Moderation was important.

You had to use moderation or else you would overdo it…and nothing good came of overdoing it. Not with eating junk food, or drinking, or smoking, or anything really. Especially smoking, though, since when you overdid it you lost time and also you ate so much that you had a terrible stomach ache the next day. Like Sho'd had because he'd eaten all the food in the house. Well Shimazaki had helped but that had still been a lot of food. Mob didn't want that to happen again so she was teaching Sho moderation.

Or at least she was doing her best to teach him moderation.

"Sho, you can only have one more inhale and then you're done." Said Mob as she handed Sho her pen. Sho stuck his tongue out and took the pen from her hand. They were sitting together on the couch, he was leaning onto her and she had her arm around him, and she was trying to teach him about moderation. Also they were both trying to learn about music. Well Sho was trying to learn about music, he was the only one of them who cared about this. Not that Mob didn't like the Beatles, she did, she just didn't like them as much as Shimazaki did.

Also she'd had no idea that Sho liked the Beatles.

But there were a lot of things she didn't know about her own little brother, it seemed, like how he liked to smoke. She had never even offered…and she still wasn't all the way ok with this, but there was no going back to she had might as well teach him moderation. Shimazaki certainly wasn't going to teach him about moderation, he didn't even seem to know the meaning of the word, so it fell to Mob to teach Sho about moderation and not overdoing it.

Shimazaki could teach Sho about music. She could teach him about everything else.

"Two more. How about that?" asked Sho as he took big sis's pen from her. Sho didn't get why she was being like this. He knew what he was doing, Shimazaki taught him, he said that too much was never enough and the point was to get to the point where the world felt good and you felt good and everything felt good.

Sho was getting to that point now.

Big sis was warm and soft and the couch was comfortable and this was the best song in the whole world. This was the best band in the whole world. The best music in the world was here, in this album, or maybe it was the other album that was the best…Sho didn't know. All he knew was that he had to listen to all of these songs and remember them so then he and Shimazaki would have something new to talk about and they could listen to music together and it would nice since they were friends and that was what friends.

They were best friends and that was all…but that was ok.

"Ok, two more, but that's it. Ok? I don't want you to overdo it. You can do this so long as you use moderation." Said Mob. Moderation made it ok….and this was ok. Sho had been sad today because Shimazaki was busy and usually they had fun together and stuff. Well what they considered to be fun…leaving worms in bowls for people to find and telling them that they were noodles was mean….and so was leaving worms in Hatori's bed….but that was ok because Shimazaki was nice to Sho and he needed all the niceness that he could get to counteract dad's meanness…not that dad had been mean lately…but he had been very mean in the past…so this was ok. It was ok to smoke with Sho because now he felt better…and that was good. She wanted him to feel better and…and this was ok.

It really is.

"Too much is never enough." Said Sho before he inhaled. Shimazaki said that sometimes people worried about overdoing it but they were just worried about nothing. There was stuff that you could die from. Stuff that he said that Sho was too little for, but this wasn't something that you could die from so it was ok to smoke a whole lot. If Shimazaki said that it was ok then it was ok. He trusted Shimazaki. Shimazaki would never do anything to betray him.

Not like some people.

Sho was glad that Shimazaki had left Fukuda outside with no shoes on. Served him right, making him walk home like that, for going around telling Sho's secrets. He should have walked a thousand kilometers home with no shoes in the snow…but that wasn't what had happened. There was now snow on the ground because it was summer and also big sis had made Shimazaki go back for Fukuda because she was nice like that….

But that was ok because at least she hadn't betrayed him…like some people.

"That doesn't make sense. Too much is more than enough. That's what 'too much' means." Said Mob. She shook her head. He was getting to the point where he talked nonsense and when someone started talking nonsense it meant that it was time to cut them off. Minegishi had taught her that.

"No, too much is never enough. Shimazaki said so. He said that the point of this was to feel better so there's no such thing as too much…or….hang on." Said Sho. He just needed a minute. His thoughts kept on cutting in the line to become words and he just had to get them in order again. He could do that. He would do that….in a minute. He just needed to smoke more. That was all.

