Sho knew that Shimazaki had a life….he had just never thought about it before.
But now he had no choice but to think about it. Shimazaki's life and his other friends. People he knew that Sho didn't. Stuff that he did that Sho was not a part of. He had no choice now but to notice, to think about it, since he was in his friend's house right now flipping through his drawings while Shimazaki laid down on the floor arguing with him about…well….it seemed like everything.
But mostly about Sho.
Sho didn't get what this guy's deal was. Sho was ten, not two, and it wasn't like he was going to mess with any of his stuff…even though he wanted to know how it worked. How you drew on human skin. Well he was about to find out how it worked, the needles and stuff, because as soon as he picked out he drawing that he thought was the best then Shimazaki was going to have his friend draw it into his skin with all of those sharp needles…and Sho could take it. Seeing it. He had seen a million times worse in the movies. He knew that he would be able to stomach seeing his best friend getting poked over and over again…or maybe by a bunch at once like acupuncture….or maybe just with that giant one over there…
Sho could take it, whatever was coming, he could take it all and then some. He wasn't a baby.
"Shimazaki, stop bringing kids here! I do not need kids here!" said Shimazaki's friend. His adult friend. His friend who was an actual adult. Shimazaki folded his hands behind his head….Sho went back to flipping through his drawings….and then crossed his legs. He laid there with his arms crossed behind his head and his leg crossed over the other one and Sho…he had to keep looking down at his drawings.
"Relax he's fine. This is the girl's brother, actually, and he's one hell of an artist I hear." Said Shimazaki. Sho didn't look up….he couldn't look up. He could feel his face heating up…and he did not need Shimazaki sensing that or his friend seeing….his friend who Sho did not know the name of and did not care to know the name of. His friend who had had known for years, for longer than Sho had been alive, and who had done most of his tattoos…and who would be doing his newest tattoo….because that was what he did…that was the sort of friend that he was to Shimazaki….the sort of friend who…did stuff like that…
And that was ok.
Shimazaki had friends and stuff. He was supposed to have friends and stuff. Sho was happy…well he knew that he had to be happy….for Shimazaki. A lot of people didn't like him because they had trouble seeing how awesome he was. So he should have been happy that Shimazaki had a friend…and not just a friend but a friend…a friend who drew really well. Sho didn't have to look up to see how well his friend drew. He had seen Shimazaki's tattoos, all of them, and he could have drawn them blindfolded…on paper. Not skin. And with a pen or a pencil or a marker or a crayon. Not with a needle.
And doing pictures on skin was a hell of a lot cooler than drawing on paper.
"So, what, you're honestly going to have me tattoo a kid's drawing on you? What the fuck are you on right now?" asked Shimazaki's friend. Sho glared down at his drawing. He knew that if he were to look up then he would have done much worse than glare. That guy had the nerve to talk to Shimazaki like that….the nerve! Well fuck him then! Shimazaki was his best friend, and the coolest guy ever, and if Shimazaki wanted one of his drawings on his body for the rest of time then that was what he was going to get! Sho wished that he knew how tattooing worked. Then he could have done it himself. He could have taken one of his drawings, or all of his drawings, and then covered Shimazaki from head to toe in them and then…and then he could have covered up that stupid skin picture of Minegishi, too, while he was at it…
God, he hated that stupid thing….
"Sober as a judge, actually." Said Shimazaki. There was a pause and then he and his friend started to laugh…and Sho didn't get it. He got the feeling that this wasn't for him to get, like when he and big sis said 'do you wanna build a snowman' when it snowed and dad didn't get it. Well Sho wished…he wished that he could have gotten it. He and Shimazaki….they had their own stuff…and they could have done their own stuff…and they should have done their own stuff. They could have been doing literally anything else…but instead he was here figuring out what Shimazaki's next tattoo was going to be…and that was…that was a lot….
But so was meeting one of his other friends.
