so thanks to all those that left reviews. and just to let you know. i'll try to keep the Jack/Kate and the Sawyer/Kate insinuations about as even as possible, and Hurley WILL end up coming back. but you'll just have to wait through all the other stuff…ta.

"Jack?" Her voice broke and she choked back the urge to cry, her eyes burning.

Jack sat on the couch with his head in his hands, looking defeated. A state in which Kate had never seen him in and it scared her.

He didn't move at the sound of her voice, remaining staring at the floor between the arches of his bare feet, enrapt in thought. The skin across his back and down his arms was tight in goose bumps, but he hadn't seemed to notice.

Kate had to tear herself away from his bent form, not able to watch him be like this any more than she absolutely had to. She went into the laundry room, finding him a white tee shirt, having forgotten about his sweater in the bathroom.

She kneeled down in front of him and put a hand on his knee, feeling him jump when she touched him, his head raising to reveal wet eyes."Jack?"

"I don't know what to do for him." He confessed shakily, turning back and locking eyes with her.

The weight of that statement coming out of his own lips caused a chill down his spine. He'd only been helpless like this once before, a time that had almost destroyed him – when his wife had left him.

"It's going to be okay." Kate tried to comfort him, her words sounding empty to her. "Sawyer's stubborn. Do you think he's really going to let this cripple him?"

"The neurotoxin has nothing to do with Sawyer." he spoke flatly to the ground.

"It has everything to do with Sawyer." She tried to laugh, trying to prove that it was true. She'd seen people do amazing things in desperate situations.

Jack didn't say anything, looking like nothing more than a brittle husk of a man thatcould collapse if a weak breeze strayed through the room.Kate, knowing that she was never going toconvince him any time soon,bunched up the shirt around the sleeve and began to slide it onto his hand, continuing to dress him fully as he made no attempt to stop her.

His face was pale, more drawn than it ever had been, a purple and brown bruise beginning to softly showon his cheekbone from the supposed rock in the mud she'd thrown at him.

She heard a soft grumbling, realizing that it was coming from him after a couple spells of it. She put a hand against his stomach, feeling it tremble.

"When was the last time you ate?" She asked.

He looked up at her with red-wrung eyes, but didn't answer, his stare dull.

"Beside the candy bar? Did you even eat anything today?"

"I had breakfast." His eyes were swollen and heavy with 50+ sleepless nights.

She took his face in her hands, dabbing her cool thumb pads against the puffy skin around his eyes. "When was the last time you even had a full night's sleep?"

"Why? Are you going to drug me again?" he asked numbly.

"Jack." She threatened.

"I'm fine…"

"You look like hell…"

"I'm fine Kate." He stated, pushing her hands away from him.

"I'm not going to argue with you about this..."

She'd seen him constantly neglect taking care of himself, from the time when they first crashed on the beach to the tragedy with Boone. The way he wouldn't stop, having to make everyone feel safe, even when it was out of his control.

His unrelenting commitment to everything frightened her the most.

"There's nothing to argue about..." He didn't want this again.

"You really need to stop doing this to yourself…"

"Doing what?"

Could he really be that oblivious to it?

"Putting everyone else's needs in front of yours, it's not worth it. You can take care of the rest of us so long as you take care of yourself! You're no use to anyone if you can't even stand up at the end of the day!"

"Kate-" he began.

But her lecture had gained momentum, her voice becoming louder than she realized. "Jack. You are not going to save everyone! It doesn't matter how hard you try or how far you're willing to go. You can't save everyone Jack! You just can't-"

He was up from the couch in one vicious move, his eyes aflame, his voice echoing through the hatch, "don't ever tell me what I can't do!"

She stood in shock for a moment, then snapped back to her senses, his outburst seeming to have electrified her bones. "Not everyone wants to be saved Jack!" She screamed back at him, suddenly loosed tears rolling down her pink cheeks. "LOOK WHERE WE ARE FOR FUCK'S SAKE!"

He stared hard at her for a long, long time, his eyes flickering through emotions so fast she couldn't read them, until he looked away. With his jaw muscles flexing on the sides of his face, he walked silently into the bathroom, coming back out with his shoes and the hoody in his hands.

"I'll be outside." He said in a hollow voice, not looking back as he walked out the door, closing it behind him.

Kate stood in place for a long while, staring at the place where he'd disappeared, feeling the boiling push of tears fighting to get out of her. But she held them back, forcing herself to stay sober. Then she tore her eyes away from the door and walked into thecomputer room, deciding she needed to find something else to think about.

If Jackwas going to do this, to himself, to everyone until he passed out. Fine. Let him.

She sniffed back the persistent burn of tears as she glanced at the numbers above the doorway. They read 004:04.

She sat down at the desk, holding her forehead up with her hand and trying desperately to lose herself in the calm blinking of the thick green cursor. When the numbers finally flipped to 004:01 she started to count the seconds, forcing her voice to stay even, strong.

"One alligator, two alligator, three alligator…" she held her fingers at ready over the keyboard, clacking the numbers in just as the alarm sounded, allowing it nothing more than three warning honks.

The numbers flipped indifferently back to 108:00, suddenly and abjectly leaving her with nothing to do. Shewalked out of the room cursing beneath her breath, passing by the bedroom and pausing mid-stride, putting a hand against the doorframe, looking in, wondering if Sawyer was awake, torn between hoping that he was and he wasn't.

She could see the window-lit outline of him lying on his back, the tears in her eyes making his silhouette gleam.

"I take it you won…" his deep scratchy voice came out of the darkness.

She watched himpick the towel off of his eyes.

Her voice broke when she spoke, "what?"

"I'd think about headin' off to the other side of the island if y'all are gonna do anymore of that pillow talk." He grunted as he tried to move his mostly unresponsive body. "Some people around here need to catch up on their sleep. Or haven't you read the Doc's clipboard?"

