President Suzuki was a very strange man.
Hatori knew this firsthand now. Sure, there had always been secondhand stories about him. About his temper, his infamous temper, and how literally anything could set him off. The things that he did to people…and the reasons that he did those things. Like that guy who got up in the middle of a meeting to go to the bathroom….that had been…well he had lived and that was what mattered. He had lived and…and Hatori might live, too, if he set off President Suzuki's temper. He was friends with the President's Daughter after all…so…so if he pissed the President off then…then maybe he wouldn't be hurt too badly…
He wondered if he could survive jumping out of a moving car.
You were supposed to tuck and roll, right? Tuck and roll…or something. He wished that he had looked it up before getting into this car with the President. He wished that he had looked up how to jump out of a moving car and survive in the dessert and…and how to disappear completely and never be found because nobody defected from Claw. Once you were in then you were in for life….but he wished that he had bothered to think up an escape plan or something….
He needed to get out.
"Um….Mr. President? Wouldn't it be faster to teleport?" asked Hatori. He cringed after the words left his mouth. This was not the time to ask. He should have asked before they left, not in the middle of their trip, because there was nothing that he could do about this now. The President probably thought that he was a moron or something now…and he hated morons. He hated morons, cretins, people who thought too highly of themselves, and people who had to go to the bathroom…and Hatori had to go to the bathroom. He wished that this car had a bathroom or…or that there had been some way to climb into the trunk…or something. Some small space he could have ran and hidden in until they got to where they were headed to….
Hatori maybe should have paid more attention when the President told him where they had been headed to.
He had stopped listened after the President had summoned him, well he had sent his daughter to get him which was the same as formally summoning him, and now he was in a car driving through the dessert with a laptop balanced on his knees being Suzuki's Minecraft materials slave. He knew that he would be expected to do something else when they got to wherever it was that they were going but he was not going to open his mouth and start asking any more stupid questions. The boss couldn't stand people who asked stupid questions…
He couldn't stand anyone at all.
"Yes, it would have been faster. Now bring me more diamond." Said Suzuki. Hatori swallowed and nodded. Had he sounded mad there? Was he mad right now? The boss's aura was big and red and it pressed down on him but it gave nothing away as far as his mood went. He could have been ready to dangle Hatori out the window by his ankle or kiss him on the mouth, he had no clue, but what he did know was that it was best to just get more diamond like he had been told. The best thing to do with Suzuki was to just follow his orders to the letter and then just…pray that he didn't secretly hate you. Pray that he wasn't going to demote you or send people after you or…or whatever else he did to people he didn't like….
Hatori wondered if anyone besides Mob would miss him if he were to die right then and there.
If not by Suzuki's hand then from the sheer amount of water he was losing through this nervous sweat he had worked himself into. He tried swallowing. His throat was stuck together…or maybe he had just stopped making saliva to preserve precious liquids. People did that….right? He had seen that on a survival show once, maybe, he couldn't remember. It would have made sense for his body to have been preserving liquids since he was in a desert…but then why did he feel like he was going to piss himself? A fear response? Like cats did to you when you picked them up too fast? Well he was afraid….Suzuki was a terrifying man…
Even when he was just sitting there played Minecraft.
There was a shift in the energy around him. Hatori practically threw himself back into his seat as he felt the President reach past him telekinetically to…oh. The back of the seat in front of him was also a mini fridge. Huh. So that was what he had been feeling. There were tiny bottles of water and soda and little cans of coffee…and beers…which he would not touch…and also little chilled wine bottles…which was weird because he had never seen the President drink. Not even through security cameras. Maybe his daughter had stocked this car…she did have sort of a drinking problem…in the sense that a ten year old drinking was a problem to begin with…but he wasn't about to say anything…
He got the feeling that whatever President Suzuki did to people who criticized his parenting was a hell of a lot worse than what he did to people who had to go to the bathroom.
President Suzuki was looking at him now…and he thought for a moment that he was going to reach out and strangle him…well force choke him…which he had done to people before. The President could kill him at any time and just…leave his body out in the desert…and then the dingos would get to him…or maybe not since they only ate babies…or maybe future generations would study his mummified corpse. Maybe Mob would make him a nice grave marker back at HQ. 'Here lies Hatori Nozomu. He had to take a piss.'
Wow. His eyes were REALLY blue.
"Drink something. You're dehydrated." Said Suzuki. He was still staring….and he had really nice eyes…well he would have had nice eyes if they hadn't been so crazy. Hatori would not have been surprised if the President either killed him or kissed him in that moment. He was just…just that crazy. Hatori hadn't even been to psychology school or anything but no sane person started up an organization like Claw. Also all the murders….and stuff. Those were also not the sorts of things that sane people would do….not that he was going to call President Suzuki insane to his face or anything….
