Sho liked to watch when Shimazaki cleaned out his eyes sockets.
He really thought that it was cool and not at all gross. This was cool because it was gross and gross things were cool. Like when he and Emmy found that dead bird in the snow and it had half of it missing and junk. That had been gross….well also very sad and they'd had a bird funeral of course….but it had also been cool. Gross things were cool. They really were. So this was cool and this whole thing was just…cool.
It really was.
This was what Sho wanted to be doing first thing in the morning. He and big sis had come over for pancakes, Shibata's homemade pancakes, and Shibata was still making them. Big sis was helping Shibata cook, she was watching the stove because Shibata kept on getting distracted, and Sho was helping Shimazaki clean out his eyes. It was kind of mean how nobody would let him do this at the kitchen sink. It wasn't that gross. Not as gross as the time that big sis forgot her bottle of milk under her bed and they didn't find it until they were about to move…and then Sho had opened it….that had been gross. This wasn't gross, it was cool.
It really was.
He watched Shimazaki wipe off the outside of his eyes. That was the part that came first. That way he wasn't going to end up just shoving more dirt in there. Sho was sort of glad that his job wasn't to help with that. No, he was the one who held the eye socket cleaner. He wasn't sure if Shimazaki really needed someone to hold that for him and stuff but he was happy to have the job. He was happy to be there. He was happy that everyone was done fighting, Shibata had specifically invited everyone over for forgiveness pancakes, and he was happy to be able to be there with Shimazaki. He had been afraid that he would have sided with Minegishi but he hadn't. Everyone had been on their own side and now they were all getting along so side didn't matter anymore. The fighting was done and they were done and they were all friend again.
They had never stopped being friends in the first place, he and Shimazaki.
"God, I hate doing this." said Shimazaki as he finished step one of a very long and very tedious multistep process that he had been doing a week, or as needed, since he had been old enough to be trusted to do this himself. He had, in the past, tried to forgo it all together but then he'd ended up with infection after infection, he'd opened his eyes a lot more often as a kid, so he'd learned his lesson eventually.
"I'll do it for you if you want!" said Sho. He didn't want to do that for him, he really didn't, but that was what friends were for and he was a good friend. He knew that Shimazaki would have done the same for him. Sometimes you just had to help your friend out. Like the time at the party when Hatori had gotten way too drunk and Shibata had to stop him from doing dumb stuff and also made sure that when he peed he didn't do it in any more sinks, Sho had heard anyway he had been busy hanging out and…stuff. Well he and Shimazaki were way better friends than Hatori and Shibata anyway because Shimazaki would trust him with this!
"No thanks, I got this. You just be ready with that eye solution…and don't drink it or you'll get fucked up…and not in a fun way." said Shimazaki as he wiped his eyelids with the end of someone's towel. Maybe it was his maybe it wasn't. If people didn't want him using their stuff then they should have hidden it better from him.
"I'm not going to drink it. Why would I drink eye cleaner?" asked Sho. There was one of those symbols on the front that made sure that even people who couldn't read could tell that it would poison you if you drank it. Seemed kind of stupid to put a drawing on the front of the bottle when it was supposed to be used by people who couldn't see.
"Because sometimes it's fun to drink things and see what happens. You'll see when you get older. God, we are going to have so much fun together when you get older." Said Shimazaki. The kid's aura giggled there. The kid himself did not but his aura did. Could have been nothing or it could have been something…but even if it was something then it was still nothing. He had no idea what Fukuda had been spouting off about. The kid with a crush on him…flattering but nothing would come of it.
"Yeah…we'll have fun." Said Sho. He felt weird. He felt all warm and not warm all over and stuff. His aura did a weird thing, too, but maybe it wasn't weird because it had been doing that a lot lately. He didn't know why. Of course they would be still friends when they got older. They would be friends until the end of time. Just like dad and Fukuda only they would still hang out and neither of them would get grumpy when they got older. They would hang out and be friends and…and even if they never built forts or played at the park together or went down into the sewers together Sho would still want to be friends with him. Even if he had to help clean out Shimazaki's eyes when they were old and stuff then he would still his best friend ever.
Also Sho would have a girlfriend and stuff because he just would.
"Kid, do I have any more eye goo?" asked Shimazaki. He made sure to actually face the kid after he asked. Not that he'd had to. The kid's eyes had been focused on him for the whole time. The kid had been focused on him and it could have just been that fascination that all little boys had with the gross and macabre when they were his age…or it could have been something else that happened to little boys at around his age.
Well, whatever.
