Sweet Bird Of Paradox
…the next available Saturday
It was twelve in the morning when Emme walked into her mother's room carrying a
light brown J.P. Tod's shoebox. There used to be a time when they would be sitting up
in bed watching The Late Show with David Letterman on her plasma screen over a
bowl of popcorn and one of the few times her mother allowed her to have a soft drink.
Now the TV was off and Emme even questioned in her mind why was it gathering
dust? Mrs. Simpson came in three times a week to clean. The drawer on the end table
was slightly open. It's not like it was a big government secret on what was inside. It
used to be one glass of the light and sweet Laurent Perrier Ultra Brut, which was
almost one hundred and twenty-five dollars a bottle, now it was the cheap kind with the
screw off cap. Emme Jessica Watson was fully aware of her mother's little secret.
How that timeline coincided with her very own cancer one. Mrs. Watson slept in a
Californian (natch) King sized bed. The only pictures on the end table were of her and
her mother a few years ago when her junior high class went to Six Flags Magic
Mountain in Los Angeles because they were also taking the Paramount Studio tour.
They sat on a park bench eating that frozen dried ice cream in the tiny cups. The other
picture was her brother Craig's high school graduation picture. Although the windows
were in another part of the room over the archway Mrs. Watson still wore a silk white
sleeping mask. The sun never shone near her bed. It always came to a standstill to
where the archway began.
Emme didn't shake her awake. She just walked closer to her.
"Mommy."
It took to the third 'Mommy' for Mrs. Watson to push the mask up.
"W-hat is it?" Her head felt like it was going to fall off, but she couldn't let her daughter
know that.
"May I sleep with you?"
"Of course. What's in the box?" Mrs. Watson could see from the glow of the digital
clock.
Emme put the light on the lowest setting. She knew the brightness would only make
her mother's head feel worse.
"I'm afraid of going out with Drake tonight."
"You are NOT going to cancel on him."
"I know, Mom. I need your help."
"I'm sorry that I yelled at you, Baby. What's in the box?"
"Make up. I know it's late and you want to sleep, but would you help me, please? I
really want to look pretty." She would have died on the spot if Drake was here right
now and saw her fuzzy bald head.
"You are pretty, Emme Jessica—but let's see what you have in there." Mrs. Watson
made the light brighter. Her daughter had cancer so she figured she could over look
her self-inflicted headache.
"This blush is too cotton candy pink. My skin is too pale now…"
"You just need a deeper hue. Stay here." Mrs. Watson slowly got out of her bed to go
the master bathroom with the lapis blue tiling to get silver and black cosmetics train
case.
"I don't want to look overly made up." She said when her mother came back.
"You won't. Now I need you to sit on the bed with your legs on the floor. Let's see—how
about this plum shade?"
"It's dark!"
"Only in the compact," Mrs. Watson applied it to the back of her hand with her sable
blush brush, "See?"
"We can try it on one cheek and compare another color."
"Sunset peach?"
"I tried that once. I don't like it. Drake is going to find me repulsive."
"He does not nor will he find you to be such. How about some tinted moisturizer? This
is 'golden aura'—I think you'll like the 'sunset peach' over it."
"Let's try it. I have no lashes…." Emme panicked as she was looking in the mirror of
one of her mother's Chanel pressed powder compact mirrors.
"Don't cry. I know for a fact that you can wear this mascara." It was unopened and for
extra sensitive eyes. Mrs. Watson opened the package. Her daughter reminded her of
herself when she was sixteen. She had to preview what she looked like hours before
the actual date and the cancer wasn't helping her daughter's self-esteem any.
"No eyeliner. I don't want to look like those---."
Emme couldn't finish the thought. Drake was obviously attracted to those wear more
make up, and less clothes girls or he never would have gone out with them in the first
place.
"You are going to knock his socks off. There. Now look in the mirror."
She had to admit she did like those lashes and the side of her face with the tinted
moisturizer was dewy and fresh with the sunset peach blush.
"I like this shade."
"Now all you'll need is a little brow pencil and a little bit of subtle neutral shimmer for
your lids and I promise Drake won't be able to take his eyes off you."
"Can I wear your Chanel #5?" It wasn't alcohol free, but she didn't care, she wanted to
feel normal and pretty for one night.