"Two more, ok? You're starting to not make sense." Said Mob as Sho inhaled from her pen again. There. Two more and then he would be done and then they could….well they could do this or something else. The important thing was to get him to stop smoking. The important thing was to teach him how to get high without getting stoned. How to smoke just enough that you felt better but not so much that you stopped making sense and you spent an hour feeling your socks on your feet…and her socks did feel very good on her feet. These were another pair of new socks…and they were so soft…and now she was going to have to stop too. She didn't want Sho to see her like that and think that it was ok to get like that all the time.

"Two more…and then more later." Said Sho. He could have told her that he was ten years old now and that he could decide things for himself and stuff….but that would have been fighting with her and he did not feel like fighting with her right now. He felt like smoking and feeling good and being happy so that was what he was going to do. He was going to smoke and feel good and be happy…

And also listen to this song. This was the best song in the world.

He could see why Shimazaki liked these guys. They always sounded so happy. It was like in their world, they came from the land of submarines but not really because that was just a song, everything always worked out ok. Even though in real life they broke up because everyone turned on the best one, John, just because he brought his girlfriend to practices and also because he did something called heroin which Shimazaki said was no big deal but also that Sho was never to think about touching or his life would be ruined forever…and stuff. Sho didn't know what heroin was but if Shimazaki said not to touch it then he wouldn't. Sho didn't know much about these guys, just that they were nice people and made the best music in the whole world and also John was the best one, but if Shimazaki told him to like them then he would.

He would do whatever Shimazaki asked of him.

"Ok….but later. After…ten songs." Said Mob. That seemed like later enough to get back to it. Dad would be back in…well not for a long time. She had no idea what he was even doing here, he said that she didn't need to know, but she knew that when everyone was gone somewhere at once it meant that something big was happening and that meant that he would be gone for a while. So she and Sho could smoke for a while…

But not get stoned because that would have been too much.

Even though she wanted to smoke until she got stoned. She wanted to smoke so much…the most….but also she had to be a good example. She was the big sister and being the big sister, being the one in charge, meant that she had to put her own happiness aside. Dad had said so, too, before. He hadn't been talking about smoking, no he had been talking about all the work he did for Claw, and he had said that they moved all the time now and he gave most of himself to Claw now so that Claw would flourish. He couldn't afford to be selfish because that would have been throwing all of his work and most of his life away….so Mob couldn't set a bad example for Sho. Dad had to give up years of his life for Claw…so Mob could give up on being stoned for Sho.

Also she needed to practice moderation too. She couldn't expect one thing from Sho and not from herself.

"Nine songs." Said Sho. He didn't want to wait for ten whole songs…but he also knew that she wouldn't let him keep going. Sometimes it was best to make her think that she'd won when she hadn't. Shimazaki had taught him that. Shimazaki had said that sometimes you had to let the other person think that they'd won so then they'd just stop fighting with you. You couldn't lie, though, because people didn't like liars but you had to take what you could…and stuff. Sho didn't know. It would come to him later.

"Ok, nine songs." Said Mob. Sometimes it was best to just let Sho think that he won. She knew that he wanted to keep on smoking, and probably to never stop smoking, but she had to put down rules for him. Nine was a good amount of songs. A good compromise. Practically ten. If he had said something like five songs or six songs then they would have had to talk but nine was a good number…a lucky number…like the Galaxy Express three nines….and that was a good show…and stuff. She didn't know. Her brain was sort of fuzzy.

"Can we smoke the real stuff? It's better than the pen. This tastes like citrus. It makes my mouth itchy." Said Sho as he handed big back her pen. He used his powers to reach down and get his Coke bottle. Shimazaki said that Coke was the greatest thing ever and they should have Coke every day all day…but then he told Sho never to have that much Coke or he would die. Sho liked Coke and Shimazaki liked Coke so he decided that all he would drink was Coke…but also one glass of water a day so he wouldn't die like Shimazaki's Seeing Eye dog did when he had been little. That poor dog…he wondered if Shimazaki was still sad about that. He'd ask later. Maybe he'd like a new dog…they could get a dog when they were adults and stuff and they all lived together.

