Mob loved her friends very much.
"….so I told that bitch that she needed to get the hell out of my face and she told me…"
Mob loved her friends, all of them, even Minori….who could be kind of mean sometimes. She could be mean to Mob and she could be mean to her other friends…and that was why her dad wouldn't let her come back to Japan because she had been mean to all of her other friends, not that Mob would say anything to her because that would have been, and Mob…she was still going to be Minori's friend even though she could be sort of mean sometimes. That was what you did when you were friends with someone, you stuck by them no matter what, even if that 'what' was sitting there on the phone for almost an hour listening to a fight that had happened with Minori and someone she had met….and that was fine….because Mob was her friend…
Even though it had been almost an hour.
Still, it wasn't like she had anything important to do that day. She had already done the laundry and everyone had clean clothes, the dishes were done, and Sho was out doing something with Shimazaki and they would find something to eat so she didn't have to make lunch. No, today she was just going to be spending time with Minegishi. They had been reading together in the living room but then Minori had called…but it was ok. She would get tired or bored eventually and find something else to do. Besides, it hadn't been that long….
Almost an hour.
"…..and then my dad was all Minori, this is why we had to move which is like…don't blame me because people are way too sensitive…."
Mob mostly just said 'uh huh' a lot when Minori went on like this. Mob was listening, sort of, and if Minori asked her a direct question, not likely, then she would answer but mostly she was just saying 'uh huh' a lot. That was still listening. Sometimes people didn't talk to have conversations, she noticed, they just talked to have someone else listen to them. Well Mob could do that. She had always considered herself to be a very good friend and good friends listened when their friends needed them to listen.
Even if they needed you to listen to them complain for a whole hour.
"….everyone is so sensitive and whiny I can't even….seriously Shige, I cannot take it anymore….even here! God, you need to get back here or I need to go to you because I cannot even right now…."
Mob said 'uh huh' again. That was what you were supposed to do. She didn't much want to move again, it was never easy switching countries and timezones, and also she just didn't want to leave Japan. She liked being in a place where she could read all the signs easily and she could easily understand what people were saying and she knew more of the rules and she looked like everyone else. It was just nice to be back…and if Minori could come back then that would be good…good-ish. In the same prefecture as good. Minori was a friend. Not as good of a friend as Minegishi…or anyone else…but she was still a friend and friends…they wanted to spend time together…
Even if they liked to complain more than was strictly necessary.
"…seriously. I mean, ok, you're like a socially challenged first grader in a lot of ways, and don't get pissed off you know it's true, but you're still at least a good friend. You don't whine and you almost never act like a bitch which is really rare when it comes to people. Like, seriously, is there something in the water or something that turns everyone into a whiny bitch? I just can't…."
Mob said 'uh huh' again. She nodded, too, but that was just a reflex. She knew that Minori had been through a lot and she knew that she had to listen and be understanding….so that was what she did. She listened and tried to be as understanding as she could be. Even though this was…kind of a lot. Mob liked that Minori didn't think that she was a b-word but she also didn't like how she called other people a b-word. That was just…not a good thing to call people. Minegishi never even called people that and they called people names a lot of the time. They seemed like they were about to start calling someone, probably Minori, names. They had that feel to their aura and they rolled their eyes and shook their head every so often. Mob understood the feeling, sort of. She didn't want to call Minori names, that wasn't nice at all, but she also didn't want to have to sit here for another hour….
But that was what friends did. They sat and listened to their friends complaining for hours and hours…even when they would rather have been hanging out with their other friends….or doing pretty much anything else.
"…so then I told my dad that if we didn't move back to Japan I would hate him until the day I die and now he says that we have to see a family therapist like I'm crazy or something! I don't need a therapist! I'm just not going to say anything when he takes me just like I did with the last three. I'm not crazy and I don't need a therapist and-"
"Your friend needs a therapist." Said Minegishi. Mon had been in the middle of nodding and saying 'uh huh' when Minegishi had said that….and she needed to turn the volume down on her phone. It had been too loud and also…also that hadn't been very nice. Well Minegishi said things like that sometimes and Mob knew that they didn't mean to be mean, that was just how they were, but Minori could have taken it the wrong way…and she could be very sensitive sometimes…even though she hated it when other people were sensitive….and Mob didn't know how that worked…
She didn't have to know how it worked. She just had to make sure nothing bad happened.
