It was always hard to say goodbye.

Sho knew that this day was coming, he had known for a while, but knowing did not make this any easier. Saying goodbye to his baby sister…it had been hard before…and it was hard now. The hardest thing that he had done in a while…and also the hardest thing that he had ever had to do. Saying goodbye to her on that day, that really bad day, when Fukuda had taken her away from him forever….well seemingly forever…it had been the worst day of his life. Saying goodbye to her again for the second time had been a little bit easier. He hadn't hit anyone. Saying goodbye the third time….

He was mostly just trying not to cry.

He was feeding baby sis her lunch now. She was having more mush, this time broccoli and potato mush. He got the normal kind because he could be trusted to chew his food and stuff. He hadn't been able to eat it. Who could eat when they knew for a fact that by the end of the meal they would have to leave their own pretend baby sister behind forever? Well not forever….

Just for a really long time.

He had no idea how long it would be until he got to see her again. She would be older then and maybe she would be able to eat food that hadn't been mushed up. Maybe she could be able to sit at the normal table and eat all on her own with her own fork and spoon and bowl and stuff. Maybe she would be able to…to do everything for herself. Maybe the next time he saw her she would be a kid or something. Then she would have been too old for him to…to be able to feed her and play the game where he caught the things she threw…and also she could be too old to remember him….and he needed her to remember him….

Because he was her big brother.

"Come on, here comes the airplane. It's gotta land before it runs out of fuel and it crashes and all the people on it die. Come on, you're got to open up right now so the plane can land." Said Sho as he made her little baby spoon fly around with his powers. She clapped and reached for it. She wanted to catch it in her hands and he couldn't let her.

Even though he wanted to.

If she didn't eat then the meal would never be finished. If the meal was never finished then he could stay forever. She would never go down for her nap if the meal was never finished and if she never went down for her nap then he would never have to leave. He could stay with her forever. They could play games and draw pictures and go for little baby stroller rides all day. She'd love that. He'd love that. They could be happy together. She was so happy right now. It wasn't fair. Why didn't he ever get to be happy? Sometimes….sometimes it felt like he ever got to be happy. Like every time something good in his life happened something bad came along to take it away….

And that really sucked.

Baby sis was the best thing in his life right now. Well her and big sis but big sis took care of him. He got to be the big brother when he was with little sis, he got to take care of her, and even though it wasn't always easy he still took care of her. He rocked her to sleep when it was time for her nap, he fed her the baby mush she had to eat even though she deserved all the cookies in the world, and he played whatever games she wanted for hours and hours and hours…even though the catching things game did get kind of boring after a while. He was her big brother and he was there for her no matter what…even if they were pretend siblings. Being there for her…having someone who he had to be there for…it was a good feeling….

But everything good in his life came to an end eventually.

"Mukai…baby sis….after you finish your lunch mush you're going to have to take a nap and I'm…going to have to go. Ok? I'm not going to be here when you wake up but…but I still love you and care about you and stuff. Ok?" asked Sho as she batted her little baby spoon away. He had no idea if she even understood a word he said. She was little, so little, and she couldn't even talk yet. She didn't understand why he would have to leave her. She would just wake up and then he…he would be gone from her life and stuff…and that would suck. It would suck and she would think…she would think that he didn't love her anymore….

Because that was what it felt like.

That was what it felt like when you woke up alone. When you woke up and the person who you loved the most in the world, the person who took care of you, was gone. They were gone and you waited and waited and waited…but they never came back. You blamed yourself and everyone around you. You thought about what you could have done different, how if you had just been born right, born better, things could have been different. How if you had tried harder, been better, then you wouldn't have been all alone….and stuff….

He was going to make his baby sister feel like that.

"I'm coming back, ok? Never forget that I'm coming back. I'm going to be coming back to see you again. I don't know when but….but I'll be coming back." Said Sho as he managed to get some food into her mouth. She started to chew and she stared at him. Her eyes did the same thing his did when he focused, her pupils got really tiny. Good. That meant that she was listening. He put more food on her spoon even though he didn't want to and she watched him with complete baby focus. Maybe she was just hungry. Maybe she didn't care about a word he had to say and she just wanted to eat her lunch.

He fed her.

He wanted to stay with her forever but he knew that she had to eat. She was little and she needed food and stuff. She needed to eat and grow up big and strong and his feelings didn't mean a thing. He was not going to starve her. He was not going to keep her up all day. He was not going to be selfish. He loved her. He loved her and he was not going to make her feel bad or hungry or tired or anything. That was what love was.

