Shimazaki Ryou was not a fan of sad people.
They were boring, really, and he did not do boring. He'd lived so many years of his life bored already he was not going to waste another moment on boredom. He had read, well Toshi had read to him, that sharks had to keep moving or else they would die. They even swam while they slept because if they stopped for a moment, for just one moment, they would die right there on the spot. Shimazaki figured that it was the same for people. You always had to be moving, to be doing things, to have something going on or you would just die right there on the spot and then your spirit would linger on and on and on and on….
So, really, he did not do sad people.
Sad people moped and he did not do moping. Even when he'd been a kid he'd never moped. He'd just made the best of his life no matter what it had been. For the first few years of his life his world had been four walls, a HI-FI, a box of toys, and a piss bucket. Then his life had been endless, truly endless, lessons in braille…truly boring…and math and history and the endless recitation of his bloodline, which would end with him of course, and just…endlessness. Endlessly chasing the expectations of a man who had thought his life would be endless….heh. Life had gotten better after that. He'd still had cause to be sad, of course, since mom had been dead for some time and dad…well he'd had some seriously complicated feelings about dad at that time…and his own stupid brain would bring up the stupidest shit at the weirdest times…but then he learned how to have fun and keep moving and fuck with his brain chemistry so now all was well.
He never had to deal with sad people, himself or others, again.
Well he sort of did. He was bored, which was almost as bad as being sad, and when he was bored he looked for ways to keep himself going…and that was what brought him next door to his favorite ten year old in the world. Sho was always fun. Well usually he was fun. Usually had was always moving, always up to something, always ready to have some kind of fun…but not now. No. Shimazaki teleported right up next to him, literally right next to him, and now he could hear his aura and it was practically sobbing….
Which was not good at all.
"Hey." Said Sho. Shimazaki could hear it in his voice. The kid was sad. This could not be allowed to be. It didn't feel natural or sound natural. It was just so…not natural!
"You're sad." Said Shimazaki. He listened to the kid's aura and…yup. Still sad. Not even a little bit of that aural giggle he usually did when Shimazaki was near…not that he was a fan of that aural giggle, of course, because that meant that the little guy still wasn't over him, but it would have been preferable to this…whatever it was. Poor Sho. He didn't need whatever shit was weighing him down…and Shimazaki didn't need to have to be near a sad person…but this was the kid so it was ok.
"Am not." Said Sho with none of the usual bite he had to him when they had their 'am not' and 'are too' matches…and that didn't seem like him at all. It was unnatural. Like someone was putting on Sho's voice and mimicking his aura.
"Are too." Said Shimazaki. He said it with the same amount of bite, playful bite like when you played tug-of-war with a puppy and you put your hand too close to it's mouth, that he usually would have but Sho…nothing. Still that same sobbing from his aura. Not wracking sobs but like when you got up in the middle of the night and you walked around and someone had a bad dream and they were sobbing quietly so they didn't wake anyone up. Those sorts of sobs…and he never liked hearing those sorts of sobs from people. Not out loud and not through auras, either.
"I just said that I wasn't sad….whatever." said Sho. Shimazaki didn't like the sound of that at all. He sounded….defeated. Not defeated like how Shimazaki always won when they tried to see who could eat the most pudding cups or who could stand on their head the longest or who could drink the most coke or who could collect the most smooth rocks for throwing at people. This was defeated like….like defeated-defeated. Like he'd seen enough of everything and he just wanted to rest. Like the old timers in the family had sounded…and Sho was not an old timer! He was a kid, a fun kid, and he could not sound like that!
"Ok, you're not sad. How about, since you're not sad, we do something fun? Huh? How about go and collect more shells? Or maybe we can swap out people's mail again? Or see what's inside of people's packages?" asked Shimazaki. He elbowed Sho in the side…and nothing. Nothing at all. Just him being all…mopey. His aura didn't do the things it did and his heart rate didn't speed up and….and he just sat there. He sat there and….Shimazaki could feel him moving. He was…he saw his arm moving…and he saw he held something in his hand…oh. He was digging in the dirt with a stick….no…he was drawing something with a stick.
Ok, so that was good.
Well not good because he was still a mopey mess. It was good that he was doing something, though, instead of just sitting there on the ground like a lump while the sun beat down on both of them. Shimazaki wished that he could see what Sho had been drawing. He could feel the sun above them, Sho beside him, and even the ants walking along the ground…but he had no idea what the kid was drawing. That was such a shame. Supposedly he was really good, too, at drawing. Maybe that was it. He got kind of down on himself, sometimes, when his drawings didn't turn out…so maybe that was it…
Or maybe not. Shimazaki didn't have a fucking clue.