Well they all lived together now.

But he figured that Minegishi would end up living with big sis since they were best friends and then Hatori would move in with them too since he was going to end up marrying big sis and married people were supposed to live together. Dad would live with them too since big sis was his favorite kid and Hatori was his friend so he'd end up living with them and then it would be Sho and Shimazaki all alone together…also Shiibata really wanted to be married and have a family so Sho could find some lady who liked him and then he would have his own house and then he and Shimazaki could be all alone…and stuff…

Or maybe not.

Maybe it would be better if they all lived together, minus dad, and also minus Fukuda. That way then…it would be less…like the stuff that Sho thought about. The cheating thoughts that he was having right now. The thoughts about him and Shimazaki having bunk beds together, with a slide because slides were awesome, and then they'd share a room and…and stuff. Or not stuff. No stuff. Maybe stuff. Stuff was stuff. He didn't know. All he knew was that…that he really wished that he was a grown up because then dad would be off ruling the world and he could be with his friends all the time and…and stuff. And he could do this every single day.

Every single moment of every single day for the rest of his life.

"Um…not in the house or dad's going to be able to smell it. Ok? Let me see if I have one without citrus….Shimazaki got me a bunch of new ones." Said Mob. She untangled herself from Sho and then brought her bag over with her powers. Inside she had a case with all the different ones labeled. She wondered who had labeled these. She knew that he couldn't write. She wondered where he even got these from….and she hoped that he wasn't stealing or anything like that….because that would have been wrong….

More wrong than smoking with her little brother, anyway.

This felt…well not wrong but….but she knew that he didn't need….well he did sort of need….kids were not supposed smoke…so that was why she felt bad about this. That was all. She was teaching Sho moderation so this was ok…even though he didn't seem to want to learn about moderation. She could feel his aura, and see it, and it seemed sort of…mad. She didn't know why. She was trying to find one without citrus in it since it hurt him….that was all.

She didn't understand him sometimes.

"Sho? Is something wrong? I have one with cookies in the name…there shouldn't be any citrus in this." said Mob

"Nothing's wrong." Said Sho with his arms crossed. He didn't want to talk about this…and also his arm skin was so….weird. He rubbed his arms together. He felt…he could feel his scars. They were rubbing up against each other. Scar against scar against scar….over and over again. He could feel….he closed his eyes. They felt…the same…but different. He felt his arms and…and he had scars…but he would tattoo over them when he got older. He'd get…he'd get cats and dogs and birds and fish and mice and rats and hamsters and dragons, a lot of dragons, and a picture of big sis on one arm and…and a giant dragon over his tree. Just like the one Shimazaki had. That way they'd match but he would be the only one to know that they matched…and it would be like his secret…thing….even though he already had so many secrets…well he had one less because of Fukuda…and he was such a jerk…and Sho hoped that he was ok….since he was all alone with nobody to talk to…and stuff….

He stopped feeling his arms.

Now he felt his shirt. He went up and down, up and down, just like the music went up and down and up and down. All the lonely people….where did they all come from? Fukuda was a lonely person. He was the loneliest person that Sho knew. His mom and dad were dead, his best friend was dad, he had no kids, he had no real friends, and he had no girlfriend. He was all alone and that was…so sad…it was sad and Sho should have been there and….and he wasn't going to go and visit Fukuda because he wasn't even home but….but still. Sho shouldn't have left him all alone because he was so lonely…and Sho's stomach was so…he had scars there, too. He would get…he would get something there. Maybe another dragon….since those were good tattoos…and stuff…or maybe something else…he didn't know….Fukuda would have known…but he was a traitor and a jerk…

And also he was a very lonely person….Sho knew where the lonely people came from.

