Sho considered himself to be a very good little brother.

He never hit his sister anymore, or yelled at her, or made her feel bad in any way. He did his best to listen to her when she bossed him around, went to bed at his bedtime without much of a fight, and sometimes ate his salad. He was a good little brother, a better little brother than he had been before, but just because he was a good little brother now that did not mean he could slack off. Being a good little brother meant always trying to do better, be better, and make things better. Even if that meant doing the unthinkable.

Play the Shoko game.

Play the Shoko game but worse. So much worse. There was a whole new step to the Shoko game that he had never imagined would come. Ever. He still had to put on a dress for this game only this time he wasn't in one of her costume dresses, no, he was just….in blue dress. Just a normal blue dress. A costume would have been better. A costume would have been, well, a costume. This was actual clothes…but that wasn't what was bothering him the most. No, he also had a cat ears headband on, clip on blue earrings, a blue Frozen necklace, and his nails were blue and glittery….but all of that didn't come close to being as bad as what she was doing to him now.

She was practicing her makeup.

She was painting her face. She had poured some skin colored paint, she had called it foundation, into her hands and then patted them all over his face. From his forehead to his chin she had covered him in so much skin colored paint that he feel it seeping down into his veins and blood stream. If she were to cut him open right now skin colored paint would come out. She was trying to cover up his freckles…and he had never liked his freckles…but he had never wanted to put on MAKEUP! Sure he had painted himself when he had been little…but this was different. This was MAKEUP!

But he loved big sis.

For big sis he would endure anything. Even big sis smearing skin colored paint all over his face. Sho wouldn't have minded so much if this had been the last of it. It wasn't, though, because she had covered the whole bathroom counted in paints and powders and pencils and crayons and books of colors, sort of like his books of water colors, and also brushes and round sponges and little cotton circles and cotton balls and…and a whole bunch of other stuff, too. Stuff that he didn't think that anyone ever needed, at this point just buy a mask, but if this was what would make her happy then he would sit through this.

Even though he wasn't the biggest fan of this.

It felt, almost, like when he got water on his face. Not as bad, though, because it didn't drip. It didn't drip from his head like he'd been pulled out of…and it didn't get in his eyes and ears and mouth like he had been put back in….but this wasn't as bad. This was just…wet. It was wet but she said that it would dry. She just had to finish….whatever it was that she was doing. Covering up his freckles. Make sure that not a single one could be seen.

It was sort of nice.

He looked up at himself in the mirror. His skin was….normal. No more dark spots. Sho'd always had freckles all over his face. People had always stared at him or tried to touch them….one time a teacher in preschool had tried to get them off with lemon juice…that had been the worst…but now…now he looked like everyone else. Well not that he was the only person in the world with freckles, obviously, he had gotten them from dad. Redheads got freckles, that said, because that was just how it went. Dad was a redhead too, his hair had just gotten darker as he got older he'd told Sho once when he was little, and Sho had been…it had felt good. He had hoped that his hair would darken to black and then his freckles would disappear and then nobody would ever put lemon juice on him again….shit burned like a mother fucker….but of course there was no chance of that happening.

He was who he was.

His kids would probably have red hair and freckles just like he did. He'd gotten this from his dad and then his kids would get this, the red hair and freckles, from him…him and Emmy too, probably, since she was his girlfriend and it didn't seem like she was planning on breaking up with him at any point. So his kids would deal with all the staring and touching and lemon juice like he'd had to….

Or not because he would be the king of the world by then.

By the time he grew up, got married, and had kids dad would either be really old or really dead. That meant that he would inherit the world and then…and then he could decide that freckles were normal. Yeah! Then nobody would ever make his kids feel weird! Then people would have to draw freckles onto themselves instead of hiding them under skin colored pain!

It would be awesome.

"Sho, hold still. This is the most important part and I don't want to mess up." Said big sis as she rubbed more of the skin colored paint onto him.

"I think that you're done. I can't see any of my freckles anymore." Said Sho. She took her hands off of his face and then stared at him.