"I don't know…." Said Sho. Shimazaki sighed and then flopped down backwards onto the ground. He could feel the grass under his back, the dirt under his legs, and Sho beside him. He had stopped drawing in the dirt and now he was facing Shimazaki. He could hear Sho's aura…still very sad. He could feel Sho beside him. God, he would have taken lovesick Sho over sad Sho. He didn't know what to do about this. Toshi would have known, they were smart, but then again they would probably just tell him to yank Sho's heart out or something…and he didn't feel like doing that.
So the kid had a crush on him, so what?
He wasn't going to rip the kid's heart out. He knew that if he did that then it would be saying goodbye to all the fun times they had together. Besides, it didn't bother him any. So Sho had a crush on him, big deal? Shimazaki wasn't about to fuck him so it didn't change the outcome one bit. Telling the kid that, no, there was no hope at all and he needed to stop feeling like this…that was most definitely change the outcome and not at all for the better. It was hard enough to deal with the kid when he was sad. Heartbroken….nope. No way. Not setting that fire.
Neither of them, him or Sho, needed to go through all of that.
"Why are you laying down?" asked Sho. Shimazaki could feel himself being looked at. He shrugged as best as he could from the grass. Why was he on the ground? Well to be on the ground. Why was he here? Why were any of them here? Was this even here? Was reality just a construct? The fabric of reality was different based on how you perceived it. The kid could see things that he couldn't, like whatever the hell colors were, but he could perceive the world on a level the kid never could. Like the ants living under their feet or the bird sitting on the roof of the house watching them. Maybe existence was just-
Maybe he was just high as fuck.
"I'm thinking." Said Shimazaki. He had been going since….well he didn't know since when. Since he'd gotten up and felt all weird. He didn't always remember his dreams but he remembered how they felt…and he hadn't much like the residual feeling from that but, hey, he was a grown man now and he could make himself feel better through the use of various chemicals and also caramel waffles…which he was not ashamed of himself for making even though Shibata seemed to think that he should have been. He felt better…and he wondered if the kid would have ended up feeling better….
He felt his coat pockets.
"What about?" asked Sho. Shimazaki felt the inner pockets of his coat….yup. Lighter, joint, pen, and flask with…he had no idea what was in there. It could have been vodka, it could have been rum, or it could have been Shibata's crappy homemade Pepsi. Pocket dives were always an adventure. Good. He had supplies….but maybe not the flask. No, the kid did not do well at all with the hard stuff.
"You." Said Shimazaki. Ok, he could smoke the kid up but maybe not get him drunk. Not on the hard stuff anyway. He had a case of beer in his room he had been planning on sharing with Toshi…but the kid was sad and he couldn't deal with a sad kid.
"What about me?" asked Sho. He sounded closed off there, which wasn't good. Well he'd be feeling better soon. Shimazaki had been accused, in the past, of running from his problems. That he couldn't stand the feeling of his feelings so he ran from them. So he smoked them out and drowned them and did whatever else he could get his hands on. What was so bad about that? Being sad, being scared, being that weird feeling he got when his brain tried to remember shit for no reason what so ever, was the worst and he would rather feel literally anything else.
"I'm thinking that you're really sad right now and I have no idea why but I know how I can fix it." Said Shimazaki. He wondered if Mob wanted in on this…maybe not. She was having fun with Toshi…and also Toshi would maybe have a problem with him smoking another kid up. They could be overprotective like that.
"I'm not sad so there's nothing for you to fix." Said Sho. Shimazaki shook his head. He knew that people rolled their eyes and he would have been doing that now if he could. How long was the kid going to try and convince him that everything was hunky dory? It obviously wasn't. But that didn't matter. He would fix this. He could fix this and he would fix this and he was not…he was fine the way he was.
"Then what would you call this?" asked Shimazaki. There was some silence and he wondered, thought, hoped that Sho was getting ready to tell him what was wrong. If this was more shit with his dad beating the shit out of him, he didn't seem injured by Shimazaki couldn't see bruises unless they were really deep and he really focused, then smoking him up was the best option. If it was woman troubles, or whatever troubles, then getting drunk and raucous was always a good time, and if he was all twisted up inside because of how he felt about Shimazaki….um…acid? That was always good or sorting your brain out…but maybe not since Toshi had just forgiven him for the shit with Mob…
He would figure it out.
He had to figure it out. Sho needed someone to help him figure this shit out and Shimazaki had his shit figured out so, yeah, he could help Sho figure his shit out. He wasn't the best at getting his shit figured out, he had done some MAJOR FUCKUPS in his lifetime, but he knew somewhat what he was doing. The kid….he needed someone and….and sad people sucked to be around…but the kid wasn't permanently set to sad mode so, yeah, he could fix this.