"What was that?" asked Minori. Mob closed her eyes. She could see….she could almost see the way her eyes would get all narrow and her hand turned into a fist…and she knew that Minori was getting mad…and that was just…not good for anyone.
"That was just my friend talking, that was all. What happened with you and your dad? Are you still mad at him?" asked Mob. It was best, sometimes, to distract Minori before she could get even more angry…because it wasn't good when she got mad…and stuff.
"Shige…am I on speaker right now?" asked Minori. Mob was bad with tones and talking but she knew Minori well enough to know that she was going to get very upset very soon….and she didn't want her friend to get upset at all…because she could be mean when she got upset. That was a selfish way to think. She didn't want Minori to feel bad because then her feelings would be hurt. Not because she would be mean to Mob.
You should never be selfish towards your friends.
"No….my phone is just loud. That's all. I'm just here with my other friend and they didn't mean that the way it came out-" said Mob
"Yes I did." Said Minegishi. They didn't even look up from their book. They just reached over and took another bitter pill from their mint tin that Mob was never to touch or she could die. That was why Minegishi was being so….Minegishi right now. They had been taking those for a while and Mob remembered that they made your brain not work so well. It was like the little people in your head who ran your emotions console all took a break at once.
"Shige….your phone being on extra loud is the same as being on speaker…." Said Minori. Mob could see her expression, well in her head, and she knew that Minori was getting all mad like she did sometimes and she could be so mean when she was mad…and she didn't want Minori to be mad and…and not just because she was being selfish and didn't want Minori to call her a b-word again…and stuff.
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean-" said Mob. Great. Now Minori was getting madder and madder and now she was just…just going to start yelling and saying mean things…and Mob maybe should have just remembered to lower her volume…and stuff. She should have thought about that before this whole conversation even started.
"God, nobody even means it! You are such a-you know what? It's whatever. I have to go anyway. I have other friends too, you know, lots of them and they're better for conversation than you, Shige. So bye!" said Minori because she hung up….and it was good that she hadn't called Mob a b-word…and Mob should have been grateful that Minori had been nice….for her…but she just…she wanted to call back. She wanted to call back and tell Minori that she was sorry. She wanted to call her back and tell her that she was so sorry and that she would be batter friend to her in the future and that she shouldn't be upset and-
And her phone was taken from her hand.
"Mob don't call her back." Said Minegishi as they took her phone from her hand and put it on the table. Their grip was weak and they were having trouble keeping their eyes opened. They were tired. They were tired and that was why they had said…what they had said. They were just really sleepy and stuff.
"How did you know that I was going to call her back?" asked Mob. She wondered if they could read her mind. Sometimes it seemed like they could read minds. Like how they always knew when Shimazaki was up to something…and Mob hoped that they couldn't be read minds. Nobody needed to see what happened in her mind…and not just the mean thoughts that she had about Minori sometimes.
"Because I know you. You're going to call her back and fall over yourself apologizing to her for this. Don't. Don't ever apologize for me. Besides, I stand by what I said. That girl needs professional help." Said Minegishi. Mob…that was a mean thing to say about someone. Minori wasn't crazy. She was just…not very nice. That was all.
"Minegishi…that isn't nice. She isn't crazy. She's just sort of mean. That's just because everyone she meets is a b-word." Said Mob. She wished that Minori had met nice people in her life. Mob wished that everyone had been as luck as she had been in her life. That everyone, but especially her friend, had been lucky enough to meet nice people and to make good friends…but not everyone could be so lucky…and that just wasn't fair at all to anyone.
