Title: The Exclamation Point Without The Dash
Author(ess): Hikaru Seiya
Rating: PG (I mean, who writes G stories anymore?)
Summary: Women, Erik decided, are mad. Oneshot, established EC, generally crackish, but amusing.
Disclaimer: The usual. Belongs to people richer than poor little I, blah, blah, blah.
A/N: Don't be alarmed by the title. It all makes sense in the end. Anyway, this is movieverse, as opposed to bookverse, since Lily won't let me borrow the book again because she's only read it once...and, admittedly, I spent about a week on it as opposed to my usual day and a half...but I'm shutting up now. Aaaanyway, the important stuff. This is slightly AU, as in, the Opera didn't burn down and a couple other things that will be revealed (I don't want to spoil it for you). Happy readings!
Women, Erik decided, are mad. He is nothing compared to them—to be honest, he has his mood swings, and every person knows the rule about touching his mask, but women arefar crazier than he. In fact, the Phantom would even go so far to say that women are probably the ones who give their children madness. Men just receive it—women pass it on, and seem to have it by default.
Now that he thinks about it, though, there seems to be a pattern. In the eleven months he has lived with Christine—and been married to her, wonder of wonders!—there always is a span of five to eight days in which she acts...strange...every month. It could all be in his mind, of course, but that is highly unlikely, according to the female subject in question. She says that since she has been with him, he has "calmed down," quote, unquote. The Opera Ghost, however, prefers to think that she just sucked the madness out of him into her, so when she has her fits, it is all the more miserable for he.
And oh, the fits! Those weeks of agony, and torture, of crying and shouting, (Only she shouts, of course. He would never, ever in his life raise his voice to her now!) when nothing appeases her and everything frustrates her! One minute, she is splayed in the bed, weeping so piteously that it is all he can to not to cry along with her, and the next, she is angry with him for writing too loudly, or singing to low, or some other trivial matter. It drives him to the edge of sanity, and only love keeps him from going over. When he teeters at the edge of the precipice of anger, he excuses himself to tend to some matter in the Opera house, claiming that Madame Giry is calling him, or that the managers are forgetting about him and that he must remedy the situation. By the time he returns, she is usually manageable, but it is still more stress than he can handle. Yes, those fits are a sight to see...
He can remember a certain incident, not two months ago, when Christine was in the throes of tears and he was trying to comfort her. He recalled clearly how messy she was,sprawled in their bed, hair tangled, clothes twisted about her in an uncharacteristic look. Usually she wasimpeccably cleanand put-together, like him, but that thought is to be preserved for another day. He had finally worked up the courage to ask the weeping woman what the matter was. The answer was something Erik was sure he would never forget--her words seemed branded into his mind.
"Matter?" she had shrieked. "WHAT IS THE MATTER? Erik, it's the end of the sentence! The period, the exclamation point without the dash, whatever you call it, it is the end! I hate it. Every woman hates it! But what can we do about it? NOTHING! We must suffer you fools, day in and day out, and then we must suffer more by bearing your children and, when not pregnant, we must suffer this indignity! Just go, Erik. I have no time for a man's woes. I have enough of my own!" And she threw herself facedown into the pillows, crying a little too loudly to be fullynatural. And from that day on, poor, abused Erik never asked what the matter was. He had learned his lesson—when the fits of madness come, smile nicely and run far, far away.
A/N: Mwahaha...oh, did I forget to mention the Erik abuse? Oh, well, he'll live -wink- I can assure you, Christine makes it up to him in the time between. I just thought this was an amusing little thing not often covered by other phics. Well, nothing else productive to say, (since I don't beg for reviews)so au revoir!