Could he read minds?!
Hatori couldn't move. He couldn't think. The President was still looking at him. He was still staring at him with those same eyes, those same blue eyes that would have been nice but…but were just…crazy! Hatori was going to die. The President was taking him out into the desert to die….or maybe he was the one who was losing it. Maybe this was just where he went to…play Minecraft? No, he played it all the time…maybe he was just…there was a new Division that he was building out here since the old Eighth Division had exploded….maybe he needed to do the tech stuff for the new Eighth Division. Yeah, that would make sense…or maybe Suzuki was taking him out here to do weird sex stuff…Hatori didn't want that at all….Shimazaki had been lying. He must have been lying. Hatori would have noticed through the security footage if President Suzuki regularly took people off to do weird, disturbing, sex stuff with them…but then again a man as smart as him would have avoided cameras…by going into the desert…
Shimazaki always lies.
Shimazaki was a liar. He was nothing but a liar. Monster did not smell or taste like gasoline, Shibata had never hugged a cat to death on accident, and the cookies in the cafeteria were not made with butter rendered from the fat of traitors. Shimazaki was a liar and the President was more likely to have been driving him off to the desert for work shit…or to kill him….not to sleep with him. He had other people for that…like that healer…though that might have been another one of Shimazaki's lies…and Shimazaki always lied and he had to remember that Shimazaki always lied….
"I know that the custom is to deny a gift when it is offered to you but you're useless to me dead. So drink something. I don't care what." Said Suzuki. Hatori sprang from his seat like it had bit him. Right. He had to drink something…water. He hated water but…but water was the most polite thing to drink…and also it would keep him going the longest in the desert if Suzuki tried to throw him out of the car…though he had no idea what he could have done…but Suzuki didn't need a reason. He was Suzuki.
And he was terrifying.
Hatori uncapped his water and drank. He hated water. He mostly drank pop or energy drinks, sometimes tea, but he had been making an effort to drink a glass of water every other day at least for his skin. Even though it tasted bad. In every single country he had been in the water had just been…bad. Too metallic, too mineral-y, too soft, too….too plain. He was not a big water guy and never would be. But he had to drink it now because it would hydrate him and he needed to be hydrated…not only because he had to survive in the desert but because he had sweated through his sweater, practically.
"Drink slowly or you'll choke and I know that my daughter would be very upset if you were to die." Said Suzuki. Hatori did as he was told.
"Y-yes sir. I wouldn't want to upset Li-I wouldn't want to upset Suzuki-sama….Suzuki-san….Suzuki-kun…Suzuki-chan….um..." said Hatori. He called her Mob and Little Sister-sama but neither of those were her name and if he called her anything other than her name Suzuki would think that he was disrespecting his Daughter…and he didn't know what Suzuki did to people who disrespected his Daughter but it must have been worse than what he did to literally every other group of people that pissed him off. It was obvious who his favorite kid was.
"My Daughter is sama to you." Said Suzuki
"Right. I wouldn't want to upset Mob-sama….I mean Suzuki-sama! Suzuki-sama…" said Hatori. Suzuki was still staring at him. He really wanted to go back to being the Minecraft materials gatherer. At least that way Suzuki wouldn't be looking at him…like he was now….like he wanted to show Hatori was his organs looked like…but in a serial killer way not an angry way…
"Why do you call her that? I hear all of you calling her that and I have no idea why. She would be Suzuki-kun to you if you were on friendly terms…which you are…or Shigeko-kun….her name is Suzuki Shigeko. Explain this to me right now." asked Suzuki. Hatori wondered if he was angry…of course he was angry. Why wouldn't he be? That was a weird nickname. He had no idea why she wanted to be called Mob but he respected that…but maybe in respecting what she had wanted to be called then he had, in fact, been very disrespectful of her…and now he would pay the ultimate price….
He was too young to die…he wasn't even twenty yet…and he hadn't even kissed a girl…woman…in his adult life…
"I-I'm only doing what she asked. I don't know why she likes to be called Mob…but I can ask her next time I see her and then tell you what she said!" said Hatori. His voice may have broken towards the end…and he had no idea why that had happened he had thought for sure that his voice had been done changing by now…but at least he had proposed something that might grant him another day at least…unless Suzuki took out his phone and just texted her himself…that was always an option…
"Yes. Do that and then explain to me what she said. She's asked to be called that for her whole life…and I have never been able to understand it…though I suppose that doesn't mean much when not even her closest companion understands it." Said Suzuki. Now his eyes were less crazy…so maybe they were just crazy by default…and his aura was the same as it ever was. Hatori had rarely ever seen the President's aura so much as flare…and even then only when he was punishing his son or his subordinates…or at two in the morning on Wednesday nights but that had nothing to do with the lies that Shimazaki told. Suzuki was….not going to kill him…because he was…wait, what?
