Fukuda had played his share of pretend over the years.

When he had taken an old refrigerator box and pretended that it was his cave and he lived on the moon all alone. He had been pretty alone back then. He had thought that he had been the only one in the world…and then he had gotten a little older and then a whole new game of pretend had started. Pretend that Suzuki is normal. Pretend that Suzuki likes you. Pretend that you're actually friends. Pretend that everything is fine. Pretend that Claw is just a game he won't let go of. Pretend that you're still friends. Pretend that you're loyal. Pretend that you aren't in love with his wife. Pretend that you don't have fantasies every single day of taking his son and running away…..

Pretend that there's even somewhere that you can run to.

Pretend, pretend, pretend, and pretend again. It felt, sometimes, like there was no end to playing pretend. That there was nothing real in his life. That this isn't his life. That he's going to close his eyes, fall asleep, and then wake up in his bed and it'll be 1986 and he'll have never met Suzuki Touichirou…or something like that. That he was someone else. That he was someone better. That he was someone that he could like. That he was someone other than himself. That he was someone who could be with the woman he loved. That the other side of his bed was warm, that she was there, and he could just roll over and…and hold her….like he had been able to in those wonderful days when she had been hiding with him….when she had been his….

She had never been his.

They had never been….they could never be what he wanted them to be. He was forty four years old staring up at the void in a strange room in a strange house in a suburb of Seoul and she was…wherever she was. Japan, maybe, or maybe somewhere else. Maybe from wherever her people had come from. She was half Japanese, the same as Suzuki, but he had no idea where her other half had come from. He had no idea where she was even from. She was…so much of her life was a mystery to him…and he wished that he had asked her, before, because then he would have had some idea of where she had gone to….where she could have gone to….

Which was probably why she had never volunteered the information.

She had gone to Sapporo. That was the last he had heard from her. She had chosen to go to Sapporo…and he had no idea why. Maybe that was where she was from. He didn't know. He wished that he had asked. He wished that she had told him. He wished…he wished that he had something that he could tell Sho about his mother. He deserved to know about his mother. Fukuda…Fukuda had told him about his father, about his grandparents, about Seasoning City…and he had nothing to tell him about Masami. Sho…he was owed some part of that history….and Fukuda….he wasn't going to pretend that he had anything to give Sho…

He didn't.

Well he had…he had the truth but even staring up at the void at midnight, Seoul time, he didn't think that telling Sho the truth would be a good idea. Shaking him awake and telling him that his mother had run away from his father because she hadn't had a choice. Tell him that his father had been a terrible husband to her and had beaten her down, emotionally, until she was almost nothing. How the person who had been caring for him since he had been a toddler had been the one to help his mother escape. That Fukuda loved Masami more than anything else in the world and that he would always care for her…that not a day went by when he didn't wish that Sho had been his son….Sho didn't need to know that. Not at the age of ten. Not when he already had enough that he was going through. No….Sho did not need that information…

Later, not now.

Fukuda was not going to pretend that he was never going to tell Sho…because he was. When he was older enough to deal with that information. When he was better from all that he had been going through. When Suzuki was dead, cremated, and interred in the Suzuki family grave marker. When Shigeko ruled the world through smiles and love and Disney songs. When Sho had his own family and someone he cared about….when he was old enough to deal with it all…if he was ever going to be able to deal with it all….

Fukuda just didn't know.

He rolled over onto his side. He could feel Sho's aura. It flared. It flared and…and he could hear tossing and turning. That happened sometimes. Sho….he had terrible nightmares sometimes. They'd had enough sleepover for Fukuda to know that Sho…that Sho needed someone when he had nightmares like this. When he got like this. Sho needed someone and Fukuda wasn't going to pretend that Sho had anyone else in his life that could be there for him…and Fukuda was not going to pretend that he didn't know that Sho needed him….

Fukuda got up.

He rolled off of the bed and got up. He pulled his shirt down where it had ridden up and stood. Maybe too quickly. He saw spots in his vision. Heh. Maybe he was starting to get old, too. Maybe he was going to start throwing his back out, soon, and maybe he would start squinting too whenever he tried to read his phone. Maybe he was starting to look his age, finally, and maybe….he crossed the room. No time for maybes. No time for speculations. No time for anything other than getting up and seeing what Sho needed. Nothing else but being there for Sho.

He would always be there for Sho.