"Are you ok? Is that good skin touching or bad skin touching?" asked Mob. She knew that he didn't like his scars. He used to think that they were cool but now he wore long sleeves and long pants without even being told…and she hoped that he wasn't sad or mad or anything…and she hoped that she hadn't made him mad or anything.

He reached out.

She had been in the middle of scooting away from him before she stopped herself. She knew that he would never hit her again. He had said, before, that he was done with all of that. Also he was ten now and ten year olds did not hit. Things were different and…and she leaned back in close. He reached over and felt her stomach, the sweater over her stomach. She figured that these were good touches. She looked at his eyes. He was squinting again…

Oh. Right. His tolerance wasn't as good as hers.

"I don't know. Stuff is soft. You're soft. Why are you always wearing this sweater? It's hot out…is it because it's soft? Soft things are…they're soft….and stuff." asked Sho as he felt big sis's sweater. It was soft. He wondered if that was why she wore it so much, because it was soft, he could feel it. He closed his eyes, he could feel it, and he knew that it was a sweater. Even with his eyes closed he knew that it was a sweater. That was because he had seen it before. Shimazaki, if he had been feeling it, might have thought that it had been something else…like a shirt or a blanket…because he had trouble with clothes…and he could have…if Sho had been wearing that sweater then he would have been close and….and Sho was not the one in the sweater. Big sis was. Shimazaki had liked her and he might have….Sho didn't know. He pulled away and crossed his arms.

"You can keep on feeling my sweater, that's fine. See, this is why I have to teach you about moderation and stuff. It hit you hard, didn't it? Well that's ok. That's normal. Here. You can feel my sweater some more." Said Mob. She pulled her sweater away from herself and pressed it against Sho's hand…but he just shook his head and kept his arms crossed.

"….don't want to feel your sweater anymore…" said Sho. He didn't know why he kept on thinking about Shimazaki and big sis. Well he thought about Shimazaki all the time, and he was with big sis, and that might have been it…and also he used to like her…and stuff…and he just….Sho didn't even know. He had been feeling good before…and he wanted to keep on feeling good…but now he felt…not so good.

"Ok. Well when the nine songs are over we can smoke some more…and then you'll feel better probably…but also you might feel better if you talk to me and tell me what's wrong." Said Mob. She could see him and she could see his aura. Something was wrong and she was the only person who could fix it…and if this was about smoking again then she could make it eight songs. There. That would be good.

"I don't want to talk about it. You wouldn't get it." Said Sho. He couldn't talk to her or to anyone about this. Nobody would get it. She wouldn't get it. She liked Hatori. She liked him and she could be with him, well she could have been with him if he had been less of a baby, and she just…she could like who she liked and she could love who she loved and…and he just…

Did not want to talk about it.

He wanted to get back to smoking. He didn't want to talk about this…because there was nothing to talk about. So what if he liked Shimazaki? He was cool. He was nice. When Sho told him things he listened. When Sho told him to keep a secret he kept it. He always wanted to be around Sho. He always wanted to hang out with Sho. He never bossed Sho around, not once, and when he told him to do stuff it made sense…like about not eating random woods berries and about how he shouldn't be mean to Minegishi or they'd come after him…not that he was afraid of them but still. Shimazaki thought about him, but not like he was a baby, and he just….Shimazaki looked at him. Shimazaki looked at him and saw…Sho. Not someone who was a kid who had to be taken care of, not someone who messed everything up all the time, and not someone who was just…the gum on the bottom of his shoe. No, Shimazaki looked at him and saw….him.

And he did not want to talk to big sis about that.

"You can try me. Maybe I will. I want to be there for you and stuff….and also here. Feel my sweater. It's soft." Said Mob. When you smoked you felt everything a lot more…for her it was physical but for him….maybe he just had a lot of feelings right now. She didn't know. She just knew that he was her little brother and she loved him and she would be there for him in whatever way he needed her to be.

