Suzuki liked it when his Son drew pictures.
Drawing pictures kept him quiet. That was the best part of it. When he drew he sat down quietly and didn't say anything or do anything. When he had been young, when he had been a baby, it had terrified Suzuki when Son had been still and quiet. He had been so small and he could have spontaneously died, babies did that, so when he had been still and quiet as a baby Suzuki would poke him or shake him awake and then he crying would start again and while the crying was terrible the thought of his Son having had spontaneously died was worse.
He could appreciate the silence now.
Son was sitting up at the table drawing something and eating some kind of truly disgusting looking breakfast pastry. Daughter had gone next door, that was why there wasn't breakfast on the table, and he was tempted to tell her to come back home where he could watch her and also where she could make breakfast, because she was an amazing cook, but he let her be. They spent time together on Sundays and this was not a Sunday.
So it was just him and Son in the house.
Daughter was next door…and she…things were better when she was there. She could be there to talk to him and to talk to Son…and to deal with Son. She was the only one who could deal with him. Suzuki had no patience for the Boy. He'd never had any patience for the boy. Not when he had been small and not now. When he'd been a baby…things had been easier when he had been a baby. The constant crying was annoying and the mess was almost unbearable but he'd had Masami to deal with all of that. Son had been a baby and he'd had an excuse, at least, for being nothing more than a collection of wailing needs. That had been easier to understand. Son was still a collection of needs. His needs just went beyond being fed and changed and spoken to and rocked until he fell asleep. When he had been a baby it had been understandable.
He wasn't a baby anymore.
He was a child now. A ten year old boy. He had a ten year old boy. Half of his genes. Half of him and half of Masami…and he was nothing like either of them. He was messy. He was loud and messy and a handful…and Suzuki did not want to deal with a handful. They were father and Son. They were father and Son…and he had no idea how they could even be father and Son. Son looked like him. The same gravity defying red hair, though Son kept his longer, and the same blue eyes…the pale skin…the freckles…the red aura….that was his Son. Somehow that was his Son sitting right there drawing….something
Suzuki liked it when his Son drew.
Not just because he was quiet when he drew….though that was a plus…but also because he was an amazing artist. He had never been able to draw, not like that, and neither had Masami. Son was somehow half of him and half of Masami…and he could draw like that. Suzuki wanted to get closer. Suzuki wanted to get closer, to stand behind Son and see what he had been coming up with now, but he didn't. Suzuki had never liked being close to him. Even on the day he had been born, on the day he had been placed into his arms, he had felt terror….unending terror. Terror because the baby in his arms had almost killed his wife, terror for the fact that he'd brought another human being into the world, and terror because he had no idea what he was supposed to do with this new human. The terror had come first but then Masami had put her hand over his…and everything had felt like it was going to be alright…
Obviously he had been wrong to feel that way.
Obviously things were not alright. Obviously there had been something that he should have foreseen that day…or in any of the days that followed. He should have seen the signs or…or the something…there must have been something that could have told him that she was going to leave and that Son was going to become….Son. Masami had left and she had left none of herself in their Son and now he had their Son and…and he had no idea what he was supposed to DO with him. Well he knew what would become of Son, he would inherit the world once Suzuki was done with it, and…and that was the future. He had no idea what he was supposed to do with his Son right now at this moment in time. Daughter wasn't there. She always knew what to do.
She was so much like Masami in that way.
But she was not Masami. She was there, first of all, and second of all she was his Daughter. She was his Daughter and he loved her but he did not love her in the same way that he had loved Masami and he could not love her in the same way because she was his child. She was his child and…and she was so much more than that. Son was his child. Son was a person who he had made and who he was obligated to take care of until he grew up and then he served his purpose. Daughter…she was so much more than his child. She was his companion. He loved being with her, speaking to her, hearing her speak. Learning the world that was within her. The things that made her smile, the things that made her laugh, the things that mattered to her…she was…
As close to his equal as a human being could get.
