Sho needed a bath.
Shimazaki had told him so. He stank. Shimazaki said that he stank…and also big sis told him that he smelled bad…and dad had told big sis that either she made him take a bath or he would do it…and Sho was fully prepared to admit to himself that he needed a bath. He couldn't remember the last time he had taken a bath, a real one, and that meant that he was overdue…and also his clothes stank and his bed stank and…yeah. He needed a bath.
So he was going to take one.
The tub was filling up with water…and he could and would get in that tub. He could put one foot in and then the other and then lower himself in and then do the soap and the shampoo and the conditioner because big sis was always on him about conditioner even though he didn't see why he needed it….and then he would be done. That was all he had to do. He just…had to take off his clothes…and get in the tub. That was all. He just had to take off his shirt and his pants and then everything else….and he could do this…and he would do this….
Eventually.
Maybe when the tub was done filling up. Maybe when the tub was full he could take off all of his clothes and then…well he could take off his clothes….the water was the bad part. He wished that there was some way for him to clean himself off without water. Like if he was self-cleaning like an oven….or if he could like himself like a cat. They had it right. They just licked themselves and then they were clean…and they didn't like water either. Well not the water cat, that was a kind of cat that lived in Sri Lanka and liked to swim, but most cats avoided water. They were smart like that. Water was the worst.
You could drown in water.
First it started at your feet and that was fine. It was cold, the sort of cold that made your skin go to pins and needles, but that was fine. Then it went up to your knees and you couldn't feel your legs…but that was still fine. Once it got to your chest…then it stopped being fine. It stopped being fine because you remembered…..you remembered that…that it wasn't going to stop. While it was at your feet you could just think….think that maybe it was going to stop this time…or maybe it was going to go up but not past your legs…because they did that sometimes. They made you sit in water that was way too cold and then way too hot and then way too cold….but you knew once it got to your chest that it wouldn't stop. It would go up past your neck…and then your nose…and you would try to….to float up…because people could float easily…but you're strapped down….you're strapped down and…and you can only see out of this little window….and then you can't see out of the window because….because the water is over your eyes….and then they turn off the lights…and you can't…you just can't…you can't….
You just can't….
"Sho? Are you in the tub yet?" asked big sis. Sho….Oh. He wasn't in the tub at all. He was in the linen cabinet. There were towels everywhere. He had made room for himself….at some point…and now he was sitting in the linen cabinet…and he would have to clean up the linens…and also his clothes were wet…and he was sweaty…and….and big sis was outside….
And he was not a baby.
"Yeah, I'm in the tub." Said Sho. He felt like the world's biggest jerk lying to his sister like that….but it wasn't like she was coming in to check. At some point they had started leaving each other alone in the tub. That was fine. He wasn't baby sis. He could be trusted not to…to drown…because that was a bathtub…and nobody who wasn't a baby or a really old person drowned in the bathtub…and he was ten and a half almost eleven….and he wasn't going to drown….and he hadn't drowned before, even, because the water always drained away….
He would be fine.
"But I don't hear the water moving." Said big sis. What was this? An interrogation? So what if she couldn't hear the water moving? That didn't mean anything…and if she cared so much then she could have come in and taken a bath with him…not that he needed his sister with him…he just…knew that she would never let anything bad happen to him…well she had…but she didn't know what they had been doing to him in the Eighth Division….and anyway it didn't matter since he had been the one to volunteer for the whole awakening….thing….anyway.
It was his fault…because he had been born wrong.
"Are you going to come in here and take a bath with me? If not then leave me alone." Said Sho. He had been mean there….and he hadn't been able to help it. He was in a mean mood. He wanted…he wanted to just…to have a minute to himself! This was a bathtub and he didn't…he didn't want to get in it…even though he knew that he could get out at any time. There weren't any scientist guys to strap him in…and nothing to strap him in with, either, because this was a regular old bathtub. He was….he was being a baby….he would be fine….
This was just a normal bath.
"Um…I'll leave you alone…but please take a bath on your own. Sho…you heard what dad said. Either I get you to take a bath or he'll give you a bath…and I don't think that you'll want that. You're almost ten and also…dad is…well he's dad." Said big sis. Sho sighed. She had a point. Dad was…dad. Sho smelled bad, he knew that he smelled bad, and he knew that he needed to take a bath…and he also knew that dad would drown him. Dad had drowned him before and he would do it again…only this time he would do it with his powers…or just his bare hands….