Maybe he was fixing it, actually, without even doing anything.
The kid laid himself down on the ground beside him. There was some space between them, he could feel it, and he didn't know if that was good or bad. He didn't know if the fact that the kid's heart rate and breathing had picked up were good or bad either. He didn't want the kid to go back to being a lovesick mess or anything like that but he didn't want him to be sad either.
He felt his pocket and pulled out his lighter and his cigarette box.
"I just…I feel like….Shimazaki? Can you tell me a story?" asked Sho suddenly. Shimazaki felt around his cigarette box. Cigarette, cigarette, cigarette stolen from Toshi…yes, there it was. One Mob-rolled joint. Perfect. He slid the joint out of his box and held it between his teeth. He sat up, it was just easier that way, and Sho did the same. He seemed….less sad…but more cagey. Closed off. Not himself at all.
"Well that's certainly changing the subject but yeah. What story do you want to hear?" asked Shimazaki as he lit the end of his joint. Storytimes could be fun times. He was such a kid sometimes. Well that was ok, he had a million stories to tell, and some of them were about things that had actually happened to him. He got it, why the kid liked stories, he used to like stories too back when he'd been little. God, mom had been such a good story teller. Dad…not so much…but mom had been the master. Stories were nice. He remembered being so small and feeling so safe…
And if he could make someone else feel good like that then of course he would.
"….the story of the time you stabbed your dad in the stomach and twisted the knife. Can you tell me that one? I want….I want to hear that one." Said Sho. Shimazaki inhaled and then nodded. That was a pretty great story. One of the best moments of his life.
"Sure. Here, have some of this." said Shimazaki. He held the joint out to Sho, he could feel Sho right there, but he made no move to take it. He was staring down at it. Shimazaki didn't get it. It was a joint, you smoked it, it wasn't hard to understand. He would have thought that Mob would have smoked her little brother up by now considering how much of a little stoner she was. Oh well, her loss.
"Um…..I don't know if I should smoke….I mean…" said Sho. Shimazaki shrugged and pulled back. Fair enough.
"Alright, if you don't want to then you don't want to. It'll make you feel better, though. I can tell how crappy you feel." Said Shimazaki. He could feel Sho watching him. He could feel Sho reaching out, pulling his hand back, and then finally making up his mind and taking the joint from his hand. Well good for him finally making up his mind. Now they could be smoking buddies…and he could always use another smoking buddy since Toshi was always telling Mob about moderation and why she shouldn't have been getting stoned all the time. At least he had one kid to smoke with.
Not that he was good at it.
"Hold it in your lungs. It won't work if you don't hold it in your lungs. Just keep it in until you can't keep it in anymore." Said Shimazaki as the kid started coughing up a storm. The kid may not have been able to see it but Shimazaki could, the way he strained against his ribs like that when he coughed, the way he could have broken one. Shimazaki sure as hell hoped that the kid didn't end up breaking a rib. He didn't want to have to explain to Suzuki just how that had happened.
"This sucks!" said Sho as he passed the joint back. Shimazaki shrugged and tried to get the end back to how it should have been. Right. Sho still didn't know not to get spit on the end…but he was still learning. The first time you did anything sucked. The first time you smoked or drank or fucked or dropped acid or killed a man, it always sucked, but that was what Shimazaki was there for. Nobody had taught him any of the important shit in life, well besides how to kill a man, but that was what he was there for. He may not have been anyone's father, well that he knew of he hadn't exactly been careful over the years before meeting Toshi, but if he had been someone's father then he would have made sure that his kid learned all of the important things in life.
Like how to smoke a joint.
"Here, watch me. Don't get spit on the end, it just ends up getting stuck shut. Hold it like this and inhale smooth, not as fast as you were doing. See? Just like this." said Shimazaki. Sho was watching him, he could feel it, and he went slow for his benefit. Mob really should have been teaching her little brother this stuff. Honestly. What had she been up to for all these years? Well that was ok. Sho had him and he was a damn good teacher. Well he considered himself to be a damn good teacher….and a damn good friend, too.
"Give me that." Said Sho. There was the kid he knew. The bite was back to his voice, his aura was back to normal…complete with lovesick aural giggles that Shimazaki was not planning on addressing anytime soon, and he was…well he was better. Not all the way normal but better. Yeah. He knew what he was doing. He was a good friend. Just like the song went. You get by with a little help from your friends and you get high with a little help from your friends.
And that kid was getting high.