"Big sis….I don't know. I just…don't know. Just….why does Shimazaki keep on giving you stuff?" asked Sho with his arms crossed. He didn't know what Shimazaki saw in big sis and…and he knew that big sis didn't like him and…and he should have been happy that Shimazaki, his best friend, was friends with his sister but…he wasn't. He didn't know. Maybe because she had liked him before…or he had liked her before…or because dad had beaten him up for liking big sis…he didn't know. All he knew was that his feelings…they weren't good feelings…when he thought about big sis and Shimazaki and…and how much time they spent together.

"Because he's my friend. Well he's both of our friend, you best friend, but he's my friend too…and also I don't think that you should have your own until you can learn about moderation. I don't want you to overdo it all the time. It's not good for you. You lose time and your tolerance goes up and stuff." Said Mob

"I know he's your friend but…just….I don't know. I'm just being…I don't know. You still like Hatori, right?" asked Sho

"Sho, why are you asking me that?" asked Mob. She didn't know why he cared so much. Boys didn't normally care about this kind of thing and he especially had never cared about this kind of thing before. People falling in love and stuff. He hated love. He used to make like he was about to throw up whenever there was a kissing scene in a movie. Maybe things were different now that he had a girlfriend and he loved her and stuff…but she still didn't want to talk about this to him. She didn't know why he was trying to push her together with Hatori, anyway, since that whole thing was just….it didn't affect him…unless he just wanted her to be happy. She could understand that.

"Because I just…want to know. For reasons. I mean you liked him a lot before, I could tell, but now it's like…you don't like him but you should and you could and you could be with him but you just…aren't." said Sho. The words in his head were getting all jumbled again…but at least he hadn't told her the truth. No. Even she couldn't know about that. She would always love him but….but he didn't want her or anyone else to ever know.

"Um…that's…kind of complicated." Said Mob. She hadn't smoked nearly enough to want to talk about Hatori and how she felt about him to her little brother. She had stopped being in love with him at the party when he had confessed to Minegishi and also after he had done all of that gross stuff…but now that was done with. He was better at taking care of himself and he stopped drinking because he figured out that he was bad at it and also he had stopped being in love with Minegishi…so now she had no reason not to like him…but she didn't know if she still liked him or…or she just wanted to kiss him. You could kiss someone without being their girlfriend, Minori said that was called being friends with benefits, but Mob…she wasn't going to kiss him anywhere outside of her own head…and even then she shouldn't have been thinking about that…because thinking about that made her feel gross…and also…

Also a lot of other things that her little brother did not need to know about.

He did not need to know about how she wanted to kiss Hatori for real, like she had seen Shimazaki and Minegishi kiss, and how she wanted to know what it was like to hold his hand…and to be held by him…and also the even worse things she thought about sometimes. Things that she did not want to think about. Things like how she wanted….how sometimes she would lay down in her bed and think about what it would have been like if he had been in the room with her and…and stuff like that. Gross stuff. Stuff that she did not want to even think about.

Stuff that made her feel gross all over.

Gross like how she felt when Fukuda had said that he had thought about her doing that sort of stuff with Shimazaki. Just…she wasn't going to do that with him or with anyone and…and she didn't even want…that. She wanted…she wanted so badly to be kissed and held and loved…and stuff…but not that stuff. Not all of the stuff…and maybe that was weird. She didn't even know about all of the stuff and she had been eleven for a while now….and Minori knew about all of the stuff and she was Mob's age….so maybe Mob should have…looked it up or something…but she had already seen too much…that had not been a good day….and she just…didn't want to see all of that…but she did want to be kissed….

And even wanting that, wanting to be kissed, made her feel gross….