When you loved someone you put them ahead of yourself.

"Ok? Big brother is coming back and when I do I'm going to have all kind of stuff for us to play with…and a new doll for you…and even more drawings. Maybe you'll be big enough to draw for real, not just baby scribbles. Won't that be great? You'll be able to draw with me, your big brother. Well your pretend big brother. We're not really brother and sister but….but I love you just the same." Said Sho as he fed her some more baby mush. She was still looking at him with all of her baby focus. He wondered how she could focus so much on him…but she was smart. She was smart and she was his little sister and he loved her the very most out of all the other babies in the whole world. Who wouldn't? She was baby sis. She was so smart and cute…and she was so focused on him…that he knew that she was listening. She was listening to him and…and he had to say stuff. Good stuff. Stuff that she had to remember.

She had to remember him.

"Ok? You're almost done, ok? You're almost done and then you'll have to take a nap and…and then I'll be gone…but I love you. Ok? I love you. Sho loves you. Your big brother Sho loves you." Said Sho as he scraped the last of her baby mush onto her spoon. He brought it up to her mouth and she didn't fight. She didn't swat the spoon away with her hand or kick it away with her feet or even shake her head and screw her mouth shut. She just opened her mouth and ate.

She was such a good baby sister.

He put the spoon down in her little baby bowl and wiped her face with her bib. This one said 'my mom thinks that she's in charge….she's so cute' and it was funny and a lot of her clothes said funny things and she had so many other clothes that said funny things…and he just wished that he could have hung around long enough to read them all. He wished that he could have hung around for long enough to read all of her funny clothes and play with all of her toys and just…make her happy. Make her happy and….and know everything that there was to know about her. He wished that she had just stayed with him and…and then he could have taken care of her.

But she was better off here.

She had a mom who loved her and would never leave. She had adopted her after all. That meant that out of all the babies in the world her mom had picked her. That meant that she was wanted. That meant that her mom would never leave her…and Sho wanted her. Sho wanted her and Sho would never leave her…but he was just a kid. He was just a kid and…and she needed a mom. She needed a mom like he needed a mom…but she was lucky enough to have a mom….

She was the luckiest little baby sis in the whole, wide, world.

"Ok…you're all done…and now…now you have to take a nap and…and I have to go. So…so goodbye baby sis. Big brother…he has to go now…Sho has to go….ok?" asked Sho. He turned his back. He couldn't stand the way she was looking him. She was looking at him like she expected him to be there when she got up. Like she expected that she would be there to play the catch game or draw pictures or go for baby rides in her stroller…or something. Anything. Well he wouldn't be there and…and she would be hurt…if she even remembered him.

Maybe it was better that she didn't remember him.

Maybe it was better that she forgot him. Maybe it was better that she forgot her big brother. She deserved someone who was there all the time…or at least someone who knew when he was going to visit. Maybe her mom would adopt a new big brother for her and a big sister and then she would have people who loved her and could be there for her…and stuff. Stuff like…like being there when she woke up…because there was nothing worse than waking up and the people who…who loved you…the person who loved you….weren't there. They were just gone and…

And he wiped his eyes.

He heard baby sis' mom get up. She was probably going to get up and take baby sis to her room. She had a rocking chair there and her mom rocked her to sleep and told her stories. Sho…he got to do that…he had gotten to do that. She had gotten to go to sleep while he rocked her back and forth and…and she was so happy and…and she had gone to sleep and…

And he could feel her aura on him.

He could feel baby sis's aura on him. She could feel him and he could feel her…and his back was still to her. She could not see him cry. There was no way that he could let her see him just…just crying…because then she would cry. Not the crying she did for attention, not the crying she did when she was hungry, not even the crying she did when her arm got stuck in the paper towel roll even though she loved having her arm stuck in paper towel rolls….

He didn't want her to cry.

He wanted her to smile…so he didn't turn around. Even though he could feel her aura on him…and he could feel her mom moving around the kitchen…and he could see it all through his aura…and he sort of wished that Shimazaki had never taught him how to see with his aura. He wished that Shimazaki had never taught him this…and also he wished that…that Shimazaki didn't dislike sad people so much…and he needed to stop being sad…but he…he just was and…and he couldn't let baby sis see him but…but he knew that she wanted him to turn around and….

