There for you
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Bansheegirl - Yeah spelling is a real prob for me. I will try harder would help if I had microsoft Word, but alas, I don't. Anywho I'm glad your enjoying it so far and I hope I can make it into your group
LadyVella42 - Wow 0o I feel really privaliged, I've never been in a stories favoutes list before! Wow, that means alot! Thanks
Shelby Cloister - Thanks for the short but kind words! Hope this chapter keeps up the high standards I seem to have set myself.
DanDaMan - Thanks bud. I know I asked you to read it, but I'm glad you liked. I should hope you would tell me if you didn't, but then again, you would'nt read my Lizzie McGuire fic - so I take it you were being honest Yeah and don't spread it around too much, just be privaliged I even let you read it! Lol.
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Chapter 3 - Feelin' low, getting high
The next morning I had never felt worse in my life. My hair was in tangles and my eye makeup had run down my face and was all over my pillow. I gazed around and noticed it wasn't even actually MY pillow. Cassidy was in a heap on the floor in the corner. I recongised this as her room straight away from her Johnny Depp posters spread throughout her room.
I got up, feeling like my head had been used as a football in a Soccor game. I stumbled to the bathroom and looked into the cabinet mirror, pondering what the hell I had done the night before. I remembered going to the party...I remembered talking to Cassidy as she was acting completely weird. I even remembered her friends laughing at me, but I just could'nt for the love of God remember why...
Jesse watched herself wash her makeup off her smudged face and then attempt to get a brush through her hair. Cassidy was snoring heavily in the next room and Jesse noticed the clock on the table saying 12:04 pm. If she remembered rightly her old classes used to start at 9:00 am. She sighed, no wonder she had flunked school so bad... this was the start of her "hookie days". She remembered back then feeling like she didn't need school anymore. In fact, back then, she felt like she didn't need much anymore... just the high - she needed that, her life depended on it.
I remember walking down that long math corridor, completely late and already having missed my first two morning lessons. I remember seeing James walking towards me and I called to him; "Hey Jim! You were'nt at the party last night? I thought you'd be there..." I said as I walked next to him.
He kept his face down and shoved his way through the crowd of students. His reply was gruff. Like he had been crying or stayed awake all night...or both.
"Yeah well, I just wasn't" His coldness shocked me. This was the boy who worshipped the floor I walked on. The guy who I had just spent two years in a Pokemon Bike gang with... he was my best friend. I remember stopping dead in the hall and letting him walk away, feeling like I was about to explode in anger. Somthing I never did. That's right - you heard me right. I NEVER lost my temper when I was younger...
Jesse followed herself unwillingly. The memories that were flooding back to her were ones she really didn't want to remember. Ones that she had gladly placed behind her and forgotten...though admittidly, not by choice. Jesse tried to run down the hall, away from it all... away from herself.
As she ran her vision began to get bright and brighter. Till it hurt her eyes so much she had to stop and shut them. She felt dizzy and let herself fall onto her knees.
"What's going on? I - I don't understand this...why am I doing this to myself?" she could only whisper, but the voidness in which she sat made her whispers echo.
Then in a snap of a finger. She stopped feeling dizzy and the brightness decreased dramatically.
Jesse stood up and opened her eyes, confused as she realised her surroundings were no longer that of the math corridor she had tried to run through. But instead a dormitory. A boys dorm by the loooks of it too... As she moved around the room, she heard laughter from what semed to be a bedroom. Unsure of weither she wanted to go inside or not, she lingered in the living room, until she recognised the laughter to be her own. She shut her eyes, hoping to God she was not doing somthing stupid.
She walked slowly into the bedroom, where herself, Cassidy and two boys were all sitting on the double bed with their backs all leaning on the wall. They all had rolled up joints in their hand, and all smoking it as they chilled and told unfunny jokes...
Jesse watched herself take a long drag and puff out the smoke. It made her feel sick.
