Mob couldn't sleep.

She just couldn't. It was late, the sun had gone down, and it was long past the time when she would have put Sho to bed if he had been there. But he was not there. She had no idea where he was. Well Korea, probably, but she had no idea where in Korea. Well Seoul, probably, but she had no idea where in Seoul. The Claw houses in Seoul, probably, but she had no idea which Claw house. They were all the same, mostly, but she had no idea which specific house he was staying in. She had no idea if he was awake or in bed or even what time it was in Korea….she just didn't know….

She didn't know a lot of things.

She rolled over and looked across the room. No second bed. No Sho meant no second bed. There was just empty space there. She had tried setting up her dollhouse there to fill the space but that had just felt more wrong than there being an empty space where Sho should have been. She had no way of filling the space that he had left behind so…so she didn't. She just stared at it. At the white wall across from her. Her phone came to life every so often and showed the time. Eleven at night. Eleven even. She needed to go to bed.

She didn't have anything to get up for but she needed to go to bed.

Her sleep schedule was still messed up from the sugar cube. She wished that Shimazaki had told her that her brain wouldn't be able to go to sleep at all even after she came back from wherever it was that she had been. That strange house. The strange house with the strange walls and the strange floors and the strange person called….what had he been called? She didn't know. All she remembered was that she had been in a very strange place….and the people had been strange…and she had been small. She had been smaller than she had ever remembered being in her life…so small….and Sho had been smaller. Sho had been smaller than her and Sho had been….

Where was Sho?

Who was Sho? Well she knew who Sho was, he was her own little brother, and also in her…in the place she had gone….well she hadn't gone anyplace at all. She had been in Shimazaki's room the whole time but she had also gone somewhere….and it was….the whole thing was hard to understand. It was sort of like when she smoked a lot and she forgot where she was for a second but it had been for more than a second…and also she had forgotten where she was and even WHO she was for a little bit. She had been small…well she was small….but she had been very small…and also she had no idea where she had been…and she remembered…yellow. A yellow room. A yellow room with ducks on the walls…

She had never lived in a yellow room with ducks on the walls.

She had lived in the Castle and in the Castle she and Sho had stayed in a blue room with nothing on the walls. Just shelves and also Sho's pictures when he had gotten old enough to be trusted with the tape. She had stayed in so many Claw houses, too, but none of them had yellow walls with any kind of decoration…so where had she been? It felt sort of like she had been dreaming…but also not dreaming. Not like daydreaming but dreaming for real, like when she thought that the dream was real, and it had been real….and also it had not been real…and then she had woken up and….and then she'd had to pee…and Minegishi had been there…

And it had been a very weird experience.

She didn't think that it had been a bad experience…not really. Not like the times when she drank too much and got sick. That had just been….a lot…and it had left her tired and thirsty and also with a kind of a sort of a sense of….loss. Like something was missing. She had lost…she had lost her little brother…and that made sense because Sho was not there…but he was not her little brother, the person she had lost, because her little brother was named Sho but this person…

Was and was not Sho.

She couldn't remembered what he had been called. She could barely remember what had happened. She remembered….she remembered that she had dreamt a lot of things. Like kissing Shimazaki. Yuck. She had dream that she had been sitting on top of him, well sort of, her legs had been on either side of him and his stomach had been under her and then he had leaned up and kissed her….and that was gross so she knew that she must have been dreaming….and they weren't good dreams….

Weird dreams.

Well some of it had been dreams and some of it had been real. She was pretty sure that Shimazaki screaming at the sun had been real…and also he kept on saying 'mistake' over and over again…but he hadn't made one. It had been…ok…she liked smoking better but it had been ok…ok-ish. She was sorry about the house but Minegishi had said that it hadn't been her fault…and also it hadn't been a problem because there was a house on the other side of theirs that everyone moved to that very night….and that was ok….

And Minegishi was not mad at them.

They had said, over and over again, that they were not mad at her…they were mad at Shimazaki…and they had called him Shimazaki….and Mob's head had been so full of…it had felt like her whole head was full of good or something….well it had at the time…that she hadn't even been able to tell Minegishi properly that it had all been her idea and that Shimazaki had just been trying to find something fun for them to do together…and stuff. So it hadn't been his fault…and also Minegishi should have been nicer to him because he was in love with them….and stuff….well Mob was pretty sure that he was in love with them since he said it over and over again….

A lot of times.

Mob wondered if she was remembering that right. She was pretty that she had heard him tell Minegishi that he loved them after she had come back form that place….wherever that place had been….and that meant that it had happened…and stuff. Right? She didn't know. She didn't know anything at all except for the fact that she had gone somewhere and now she was back and the only thing that she had come back with was this sort of…loss. She had lost something but she had no idea what it was….and the loss felt real. This wasn't like when she woke up from a dream about mom and went looking for her but then realized that she was gone. The loss was staying.