"I'm her closest friend? Me?" asked Hatori. Of course he regretted speaking as soon as he opened his mouth. The President did not like people who spoke out of turn. He didn't like anyone but he especially did not like people who spoke out of turn.
"Her closest companion. I suspect that Minegishi is her closest friend based on how often she speaks of them…but you are her closest companion…and I suppose that I must accept that." Said Suzuki. This was a nod and get back to work situation. He had no idea what Suzuki meant but he also knew that bad things happened to people who questioned the boss. Well Hatori wanted to live, thank you very much.
"So you said you needed more diamond? If I get you some obsidian and a book I can make an enchantment table and then you could-" said Hatori. There was a magic system in this game that Suzuki hadn't even begun to work on yet. Maybe once Hatori got him into the more non sandboxy parts of this game he would go back to sitting there in silence broken only when he needed to order Hatori to build him something. Yeah, that would be awesome.
"Do no pursue my Daughter romantically or sexually." Said Suzuki. Hatori choked. He choked on nothing. He had finished his water bottle long ago, a minute or two ago, and now he was choking on nothing. On air. His lungs had stopped working and he desperately needed them to work because….that was what Suzuki THOUGHT!? Hatori was going to die. Suzuki thought that he had been messing around with Mob…with his DAUGHTER. Suzuki was taking him out to the desert to kill him….
He wasn't even twenty yet and he was going to die.
Another bottle of water was placed in his hand. Suzuki was still staring at him. He still had the crazy eyes and his aura was still calm and somehow it was the calm aura that made the whole thing all the more terrifying. Hatori knew that he was going to die and….and there was still so much he hadn't done! He'd never finished the first Dark Souls or slept with a woman or learned how to iron his own clothes or kept a pigeon as a pet…there were so many things that he hadn't done and now the President was going to kill him and-
And he needed to fix this.
He took another drink of water. He wanted…he wanted to go somewhere small and dark so he could think. He wondered if he could climb into the trunk of the car if he ripped the seat off…no. That would be stupid since Suzuki would still be right there. He just…he just had to tell Suzuki that he wasn't into little girls…but that was exactly what someone who WAS into little girls would say! Who the hell was out and proud about how much they liked little girls!? Well the out and proud lolicons….which he was not one of! He needed….he needed to….to say something….
"She's ten! I'm not into ten year olds!" said Hatori. He said it louder than he had meant to…and his voice had cracked there…and he had spilled water all down the front of his shirt…and maybe his delivery could have been better…but it was the truth! He was not into ten year olds…well she was almost eleven…and that was still wrong! This was so fucking unfair! He was going to die and he hadn't even done anything!
"I'd imagine not or I would have beaten you terrible if not killed you. She will grow up and when she does she will be the most intelligent, kind, powerful, and beautiful woman in the world and when she does you will not pursue a romantic and sexual relationship with her. Is this in any way unclear to you? Because if it is then I can make it more clear to you." Said Suzuki. Hatori wanted to tell him that if anyone in that car sounded like they wanted to sleep with his daughter it was him…but then he would most certainly be a dead man. Suzuki had threatened him towards the end…and he would have to live with that threat hanging over his head forever…and Suzuki had made something out of literally nothing now…what would happen when she got older? When she grew up? He was not going to die because Suzuki projected…whatever that was…onto everyone. He needed…
He needed to convince Suzuki that he would never even dream of touching Mob even when she grew up.
"I'm gay! I'm really gay! Like, I don't like girls at all! " shouted Hatori. Suzuki blinked. Well now the crazy eyes were gone….and his aura was less oppressive…so…win? There. Now they could either play Minecraft and Suzuki would never accuse him of that…wrongness…ever again or….or Suzuki would get uncomfortable with him and kick him out of the car…because he may not be cool with the whole 'gay' thing…even though he was weirdly close with Fukuda…supposedly…and his son had a pretty damn obvious crush on Shimazaki…but then again Suzuki was socially impaired and might not have even noticed….
But at least he probably wasn't going to die now.