She was almost his equal. He loved her. He planned on sharing his life with her….he was sharing his life with her. She was his child but even if she hadn't been, even if she had just been someone he had met in the course of his life, he would have still wanted to have been by her side for all time. He loved being near her, with her, and he wouldn't have traded the time they had together for anything less than the whole world….and when he had the world…he was going to share it with her. He should share it with her. He already shared every other part of his life with her. His work, his home, raising his Son…all of it. They were….they were almost equals.
He loved her so much.
But she was his child. She was his child and…and he had almost mistook her for his wife once but he had been in a half asleep dream state and he would never have done that had he been awake and in his right mind…and a brief moment of terror grips him. Was that was she was staying away? Did she think….or maybe…he calms himself down before it shows. Daughter enjoyed spending time with her companions….for some reason…and that was why she was gone. That was why she had left him all alone with Son…and no breakfast….but he can dip his own piece of bread in ketchup…and he can be alone with own Son without becoming enraged…
Or he could try.
"She's not here." Said Sho. He had felt dad back there for a while now…and he had no idea what dad wanted. It wasn't like he was doing anything. He was just sitting there eating poptarts and drawing. He could have gone next door where big sis was…but he would wait until he was sure that everyone was awake and stuff…for reasons. Reasons that he was not going to get into with himself while his dad was standing behind him staring.
And staring.
Sho had no clue what he was staring at. Sho drew stuff, it was what he did, and Dad had seen him drawing a thousand times before. Maybe even more. He must have drawn more than a thousand pictures in his lifetime. He had been drawing since he had been a little kid. He remembered, back when he had been little, that he had drawn…something…for dad. He didn't know what he had drawn but he remembered that dad had taken it and folded it up and put it in his pocket….and dad had always liked it when he drew stuff….and he was always stealing his drawings and stuff….
But Sho didn't care.
He wanted to sit down and eat poptarts and draw dragons because Shimazaki liked them and he had been thinking about Shimazaki and…and drawing something that he liked was stupid because he was blind and he couldn't see drawings….but he was drawing this more for himself than Shimazaki….and stuff. Shimazaki was….he was a lot of things…and he was on Sho's mind….
And he was not supposed to be on Sho's mind…especially when dad ws standing right there staring at him.
"I know." Said Suzuki. He could sense auras, he had eyes, and he knew his Daughter's routine. She would have been at the stove making breakfast if she had been awake. Omelets, usually, because that was what Masami had taught her…but she could make other things. Hot cereal. Scrambled eggs. Plain pancakes with no sugar or syrup but a lot of butter. Over baked grapefruits with no sugar but plenty of butter. Avocado and ketchup on toast…..
God, what he wouldn't have given for a Daughter-cooked breakfast right about now.
He wondered if he could have sent Son next door to get her…but it was not Sunday and he was only supposed to see her on Sundays…unless she sought him out. But she was not there, she wanted to be with her friends, and he knew that he would have been fully within his power to send for her…but he had to think about her needs. Not his. She had her own needs and she needed to develop socially….even though he wanted her near him….
But he could dip his own bread in ketchup.
"I don't know when she's coming back." Said Sho. He knew that dad wanted breakfast. Big sis made breakfast sometimes. Well she wasn't home so if he wanted someone to make him breakfast than he either had to call her and make her come home or he could have gone next door and had Shibata make him something…the thought makes Sho smile a little. Dad going over there and having breakfast…but then he frowns. Shimazaki lives there and dad…he had beaten him up so badly that he had bled just for liking big sis….
What would dad have done to him if he knew how Sho felt about him?
Kill him. Kill Shimazaki and then kill Sho, or at least badly hurt him, because that was just…not the way to feel. Sho was not Shimazaki. He couldn't stab dad in the stomach and twist the knife. He couldn't let someone plant a bomb in a car and just let it go off. He couldn't accidentally set the house on fire while dad was asleep. He couldn't, definitely couldn't, tell dad that he liked boys and girls and if dad had a problem with that then he could suck it. Sho wasn't Shimazaki, he wasn't that brave, and…and he wished that he was.