But that was a lot of stuff that Sho did not need to know about. He was little. He didn't even think about stuff like that…and when he did she would take care not to make him feel gross. She would tell him that it was ok to want to be kissed and touched...even though she did not want to think about him kissing or touching anyone….because she didn't want him to feel gross. She wanted him to be happy and…and she wanted him to have someone to love and who loved him back…and he did…and she wanted that and…

And, really, that was a lot to put on her own little brother, so she wouldn't

"What's complicated? Either you're in love with him and you want to marry him and have ten or twenty babies with him or you don't." said Sho. It wasn't complicated for her, it was easy, because she could like who she liked. That was just another way that she had been born right and he had been born wrong. He liked…someone who he was not supposed to like…and he had cheating thoughts almost every day….and he sucked like that. He really fucking sucked. She didn't. She was lucky like that. Like dad had said. She was born lucky and he was lucky to have been born…and not just because they hadn't had to cut her out of mom like they'd had to do for him. She had been born with her powers and she liked who she was supposed to like and dad loved her the most and…and…

And he really wanted to smoke whatever was in that pen that she was holding.

"Um…that's a lot of babies…" said Mob. She did not want to think about that. She thought about that enough as it was. Dad was always taking about how great things would be once she had her kids and they lived together in the house he would build for them….and stuff. She thought, sometimes, that instead of being super eager to be a grandpa to her kids he could have been more of a dad to Sho, but she never said that. She didn't much want to think about how she would have to grow up and be someone's mom and take care of her kids and dad…and she certainly did not want to throw Hatori into the mix.

She wasn't even sure if she wanted to marry him.

She knew that people did not have to be married to kiss and do all of the other stuff…but she did know that she wanted to do all of that with someone who she loved and who loved her…and she didn't know if she loved Hatori. Did thinking about him like this mean that she loved him? Or was he just the only boy she knew who was even close to being her age? Or did she just really like how he looked and how nice he was to her? But wait, wasn't that the same thing as being in love with him? She didn't know. All she knew was that she didn't want to talk about this with her own little brother.

She had forgotten how many songs had passed but she really wanted to smoke whatever was in this pen.

"I know but I figured that's how many you would have since you like babies…and I like them too and when you and Hatori get married and have babies then I'm going to play with them and teach them things and be a good big brother." Said Sho. Just like with baby sis. He would be there and he would play with them and teach them how to walk and talk and why they were the best babies in the world and even though they would be….well he had no idea what they would be like…and there would be no 'even though' because he loved them so much….and they hadn't even been born yet…but maybe that didn't matter. They would be babies and he would love them no matter what.

"Sho…you would be their uncle…and-" said Mob. That was…a lot. She didn't…she had no idea how she felt about that. Dad…he had already planned her future out…and now Sho had a plan for her future and…and she just….she wanted to smoke and she didn't care what song they were on…but she didn't because she had to…to teach Sho about moderation.

And obviously he needed to learn about moderation if he thought that she was going to have ten or twenty kids when she grew up.

"Ok, then I'll be the best uncle in the world…and stuff. Even if your kids are just like Hatori since they'll be his kids and he'll be their dad and you'll be their mom." Said Sho. There. That was what the future would be and he didn't have to worry, at all, about how she would have been able to be with Shimazaki and he was always with her and…and stuff. She was just….she was with someone and he had to…he didn't know. He felt a loose thread on his shirt.

He pulled on it.

It came off. It came off and now it was in his hand. He held it up. Big sis was looking at her. He held up the thread…but it blew away. The air conditioner was going full blast because it was summer outside…and big sis was wearing her sweater inside…and she must have been way too warm…but she didn't seem to care. She just watched the string as it blew away and got stuck to the coach.

He left it there.

"Sho….I don't know about all of that. Hatori…is a nice person and…and I like him as a friend and…and really I don't want to talk about this right now…and I don't….like how you keep on pushing me to be with him. Why do you keep on doing that? Do you want me to be happy or do you just want me to have a baby so you can play with the baby…which I won't be doing because I'm eleven and people my age don't have babies….and stuff." Said Mob. She wished that he would just stop it already…but that wasn't something that she would want to get into with her little brother. She would ask him why and then…and then they would not fight…because she had been sort of mean and pushy and stuff lately. She had been mean to dad to get him to be nice to Sho and she had been mean to Fukuda and Shimazaki to get them to stop fighting and she had been mean to Minori because of…stuff that she would rather not remember…and she just…did not want to be mean. She hated being mean.