"Yes. I'll even give you the little purse spray to take with you."
They walked to vanity area, as Mrs. Watson wanted her daughter to see her self in the
full-length mirror that was by her make up table.
"Thanks, Mom."
"You're welcome, dear. Now, I'll put everything I used in a little cosmetic bag for you
while you go in my bathroom and wash everything off your face. You don't want to
wake up with clogged pores." She gave her daughter a big hug and kiss. The
progress she was making over opening up her heart to the boy who stuck through her
attitude was amazing. After she put the cosmetics for Emme's date look in a pink
plastic GWP Clinique bag she closed the train case and put it under the bed for now.
Mrs. Watson put the bag on the top of the table while her hand was on the door. She
needed a drink before she could go to sleep.
"I'm done, Mom. I used your coconut milk cleanser is that okay?"
"Of course it is." Her hand was still on the door she quickly removed it hoping that her
daughter didn't know.
"Can I still sleep with you?"
"Get in the covers." Simple but luxurious high thread counts white sheets and the big
dark blue comforter that Emme liked to nestle in.
"Thanks, Mommy." Neither of them wanted to sleep alone.
"Did you use any moisturizer?"
"A little bit of the La Prairie." That one small jar cost over three hundred dollars.
Mrs. Watson kept the lights on a low dimmer, just incase her daughter needed to
make an emergency sprint to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
"Good night, Sweetie."
"Good night, Mom, I love you."
Which was code for "I love you, please stop drinking."
"I love you too. Now get some sleep, you have a big date tonight."
Which was code for "I love you, but once you are asleep I am taking that drink."
Emme slept on the side facing her mother and wondered what was Drake doing at
that moment?
Josh should have been happy. He really should have been thrilled, but all he could think
about was the studying he had to do for his big history exam on Monday and was quite
angry at Drake who thought at midnight to play his acoustic guitar while sitting on the
sofa in their room.
"Ahem!" Josh cleared his throat as he banged the pillows with his fist.
But Drake didn't hear him. He was lost in his chords. There were no words, but there
was a melody building inside of him. It was the first real song he attempted to write
since his diagnosis.
"Drake, do you need to have that lamp on?" Josh rubbed his eyes as he sat up in his
bed
Again there was no answer, just chords that sounded like soft surf washing against the
sand, which Josh would have liked if it weren't frigging midnight and he had a study
date with Mindy at the Borders in Mission Valley not to mention that not only did he
have to pick up and drop off Emme and Drake at the Premiere he had to work the
night shift too.
Sometimes his brother could be so inconsiderate, but the melody was beautiful and at
least he was playing his acoustic and not the electric.
"I know I'm bothering you, Josh. I'll be going to bed in ten minutes, so relax okay?"
"You're not bothering me, Drake. Goodnight, brother."
One thing about Josh was that he was a terrible liar. Drake knew it was after midnight,
but when you feel inspired it's best to get your thoughts down. You wouldn't want to
lose a melody especially one that wasn't so plain. Besides you think his brother would
have been happy that he actually picked up his guitar to work on a song, but whatever,
he had other more happier things on his mind.
"Night, Josh."
I have a date with Emme in 20 hours
And I feel fine.
The DateDrake felt the only reason why Audrey didn't raise a stink over him over going out at
night on a date was because not only of Mr. Boy Scout Josh driving them to the
Premiere, but he also was working there tonight. Of course his mother did warn him
that they shouldn't eat any pizza, eat buttered popcorn, or drink anything that was
loaded with sugar.
Walter just told him before leaving for work to "have a good time."
Josh was pestering him by knocking on the bathroom door that they had to get a move
on if they were going to drive to Emme's house and then the drive to the movie theater.
Drake buttoned his purple stripe shirt leaving the top three buttons undone and wore
his black jeans. And his sneakers were more comfortable than his rock and roll boots.
He felt he looked good and that was before he put his knit cap. He did think of going to
the GAP and buying some different colors, but he didn't want Josh to get the wrong
idea.
He hated wearing that alcohol free after-shave, especially when there was nothing to
shave.
The slightest cut could cause a serious infection.
And he already experienced an infection. Yeah, from his precious life saving regiment.