The hallway was short, dark, and cold. The winter season was in it's last gasps. March was in it's last throws. It would be April soon. April and then May and then he would have to staple a smile to his soul and wish Shigeko a happy birthday and deal with…whatever it was that she was planning on dragging Sho around for on her birthday. He had used to love her birthdays. She had been such a sweet little girl. She had always been so happy to see him, happy to share the day with her, and there had been nothing else to it. Suzuki hadn't gotten to her yet. Suzuki hadn't been there slowly molding her into the child that he had always wanted. A perfect reflection of himself.

A near perfect reflection.

She wasn't exactly like her father. She drank and smoked and did a million and one other things that a girl her age should not have been doing…things that he should have stopped her from doing. He had promised Masami that he would look after her children…but what was he supposed to do with someone who had power over him? Shigeko had power over him and he could not begin to tell her what to do. She was living like anyone would have without any real rules. Drinking, drugs, men….all of the vices Suzuki would have had if not for the fact that he was a very strange man…well not men, obviously, and he had done his fair share of womanizing…so maybe she was more like her father than he realized….and maybe this was more his fault than he realized. He didn't know. His mind went to the strangest places at night, when he walked through the darkness, when he walked through the void.

It was dark.

He stepped on something round. One of Sho's colored pencils. He maybe should have turned on the light. That may have been the thing to have done considering the fact that he couldn't really see in the void that was this hallway. He stepped on a piece of paper. It got stuck to his foot. He hoped that he hadn't ruined anything important…and he so wished that Sho would have cleaned up after himself…but he was not going to get on Sho's back about that. He had enough of that in his life. He had his father breathing down his neck all the time. He had his sister bossing him around the time pretending that she was his mother. Running his baths and checking his hair to make sure that he had actually bathed, portioning out his toothpaste for him, forcing him to eat food that he hated even though even she must have known that eating one vegetable a week wouldn't do anything, laying out his pajamas and his day clothes, not letting him have liquids after eight p.m. and the rest of it…

Fukuda almost tripped over Sho's pencil box.

He fell through the void and braced himself against the wall. He could feel his toenail growing back quickly. He had ripped it off….no matter, no matter, he could heal. He wasn't going to wake Sho up and breathe down his neck about leaving his things out where people could trip and die. No, he was just going to walk more carefully through the void. That was all. He made his way more carefully through the void until he made it to Sho's door.

He felt Sho's aura flaring again.

He shuddered as it hit him. That was never pleasant. For a moment the color, the pain, and the fear…for a moment he smells blood. He smells the heavy copper smell of blood. He feels the sun on his face. His hands sting as he digs through splintered wood and…and he's fine. He's fine. Sho isn't his father and he isn't losing control. He's just having a bad dream, that's all, and Fukuda has been there for his bad dreams before. He had these frequently…and now he had someone to help him through this. Whatever was happening in his mind. Whatever he was feeling. Whatever was making him toss and turn. Whatever was making his aura flare….

"Mother fucker!"

And whatever was making him cure like a sailor on shore leave. Fukuda sighed as he opened the door. He had no clue what he was supposed to do about the cursing besides just telling Sho to stop with all of this. Fukuda knew that he could reprimand Sho until he was blue in the face but Sho would never listen. He was given carte blanch by the thirty year old blind man he was in love with to curse a blue streak so of course he would….Fukuda shook his head. Sho needed him. He would address the never ending stream of profanity later.

Right now he had to see what was wrong.

"Sho? Can I come in?" asked Fukuda with a knock. He wasn't going to let himself in. No, then Sho would have thought, still thought, that it was ok to just let himself into people's bedrooms. He didn't need another Valentine's Day on his hands….and also all those times that Sho had almost walked in on things which he did not ever need to walk in on. Sho was getting older now, too, and he deserved his privacy. It wasn't like when he had been a toddler running around like a little jay bird…

God, where had the time gone?

"No….yes….I don't know!" said Sho. Well there had been a 'yes' in there and that was good enough for him. He opened the door and stepped from one void into another. He had to be careful as he stepped across the floor. If the hallway was bad then this room would be worse. Every single step he took he either wound up with a piece of paper under his foot or a drawing implement. Still, though, he followed Sho's aura like a lighthouse at sea until he made his way to the bed.

"Don't sit down!" said Sho. Fukuda rested his hand on the bed…and then immediately pulled it back. Wet. The whole bed was wet…and for a minute he thinks that Sho took that whole two liter to bed with him and it broke open…but then he remembered that Sho downed that whole two liter that night before bed….and Fukuda had thought that it would have been alright because it had been caffeine free….