She just wanted to be nice.

She wanted to be nice and she wanted everyone else to be nice and she just…she wanted everything to be nice. She wanted to feel nice again. She had a pen in her hand. Maybe this had been enough moderation. Maybe she could just…have a little bit. Enough to make her less….this feeling. Frustrated. Enough to make her feel less frustrated. When she was frustrated…she got mean…and she didn't want to be mean…

She wanted to be nice, to be normal, and to be herself.

"I just want…you to be with him. Because then you'll be happy and you'll have someone and…and stuff…and you won't want to be with…someone else. Hatori is nice to you and he makes you happy and…and you guys are a lot alike." Said Sho. He didn't want to tell her that if she liked Hatori she wouldn't like Shimazaki. He didn't want to tell her about…about anything. About how he wanted…about everything that he wanted. About how he just…he just…he didn't know. He didn't know and he didn't…he didn't know.

He knew that it had been about nine songs.

That meant that now, he could, smoke whatever was in her hand. He could smoke and eh could feel better….and that was the point of this, right? To feel better. That was what Shimazaki had said, anyway, he said that when you thought bad thoughts then you could push them away. He said that your brain didn't like to let go of things, that sometimes it would remind you of the worst moments of your life for no reason, and sometimes it would make you act weird, too. He had been talking about how sometimes he felt everything, how sometimes he felt nothing, and how sometimes he even said that unless people were looking at him he felt like he was all alone in the world. He hadn't been talking about how…how sometimes thoughts about people….about being with them…and about how they were just…the coolest and best person ever…would just pop into your mind. About how you could just be sitting there on the couch next to your sister and then you could think about someone else and then you could remember how that someone had been beaten up so bad for liking your sister and then you thought about how you liked that person and about how they could still like your sister and…

And sometimes your thoughts just raced around in a circle like that and you needed to make them stop.

That was what smoking was for. Smoking and drinking and all the things that Shimazaki had told him about. Things that he said that they would do together when he was older. That meant that they would still be friends, still be together, when he was older…and he wanted that. Not just for the way he felt but…but he wanted everyone to be together when he got older. He reached over and took the thread, the one he had pulled from his shirt, and tried to put it back on….but it wouldn't stick. Of course it wouldn't stick…it was gone, separate, and it was lonely. He knew where the lonely thread came from but he had no idea where it belonged since it wouldn't reattach.

All the lonely people….

He wondered if…if he had been…he didn't know. He could feel more thoughts. Thoughts about how he had been a jerk to Fukuda…even though he had been a traitor first…and about how he had nobody. Thoughts about how Shimazaki wasn't around and how…how even next to his big sis he could feel lonely….like he was one of the lonely people….and stuff. He just…he felt…he felt a lot and he felt…he felt his scars. He could feel the on his arms and under his fingers and…and he just wanted…he wanted things to be ok. He wanted the future to be ok, like the one in his head, and then everything could be…things were so good in his head…but also not so good…

But smoking could make things better. Shimazaki said so.

"Sho….I'm happy that you want me to be happy but….but things are more complicated than that and…and I think that we went through the whole album since they're singing about Eleanor Rigby again…and….and how about we just….let's try this one. It has cookies in the names so maybe there's no citrus." Said Mob. She knew that she should have been teaching Sho about moderation, and she knew that based on how he was touching everything that he didn't need to smoke anymore, but…but also…she wanted to make him happy and…and she wanted to stop talking about all of this and…and she wanted them to be ok…and she wanted…she wanted…a lot of things. She wanted him to be happy, she wanted him to stop planning her future, but most of all she wanted to stop being frustrated with him. She had been so frustrated lately and she was not a nice person when she was frustrated…and she just…wanted to be a good person and…and she just wanted…..she wanted…..

She wanted to teach him about moderation…but she also wanted them both to have a nice time, so maybe she could teach him about all of that later.