Shimazaki would have liked him better if he had been brave.
Sho would have liked himself better if he had been brave…but he was not brave. He was himself. He was Sho and he was scared, even now, and he just wanted dad to leave him the hell alone already. Sho knew that he was not what dad had wanted in a Son. He knew that he had been born wrong. He knew that if big sis had been big bro dad would never have made him in the first place. He knew that if he had been anyone else, anything else, anyone or anything other than himself that dad…dad wouldn't have even wanted him for Claw. He was wrong. He was wrong and everything that he said and did was wrong and dad didn't like him anyways so why was he still there and-
And he made a mistake.
A line. A line which should not have been there. Sho had drawn, on accident, a heavy and dark line where he had been shading. He had messed up and…and that was that. He had messed even this up. He had messed up his drawing, the only thing he could do right, and now this meant that there was nothing in this world that he could do right….and if big sis had been there then she would have told him not to talk about himself like that…and she would have told him that she loved him…and stuff….but that was not what he needed to hear….well he had no idea what he needed to hear…
He needed to hear why dad was bothering him.
"She is coming back though." said Suzuki. A statement. A statement and nothing more. She is coming back. If he says that she is coming back then she is coming back. She is coming back and…and this fear is irrational. She has no reason to leave him….and Masami'd had no reason to leave him…but she was not Masami. She was easier to understand than Masami had ever been. She was easy to understand and…and he loved her…in a different way than he had loved Masami…and he isn't going to try and quantify his love for either his wife or his Daughter because…because he isn't entirely sure who will win.
And he doesn't want to think about it.
"Yeah, she lives here." Said Sho. What was dad asking him for? If he wanted to know if she was coming back or not then he should have just gone next door and asked. Maybe she had gone to live with Hatori or something. Maybe she had decided to run away with him and marry him and now she lived there…and he wanted her to be happy, and with someone other than Shimazaki who of course she still liked, but he didn't want her to run away. When she got married then she and Hatori could live in the house with him and dad and then all of her kids, all ten or twenty of them, and then he and her could still share a room and Hatori could share a room with his kids and dad….well dad wouldn't want that many people in the house so he would probably move out.
It would be great.
"She does." Said Suzuki. He wondered why Son felt the need to state the obvious. She lived with them. She lived with them and she would always live with them…with him. Son would move out someday. He had a girlfriend now….somehow he had gotten a girlfriend…and she would be his wife one day and he would have his own home built according to whatever this girl wanted and then he would raise his own children, at least six, three of each sex, or maybe more depending on how things worked out, and then it would be just him and Daughter. Son…he would grow up and have his own life…a life that Suzuki knew that he would not be privy too. He didn't much care what Son did with his life so long as he lived it the right way. So long as he ruled the world…well Suzuki could rule it through him…and so long as he had his own children. He didn't really care too much about the details of Son's life…
Though he would have liked to have bene informed of the big developments.
Like the existence of some girl who Son had chosen, at the age of ten, as his most perfect person. Suzuki knew what he had been like at ten and he knew that he should have been expecting this from Son…he had expected Son to have had more trouble when it came to the opposite sex actually….and he was happy. He didn't have to worry about Son being either a homosexual or as wildly unsuccessful in his romantic life as Suzuki had been for most of his life. He was happy and…and he would have liked to have bene informed. Suzuki liked to know what was happening in his own household. Son and Daughter…and Fukuda…had kept this from him…because they thought that he had been uncaring….well he was…but not SO uncaring….
What was this girl's name, even?
"What do you want, dad? I don't know how to make breakfast, if that's what you want, but if you want a poptart there's another box in the cabinet. Help yourself." Said Sho. He didn't care about dad and what he wanted. He just wanted him to either say whatever mean thing he was planning on saying or doing whatever mean thing he was planning on doing and just…he wanted dad to get it over with so he could go. What else could he possibly have been standing there for? Unless he was waiting for big sis to come back or something. Well then he'd be waiting all day because she was probably hanging out with Minegishi or going to her friend's house or something. Dad was probably just there for big sis. Dad only cared about big sis.