"I think so too. OK….so that's step one. Minori says that you shouldn't be able to see any of your skin at all…and I think I got that right….so now I have to…um….let me think for a minute it's a lot of steps." Said big sis. Sho was going to wipe this off if she didn't get this show on the road…and that was a jerk thought to have. She was doing this because she had to practice…and she liked makeup….and he had been kind of a jerk to her friend on her birthday….so this was what he had to do to make it up to her…to be a good little brother.

"Come on, do something already." Said Sho with a groan. He had sounded like sort of a jerk but sounding like a jerk was better than wiping all of her hard work off of his face.

"Um…ok. Now I remember. Now it's time for concealer…but your freckles are already covered….but a step is a step." Said big sis as she started to pick up crayons from on the table. She picked them up, held them up to his face, and then put them back down. She was trying to match colors…he knew how to do that….well he did with drawing. He didn't want to wear makeup but he was a good little brother…and he liked making big sis happy….so that was what he was going to do.

"You should pick a color that's the same as the paint you used…and also crayon doesn't stay on paint until it dries." Said Sho. He knew about drawing and painting and stuff. This was sort of like drawing and painting and stuff….but just for girls. This wasn't for boys and he was a boy….but he was going to be a good little brother and go through this. He had no idea why girls liked this, it was sort of itchy and sticky feeling, but girls were incomprehensible.

Shimazaki had said so.

He had said that girls were complicated and that was ok. Guys were easier to understand, he had said, because he thought the same way they did…even though nobody thought the way Shimazaki did. He was always trying to have fun and nothing ever bothered him, not even when he did stuff that he knew would get him in trouble. Little stuff like throwing rocks at people and teleporting away or switching fish out of aquariums or tying birds to strings and trying to walk them like dogs…well fly them like dogs…if dogs could fly….and stuff….

Shimazaki didn't care about what people thought.

Not about the big stuff, either. Sho knew something about him, something that should have been a secret, but something that was not a secret. He didn't care if Sho or anyone else knew that he liked guys. Well he liked girls and boys….which was….not something that he should have gone around telling people. Because then people would know and then they would make fun of him…and Sho never wanted anyone to make fun of his friend…and also….also…also you just…you weren't supposed to feel that way. But he did…well of course he did. He didn't care at all what other people thought of him. He just did things because he felt like it. He just acted…the way he acted…because he wanted to act like that…and….and….

And Sho wished….

Sho didn't know what he wished. For his sister to hurry up with doing his makeup, maybe? She was holding up different bottles of paint, a different kind of paint she had said, and now she was trying to match it to his skin even though he had no clue what it was for. He already couldn't see his freckles anymore. He didn't know what she was trying to hide now. His face was already sticky and she was going to make it stickier and Shimazaki hated sticky. He said that sticky, well sticky and slimy, were his least favorite feelings. If he were to touch Sho now-

-which he would never do.

Sho wasn't….he wasn't someone who Shimazaki liked like that. Sho may have possibly been in love with him maybe just a little bit but he didn't feel the same way. He just…didn't want Sho. He wanted him for a friend and only a friend. It wasn't because he was only ten, he had liked big sis when she had been ten, so maybe….it hurt. Thinking of…of how Shimazaki might have been able to tell that there was something wrong with Sho. That he had been born wrong. That he had been born wrong and this wrongness meant that people could just leave him or hate him….everyone but big sis. She loved him and she would always love him…

And that was why he let her cover his skin in this stuff.

"Ok, now your freckles are covered….not that there's anything wrong with them. It's just that you have to cover up everything in your skin that doesn't match. Spots and stuff…freckles are the 'stuff'…and stuff. You look really nice." Said big sis. Sho didn't think that he did…but he didn't say anything. He didn't look like himself. He looked like what he would have looked like if he had been a girl. He used to think about it, what life would have been like if he had been a girl, and he had decided that it would have sucked. Hell, this sucked. He hated this dress, bottoms needed legs, and he hated how the headband felt on his head and the jewelry was annoying and the nails…well he sort of liked the nails, but still! This would have been a lot to have to go through every single day.

He didn't get it.