His cell phone rang. Drake bit on his lip. If this what he thought it was he wasn't going
to be pleased at all.
"Hi, Drake—God this is so hard."
"Emme, don't tell me that you are changing your mind? Five minutes before I leave my
house?"
"Who is jumping to conclusions now? It's nothing like that. But I think
we should cancel our date."
"Why?"
You better have a good reason, Miss Priss……So help me
He really felt like he could puke up the pretzels and canned peaches that were his
supper earlier.
"I'm worried about my Mom."
Emme whispered because she was afraid her Mom would hear her voice, but she was
downstairs in the kitchen making her and Drake some healthy snacks that they could
"sneak" into the movie theater. After she told him everything, he felt guilty, but let's face
it's not like Emme Jessica Watson had a glowing track record in this area.
"If I can arrange something…you'll still want to---?"
"Yes, Drake. I swear I'm not running away this time." The tears were just waiting to pour
of out of her. Otherwise she'd be in her pajamas instead of her smart black Burberry
sweater with the snap placket and the denim kilt skirt with a side black leather faux
snap belt, black ribbed tights, and Bass burgundy penny loafers and not to mention her
perfectly done yet natural looking made up face.
She still needed the sanctuary of her headscarf. Another Hermes from her
Grandmother's collection this one was just a safe neutral British tan. It matched the itty-
bitty Novacheck pattern around the v-neck collar of her sweater.
Plus the clip was a simple white gold bar design with a small diamond chip on the top.
"Hold on, okay?" Drake put the phone down and called for Josh.
"What is it, Drake? We're almost running late as it is!" He buttoned his red Premiere
vest.
"Talk to Emme for a second. I have to talk to mom for a minute."
"Uh—okay, but hurry it up."
"Don't you think I know that?" Josh backed away, he was convinced Drake was going
to pick him up and throw him out of a second story window if he didn't just do as he
asked.
Drake was brilliant Emme thought as she paced in the foyer. Having Audrey just
happen to drop by with some homemade (well Pillsbury) banana bread after they
leave was just smart. She wouldn't have thought of it. Mom wouldn't excessively drink
in front of others. Just because she only saved it for bedtime didn't mean that she
didn't have a problem. This was only a temporary band-aid non-solution, but at least
Emme and Drake could go on their date as planned.
"I bet you're glad that I got your car hot waxed now." Josh said as he drove up the long
driveway of the Watson estate after the gates opened. He quite liked it.
"No. I don't want you touching my car ever again without my permission. And since you
are never going to get it this conversation is over." Drake wiped the lint off the
shoulders of his black blazer. He thought he looked damn good. It didn't really dawn on
him that it was his first time on a real date since everything happened to him. Their
cancer situation was bad enough it didn't need the extra drama of Mrs. Watson
deciding to hit the bottle. He wondered if his mother had any secret bad habits due to
the stress of her son being sick? No. Audrey wouldn't hit the bottle or do drugs. She
had too much strong resolve.
"Okay—don't be too long. I have to get to work in thirty minutes."
"Josh, I'm not an idiot."
There was a big mirror directly above the small cherry wood side table, which had a
white Lenox vase with lilies painted on it. Her mother wanted her to wear a jacket. She
had a sweater on. They lived in San Diego and even though there were chilly nights it
was fifty-five degrees outside with no dips in sight according to weatherman Walter
Nichols of KDJY.
Drake rang the doorbell.…Emme took three deep breaths beforeshe answered.
She didn't want to appear too eager.
"Hi." He said, thinking he should've purchased flowers and he never thought of
purchasing flowers for anyone other than this mother on Mother's Day and even then
he sometimes forgot.
"Hi."
"Emme, you left your jacket in the kitchen. I put some dried fruit in your inside jacket
pocket. Hello, Drake."
"Hi, Mrs. Watson."
"You kids have fun tonight. Be home after the movie, okay, Sweetie?"
"I will." Emme gave her Mother a quick kiss on the cheek.
She put on her jean jacket and grabbed her small signature black Dooney and Bourke
handbag with the purple and pink lettering.
"Bye." Drake said quietly reaching for her hand.
"I hope your Mom is coming soon."
"Don't worry. I called her before ringing your doorbell, she's on the way."