Fast, too, faster than Mob…well she had been doing this for longer. Sho was new to this…and Shimazaki wanted to hang his head in shame on Mob's behalf. Honestly. She had dropped the ball on this. Didn't she know that it was her job to teach her little brother the important things in life? Poor Sho. Well whatever, he was learning the important things now….and he was a fast learner. Good for him. Well bad for both of them if Suzuki were to suddenly come back but he was off doing Suzuki stuff and he would be gone for most of the day and he couldn't teleport so he didn't have to worry about Suzuki being all 'you're going in a traitor hole for corrupting my kids' or whatever.
Which was always good.
"You want to hear the story the while you finish that off?" asked Shimazaki while the kid did his best to hack up a lung. He could have the rest of that, he needed it more than Shimazaki, and Shimazaki was not a stingy guy. What was the point of having stuff if you weren't going to share with the people you cared about most in the world?
"Y-yeah…that'd be….good." said Sho. Shimazaki wanted to reach over and see what he looked like. He'd have bet money, good money, that the kid was squinting right now. He sounded like he was stoned enough to squint. Well good for him. If anyone needed it, anyone in the whole world, it was Suzuki Sho. The kid led such a sucky life. Well he wasn't being locked in his room all day and nobody was spraying him with a hose and then whipping him with a belt but that didn't mean that his life didn't suck. It just sucked in a different way than Shimazaki's had sucked.
He didn't want the kid's life to suck at all.
He had never cared, not really, about other people's lives. They lived their lives, he lived his life, sometimes their lives sucked, sometimes his life sucked, and that was just how life went. People had lives. He had a life. Nobody cared about his life and he didn't care about anyone's life but his own. Then he got older and shit and now here he was. Thirty, thirty one in October, and he had already gotten all old and senile…or whatever. Maybe he was just becoming more aware of his mortality or whatever and he realized that he had to be good to the kid because he was a good kid and he filled the void in his own life left by the whole lack of a kid. Heh. Maybe he was going to try and settle down with Toshi, too, while he was at it.
That could have been pretty great, actually.
Him and Toshi being all domestic or whatever. Being together all the time, having their own kids, and hanging out with the kids that they were already friends with. Getting drunk, getting stoned, listening to records, occasionally dropping people out of the sky and watching them go splat for whatever reason the boss told him to drop people from the sky and watch them go splat for….yeah. it could have been pretty awesome…
But also that was just a fantasy, this was reality, and in reality he had a stoned kid right in front of him and that kid had asked to hear a story.
"Ok, here you go. So I was just a kid and my dad, as he tended to do, drove me out into the woods to die. He'd been doing that about once a year since my mom died, once again don't ask me about that because I don't like to tell that story, and he just decided that it was time for me to die. He wasn't going to do it himself because he couldn't bring himself to since my mom had loved me and shit. I don't know. Maybe he loved me a little bit since he kept me around after mom had died and made sure I knew our bloodline and shit. Anyway it doesn't matter, he's dead. Anyway he was taking me out to the woods to die because he caught me doing something that I shouldn't have been doing, once again you are way too young to know what I was doing and this is coming from me so….yeah. So here I am in the car but, like, I know where's I'm going. Not just because we'd been down that road before but I could see, well see the way I do, at that point in my life. So here I am driving down the road and there's this song playing, yuuwaku if you've ever heard it, and like….they were playing that shit nonstop. So I was like, hey dad since this is the last music I'll ever hear can I at least put a tape in, and he was all fine so I put in revolver….well that had been my mom's favorite…so I'm listening to this and thinking about how…well how I'll be fine. I didn't care, I mean so what if mom had been the one who had always made him come back….I was going to be fine." Said Shimazaki. He was rambling, he knew that he was rambling, and just could not stop rambling….and that was just because he was fucked up…chemically. Not by what happened.
He had made his peace with what had happened years ago.
"Ok, so we get there and he kicks me out…and I'm all….God I the Glay….anyway so I'm there and it's not that hot out and I'm all…ok. Cool. Time to find food and…and don't eat the green berries even though I had no idea what green was so I went off into the woods to find food and make a shelter until…until either he came back or I went home…and shit….so…" said Shimazaki as he got his pen out of his pocket. Maybe he shouldn't have given the kid the whole joint. His hand found his flask instead…and he decided to see what was in there and….peppermint schnapps? For the love of…how long had this flask been in his pocket for?
He still drank it down.
Yup. That was Christmas time. The warm, body heat warmed, flavor of Christmas time. He could feel the kid looking at him. He passed him the flask. He knew that the kid couldn't have hard liquor but everyone had to start sometimes. You had to learn how to drink when you were young. That way you could hold your liquor when you got older. God, he could not wait until Sho got older. They were going to have so much fun when he grew up. Bars, parties, clubs, the stick fights down at lumber yards, the literal rat races the triads put on, the thing where you took shots off of a naked woman, drunken lawn darts….God. There was so much fun to be had with this kid when he grew up.