"Sho!"

The kitchen shook. Pots and pans fell out of their cabinets. The milk carton on the table tipped over…and it was closed…but even if it wasn't Sho would not have cared. He couldn't care. He couldn't care and he couldn't think. He…he must have been losing his mind. She had…she had….he was losing his mind. He was losing his mind and now he needed to go and see Fukuda to get his brain fixed and…and he had brain worms or ear worms or those insanity worms that he had seen about on the medical channel….

Because he could not have been hearing her correctly.

"Sho!" she did it again. She said his name and…and maybe he didn't have brain worms and ear worms and insanity worms. Maybe….maybe he was hearing her and….and…and he turned around. He knew that his eyes must have been red and his face must have been red and…and his nose must have been red and also all full of boogers…and stuff…and he needed to look happier because…because she deserved that. She deserved someone who could be happy. Who could be happier for her…happy for her when she had finally…finally…finally said….

Her first word.

"Hey kid, someone's trying to talk to you." Said baby sis' mom. Sho wiped his eyes and looked up. Baby sis…she had something in her hand…and she was reaching out towards him. He wiped his eyes again and wiped his nose on his sleeve. She had…she had actually said his name. She had actually said his name and…and he had wanted it for so long and….and now he had what he wanted…

But he didn't feel any better.

"Sho! Sho! Sho, Sho, Sho, Sho, Sho!" said baby sis. She waved her arm at him and…and she was giving him a cookie. Where had she gotten….oh. Her mom was holding the cookie box….and she was sharing with him…either that or baby sis thought that his name was the same as the word for cookie. He'd believe that….he wanted to believe that…

Because this hurt.

Her saying his name hurt. It hurt like a kick to the ribs. She…she was saying his name….he had been teaching her to say his name and now she said it and…and now she would never forget him…but that meant that she would never forgive him. She would remember him and she would never forgive him for leaving her. He loved her so much…the most…the very most…

And she would never forgive him.

He couldn't cry. Even though he felt like he was going to cry, even though he wanted to cry, he was not going to cry. He was not going to make baby sis cry. He would never forgive himself if he made her cry. The last memory that he had of her would not be her crying…and her last memory of him would not be him making her cry. He knew that he would see her again…but he had no clue when. He had no idea when he would see her again and…and they would not end on this…

He wiped his eyes.

"Th-thanks….Mukai. Thanks baby sis….for the cookie and…and for making me your first word. I love you. I….your big brother loves you. Sho….Sho loves you….and I'll see you again later" Said Sho. He took the cookie. He took the cookie and then her mom picked her up and then…and then that was it. That was what happened. She went off to take her nap and he…he had to go now. When she woke up he would be gone….

But at least she knew that he loved her.

He had loved her from the moment they first met. He knew that it made no sense but that was just how he felt. From the moment they met he knew that he loved her and that…that he always wanted to be with her. That was how big sis had felt when he had been born, probably, and he had left her…and now he was leaving baby sis…and maybe that was just what Suzuki's were good at doing. Leaving the people who loved them the most. Maybe he was just doomed to leave and be left or…or something.

He didn't know.

All he knew was that he had a cookie in his hand and he had to go…so that was what he did. He left her apartment and walked down the bright white hallways to where he and Fukuda had been staying….well mostly Fukuda. Sho had only been coming back to sleep. He didn't care about leaving this place, no, he only cared about leaving baby sis….leaving her and…and she would never forgive him….

He almost crushed the cookie in his hand.

He couldn't crush the cookie. He had to save it forever…he put it in his pocket. He had to save that cookie forever because…because it felt like….like this was all he had left of his sister. That was crazy talk, he knew that, but…but that was just how he felt. Like he needed something to remember her by. This wasn't fair…but his life wasn't fair….so this was ok. Life was unfair but at least he got a cookie…a cookie covered in baby droll but still a cookie….

Besides, it wasn't like he was going to eat it.

He kept it in his pocket and opened the door to where he had been staying with Fukuda. His backpack was all packed up and by the door where he left it. He closed his eyes. Fukuda was there too. He kept his eyes closed and let Fukuda get closer. He let him get closer and he did his best to stay calm and not cry…because he couldn't cry. This wasn't so sad…this was a happy day…

He had gotten to hear her first word…he had been her first word…..