That was fine. Sho didn't care.
"Those things are vile." Said Suzuki. If he had been Son's age…he still would not have wanted one. Sugar. Disgusting. How Son could eat something like that…or maybe that was the little bit of Masami that must have been inside of him somewhere. He wondered why Son enjoyed those things, how he could stand to eat them, but he knew that Son would not tell him. If he hadn't thought to tell his own father that he had found the girl he was going to marry and reproduce with some day then…then he wasn't going to explain cinnamon s'mores poptarts to him either.
"Yeah, ok, whatever. What do you want?" asked Sho again. If he had come over just to be mean about his breakfast then, well, there. He had said something mean and now he could move on with his life. They both could.
"I want to know why you didn't tell me." Said Suzuki. That was the first thing that came to mind. Why hadn't Son told him? He didn't care about the minutia of Son's life but he did care about things that would affect this family and their future. He had met a girl and now he loved her and they had coupled together. A non esper but that was to be expected considering the fact that the ratio of male to female espers seemed to be about ten to one. Was that why he had kept it a secret. Fukuda said that he hadn't expected Suzuki to care…but the children….they must have known that he would have cared….or maybe not. Daughter…the thought of her keeping a secret, any secret at all, from him…it's…he just cannot allow himself to think of such a scenario. It's too painful.
"Tell you what?" asked Sho not even looking up from his drawing. Maybe if he smudged the line then it could look like a cool wind affect or something. He didn't care what dad was one about. He was probably pissed off because Sho hadn't warned him that big sis was going to be next door that morning…well Sho hadn't even known that either until he woke up and her bed had been empty and her aura had been next door. Dad had better not punish him for not knowing things that he hadn't been told in the first place.
"About your girlfriend." Said Suzuki. Son drew a thick line through his drawing, from this vantage point it looked like he had been drawing a dragon, and that had been such a shame. It had been such a nice drawing, too. Well maybe it could be salvaged or it was part of the artistic technique. Suzuki didn't know about art and he knew that Son wouldn't tell him why he did that or why his aura was flaring out the way it was. Son never told him anything….even when there were important things that he should have been informed of…like the future of their bloodline.
"….I don't know what you're talking about." Said Sho. Dad….how did he KNOW?! Someone must have told….someone had betrayed him. A traitor. Only a few people knew about Emmy. Fukuda, big sis, and Shimazaki…and one of them was a dirty, rotten, no good, cock suck, mother fucking, dick wallowing traitor! And…..and those were the people he trust most out of everyone else in the world…and they had told…..and he had TRUSTED THEM!
He started counting in his head.
Dad…dad knew and…and he needed to stay calm because….because maybe he could talk his way out of this or…or something. He didn't know. He just knew…he knew that….that he had to stay calm because…because he wasn't old enough, big enough, or strong enough to fight dad. Hell, Shimazaki had been a teenager when he had stabbed his dad in the stomach and twisted the knife…Sho eyed the knives on the counter…big sis would have been mad at him if he stabbed dad and…and if he was going to stab dad then he needed to finish the job, too, and Sho didn't think that he had it in him. Shimazaki had said, before, that he wished that he'd had it in him to finish the job when he stabbed his dad…but Sho…he didn't think that he could ever kill anyone. Especially not his own dad…and that made no sense.
Dad had been nothing but terrible to him for the whole ten years that he had been alive.
So why did he care if dad lived or died? So why did he care about dad at all? It made no sense. He should have hated his dad. He should have wished that dad was dead. Shimazaki's dad had been just as bad, if not worse, than dad was to him and he was happy that his dad had died…but when Sho thinks about dad being dead…he doesn't know. He dreams about it, about dad being dead, but the thought of dad just being dead in life…he doesn't know how he feels about that…and it's just…something that he just…he cannot begin to understand….