The kid could feel however he wanted. It was a free country…right? He had no idea. He wasn't a travel guide. Well to him the kid could be whoever and whatever he wanted. If he was gay or bi or pan…he wasn't sure how that one worked but it was what Toshi was…Shimazaki didn't give a damn. He wasn't a hypocrite. What, was he supposed to tell the kid that he had to take all of the weird and confusing feelings he was undoubtedly having and then stuff them in a sack and drown them like they did to guys who talked? Nope. He was not a hypocrite. The kid was what he was and Shimazaki didn't give a fuck who he was or what he was or who he wanted to fuck or if he wanted to fuck Shimazaki at some point in the future. It wasn't ever going to happen so, yeah, this was still his best little friend.
And also he was good for telling Shimazaki if he still had goo around his eyes.
"No, you're good." Said Sho. Next was the part where he actually cleaned out the inside of his eyes…and it was not gross. Nope. It was cool because gross stuff was cool. So he would totally watch and stuff but…but also Shimazaki's tattoos were even cooler. So he decided to look at those for a little bit. Not the one he had of Minegishi, though, because it wasn't that good. The color had faded from their hair and they never looked that happy. He focused, instead, on the way that the dragon on his back wrapped around his side to meet the dragon on his front.
It was so cool.
When Sho grew up he was totally going to cover himself in tattoos just like Shimazaki. He would get all of the exact same ones he got…but not of Minegishi because they and him didn't get along…but he would get…well he had to get one of a girl. Maybe his mom? Yeah, that would be like spitting in dad's face. Mom may have run away without telling anyone where she was going…or saying goodbye….or even leaving a note…or anything…but she was not a traitor. She had just decided to run away from home and leave all of them behind so she could go off and do…mom stuff…or whatever she was doing out there…
Maybe not a tattoo of mom.
Maybe of big sis then. She had always been there for him and she was always talking him though the things that made him sad and she was always hugging him and telling him that everything was going to be ok even when it wasn't…and she loved him and he loved her and they both loved each other…so, yeah. He would totally get a tattoo of his sister on his arm. With clothes on though because otherwise it would be weird. The last girl that Shimazaki had on his arm, the one before Minegishi, had been naked. Minegishi was dressed in that tattoo. That was good. No matter the person Sho thought that it was a little bit weird to have a naked picture of them on your arm and stuff.
But maybe you were supposed to do that for a girlfriend.
Shimazaki had said, before, that the girl on his arm was someone he used to care about and not a girlfriend. He had said that he'd never had a girlfriend in his life…so Sho had no reason to be mad at some girl that he had only seen a naked picture of tattooed on his friend skin and stuff. What did he care if Shimazaki had a girl tattooed on him before? They were friends and friends did not care if their friends had girlfriends. Friends were happy when their friends had girlfriends and besides…he was the only out of their whole friend group with a girlfriend.
So, really, he had no reason to feel this way.
He had a girlfriend now and she was cool and stuff and they were friends and stuff so, really, he had no reason to be upset about Shimazaki spending time with some girl that had meant a lot to him in the past or with Minegishi who meant a lot to him in the present. He had no reason to feel all mean and weird about that so he wouldn't. He was Shimazaki's best friend and that was it's own category so…so that was that.
Besides, he was the one who Shimazaki trusted to hold onto his eye cleaning solution for him so take that Minegishi!
"Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning my eye sockets out. I got some dirt and dust and shit in them so now I clean them out….with eye solution…Sho give me my eye solution…" sang Shimazaki. He held out his hand towards Sho and did the 'gimme gimme' motion with his hands. He didn't really need the kid's help for this but he liked to help so why not let the kid help?
"Here….and I didn't drink any of it." Said Sho. He handed it over and their hands brushed…and he hadn't meant for their hands to brush…or maybe he had…no he hadn't. He hadn't because that was what you did with someone you liked…and he did not like Shimazaki. He didn't like Shimazaki because…because he couldn't…and he didn't care about how Shimazaki's hand had felt brushing against his hand. That had been…just skin touching skin.
Everyone had skin.
Feeling Shimazaki's skin wasn't any different than feeling anyone else's skin. He hadn't even felt his skin! Not for real, anyway, because he still had his barrier up. He always had it up when he was awake. It was there and thin and Sho had felt it…which was sort of like touching someone's aura…and stuff. That was just…it was something that he couldn't feel with anyone else…or whatever. He didn't know. He was just being weird again. He had been so weird lately.
He needed to knock it off already.
"You're no fun." Said Shimazaki. There it was again. That aura giggle thing. Huh. Well now he had a choice to make. Talk to the kid or don't talk to the kid. On the one hand the kid could end up living the rest of his life thinking that he had a shot with Shimazaki and then he would be inevitably crushed when he grew up and nothing happened or had any hope of happening….or maybe this would just fizzle out after the kid got a little older, took a layer or ten of skin off of his dick thinking about Shimazaki, and then moved on. Talking to the kid would involve a lot of hurt feelings and heavy feelings and…yeah, he didn't want to deal with that right now.