She had lost something.

She had lost someone. She had lost…not Sho….a little brother who was not Sho…but that made no sense. She had one brother and he was named Sho not…what had she been saying…she closes her eyes. She closes her eyes and tries to go back to the place….and she tries…but she can't. She can't. She just remembers a weird house and a boy with black hair with a different name and she herself being so very small…and none of it makes sense. She has a brother named Sho and she has not lost him…she just…hasn't seen him in weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks…..

And weeks.

She calls her phone over with her powers. Maybe she had dreamt up a new brother. Maybe she had dreamt up a new little brother because she hadn't seen hers in a while. Maybe that was what this loss was. She didn't know. All she knew was that she hadn't lost Sho…she just….hadn't seen him in a while…which was not the same as losing someone…..and now she can hear Shimazaki shouting that he's not blind, he's just not sighted, which now that she thought about it meant the same thing but what did she know? She wasn't blind and also she wasn't as good of friends with Shimazaki as Sho was….

And she missed Sho…

And maybe Sho could explain what he meant better because he and Shimazaki were such good friends and stuff….and that was a good reason to call him…and if she were to call him now then she would not have been smothering him at all…and that was the last thing that she wanted. She knew what it was to be smothered and smothering him was the very last thing that she wanted to do. She would rather kiss Shimazaki on the mouth than smother her own brother….so much yuck….and maybe this did count as smothering….because she didn't NEED to call him…she knew that he was in good hands, she had written out an entire instructional manual for Fukuda and all, and maybe this wasn't right….

She just really wanted to hear his voice.

Just this once wouldn't be too bad. Just once, not all the time, and not for very long. She just…she wanted to talk to her brother. Her dream place had a different brother because she missed the brother that she had, that was all, and so…so maybe her dream place had been telling her to call her little brother. Once would not be so bad. It wasn't like she was going to keep him up all night like dad kept her up….no. She wasn't even sure if it was day or night, even, where he was…or whatever….she just….

She needed her hear his voice.

She went into her contacts, not very many, and clicked on Sho's picture. He was very happy in that picture. This was taken at Disneyland when they had gone for the first time and…and it had been fun…even if they had ridden the teacups until they had gotten sick…Sho had still been so happy there and if he was happy then she was happy…and she really hoped that he was happy…but there was only one way to find out…

She hit the call button.

Sho's phone was ringing.

He almost jumped when it did. The only person who ever called was Fukuda and he said that he wouldn't be back for him for hours and hours…and it had been hours and hours…but not so many hours and hours! He and baby sis had just started playing the game where she threw empty paper towel holders and he caught them with his powers. This was a really intense game, she could throw hard, and he did not need Fukuda calling him and telling him to come home now because the day was done…he didn't need that at all….

But he had to answer his phone.

He held the paper towel roll in the air with his powers. Baby sis was standing up as tall as she could, which wasn't very tall at all, trying to get at it. He wasn't teasing her, no, he was just distracting her. She liked phones. She liked to hold them and chew on them and throw them and hide them so you freaked out trying to find them…and how she had managed to throw it on top of the high bookshelf he would never know, but he was also proud of her….but he didn't want her to do it again.

She had her own toys to throw.

They would throw some toys when he was done telling Fukuda that he needed just five more minutes. Five more minutes, of course, being as much time as he could get out of him. Fukuda wasn't big sis, he never set a timer, so Sho could just keep asking for more and more time. Sort of like if you found a genie you could always just wish for infinitely more wishes. So maybe he could have infinite time with baby sis….that was have been so fucking awesome….and she could not read minds so that was ok….and she was suck a fucking awesome little sister…

And big sis was a fucking awesome big sis.

She was also calling him. He didn't even have to read her name, her picture was right there. He had taken that one when they had gone out for pizza at some place that was supposed to have been famous but every single pizza place said that. It had been good pizza though. It had been so good that they had ate it so fast that big sis ended up with pizza sauce all over her face…and she had begged him to delete that picture but he kept it because it was funny…and usually he laughed a little inside of his head when he saw that picture…but not now….

Because she was not supposed to be calling him.

Well he had never ordered her not to call him, he would never say that because he was done being a jerk, but….but she could not be calling him now. He was with baby sis…and she could never know that he was with baby sis…but it must have been important if she was calling him….something really big must have been happening….maybe dad had died! Or at least gotten really hurt!

He was never so lucky.

Maybe it was something else big. Maybe she and Hatori were getting married! That would be the best thing ever. Then she could stop liking Shimazaki…well she had used to like him and she probably still liked him at least a little because he was the coolest guy ever and he was fun and he was really strong and stuff, like he could lift you, and also….and also big sis couldn't like him because….because nobody wanted their sister to like their best friend. Besides, Hatori was more like her and they were probably getting married or something and that was why she was calling him….

Or something.

