What Your Visualization in Chemo Says About You
…six days later
Drake sat at his desk, while he aimlessly doodled on a piece of yellow lined paper. He
wasn't in the mood to do any of his schoolwork assignments. They weren't "due" until
next week and a lot of teachers including Mrs. Hafer who had no problems verbally
mentioning that she hated him gave him a "C+" on his last test instead of his usually
"D's" bordering on "F's" with little mean notes written on the bottom that he should
"study harder" and "be more like his brother". Twice today he took out the lavender
envelope from Emme out of his top drawer and twice today he put it back in its still not
opened state. Which seemed to be his ritual since he fished it out of the garbage about
a week ago.
Girls used to be no problem at all for Drake Parker. He would lean against the row of
pale green lockers and could wind up with about five phone numbers in five minutes.
That was a girl a minute. He could go to the Premiere and chat-up any girl that was in
line and all he had to do was to get her a soda with Josh working there and Helen
thinking he was a sweetheart he never had to pay for anything in the place. The movie
theater was like his own personal playground. He would wind up in make out city
without having to spend a dime. Then there was the matter of his gigs, the bread and
butter of available "hot chicks". So, why was Emme Jessica aka "Miss Priss" Watson
so different? Apart from Mrs. Hafer and Josh's girlfriend the Creature Mindy Crenshaw,
she was about the only girl who was rude to him. But she was impolite to everyone.
Yeah, Herbie from the support group was right cancer does change people, but it didn't
give her or anyone else the right to treat people like shit. So, what was Drake supposed
to do now? Open up her squishy card (that obviously contained a note on top of the
card) and it'd be all right? Just like that? It was never all right with her. She never even
gave him a chance. And Drake Parker never had that problem in all of his seventeen
years. Females always loved to gather around him from the time he was in
Kindergarten and all of the girls wanted to sit by him when it was sit in a circle story
time.
"Hey, brother from another mother, what are you doing?" Josh threw his backpack on
the floor. Drake might have wanted to stretch out on the sofa later.
"Hi, Josh," Drake quickly opened up one of his school books, "My homework."
It didn't look like it. Josh really wanted to open up his mouth on this Emme subject, but
he didn't want to argue with Drake over this. He had to make his own decisions.
"I just came home to take a shower, change, and grab a snack before I start work. Do
you need anything?"
"No."
I'm not an invalid.
She was sobbing into her mother's arms.
Her head scarf was becoming undone.
But she hurt me—
How can I forget that?
I never had a problem with girls before until I encountered Emme Jessica Watson.
Drake pushed his books out of the way and put his head on the desk. Not realizing he
had the power all this time.
Emme didn't believe in the visualization literature. This exercise her doctor
recommended was most condescending.
'Try doing visualization exercises, imagining the cancer cells being zapped from your
body.'
That's not what she wanted to imagine not in a million years.
She felt like she was a robot when she went in for her treatments, as soon as Emme
was able she let her mind go. She was in school wearing her blue and white
cheerleading uniform, her long blonde hair was in a bouncy ponytail, and she happily
ran from the clapping and stomping pep-rally in the gymnasium. The sun always shined
in these visions there were only cheery white puffy clouds in the light blue sky that
looked like marshmallow shapes. She ran until she came to a fork in the road. Emme
stood there for a while this was the first time the road was divided and she didn't know
which way to go. Closing her eyes she would let her body, mind, and spirit guide her to
the right path. When she opened them she was elated that the sky was still blue, the sun
was still bright, and he was at the end of the road. He had all of his hair too and they
looked like they could be the class couple.
Too bad he didn't go to her school. It didn't matter in this flowing vision.
"Hi." Emme took his hands.
"Hi." Drake said, smiling.
Then the sun went into the clouds and the sky turned gray. There were thunderclaps,
lightening bolts, and the rain about to come crashing down on them. Drake let go of her
hands. Emme stood back, the wind picked up, and knocked her to the ground as she
aged about forty years and the vultures came flying in to take the hair off her head.
Emme crawled on her hands and knees as Drake had vanished and was nowhere to
be seen.
"But we didn't even get to kiss!"
The pavement split open and she was thrusted inside by an unseen force. By then the
storm had stopped and the pavement was replaced with a grassy field with tiny spring
flowers around the small-unmarked rock where her body lay below.
"NO!"
"Honey, what's wrong?" Mrs. Watson asked the question before the hospital staff could.
She put her caring hands on her daughter's shoulders and kissed her on the cheek.
"only everything."
How can I forgive you?