"Mob…if everyone she meets is a bitch then maybe she's the bitch." Said Minegishi. Mob gasped and shook her head so hard that her hair hit her in the face. That was…not a nice thing to say…and Minegishi said things that just weren't very nice sometimes….and that was normal for them…but still. This was just…she didn't know how to feel. Part of her…the mean part….agreed that Minori could at least be kind of a jerk…but the rest of her….the nice part of her…didn't want to say anything mean about her friend…even though, yes, she could be kind of a jerk to just about everyone in the whole world…including Mob….her friend…
"Minegishi, no. Minori isn't a b-word. She's sort of mean a lot of the time but she's not a b-word…or crazy. You're just saying all of this because you're sleepy." Said Mob. Minori was a friend and…well she wasn't friends with Minegishi…and that was…huh. She had a friend who was separate from her other friends. That was…new. She had never had a friend in her life that wasn't friends with her other friends…mainly because she had all of her friends living right here in this house…well not Minori…huh. Alright then.
"I never said that she was crazy. She's not insane but she clearly has issues…and from what I've heard in the last hour she can be a real bitch to just about everyone in her life. Including you." Said Minegishi with a shake of their head. Their hair it hit them in the face, too, sort of. They had bangs long enough to hit their eyebrows now. Maybe they would have another haircut day soon. Mob's were getting long…and she would have liked to have had a haircut day right then and there…but Minegishi was tired…and also Mob had to defend Minori. They may not have been best friends, not like her and Minegishi, but they were friends and friends defended their other friends from their other friends…and stuff.
"Minegishi….that's not nice. She can be sort of mean…to everyone…but that doesn't mean that she has issues. She's actually sort of nice when you get to know her. Like how she took the time out of her life to teach me about all of the important things that I missed out on because I don't go to school and the only person I know who's may age is my little brother. She didn't have to but she did and that was very nice of her." said Mob
"Uh-huh, and what did she teach you that was so important? How to put on eyeshadow?" asked Minegishi rolling their eyes. Mob got the feeling that they were unhappy about something…but she didn't know what. Well maybe because Minori had been sort of mean to her. Yes, that must have been it, since her eyeshadow was very good today. She had blended and everything.
"Yes, but a lot of other things too. She taught me about different kinds of clothes and about kpop, which she says is the best thing ever, and about different relationships that you can have with people and about all the different ways that a person can be a virgin-" said Mob. Minori may have been sort of a jerk sometimes but she took the time out of her life to teach her that stuff that a kid her age was supposed to know. Mob had missed out on a lot only being friends with adults. She knew the things that an adult knew, things that Minori didn't know about like smoking and drinking, but before she had met Minori she hadn't even known how much there was that she had missed out on learning about. Things that she had to know…well she had thought that she had to know.
"What in the….why do EITHER of you need that information?" asked Minegishi. They said that like she had said something wrong….like there was something wrong with knowing. She could tell because their aura had flared out from themselves, not the plants around them, which meant that they'd had to let go of the plants they were so shocked…and Mob didn't know why. Maybe she had said the wrong thing. Maybe she just needed to explain better.
"Because it's important. It's like…I used to think that there was just kissing and then you feel in love and did…adult stuff….but there are things in between. Being a virgin means that you haven't done anything yet. Like there are kissing virgins and being felt up virgins, that's when you let a boy touch you on your chest, and then there's messing around virgins and Minori hasn't told me what messing around is but I know it's more than being felt up and then there are virgin-virgins who have never done…adult stuff. It's important to know the different levels of stuff and also when it's ok to let a boy do something to you. Like how it's ok to kiss your boyfriend after you've been going out for a long time or not very long if he's older because older boys go fast…and that's when it's ok to kiss a boy. You can also kiss a boy that you're playing a kissing game with but it's not ok to just let boy's kiss you and-" said Mob
"Oh my God, stop. Just…just stop it." Said Minegishi shaking their head.
"Oh…sorry. I shouldn't have been talking about any of that." Said Mob. Maybe she had been talking about something that she should not have been talking about. Maybe she had gotten the whole thing wrong again. She was always getting these sorts of things wrong. She was always so clueless like that. She hated being clueless and she wanted…she wanted to know more but in knowing more she just ended up more clueless than when she had started out…and that didn't seem very fair at all.