"Yeah….that's not very sober. Seriously, I am not doing this to you when you're fucked up. Remember last time? I remember last time." Said Shimazaki's friend. Sho wished that he remembered last time…that he had been there last time…that he had been there all the times. He wished…well they had known each other for longer than Sho had been alive. They were from the same yakuza family and he was the guy who did all of their tattoos. Sho wished that he could have been born into a yakuza family, then he could have known Shimazaki for his whole life, but instead he had to be born into the Suzuki family and he had only known Shimazaki for three years…which felt like a long time to him but wasn't, in fact, very long at all.
"I don't remember the last time so it's fine." Said Shimazaki. Sho felt the goldfish in his stomach swim up into his heart. That was good. That meant that maybe they weren't very good friends after all. Shimazaki couldn't remember…and that was good…and it was ok to feel this way. He had read in the books that….Minegishi…had gotten him that it was normal to want to always be around someone and to be their only friend and that was called love but also it was ok to let them have other friends and it was ok to feel this way about a person who was a boy, or a girl, or neither….so Sho was ok.
The way he felt was ok.
Well not according to dad but dad was dad. He didn't think that anything was ok. He had a plan for Sho's life and it didn't involve being Shimazaki's boyfriend…..anything more than his best friend. He can't even think the word boyfriend without wanting to run and hide….but he doesn't. He doesn't because it's not his house, thank God because it was filthy even by his standards, and also because….because then he would have to explain why he had been hiding…and Shimazaki could never know how he felt. Ever. That was why Sho didn't smoke with him that often. He had said it before but Shimazaki had thought that he meant friend love…and there was no way he was going to tell him the truth…the truth about how he felt about him….
The way he felt was ok….but that didn't mean that Shimazaki needed to know.
"Shimazaki, come on. You know that I can't do this when you're fucked up. You teleport away, which fucks the whole piece up, or you bleed out because you forgot to tell me that you were drunk or something….so if you're fucked up then you need to take this kid and get the fuck out of here…and make sure nobody sees you leaving. I need all of my fingers for my craft and, honestly, you aren't worth losing a finger over." Said Shimazaki's friend. Sho wanted to tell him to bite his fingers off and choke on them. Shimazaki was too worth losing a finger over! Hell, he was worth losing two fingers and a thumb! And as far as his so called craft went his lines were shaky, his shading was shitty, and he was probably color blind!
So there!
"Well I'm not very fucked up…and I haven't been drinking today so I'm good. Anyway what do you care about Sho? He's a kid but he's cool." Said Shimazaki. Sho did his best to keep his aura from showing how he felt. Shimazaki wasn't so good at facial expressions but he could hear auras…and Sho knew that his aura must have been screaming 'I'm in love with you Shimazaki Ryou and I want you to love me back' over and over again like the time they taught those parrots at the pet store to curse.
"I don't want to go to prison or end up losing a finger….or worse. Shimazaki, that's what I care, I like being able to work and, you know, be alive. I don't know where that kid came from, and if someone's telling you that's your son then I'd suggest you get a blood test done." Said Shimazaki's friend.
"He's not my kid but I love him like a son. Like the son I never had….well I might have some sons out there…but this is the kid who I think of as my kid." Said Shimazaki. Sho…he was happy that Shimazaki liked him…but he hated it when Shimazaki said things like that. He had a dad, he was called Suzuki Touichirou and he was a jerk, and he didn't want Shimazaki to be anything like a dad. He wanted Shimazaki to be a best friend…or a boy….boyfriend…..but that last part was only in his brain and only when he was all alone!
"Well just make sure that nobody thinks that's your kid…for his sake. Seriously. Things haven't cooled down in the least bit…actually they might have even picked up a little…" said Shimazaki's friend.