"What are you doing?" She didn't like the fact that he was moving himself around so much.

"Makin' room for ya." He turned to her, panting, having gotten himself pushed up against the back wall, lying on his side. "C'mere Freckles."

"No, Sawyer…" she wasn't in the mood for his flirting.

"Jabba called dibs on this spot b'fore you kiddo, I'd take it while the gettin's good."

"You should be sleeping..."

"Seems like Doc forgot to account for my tolerance to meds." He drawled.

She frowned at him, not stepping forward, just staring at his broad-shouldered silhouette.

"You're gonna end up blendin' into the wallpaper if you take anymore time thinkin' about it. An' refusin' a sick man, well… " hesaid underhandedly, "…that's just plain bad manners. Lady Karma likes to come back aroundan' get revenge on stuff like that."

"You superstitious now?" she looked at him from beneath her brow.

He thought about it. "Bein' stabbed, shot, poisoned...guess this island has a way of changin' a man." His lips curled up into a sneer. "Makin' himthink twice about sleepin'alone in the dark." his sly humor and enticements finally breaking her down.

She sighed through a laugh and finally moved from her spot, slowly climbing up the ladder only to stop at the top and give him a long look of reluctancy.

"You ain't gonna break me," he assured her with a serious look.

She slowly climbed on, trying to stay as far away from touching him as possible, which left her curled on the very edge of the bed, any sudden movement likely to roll her off the side.

"An' I ain't gonna bite you Freckles." He commented, reaching over with his good hand and letting it fall between her shoulders, pulling her towards him and off the edge. The angle for him to do such must have been hard, having been laying on the arm, but he managed it despite everything.

She helped by moving with his arm, all the while watching the twinge he couldn't hide in his face.

"There," he said breathily when she was close enough to him for his liking. "This kinda makes me feel like we're havin' a sleepover. Wish I woulda worn my bunny jammies."

Then his tone turned semi-serious when she didn't react. "So what were you and Doc squabblin' about?"

"Nothing." Kate said quietly, her voice small.

"Nothin'," he repeated sardonically, "ain't that whatall women fight about?"

She gave him a look, but he didn't falter. "You're gonnastart makin' me regret invitin' you to this spot instead of Big Mac forthis slumber party if you keep this up. Now I think I remember you yellin' somethin' that'll carve the Doc a new hole to worry through."

She sighed, not having expecting to be talking about Jack to Sawyer of all people. Sawyer was feeling pretty much the same about it as well, though taking a step forward and preferring to be doing something else entirely with Kate.

"He doesn't take care of himself." Kate said in a small voice.

"Well that's a big ol' newsflash to me." He said sarcastically.

"You do the same thing, Sawyer," she cut into hiscomment beforehis egocould unfurl itself.

"No I don't."

"So this right here," she pointed out, "this is you not not taking care of yourself?"

"I thought comparin' me to Saint Jack was frowned on these days…" he cut into her ego right back.

She glared at him and he smiled, liking the fact that he'd cornered her.

"Here's how it all slices out Freckles." He shifted his head on the pillow, looking up at the ceiling. "Doc's gonna keep on his 'holier than thou' crusade. You're gonna scream at him till you're soar in the toes about it. And then I'm just gonna lie here and appreciate the fact that Kermit the Frog gave me front row seats to it all."

"How big was it?" She was tired of talking about Jack already, knowing that it was just going to end badly.

"How big was what?"

"The frog."

"Hell," he lifted his hand to look at the damage in the dim light, "the damn thing wasn't even worth stickin' with a fork, let alone a gig." The lesion was blotchy and dark across his palm and fingers.

"That looks like it hurts." She said softly.

"You wanna kiss it better?" He grinned slyly.

"You should get some sleep," she tried.

"About as much as you should too," he said. "You gonna stay with me?"

She eyed him, realizing that she was indeed tired. And the moment she realized it, was the moment it became the heaviest feeling that'd ever pressed into her.

"I got too much pillow here for just one person Sassafras."

She sighed with a smile, "isthis what you always doto get a girl in bed with you?"

"Not more than I have to." He mused.

She rolled her eyes and turned over so that she was facing out so that it wouldn't entice him to try anything, reaching down and pulling up the sheets. "All we're doing is sleeping Sawyer."

"I ain't an animal." He reached over her with his hurt right hand and used his wrist to pull her back towards him, appreciating the fact that she came with it. "I'm cold." Was all he said about it.

"If Jack saw us right now," Kate commented, "he'd freak."

Despite her better judgement, she didn't want to move away from him. The feeling of having a body so close to hers was intoxicating. Just as she'd remembered it. It'd been so long since she'd been able to do this, so long since she'd felt comfortable enough with someone to do it. She lost herself in it almost instantly. "He'd probably kill us both."

Sawyer sighed and sank heavily into the pillow, letting his hand hang freely off her side, finally giving into the exhaustion that had been coursing through him all along.

"If Jack saw us right now," he talked groggily into the back of her hair, allowing himself a small smile of triumph. "I'd put on a bowtie an' be happier than hell to meet my maker…"

i am personally responsible for making up words in this chapter…yay.

oh. and upon watching the season one pilot that reran this wednesday. i noticed that in the sneak peek for next wednesday. they didn't show anything about Sawyer or Jack. which means something's TOTALLY up with them… in my opinion anyway evil grin

p.s. a "frog gig" is a sort of spear used for hunting bullfrogs in the south. for those that don't know. i'm from idaho. so i didn't know about either until i ran across it …fun fact.

p.s.p.s. i'm going on a snowshoeing trip with my mom this weekend. so i won't be able to update this story until the beginning of next week. so sorry.