"No, it's not that. You can talk about that but…stop listening to Minori, ok? None of that…don't talk like that." Said Minegishi. It took them a minute to say that. They were very tired. Maybe them being very tired was why they didn't make any sense. What was so bad about listening to Minori? She knew what she was talking about even though she could be very mean sometimes. Also hadn't Mob said the wrong thing by talking about all of that stuff? This whole thing was very confusing.
"I…don't get it." Said Mob shaking her head. She wished that she just had a big book or a website or something with all the answers to every single question that she had ever asked. She just…needed to know. She needed to know what you were and were not supposed to do when you liked someone or…or even how anything worked at all. She didn't get it. She didn't get it at all.
"Mob…it's not something done TO you, ok? It's something that you do WITH someone. It's something that both of you have to want…and there aren't any rules…well always make sure the other person wants what you want…but aside from that just…kiss whoever you want. If you see a guy and you like him and he likes you then go for it. Don't let anyone else dictate your relationships. If you want to kiss, and he wants to kiss, then just kiss. There's nothing wrong with wanting what you want and there's nothing wrong with acting on the feelings you have. Don't just wait around for a guy to do something to you…it's something that's done WITH you, ok? Not TO you." Said Minegishi. Well now she was even more confused than when they had started talking. She knew that you did that stuff with someone but…but also it was done to you…since you couldn't kiss yourself…like she wanted to be kissed…and also you could only kiss your boyfriend…well unless you were like Minegishi and Shimazaki…and was that what they were talking about? Their relationship?
"But…do you mean like how you and Shimazaki are friends with benefits?" asked Mob. Maybe she had said the wrong thing again because Minegishi's aura flared again…and also a plant had grown so big an so fast that it came out of it's pot….and she would clean that up later. Minegishi may have done it but they had done it on accident and they had only done that on accident because Mob had said the wrong thing…even though that was the name of their relationship with Shimazaki. Friends with benefits. All friendships had benefits but their relationship had the benefit of kissing…which was a very good benefit.
"Mob….where did you hear….what? What are you saying?" asked Minegishi. Now their eyes were opened and they were sitting all the way up…and maybe they would feel better when Mob explained. Maybe she had used the word wrong. She would explain again. That would help.
"Friends with benefits is when you kiss a boy and stuff just for fun. Minori says that we need friends with benefits before we have boyfriends…and I don't know how we're supposed to have friends with benefits before boyfriends because that would be breaking a rule, and also I don't even know any boys I could be friends with benefits with and-" said Mob. Maybe in explaining she had just said even more of the wrong thing, she figure that she had, based on how another plant had gotten over grown. This one didn't explode out of it's pot though, no, but it did tip over and get dirt all over the place…and Mob hadn't meant to be responsible for that. She wished that she could have just…said the right thing….or at least known what, specifically, about what she had been saying was wrong. She just didn't know.
"Mob, you're eleven. Stop saying friends with benefits." Said Minegishi. Mob didn't know what was wrong with saying friends with benefits. That was just another kind of relationship that a person could have. Just like being friends or boyfriend and girlfriend or married. That was just somewhere between being friends and being more than friends and she didn't see what was so wrong with saying the name of the relationship…the right word for it.
"But….that's the word for it. That kind of relationship that you and Shimazaki have. Well you did but then he caught feelings, which Minori says that you have to be careful about, and I don't know why catching feelings is a bad thing. I don't think that could do stuff like that with someone without having feelings for him. Feelings are important." Said Mob. She had said the right thing. She had not been wrong. She knew things…she knew some things. She didn't know all of the things but she knew some of them…more than she had known before. Minori may have been sort of mean to her…and everyone else in the world it seemed sometimes…but she also taught Mob a lot of things. Things that she remembered. She was eleven now, not ten, and she knew the things that an eleven year old should have known.
"Mob…you're eleven. If you want to kiss a boy then kiss him…but you are way too young for what me and Ryou have…and please don't ever go into….whatever Ryou is on…again." said Minegishi. It took them a minute to say that, too, and they were having trouble keeping their eyes opened…and maybe Mob should have just let them sleep since they were tired…but also…also she just…she didn't get it. She didn't get it at all.