I felt relaxed as I sat there with Cassidy, Tom and Sam and for once in my life, I actually felt like I was being considered as cool. I felt like I just HAD to be in that place where I was. In a cool group doing cool stuff and just being...cool. But there was one or two downsides to my new found popularity; 1. James seemed to be avoiding me and 2. I only felt like this while being high. If I was anywhere else, I felt constantly paranoid that people were staring at me or talking behind my back. I felt ugly and began to put more and more makeup on and began to feel fat...
If I wasn't high, I was insecure and withdrawn. I couldn't take a joke because to me there was no difference when the jokes started or ended. I felt like people were making fun of me all the time and I needed a release...so I would start all over agan and if I couldn't...
Jesse noyiced her younger self raise her arm to puff more weed into her body and her baggy t-shirt sleeve dropped down revealing slash marks over her arms. Raw and red, little and large, long and short. She looked away and pulled her Team Rocket sleeve down, glancing at the scars she had left herself. Tears formed in her eyes as she remembered how she had felt when she had done it to herself.
She felt empty. Void. Nothing.
Noone knew her or cared about her, noone understood her and made her feel loved...
The pain would remind myself of how noone wanted or cared for me. The cold knife blade was my freedom... The physical pain would drown away my mental pain. The adrenaline rush kept me in my own state of a high...
Jesse shook her head. Trying to forget, trying to hide the fact it hurt her to remember those feelings - even when there was noone there to lie to, but herself.
Tom and Sam were both saying how much they enjoyed being so relaxed and Cass? Cassidy would just be constantly fidgeting or giggling over nothing. I dunno, it felt stupid to me. But at the same time, it felt like heaven. Like I was at peace and that nothing else mattered in the World.
"Justin's gone home for a holiday with his parents today" Tom said maing conversataion and blowing smoke from his nose.We nodded as acknolagement of hearing him. Then in realisation of what was said, Sam bolted up forward.
"You did get enough stuff to last us the week didn't you?" he asked worriedly. Tom bolted up too a nervous look on his face.
"No, I though you were gonna get some!" he shouted angrily.
Sam grabbed Tom by his shirt and forcefully pinned him against the wall. A threatening look placed on his angry face. I sat up, worried what was gonna happen more so to me, if I didn't get my joint , rather than for the safety of my so called "friend". I felt physically sick and my paranoia began to sink in... I wanted a paper bag, I wanted a knife, I wanted... James.
"What am I gonna do now?" I screamed at them slapping them both out of anger. I felt my hand collide with their faces and tiny stinging sensatsions throbbing in my hand. I had never struck anyone in my life until then. They both looked shocked and then sat quietly in front of me. Cassidy hadn't taken any notice of anyting that had been said or done, jsut stared empty-headed into space...
"Your right Jess. We shouldn't be killing each other..." Sam started as he avoided my gaze. Tom nodded in agreence. "We should be working together to find a subsitute. I'm sure we can come up with somthing..."
I nodded. Glad they were taking my problem seriously. After all, I was the most important person. And I needed it the most...well, in my opinion I did. And I would have probally killed for the stuff if I had been forced to...
A sudden jolt of realisation sprung from deep within the present Jesse, as a cold, cold shiver ran up her spine. Remembering that last thought and remembering how she had ment it she stepped backwards away from the younger Jesse... She felt afraid of the young girl who was sat in front of her. And she knew exactly why she was afaird too. She looked around and caught herself in the mirror...
"I was afraid of you..." she spoke to herself softly as she stepped over to the mirror and set her hand onto it - part of her wondering if it was a link to another World. Another World where maybe, none of this had never happened. She wished she could step into that World... "...so I made it that I wasn't anymore. And to drown you out, I made people fear me...I had to be that very image of fear. But to make people afraid you needed one thing...power. And there was only one person in the World who gave me all the power in the universe. Who worshipped me, who idealised me, who reassured me. My best friend, James..."
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AN: I thought this chapter should be about mainly Jesse, but also have the begining of James and Meowth's plan. Then it got too long and I didn't want to over crowd it. So I'll just add James and Meowth's rescue mission into the begining of the next chapter...Oh and don't worry...she won't always be asleep!
Hurry people! REVIEW!
Nikki-Vixen