In a word, waffle. But it's not long, so hopefully good waffle. I wanted to write some serious KaRe stuff, turned out pretty angst-y. Oh well.

I'll dedicate it to Lucy (Raven Adamar). For wanting to read it. XD

When I first realised I was in love with you, I tried to deny it and tell myself you were just another friend, but one who I valued more. I realise now how wrong I was- you could never be just another friend to me. You're the only one I can really tolerate in the team, and I find myself constantly wanting to be by your side. When you're talking with other people I'll just watch you silently and find myself thinking, "God, you're so beautiful."

I don't want to feel like this. Yet, at the same time, I live for the moments when you smile at me or accidentally brush my hand. Recently, I've discovered a great emptiness in my life that I now know only you can fill. And it aches terribly, this black void inside of me.

I constantly tell myself that you could never love me back. I'm not affectionate or funny or any of those other qualities that people find attractive. I'm not any of the things that you are. Sometimes I feel I'm just a cold, empty monster of whom people can only despise or pity. I don't think you despise me, but I don't want your pity, either. I want your unattainable love.

I don't care about sexuality- if I love you, that's that- but I don't know if you do. I hope you'd be able to see past all that narrow-mindedness. I think you would- you're Rei.

Often, I let my imagination wander to what it would be like if I could really have you, and kiss you, and love you. I think that's all I'd ever need to live. One kiss from you would be better than anything else I've ever known, I'm positive of it. I'm so protective over you, I have to restrain myself sometimes before my feelings become obvious. I get jealous over the tiniest things you do, or if a stranger looks at you. I want to be able to put my arm around you and shield you from all of that.

But, I don't tell you all this. I'm scared- the great Kai Hiwatari, in love and scared shitless. My biggest fear is if I ever found the courage to tell you how I love you and you said no and I lost you forever. I couldn't live, honestly I couldn't.

I'm so scared and uncertain and you're breaking my heart.

Review, please?