"Ok…but I don't understand." Said Mob. She needed to get it. All of this. She needed to know how things worked and also…also all the things that she needed to know about. She just didn't get it. She wanted to get it. Minegishi got it. They were older then Minori, they were twenty eight years old which was a lot older than eleven, and they knew things…things that Mob didn't know. Things that she wanted to know. Things that she wanted to understand.
"Mob….what is there to understand?" asked Minegishi with a sigh….and Mob…there was a lot that she wanted to understand. She wanted to ask them every single question that she had ever had in her head…but they weren't going to be able to stay awake forever…so she just asked one of her bigger questions. She knew how they got when they were like this, they talked a lot, and she wanted…she wanted to know something that was very important.
"You like him too. I think so, anyway. You're always do nice things for him even though you say that you hate extra work. You labeled the whole kitchen for him again and you help him pick out clothes so he doesn't end up in clashing colors and you read to him and you let him use you as a pillow and you let him tell you that he loves you and stuff….and that makes me think that you like him…and I don't know why you aren't boyfriend and theyfriend with him yet." Said Mob. If she could understand their relationship with Shimazaki then she could understand everything about relationships. They were hard to understand. They liked Shimazkai, he liked them, and from what Mob understood they should have been together. But they weren't. Shimazaki told Minegishi that he loved them but they never said it back…and that made no sense. When someone liked you then you liked them back. Minegishi said that they weren't a relationship person and stuff…but what could be better than being in a relationship? What could be better than having someone who loved you? Who looked at you and saw…you. Saw who you were. Saw who you were, all of who you were, and just…wanted to be with you? That was the best thing ever, Mob figured, having someone who loved every single part of you….and also the kissing. The kissing was also good….not that she knew a lot about kissing…but if she'd had a boyfriend then she would have kissed him every single day…
She wondered how often Minegishi and Shimazaki kissed.
Not that she should have been thinking about stuff like that. That was none of her business. She had no business wondering or asking…even though she wanted to know. They were the only couple she had ever known besides her parents…and mom and dad never kissed. Not where she could see, anyway, Sho had seen them kiss once and he had been really grossed out. She didn't want to see mom and dad kiss, they were her parents and that would have been a weird thing to want to see, but she did want to know what was…normal. How often did people kiss? When did you know when it was ok to kiss someone? What did it feel like to kiss someone who you loved and who loved you? She had been kissed once and she hadn't been expecting it…and she hadn't been in love with him when he had kissed her…and they hadn't even been in a relationship and…
And she just wanted to know how all of this worked.
"Theyfriend? Is that another one you got from Minori?" asked Minegishi. That didn't answer any of her questions….and she wanted her questions answered…and also she knew that theyfriend wasn't a real word. She just had to say something, come up with something, that fit their relationship with Shimazaki…well the one that he seemed to want to have with them.
"No, I came up with that one on my own because it's boyfriend and girlfriend but you're a 'they' and not a 'she' so that's how I came up with theyfriend." Said Mob. There. Now that they knew how she had come up with that word they were free to answer her questions.
"Clever." Said Minegishi. That….was a nice thing to say…but that didn't help her understand anything…but it had been a nice thing to say…and stuff.
"So…can you tell me why you and Shimazaki aren't boyfriend and theyfriend? Because I don't understand why not. He likes you and you like him…and you already do all of the stuff together…so why not be together?" asked Mob. There. She had asked again. She had asked and now Minegishi would know that she wanted her questions answered and they could answer her question and then once she understood their relationship she could understand everything. She didn't know what she would do with this information, what she could do once she understood everything, but she just….needed to understand. Even if she didn't understand everything she would still understand something…and understanding something was better than understanding nothing.
