Author's Notes: These next few chapters took me over a month to write, it was torture. I went back and forth repeatedly, some days managing to only edit 2 sentences, not really sure of how much detail I should include in this part of the story. As it turns out, it's become a kind of erotic novel – so I'd classify it as NC-17, if readers still remember what that is (explicit, but no weird stuff). I've read a few M-rated stories here and this is definitely NOT it. If you are susceptible, please DO NOT read this. As a non-American, I've lived in a different culture when it comes to this stuff, but I do realise that fanfiction is American and that most readers are probably American, so the caveat is there. I've only very recently discovered that your story disappears from the normal list of stories if you class it as M. Enough said. Or the way morgue scenes are portrayed in American vs. European TV shows. Most interesting, the cultural differences.
As for why… well, I guess if I'm detailed in other parts, this is an equally important one, right? I did not write a sex scene just for the kick of it – as, without context and proper buildup, they are mere boring, technical sentences without any interest at all. I hope I managed to intersperse the sex parts with the emotions and conflict going on inside them, as this is a pivotal part of the tale. That, for me, is the really challenging and important part to move the story along.
As Steve's mouth seeks Catherine's in a frenzied attack, she's is still so mad at him, her reaction is to push him away. Hands on his torso, she yells an irate "I don't want you" at Steve, which takes him by surprise by the sheer aggressiveness of it. She's trying to fight him tooth and nail on this, and her whole body has gone rigid with anger. However, he's stronger than her and simply moves his hands from her cheeks to her upper arms, gripping her, stopping her from putting distance between them, eyes never leaving hers. Steve feels confident that he's read the situation correctly and his mind suddenly wanders back to all the tension that had been building up between them, in Montana and Afghanistan, images running in a loop, in his head - the looks and smiles, the brushes of skin on skin, the hugs, the smells, the memories she progressively awoke in him, now coming to an explosive end. Emboldened by the feelings he has finally allowed to surface, synapses in his brain firing on all cylinders, he throws her a dead-serious look and whispers, huskily:
"One way or another, you're mine, tonight. We've been dancing around each other for too long, now," as he lowers his right hand and lays it on her hip, possessively, in an attempt at holding her in place, apprehensive about her reaction.
There it is, that weightless want that has slowly been crushing her insides for weeks. Catherine curses inwardly, feeling the inevitableness of what's about to happen, like a gravitational pull reeling her in. She looks up at him and suddenly, her eyes know, her face betrays her... she's tired. Of denying that there's still a strong attraction between them, of ignoring her own desire, of refusing to acknowledge that she wants this man, so very much. She's tired of waiting, really. However, despite the million feelings coursing through her from this one kiss, making her dizzy and lightheaded, there is a single thought in her head: he's taken. She can't conciliate that knowledge with the fact that he's here, wanting her, too, and that's leaving her off kilter, angry at herself, even. But taking one more look at him, she knows there's no going back, they've both reached the point of no return. Maybe just for tonight, under the cover of darkness, she can finally… feel good, outside world be damned.
While this struggle is going on inside Catherine's mind, Steve hesitates, never letting go; she's not exactly a blushing maiden, but the last thing he wants is to offend or unnerve her. He continues to fix his stare on Catherine, suspended in time, when suddenly, she exhales forcefully and flutteringly diverts her look to his lips for a millisecond. At that moment, his doubts over whether she's angry or aroused dissipate – the fast succession of shallow pants, the strong thrumming of blood through her brachial artery, her otherwise pale face flushed, lips red and swollen from his desperate kiss - courtesy of the dim light in the hallway. He leans forward again, slowly, giving her time to move away and lowers his mouth to hers, tentatively, hoping not to be rejected again. Steve brushes his lips over Catherine's very gently, wanting to taste them, tilting his head to the left, eyes still open, looking for her reaction. Suddenly, she's no longer pushing him away and Steve gently grabs her lower lip into his mouth and sucks, using the tip of his tongue to delve into her mouth.