So he wouldn't.
"Yes I am! I'm the most fun!" said Sho. How could he say something like that? Sho felt like he had been kicked in the stomach. His stomach was full of angry goldfish and-and-and-
And a bar of soap hit him over the head.
"I'm kidding, kid, you know I'm kidding. You're the most fun kid who ever lived. How's that sound?" asked Shimazaki. Maybe he should have some kind of talk with the kid. Maybe it would be better to talk to him now instead of dealing with him later…but that was going to end up being one of those heavy conversations that he did not want to deal with…but maybe he would have to have it. Maybe that was one of those things that had to be done, like cleaning out his eye sockets, and it wasn't fun but he would have to do it….or something.
"Sounds good. Can you say it again?" asked Sho. Shimazaki did that thing when he looked up at the ceiling, sort of like he was rolling his eyes. Sho sort of felt like…hiding? He didn't know why. There was just something in how he said that and…and Sho hated feeling this way. He hated acting this way. He was acting like big sis did when Hatori had been near. Back before she had broken up with him. All giggly…but without the giggling because he was Suzuki Sho and Suzuki Sho did not giggle. Shimazaki would have thought that he was idiot…or a weirdo…if he just started giggling like a girl did…when she liked someone…
Emmy giggled at him a lot.
He liked…he didn't like Shimazaki. He couldn't like Shimazaki. What would Shimazaki even say if Sho just came out and…and what? Asked to be his boyfriend? Asked to hold hands and kiss and stuff? Asked to exchange gifts on Valentine's Day? Asked to spend all of their time together and…and stuff? What would he even say? He'd be all 'no way what's wrong with you!' and stuff like that. No, even if Sho did like him…not that he liked Shimazaki…then he would never say anything.
Besides, he had a girlfriend now and he wasn't going to just go off and hurt her and stuff.
So, no, he wasn't going to be saying anything…at least he wouldn't have said anything if there had been something to say…but there wasn't. Shimazaki was just his best friend who he liked to hang out with and…and to look at…because he had so many cool tattoos and also….also um….other stuff that was for friends and only friends and….and stuff and….
And he had a lot of really cool tattoos and stuff and that was why Sho was staring at him.
"Suzuki Sho is the coolest, smartest, funnest, most humble human being who has ever lived." Said Shimazaki. Yup. That was it. How had he mistook….well he hadn't known what it was that he was supposed to be looking out for. To talk or not to talk…that was still the question.
"That's better." Said Sho
"Well then most awesome human being to ever live, you wanna poke me in the eyes before I get to cleaning them out?" asked Shimazaki. If they were going to have themselves a nice long talk then he had might as well put the kid in a good mood.
"Um….no thanks." said Sho. He had asked to do this once before just because he had wanted to know what the inside of someone's head felt like. Now he knew. Wet, warm, weirdly gooey almost…and just….not good. Not something that he wanted to repeat. It was a once in a lifetime thing like being born. No repeats.
"You sure? I know you get a kick out of this." said Shimazaki. It felt weird, very weird, and also he didn't much see the point aside from the grossness factor. Kids had always been trying to stick their fingers in his eye sockets when he had been a kid. Some things never changed.
"Um….ok. Maybe a little." Said Sho. He didn't want to, because it wasn't the nice kind of gross, but he didn't want to hurt Shimazaki's feelings or anything like that…and also it wasn't that gross…or stomach turning…or…
"Pancakes are ready and-WHAT THE HELL?!" said Hatori. Nothing good came of anything having to do with Shimazaki. He hated being the new guy. He hated being the one who had to go and get Shimazaki and to end up having to see….Shimazaki about ready to get poked in the eye…..which was just…
He would be describing this to a psychologist in a few years….if he even lived that long.
"Hi Hatori! Hey, Hatori's never done this before. Maybe he should get a turn…you know…because he's never done this before." Said Sho. Whew. Saved by big sis' ex-boyfriend.
"No thanks! I...um…..no thanks!" said Hatori. That was stomach turning and he wanted to go and hide in the bathroom…which was occupied…and now he felt like he was about to…
"He's going to throw up." Said Shimazaki as the sound of Hatori's footsteps could be heard through the apartment. Then the retching. Then Toshi telling him to aim for the sink. Heh. He let his aura wander over. Toshi was sitting at the table…and they were so pissed off. It was…cute was a word that could be applied to Toshi. They were pissed off and…and he wished that he could have been closer. Close enough to feel…to feel them better….to touch their face….to see their smile.
"I hope he's not throwing up on the pancakes. I don't know what big sis ever saw in him." said Sho. He could tell the Shimazaki was watching what was happening with is aura…and Sho looked where he was looking. He had to close his eyes to do this. He closed his eyes and watched…Shibata was rocking Hatori like a baby and big sis…on the floor like she was cleaning and Minegishi was….being watched by Shimazaki.