"Mob…adult relationships are complicated. Very complicated. All relationships are complicate but they get even more complicated when you get older. Ok? This is…you can't just distill a relationship down to a set of arbitrary rules. You need to do what works for you." Said Minegishi. That was….something that made sense…but also didn't. She knew that adult relationships were complicated. She knew that adults in general were complicated…but she also wanted to just…to understand. She wanted to understand better and she just…she wanted to know. She didn't know. She didn't even know what Minegishi had meant. She didn't know what Minegishi had meant by what she wanted, what worked for her, because there were two people in a relationship. Her and whatever boy would end up wanting to be her boyfriend. What he wanted mattered and…and what she wanted mattered too….and she had no idea how two people were supposed to just…want the same thing. Like with Shimazaki and Minegishi. It seemed like he wanted one thing but they wanted something else….and Mob didn't even know what would make them not want to be with Shimazaki the way that he wanted to be with them….and Mob…she just wanted to understand. That was all. She just…really wanted to understand something…because she felt like she understood nothing.
"But…there are two people in a relationship. You said so. You said that you do things with someone and not to someone….and I don't know how you understand how to even do…anything…or how people decided if they wanted the same thing…and stuff." Said Mob. She hoped that she had explained herself. She hoped that she had made herself understood…because she was having trouble even understanding herself right now.
"Good. You are listening." Said Minegishi. She wished that they would start listening too. She just…she wanted to understand and they could help her understand…but also they were just…not getting that she wanted to understand…and stuff.
"I am….and I don't understand how it all…works. Like how you said that…that you like your relationship with Shimazaki the way it is…but he's in love with you and stuff. He probably wants you to be his theyfriend and then his they…married…person…and then he wants to have babies with you, probably, and then you'd be their they…parent…and stuff. And then you could have a bunch of babies and-" said Mob. That was her understanding of all of it, anyway, which probably wasn't any sort of an understanding at all based on Minegishi…and maybe she should just stop now…since they were tired and it didn't seem like she was going to be getting any answers anytime soon…even though she really wanted to understand…she didn't even know what she wanted to understand.
"You'll get it when you're older, ok? And get off this me having kids thing. Not going to happen. I know you love babies and if you want a baby to play with tell your dad to start dating again, find a woman for Shibata, or wait until you're as old as Hatori is now and then confess your undying love for him, ok? Just…I'm fading in and out here and this is very heavy and complicated and we can talk about this later. Ok?" said Minegishi. Mob didn't even know if she loved Hatori or not…and she wasn't going to ask them how to know if you were in love with someone or not. She knew what they would say, that she just thought that he was attractive, but it felt like much more than thinking that he was attractive. She had been thinking about him like…like she didn't even want to think about. Not around her best friend…or anyone…and she wanted to know what all of that was about, too. She knew from what Minegishi had said, before, that this was normal….but she still just….she didn't understand…
But that was ok.
She understood that Minegishi was tired. She understood that she had been asking a lot of questions. She understood that her friend needed sleep and she understood that good friends let their friends sleep…and at least she understood how to be a good friend. At least she understood something….though that was not the something that she wanted to understand. She wanted to understand…a lot of things. Maybe she could ask Minori later. She understood a lot of things…well Minegishi had also said that she had gotten a lot of things wrong…but Mob…she had no idea what was right and what was wrong because she couldn't understand…she couldn't even understand what it was that she wanted to ask. What the questions that she had were…and she had so many questions that she wanted to ask…but Minegishi was tired…
So she wasn't getting any of her questions answered today, it seemed.
"Ok…" said Mob even though she had even more questions now. She just…she didn't know how all of this worked. She had thought that there would have been rules, rules that only adults knew but still rules, but instead of finding more rules and more answers she had just found out that there were no rules at all…and that just made the whole relationship thing all the more confusing.
"Good. Now I'm going to pass out for a while. Put this book back in my room and my pill tin too…and don't eat any of them." Said Minegishi as they scooted so that they were fully laying down and closed their eyes. Mob didn't want them to go to sleep. She had more questions for them. Questions that needed answers…but she also knew not to disturb their sleep. They needed all of the sleep that they could get. They had said so.