It was better to look to the future than the past.
The past made him feel all…not good. Which made no sense. Like the girl from Mob's movie sang about. The past was in the past and all of that shit. Well his past was in the past and he could talk about it…and shit. Maybe he was just off because the kid had been sad and it reminded him when he had been sad…and shit. About when he had been a kid…and he didn't like being reminded about what he had been like when he was a kid….but it was whatever. He was happy. He was happy now and he was with the kid and he was making a kid happy…and that was that.
That was that and this was this.
"This tastes like shit." Said Sho as he spat all over the grass. Shimazaki smelled peppermint. Not the worst thing he could have smelled. Better than if the kid had been throwing up. God, the smell of vomit was the worst smell…but he was fine. He hadn't thrown up, he was not worked up enough to throw up, and he hadn't eaten the green berries…and the kid was not going to throw up because he hadn't drank anything….so they were both fine.
He was fine.
"Well, yeah, it's peppermint schnapps I've had in there since Christmas. Now do you want to hear the story or not?" asked Shimazaki
"Can you get to the part where you stabbed your dad? I like that part…where you stabbed him and twisted the knife….almost stabbed my dad today….should have stabbed my dad today…but he says that I'm not worth it. He said that to me, right to my face, and then Fukuda said to me, right to my face again, that he told dad my secrets because he was looking out for me….he just….he betrayed me! He betrayed me like a betrayer would have betrayed me! He's a mother fucking cocksucker betraying….person! And he…I trusted him!" Well now Sho was screaming. Shimazaki put his flask and his pen back into his internal pocket. Yeah. Maybe Toshi had a point about teaching kids moderation…and also…just…
What?
"Kid, don't stab your dad. I got away with stabbing my dad because he wasn't an esper but your dad isn't just an esper, he's the world's most powerful esper, so maybe hold off on the dad stabbing until he's old and incapacitated and shit." Said Shimazaki. Sho was going to kill his dad one day. It wasn't a question of if but a question of when. He hadn't heard or felt anything like Suzuki had been beating him up again, which was always good, but he hadn't exactly been paying close attention either.
"….I want to stab him now…but I don't….and I just…don't know." Said Sho. Shimazaki shrugged. That made sense. Most people who met Suzuki wanted to at least stab him. Hell, Shimazaki would have stabbed the mother fucker if he could have. He had stabbed his own father…oh. That was what he had wanted to hear that story for. Well that made sense. Shimazaki was glad that he hadn't done it. Sho was too young to even have a chance…and also emotionally he probably could not have handled it.
"That's normal. I had complicated feelings about my dad when I was ten too." Said Shimazaki. He had and had not wanted to kill his dad when he had been ten…well he had grown out of those weird feelings and become more decisive as he got older…but in the end he hadn't even ended up killing the bastard. Someone else had done the work of it, the thing that Shimazaki should have done, and Sho…well he had no qualms with looking the other way while someone killed his dad.
"But I don't want to have complicated feelings about my dad! I don't want to have complicated feelings about him or you or Fukuda or anyone! I don't want any of my feelings to be complicated!" said Sho
"Fukuda? What's so complicated about that dick hole?" asked Shimazaki. God. That guy. Apparently he was Suzuki's friend from childhood, and Shimazaki could see that. That fucking bastard had messed with Toshi…and now he was messing with Sho…and he had done enough messing with people for a lifetime.
"Hey! He's not….ok he….he kind of is a dick hole…and an asshole…and a bitch….a boy bitch….a bastard. He's a bastard and a traitor." Said Sho
"What'd he do to you?" asked Shimazaki. Those were some harsh words from the kid, even by his standards, but that piece of shit Fukuda had….had betrayed the kid. This was the latest in a long string of bad shit that he had done….and now…well now he was going to pay. He was going to get dropped in the ocean. He was going to get dropped off of a plane. He was going to get dosed with whatever was left of that vile of acid. He was going…..he was going to get what was coming to him…as soon as Shimazaki figured out what it was that Fukuda had coming to him.
"I said what already…he told dad about my girlfriend…and dad…he just said….he told me that it wasn't worth it to beat me up because it would make big sis upset." Said Sho. Well now they were getting back to Suzuki's weirdness. He would have been glad, actually, if his dad had decided not to beat him up…but maybe not…since pretending that someone was invisible was the worst….and Suzuki was lucky that he was the most powerful man on Earth because Shimazaki would have been coming for him if he had been anyone else.