"Thanks, Drake, I guess I'm just trouble no matter how you slice it."
"Emme, you're not trouble."
He opened the door for her wishing he was cancer free and Josh wasn't there to drive
them.
"Hi, Josh."
"Hi, Emme. I'll be your driver for the evening." He tried to lighten the mood, but Drake
wanted to smack him upside the head for that comment.
I'm supposed to be the one driving my car.
Emme wasn't consciously aware of resting her head on Drake's shoulder as Josh
drove them to the Premiere. She smelled like light flowers.
"I'm not sleeping, Drake. I'm just resting. Do you mind?"
"Not at all."
When they got to the Premiere Drake led Emme to small table off to the side while he
ordered two slices of pizza. What Audrey and Beverly didn't know wouldn't hurt them.
Plus they decided to share a large Mocha Cola. Diet soda was loaded with chemicals,
but chemotherapy was literally poison. Besides they'd eat and drink slow. He felt
something hit him in the back as he waited in line. It didn't hurt him. It was like when
you get your hair in your eyes and you have to sweep it away. There was another one
to his head. It was a spitball. His only thought was to carefully to turn around to make
sure Emme was okay at the table. She was writing in her little notebook. He took out
his wallet to pay for his order when it was his turn. The hairs (what was left on them)
stood up on his neck when he heard the pretend hushed voices of Francesca Cali and
Lorrie Willows laugh. He didn't have to be seeing them to know that they were
pointing.
"I can't believe you went out with cancer boy." Francesca said to Lorrie
"Yeah, he's such a dog now. Since he's losing his hair we can call him Fall Out Boy for
the yearbook."
"He looks like a retard in that cap."
It had to be Lorrie's boyfriend Brian Andrews on the football team and the rest of his
dumb jock ilk who were behind the spitballs.
Lorrie didn't think he was dog when he let her give him a hand job behind the
bleachers last year.
He hoped this stopped when he got to their table. There was no point in letting Emme
know what was going on. Drake didn't think he was going to make it to their table
without spilling everything that was on the orange tray on the floor. So this was what it
was like to be unpopular?
"Hi." Drake said. It felt so good to sit down.
"Hi."
"One large Mocha Cola and two pizzas."
"Our Mothers wouldn't approve."
"That's half of the fun."
Everything went smoothly until they started to share their soda. It might have been
corny and something out of a Leave it to Beaver rerun, but it was their date to do as
they pleased. There was the heckling, laughter, the non-whispers, and a spitball this
one bigger than the rest that landed on Emme's cheek.
"Drake, it's okay." She removed it with her napkin.
"No, it's not."
"Please." She stroked his hand.
"For you, Emme."
He hoped none of these jerks would be seeing Finding Texas.
"Don't pay them any mind, okay? I'd much rather focus on what's important."
Drake was never on this side before. He swore to himself if he ever got better he
would never pick on any nerd ever again. No matter how harmless it seemed like when
as recent as the last day he was at Belleview when he was "in on" hiding Eric's clothes
after gym class. But that was mainly because he was in the infancy of dealing with his
cancer news that he had to take it out on somebody.
"Josh gave us complimentary tickets." Drake said taking them out of the inside of his
jacket pocket and placing them next to the red napkin dispenser.
"Look at Fall Out Boy and his Fall Out Girl."
That did it. Drake slapped his hands on the table ready to stand up.
"Don't say anything, Drake."
The only thing that stopped him was the shower that was raining down on one table
and one table only.
Drake and Emme laughed. Those jerks deserved it.
"How are you doing, Drake Parker?"
"Good, Helen. This is my girlfriend, Emme Jessica Watson."
Girlfriend?
"Hi." Emme said
"This is Helen Du'Bois, she manages the theater."
"Isn't it a shame that you are having sprinkler problems?" Drake asked
"It's a shame that I don't know how to turn it off. You kids enjoy the movie."
"Thanks, Helen."
She winked.
It was sweet music hearing the insult crowd yelling and threatening to sue the place
after Lorrie complained about a loose tooth after slipping on the floor and into the chair
leg. And Brian Andrews trying to help his girlfriend up fell on his big dumb ass and slid
into the toppled table.
"I don't know about you, Miss Priss, but I'm feeling so much better."
