as she got closer to him – her arms now tightly wrapped around her stomach.
"Well, we are close friends, aren't we?" He said after processing everything for a few seconds.
"We are but… you and Tali are bonded, and as much as I wish I was in her position…" She stammers as her emotions on the matter whirl up inside her. "It's wrong of me to take a part of you that she can't ever access."
"Liara…" He reaches over to grab a hold of her shoulders, but she shrugs his touch away. "You can't beat yourself up about this. If Harbinger or the Reapers were blocking you, then this was the only way. I need you, just like I need everyone else on my crew to guide and help me do the things I need to do. And… in as much as I hate it, I need you all to help me through what I'm dealing with." This time, he pulls her into his embrace. She wasn't resistant about it, though her body went stiff in his arms along with dropping her arms to her sides.
"It's not even right of me to bring up my lingering feelings for you." She said as she dug her head into his chest – tears streaming down her face.
"Damn… I'm so sorry Liara." He said, putting his chin atop her head. "I never realized that it went this deep all those years ago. I'm sorry that I caused all that confusion within you… hurting you." He pauses for a moment to let his words sink in. "Just know that the love I have for you will always be there no matter what, sister."
With those last few words said, Liara could no longer contain her emotions anymore. Her arms slowly wrap around him, not in a way of giving a hug, more of desperately holding onto the thing she wanted most but couldn't have. The feeling surrounding them was mournful and full of heartache. Her verbal sobbing nearly bringing him to tears.
Outside of this, Tali stood there, full of confusion and worry as she watched over Cole and Liara. In her experience, Liara's process of merging with Cole's mind was quick – lasting, at most, only ten seconds. Tali heard she was having a problem connecting with him and had to go deeper, but she had no insight into what that meant or entailed. All she could do was watch their bodies sway ever so slightly back and forth and wait for them to come out of the merger.
They stood in their embrace for several minutes, allowing her to go through the process of pain, rejection, and finally acceptance of everything. It was only when she loosened her grip on him that he loosened his and pull away slightly. She kept her hold on his waist, though not fully ready to let go of him. Because of this, he too kept his hold on her, but kept his gaze on her lowered head.
"You know… it probably wasn't easy dealing with my and Ashley's confrontation after what happened on Virmire." She said in between sniffles.
He lets out a low chuckle. "No, no, it wasn't. Emotions were high that day and I think both of you wanted to comfort me and well, it turned out to having two maidens verbally duke it out."
"Haha, heh… yeah. It was quite foolish of us."
"Eh, like I said, it was my fault. I shouldn't have made things confusing for either of you."
"Well," She tilts her head up to look into his eyes. "part of it was my own aspirations and dreams too." He just smiles and leans in to kiss her on her forehead. Afterwards, she fully pulls away from him and wipes away her tears. "Goddess, I'm a mess. I'm sorry that I distracted us from doing what we needed to do."
Cole just puts up a hand. "Don't be. It was something you needed to air out and be felt."
"Of course." She said with a smile as she finished wiping away the leftover tears. "To the task at hand. This place is a visual representation of both of our minds together. Our thoughts, a conversation. Our feelings, expressed at a more intimate level." She then turns to the horizon. "And our memories and dreams, something to watch together."
Cole follows her gaze to the horizon and watches as the light dims then fades away, being replaced with a cloudy, yet moving image – like watching a flickering screen attempt to play a video. Then, in a fraction of a second, the image crystalizes. All he could see was grass moving beneath whomever was running across it. Out in the distance, he could hear a child's laughter.
Looking back to Liara, he watched as her smile grew and her hands clasping in front of her. It was only then did it click with him that what they were watching was a memory from her. As he turned back to the image, he saw a cityscape. Unfamiliar to him, yet he somehow recognized it as the Asari home world. He had never set foot there, but through her memory, it was planted within him that this is where this memory had taken place.
The memory's vision shifts and turns to a woman sitting on a bench near a tall tree. Cole stops to think about what time of year this took place when a sweet, nectar scent of blossoms wafts in their surrounding space – leaning him to believe that it was spring like.
Mommy, mommy, look what I found!
The image of who Liara, as a child, was running to clarify and reveal a slightly younger looking Benezia, wearing a yellow sundress. What did you find, my Little Wing?
I found this fossil! Here look! A little blue arm and hand pops into the image, holding what was clearly a rock, not a fossil.
My, my, what a find. But look at you, you've gone and dirtied up your clothes. Come, let's go home and clean you up. The memory stops there and fades away with the light along the horizon simultaneously rising into view.
"That was amazing Liara. Thank you for sharing that with me."
She slightly turns to him. "Yeah, that was just one tiny memory I have of my mother. One that I often look back on happily. You try. Just think about a memory you haven't thought of for a long time."
"Really?" She just nods. "Okay…" He said with a slight sigh. Not sure about what to think of, he closes his eyes and tries to think of something he had long forgotten. Soon enough, the light dims and fades once again, followed by the same cloudy, moving image.