He felt Fukuda stop in front of him. He head the heaviness of his footsteps and the sound of his breathing. He could feel and see Fukuda's aura. He couldn't hear it, Shimazaki could hear auras but to Sho they had no sound, and that was good. It made it easier to pretend that he was alone…even though he had no idea why he wanted to be alone. He should have been happy….but he wasn't….

A hand was on his shoulder.

There was some weight and a groan. He could see Fukuda moving. He was knelt down now so he and Sho were the same height. Sho didn't open his eyes. He didn't want to. He knew that if he opened his eyes he would have started to cry. He knew that he could cry with his eyes closed, that he didn't even need eyes to cry, but if he kept his eyes as shut as they could be then….then he could just….just keep his tears inside….

He could keep his tears inside his eyes where they belonged.

"Sho….if you have to cry then you can cry. You can cry if you have to and when you do I'll be right here for you this whole time." Said Fukuda

"I'm not crying…my eyes are just….leaking eye fluid." Said Sho. He kept his eyes closed. This was just a thing that his eyes did. He was not crying. He had no reason to cry. So what if baby sis was going to remember him now? And now she would never forgive him for leaving? He….he had to go. He wasn't the guy who made the rules, he just had to go along with them.

"Are you sure? Because if you poked yourself in both eyes hard enough to start leaking eye fluid everywhere I can fix that right up…but if you're sad then the only cure is to cry it out." Said Fukuda

"….they're my eyes and I'll do what I want with them….and besides, I'm not sad. Baby sis…she finally said my name. She said my name and she gave me a cookie and I'm happy….so there." said Sho

"Ok, then those are happy tears…but if they were sad tears I would completely understand. You're going through a lot. You've been here for weeks and now we're leaving and you have to leave your little sister behind. That's hard and I'm here if you want to talk about it, ok?" said Fukuda

"….can we just go now? Is the car here yet? Can we just take the care to the plane and the plane to England already?" asked Sho

"The car is here but…we have to make a stop on the way out of Seasoning City. I thought we could visit your grandparents' grave again." said Fukuda. Sho opened his eyes now. What was Fukuda on about? He wiped his eyes on his sleeve and didn't are that he ended up getting boogers on his face. No way. He just wanted to go. He was not going to just….just stay here where baby sis lived…and not see her! Especially dead people that he had never met before!

"No way! I just….I want to go. I don't see why I should have to visit them, it's not like they're there. They're dead and they passed on already. Talking them is as pointless and sending emails to mom." Said Sho. Fukuda took a deep breath. He was still down at Sho's level. He could feel Fukuda breathing. He didn't get what was so upsetting. They were dead and gone…and he had never met them in the first place.

"That…was hurtful. Sho…they would have loved to meet you. Even though they're dead they would have loved to meet you. They were…they were good people. They were good people and they would have loved to meet their grandson." Said Fukuda

"But they're dead. They're dead and gone and…and I don't want to be here if I have to be away from baby sis. I don't want to spend time with dead people I don't even know when I have my alive little sister…she's going to….to never forgive me….and I just…I either want to go right now or I don't want to go….and I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. I just want….I want to go." Said Sho. He didn't move and neither did Fukuda. They just looked at each other for a while. He wished that he could read minds. He wished that he knew what Fukuda was thinking…

He was probably thinking about when he and dad were kids.

Sho knew what was coming next. Fukuda would show him around the city and all the places that he and dad had gone to together. The places where they hung out. The places where they had played. Sho…he didn't really care. He didn't care at all. He just…he wanted to be with little sis…and big sis…and his friends…and also his mom even though he knew that dad would never have let him see mom again even if she had been found….because she was a traitor…and he had left baby sis…and now baby sis thought that he was a traitor…because she would get up and he would be gone….

He needed to go…before he went back to her.

"Sho…alright. I….I have a grave to visit but…but if you aren't comfortable coming with them…there's a playground near the graveyard. You can wait for me there. You can wait for me there and…and then after I'm done we can get on the plane and move along…and if at any point you want to talk to me about what happened or how you're feeling then…then you can. No matter where we are or what time it is I will be there for you." Said Fukuda

"…ok. Whatever. Come on, let's go." said Sho. He turned around and out his backpack on. He needed….he needed to go. He needed to get out of here because if he stayed then….then he didn't know what he would do. Run back to baby sis and take her with? Hide under her crib forever? He didn't know. All he knew was that it was so hard to go…

And knowing that she would remember him….that made it even harder.