"And….not getting your ass beat for having a girlfriend is a bad thing?" asked Shimazaki slowly. What was with the kid? Why did he need to….what? He didn't get it. Stoned stories were hard to follow at the best of times and stoned kid stories were the very hardest….but he was trying his best.
"He wasn't mad about that! He was mad because I said that he didn't give a damn about me…and he agreed! He said that…that making big sis upset was worth more than me and…and Fukuda was the one who told him! He told him about Emmy and…and I keep all of his secrets but he won't keep mine!" shouted Sho. He was being too loud and his voice was really high…and Shimazaki…well he had every right to be loud and upset since Fukuda, bottle of expired eye socket cleaner that he was, had betrayed him….and this was after he had gone running his mouth about Toshi's tits….and also he had called Toshi his girlfriend when it was obvious that Toshi hated shit like that…and not he was fucking with Sho…and Shimazaki wished that he was there, he'd leave there limping, but also….also his ears were killing him.
"Kid-" said Shimazaki. Nope. Too loud. He was sorry that he'd had something bad happen to him…but his voice was way too loud and too high and Shimazaki….well he didn't want to be a dick…but he also didn't want to go deaf.
"I told him not to tell dad! And he said that he wouldn't! He said that…he promised me…and I keep all of his secrets! Like…like I never told dad about how he was…..I am not a secret teller!" said Sho. His voice got higher than any human being's voice had any right to be at the end of that…but Shimazaki knew that he had heard a secret mentioned…and secrets were worth more than gold in the game of vengeance…and there would be vengeance. He had fucked with the kid and he had fucked with Toshi…and that was way too much fuckery going on.
"You can tell me, I'm all ears." Said Shimazaki. Secrets. He liked secrets, well he liked storing secrets and using them later, and he especially liked knowing the secrets of people he didn't like…and he did not like this guy. First Toshi and now the kid….what the fuck was wrong with this guy?
"….I can't because that would make me a betrayer." Said Sho. Shimazaki wanted to take him and shake him. If someone betrayed you first then you were free to betray them right back. Honestly. This kid, stoned as he was, was still trying to cover for this guy? After he had betrayed him….God….why did Sho even care about this living tonsil stone for?
"Well he betrayed you first, and in a bad way too. You know people get stolen all the time, right? Your dad could have decided to steal this girl for you and that would have sucked for her…and also I'm a very nosy person so you had might as well tell me all of Fukuda's secrets." Said Shimazaki. The guy had secrets and secrets could be exploited and Shimazaki did not have scruples. He remembered what he had said about Toshi's perfect tits and he knew that he had barely made him pay. He would pay for making fun of Toshi's tits and making them feel bad about their body and whatever else he had done in his life that Shimazaki might have found objectionable. Also he had pissed Sho off and that was crossing the line…again. He wasn't just crossing the line, no, he was pissing all over it! Nope. Nobody fucked with the people Shimazaki cared about!
"But….but I can't betray him right back….because if dad knew that he was emailing mom then…then dad would kill him…and I don't want him to die. I just…want him to not have betrayed me! I trusted him and-" said Sho. The shouting was not good. His hearing was sensitive, very sensitive, and the shouting was making him hard to understand…and also….he must have heard wrong. Maybe he was losing his hearing. Maybe he was going to go deaf too, since that was the only explanation for what he had just said, because just…..emailing Suzuki's wife?
What the ever loving, dick sucking, piss choking, dry fucking…..what?
"Whoa, what? Your mom? This guy is chatting up your mom, YOUR MOTHER? Suzuki's wife?" asked Shimazaki. He must have heard that wrong. He decided to hit the pen in case he was having his first ever acid flashback. That was….what the fuck even was that? Suzuki…well he didn't seem like the sort of guy who wanted people chatting up his wife….and the whole thing smelled fishier than the time Shibata went to the fish market, over filled the fridge so it didn't close all the way, and left them all to wake up to a fridge with a burnt out motor.
"Yeah, my mom. She's….she ran away and Fukuda sends her emails that he doesn't think she'll ever read…and stuff." Said Sho. Shimazaki blinked. He didn't need to blink. He actually should not have been blinking. He felt something getting into his eyes, but it may have been his imagination, since it seemed like his imagination was running away with him. Had he dropped acid? Smoked DMT? Had he mad mushroom tea at some point? Emails to nowhere?
Well then.
It seemed like Fukuda was just full of surprises….and not the good kind. Sho liked the guy, Shimazaki had no idea why, but he liked the guy and…and Shimazaki was a man. He knew what it meant when you had someone on your mind enough to be sending them emails to nowhere…and he got the idea that Suzuki wasn't aware of this. If he had been aware of the possible, probable, possibly cuckery going on he would have definitely killed Fukuda friend from childhood or whatever or not…
Well then.
