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Chapter 30: To hell and back
She had tried to call him. Several times. She had tried the phone in his office above the diner and his cell-phone. He didn´t answer the first one, his cell was turned off.
Maybe he had gone to Kirsten. She wanted to know where he was at 10pm. But she didn´t want to go over to Kirsten and ask her. Afraid he would be there, afraid he wouldn´t.
At 1:00 am she was desperate. Sookie was long gone and she was fighting an inner battle between fury and worry. The worry won and she decided to go and check in the diner. Maybe he had drunken something and was asleep now.
She checked on the kids before she left to make sure they were still asleep. She took the key to the diner and decided to walk over.
When she stepped out on the porch she realized Luke´s truck wasn´t there anymore. She couldn´t remember if he had parked the truck in front of the diner and had walked back home or if the truck had been outside during their fight.
The diner and the apartment above it were dark and the truck wasn´t outside. But she still unlocked the door and walked upstairs. The door stood open, an empty bottle of water lay on the table and she saw Sara´s broken toy on the floor. So Luke had been here and obviously he had been still angry. Lorelai shook her head when she saw the toy. She couldn´t believe that he turned his aggressions now against his kids. He was angry with her, so why did he destroy their daughters toy?
She saw the phone which lay on the armchair and picked it up. She went to the list with calls, but there were no calls from this evening in the list. Not even to Kirsten.
She walked back downstairs and looked around in the diner. It looked empty without him. To Lorelai it never mattered if there were guests in it or not, as long as he would be there it felt warm.
She switched on the lamp behind the counter, not sure what she was looking for.
She turned to the coffee-maker and the pictures on the wall above it.
There were the one´s she had given him as gifts in frames. All pictures of the kids. She herself had hung them up, together with the award for the best husband and best dad.
And then there were the pictures Luke had added. Just the pictures, without frames.
There was a picture when they moved into the former-Twickham-house. Lorelai remembered. She had been three months pregnant with William and Luke had refused to let her carry anything which was heavier than a cup of coffee. A big one. The first thing he had moved into the house had been the new couch so she could lye down and still see him. He had shattered a lots of cups and plates because every time she had had to throw up he had just dropped the boxes he had been holding on the floor and had hurried after her.
Then there was another one where he was carrying her into the diner when she had bumped her toe and had pretended she couldn´t walk anymore. Of course he had known that she could walk,but had carried her anyhow. Patty had mocked them if this would be a new dirty game of her and Lane had thought it was romantic.
There were pictures of the kids, but on those they weren´t dressed up: William on his first birthday eating his cake, the twins at six months in the bathtub with foam-hats she had made them, Lorelai playing with a two year old William outside during a summer rain, trying out their new boots. Both completely soaked.
She switched of the lamp and locked the door behind her when she left the diner. It was 1.20am now, maybe he would be home now.
The next day Luke woke up around noon on Andy´s couch. It had been a long night. At first they had talked about Lorelai and the argument and it had felt good to vent.
"She´s so selfish. I never saw it that way but now it´s clear as the daylight: Having a husband means for her that I´m her marionette!" he had told Andy after the fourth beer.
"She is jealous Luke. Why don´t you believe me?" Andy had asked him.
"Because she is not jealous. She isn´t a jealous person. She knows that she has me. She can do whatever she wants, because I´m a fool and always say yes when she makes those puppy-eyes. And when I really don´t want to do something and I tell her no and she pretends to accept she is looking like that damn Bambi, so hurt and helpless and then I will give in. She turned me into a will less idiot!"
"Oh come on, Luke. She really loves you. You remember when you found out that she was pregnant with the twins and you had this huge fight? Or when she doubted that you love her right after she had Will? You told me that she got so skinny it scared you because she refused to eat. And everyone who ate one time with your wife knows that this is unbelievable. She must have been miserable. You don´t starve yourself half to death, without realizing it, just because you lose your slave."
"I don´t doubt that she loves me. I know she does. Maybe... I think I should just calm down and then talk with her about this whole Kirsten thing and the fact that for the first time she really disappointed me with her behavior. This cold woman who doesn´t care what Kirsten is going through just isn´t the Lorelai I know. I mean she cares about Kirk and these guinea-pigs. She even cares about Taylor!"
"Luke believe me: She is jealous. Her territory is threatened, so she wants the concurrent to disappear."
"But this is so stupid. I need to help Kirsten and I know I spend a lot of time there, but the more I work there now, the sooner it will be finished and then I can spend more time with my family without having a bad conscience because Kirsten is still sleeping on a mattress on the floor."