Also because that had been one of Shigeko's rules.

Suzuki made up rules sometimes just to amuse himself. Just to prove to himself that he was still the boss and he could still do anything. He had assumed that Shigeko had been the same way…that she had been lording her power over her brother because, well, she was a ten year old girl with unchecked power. It had just seemed like such a stupid rule. No liquids after eight p.m….Sho wasn't a baby. Sho was ten and he should have been able to drink liquids whenever he wanted to….

Well obviously not since he, apparently, still wet the bed from time to time.

"Sho…..you wet the bed." Said Fukuda for lack of anything. Yup. He could feel it and he could smell it. Yup. Sho was a ten year old boy who still wet the bed….alright then.

"Shut your fucking mouth! I did not!" said Sho. Fukuda sighed and pulled his hand up off the bed. These mattresses all had protectors, thank God, and there was a washer and dryer in the house….and now he would have to be up all night doing laundry….and he had a full day tomorrow….a full day he had to get up bright and early for….and he couldn't believe that Sho had wet the bed…

Was he sick?

Fukuda gave him a once over with his powers. Sho was the picture of health. No concussions, contusions, or abrasions…or other underlying medical conditions that could make a boy his age wet the bed like a toddler. This was…not normal. Well Fukuda assumed that this was not normal. He had been done wetting the bed by the time he had been five and Suzuki, if asked, would probably still swear up and down that he had never wet the bed in his life. Sho was too old for this…and this should not have been. This was not normal. This was…

This was a common enough occurrence that Shigeko had restricted Sho's access to liquids after eight.

"Language." Said Fukuda automatically. There was something hilarious in this, a ten year old boy cursing him out after having wet the bed, but he was not going to laugh. He wasn't even going to chuckle. This was humiliating for Sho, he didn't have to feel his aura to know, and he needed to be there for him. What usually happened when he wet the bed? Did anyone even notice or care? Suzuki….this was not something that he would have dealt with and Shigeko….well this would have given her the perfect opportunity to pretend to be the little mother….and Sho didn't need that. He needed someone who would take care of him without judgement and that was what Fukuda was there for.

"Fuck you…..you fucking….person." said Sho softly. He had drawn his knees up to his chest. Fukuda's eyes had adjusted to the darkness of the void. Sho was sitting with his knees drawn up to his chest and his aura pulled inwards defensively. Fukuda was about to reach over and pat him on the back before he remembered where his hand had just been.

"Sho…ok, just this once you can curse me out. How's that sound?" asked Fukuda. He needed to get Sho in a better mood first and foremost. Then he would….well wash the bedding and get Sho changed…bathe him, too? No, wait, he did that by himself now….right? He had that same hydrophobia the Awakened had…because he was one of the Awakened…and Fukuda hadn't been checking his hair after he got out of the tub. That had just felt needlessly controlling. Sho…Fukuda wasn't sure if Sho had been bathing, even. His hair had been sticking up more but…he was ten. It wasn't like he would stink if he went a few days or weeks without a bath….

Well now he would.

He was going to have to run Sho a bath at midnight….and that was fine. He had always wished that Sho had been his son and…and this was a very parental thing to do. He wasn't going to give Sho a bath obviously, even Shigeko didn't go that far, but he was going to encourage Sho to get in that tub and bathe before he spent the rest of this trip stinking of urine….and he so hated bossing Sho around like that, like his sister would have, but this was for his own good.

"Pretty fucking awesome….and I didn't wet the fucking bed….and fuck you for thinking that I wet the bed….you fucker…." Said Sho. Fukuda shook his head. Sho was usually more creative than that…not that he was going to sit there and critique Sho's cursing. No, no, he had enough problems to deal with as it was.

"OK, you didn't wet the bed. Someone else climbed in through your window and wet your bed for you. Ok, that's fine. I don't care who wet this bed, I really don't, I just care about getting you out of it. Ok?" asked Fukuda

"….yeah…..ok." said Sho

"Good. Now come on, I'll wash all of this and then you can take a bath and then…and then you can sleep with me. You know. In case they come back and finish the job." Said Fukuda. He laughed at the end of that…but that laugh did not put Sho in good spirits. His aura was still miserable and he still had his knees drawn up to his chest and he was still sitting in that soaking wet bed….and Fukuda had no clue what he was even supposed to do….

