Summary: Artemis is just home from school and his mother is inviting him to a game of MASH.
A/n: The game of MASH varies with each person that plays it so there may be some things that are new or weird about his game.
Disclaimer: Nah.. I don't own Artemis. Eion does.
MASH
One shot
"Arty!" called Mrs. Fowl as she saw him enter the manor.
"Good afternoon Mother," was Artemis's simple reply as he closed the door when he came in.
"Come here honey. I learned this very fun game from Mrs. Peterson today. Come play with me."
"I- I have lots of homework to do." said Artemis declining the invitation but immediately regretted it. His mother pouted her lips like a child and added the puppy eyes whom even Artemis the first could not refuse to.
"Okay," Artemis finally agreed. "But does it take long?" Artemis pulled up a chair beside his mother who had pencil and paper ready.
"No, not at all! This is a game that can predict your future Arty." Artemis tried to be amused. "It will decide what you will be when you grow up, what car you drive, what pets you will have, how much you make, and even your future wife."
Artemis raised his eyebrows. He always was a thinker and did ponder over the issue of what will happen in his life 10 years from now but never with the concept of marriage.
"What exactly is this game called?"
"Well it's MASH of course! Mrs. Peterson said that a lot of young girls like to play this game. It goes like this, fill out this sheet of paper. List 4 things that fall under each category. For instance, under pets you list 4 pets of your choice. Fish, snake, turtle, anything. Now fill it out."
Artemis scanned the paper. "Then what's with the MASH on top?"
"'M' stands for mansion, 'A' stands for attic, 'S' stands for streets, and 'H' stands for house. This will decide what you live in."
Artemis then got onto filling out his list.
'Numbers? 1, 2, 3, 4.
Occupation? Hmm.. I don't know.. Physiatrist, doctor, dentist, and.. and.. criminal.
Pets? Fish, snake, rabbit, horse.
Car? BMW, Mercedes, Hummer, Jaguar.
Annual salary? 1 Million, 2 million, 3 million, 100 million.
Girls that I know? Uh.. Holly, Juliet, and...'
"Need help Arty?"
"Well yes. I don't know any other girls that I know."
"It's okay! I have some good candidates." Mrs. Fowl wrote in Hannah and Tyna in the remaining spaces.
"But I don't know them."
"You don't have to. I do. Hand me your paper Arty." Mrs. Fowl scanned the paper in which Artemis wrote his choices on. "These choices are too good Arty. You have to have some bad stuff in it too." She then began erasing and writing and the list ended with something like the following:
Numbers: 1, 2, 100, 150
Occupation: Psychiatrist, criminal, gigolo, janitor
Pet: Fish, donkey, alligator, bear
Car: BMW, Mercedes, bus, dump truck
Annual salary: 1; 100; 50,000; 10 million
Girls you know: Holly, Juliet, Hannah, Tyna
"But these aren't my choices."
"Tough cookies Arty. Now close your eyes and tell me when to stop."
Artemis did so and said stop after a few seconds.
"Okay. That's 10 lines so lets begin counting." She took the paper and began counting and crossing out the choices while mumbling. "Bye-bye psychiatrist, fish, and Hannah."
Soon when she was done, she concluded to Artemis he report on his future.
"You are going to have 150 kids, work as a janitor, have an alligator for a pet, drive a dump truck, work for only $50,000 a year, marry Holly whoever she is, and live in the street."
That was not the kind of future that Artemis dreamed for. 150 kids? That was sick. Be a janitor? No way. He hate picking up other's trash. Well he did want to spend his life with Holly but not get that low of a pay. And living on the streets didn't impress him either.
"This isn't right. Do it again." Then did so and the results were similar. Artemis still was married to Holly and was living in the streets. They did the test again and again but Artemis was still living in the streets with Holly.
"Arty honey, there must be something with this Holly. It seems that if you marry her you will be living in the streets forever! It's a sign that you two are not destined to be together. If you stick to this girl, then you will be living in the streets. Holly equals streets." Mrs. Fowl spoke like she was some fortune teller. "Who is Holly anyways?"
Artemis could not exactly define their relationship. They were somewhere between the lines of very close friends and lovers. "She's just a friend." He replied disappointedly.
Mrs. Fowl nodded like she understood. "I know!"
"Know what Mother?"
"Picture this," Mrs. Fowl held her fingers in a box like way and looked through it like a director who just suddenly got an inspiration. "Arty, Holly, lovers in high school. Artemis impregnates her and she gets kicked out of her home. You are too. Then you two begin a life together on the streets. That is so romantic!"
"You have a big imagination Mother. This game in completely illogical."
"It's fun though." This time she did the test without Holly's name in it.
"Wow! You got better results when marrying Juliet. You are going to have 3 kids, work as a psychiatrist, have an fish for a pet, drive a Mercedes, work for 10 million a year, marry Juliet, and live in a mansion. No streets!"
"Yea. No streets." He replied slowly. He did feel happy about not living in the streets but it wasn't with Holly.
It was with Juliet.
Holly wouldn't be there to argue with, wouldn't be there to share their thoughts to, wouldn't be there so he could protect. 'I rather be living in the streets with Holly for a lifetime than in a mansion with Juliet.' thought Artemis.
"Which results do you like best?" asked Mrs. Fowl as she cleaned up.
"I like Holly's. Yea. I like Holly's results better." Then he slowly started up the stairs. Yes, he would rather be with Holly.
The END!
A/N: Uh yea. This is completely random. Well not all random. It is true because we were playing MASH with this other guy friend and he kept on getting this one same girl and living in the streets. We did that about 5 times and it was the same.
Although it is random and may suck, review and tell me how much it did or if it was just okay. REVIEW!