He had already drowned Sho once…
Shut up. Sho had volunteered. He had been the one who had been born wrong and he had…he had been the one who had to be awakened because….because he had been born wrong. He had been born wrong and big sis had been born right…and he gets so many bad feelings when he thinks about it. When he thinks about how she had been born with her powers. How she'd been able to pick him up when he had been three and she had been four…and sooner, too, but he just couldn't remember it. She had been born right and he…he had been almost at the same level as a normal person since he had been born…and that….that had been his fault and…
And nobody had made him do anything that he hadn't wanted to do.
"Yeah, I know how old I am and, obviously, I don't want dad to give me a bath. Ok? Can you just…leave me alone…or something? I'm trying to take a bath here." Said Sho. He wasn't lying, not all the way, because at some point he was going to take a bath…just…he needed time…that was all. He just needed…needed to take his time…and stuff. Because he just…brain was trying to trick him into thinking that….that he was back at the lab and…and he knew that he wasn't at the lab. He knew that he was in Tokyo, in the bathroom, in the linen cabinet, with big sis on the other side of the door riding him about getting into that fucking tub…
And he would get into that fucking tub…eventually.
"But….I don't hear…it doesn't sound like you're in the tub….I mean I can hear the faucet but the water isn't moving like you're in there and-" said big sis
"Shigeko, can I please have some privacy in the bathroom?" asked Sho. He had sounded mean there….and he had no idea how to stop sounding mean…but he really did need some privacy. If he couldn't get privacy in the bathroom then where could he get privacy? Some places were just sacred, and stuff, and even Shimazaki didn't teleport in and bother people in the bathroom….well not unless Hatori was taking a shower…but that was just because messing with him was always fun.
"Oh! I'm sorry little brother, I didn't mean to invade your privacy….I'll go now. Um…don't stay in too long….but make sure that you get in and stay in for at least long enough to get clean…and don't forget about the shampoo and-" said big sis
"Shampoo and conditioner, yeah. I know. I'm just going to go back to taking a bath and I need privacy so…bye, ok?" asked Sho
"Ok….bye. I'll see you later for tuck in time." Said big sis
"….do you have to call it that?" asked Sho. He was asking nobody, though, because she was gone now. She was gone and he was there in the linen cabinet…and his neck hurt from pretzelling himself into this weird…pretzel….thing…and now he wanted a big pretzel…and it was easier to think of being mad at big sis for being born right and calling their bedtime, his bedtime, tuck in time like he was a little kid…and also it was easier to think of giant pretzels with salt and butter and spicy cheese…than it was to think of that white tub just sitting there against the wall….
Filling with water.
He didn't want to think about that tub. He didn't want to think about how he would have to get into that tub. He didn't want to think about how the water would be over his chest. He didn't want to think about how the water would be in his hair…how it would roll down his face…how he could just…drown…but no because it's a bathtub…and he just…he needed….he needed to…he just needed to….
He needed to turn the faucet off before he flooded the bathroom.
The bathmat still smelled weird from when big sis had flooded the bathroom. He couldn't let the water overflow…and that was why he was climbing out of the linen cabinet…and why he was just…going over to the tub…walking across the floor…reaching over to the water…touching the faucet….pulling his hand back…because he had powers. He had powers so why the hell was he doing this by hand for? Wasn't that the point of going through all of that shit? To get powers? To make up for having been born wrong? To finally match big sis…well he couldn't match big sis. Big sis would have…she would never have been this scared even if…even if she had been through the same thing that he had been through. She would never have frozen just because she reached over a tub of water…she would have just…
She would never have been in the awakening lab to begin with…
And he doesn't want to think about the lab. He doesn't want to think about how the ice water made his whole body numb…how after a while he couldn't even feel his body anymore….and how his lungs just…he knew that he shouldn't have been trying to breathe but…but he tries and…and then his lungs hurt…and he wants his powers to do….to do something….anything….because he knows that he's going to die. He knows that he's going to die and then…and then he doesn't….but then it hurts more than it's ever hurt in his life and his body is all….scrunched together and….and he just…he almost wishes for the water and…
And now he's behind the hamper.
He's being a baby. He just has to get in the tub…and that's what he's going to…he sees the scrub down place…and he knows that he's supposed to scrub down before he gets in the tub. Back when he had been little, and still in school, the other kids had called him gross for just getting into the tub without scrubbing down first. That was what you were supposed to do but mom….she said that she hadn't grown up doing that….and she hadn't made him and big sis do that….and maybe he should do that…because he smelled really bad and…and it was the normal thing to do…
So that was what he did.