"Um….I can sleep here…..in case it was me who did this but….but I don't remember….so maybe I should just sleep here." Said Sho. Fukuda was proud of him for being honest but he wasn't so proud that he was going to let him be impractical like that. This bedding would take forty five minutes on the wash cycle and then an hour on the dry….and he did not need Sho to be up for that long. There was other bedding around her somewhere….maybe….or maybe not. He didn't know. The bed had been made when they got there and the Claw houses he stayed in…he had never had to look for extra bedding. He just washed what was on the bed. He had no idea where the extra bedding would even have been. Masami would have known. She would have known where the extra bedding was and she would have known how to calm Sho down and she would had had this bed stripped and in the wash instead of standing there like an idiot.

God, he missed Masami so much.

"Sho, no. I'm not keeping you up all night. Besides, if this was you then, judging by how soaked this mattress is, I don't think that this is going to happen again…and it was my fault for letting you drink a whole two liter before bed. I should have just poured you out a glass or something." Said Fukuda. No liquids after eight was a stupid rule but…but maybe he had gone too far in the other direction. Maybe he had been all too happy to rebel against the reign of a ten year old. He didn't know. All he knew was there Sho had wet the bed and now he was the man who would have to deal with this. He would have to channel his inner Masami and deal with this.

And he would do just fine.

Because he knew Sho. He knew Sho better than his own father knew him and he knew how to lift his spirits. Yes, ok, he was humiliated and all but it wasn't like Fukuda was going to tease him or anything. This was not a big deal. Sho was a kid and this was what kids sometimes did. This was not a big deal, in fact it was a little deal, such a little deal that Masami would have shaken her head and said something like 'Fukuda, you idiot' and laughed and smiled….and he had this. He had the hell out of this.

Language.

"No…it's my fault. I shouldn't have broken the rule….even though it really fucking sucks….and I shouldn't have had that dream….because I am such a baby sometimes….I'm an even bigger baby than baby sis…." Said Sho

"Everyone has bad dreams, Sho, they're nothing to be ashamed of. They don't make you a baby. I'm forty four, you know, and I still have bad dreams you know." Said Fukuda

"What….what do you dream about?" asked Sho. Fukuda needed to think up a lie. He dreamt about waking up and Suzuki had taken over the world. He dreamt about waking up and being surrounded by blood. He dreamt about waking up back at his old apartment and Masami was still with Suzuki. He dreamt about waking up and Sho was dead….Sho did not need to hear any of that.

"I dream that I'm a kid in school again and there's this big test that I forgot to study for….and it's for a class I forgot that I was taking….and I show up naked and everyone laughs at me." Said Fukuda going with that old cliché. It was better for Sho, that way, even though he was loathe to lie to him.

"That sounds pretty bad…but it's not as bad as what I dream about." Said Sho

"What…what do you dream about?" asked Fukuda bracing himself for the worst. He had been through the Awakening process. That would be enough to give anyone nightmares.

"Sometimes….before I was dreaming about when I was in the Awakening machine and…and the part with the water….the part where they fill it up with water and you can't breathe…that's what I was dreaming about before…and also sometimes I dream that I wake up and dad took big sis with him and left me all alone…and sometimes I wake up and I dream that big sis is gone…and sometimes I wake up and there's this stranger in my room and everyone says that she's my sister but she's not because I've never even seen her before and I want to leave my bed but I can't and my mom is holding her and all I can think is 'who the fuck are you and why are you touching my mom' and…and I know that it's big sis but I don't know her…and sometimes I dream about other stuff, too. People…a person….finding out something about me…and then never wanting to talk to me again. That's what I dream about." Said Sho. Fukuda wiped his hand off on the dry part of Sho's blanket and then patted him on the back. He knew that this was not wise or sanitary but he also knew that Sho needed him.

"Those are enough to make anyone wet the bed, Sho, and if you did then nobody would hold it against you. I would never hold it against you. Now come on, let's get you cleaned up and we can forget that this ever happened. I won't tell anyone either. That's a promise." Said Fukuda

"Even if you get tortured you won't tell anyone?" asked Sho

"Even if I get tortured." Said Fukuda

"Even if they put you in a Saw room and it's either you tell them what happened or you have to take your own organs out and put them in jars?" asked Sho

"….no…and I don't want you watching any more of those movies…" said Fukuda. At some point he would have to figure out those parental control things…because THAT was the sort of thing that would make even him, a middle aged man, wet the bed….

