The week had passed rather quickly for Sonny, he'd been released from the hospital with orders to rest, but in typical style he'd disobeyed them and headed straight to Bobbie's to see Michael. It had been a difficult for Sonny's to explain to his son that he was once again walking away from his Mother, he'd reassured Michael that his love for him would never change, but he saw the doubt behind those young impressionable eyes. After he'd left Michael, Sonny had reluctantly agreed to return to the Penthouse, as he stood in the doorway he knew now why he'd dreaded coming back, the walls were tainted with his betrayal, he recalled those last days before Alexis had walked out of his life, and how here he was with a second chance… Sonny had things to plan for, and with the help of his friends he was headed in the right direction.
Jason arrived the following Monday morning, to go over the details in regards to Sonny's absence. The men had yet to speak of Jason's betrayal, and though the spoke with relative ease, the younger man noticed the barrier between them, he couldn't let Sonny leave without trying to make amends.
"Alexis is handling your decision well." Jason spoke carefully, watching as Sonny packed his duffel bag.
"She's probably glad I'm leaving, so I'm out of her hair." Sonny said as he continued packing.
He was only half kidding, Alexis was still finding it hard to believe he and Carly were through, even though he'd told her, she seemed to think at any moment he would decide he was bored and go back and anytime he tried switching their friendly banter in a more romantic direction she back peddled. She was scared, Alexis wasn't ready to trust in his love and he really couldn't blame her… it only made him more determined to prove to her just how serious he was.
"I doubt it, " Jason replied, leaning his shoulder against the doorway and crossing his arms over his chest, " are you sure this is the right thing to do?"
Sonny paused from what he was doing and looked up, " I wouldn't be doing this, if I wasn't sure."
"I know you wouldn't, I just wanted to be clear that this is something you really want." Jason watched as his friend's expression turned from ease to sorrow.
"You know what I really want Jason… I'd like to wake up five months ago, with Alexis sitting downstairs blushing and me actually looking forward to a future… if it hadn't of been for that damn knock at the door…my decision had been made and then I went and screwed it up!" Sonny shouted, throwing down his shaving bag onto the bed.
"So is that why you're walking away now?" Jason asked, " you can't keep blaming yourself Sonny, everyone knows including Alexis that Carly had a big part in all of this."
Sonny turned suddenly, facing his friend, " I'm not walking away from Alexis or our baby, I'm doing this so we can have a future together."
Jason nodded, and cocked his head, " You really do love her don't you?"
"My personal life isn't up for discussion." Sonny replied, picking up the shaving kit that had fallen to the floor.
"Because you don't trust me anymore."
"This has nothing to do with trust… I'm not saying it doesn't bother me that you kept her secret… but, I understand why you did it, I put you in an bad situation, you've always protected her… I should've never asked."
"I didn't stop and think of the consequences."
"If I'm really honest with myself Jason, I know Alexis and I would still be where we are now… even if Carly hadn't faked her death, there would've been some other kind of stunt… and Alkazar would've found another ally."
"Yeah… but maybe you wouldn't have snapped… maybe Alexis would've felt she could be honest about the baby."
"Lots of maybes… we'll never know what could have happened… all I do know is I'm stronger now because of it."
"Your feelings for Alexis being the reason for all this?"
"My feelings are irrelevant, the aren't the matter at hand." Sonny said, waving a hand in dismissal.
"Aren't they?" Jason asked, raising a brow, "isn't that the reason you lost control, because you were trying so hard to push aside your feelings for Alexis?"
"Pushing Alexis away was for her own good, she deserved more than what I gave her." Sonny grumbled.
"Don't you mean you thought you weren't good enough for her?" Jason asked, " with Carly there were no expectations, with Alexis she has standards and you were afraid you'd let her down."
"And I did, didn't I?" Sonny replied, pointing a finger at him.
"Only because you chose to self-destruct."
"Jason you have no idea what you're talking about."
"Alexis risked everything for you, the night you ordered the hit on AJ didn't she" Jason asked, revealing to Sonny that he knew about that night.
"You weren't here Jason… I almost killed him with my bare hands the night we found them… Alexis and Courtney were the only things that kept me from doing it."