He didn't want to answer the phone…but he had to. He had to because if she had just wanted to talk them she would have just texted him…so this must have been important. He would just talk to her, not facetime, because baby sis would try to get in on the call and this was supposed to be a secret…like all of the other secrets…secrets on top of secrets on top of secrets….

He was getting really sick of all of these secrets.

He was also getting sick of the sound of his phone ringing….so he hit answer. It took him a couple of tries, his hand was all sweaty for some reason, but he answered. He kept on bouncing the empty paper towel roll up and down above baby sis's head. That would keep her busy, she wouldn't come over and try to play with him or anything, but he really wanted to be back to playing with her…to playing with his baby sister…

But his big sister needed him.

"Hey, what's up?" asked Sho after he managed to answer the phone. He could hear big sis breathing on the other line. He wondered if something so bad had happened that she was speechless…like maybe dad fell down and broke his head opened and now he had amnesia and he thought that he was a totally different person….that would have been great…because he wouldn't wish death on his own dad…because that was what jerks did….and stuff….

"Um….hi, Sho." said big sis. That was all she said. He could still hear her breathing on the other end after that….and he wondered when she would get on with it. Baby sis was getting kind of bored. She wasn't trying to reach the paper towel roll anyone, no, now she was tugging on her pacifier. It was clipped to her shirt so she wouldn't lose it….but she just wanted to off…even though she must have known that she would lose it if she unclipped it…and he wanted to distract her with something else but he was on the phone….and stuff…even though all big sis was doing was breathing…and he had missed her so much…but if he had wanted to listen to her breathing he could have just waited until it was time to go home.

"So….what's up? Did something happen?" asked Sho. He crossed his fingers for dad with amnesia or dad having been shot in some place that wouldn't kill him or dad getting carried away by birds or dad choking on an omelet…and living because it was wrong to wish death on people….or maybe it wasn't if those people were jerks…and he would think about this later. Baby sis was getting mad at her pacifier now and Sho turned away from her and cupped the phone to his ear so big sis wouldn't be able to hear baby sis getting all fussy.

"Um….I don't….I just….um….I just wanted to talk to you." Said big sis. Sho blinked. She had never called him just to talk before…and she hardly ever called him…because they were always together…but they weren't together right now so it made sense…and he wanted to talk to her too. There were so many things that he wanted to tell her….so many things that he could not tell her. Secrets on top of secrets on top of secrets….

One of those secrets was pulling his hair.

Baby sis liked to tug on his hair. She tugged on his hair when she was happy, she tugged on his hair when she was mad, she tugged on his hair when she was bored, and she tugged on his hair when she wanted to play. She wanted to play right now. She was tugging on his hair with one hand and hitting him on the head with the empty paper towel roll. She wanted to play and…and he was talking to big sis…and now she was fussing….

She wanted to play with him.

"Sho? Are you somewhere with babies? Are you playing with the babies at the park again? Are they cute? What are they doing?" asked big sis. Fuck! She could hear baby sis…and Sho….he wanted to tell her the truth. He wanted to tell her about how he was with baby sis and how she lived in the Seventh Division and how she could walk now and how she liked to throw paper towel rolls…and stuff…but he didn't. He couldn't. He had to keep a secret.

He had to keep a lot of secrets.

He wants to tell big sis about how he found out that Fukuda had been sending mom emails…and he wanted to tell her that Fukuda missed mom as much as they did…and he wanted to tell her that he had talked about mom….but he didn't. He couldn't. He had to keep secrets. His. Other people's. All the secrets in the world. He had so many to keep and they were so big….and sometimes it was hard to keep them….

But he kept them.

"That's just….the TV. I have to go now because of….reason. It was nice talking to you." Said Sho before he hit the hang up button. He hit the button and then put his phone back in his pocket. He felt bad, he just hung up on her like a jerk, but….but he would be able to see her when he got back. He would always be able to see her….

He only got so much time with baby sis.

Mob only got so much time with Sho.

Maybe that was what her dream had meant. Maybe that was the feeling of loss that was sticking to her. Maybe that was why she had dreamed she had a different brother with a different name. Maybe…maybe she had realized that she only got so much time with Sho. They would always be together, she had thought, but she hadn't thought about what would happen when they grew up. Maybe that was why she had been so little in her dream. Maybe she wanted to go back to when she had been little and things had been easier and nicer…and Sho had always been with her…and he hadn't gone on any away missions…and he would only go on more and more…..because he was getting older….

And one day they would be apart forever.

One day they would be adults and she would be with dad and Sho would be off ruling the world…so maybe her dream meant that things would change one day and…and things had changed so much already…and life had so much change in it…and the change could be so much sometimes. Sometimes you grew up and…and everything was different from how it started. She had been so little and now she was not little…and Sho wasn't with her. There was an empty space where Sho should have been.

And Mob couldn't get to sleep.