He understands that he needs to stay calm.
"Your girlfriend. You have one. You have one and you didn't tell me." Said Suzuki. He didn't know what was so hard to understand about that. He had been speaking plain Japanese, their first language, and he had been speaking as precisely as possible. Son had not told him about his girlfriend. There. What else was there to understand? Daughter hadn't thought that he had wanted to know….but Son must have known that he would have wanted to know. The only reason that he existed was because the bloodline needed to continue. That was why anyone reproduced. They reproduced to keep their bloodlines going. Even a ten year old child should have been able to understand that simple fact.
"….So? What, am I not allowed to have a girlfriend?" asked Sho. He was trying his best to stay calm. He was clutching his drawing in both hands…..and his powers kept on trying to put up a barrier…and he wanted to just….hide. He wanted to hide, to disappear, to just….to pull a Hatori and try and live in the bathroom…but….but he is not going to do that. He was not going to…to do that. He was not going to look weak. Shimazaki had said, before, that his dad hadn't started to respect him until he proved that he was strong, that he could hurt him, and that he would hurt him without a second thought….
He couldn't hurt dad.
He wanted to hurt dad, to hit him and stuff, but maybe not stab him. That was…the one step too far. He knew that dad would have killed him, divorced mom, and then met another woman and had a son with her if Sho did that. So he wasn't going to hurt dad but…but he wasn't going to show dad that he was afraid, either. Shimazaki said that the best thing to do when you were scared of someone was to act like you didn't give a fuck about them. That took away their power. Once their power was gone then they lashed out at you and you could kick their ass….so maybe this wasn't the best thing to do because he couldn't have kicked dad's ass even if he had wanted to…and he did…and stuff…
He just wanted to be alone….and not to have been betrayed…and he had been betrayed….by someone…..someone who he loved most out of everyone else in the whole world….
"No, I just wish that you would have said something." Said Suzuki. He had no idea why Son would think something like that. Of course Suzuki wanted him to be successful when it came to the opposite sex. What father wouldn't want his bloodline to continue? Through his Son. Daughter….the thought of Daughter with a boyfriend….he doesn't want to think about that. If he thinks about that he knows that he'll lose control…and he can't allow himself any loss of control at all…
"Why do you even care? You don't care about me." Said Sho. The counting was working. He wasn't breaking anything or trying to hit dad….and that was good. That was better than he would have done when he had been little…and he knows that…that he can't hurt dad….but he wants to hurt someone. He wants to hurt the person who betrayed him. It was either his own sister or Fukuda or…or Shimazaki…and that….the thought of Shimazaki hurting him…it makes him feel like he swallowed a block of ice. All cold and numb inside…..that's how it feels…and he just….he doesn't want to have been betrayed by anyone but especially not Shimazaki!
"I do. I care that you've found someone. I just would have liked to have been informed." Said Suzuki. Son was so tiring. Even without doing anything he was tiring. He had no idea how Daughter put up with him day in and day out. He had no idea how this girl he was planning on marrying was going to put up with him day in and day out. He knew nothing at all about this girl….and he wanted to. He knew that all he needed, really, was Son to pick out one of the billions of girls on this planet to be his most perfect person but…but now he finds himself….curious. Curious about her name, about what she enjoys, about why she is even with Son in the first place….and he wants to ask….but he also knows that having this information will not change the outcome. He and Daughter are going to have their own family, their own household, and Son will not factor in at all. Son will have his own family and Suzuki will have no part of it. Not when he and Daughter will have their family and their life together. What would be the point? Son doesn't even need him, anyway, he's never needed him.
"Why the fuck do you even care? You've never given a damn about me before and I don't know why you give a damn now." said Sho. He knows that he's not supposed to curse around dad EVER but…but it just comes out. How dare he?! How dare he think that he can know anything at all about Sho's life?! He has never once given a damn! And now he was just going to stand there and start complaining that Sho never told him anything! Who the fuck did he think that he was!?