"Tell me what made you call off the hit Sonny, what made you take the risk of being seen weak for backing out on an order?"
Sonny was quiet for a few moments, " Alexis told me she'd be out of my life… not just as my attorney, but as my friend…that… that she'd see me as the rest of the world saw me… a cold blooded killer."
"Powerful words, and she didn't walk away?" Jason said.
"No, she stood there angry and hurt and she begged me to prove to her, she wasn't wrong about me."
"And so you called it off?"
"Yea… Yeah, I stood there trying to figure out why my heart was in my throat, why I cared so damn much if she stayed or went… I mean you know me, I've spent my life pushing people away." Sonny said, looking to him for confirmation.
Jason nodded, "But Alexis was different?"
"I… I just didn't know what I'd do if she turned and walked away, walked out of my life and never came back."
"She was important to you."
"Important?" Sonny shook his head," Alexis… well, she's become the very heart of me, I need her in my life… she makes me a better man…she makes me a better person."
"Sound like I missed a lot while I was away.""You probably wouldn't have noticed, Carly was still a big part of my life, damn Jason why didn't I see through the lies sooner?"
"Probably because you didn't want to believe Carly would use your past as a ploy to get you back, you wanted to trust her and she used your guilt in order to draw you back."
"When they told me she was gone…I went to the church and I prayed so hard for another chance, so I wouldn't make the same mistakes again… what I see now is that he'd already given me that chance…with Alexis and I chose to look the other way."
"It's time to stop living in the past, think of all you have to look forward too."
"I'm having a child with Alexis Davis… she's going to be an amazing mother."
"And your going to be an excellent Father, " Jason added.
I will be," Sonny said zipping up the bag and picking it up off the bed," I haven't been there for Michael, that isn't a good father…I can't afford to lose anymore than I already have."
"You haven't lost anything Sonny."
"I almost lost Alexis."
"She's coming around, she loves you and you love her."
"She doesn't believe me when I tell her how I feel…she thinks I'll ultimately go back to Carly."
"Do you think she could be having second thoughts about ending it with Ned?"
Sonny flinched at the mention of Ned's name, the memory of seeing them that day the cottage invaded his thought, he hadn't even considered Ashton a threat until now."
"Sonny?" Jason noticed his friend eyes darken, he smiled inwardly," I saw him the day you were shot, he came looking for Alexis at the hospital…he's not so quick to give her up."
Sonny crossed the room and picked up the phone, " Max…hey I want you to keep an eye on Ned Ashton, if you see him anywhere near Alexis, I want you to run interference… no bodily injuries necessary… your creative, I know you'll think of something."
Jason broke out in a grin as Sonny hung up, "I would've kept an eye on Alexis for you, since I'm over there so much anymore."
"Right, right… you keep an eye on Alexis, Max keeps and eye on Ned… and Johnny does double duty by watching Alexis and keeps an eye out on Carly."
"You've got it all figured out don't you?"
"It's good to be back, " Sonny grinned, "Is Jake in town yet?"
"He should be here within the hour." Jason said, " What made you think to call him?"
"When Johnny mentioned his brother last week, it got me thinking of the past… he showed me the ropes when we worked for Scully."
"For our sake, I hope he's the same guy you knew back then."
"Jake O'Brien isn't a man to be crossed, he'll do just fine." Sonny said, looking around the room, as they walked downstairs and reached the front door Sonny let Jason walk out first stepping into the doorway, he turned to take one last look, and said a silent good-bye to Penthouse Four.
Alexis poured the milk into her favorite coffee mug and groaned, oh how she missed coffee, in fact at that very moment in time she'd be willing to drink her own, walking out into the dining room, Brenda sat at the table salting her eggs, she looked up and smiled at Alexis and went back to her breakfast.
Alexis felt badly for cutting Brenda off earlier, but her inquires regarding Sonny had gotten to her, she now stood staring down at her cup wondering whether she should sit down, apologize, or do both.
If as knowing what she was thinking Brenda continued to eat, not bothering to look up when she said, "I know how it is to have Sonny walk away Alexis, if you need to talk about it, I'm willing to listen, otherwise consider the subject closed."