He pulled off his clothes really fast and then sat down and got to scrubbing. A little bit of water, just a little, and none of it near his face…and some soap…the kind that smelled like soap and not fruit or flowers because he was a boy…and he just…scrubbed himself down. He scrubbed across the spots on his arms where the needles had gone in. He scrubbed across the jagged thing on his chest from when he had ripped his skin off trying to get out of the restraint chair…thing. He scrubbed down his legs, down the red lines….the jagged ones and the rips…and the needle marks…and then he used his powers to scrub over the tree….over the place where he had been filled with lightening until his whole body was all scrunched and twitchy…..and he ended at his feet where the skin was so thick on the bottom because…because the floor had been so cold…and then so hot…and then so cold again….and then…and then…
And then he was done scrubbing himself down.
And now it was time to…to get in the tub. He just…walked over. He walked over because he was not a baby. Even Mukai could walk herself to her bath…and she liked baths. She had her ducks and her boats and her fish and she…she liked to play in the tub and….and she liked to throw things out of the tub and then he could catch them and give them back to her…and she would splash him…the whole front of his shirt and pants would be soaked but it would be ok because she was baby Mukai and she was happy and…and all he ever wanted was for her to be happy…and she was always so happy when she had to take a bath and….and if anyone tried to put her in an awakening machine Sho would murder them and then not even try to hide the body because everyone needed to see what happened, what would happen, if they dared to hurt baby sis….
He needed to get into this tub before he did something that he would regret.
Not kill someone, no, the only person he thought of killing was dad and even then he could never go through with it. He just knew that if he didn't get in that tub then dad…then dad would try and give him a bath…and dad already did that once. Sho…he must have been really little…but all he remembers is being scared and there being a lot of snot in his mouth and mom yelling at dad….and he doesn't want to know what that was all about. Dad had already drowned him once, he wasn't going to let him drown again, so Sho just…had to…had to get into the tub. This was…just…a thing that he had to do. He had already done the soap and…and he still had to soak…and even the soap had been a lot but…but he still had to soak and…and he had to wash his hair…and that would be a lot…and he just…all he had to do was just….
Put one foot in the tub.
The water was…not that warm….but not cold either. That was good. He got one foot in…and then the other…and now he was standing in the tub and…and it wasn't so bad. This was ok…ish. He expected…the water wasn't hot or cold…and he expected to stop….stop being able to feel his body…and he just…he was starting to get that feeling like…like he was himself but he was also away from himself and…and he just…he had to take a fucking back already!
He sat down.
Which was too much too soon. He had sat down so fast that the water went up to his collar bones…and now the far away feeling…he felt like the water had been an ice bath. He felt…he touched his leg and…and it didn't feel like his leg. It felt like he was touching someone else…or something….but he needed…he needed to take a bath and he just…he needed….as soon as he started he could stop but…but starting had been hard enough. Starting, getting to this point, had been hard enough. Now he had to…to keep on going….why? Because other people wanted him to? Because other people decided that they thought that he smelled gross? Because other people thought that there was something wrong with him? Because other people thought-
Because Shimazaki thought that he smelled gross.
Sho…could feel…himself. Again. He felt like he was back inside of himself…not that he had ever left…and he just…he had to do this. He had to do this because Shimazaki said that h smelled gross and he wanted Shimazaki to be his friend…to like him…to maybe even more than like him….not that Shimazaki will ever more than like him. There isn't any way in hell that Shimazaki will ever think of him as anything other than his friend and his kid….and that's ok because dad could and would kill him if he ever figured how Sho felt….but still….
Sho needed a bath.
But it didn't have to be a long one. No. Big sis had even told him not to stay in for too long…so he wasn't going to stay in for too long. He was going to just…to just…he grabbed some shampoo. He didn't know who's it was, he didn't care, he just poured some into his hair…and then some conditioner….and maybe it would have worked better if he had gotten his hair wet, first, and also not….put both of those things on together…but this was what it was and he…he was…he just had to….he tried rubbing it in…but his hair needed to be wet so…so he picked up the rinse cup…which used to be a measuring cup but now was for rinsing….and he put some water in his hair…and then…and then he was ok and he just…rubbed all the shampoo and conditioner in…and then he was just…he just had to…he just…
There was water on his forehead.