Shimazaki said that he couldn't see it when a girl was wearing makeup. He could smell it when he got close enough, and Sho didn't want to think about the times when he had been close enough to smell if a girl was wearing makeup, and that he didn't really care about it. He was blind after all. He said that what he really liked, the only makeup that he cared about, was when girls wore those flavored chap sticks. He said he liked those a lot and…and Sho had been ready to break something when he'd said that…but also he had wished that he could have been a girl so he could have word flavored chapstick…

He wondered if big sis had any flavored chapsticks.

He hated himself for thinking about that. Shimazaki would never want to kiss him. Shimazaki….he had already gotten beaten up by dad hard enough that he had been coughing up blood…and Sho didn't want to know what dad would have done to Shimazaki if he had kissed Sho…and also Sho didn't know what dad would have done to him if he found out that Sho liked boys instead of….AND. He liked boys AND girls.

Because he was supposed to like girls.

He had a girlfriend and she was a nice person so, of course, he would marry her and whatever else she wanted. He had a girlfriend and he should not have been thinking cheating thoughts like this while he was her boyfriend. Some people liked both…and he could admit to himself that he liked both….because sometimes people liked both. That was what Shimazaki had said and he'd had no reason to lie. Sho…he was one of those people. He really was! Not that he knew who he was arguing with. He was. He…he really was. He was just….he was and also…he was just thinking cheating thoughts about Shimazaki because…um….he wasn't going to cheat on his girlfriend! He just….he had spent a long time thinking about…about how Shimazaki would have been able to like him if he had been a girl and now he was dressed up like and a girl and-and-and-

And he was not going to cheat on his girlfriend!

"Sho? Are you ok? We can play something else if you want. I like to play this with you but we can do something else. You don't have to get mad." Said big sis. He felt like crap. He shouldn't have been arguing with himself and he shouldn't have worried her and…and he was a good little brother and he would keep on being a good little brother.

"No, this is fine. Just do the next step already." Said Sho

"Ok. Now over all of that I have to put foundation powder…and I know it looks like a lot but Minori said that I have to put it all on at once." Said big sis. Sho stuck his tongue out at the mention of Minori. He remembered her. She was such a bitch. She was such a….well he just didn't like her. Kissing her had been the worst kiss of his entire life…and he was counting the time when he had been four and that girl from his preschool that had always been chasing him around trying to kiss him and then one time she did during playtime and everyone had laughed at him….kissing Minori had been worse than that…not that he was going to be telling his sister about that. No way! She already knew too much because Minori had to go around talking about stuff….stupid Minori…..

"Sho, don't do that. It isn't nice." Said big sis

"Sorry." said Sho. He was right to do that, Minori was a bitch, but he didn't want to start with big sis. Not when she was this happy. Even though her friend really was a bitch.

"It's ok, now hold still. This is the last foundation layer. After this I do the bronzer and the blush and then the highlighter and then the eye shadow and eye liner and mascara and then the setting powder and then we'll be all done and you'll look so pretty." Said big sis. Sho eyed all the stuff on the bathroom counter. He was going to be eleven by the time she was done with this….but he was making her happy and nothing could be better than making his own big sis happy. He was a good little brother after all and this was what a good little brother did….

Also maybe a good big brother if baby sis ever ended up putting on makeup.

He hoped that the next time he saw her she was still too little to put on makeup. He hoped that the next time he saw her she was still a baby. He hoped that by the next time he saw her big sis was better at keeping a secret. Then he could tell her. He knew that she missed baby sis. He knew that sometimes she slept with baby sis's little baby sock in her hand. He knew that baby sis was probably going to end up forgetting big sis no matter how many pictures he drew. He also knew that there was nothing that he could do about that unless big sis got a lot better at keeping secrets…but she couldn't keep a secret to save her life. So he would have to keep baby sis a secret…..and he just…..there were so many things that….

He had to try his best to be a good little brother…

"That all sounds great, big sis, just great. Now get back to work." Said Sho as he stared at himself in the mirror. She had said that he would end up looking pretty. If anything he looked way too pale…but he wasn't going to say anything. He didn't know what she was even trying to do. He had seen mom do stuff like this before. He knew that there were a lot of steps to it, he had no idea what any of those steps were for, but he knew that it was complicated. No wonder she needed to practice. He wished that baby sis had been there. Then big sis would have had a real girl to practice on. They could have done all of this girl stuff together and stuff….