A sigh of relief escaped Alexis, that she wasn't even aware she'd been holding, taking a seat across from Brenda she smiled softly," I can see why Jax and Sonny love you so much."
"I share a bond with each of them… we have a history together, but as for Sonny loving me, those days are over." Brenda silences herself with another bite of eggs.
"What about Jax, are those days over as well?"
Brenda was mid bite when Alexis struck the very question she'd been contemplating since her return, resting her fork on the plate, she folder her hands neatly in front of her," So, you get to ask questions, but I don't?" noticing Alexis tense at her statement, she quickly reassured her, "I was only kidding."
"I was always telling Sonny he could express himself better, looks like I need to take some of my own advice."
"That's who you are Alexis, I'm not going to judge you for being private regarding your feelings for Sonny… he's special, few get to see that side of him… in general people take him for the outward appearance he puts on, the see him as having no emotional value what so ever… but those of us that have had the rare ability to get past the façade… well, we see what he truly is, someone who loves so fiercely, holds on so tight, because he's afraid he's going to lose it."
Alexis brushed back a tear, Sonny had told her once he'd lied to the woman he'd loved once and he'd lost her, she knew now who he'd meant, " How did you cope with Sonny walking away from you?"
"Not very well… I felt manipulated, used, betrayed, angry, sad… even hatred… but most of all I felt lost, I couldn't cope with his reasons for leaving me… the fact was he left me alone and I couldn't get past it for along time."
Nodding, Alexis cast her eyes down to her mug and then drew them slowly back to Brenda, biting her bottom lip in hesitation, she finally felt the need to talk and she was sure Brenda was the only one who could truly understand, "One thing you need to know… I never went looking for this… as a matter of fact the first time Sonny Corinthos approached me I found myself both fascinated at his audacity and repulsed by his egotism, his smug cocky attitude rubbed the feminist in me the wrong way."
Brenda grinned, "Classic Corinthos charm, I assume he flashed his dimples?"
Rolling her eyes, Alexis waved her mug around, " do you even have to ask?"
"So… you became Sonny's attorney, when did it become more?"
"Our friendship grew gradually… we still had major trust issues, neither one of us liked talking about ourselves or our feelings… I think that's when I knew he understood me, and it happened around the time I was planning to marry Ned."
"I still can't believe that's the same Ned I know and love…" Brenda said shaking her head, " did you ever love Ned?"
"The Ned I knew then, oh yes I did love him… but I couldn't live the rest of my life being controlled and he just couldn't resist trying to run my life, he hated the idea that I worked for Sonny and then he resented it more when he and I became friends… it was after I moved in across the hall that I began turning to Sonny more, much to Carly and Ned's chagrin… But… Sonny, never once judged me Brenda, he just listened, he didn't try to fix it, he was just there," Alexis said, recalling better times, "not to say he didn't try to manipulate me, sometimes I let him… sometimes I didn't"
"So Sonny saw you as his equal, which is amazing considering you're a woman."
"Tell me about it, here he was married to Carly, unable to respect her… she mentioned that to me once."
"Carly saw a threat, something she couldn't compete with or control, she had Sonny sexually, but she never really had him emotionally."
"Are you channeling Dr. Phil?" Alexis teased.
"No, just lots of experience when it comes to dealing with Sonny… I mean you've seen a side of him I haven't, he opened up to you in ways he never shared with me, that's got to tell you something."
"I've always kept my feelings for Sonny to myself, because I'm scared… but it's more than just that… loving Sonny to define what we were…what we are to each other seems like I'm sharing something to private, to precious… it almost feels like a sin."
"It's a gift Alexis, a rare gift… Sonny doesn't let many people into his life, that would be allowing someone to hurt him, and I will always consider my time with him as a beautiful treasure, something to hold close to my heart, and only to share that experience with those that truly understand."
"I'm glad it was you, Brenda."
"Sorry, I'm not following?"
"I'm glad you were the one that taught Sonny to love, I'm glad he loved you."
Brenda smiled, "And I'm glad he loves you, he's a better man because of it."
"Do I get a say in this?"
Brenda and Alexis jumped at the voice of Sonny, who stood grinning behind
them.