"Oh. I didn't know that about you. Daughter never mentioned that you were a homosexual." Said Suzuki simply. He didn't seem pissed off…or grossed out….or like he was about to come onto him…he just looked…he looked kind of like a kid killing ants with a magnifying glass…
"Um….it never came up?" said Hatori. Well now he had dug himself into a nice hole now hadn't he? Well this was a hell of a lot better than the alternative. Live a lie for the rest of his life or don't live at all. He was going with the lie. Besides, it wasn't like Shimazaki had been telling the truth about Suzuki. He wasn't about to sleep with his boss in the back of a Claw car going through the desert at a hundred kilometers an house with a driver listening….was he?
"That makes sense." Said Suzuki. There was some silence there. Suzuki was still staring at him…and he had no idea what that 'kid with a magnifying glass' stare meant. Hopefully Suzuki wasn't about to tell him to prove it…and then this whole thing turned into a bad porno….
"So, if I make you an enchantment table then you can-" said Hatori trying to get him back to Minecraft because he liked Minecraft. He crafted like a master. He had logged more hours into Minecraft than he had in raising his kids, probably, and…and he should have been ready to jump back in…but instead he was still just sitting there and staring and-
"Explain." Said Suzuki. Hatori relaxed. Ok, good, they were back to Minecraft. This wasn't going to turn into a bad porno. This wasn't going to turn into something that he would be describing to a psychologist in ten years. Good. Now they could move on with their lives.
"Well an enchantment table is-" said Hatori
"No, explain homosexuality to me. Right now." Said Suzuki. Hatori needed a drink. He needed all of the tiny beer and wine bottles in the mini fridge because he just did not have the mental stamina to get through this. Maybe if they stopped the car he could run and hide in the trunk…no. That was stupid. Suzuki would notice.
"Um…that's when a guy is into another guy. Romantically." Said Hatori. He hoped to God that Suzuki wasn't going to ask him how it all worked….because Hatori knew that his heart would not be able to take that. He would die. He would die and then that would be it. 'Here lies Hatori Nozomu. He lied about his sexuality so his boss wouldn't think that he was a pervert. It worked too well.'
"I know that. What I need to know is how it works." Said Suzuki. Hatori's eyebrows raised up so high he could feel them above his glasses. Well then…he was going to give his boss the talk. He wondered what this must have sounded like to the driver….this bizarre…not even a conversation. This Q&A session.
"Um…do you mean mechanically?" asked Hatori. He wasn't even sure how it all worked mechanically. Shimazaki was the guy to ask about this. Yeah. He would just come clean about being a nineteen year old virgin and then send all sexual questions Shimazaki's way. There.
"No, I know how that part works. Seems painful to me but that doesn't matter. I just want to know…well a great many things. I've never spoken to a homosexual before. I have many questions." Said Suzuki
"Well...um….ask away?" asked Hatori. He wondered if this was ok…impersonating a gay man to make his boss think that he wasn't into little girls…which he wasn't! He didn't know. He would worry about the ethical ramifications of this later. Right now he just needed to live through this conversation.
"Good. Now tell me how it works. How do you choose a partner? What parameters do you look for?" asked Suzuki. Hatori was NOT the man to ask about that. He'd never even come close to having ANY kind of a partner…..actually women, and Minegishi, really did not like him….but he was in too deep now. Time to keep up the lie.
"Um…I just like…guys who I like to be around? Guys I fall in love with…I guess. I mean it's the same for straight people just…nobody is a woman." Said Hatori. Was that how it worked? He didn't know. He just asked every single woman he met out in the hopes that one would say yes…and that hadn't been working out for him…mainly because he didn't come into contact with a lot of women to begin with.
"Oh…so it's all based on emotions…that is…interesting. Yes. I suppose that makes sense. How do you decide who controls the domestic sphere and who provides for the family?" asked Suzuki. That was…a weird way to put it. Did he mean who worked and who took care of the kids? Well both obviously….but Suzuki was old. He was over twice Hatori's age. He had been born during the pacific war or…well not that long ago but…but he was really old. He probably didn't know that women had jobs and stuff now.
"It depends on who wants to do what…I guess…or they just split up the chores and stuff…equally." Said Hatori. Suzuki must have liked his answers since his eyes hadn't gotten any crazier. That was a good sign…right?
"That makes sense since you're both male. I understand." Said Suzuki
"So getting back to Minecraft-" said Hatori
"Am I considered to be attractive? By the standards of your people I mean." Asked Suzuki. Hatori…had no clue how to answer that question. Honestly it was a miracle that a woman had found him attractive enough to have his kids. He was strange, and insane, and also the crazy eyes weren't helping…but telling Suzuki this to his face was a deathwish…
"I…um….you're my boss so if I tell you that you're attractive it could be…seen as me trying to proposition you….to get ahead in Claw?" said Hatori. Suzuki practically recoiled. Good. Maybe now this would be the end of it.