"Ok, I'll do that." Said Mob. Minegishi didn't hear her. They were sleeping. She could tell by their aura and the way that they were breathing. She wanted to wake them up and ask them just…how it all worked. How people came together. Why. What the rules were. Which rules Minori had been right about. Which ones she had been wrong about. How Minori could have been wrong about any of the rules since she knew so much about this. Other stuff like that. She wanted to ask but…but she didn't want to wake Minegishi up because that would not have been what a good friend would have done at all…
And she tried her best to be a very good friend.
So she did as she was asked. She picked up Minegishi's book, she folded the page over so they wouldn't lose their place, and she picked up their tin of pills. She knew not to take one. They were very strong and they put you into such a deep sleep that you could never wake up again if you didn't know what you were doing, and Mob did not know what she was doing. She had accidentally eaten one of the bitter pills when she had been eight and that had been bad…so bad that she could have never woken up again especially since she did the death combination which was pills and alcohol, and she was never doing that again. Even Shimazaki told her that taking pills was way too dangerous for her and if he thought that something was dangerous then, yes, it was dangerous.
The rules for drinking and stuff were a lot simpler than the rules for relationships.
She wished that the rules for relationships could have been that simple…but they weren't. But that was ok. She could ask later…or something. She didn't know. She just knew that she had to put this stuff in Minegishi's room. So that was what she did. She opened their door, carefully as not to disturb their books or plants, and put their pill tin back on their dresser. That was easy, she knew where that went, the book was a whole other story. There were piles and piles of books on the floor and the dresser and the windowsill…and she really didn't know where this book went…so she just left it on the bed. She moved carefully as not to disturb the plants, Minegishi was trying to sleep and she could feel their aura in their plants, and she succeed…in not disturbing the plants.
But the books…well she hadn't been careful enough about the books.
In walking away from the bed she knocked over a stack of books…and before she could think she got down on her hands and knees and started to stack the books back up. She knew that it would have gone faster if she had used her powers…but she hadn't been thinking. She had to get this back together, that was what she had been thinking, and she tried her best. She figured that the order they had fallen in was the order they should have gone back in…and that worked for the ones at the bottom…but the ones from the top had gone under the bed…
Where there were other books.
The ones from the top of the stack had mixed in with the books under the bed…and she had no idea what went where. She just reached under and took out book after book. Some in English, some in Japanese, some with pretty covers, some which were plain, some which had dust jackets, some without, and some were manga….
Hey! Manga!
Mob almost never saw Minegishi reading manga. They had said, before, that adults read books without pictures. Back when Mob had been little. Mob could count the number of times she had seen them reading manga on one hand and she would have had fingers to spare…which should have meant that them reading manga was a rare thing…but that didn't seem to be the case. They had A LOT of manga under their bed. A lot of it…and with book covers, too. Brown ones like her school text books had been covered in back when she went to school. That was to keep the book safe….but what was so good about manga that the book had to be kept safe?
Mob decided to see….and then slammed the book shut.
Oh. That was….those were….not the sort of books, and manga counted as books, that she shouldn't have been reading. These were…she put them back where she had found them. She used her powers to shove them all back under the bed. She should not have been looking at those. She should not have even known that those were there. She had known that those kinds of books existed, books that showed what happened after people kissed, but she never would have imagined that Minegishi read those sorts of book. They didn't have to. They knew what came after people kissed.
They had Shimazaki after all.
They had him if they wanted to do the stuff that came after kissing, and they had done that stuff with him before, and they could have been doing that stuff with him right now if they had wanted to. That was why you had these books, right? So you could see what happened after kissing…or maybe so you could think about what happened after kissing. That was why Mob watched kissing compilations on YouTube…well not so she could think about it because her brain did that on it's own….but just because…because it felt good to watch people kiss. It felt good because she felt good during that first and only time that she had kissed a boy…well now it was…different…when she thought about it….
Was that why Minegishi had all of these? So they could think about it?