It would appear… don't have… morning person.
Cole's eyes snap open upon hearing the familiar, female voice. The memory crystalizes and all they could see was darkness with a slight crack of light in the corner of the memory's image. The sound of something like a bag being laid down fills the space, along with the sensation of someone gently rubbing their back.
Hey there.
What followed was the sound of a boy grumbling into the ground beneath him. Morning Mom. Wait… mom?!
Blinding light fills the image, which quickly clarifies into the sight of a woman's bosom and her side. It was just a bad dream. That's all it was, right Mom?"
Muffled sounds of the woman being choked up along with the sensation of a grip being tightened on them.
Cole… I…
Liara looks to Cole and watches his jaw clench and his eyes lock into the image before them. The image then looks up at the woman speaking to Cole, revealing a teenaged woman. Shaggy, sand colored hair, bright blue yet tearful eyes, with splatters of dirt and grime across her face. Her features sharp, yet kind and somber looking in this moment. She reaches out with one hand to the side of the image they're watching.
"Stop." Cole whispered and in response, the memory stops and fades away.
"I'm… sorry Shepard. I know it's hard to control what our minds want to bring up."
"It's okay." He said, breathing heavily. "I haven't thought about that point in my life for a long time."
"If… if it's alright to ask, who is she?"
"A long-lost sister. I lost contact with her when I ran to the Alliance to get away from the Reds."
Liara, now fully facing Cole, took on a shocked expression. "I forgot you were once in a gang."
"It wasn't by choice."
She stood there and attempted to piece together what it all meant. The memory I saw was of him as a child, looking upon a woman that he called a sister. Mom… he called out to his mother, but it wasn't her… he also mentioned it being a bad dream. A mother not there, bad dream, a woman he calls sister… the Reds…
"Your parents were killed or… taken, and she saved you from… whatever happened." She pauses for a second before another realization hit her. "She was in the Reds, wasn't she?"
Silence filled the space around them as Liara patiently waited for Cole to respond. His gaze never faltered away from where the image of the memory was being played. He just stood there, locked in place – haunted by the ghost he just saw.
Liara reaches and gently grabs his hand. "Shepard?"
"I…" His body judders and almost robotically shifts as he shakes off the stunned state he placed himself in. "I'm sorry. I rather not talk about it if that's alright."
"Of course, Shepard. I didn't mean to pry so much."
"No, no, it's fine. Been struggling with my identity and bringing up things in my past all day today. It isn't shocking that this memory came up because of all that."
Liara nods. "Let's just focus on the dream or vision you mentioned."
"Heh, yeah. Kind of got heavily sidetracked with this. Yeah… just give me a moment."
Once again, he closes his eyes and thinks about the vivid dream he had a few days ago. As before, the light dims and the image of the memory comes into focus. When Cole opened his eyes, he saw the memory show the planet Ilos, though instead of it just being a quick glimpse of the planet, it lingered there.
"I don't understand. This isn't what I dreamed of. Sovereign was talking to me, and the imagery in it was moving much faster."
"Hmm… perhaps your mind is cutting out what was the dream and giving us the actual vision."
The memory hangs on the image of Ilos for a while longer before shifting to the garbled mess of the Prothean's demise. Flesh merging with machine, screeches of twisted monstrosities, and finally the image of a Collector. The image then shifts into the Citadel and the light emanating from the center of it – followed quickly by a swarm of black, purplish dots escaping from the light.
"Well, it looks like your mind has pieced together more of the beacon's message. This shows that the Citadel is a giant Mass Relay like what Vigil said on Ilos."
Another shift in the image shows a darkened planet with one pulsing light on it. No features to the planet or an approximation of its size.
"Here! This is the next part of the puzzle."
"Hmm… Unfortunately, it's not much to go off on. Reminds me much of the time when we needed another beacon to realize that it was Ilos as our mysterious planet. Perhaps this is the case again. We may need to find another beacon."
"Maybe. I certainly don't have time for my brain to work it out."
"I look into it, Shepard. Having a much wider net this time should make the search easier."
He looks at her. "Thank you Liara."
She just smiles back. "I'll always be here to help from now on, and this time I won't be second guessing you or jumping to conclusions."
"Well, the jumping to conclusions will be nice not to have, but keep with the second guessing. I'm not perfect and neither are my plans."
"They're better than the Council's, and I would also say that you're more perfect than them."
He lets out a chuckle. "Thanks, Liara."
Suddenly, everything around them goes black, followed by a sharp pull of their consciousness as the connection between the two of them gets ripped apart.
"Cole, Liara? Hello?!" Tali said as she shook both of their shoulders.
Both of them react to the painful separation of their minds at the same time and clasp their hands on their heads.
"Ah, damn it…" Said Liara.
"Fucking shit…" Said Cole.