He takes his time kissing her, and she closes her eyes, concentrating on the feeling, electricity shooting a shiver down her spine, straight to the middle of her legs. She can taste the wine on his lips, inebriating her, and they feel so soft and warm, sweet and comforting, it's like finally coming home. While kissing him, Catherine runs the tips of her fingers gently over his scalp, and then tugs at his hair. Steve's small sounds and pleasure moans goad her to pull harder, and quickly let go, the playful tease driving him crazy. She plants a very soft kiss in the small groove above his lips, right before running her tongue down it, to meet his upper lip. Lowering his left arm to grab her bottom, he mimics her actions as he sneaks up his right to entangle his fingers in her hair, pulling slightly, showing dominance. This feels so right, Steve has a sense of elation. He can hardly believe he is kissing her, right at this moment. After years of skirting around each other, he has finally acted on his feelings, and although he knows that they must really talk, right now he needs to show her how much he has missed her. No words can express how much he wants her right now, but feeling the need to come up for some air, he looks her deep in the eye, whispering:
"Do you have any idea how much you turn me on? How alive I feel, right now?"
Every fiber of her being craves his touch. She reaches up and pulls him down to her, and the rest of his words are lost against her mouth. He kisses her again, delicately, tentatively, but she doesn't want gentleness right now, so she pulls on his shirt, bringing him harder against her. He groans softly, low in his throat, urgently pulling her bottom half to him, wanting to feel her body against his; curve against curve, skin on skin, unable to suppress the feeling of exhilaration invading his body. Catherine is equally lost to the world, electrified by his touch; despite her promises to herself, she can't resist him. His presence was the last thing she had expected tonight, but right now, with her brain fog, all coherent thought has fled her mind. All she knows is that he's making her feel like she hasn't felt in over three years, and not just because she hasn't been intimate with another man since. Steve is… Steve. He has always had a mesmerizing effect on her, and right now, she feels like a teenager being kissed for the very first time. To be honest, she doesn't want this feeling to stop, and since she can't even feel most of her body parts, right now, she wouldn't even know where to start. So she just goes with the flow and stops resisting him, moving her hands under his arms, to rest on his shoulders and keep him glued to her. As soon as he feels her giving in to him completely, Steve moves his left hand down to her thigh, and slowly raises it, joining the other hand there and cupping her bottom, carefully. Catherine's instinctive reaction is to jump onto his lap, wrapping her legs around his waist, never breaking contact with his mouth, shivering at his touch. She's desperate for more, and even her bruised hip is no hindrance. All the feelings she kept bottled up all these years come tumbling out, making her lose whatever tenuous control she thought she might be able to hold on to.
Their kiss goes on, urgent, desperate, out of control. With a groan of surrender, she lets him slip his tongue inside her mouth, rubbing hers. He pulls out, then slowly delves back in, with the tip, mimicking what he wants his body to be doing to hers. The taste of him silences all her thoughts, stomach twisting in a knot, knees melting, muscles turned to jell-O, breath out of control and her body dissolves into his, fingers nervously gripping his hair, pulling him closer.
"Now deny you want this," Steve says in a husky voice, piercing eyes on her. He's fought her for dominance and won, and he knows it. The rush he feels is like nothing he can remember.
Catherine lowers her eyes, fully aware of what's coming and unable to push him away. Still with his hands on her bottom, but needing more leverage for what he's dying to do, Steve quickly moves to the living room door jamb and, moving his left hand to her back to protect her and propping the right on the surface, pushes them both against it with a dry thud. His move empties the air out of Catherine's lungs and she exhales and hisses, startled, eyes wide, body stiffened, trying to ignore the pain radiating from her hip. He stops and stares, worried about her injuries, but she just looks at him with hunger in her eyes, so he kisses her hard and deep again, tongues engaged in dance, teasing and driving them wild. Pressing himself against her and shoving his hips between her legs, he pins her to the wall, releasing his hand from the door and burying it in her hair.
His move only serves to egg her on even further, and she reaches for his shirt collar and rips the sides apart aggressively, releasing all the buttons onto the floor, his manly smell attacking her nostrils. She looks him deep in the eye, breathing heavily, not sure what he'll do next, hoping he got the message. Steve is so turned on, he can't think straight anymore. He looks at her reverently, intensely, as though she may disappear from his field of vision and become nothing more than a desert mirage and crashes his mouth against her lips again in a searing kiss, entwining his tongue with hers once again. All he can think is that, at some point, they'll need to come up for air, but right now, he just wants to stay like this indefinitely. While he embraces her, mentally registering the feel of her hard nipples, his right hand slides up her skin to her bra and he pushes it up, releasing her breasts from their fabric confinement. Surprised at the feather-light touch of his fingers on her body, she pulls back, looking him deep in the eye. Steve cups her cheek, sighing, sorry for time lost, and Catherine leans into his palm and closes her eyes, a lone tear falling, in a tender display of love.