But she had her new mom now.

Baby sis had a mom and he was trying his best to be happy for her. She had a mom and her mom had picked her out of all the other people in the whole world to adopt. That meant that she was loved and that she would always be loved. She would have been loved in their family, if she had been Suzuki Mukai, but she was loved where she was too. Sagami Mukai. That was her name. Sagami. Not Suzuki. She was happier as a Sagami than she ever would have been as a Suzuki. If she had been a Suzuki she would have had no mom and she would have had to deal with dad. She didn't have a dad now but there were a bunch of guy Scars there so her mom could pick one out and marry him. He didn't see why she needed a dad. Dads were for providing for the family and keeping the moms and the kids safe. Well baby sis's mom did all of that. She didn't need a dad…especially not one like his. Even though she had gone to someone else and he would hardly get to see her, and big sis wouldn't ever get to see her at all, she was still better off…and he was selfish…he was selfish to want her to be there with them. He was selfish to wish that she had been in the room making a mess out of everything like she liked to do or hitting him with her happy baby fists or throwing things for him to catch or….or anything…

She was better off where she was.

"I think that you'd be better off with a little bronzer and a lot of blush. Really pink blush, I think, this color. It's called bubblegum storm. What do you think?" asked big sis. Baby sis was better off not getting painted up with something called 'bubblegum storm' that was for sure. That was way too pink. He knew about colors. He knew that since he was so pale the pink would stick out too much. He was like a stark white piece of paper. He needed something warmer or it would stick out and stuff and then everyone would stare at the pink instead of everything. You had to balance color. How could she not know that?

Well maybe makeup was different than drawing.

He knew about drawing, he knew about art, but she knew about makeup. She was the girl after all. If he had actually been Shoko instead of Sho then he would have known about this stuff too. He was a boy and he didn't have to….and he was so lucky that he didn't have to know about all of this. It would have been pointless anyway since Ryou was blind….and also because he would have been super pretty if he'd been a girl and then it would have been ok for guys to like him and for him to have wanted guys to like him and then dad wouldn't have been all 'you have to continue the bloodline' even though there were already so many people called Suzuki and then Shimazaki could have picked him up and kissed him and-

-and things that he was not going to think about.

Things that he wasn't even sure about. His brain always cut out when he got to the part where Shimazaki picked him up and kissed him. He knew that stuff came next…and he knew that if Shimazaki ever asked him to do that stuff then he probably would….but he had no idea what that stuff was. Also if Shimazaki ever liked him that much…enough to want any of that…then he would break up with his girlfriend first. That way he wouldn't be a cheater. It was less hurtful to tell someone the truth than to play with their trust like that. Trusting people was hard and once you had someone's trust then you had to take care of it and never break it. So he would never cheat on anyone…not that Shimazaki would ever like him like that….like him…..

Like him back.

"I can use a different color if you want, you don't have to get upset. Here, see? I have all of these colors. You pick whichever one you want." Said big sis. Sho was grateful that she couldn't read minds…and also that she was as clueless as she was. She had no idea what went on in his head, how he felt, any of that. Good. She could never know. She could never even suspect. She had to…she was happy and he wasn't going to make her unhappy. He was going to make sure that she was happy and he was going to be a good little brother….

And he was going to go along with this because it made her happy.

"Use that one, the soft pink. It's less of a contrast." Said Sho. She got right to work painting him up. He had no idea why she was painting him in pink. She had just gotten through painting him in brown, he had no idea why the edges of his face needed to be brown but they were, and now she was painting his cheeks all pink….and he just….well it made her happy. He was making her happy and that was what mattered. She looked happy. She was smiling and her aura felt happy and she just…she was having a good time. How many games of target practice did she play with him? How many times did he hit her or pull her hair or break her dolls? How many times did he yell at her? How many secrets was he keeping from her? How many big secrets? He could sit through this if it meant that she was happy…

And she was happy.