"What happened? You two were in this… catatonic state for nearly twenty minutes."
"Twenty minutes?" Cole said as he looked at Tali, then Liara – still grasping the sides of his head.
"Yeah…" She said painfully. "Time in that type of merging is more like what we experience normally. Also, the connection made doesn't normally get cut that sudden. Ugh… I panicked at the sensation of being shaken and I cut our connection too suddenly. First time doing this and it's very clear now that I shouldn't do that again."
"What kind of merging was this?" Tali said, still very confused and now flustered.
"I'll explain when my head isn't throbbing."
"Don't worry Liara, I'll explain it to her." He pulls himself off the bed and goes to Tali. "Is there anything we need to do for you to ease the pain?"
Rolling herself onto her back, she pulls a pillow over her eyes to block out the light. "No, I just need to rest. I'll reach out to who I need to before the day is up and send you a message when it's all done."
"Okay, Liara and thank you again." He looks to Tali. "Time for us to go."
She nods and follows Cole out of the room, but looks back to Liara. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay Tali, focus on Shepard."
Tali turns her head to look at Cole and found that he was too was looking back at Liara. As he turned to look forward, his eyes linger onto hers for a fraction of a second, and, with a nod, they continued their way to their shuttle.
The journey to the shuttle was met with silence. Most of it was for the splitting headache that he had received from the sudden disconnect with Liara. Though he imagined she was suffering far worse than he was. The other part was that he simply had nothing to say at the moment. As they turned the last corner to the hangar, Cole saw the shuttle positioned for departure and was seemingly undamaged from their rapid entry.
"Well, it looks like you made a clean landing."
"I know. Just imagine what I could do with the Normandy." She said as she reached for the hatch.
"I doubt Joker would let you take the reins."
"I could probably convince EDI that it would be a good idea."
Both of them enter at the same time, though Cole turned back to close the hatch. Tali stood there waiting for him to take his seat at the co-pilot's chair but was replied with a wave of his hand.
"I think I'll stand this time. Rather not sit and think."
She just shakes her head. "You can stand and think too, you know."
"Not with this headache. Go on, I'll be okay."
She nods and heads to the pilot's seat. Cole, after taking a longing look at her, turned his attention to the cool glass pane in front of him. Almost instinctually, he lays his head onto it to help release the throbbing pain in his skull – the touch of it sending another wave of goosebumps across his skin.
"Ah, that's nice…" He said as he closed his eyes and soaked in peaceful moment, until he opened his eyes and stared at his reflection in the window.
Half man… half machine. He thought to himself. I'm quite astonished by how rapid the cybernetic scaring has spread. Can't even see the color of my right eye anymore. He reaches up to touch the scar below his eye. It's funny that the scaring line is in the same place as where my old scar was from that Thresher Maw attack. Looks like Miranda's work wasn't as perfect as she thought it was.
"I thought you couldn't think with that headache of yours." Tali said as she interlocked her arm and hand with his.
"Heh, I guess I can." He pauses for a moment and lowers his head. "I'm sorry Tali."
"For what?"
"For everything." He said as he shook his head. "That you have to deal with this. For my unresolved feelings for Ashley. I… yeah…"
"It's okay. Well, maybe not the Ashley bit, but for now, it's alright."
He chuckles. "Yeah… if I could Tali, I would tear out all my feelings for her and throw it away."
"I know, and I do appreciate that thought, but… that's not who you are, and I prefer it that way. You have such a big heart, Cole and I don't want that to go away." She said as she leaned into him.
"In my current case, I kind of hate it." He said, leaning into her as well.
She chuckles back. "Besides," She then raises up the engagement ring that he gave her between the two of them. "I know you chose me over her. Which means I win."
Unable to contain himself, he goes into a laughing fit. "I didn't know… heh… I didn't know it was a competition."
"Hey, between her, Liara, and any other woman out that wanted to jump you, I'm the one that got the proposal. There was a lot of competition."
"I am a very desirable man." Tali immediately elbows his side. "Ow… heh, hey. That hurt."
"Oh, you can handle it."
Some more laughs and chuckles pass between them, both enjoying the small nugget of love and life that they could indulge themselves in before the Galaxy once again comes down upon them.
"I love you Tali."
"I love you too, Cole."
A small smile grazes his lips. "I like you calling me by my first name."
"Oh… I… yeah. I've been wanting to for a while now, but it felt inappropriate. The name Shepard carries so much weight. It's your image, who you are as the savior of the galaxy."
"I wouldn't call myself a savior, Tali."
She pulls away slightly and looks at him. "You literally stop two Reaper invasions."
"I… well… yeah. Well, I only really postponed them." She just stares at him, almost as if she was saying 'oh please.' "Okay, fine. I stopped two Reaper invasions, thus making me the savior of the galaxy." He smiles once again and leans his head onto her visor, places two fingers on his lips, then places the same fingers onto her mouthpiece.