"Don't ever speak to me like that again." said Suzuki. He forced himself to keep calm. He wanted to send Son flying into the wall for that…but what if Daughter came home and found Son injured? She would have been very upset about that and she would have been upset with him and she may even have been so upset that she decided to spend their day with her friends…and that would have been the worst. Son was not worth that. He was not going to lose time with his Daughter just because his Son had to be…well….his Son.
He just wasn't worth it.
"Why not? Are you going to kick me in the stomach again? Or smack me around? Or hit me so hard that I bleed?" asked Sho. He was standing up, now, at some point he had stood up. He doesn't remember standing up. He doesn't remember when his hands balled into fists. He doesn't remember deciding to say that stuff. He's glad the knives are over on the counter. He's glad that he doesn't have one where he can reach. He comes up to dad's stomach now, he could stab him…and he wants to…and he just…he doesn't want to be the sort of person that wants to stab people! That wants to make them bleed! He just…he cannot become that sort of person!
But he wants to hurt dad….and he wants dad to get on with hurting him…so then all of this could be over already.
"I won't. I should but I won't. If I were to punish you, and believe me you deserve it, your sister would be very upset and you aren't worth it. You're tiresome, very tiresome, and I'll leave you to whatever you have planned for today. Just know that I am pleased to know that you've met someone. I almost didn't believe Fukuda when he told me, with you being who you are, but I am pleased and amazed that someone like you managed to find a girl who could stand to be in your presence for more than five minutes." Said Suzuki. He turned his back on his Son and left. The Boy was having some sort of fit as he left, a mess for Daughter to clean up was made, but Daughter could deal with that. She could punish her brother as she saw fit. Suzuki knew that if it had been up to him the Boy would have been on the ground bleeding right now.
But it was not up to him.
Daughter knew better than him when it came to taking care of Son. He would let her deal with the fit he was throwing, the mess he was making, and the terrible language he had learned from somewhere. This was her job after all. She was a good mother and she wasn't even a mother yet. She would be soon, though, she would meet a man and then…well he didn't want to think about what she would do when she met a man….and he didn't want to think of the day when Fukuda or whoever told him that she had met someone….he didn't know what he would do then….and he…well he knew that this was nature's way. If Son had begun to show interest in the opposite sex, had even chosen his most perfect person, then Daughter would be finding her most perfect person soon…
And that person will not be him.
He loves her so. He wants…he wants nothing more than her happiness…but the thought of some sticky fingered little boy laying a hand on his Daughter…it makes him want to….well he doesn't want to lose control but it makes him feel like this loss of control is imminent. Daughter….she needs…she needs him. She needs him and if she hadn't been his Daughter then she would have been his most perfect person….well not in the same way Masami had been because Daughter is just a child…but still….he wants to spend his life with her…without someone else getting in the way….but that cannot be. Someone else will get in the way, at some point, because she is the most intelligent, powerful, and beautiful girl in the world. They already can't go anywhere without some little boy trying to get her attention…and one day she will enjoy that attention….
And that day is coming soon….
He can feel it. He can feel it and he knows….he knows that if Son has someone then she will have someone too….and then he will be forced to…to spend time with that person. To know that person. She would find a man and he would be expected to put up with that man long enough, at least, for her to get some children out of him. Suzuki didn't want to know that man, that hypothetical man, and…and his feelings on the subject were odd. Here he was hating some hypothetical man while Son…Son had found a flesh and blood person who he was curious about….somewhat. Son had someone and he didn't need to know about her…well he sort of wanted to know about her. What was her name? What was she like? Was she an artist too? He didn't know. He didn't even know why he even wanted to know. He cared about the fact that Son had someone, that was all, and he didn't care what else the boy did with himself just so long as he did what he had to do.
Well aside from drawing pictures. He liked it when Son drew pictures.