Once she was done with the blush, it looked more like powdered sunburn to him, she went over to one of her piles on the counter. He had no idea what was coming next. She had listed out all the steps and he hadn't really been paying too much attention. All he knew was that this was going to take a long time. He didn't know why she did this. Hatori wasn't cute at all. He should have been grateful that big sis even gave him the time of day. If anyone needed makeup it was him…but Sho had to be nice. One day big sis would take him back and then they would be brothers…or something.

That wouldn't have been too bad.

He knew some great games. Sho had no idea how he could have gone so long without playing Animal Crossing. There were other games in the series and he wanted to play them all….even though he had just started this one….and, yeah. Hatori knew good games. He was also nice and, yeah, he was a scaredy cat but big sis could protect him. He just needed to be a better boyfriend so she would want to be his girlfriend. She was putting all of this work into herself when he was just sitting around playing videogames and eating Doritos. Girls weren't complicated. You just had to tell them that they were petty, give them gifts, and talk to them like you would to another guy. Then they kissed you and agreed to being your girlfriend and stuff. Also you had to take baths and stuff. Hatori just needed to work harder, that was all, and then he would end up married to big sis and she would be happy….and stuff.

Also Sho wouldn't even beat her up even though once they started going out he would kiss her and probably touch her boobs, too, because he was older and stuff…disgusting….but since that was what big sis wanted he wouldn't beat Hatori up even a little bit.

It wouldn't be too bad when big sis ended up getting back together with Hatori.

"Hold still. Now I have to do the highlighter…and I think that this liquid high lighter would work best because it's the stickiest….so hold still." Said big sis. Sho did what she asked of him. He wondered if Emmy would start doing all of this for him….he hoped that she didn't. He didn't care if she wore makeup and also….also he wasn't worth it. When he was near her he didn't get the goldfish feeling in his stomach at all. He never daydreamed about what it would be like to kiss her or anything like that. He never sat in a fort and imagined that the world was ending and because there were bombs and zombies outside it was ok to kiss her…because it was ok to kiss her. He had kissed her a million times already. It was ok to kiss her…and stuff….

And he should have wanted to.

So he hoped that she never went through this kind of effort for him. He hoped that nobody ever went through this kind of effort. There was a whole other layer to this. Now big sis was putting this white stuff on his nose and his cheeks and his eyes and above his mouth and across his forehead…actually it was kind of cool how shiny he looked…and he sort of wished that she had left the shiny stuff on instead of taking another one of her weird sponges to it…but this was ok. She was ok. All of this was ok. He looked….he looked less shiny but that was ok. Actually it looked sort of like he had taken someone else's face and was wearing it like a mask….but not in the cool movie way…and he wished that it had been in the cool movie way…..but this was fine too….

She must have been almost done, anyway, because this stuff was starting to melt off it felt like.

She put the cream down and went back to the counter. She went over to her color books and picked up two. Those were the ones that Minegishi had gotten her for her birthday. They should have kept it for themselves. Then they could have drawn on some eyebrows and went out and found a guy who wasn't Ryou and then they could have left him alone instead of always trying to talk to him and be with him and stuff. Didn't they know that you had to give people a minute to themselves sometimes? They could be so annoying. They were always 'Ryou, do something about this' and 'Ryou, put that snake back where it came from' and 'Ryou, croquet wasn't meant to be played inside' and 'Ryou, stop tormenting Hatori you're giving him psychological issues that'll follow him to the grave' and stuff like that.

Honestly.

What was their problem? Shimazaki liked to have fun and he didn't like someone always telling him what to do all the time. Minegishi was so bossy all the time. Bossy and boring and mean. Also they had no eyebrows and that was weird. Also like Fukuda said they had really little boobs and that was probably why nobody else wanted to be with them. So really Shimazaki shouldn't have bothered with them. He should have told them to fuck off instead of always talking to them and kissing them and touching them and laying his head down in their lap and doing whatever it was that they did together to make their aura get all tangled up like that….and also why was their hair lavender? They knew that Ryou didn't know what color even was!

Honestly.

"Do you want Elsa or Anna? I think Anna because you look best in warm tones but it's up to you." Said big sis. Sho didn't want to be painted up in anything that Minegishi had given big sis. He just wanted this to be done with…and also he wanted Shimazaki to come back from wherever he had gone to today…but also not because whenever they hung out Sho….he thought about stuff….stuff that he knew that he should not have been thinking about….and stuff.