"Same here, Don Juanoma."
Those were the only 'insults' that mattered.
Emme hoped that Drake didn't think she was a tease when she made sure her head
was nowhere in the make out position. It was one thing to rest her on Drake's shoulder
while Josh was driving but dark movie theaters were especially made for making out.
It's not that she didn't want to. It's just that she wasn't ready. She hoped that he would
be content just sharing the dried apricot slices and raisins that her mother tucked in
her jacket pocket.
"Are you having a good time?" Emme whispered, letting her insecurities rise to the
surface.
"Of course. You can rest your head on my shoulder if you want." Drake could tell she
was scared of making out and he would never take liberties.
"You want to finish the last apricot?"
"Thanks, Emme."
Josh had instructions to take Emme home as soon as the movie was over, but there
was another reason why he was anxiously waiting for the movie to be over. He did wait
outside theater four until all the credits were done rolling and all of the patrons left so
they could have their privacy.
"Drake," Josh ran to them as they walked out of the theater, "You have to promise me
you won't get angry, bro."
"What is it, Josh?"
"Follow me." They all walked to the parking lot and Drake's jaw dropped.
His cool vintage car was had all four tires slashed, most of the windows broken, and
written in dark ruby lipstick on the left passenger side window that wasn't broken read:
Fall Out Boy + Fall Out Girl
Cancer Freaks Forever
"I'm sorry, Drake." Emme said, she noticed he was holding her hand tight.
"It's not your fault."
"I'm supposed to take you home, Emme." Josh added
"No. That's my job. We'll just call a cab. I'll deal with my car later. You don't have to
worry about us anymore, Josh. Just go back to work."
Emme didn't want the date to end with Drake. Despite some of the morons who went
to Belleview High she really had a good time with him and really was in no hurry for this
evening to come to a close.
"Someday, I'll be the one driving you somewhere." Drake said to Emme as the taxi
driver was expecting a huge tip for driving them to Del Mar Meadows Road.
"For once, I'm not the pain in the ass, huh?" She tried to loosen the mood.
"You're not."
And Drake needn't worry about such things; she really had a good time and couldn't
wait to tell her mother about it.
Of course there was one little thing that had to be dispensed of. How were they going
to handle their goodbyes for the night?
"I think that cab driver was mad at me that I only gave him a two dollar tip, but I have
call a taxi to get home." Drake said when he escorted Emme back inside the house.
Mrs. Watson made sure the entry light was left on for them.
"I want you to know that I had a great time tonight, Drake." She held his hands.
"I did too, Emme. I'm sorry about those idiots though."
She moved her body closer to his. "Do you want to go out again?"
"Hey, it's the man's job to ask that. Do you want to go out again?" Drake didn't waste
any time.
Emme let herself giggle, "Yes, I do."
He moved in even closer, "I guess this is goodnight."
"Goodnight," She put her hands on his shoulders as they kissed each other. Emme
pulled Drake towards her more. She'd let him slip in the tongue, but they should save
something for the next date.
"Take it off…" she whispered
"What?" his hands were about to go up her sweater and to her bra. It was a force of
habit.
"N-n-o," She directed him further up with a shaking hand, "T-this."
Drake removed her hair clip and let it rattle on the floor as he unwrapped her
headscarf.
This was the most sensual experience he ever had. She trusted him and she wouldn't
be backstabbing him later. He spun her around as the scarf slipped down to her neck
and draped her shoulders. He kept his arms around her as they looked at their
reflections in the mirror.
"This is what a beautiful woman looks like." Drake kissed her on the neck.
"Thank you." She softly whispered.
"Now, I want you to do me a favor," He took her by the hand, "Lead me to your
brother's room."
"Wha—t?"
"Please."
"Okay. Be quiet though."
Emme hoped her mother wasn't passed out drunk in her bed. She doubted it if Audrey
was here earlier than she probably just curled up with a good book and might still be
up so they had to keep quiet. She wondered what Drake was up to. She could tell by
the look in his profound brown eyes that it wasn't about kinky (or otherwise) sex.
"Bathroom." Drake whispered when they got there.
"Drake," Emme was most confused, "We have plenty of bathrooms. Why do you want
to use my brother's?"
He put his index finger to her lips, "Ssh."