"Who cares? Things are the way they are and I stand behind what I did and if I get shot at or whatever then it is what it is. The kid, well I can keep him safe. That's pretty much my whole job these days, his body guard." Said Shimazaki. Sho wished that he hadn't said that…that this was his job. Being Sho's friend and taking care of him and stuff. They….they had only met because dad needed a bodyguard…and they had only started hanging out because dad had gotten sick of him…and also because he'd tried to go out with big sis….and he just…he wanted to think of them as friends…but friends without all of that…and stuff…
All the stuff….
None of the stuff. He knew that stuff was….normal. Wanting to kiss someone and be around them all the time was a normal part of growing up….and he….he was normal. He was the most normal….and stuff. He didn't know. He did know. He did and did not know and…and stuff…and now he was looking up….and he didn't want to look up because Shimazaki was laying on the ground with his shirt off and Sho could see all of his tattoos…and Sho….he liked his tattoos…and he went back to what he had been looking at.
He needed to pick out a tattoo and he needed to do that now.
"Yeah, well, I'd prefer not to get shot at…or worse. You know how many times they've tried to get your whereabouts out of me? Too many times, man, way too many times….and I don't feel like going through that again! Seriously. I've known you since forever, and you've been a good canvas, and shit…but I do not need to get shot at…and I don't need to end up in prison, either, and there is enough on me to get me put away for life!" said Shimazaki's friend
"You've been shot at before and as far as prison goes you know that I'd break you out. Come on. Who do you think you're talking to?" asked Shimazaki. Yeah, Shimazaki could break out of anywhere! He could go anywhere and do anything and he was the coolest guy ever and anyone who doubted him could go choke on dicks in a public bathroom for ten yen coins…and not even have any customers even during Golden Week!
"The absolute LAST person who I should be talking to….and nobody saw you come in, right? If the family knows that you're here then I'm in for it." Said Shimazaki's friend. He actually looked around while he said that. Shimazaki wasn't scared at all…he was never scared of anything. Even yakuza guys…and they weren't that scary. He had seen enough yakuza movies to know that those guys weren't that scary….and even if they were Shimazaki was crazy powerful.
"The family can suck my dick." Said Shimazaki. Sho laughed. He couldn't help it. It was just so funny! Suck my dick….that was hilarious. He could almost hear Fukuda in his head telling him that his language was terrible…well fuck Fukuda. He could go suck a whole box of dicks! Ones that had been cut off of gross people!
"Yeah, well, we don't both have super powers now do we?" said Shimazaki's friend.
"The kid does." Said Shimazaki. He nudged Sho with his foot….and Sho felt like he was going to die right there….and stuff…and he just…he didn't die but….he just…he picked up a drawing and clutched it to his chest. That would make the goldfish in his stomach stop….but it didn't….but maybe at least it would muffle the sound of his heartbeat so Shimazaki couldn't here.
"Great. There's more of you. Well one of you had better save me when there's a knock at the door….and one of these days there will be a knock…since you keep coming back to Tokyo like a moron…" said Shimazaki's friend
"Well when that knock comes I'll deal with it, ok? So stop freaking out and just cover in whatever the kid decides is his best drawing. If someone knocks, if by some miracle the family figures out that I'm here, then I'll deal with it like I always have, ok?" asked Shimazaki
"Fine….fine…but if someone asks I am not lying. You don't…you don't want to lie to the new father….he's…worse than the old one….and he has it out for you since what you did to his daughter-" said Shimazaki's friend. Shimazaki shook his head. Sho wondered what he had done to the guy's daughter. Maybe he had broken her doll or something when they had been kids….or something. Sho didn't know. You weren't supposed to be mean to girls unless you had a good reason like them being mean to you first…or something. He didn't know. He and Shimazaki never really messed with girls.
"What I did WITH his Daughter. God, you make it sound like I did something terrible." Said Shimazaki
"….yeah, no, not getting into this in front of a six year old." Said Shimazaki's friend. Sho wanted to ball up his drawing and throw it…and he almost did….but he stopped himself. Sho needed to be calm and not act like a little kid because he was not a little kid. He was not six. He was ten, ten and a half, and he could handle things. He could handle hearing whatever Shimazaki had done to that girl. Like if he had pushed her down or cut off one of her braids or something. Sho could handle anything. He was Suzuki Sho.