Fine. Whatever.
"God, you sound like Toshi." Said Shimazaki. There. A flare of his aura when he mentioned Toshi…and yeah, he was an idiot. The kid had it bad and what was worse he was jealous. The jealousy would end up messing him up. Shimazaki knew how poisonous jealousy could be…and not at all in a fun way. Not that he didn't stand by what he did to Hatori at the Christmas party. It might have been the one step too far but that was the fun of it, going that one step too far, you got to see and do some funny shit. No, he stood by what he did and all…but the kid was not him.
And also he did not want the kid to mess with Toshi.
"Yeah. They say a lot of stuff." Said Sho. He didn't want to talk about Minegishi. He would rather have talked about literally anyone else other than Minegishi. What did Shimazaki see in them? They were mean to everyone and boring and also…and also a lot of other things that he would think about later.
"So do you, you know. Did you apologize to Toshi for real?" asked Shimazaki. God, he sounded like a dad or a teacher or some other adult that lorded their powers over kids. Still, though, it was good to teach the kid to apologize sooner rather than later. No sense in making an enemy out of Toshi…and also Toshi's feelings had been really hurt by all of that and he could not just sit there and see their feelings get hurt.
"I…they know that I'm sorry. Big sis told them. I don't know what they're so upset about. I mean I know that I said something wrong but I…don't get it. I didn't call them names and I didn't tell them to go off and die or anything like that. I just said that Fukuda said that their boobs weren't anything to write home about." said Sho
"Well Fukuda was an asshole for saying that and you were a little asshole for repeating it." Said Shimazaki
"Hey! Am not!" said Sho
"You were. There is a time and a place to talk about someone's tits and on a plane in front of everyone, God, and you dad was not the place for it…and also don't ever insult or talk about Toshi's tits. Ok? It's just not right to talk about someone's tits and Toshi has their own stuff going on about their body and shit. Ok? So you should say sorry for real." Said Shimazaki. There. That was one thing done with. There. He knew that he had been cut out for this. He knew what he was doing. He was a god role model or whatever for this kid. Fukuda didn't know what he was talking about.
"Fine….I'll say sorry…because they're important to you…and stuff…" said Sho. He was going to say sorry to their face for real just because Shimazaki said so. He wanted things to be ok between them and he wanted them to always be friends…so he was going to make nice with Minegishi.
"They are….but you're important to me too, ok? We're friends, ok? Best friends and only best friends…ok?" asked Shimazaki. How was he supposed to start this conversation? He was not a tactful guy. He was not the sort of person who thought about what he was going to say before he said it. He never handled people with kid gloves…but now he had a kid and he had to handle this kid with kid gloves. Gloves made for handling kids, not gloves made from kids, because that would be a waste of perfectly good kids. Human children.
"I know that we're friends. I'm not dumb." Said Sho. What was Shimazaki going on about? And why was he just…why were his eyes closed, now? And why was his aura all pulled in? And why was he facing the ceiling? He didn't know but…but he felt like he had done something wrong or…or something.
"I know you're not…most of the time." Said Shimazaki
"Hey! I'm smart all of the time!" said Sho
"Uh-huh, and what about the time with the skunk?" asked Shimazaki
"I only wanted to pet it, you're the one who wanted to pick it up." Said Sho. He could be so dumb sometimes. Sometimes it was like his brain didn't work or something…and also sometimes Sho's brain didn't work either and when both of their brains didn't work then they had their best adventures…and also they got sprayed by skunks.
"Fine, fine, we'll call that one a draw. We both had fun and we both had to take tomato sauce baths. Ok? We were even." Said Shimazaki. That hadn't been fun. Toshi had been so pissed at him for stinking up the house, and Shibata had insisted on making the tomato sauce himself instead of just getting the stuff from the can, but it had all worked out in the end. Things always worked out for him and the kid in the end.
"Exactly." Said Sho crossing his arms. They were even. Even if he had told Shimazaki not to pick that skunk up they were even.
"You know, kid, we have a lot of fun together. We'll always have a lot of fun together. As friends, ok? You can feel however you want about me, I don't care, but we'll always just be friends." Said Shimazaki
"Yeah! Yeah, I know. We'll always just be friends. Best friends! Just….uh….clean out your own eyes! I want pancakes!" said Sho. He got up and ran out of the room as he shouted. He didn't…there was no way that he KNEW! Who…how…when….where….why…..no! He didn't know! He didn't know because there was nothing to know! He did not have…he was not…he was not in love with Shimazaki! He didn't want to kiss him or hold his hand or cuddle with him or…or…or….or…!
He just wanted to help Shimazaki clean his eyes out! That was all!