Kissing thoughts.

Cheating thoughts.

Thoughts about what it would be like if he and Shimazaki were the last two people in the world and…and then with dad dead it would have been ok for them to….to be together and…and stuff….

Thoughts that he should not have been having. He needed….he needed to figure out some way to just….to just stop thinking. He needed to think of something else. He needed to think about…about all of this complicated stuff that big sis was doing to him…and stuff. Maybe this was why girls did this. He knew how girls were, how they were always falling in love and stuff, and they probably did this stuff so they could focus on something other than the feeling of having a live goldfish in their stomachs…and stuff.

He hated that stupid goldfish.

But it was swimming in his stomach now. He looked at himself in the mirror. He had thought that maybe if he looked at himself and saw how different eh looked, and thought about how much he hated this whole game, that he would stop feeling like this….but now all he could think about was how he used to imagine how if he had been a girl then Shimazaki would have liked him and…and how they would have been just….all the ways that they would have been. All of the fun stuff they would do. They would still mess with people and pet dogs and build forts and climb trees and stuff but Shimazaki would….well the things that Sho thought about he would think about too…and it would have been ok….and….and….

And he needed to stop thinking about this.

"The Elsa one because I know that she's your favorite. Now hurry up, I feel like this stuff is melting." Said Sho. He pointed to the Elsa colors. He didn't much want to look like Elsa but he knew that Elsa was her favorite out of everyone. He knew that painting him up like Elsa would make her happy and….and he owed her that much after everything that he had put her through….and was still putting her through.

"That means that you have enough on. Minori said that once you start to feel like a melting candle you're almost done." Said big sis. Sho didn't think that was true, he couldn't imagine that anyone could stand to feel like this all day every day, but he said nothing. He also said nothing when she mentioned that bitch Minori…especially the part where he thought that she was a bitch. Well she was a bitch and a bastard and also a liar…but he was not going to tell big sis that Minori had lied about the whole kissing thing. That whole night wasn't anything that he wanted to talk about with anyone let alone his own big sister.

He didn't even like to think about that.

That whole night was a secret from everyone. It had to be. He knew that big sis loved him but also….also that night was his and his alone. He didn't even like to think about it, the way that kissing Hideki had felt so…so good. The way that he had never even imagined that kissing someone could ever feel good. The way that he sometimes thought about it when he was all alone at night. She just…she would always love him but….but this was not a part of his life he wanted to talk about. She didn't know his secret, she didn't need to know any of his secrets, and…and as much as he just wanted to get these secrets off of his chest…he just couldn't.

A good little brother did not tell his big sister things that he knew would hurt her.

"Whatever, just do whatever you have left to do and then we can….play with that big dollhouse or something." Said Sho. There would be less time to think if they played with that dollhouse dad had gotten her….or at least he would be able to think about something else….like how dad had forgotten her birthday too…even though good little brothers did not think about…about how now she would know how it felt to have dad forget about her….because those were jerk thoughts to have and he was done having jerk thoughts.

"Ok. Thank you for playing this with me today….it means a lot to me. I know how much you don't like this and just….the fact that you would do this for me really means a lot. I love you, Sho." said big sis

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love you too. Now paint me already." Said Sho. Big sis didn't say anything else after that. She just put blue on his eyes. Well first white and then blue on the lids, purple in the outer corners, and then black in the back to make his eyes pop, she had said, and then glitter on top of that…and he didn't say anything but he didn't think that he looked much like Elsa. The bright red lipstick she put on him at the end didn't help either.

It really didn't.

It looked like he had ripped someone's throat out with his teeth…and not in the cool way. He looked like he had taken someone's face, dipped it in wax, and then put it on over his own face….and he didn't say anything. Nothing mean, anyway, because he knew how much this meant to her. That was why he did this, because it meant a lot to her. He owed her big time. He owed her for everything that he'd put her through over the years, for all the secrets he had been keeping, and for whatever secrets he would end up keeping from her in the future.

He had been a pretty bad little brother over the years…but he was changing now. Now he was trying his best to be a good little brother…and he hoped that his best was good enough.