"...well then." Said Shimazaki. He was not stupid. He had several women's email addresses, some of which he'd had…several Toshi like feelings for….but he knew that he only sent one emails to nowhere to one and that was because he had loved her enough to get a picture of her tattooed on his arm…and well….this was good dirt on Fukuda. He had, possibly, cucked Suzuki of all people. Just….this was….he had no idea what he was going to do with this information but he knew that it had to be good.
"…that was supposed to be a secret…and now…now dad's going to kill him..." said Sho. Shimazaki needed to do something about this, the way his voice wavered, the crack of his aura, and the closed off body language, so he did. He hugged the kid. He knew that maybe as the object of this kid's affections he shouldn't have been hugging him so close and all but…yeah. The kid needed this. So what if this might have ended up in his bank later. He felt like shit and he needed someone to comfort him and Shimazaki was the closest someone there.
"No he won't because I won't say a word to your dad. I don't like talking to that guy so, yeah, this isn't exactly going to come up in conversation." Said Shimazaki as he held Sho. God…this kid needed a bath. He smelled like weed, cinnamon, and not washing….he let him go…but Sho still clung to him.
"You're always so nice to me." Said Sho into his chest. Shimazaki patted him on the back. This was…maybe not the best thing for either of them. Sho…he needed a bath…and also to get over him.
"Well yeah, I'm your friend. Just your friend, ok?" asked Shimazaki. He tried to pry the kid off, he REALLY needed a bath, but he just held on tighter. Or. So he was touchy when he got stoned…good to know.
"You're all soft and stuff….and stuff…and just…don't tell dad about what I said…or that I hugged you." Said Sho. Shimazaki patted him on the back some more. Yeah, this kid was gone. He had been going, going, and gone for a while now…and now he had reached the peak of it. Also he had the same softness obsession as his sister did. Good to know. He vaguely wondered what Suzuki was like stoned…probably boring as fuck considering that he was Suzuki.
How that man managed to make such great kids while he himself sucked pickled eggs was beyond his understanding….but maybe they weren't even his…heh.
"I just said I never talk to him, you don't have to worry about that shit, ok?" asked Shimazaki. He tried, again, to pry Sho off…and he just held on tighter. Ok then. So this was his life now. Whatever. He could deal with this…and also Sho was a lot stronger than Shimazaki would have thought that a kid his age would have been. Not strong enough to take on Suzuki, though, but still pretty strong.
"Ok….ok. You're my best friend….you're the best friend that I've ever had….and…and you won't ever betray me, right? You won't ever tell anyone my secrets, right?" asked Sho
"You know I won't." said Shimazaki. He was putting any secrets that the kid told him in the vault next to Toshi's secrets. The kid did not need anyone else betraying him. He'd had enough shit go wrong in his life. He didn't need someone betraying him who he considered to be his friend.
"I thought that Fukuda wouldn't either…but he said that it was for my own good because my dad thought stuff about me…stuff that isn't true!" shouted Sho. This time Shimazaki pulled back hard. That was too high and too loud. God. He loved Sho, he really did, but he needed him to either stop yelling or make his voice drop already.
"Kid, I'm here for you and I agree, Fukuda did a fucked up thing to you, but if you're going to be this close to me then you need to stop yelling, ok?" said Shimazaki. Sho buried his face in his shirt and nodded. Well now he had gone the other way. Shimazaki wasn't the best at charades so, maybe, pantomime wasn't the best way to communicate with him.
"Come on, talk to me with words. What did your dad think about you that made Fukuda feel like he had to go talking about your business to whoever would listen?" asked Shimazaki. Sho was breathing in and out deeply…and his aura was doing all of those little giggles and hiccups it did…and maybe those were worse than the crying….he didn't know.
"Fukuda told my dad about Emmy because he thinks that I don't like girls…but I do! I do….sorry I shouted…and I do and….and dad was thinking stuff that wasn't true and…and Fukuda should have told him that he was being crazy and he needed to go to the crazy house…and…and Fukuda promised me that he would never tell…and he told…and he didn't even have to say anything." Said Sho. Shimazaki…well he was not going to address the fact that the kid was better off just admitting who he was to himself and diving into a big pile of guys…because that would have gotten him denying like crazy again. God. His teen years were going to either really suck or be really great depending on if he was still going to insist on shit that even Shimazaki could see wasn't true or if he admitted the truth to himself, already, and found himself in need of a wingman. He just held Sho close and patted him on the back. This would pass. Everything would pass.
"Fukuda sucks." Said Shimazaki. He wondered what would be a good way to make him pay. Maybe a dip in the ocean…yeah…that would have been good. He had earned it. Sho was so sad again…and he just needed to figure out how to make the kid happy…but he was stoned and stoned people should never have been unhappy….but there he was. God…this was so fucking hard….