Emme walked ahead of Drake to Craig's bathroom so she could turn on the light.
Did Drake want to take a shower with her?
Drake smiled as he scoped the marble counter top.
"I'm confused."
Drake took off his knit cap and placed it on the clothes hamper. "Miss Priss, do you
have a big beach towel?"
"What in the world?"
"Do you?"
"Yeah, right behind you on the door hook." It was yellow and said 'Mexico' on it in big
colorful green and red letters. It was a souvenir from Craig's senior class trip to
Mexico.
"Cool. I'll bring that chair over here."
"Drake…"
"Thanks," Drake fanned the towel out and put it around his chest, "I've been in denial
about one thing. It's really not my style to be talkative, but for you Emme and not
Clipboard Ted I will tell you—I really lived by my looks, especially my hair. I was worse
than some girls. You know spending an hour in front of the bathroom mirror—because
apart from my music what else do I have to offer apart from my looks? Don't answer
yet. I still have a while of wonderful chemotherapy treatments to go and it's only hair
and it'll grow back…that's what they all say. And it's all going to fall out eventually, so I
want you to shave all my hair off."
"What? I don't want to hurt you…"
"You won't, Emme. My Dad has that same brand."
"But what if I nick you? You know cuts are dangerous and you already had an infection
that could've killed you."
"I think you might need to sit down. I'll be fine. Just go slow, okay."
The medical assistant's kept recommended using those gross smelling depilatories
and there was no way he was going to put Nair on his face or his head. Not after he
smelled the putrid scented lotion that Audrey had in the medicine cabinet.
She grabbed the razor from its charging box.
"Are you sure, Don Juanoma?"
"I'm sure."
Whatever he was going to feel when his hair hit the floor he wasn't going to air in her
presence. He'd keep it all locked inside until he got home.
My hair
Is all on the floor
My hair
I think I might be sick
Not my hair
When Emme was done she kissed his shaved head. She put the razor back on the
counter and extended her hand. Now it was her turn.
"This is what a beautiful man looks like." She kissed his neck.
"Thanks."
They shared another kiss.
"Remember unless you are cold or want to make a fashion statement, don't hide your
head."
"You're wonderful, Drake."
"Yes. So are you, Emme."
He put on his cap back on, "Oh and there's another point—if you want to tell everyone
in your family at once."
My hair is all over the floor.
What if it never grows back?
Its only hair right?
Emme hugged him tight.
"You feel wonderful."
She wanted to sleep with his body next to hers. With their arms and legs deliciously
wrapped around each other's.
"Likewise."
He didn't want this night to end either, but he knew it he had to face realities such as
calling the auto club to get his car towed to a repair shop and getting home himself.
"I'll call a cab for you."
She wanted to say it, but she was afraid and shouldn't they save something for date
number two?
I want to say it.
Does she want to say it?
Better save it for later.
"I'll call you." Drake said as they waited for his taxi to arrive
"You better." She stuck out her tongue
They kissed for about a "million" more times outside her house until the cab honked its
unfortunate horn.
Emme was too overexcited and felt like she was one inch out of her body after she
used the electric broom to clean Drake's hair off her brother's bathroom floor. She
went to her bathroom. Emme took off her clothes and placed them in her clothes
hamper and took a lukewarm bath. She dressed in her St. Patrick's phys ed.
department t-shirt and light blue sleeping pants. Emme cleansed her face clean at her
sink with her face wash and put a dollop some face cream on. She put on her thick
pink socks and headed for her mother's room.
"Mom," Emme said looking at her sleeping body. "Mommy?"
"Ssh," Mrs. Watson said wearing her sleeping mask, "Just get in the covers." Her
speech was one more glass away from being slurred.
She could smell the alcohol on her Mother's breath.
Damn it.
Damn it.
Damn it.
"I had a nice time with Drake." But you were supposed to ask me that question, Emme
felt annoyed at the woman who gave birth to her.
"You can tell me all about it tomorrow afternoon. Now be a good girl and go to sleep."
'I love you, Drake.' She thought
Unbeknownst to her at that very moment the soft guitar strings from a few miles away
echoed the words that were stirring in her heart.
In both of their hearts the love song continued to be written.
'I love you, Emme Jessica'.