It went down his forehead and…and it kept on going down….and he knew that there was plenty of air…but also it felt like there was no air and…and he just…he needed….he tried to wipe the water off of his face but that just made more water…and he just…he just needed….he could feel his hair and…and he needed to finish washing it and…and he needed to stop being suck a fucking baby….baby sis wasn't even as much of a baby as he was and…and he just…
He needed to get the hell out of that tub.
He leaned back into the water and got his hair rinsed…and that…that was all. He could get out and then…and then he was out. He had gotten out of the tub and…and now he was standing in the bathroom…and he didn't even remember getting out of the rub or walking to the middle of the bathroom…but he had….and for some reason big sis's tooth brush was in his hand…and he put that down. He shouldn't have been so weird. He just…he was clean. He didn't stink anymore and…and he wouldn't have to do that again for a long time. Long enough that…that he could maybe get over this…or something. Long enough until people complained about the way he smelled, anyway, and that would be a long time….
Hopefully a very long time.
He hoped that it was a very long time before he had to get into a bathtub again. When he ruled the world he wouldn't ever have to bathe again. Nobody would tell him that he smelled bad, that he had to take a bath, or anything. When he ruled the world baths would be optional for everyone. No more soap and water and…and people could smell however they wanted to! They could stink so bad that you could smell them from a kilometer away if they felt like it!
Thought he hadn't smelled that bad.
Actually he smelled a lot better now. He could smell himself as he got into his pajamas…and he didn't smell bad at all. He smelled like his soap and big sis's hair stuff…and he must have borrowed hers…but she wouldn't mind. She would just be happy that he had taken a bath. That was all. She would be so happy that…that maybe he would get two stories tonight….not that he gave a fuck about stories. He was ten and a half, much too old for bedtime stories. And also she didn't even read him bedtime stories. She just read aloud before bed to help her sleep and he just happened to be in the room when she did that. Simple. He didn't care about stories or being near her…or the feeling he got sometimes like he wasn't in his body anymore….and stuff. He didn't care about that at all.
He just cared about being done with this bath already.
He tossed his dirty clothes in the hamper, big sis would get pissed if he just left them on the floor….well her version of pissed anyway, and he didn't want to piss her off. Not when she would be all happy and shit that he had taken a bath…happy enough that maybe he had earned himself a soda….not that he was going to ask. He was ten and half, if he wanted to go to the kitchen and get himself a soda then he would. This was a free country, dad didn't rule the world yet, and if he wanted a soda he could drink a soda…or two….or three. Yeah. It wasn't like he was going to be able to get any sleep tonight.
He never slept well after a bath.
So that was why it was ok to go to the kitchen and get a soda and not tell big sis…and also keep away from dad, too, because he could be such a tattletale sometimes. He would tell big sis and then she would be up all night bothering him about going to the bathroom so he didn't end up wetting the bed…and he didn't need her bothering him all night like that. He'd had her on his back enough about that bath thing. No, he would just go to the kitchen and pound as many sodas as he could, that was what it was called when you drank a lot at once Shimazaki had said, and then he would go to bed and then wake up in the morning and hang out with Shimazaki…and Shimazaki would be so happy that Sho had taken a bath…because he had a really good sense of smell…and he would want to hang out with Sho again and they'd have so much fun together….
Tomorrow was going to be a really great day.
And tonight was getting to be a really good night. There, on the kitchen table, was a soda for him. A soda next to a double marshmallow s'mores poptart on a plate for him. There was a note, too, on Frozen paper….he read it. Big sis…she was happy that he had taken a bath and…and she had left this for him and…and now he could have one soda after eight but only if he didn't wet the bed….because he was getting bigger now….and stuff…
And he had the best big sister ever.
Even though she had been born right and he had been born wrong, even though she'd been born the second most powerful esper in the whole world and he'd had to sit in an awakening machine for days while…stuff…happened to him…she was still this nice to him. She didn't have to be. She could have been mean to him as payback for all the years that he had spent being mean to her…but she wasn't like that. She was a nice person, a good person, the best big sister that a guy like him could ask for…and not just because she let him have poptarts and soda.
Sho had needed a bath and he had taken one. Not because he smelled bad, no, but because it made big sis happy…and she was the best big sis in the world and not just because of soda and poptarts….though they helped….
The soda and poptarts really helped.