"He does…he shouldn't have told dad….stuff that wasn't true…but…but it…it is and…and…and can you keep a secret?" asked Sho. Shimazaki's first impulse was to tell him that he would have kept a secret if there had been a secret to keep. The kid was at least bi if not gay and, yeah, that was fine by him and everyone who wasn't named President Suzuki. There wasn't any big secret….but he wasn't named Fukuda and he was not going to go telling Sho's business to everyone who would listen.
"You know I can. Well for you, anyway, you're one of two people I can keep a secret for…so feel honored." Said Shimazaki
"I do…I really do…and stuff. I trust you and…and I know that I can trust you…and stuff. I can trust you with this…and stuff." Said Sho
"You can trust me with anything." Said Shimazaki
"Ok…um…I like…I like yo-someone. Someone who's a boy and I like him a lot and I think about him all the time and I wish that I didn't, that I could just be normal, or if I could just be more like you. You like boys and girls and you don't think that you're weird and you do whatever you want to do and…and I wish that I could be more like you and be less like….me. I was born wrong. Everyone else was born right and I was born…wrong." said Sho. Shimazaki shook his head. He managed to pry Sho off of his and held him so they were eye to eye, well so they would have been eye to eye. People liked it, eye contact, even when you couldn't make eye contact. The kid had to listen and he had to listen good because Shimazaki wasn't going to repeat this.
"You're fine the way you are. There is nothing wrong with you. You're a good person, you're smart and funny and you're always up for anything and I love that about you. You do not want to be like me. You can only be like yourself and there is nothing wrong with you. You were not born wrong, you were not a mistake, and anyone who makes you feel like you're a mistake…they can go and die. They can all just go and drop dead because you were not a mistake and I, for one, am happy that you were born and I like you just the way you are." Said Shimazaki. He was talking to Sho, not himself, and he was telling Sho all the things that he needed to know. Sho was a good kid, a best kid, and he was just a kid. He didn't need to be sitting up awake at what felt like night with the same record going over and over and over again wondering what he had ever even been born for.
Sho did not deserve to feel like that.
Sho was a great kid. If Shimazaki had been someone's dad he would have wanted his kid to have been just like Sho. Minus the crush on him, of course, because that would have been weird and he was not into that. Still, he loved Sho like he was his own flesh and blood and if anyone…anyone that he could have killed had made Sho feel like that…then he would have killed them. They would have picked them up and let gravity do the work. If the person who made Sho feel like this had been anyone other than Suzuki then they would have been long dead…but it was Suzuki…
And he felt so powerless that he hated himself just a little bit.
"Ryou….I think I love you." Said Sho. Shimazaki knew what he meant by that, and he knew that if he hadn't been fucked up he never would have said that, and he knew that if he brought this up outside of the context of this moment of this day Sho would die of embarrassment….but he wasn't going to let this change the outcome.
"I love you too, as a friend, because you're one of the best friends that I have ever had and if I had a kid I would want him to be just like you….ok?" said Shimazaki. He had tact. He had tact and he could tell the kid he loved him back, not a lie, and he could make sure that the kid knew that the outcome would not be the one he wanted. Shimazaki knew what the outcome would be, they'd be best friends until one of them died, and he knew that nothing at all could change that outcome. It didn't matter how the kid felt, or how much he shouted in his ears, and also how badly he needed a bath they were still friends and always would be.
"Ryou….I think that I'm starving to death." Said Sho as he went back to hugging him tightly. Shimazaki couldn't help it, he laughed, because that was just the perfect follow up to all of that heavy shit. He sounded so little and freaked out there…and he wished that Toshi had bene there to hear that…or not actually…
"You're not starving, you're just stoned. Now come on, let's go to your house and listen to that Zoo-whatever movie you like and we'll eat some junk and it'll be a good day. How's that sound?" asked Shimazaki. Not the most fun day but being chill could be nice too. He hoped that the kid came down before Suzuki came back…but he could just teleport away the moment he heard Suzuki coming. The kid…he had a lot of shit going on…but at least Shimazaki could help.
"Ryou…that sounds like the best day ever…and do you have any coke? Because I think that I'm going to die of dehydration." Said Sho. Shimazaki knew what he meant…and maybe not the time to be coking a ten year old up. Toshi had barely forgiven him since the last time…and besides, the kid didn't need it. The fun kind anyway. Sho was sounding better and feeling better…and that was all he had set out to do. He hadn't set out for things to get as heavy as they did but…but at least he had managed to make Sho feel better.
Which was good since he was not at all a fan of sad people.