And he was not a six year old.
"Hey, for your information I'm ten and half." Said Sho. He looked Shimazaki's friend in the eye while he said that. In Sho's opinion that guy needed to learn to keep his mouth shut. Sho wasn't six, he was ten and a half, and he had been very close to fucking that guy up…but he wouldn't because then Shimazaki would have been pissed at him.
"Yeah, he's ten. Get into whatever you want to get into, he can handle it and I'm not ashamed of what I did. Life's too short for shame." Said Shimazaki
"…still not talking about that in front of a kid. Anyway, what the hell am I supposed to tattoo onto you? And WHERE, exactly, am I supposed to put this thing on you?" asked Shimazaki's friend. He motioned to Shimazaki's chest…and…and Sho wanted….well he wanted him to stop looking…and stuff.
"Good question. Sho, you pick something out yet?" asked Shimazaki. It took Sho a second before he realized that he had been talked to. He had been busy staring at…staring at stuff that he wasn't supposed to be staring at…and he shouldn't have been staring at all because staring was really rude…and stuff….and other stuff…and he just had to stop thinking and…and other stuff….
So he handed Shimazaki the paper he had been holding.
"I love it, it's beautiful! Now get to work! WE don't have all day." Said Shimazaki. He was holding it upside down and backwards…and maybe Sho shouldn't have handed it to him…since he had no idea why he had thought that Shimazaki had been the one to hand it to….
"Um…." Said Sho. He wanted to say sorry. He wanted to say that he hadn't been thinking. He wanted to say that he hadn't meant to not have had been thinking…and he wanted to say…well he wanted to say a lot of things…and stuff….but he just couldn't get any worse out because that stupid goldfish had moved up from his heart to his throat! Stupid fucking thing!
"It's upside down, isn't it?" asked Shimazaki
"Give me that….yeah. This isn't going to fit anywhere on your chest, stomach, or back." Said Shimazaki's friend
"What even is it?" asked Shimazaki. Sho felt so dumb. He should have asked first. Shimazaki was probably going to hate it…and he knew that he had to be the one to explain it…since he was the one who drew it and the one who got it…and maybe he should have drawn a better drawing…one that you wouldn't have to work hard to understand….or something.
"….a dragon eating a cup of pudding….the kind that you like that comes with the sprinkles and the flavored spoon…thing. I mean because you have a lot of dragons already….and you like them…and also that's your favorite kind of pudding…so I thought that you would like it….and I used a lot of colors because you like it when people look at you….and stuff…" said Sho quietly. That had been a stupid drawing. He should have picked the one of that traitor after he went splat, or the one of the time Shimazaki had found that momma possum and thought that she was a giant rat…and then the momma possum but them a bunch of times….or the one of dogs playing cards….but maybe not that one since Sho had copied that from an art book….
His drawing must have sucked….and then Shimazaki would tell him that his drawing sucked…and then he would think that his friend was a better artist…and stuff….stuff like that.
"Sho…you're awesome. Ok, cover me in that." Said Shimazaki. He sat up and hugged Sho really quick, just a one armed hug, but it had been enough to make him want to swallowed a cup of salt to kill the goldfish in his throat…well it had moved down to his heart again….but still!
"Where? And how? This is a lot of color, a hell of a lot of color, and there is no way in hell that I'm going to be able to finish this in one sitting." Said Shimazaki's friend.
"So I'll come back….and before you say anything I'll bring actual money if you need it and I'll make sure I'm not seen." Said Shimazaki
"How much money?" asked Shimazaki's friend. Sho wanted to kick him. Art wasn't about money, it was about art, and that was why artists were starving. Because you had to spend all of your time on your art and you couldn't cheapen it with money…or something. He didn't know. All he knew was that this guy was being a total dick hole.