But…but that made no sense. Minegishi had Shimazaki if they wanted to more than kiss with someone. They didn't have to read about it…and stuff…but just….maybe they just liked to think about it? Mob…she liked to think about…well not about IT because that would be…too much…but her thoughts had gone to…to what it would have felt like if a boy had liked her enough to touch her on her…not that she even had anything, well she did but she didn't, and no boy would ever want to touch her…and she didn't even know why a boy would want to since she didn't even have…and she didn't know what boy would ever want to…she didn't even know. She just knew that part of her, the brave part, wanted to know what it would be like….and liked to think about what it would be like…even though she felt…weird…when she thought about it for too long….and also something happened…something gross….something that she would never tell anyone about…and stuff…and just…
She didn't understand.
She didn't understand what the point of all of those books was….or why she had one in her hand. She had pushed the ones from the floor back under the bed….and she should have just…put this one back too…but she had never seen anything like this before. This book…she should have put it back. This was private, this had naked people in it, and she should not have been looking at this….and she should have put it back…and she would put it back…because it had naked people in it…
Did every single page have naked people on it.
She just had to know. Did these books just have naked people kissing on every single page…or did these books have…everything…in them? Was it just pictures of people…being together? Being naked together? But there were so many books like that under the bed…were they all just pictures of people with no clothes on doing…no clothes on stuff? But why? Why would so many people draw so many of those pictures and why would so many people buy so many of these books…and why by the books in the first place? Mob know, thanks to Minori, that the internet was full of pictures of naked people…and those pictures were free…so why did they just…have books about this? What was so special about people being naked and kissing and…and fitting together?
Did this book have people fitting together?
She didn't know, not really, how people fit together. She assumed that it was sort of like how hotdogs worked…or something like that. She really didn't know….and there were apparently books full of pictures of people fitting together….books with paper on the outside like textbooks….and that meant that they were educational….and it was ok to read educational books…and that meant that opening this book was ok…so that was what she did. She opened to the first page….which was the title…oh. This was a book of love stories….and that made sense. People who were in love did this…and this was ok to read…because it was about love…and she read love stories all the time…so it was ok to read this and…and see the pictures inside…
It took thirteen pages for the boy and girl to kiss…and then another thirty pages for them to kiss without clothes on…and the rest probably came on the next pages but Mob didn't want to keep on looking…she couldn't.
She felt weird. She felt way too weird. She felt weird because she was sitting in her best friend's room reading their private books. That was it. It had nothing to do with the fact that now she was thinking about being in love with someone and kissing them and touching them and all of that other stuff. No. It had nothing to do with the fact that she had that feeling again, the weird one, that it was back. That she felt like she wanted something and she didn't know what it was….but also she did know what it was…but also she didn't understand…and also she just…wanted to understand. But this didn't seem like the kind of thing that she could understand, that could be understandable, because then she would have to think about…about stuff…and she just…didn't want to think about…well she did and she did not want to think about…she did and did not want to understand…so she just….she did what she had to do. She closed the book and put it back with the others where it belonged. Then she left the room. Then she closed the door. Then she went back to the living room.
She sat down.
She sat down and just looked at the TV. She didn't want to read anymore….and she wasn't watching TV either…because it was off. She didn't want to turn it on. If she turned it on then Minegishi would wake up and then when they woke up they would want to talk to her and if they talked to her then they would know that she had been in their private books and if they knew then…well Mob didn't want to know what would happen then. So she just sat down on the living room couch and just…sat….she could have picked up her phone but then that would just make her want to call Minori and say sorry…but then that would have involved talking to Minori…and Mob just…did not want to talk to anyone.
She wanted to just…wait for this feeling to pass.
She pulled her sweater close around herself. She wanted…she wanted this feeling to go away. This weird feeling that she just could not begin to understand. This feeling that…that she wanted…she didn't know what she wanted. Aside from wanting to be alone….but also she didn't want to be alone…she just…she wanted this feeling to just….to pass already. So that was what she did. She just…sat on the ground and…and waited for this feeling to pass. This feeling that was new and weird and good and bad and just…something that she didn't understand….something that she didn't want to understand…because understanding would have involved asking….and she didn't want to ask, to have anyone know, she just…she wanted….she wanted this feeling…this collection of feelings….to just pass already.
She didn't love this collection of feelings, she didn't even like it, but she also…she didn't know. She just wanted it to go away already.