"Even if they lock you up in a room for fifteen years and then they trick you into doing gross adult bed stuff with your own daughter and then when you figure it out you cut off your own tongue?" asked Sho

"What the….even if that happens…and I don't have a daughter but…Sho, is that a movie or…or what?" asked Fukuda

"It's a movie." Said Sho

"Just…don't watch that movie anymore…and if someone tries to do any movie style torture then…then I'll still keep my mouth shut." Said Fukuda. He wondered if any of this was having a detrimental effect on Sho…and he wondered what he could do about it…besides standing over his shoulder for the rest of his life making sure that he never saw…any of that…ever again.

"Ok….but what if they try to chop off your finger?" asked Sho. He held his pinky finger up to the pale light that streamed in through the blinds. Fukuda shook his head.

"Even if they try to chop off my finger…and no more yakuza movies for you…" said Fukuda

"No, that's not from a movie. That happened to Shimazaki's friend when he was a kid. They chopped off his little finger and then he said that he wanted the other one done so it was even and now they call him eight fingers…well they did until he became seven fingers but that wasn't a punishment, a lady bit his finger off because he was doing gross adult bed stuff with someone else." Said Sho. Fukuda tallied up his evil thoughts towards that man and did not let them show on his face or his aura. At least Sho felt better now…so….yay? But still. In what universe was it appropriate to tell yakuza stories to a ten year old?

"Let me guess….that friend was Shimazaki?" asked Fukuda. He wondered what Shimazaki was even playing at when it came to Sho. Well he had an idea…and he hoped to God that he was wrong. Fukuda knew what he was playing at when it came to Shigeko. Befriend her, make her think that drinking drugs and whatever else they got up together was normal, and then when she came into whatever adult power Suzuki was planning on giving her she'd have her good friend at her side and in her bed….and Fukuda was going to figure out a way to trap and kill that man if he ever even THOUGHT about doing any of that with Sho….

"No, that wouldn't make sense. They were both boys." Said Sho. Fukuda was not going to correct him or open up that discussion. Not now. Not for a while. Right now he needed to focus on his immediate problems and stop with his fantasies of murdering Shimazaki Ryou.

"Right. Well, anyway, come on. You go shower off and then…we can watch a movie while the bedding gets washed if you don't want to sleep next to me. Not a violent one." said Fukuda

"Can we watch Zootopia in Japanese?" asked Sho

"Yes, that's fine." Said Fukuda even though he had seen that movie a thousand times before. Anthropomorphized animals as a metaphor for racism and interracial relationships was much better than whatever horror movie Sho had on his mind…and if Shigeko felt like playing the part of the little mother then maybe she should have been working harder to keep her little brother from being exposed to all of that.

"Ok…and is it fine if maybe I get tired and then fall asleep next to you? I mean I'm not a baby, I can sleep on my own, and even baby sis has her own crib in her own room….but I might get tired and fall asleep. So if that happens maybe don't wake me up." Said Sho. Fukuda smiled and almost patted him on the head before he stopped himself. It would be hard enough for Sho to rinse off without having to get his hair wet…and also Fukuda was washing his hands after all of this.

"That's fine. Now come on. I'll get this going and you go rinse off…with soap in the shower. Ok? Then we'll watch Zootopia until your bedding is done and if you fall asleep then, hey, it's fine." Said Fukuda. There. Masami would have been so proud of him. He was handling this better than Sho's own father would have. Suzuki…he was equal parts as likely to ignore or beat Sho over this…so thank God this hadn't happened where he could have noticed….

Thank God for that.

"Ok…and remember! You promised never to tell anyone!" said Sho before he jumped out of bed and ran out the door. He stripped his clothes off as he ran. Fukuda heard him curse, slide into a wall, and then get back to running before the bathroom door slammed shut. Fukuda sighed and turned on the bedside lamp.

Yup. That was a lake.

Hoe could one little person possibly have room inside of them for that much liquid? Fukuda didn't know. All he knew was that he had to get this bed stripped and washed and then he had to be up for the next two hours doing laundry…and then for the rest of the night too because Sho was going to fall asleep in his bed and he kicked in his sleep like he was practicing for the world cup. No matter, no matter. He had spent years wishing and hoping and pretending that Sho was his Son…and this was just a part of that. A part of being someone's father. Something that Sho's own father would never have done for him. No, Suzuki would have either beaten Sho up or pretended that he'd never had a son…but Fukuda could at least help Sho pretend that he had a father.