"However much can fit in my pants pocket….here you go you greedy son of a bitch. This much." Said Shimazaki as fished a lot of money out of his pocket. Sho….he would have done it for free. He would have done it for free and he would have taken as long as he'd needed to take to get it done with…but that was him. He was a good friend like that. Obviously a better friend to Shimazaki than this guy was. Sho would have done this for the love of art…
And the love of Shimazaki….but if anyone had asked he would have said for the love of art.
"Ok, this covers the subject of payment….but where am I supposed to put this? I know you can't see but I know that you can feel and I know that you remember getting your whole upper body tattooed already." Said Shimazaki's friend.
"Well then tattoo my lower body." Said Shimazaki
"No way. I am not tattooing your dick again. That was too weird." Said Shimazaki's friend. Sho…he was glad that Shimazaki'd couldn't see where his eyes went. He had a tattoo….on his….WHAT?! What the fuck!? Tattoos used needles..and he had let that guy jam NEEDLES into his DICK?! Sho crossed his legs. No way. Not even for art. Not even for the best drawing he had ever done! And what…what did he even GET tattooed there? Like…like a space shuttle? Or a gun? Or a magic marker? Or like….something else that he was not going to think about….because he was thinking about Shimazaki's….yeah….and that was just…not what he should have been thinking about….
That was weird.
He didn't want to think weird thoughts like that…and also…also that meant that his friend had seen his dick….and that was just….now Sho felt like kicking him and biting him…and stuff…because Shimazaki was HIS friend and if anyone was going to….that was weird. That was really weird. You were not supposed to think about other guy's….even if you were in love with them….that was just…stop thinking about that! About how much that must have hurt…and also…don't think about what it could be! He'd never show it off anyway…and Sho couldn't ask to see….because he would most definitely take it the wrong way…and then that would just be the end of their friendship….and also it was none of Sho's business….and stuff….but he really did want to see….
What the tattoo could have been.
Maybe give him a million cans of coke and then pretend that they had to go to the bathroom at the same time….and that would completely end their friendship….and also get him beaten up, probably, since that was just…not ok….at all….and he would not have wanted anyone to see his….well he and big sis used to take baths together…but that wasn't the same….and also….also this whole thing was weird and he didn't want to be weird so he was going to stop looking and stop thinking and just….maybe find a long stick to poke his brain with so he never had any thoughts ever again.
There weren't any sticks around. Damn.
"Hey, I didn't say anything about my dick…and I never want to go through that again, God that hurt like a mother fucker…just do my leg or something." Said Shimazaki. Sho…was grateful that they weren't talking about dicks anymore….and he hoped that the subject never came up again unless they were telling people all the different ways they could suck dick in a public bathroom during golden week.
"You sure? If I do that then you can never wear shorts again." said Shimazaki's friend
"I never wear shorts anyway. Now get to it." Said Shimazaki. He undid the top button on his pants and Sho looked away. He looked down at his pile of drawings…and decided to add to it. He pulled his sketchbook out of his backpack and grabbed one of his pencils…and pressed it to the paper….and just…waited for something to come to mind. Sometimes it took a minute for ideas to come, but they always did, and he really needed an idea to come to mind right this fucking minute. He needed an idea to come to mind to take his mind off of the fact that Shimazaki was there and he had kicked off his pants and Sho had been him in sleep shorts before but this was different….and stuff….
Weird stuff.
Weird stuff and….and stuff. He didn't know. He decided to scribble. He could call it abstraction or something….or maybe he could just pretend that he had copied Shimazaki. He didn't know. He just knew that he had to draw something because Shimazaki was there and he could hear…he could hear him talking…and he didn't want to hear…well he did. He always wanted to hear what Shimazaki had to say but now in listening he was thinking….thinking about….stuff that he would rather not think about….about the fact that Shimazaki was there and…and Sho was there and….and he was about to get one of Sho's drawings tattooed on his body and….and he should have thought that this was the coolest thing in the world but right now all he wanted to do was pull a Hatori and hide somewhere…
But he didn't hide.