After that they had changed the topic and had talked about the upcoming baseball game, Andy promised to get cards for, what they would drink after the last beer, how Jo was always hitting on girls who were way too young for him and how Andy´s girlfriend was on a trip in China at the moment.
It had been late, or early, when they went to bed, or on the couch, around 4am, the time Luke sometimes had to get up.
He rubbed his eyes and groaned because of the headache he had. When he noticed the time he cursed, because he had to get back to Stars Hollow. He had promised Kirsten he would be over at noon, and he was still lying on the couch.
He stood up, left Andy a note and climbed into his truck. He needed to call Kirsten that he would be late. His cell-phone was still on the passengers-seat where he had tossed it the night before and accidentally turned it off. He turned it on and groaned again when the phone started to beep immediately. He had 8 messages on the mailbox. He debated a moment if he should listen to them, knowing they would all be from Lorelai, but then decided to do it.
First message, yesterday 10.05pm: Luke it´s me. I just wanted to tell you I´m going to bed now, be quiet when you come home!" He knew this wasn´t why she had called. Maybe she had just missed the moment to hang up and needed to say something.
Second message, yesterday, 10.46 pm: "Luke please turn on your cell-phone when you hear this"
Third message, yesterday 11.34 pm: Luke, you´re better not at Kirsten´s house! And the pigs will stay!"
Fourth message, yesterday 11. 39 pm: "I´m sorry"
Fifth message, yesterday 12.23 pm : "Please come home tonight or tell me at least where you are"
Sixth message, today 01.31 am: "I just checked the diner. You destroyed Sara´s toy. I can´t believe it. Why did you do this? Okay, I know why you did it but I never thought you would turn your anger about me against the kids"
Seventh message, today 03.51 am: "God Luke where are you? I´m worried. Please call me and tell me that you´re okay!"
Eighth message, today 07.12 am: I called every damn hospital and I couldn´t find you, the police says there were no accidents. Luke I´m sorry. I´m so sorry. If you are okay then please please call me!"
She sounded desperate and scared. In the last message she begged and pleaded and Luke could tell by the sound of her voice that she had been crying.
He needed to go home fast as possible.
He arrived home one hour later and when he opened the door and walked into the living-room he saw himself confronted not only with Lorelai, who looked miserable, but also with Richard and Emily Gilmore.
Lorelai jumped off the couch and hugged him for not a whole seconds, then stepped back.
"Where the hell have you been?" she yelled at him.
"I was at Andy´s place. I needed..." he was cut off when she started to scream again.
"At Andy´s place? At Andy´s place? And Andy doesn´t happen to have a phone! I was scared out of my mind that something happened to you, you stupid idiot!"
"I´m sorry! We talked and had a couple of beers and..." again he couldn´t finish his sentence.
"So you had a nice evening with your buddy while I was sitting here and thought you might be lying somewhere beside the road, injured or dead! You blame me to be selfish and ignorant, then what is this? You don´t care about that I would be worried! Don´t you ever dare to call me selfish again!" she was furious. Luke couldn´t remember if he had ever seen her like this. Neither of them noticed that the twins were in the room now, looking confused from one parent to the other.
"I needed some time to think!" he yelled back and knew the moment he did it that he had made a fault.
"Okay, then I give you time, you ignorant jerk! Go to hell!" Again with that sentence. But he wouldn´t make the same mistake twice so he remained silent and stared at her. Emily and Richard had taken the twins to the kitchen so they wouldn´t witness the whole fight between their parents. But nobody thought about William who was sitting next to the cage on the floor. He had heard every word.
"Daddy, don´t go!" he said and Luke and Lorelai turned around and looked at him, shocked that he had witnessed this.
"Don´t go again!" William said.
"I give back Meeko and Barney but don´t go again!" he begged and Luke´s heart broke.
He approached William slowly and kneeled down in front of him, picked him up and sat him in his lap.
"Keep them Will. They are your friends. I won´t go." he told him.
"You won´t move in with Kirsten or go to hell?"
"Who said I would move in with Kirsten?" Luke asked him softly.
"Tony. His father moved in with an old friend and now he has a new brother"
"William, I won´t move. I will always live with you, your sisters and your mother. Okay?"
"And with Meeko and Barney, too?"
"With Meeko and Barney, too. By the way, which one is Meeko and which one is Barney?" he asked his son to lighten the mood and make him forget what he had just witnessed.
"This is Meeko and this is Barney" William explained.
"Hello Meeko, hello Barney" Luke said in the direction of the two pets.
"Mummy, they can stay!" William smiled and turned around. But Lorelai wasn´t in the living-room anymore.
TBC