"I would never. Not even if you were female I would never even dream of propositioning you for anything." Said Suzuki. Well that hurt just a little…and he had no idea what there was in there to be hurt by. This was….this whole thing was just too weird. He needed…he needed a drink. Maybe if he threw up everywhere Suzuki would let him shut up.
"Ok. So I was thinking that if I got you more diamond I could-" said Hatori. There was no end to it, to the questions, and even Minecraft wasn't fixing this. No wonder nobody ever wanted to work in close proximity to Suzuki. They had only been talking for a few minutes and Hatori was ready to crawl into the trunk and hide.
"How did you come to this conclusion about yourself? That you're a homosexual. How did you know?" asked Suzuki. Well that one was easy to answer.
"I was born this way. I don't know why I was born this way but I was." said Hatori. Just like the song. There. People were born what they were born….and how did Suzuki not KNOW that? Well he had been born in a different world than the one Hatori lived in. He was a pretty old man…well middle aged man. Still, though, he maybe needed to learn a little bit more about the world before he took it over…not that Hatori would ever say anything like that out loud. He wanted to live.
"So it's genetic then. I see." Said Suzuki thoughtfully.
"Yes. I think that it's genetic…but I'm not a scientist so I can't say for sure." Said Hatori. Good. He was quiet now. He hoped to God that this was the end of the questions…but he also knew that God had it out for him.
"Do you think that my Son is a homosexual? Because I've seen him in his sister's clothes on numerous occasions and I have my worries." Said Suzuki. Hatori bit back the truth. He had no clue what Sho was but it was something and it had the mother of all crushes on Shimazaki…for some reason. He wasn't about to go telling the kid's dad about all of that, though, because he got the feeling that Suzuki wouldn't react well to his own male child being anything other than perfectly straight. The whole bloodline thing and all.
"He's ten. I don't think he's anything yet." Said Hatori. He was handling this well. He hadn't even pissed himself once. Even though he crazy eyes were starting to get to him…but he was fine. He was going to live and that was what mattered. He would live to see another day.
"Yes…he is ten. I'm worrying over nothing. Daughter would have told me. She tells me everything…well everything she is aware of…but Son would not keep secrets from Daughter." Muttered Suzuki. Hatori was very tempted to ask him why he never referred to his kids by their names, it seemed sort of hurtful, but he also knew that Suzuki would take it as criticism
"So uh…back to Minecraft-" said Hatori
"Don't pursue my son romantically or sexually when he gets older either if he does turn out to be a homosexual…and I pray that he isn't…but either way don't pursue him or you'll wish that you were dead." Said Suzuki. Hatori nodded so fast that he glasses almost flew off…and then Suzuki caught them for him…and that was somehow the weirdest part of this whole car ride. Not the whole explaining being gay to Suzuki thing, no, it was the glasses. That was the weirdest part of this whole thing. He had lied to save his ass from Suzuki's crazy assumptions…and then he just went and made more crazy assumptions…and now he would have to live this lie for the rest of his life…great.
"He's ten…and even if he wasn't I wouldn't be attracted to him…because I knew him when he was ten." Said Hatori. He was out of lies. If Suzuki didn't believe this then he was a dead man…or maybe not. He loved his daughter a hell of a lot more than he loved his son…so maybe Hatori would just end up being maimed or seriously injured….
"Yes. Son is rather grating. Very well then. I have many more questions for you but I'll have to write them down and then have Fukuda look over the list to see if they're socially acceptable. I wouldn't want to give you the wrong idea. Now get back to work. Tell me more about this item you want to craft for me." Said Suzuki
"Well it's an enchantment table and with it…" said Hatori. He was sending the people who designed Minecraft a fancy bottle of sake or a big gift basket or maybe one of those cakes that had a girl in it that popped out. Thank God for Minecraft. Thank God that Suzuki was so obsessed with Minecraft. Maybe now he would stop being so…
Strange.
That was the only word for it. Hatori shuddered to think of what questions Suzuki was going to come up with…especially if he had to have someone look over the list…and now Hatori was the Netflix guy, the tech support guy, the Minecraft guy, and now the sexuality Q&A guy…but at least Suzuki didn't think that he was into his Daughter. At least he wouldn't wake up to a sack thrown over his head and he himself being tossed into a traitor hole…even if he had to live a lie now…but it was worth it to get to live…even though he shouldn't have had to lie in the first place….but he was not about to go and come clean. Suzuki….he would not take being lied to well…
Suzuki Touichirou was a very strange man. You just never knew what he was going to do.