He kept on scribbling. He scribbled just like Shimazaki scribbled. He knew how to draw, sort of, he could do shapes and stuff. Circles and squares for people. Squares and triangles for houses. Squares and rectangles for dogs. Even some characters, too, but his handwriting was the worst. He mostly just liked to scribble, he said that it was relaxing, the sound of it…and Sho….could see what he meant. The feel of the paper and the pencil, the sound of the scribbling as he went round and round in a circle like he was a Spirograph….it was relaxing….relaxing enough that he could shut out the outside world….shut out everything….everything that was happening in that room….the people who were in that room with him…though maybe…
Maybe he should have been paying attention.
"December first, right? Sho?" asked Shimazaki. Sho made a jagged line on his page as he looked up…and now he knew that Shimazaki wore black boxers….and now he could never un-know…and he looked back down just as fast as he looked up. He was laying on his stomach and his friend was drawing on his leg like he was making a base sketch….and Sho wanted to do it since his friend sucked…but then that would involve not only looking up again but getting up and going over there….
And he decided that he wouldn't be doing that.
"Um….what?" asked Sho as he stopped scribbling. His pencil had gone through the paper…but that was ok. That wasn't an important drawing anyway. This was…this was real life, not drawing, and now he was supposed to…to be paying attention…and talking…and stuff.
"Your birthday? That's December first, right? Eleven years ago?" asked Shimazaki. Sho nodded…and then he remembered that he needed to talk. Shimazaki was about to get stuck with a million needles…and he wouldn't be focused on Sho…and that was….ok. It didn't make him sad or upset or weird feeling or anything like that.
"Uh…ten. Yen, I mean TEN, years ago…that's when I was born." Said Sho. Shimazaki had gotten the day right…and that was what mattered….and he didn't need Shimazaki to sit up and face him…or let his aura rest on him…or anything like that.
"Well you turn eleven this year, right?" asked Shimazaki. Sho nodded, again, before remembering, again, that he had to talk.
"Y-yeah…I turn eleven…this year." Said Sho. How could he have forgotten that the year had changed? God, he was so stupid…and Shimazaki probably thought that he was stupid…or something. He didn't know.
"Ok, good. Before you start on that tattoo the kid's birthday over with the other dates." Said Shimazaki
"His birthday? Shimazaki…I know you care about him…but you know that's not your blood kid, right? I mean he…doesn't look a thing like you. He'd got red hair and blue eyes…and I know that color means nothing to you but you don't look like him and he doesn't look like you." Said Shimazaki's friend
"Yeah. I'm not a moron. I care about him and he's got a thing about people forgetting his birthday…and there's no worst feeling then being forgotten….so I'm going to do something that I've been meaning to do for a while…now get to it." Said Shimazaki
"Wow….um….thanks." said Sho. That was all that he could think to say. That was all he could allow himself to say. Shimazaki….was going to remember his birthday for the rest of his life…and that….Sho…he wanted….he wanted…..
He wanted to kiss him.
He wanted to kiss him and tell Shimazaki that he loved him. He wanted to tell Shimazaki all the feelings that he had. He wanted to tell Shimazaki that he was the nicest person that he had ever met. He wanted to tell Shimazaki that he was the coolest person that he had ever me. He wanted to tell Shimazaki that he was the best person ever, that there wasn't a better friend in the whole world, and that Sho wanted nothing more than to kiss him like in his thoughts….like he had been kissed in the coatroom at the Christmas party….and that was why he kept his mouth shut. He kept his mouth shut and he kept on drawing and…and that was all he could do…all he could let himself do….so he didn't end up thinking of something stupid to say and then saying it….
There were a lot of things that Sho didn't want to think about…so he was going to sit and draw and not think.